Ep 284: This Author Loves Butch Orcs
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey, what's up, hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast for an aroace girl I’m Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a bi-demisexual girl, that's me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: On today's episode, a podcast episode
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod
KAYLA: Y'all, it's a wonder that we're here at this time
SARAH: It's truly a miracle. Kayla could be dead from…
KAYLA: No, we can't, see, you have to take that out. I can't… actually just Kayla could be *beep*
SARAH: We just had to censor that on account of… hope this helps
KAYLA: Hope this helps, uh, yeah I’m not going to get too into it for reasons but I’m currently in a hotel because my house became uninhabitable for a short period of time
SARAH: Slay
KAYLA: So, I’m living in a La Quinta hotel
SARAH: La Quinta
KAYLA: Back to my roots of hotel living
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Um, my cat hotel…
SARAH: Hotel podding
KAYLA: Hotel podding
SARAH: You just… Kayla let me… let me just tell you, let me tell you what just happened, Kayla picked up one cat to remove her from the area of the computer and she placed that cat directly onto the other cat instigating a cat fight
KAYLA: I didn't… I didn't realize the other cat was there and then there was nowhere else to go
SARAH: And then they were fighting
KAYLA: And then they… it was… it's… she's fine. I also um… so yeah currently living in a hotel dealing with beep um
SARAH: I’ll leave your beep for that
KAYLA: Yeah, thank you. Uh, I have some sickly family members everyone is fine but like not good you know
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Uh pinched a nerve in my elbow
SARAH: How?
KAYLA: Or at least like I- okay so I like I don't I didn't do anything we think…
SARAH: Just sick
KAYLA: I was talking to my… I was just talking to my sister about it but I already have like a lot of like tension built up in my neck so we think just because like I’m stressed it's just like… so like I’m fine but like my hand is a little bit tingly and like feels like my arm is a little bit stiff notably this is how my mom felt in her arm before it got fucked up and she had to get spine surgery so I’m a little freaked out that's…
SARAH: Oh, cool
KAYLA: Okay. Um, what else is happening? I guess that's it for me
SARAH: I mean comparatively I’m doing great. My back is fucked up
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Um, I also have a sickly family member who is fine as far as I know
KAYLA: Ooh
SARAH: Anyway, back to the non-censored podcast um let's do some housekeeping
KAYLA: Okay, also by the way there's no topic this week, we're just…
SARAH: Well, we're going to get that when I ask you what are we talking about this week, then you say nothing
KAYLA: Oh sorry, just bleep that out
SARAH: No, that's too much
KAYLA: What if the whole…
SARAH: Just one long bleep
KAYLA: This is way too much work for you I know you're not going to do it but it'd be really funny if it was a different beep every time, if it was a different flavor
SARAH: I would rather shoot myself to the moon…
KAYLA: I know
SARAH: In a Campbell's soup can
KAYLA: But imagine… just imagine like everyone pretend that's what's happening because it would be fun
SARAH: Yeah, like one of them just sounds like a gobbling turkey
KAYLA: Just like a…
SARAH: Yeah, and then one of them is a DJ Khaled another one
KAYLA: Yes perfect
SARAH: Anyway
KAYLA: So, imagine that's what's happening
SARAH: Yeah, so my housekeeping is I hope you all enjoyed our audiobook episode last week
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Our audiobook continues to be for sale, our book in book form and also in digital book form continues to be for sale, I hope you've been enjoying it and you know what's a really good Christmas gift…
KAYLA: True
SARAH: Or Hanukkah gift or I don't know if they give gifts for Kwanzaa but if not this is a great place to start, are there any Muslim holidays around this time of year?
KAYLA: Um, I feel like no but I’m not sure
SARAH: I feel like no also, let me just check, for good measure I’m also going to do a check for Hindu holidays
KAYLA: Mm good, I don't think there's any of those either
SARAH: Yeah, okay there aren't…. there are no Islamic holidays around December this year, um Hindu festival okay I don't think World’s AIDS day is just a Hindu thing this… excuse me website
KAYLA: I hope not
SARAH: Excuse me website. Oh there's Pancha Ganapati, oh my god, okay wait list of multinational festivals and hospitals, hospitals? what? holidays they have… but I want them in… I want them in the winter time
KAYLA: This is riveting stuff
SARAH: That's really really really good, it is a modern Hindu festival it is a modern Hindu… it is a modern Hindu festival honoring the Five-Faced, Maha Ganapati, Lord of Categories. It falls during the 30 days of the ancient Markali Pillaiyar… I’m so sorry, I’m butchering this
KAYLA: Are we doing this?
SARAH: Anyway, it lasts for five days, between December 21st through 25th. I’m not sure…
KAYLA: That’s nice
SARAH: I’m not sure if that is a gift giving holiday either but all this to say it our book is a great gift to give
KAYLA: Our book it is for sale that's a great gift to give soundsfakepod.com/book
SARAH: Perhaps it's also a great gift to ask for if your family does a book exchange, my family does a book exchange
KAYLA: My family is doing a book exchange this year and I literally was like so who wants the link to my book I assume that's what we're all getting each other this year and everyone said ha ha ha and I said I’m not laughing
SARAH: Yeah, it's great for a book exchange especially if you… because you want to keep your own copy right so you can get another copy for the book exchange and everyone's…
KAYLA: And that's how we get…
SARAH: Everyone's going to be clamoring to get that SFBO book, they're going to be like “I want this one”
KAYLA: See, well it's hard about… so our family gift exchange we've done it for several years now we're like each person… it's like a secret Santa but it's like not a secret so it's like the adults like aunts and uncles and grandparents do one together and the cousins do one together so like we pull names out of a hat and it's like okay you're buying for this person this person's buying for you blah blah blah and this year is the first time it's specifically book themed so it's not like you have to get a book for a specific person…
SARAH: That's hard
KAYLA: I’m getting a book for my youngest cousin who I’m like I don't think he like recreationally reads it’s like he's in college he doesn't have time for that
SARAH: Who has time for that? Who has time for a recreational read? My family does it like uh I’ve never actually participated because it stresses me out because what if I get a bad book um
KAYLA: Yeah, nothing to do about that
SARAH: Um, my family does it where everyone brings a book and they wrap it and then you like draw numbers and then you get a book or you can steal someone else's book
KAYLA: It's like a white elephant
SARAH: It's like white elephant but books
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And um there's been a book that's been resubmitted every year for like five or six years and it's called “How Not To Be A Dick” um and it's always like who's going to get the dick book this year?
KAYLA: When we used to do… we used to do white elephant with my like extended, extended family like second cousins and shit like that and there were these little plush like cavemen dolls but that were like clearly like 30-plus years old and there was a man and a woman and they had like this long nasty hair and you would lift the hair up and the man had a little penis
SARAH: Oh, no
KAYLA: And the lady had little boobs and those were um submitted every year to the white elephant
SARAH: A classic
KAYLA: They're pretty silly
SARAH: Anyway, gift our book, ask for our book, even if you're not celebrating a winter holiday which I know a lot of people celebrate Christmas in a wildly secular way because let's be real, Jesus was probably born in the spring
KAYLA: He was and also… I saw a really interesting point today that he was probably just like an alien
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: That like came did his magic and left
SARAH: I was listening to last week's Normal Gossip and they were like, what's the spookiest holiday? And I was like Easter
KAYLA: Easter
SARAH: What could be more spooky than a man returning from the dead?
KAYLA: And from like a closed cave nonetheless
SARAH: Yeah, he like bodied that rock out of that cave
KAYLA: I’m telling you that's some alien shit
SARAH: Anyway, buy our book. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: Nothing
SARAH: Nothing
KAYLA: Our other housekeeping is um Spotify wrapped came out this week
SARAH: Oh yeah
KAYLA: And a lot of very lovely people have been tagging us, there's like a couple people they're like top 1% fans and I’m like damn
SARAH: One of my Twitter mutuals was like, “hey, you're my number one podcast” I was like that's so cute
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: So, sweet
SARAH: I love my fans but also you know how like you know how like Spotify like artists will have like a thank you video
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I was like why didn't Spotify reach out to me to do like a thank you video for my top listeners
KAYLA: Yeah, I was actually thinking about that because we have like… it's like a portal to Spotify, like Spotify for podcasters, it's like we can look at the statistics or whatever
SARAH: And by we she means Kayla
KAYLA: Me, me, it is connected to my Spotify account, so you can't even get in, um but there was nothing… it didn't say anything
SARAH: Oh man, also I just realized we have a third housekeeping
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: So, we're here this week… we're here next week and then we go on winter break
KAYLA: And then we're gone
SARAH: When are we coming back? We actually haven't discussed that
KAYLA: I don't know, when did we come back last year?
SARAH: Is this a month-long thing?
KAYLA: I don't… because remember… I remember the past couple of years the same podcast one year apart has been the last episode of the year. I don’t remember…
SARAH: Yeah, well don't fucking spoil dude
KAYLA: They should know, the real ones know, 90s kids remember, but I don't remember when we came back
SARAH: So, episode on the 3rd episode, on the 10th, then we do one, two, three, four we return January 14th
KAYLA: Slay, so that's like… yeah, a month, so good fucking luck, what are you going to do? what are you going to do without us, cry?
SARAH: So, yeah, we'll be here this week, we'll be here next week with just probably poor, poor-quality content these next two weeks and then you'll get a whole month off of us so you can…
KAYLA: No, next week will be good
SARAH: It could be… it could be good, but it's… I’m more so thinking then you'll have like a month to reevaluate and be like wow, I miss them so much and then you like you'll forget how bad the content
KAYLA: How bad? No, but next week is going to be good
SARAH: Next week will be good, next week will be good but this week will be bad because as we mentioned this is not a linear podcast at all, as we mentioned.
KAYLA: I thought of another housekeeping
SARAH: Frog in my throat what's the… what's the other housekeeping?
KAYLA: That if as long as you're asking for things for holiday time we have…
SARAH: Merch
KAYLA: Merch, yeah
SARAH: Merch
KAYLA: Yeah, so, get that
SARAH: Soundsfakepod.com/store
KAYLA: Shop
SARAH: Shop?
KAYLA: I think
SARAH: Try one of them
KAYLA: Because on the website it's up there
SARAH: It's right up there, you click on it
KAYLA: Who gives a shit?
SARAH: Anyway…
KAYLA: Lol
SARAH: So, what we're talking about this week is nothing um some of you are going to love this episode some of you are going to hate it and you know what I respect that you can leave if you want…
KAYLA: I feel like
SARAH: If you're still here and you want to leave, why haven't you left yet?
KAYLA: I feel like they're going to like it people like the chaos from what I understand
SARAH: Silly billies
KAYLA: Um, I did what… so Sarah had to leave the call for a second earlier because she had to restart her computer so I was on the TikTok and I found some raging hot Golden Bachelor tea
SARAH: Tea
KAYLA: Which I know we discussed… I watched one episode of the Golden Bachelor and I was like oh my God so cute blah blah talked about it forever didn't watch a single episode of course
SARAH: Classic
KAYLA: Why would I? So, I don’t have like much context for this but there is tea, so…
SARAH: Hit me with it
KAYLA: We can about that
SARAH: Hit me with it
KAYLA: So, I don't know if the last episode aired yet or like it's airing next week or something so I don't know that it's like over and he… I don't know if he ended up with someone, beside the point, he… there's a Hollywood reporter article where they interviewed an ex-girlfriend of his because a month after his wife died… you'll remember she died of
SARAH: An illness
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't think it was cancer and she died of an illness after they had like bought their dream lake house blah blah it was the whole thing he was like very broken up about it, a month after she died he started dating someone from work
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: On the show he says… oh I mean I haven't dated in 45 years, a liar
SARAH: Do we have evidence for this dating?
KAYLA: They talked to the woman he dated
SARAH: But do we have outside evidence? I want multiple sources
KAYLA: I mean they read through their texts
SARAH: Uh
KAYLA: She lived with him
SARAH: She lived with him?
KAYLA: Yeah, get this… hold on, I’m trying to scroll to where it is in the article
SARAH: I just want journalistic integrity here that's why I’m asking
KAYLA: You know I get… I get that. So, they… I guess they worked together she was like helping him out with stuff he like took her to dinner and then they started dating, they started like texting a lot, talking, having sexy time I guess
SARAH: Oh, no
KAYLA: I guess a lot of the like lines he was using on the people on the Golden Bachelor are like exactly things that he was saying to her
SARAH: Oh no
DEAN: Fucking bitches. She just jumped on my head, she hit my head, it's a fucking platform
KAYLA: The cats are frolicking upon Dean's head. Okay, so um they talked to Carolyn the woman he dated and also like her friend Susan so that's some secondary…
SARAH: Susan
KAYLA: For you. Um, but so I guess Susan was watching the show and Gerry the Golden Bachelor was like I haven't kissed anyone in six years and Susan was like you liar I watched you kiss my friend
SARAH: Oh my God, you know we should have known from the start that we couldn't trust him because he spells his name weird
KAYLA: Yeah, uh apparently three months after his wife died he was texting Carolyn “damn I go to bed at night thinking of you and waking up in the morning…”
SARAH: Ew
KAYLA: Thinking of you, your wife just died
SARAH: I hate that so much, so what we're hearing is Gerry is a dirty liar
KAYLA: Yeah, so… okay, so she was helping him with stuff after his wife died then they went to dinner and all of a sudden he's like flirting all like hot and heavy really fast it's like okay, then after… pretty soon… it doesn't… I don't think say exactly what the timeline is but is like asking her to move into the lake house with him
SARAH: Not the lake house he got with his late wife
KAYLA: He's asking her for almost a year before she even considers it but then uh, she finally agreed to move in and then Gerry… “before Carolyn left her settled life in Iowa Gerry promised Carolyn's elderly mother he intended to marry Carolyn,” a liar. Uh, so she arrived at the lake house he told her that she should quit her job and find one closer to the lake house but she's like it's in the middle of nowhere I can't
SARAH: Wait, so they worked together but then…
KAYLA: I guess… I don’t really know
SARAH: Did he like retire or something?
KAYLA: Oh yeah, oh yes, that was earlier she like threw him a retirement party like years before
SARAH: Oh, so they used to work together and they… a month after his wife died he just like reached back out and was like hey I love that retirement party you threw me, let's get freaky
KAYLA: I guess. Also I think this is somewhere else in the article but he on the show claims his profession is he's a restaurateur but he hasn't owned a restaurant since the 80s and now he just like does hot tub installs and like he's a repair man which is not being a restauranteur
SARAH: I have question, I have some questions about how much the network knew about this
KAYLA: I’m sure they knew literally everything
SARAH: Like, well, did the network concoct his story and say like we need to… we need to delete this from your past and they… and they just hoped that people wouldn't find out or was he like actually keeping this shit from them?
KAYLA: I think probably a mix of both, I mean, I think…
SARAH: Or it was a group project?
KAYLA: I think it was a group project because the way they painted him was like this incredibly pure like my wife died she was the love of my life like he was always sobbing it was like… and… like
SARAH: Okay, but to that… to that I say though it's one thing if they're going to set him up like that but is everyone there so stupid as to think that no one would find out that that's not true
KAYLA: I don't know that's why I feel like it was maybe a group thing like maybe he told them like oh yeah, I dated a little bit it was like casual though and they were like okay then we can just like gloss over that
SARAH: Well, that's what leads me to believe that it was not entirely a group thing and he mischaracterized his past to the network because, look I… network execs can be very stupid, they can be lovely, but they can be very stupid but I think… I think if there were like that glaring of a thing that they knew about, they would be like this is never going to work
KAYLA: Yeah, I also like…
SARAH: And with the fan base that the Bachelor franchise has…
KAYLA: Yeah, people will know it
SARAH: Like, how much they dig into stuff like…
KAYLA: The… his daughters at least… were at least in the first episode I’m sure they were in later episodes for like hometowns or whatever so I’m also like were his daughters just…
SARAH: Were they just like lying?
KAYLA: Lying or just assume that their dad told them… yes, I don't know but get… it gets worse get…
SARAH: Oh God
KAYLA: Get this, so he's like quit your job, get a different one, so she got an accounting job with like an hour commute whatever
SARAH: Ew
KAYLA: And then the surprises start so she shows up and he's like oh we're sharing expenses, surprise
SARAH: She's like, I didn't sign up for that, I signed up to move here
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: Right, so she didn't know that, that's so crazy he was even like for all meals we go out on and we're going Dutch it's like, okay that's such a… like that’s totally fine…
SARAH: But if you're sharing expenses why does it matter?
KAYLA: Yeah, why is it… yeah why does it matter and also like you can just like go back and forth or whatever like you don't… I don't know
SARAH: Why are we like setting this up as a rule?
KAYLA: Right, like…
SARAH: If we live together
KAYLA: Like by no means do I think the man should be paying for everything but also like that's so weird to be like now sit down here's what we're about to do
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: Anyway, uh Gerry is also like a neat freak he insisted that Carolyn makes the bed before she comes downstairs for breakfast
SARAH: Why doesn't he make the fucking bed?
KAYLA: Yeah. Gerry had a high school reunion she was packing and Gerry said I’m not taking you to the reunion looking like that because she had recently put on 10 pounds and then they broke up
SARAH: Is that why they broke up or was it just like a…
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: An amalgamation of things and also that
KAYLA: It says the disinvitation led to the breakup but I’m sure…
SARAH: Yeah, I’m sure there was other stuff but like that was the breaking point
KAYLA: He volunteered to cover the cost of her U-haul as long as she paid the vendor and he reimbursed her. Uh so as she was packed… just uh… hey, just wait, it gets worse hold on to your seat um she spent the first day packing while Gerry was out, she was very frazzled and fell down the stairs
SARAH: Oh no
KAYLA: Requiring a trip to the ER and foot surgery
SARAH: Oh no
KAYLA: As confirmed by a hospital bill viewed by the Hollywood Reporter
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: Gerry arrived home that night and as Carolyn recalls accused her of using the fall as an excuse to prolong her stay and suggested that she was planning to sue him for causing the injury
SARAH: Okay, hold on, but if she broke up with him why would she want to stay longer?
KAYLA: In the end he refused to allow Carolyn to stay in the house during the final week of the two weeks’ notice she was required to give her boss before leaving the job he told her to go to a hotel… two weeks’ notice for breaking up, imagine
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: He told her to go to a hotel, it was the dead of winter Carolyn struggled to get to her car in the walker
SARAH: Oh, she had… oh, right because she hurt herself
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Oh, my God. Also, it's… so, okay but when you said like he would pay for the U-haul as long as she paid the vendor and he reimbursed her, he's not paying for the fucking U-haul, are you kidding? I’ll believe it when I fucking see it, I’ll believe it when I see that reimbursement in my bank account
KAYLA: So, apparently… so, I don't know. Again I don't know if the last episode has aired yet but in the final ep like the end episodes he decides to do fantasy suites back to back with the two last women separately telling each woman that she was the one
SARAH: Oh, my God. Well, they got their drama, you know what? you know what? maybe the network did know and they said for the drama, for the views.
KAYLA: Well, I mean I would not be surprised like
SARAH: Yeah, something to consider
KAYLA: The article says “by now the gold dust was falling away Gerry was fitting more into the typical bachelor profile. He appears distraught on camera, ‘the only time I’ve been… I felt this bad in my life was when my wife died this is a goddamn close second.’ Later he blubbered ‘I took a really good person and broke her heart.’” I’ve seen that in the commercials
SARAH: Wait, so that's about the woman that he dated
KAYLA: No, that's about like… no…
SARAH: It’s about one of the…
KAYLA: Women on the Bachelor
SARAH: Girlies that he was like I love you but I also love this other person and I’m not going to tell you…
KAYLA: Yeah, get this last line of the article, “true, but for Gerry that should be getting easier with experience”
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: Slam him, so yeah um Golden Bachelor Gerry is…
SARAH: Canceled
KAYLA: Not pure and sweet, he is cancelled, what a stinker.
SARAH: Stinker
KAYLA: So, that's my tea, what do you have to offer for this episode?
SARAH: The allos are not okay, the allos are just not okay
KAYLA: Shocking to everyone
SARAH: What do I have to offer for this episode? I was…
KAYLA: Yeah, what's your show and tell?
SARAH: I wasn't aware I had to offer anything
KAYLA: I just thought we were doing… I thought we were doing a show and tell type vibe
SARAH: Well, that's news to me
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Um, I attended a wedding it was very nice
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Oh, fuck
KAYLA: You lost your game?
SARAH: No, I just remembered… okay, so do you want to know something very silly? Kayla already knows this
KAYLA: I don't remember, so
SARAH: So, one thing about me is that sometimes my brain does not consider…
KAYLA: Well, actually I think I know, I don't know, anyway
SARAH: Maybe I only texted my sister about it, I don't know
KAYLA: If it's not about your meds it's not what I’m thinking about
SARAH: Oh, no, it's not
KAYLA: Okay. I still never got a resolution on your meds
SARAH: I got them eventually
KAYLA: Okay, cool
SARAH: But we had to go to a barbecue place first because they were like they won't be ready for at least an hour
KAYLA: Naturally
SARAH: Um, anyway the barbecue place was good uh anyway…
KAYLA: Good
SARAH: I attended a wedding and one thing about me is that sometimes I… it's giving neurodivergent um and I don't remember to do the normal things that you're supposed to do for example like when you go to a wedding you're supposed to get like a gift or at the very least a card for someone and I got to this wedding and I did not realize until I looked at the card bucket
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Then I was like, I have nothing
KAYLA: I’ve definitely done this at a wedding because it's like I’m used to going to weddings with my parents when I was 10 and it wasn't my job to get a gift
SARAH: Exactly, and for this one too I was a plus one and so I never actually really saw the invitation which presumably had like a registry on it and so like I didn't have that like reminder and then also at the last wedding I went to which was my sister's um she told me I didn't have to get her anything on account of I was her maid of honor
KAYLA: I think I got your sister some knives, I can't remember
SARAH: Miranda got her… it was like a cheese grater or something but it still hasn't arrived
KAYLA: That sucks
SARAH: Like it kept getting delayed and they still don't have it the wedding was 10 months ago
KAYLA: That's wild
SARAH: So, that's my update. Uh, if you're going to a wedding remember to bring at the very least a card
KAYLA: Yeah, do that
SARAH: Now I have to ask Miranda for their home address so I can mail them a card
KAYLA: Nice. Um, I can retell the silly story I told you before we started recording
SARAH: I already forgot what it was, go
KAYLA: Perfect, so we were at the hotel last night first night in the hotel, so sleepy tired it had been such a long bad day
SARAH: Oh, I remember it silly
KAYLA: We're eating dinner, we got Vietnamese food, it was good. Dean is putting on the TV, first he puts on ESPN so we can find out from the men on the tv what the new college rankings are Michigan is number two
SARAH: Hell yeah, who's number one?
KAYLA: Georgia, they haven't lost… what's the record Dean? 29 games in a row?
SARAH: That's several
KAYLA: That's at least two seasons worth it's like…
SARAH: Wow
KAYLA: Bananas. Uh, Ohio State is like six now
SARAH: Fuck them
KAYLA: Anyway, so we watched that and then that was done so Dean put on Despicable Me 3 which I but like I don’t really want to
SARAH: A classical transition, from ESPN to Despicable Me 3
KAYLA: But also, in the middle of the movie like it was just long… it's like 25 days of Disney or whatever right ABC
SARAH: Right, it's like how the other day Elf was on and we watched the second half and then we watched the first half and then we continued watching and I was like I’m leaving I don't want to watch… I’ve seen this movie in its entirety now I don't want to watch it
KAYLA: You don't have to be here, yeah. Uh, so Despicable Me was there, notably, Dean was on one bed I’m on the other, there is two beds in this room because we were like eating and sitting around and working and whatever so then I’m playing games on my phone not watching… he's also not watching Despicable Me 3 because he falls asleep at 8 pm
SARAH: 8 pm
KAYLA: And the lights are all on, he hasn't…
SARAH: Me, last night…
KAYLA: He hasn't brushed his teeth, he hasn't done anything
SARAH: Me last night
KAYLA: Yeah, so he… like is asleep but he like wakes up so often to just like roll over or like whatever, so he wakes up at one point at this point Wall-e is on
SARAH: A classic
KAYLA: Despicable Me is done
SARAH: Despicable Me is over
KAYLA: It's over and he rolls over and I was like, wow you've like really been sleeping huh and he goes girl, I’ve been snoooooozing, I talked to him about this today he did not remember this conversation
SARAH: Good
KAYLA: Um, and then when I was finally ready to go to bed I was like are you going to move over, he's starfish in the middle of the bed, I was like do you think you're going to move over and he's like I don't know and I was like okay so no, so I got myself ready to bed and then went into the other queen bed and fell asleep by myself as if we were on a 50s sitcom and then in the morning he was like I missed you last night, I was sleeping alone and I was like…
SARAH: Who’s fucking fault is that?
KAYLA: He was like I was too tired to tell you yes or no and I was like what is that… what do you mean
SARAH: You could have just moved?
KAYLA: I know, he was like, oh I missed you and then as we started recording he’s in bed already, I was like don't take up the whole bed and he was like I don't know
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: What do you mean you don't know?
SARAH: Dean don't do it
DEAN: This isn’t fair
KAYLA: Oh, he said this isn't fair, are you going to let me sleep in the bed tonight or no, what do you think?
SARAH: I think it's very fair
KAYLA: He shrugged
SARAH: Oh my God. I have a song recommendation, it's Yes or No by Jungkook
KAYLA: Okay
[00:30:00]
SARAH: It's a banger
KAYLA: It sounds good
SARAH: And I was… and I was like, I didn't realize… I was like, I don't know why I like this song so much and then my friend was like it sounds like a One Direction song and I was like that's it?
KAYLA: Yeah, um, I forget which episode… recent episode it was but we were talking about ring ding ding… oh it was am I the asshole I think, and my so my dad texted me and Sarah in a group chat just with like the YouTube link to that song and was like this is my new ringtone for Kayla ha, ha, ha
SARAH: Hell, yeah, every time my mom gets it stuck in her head she texts me my ladddyyyy
KAYLA: Good
SARAH: So, like I’ll just get a text from her that says my ladddyyy
KAYLA: My laddyyy
SARAH: And I’ll be like, I know what has happened here
KAYLA: Yeah, um…
SARAH: Everyone should listen to ring ding dong
KAYLA: No, that’s not true
SARAH: For the memes
KAYLA: No, that’s not true, actually
SARAH: I saw a really funny pic… I saw a really funny picture of Min-ho today who was the one that was ruining the marriage but it's from like, I don't know this is probably 2009… hold on I’m texting… okay I’m texting it to Kayla
KAYLA: That was loud?
SARAH: I want you to see this man's hair
KAYLA: Is this like a recent pic?
SARAH: No, no, no it's probably like 2009
KAYLA: Oh, it looks like… it does not look real like…
SARAH: It looks like there's a raccoon on his head
KAYLA: It looks so photoshopped or so much like a wig like it looks unreal
SARAH: There's a raccoon on his head
KAYLA: It's so… the thing is…
SARAH: Stealing hearts and stealing wives since 2006 or 2008
KAYLA: The thing about it is it has the like front bang swoop, like a One Direction kind of like swoop you know or like a Justin Bieber swoop kind of, but then the rest of his hair is also really long
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But also, like very layered so it like…
SARAH: Yeah, there's a lot of layers…
KAYLA: So, like it’s almost like a mullet, so like picture the front is like the classic like 2010 boy band swoop
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But then the rest of the hair is like a mullet, picture that
SARAH: That’s so silly
KAYLA: But also, like weirdly thick and shiny in a wig way
SARAH: Because he's training up, he’s got that fucking Shiny
KAYLA: You know, what the problem is that makes it look Photoshopped
SARAH: Oh, my God, I just realized that's a funny little joke that I accidentally made, he has got that shiny shit he's in a group called Shinee
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Wow, sorry, I think I maxed out my mic when I did that
KAYLA: I bet you did. The reason it looks so photoshopped is because the lighting is completely off the way, the lighting is hitting his hair and his face is different
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Like his hair is shiny in the wrong way
SARAH: Yeah, it's… there's definitely some weird like flash going on here
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because he it looks like he's outdoors but it's nighttime, yeah, it's weird, we'll post this photo somewhere, where will we put it? I don't know, don't worry about it
KAYLA: Will we?
SARAH: Someone remind us
KAYLA: Will we?
SARAH: Someone remind us, um, what else is happening?
KAYLA: Um, I saw the new Disney movie like an hour ago
SARAH: The Leo
KAYLA: Wish
SARAH: Leo is a guy with a tongue
KAYLA: It was not that one
SARAH: Adam Sandler, oh I think that's on… that might be on Netflix
KAYLA: That's Netflix, that's a Netflix one, no it was the new like… it's not like princess because she's not a princess but the new like girl lead
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Singing Disney movie, it wasn't really good but no romance to be seen
SARAH: Hell, yeah.
KAYLA: In fact, one couple guy is dead
SARAH: Mm-hmm, classic
KAYLA: Other man who was presumably married at some point wife never seen presumed dead, main villain divorced at the end
SARAH: Oh, great
KAYLA: It's what I would call what happened
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: And no other romance to be seen so
SARAH: Of course, Disney loves divorce
KAYLA: I mean, it wasn't so much of divorce, spoilers, it wasn't so much a divorce as like the villain was a king and then there was the queen but then he turned evil and trapped him in a crystal and now she's like…
SARAH: They’re separated
KAYLA: I’m presuming they're just considering themselves to divorces
SARAH: They’re separated
KAYLA: They’re separated. I would assume, so, if anything like anti-romance, so
SARAH: Incredible. I have not seen The Hunger Games movie yet on account of…
KAYLA: Me neither
SARAH: I didn't finish the book in time Miranda and her family saw it but I had not finished the book in time and I was so sleepy and so instead I watched Bones with Miranda’s grandma
KAYLA: The television program?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Nice
SARAH: Um, but I still haven't finished the book because I was going to read it on the plane but then I was like I need… I don't want to think about existentialism I’m going to read fan-fiction instead
KAYLA: See, that's the thing is Dean and I almost saw the new Hunger Games tonight but the show times were 5:15 which like when am I going to eat dinner? and then 8:45 which I would not be here right now
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, it didn't end up happening but I was also like do I want to think about the themes of that movie right now? No
SARAH: Yeah, look, I’ve heard the movie is very good, the book is very good, when they first announced the book in like… because it came out in 2020 and they were like it's a prequel about president Snow as a youth I was like why do I care? I don't care, I don't give a shit
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But now that I’ve started reading it I do in fact give a shit
KAYLA: You do care, yeah. No, I’ve heard really good things like I have been a day one Rachel Zegler stan, I don't… I do not understand hate, I’ve been a stan of her since before West Side Story
SARAH: And she sings all over the place in this movie
KAYLA: Yeah, so like… you know what's funny about me being a day one Rachel Zegler fan? I’ve never seen a single movie she's been in, I just stan her presence
SARAH: Just thinks she's cool
KAYLA: Never seen her work
SARAH: Great, like not a big fan of her work. just a big fan of her
KAYLA: No, I’m sure her work is great, I just haven't seen it
SARAH: Unfamiliar
KAYLA: It's so funny, maybe we'll just keep that going, maybe I’ll never see the new Hunger Games
SARAH: Oh, no
KAYLA: I had something else, oh I told Sarah this, but something really embarrassing happened to me lately, recently which is that several several months ago maybe like half a year ago now I read the book Legends and Lattes which I would highly recommend to anyone it is a like… it's like high fantasy like DND style fantasy but like cozy like the plot is very like chill and the conflicts get resolved in like a chapter so there's nothing to be stressed about which I love and it's also gay
SARAH: Gay
KAYLA: So, a slay all around I read it like six months ago or whatever and then I went to the bookstore… okay, first part of this story is slay second part is embarrassing, so I went to the bookstore…
SARAH: We’ve heard part of this on the pod before
KAYLA: Oh, yeah, okay, so I had the perfect bookstore experience, right? I was like oh I want a book like that, I found a book that was marketed on the book as in-universe, okay? I just want to put that out there, that is how it was marketed as oh it's in the same world, okay? So, I was like, oh slay different characters, same vibe, okay? I’m reading the book blah blah blah, I get to the end happy happy, there is an epilogue which is set in the setting of the first book and I’m like that's weird these characters are the characters from this book but why are they in the setting from the other book which is when I realized that I had forgotten the name of the first… the main character in the first book and that the main character in the second book was the same person as the main character of the first book because the second book was a prequel, that was… plot completely unrelated, like you… the author said in the author's note like you can read these standalone like it was just the like…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It gives more context to like why the character is the way they are in the first book but like it's not like nothing plot wise is necessary but then I finished it and I was just sitting there I think I was like on the plane I was just sitting there I was on the plane I was just pissed because I was like I feel like I read this entire book wrong and I feel like I have to reread…
SARAH: At the light too
KAYLA: Well, because I felt I hadn't been reading the book in the correct light and like with all of the context so I was like I feel like I need to reread this like I feel like I read it wrong so then I like didn't… I had like shows downloaded, I had podcasts to listen to, I didn't do any of that for the rest of the flight, I just listened to sad music for the rest of the flight, played my phone games because I’m so mad
SARAH: Okay, when you texted me about that you gave me zero context and so the only thing I could gather was something prequel, I didn't know it was a prequel book and because I had been in the Hunger Games mode I was like… I was like you didn't know this was a prequel
KAYLA: Imagine, Imagine. I mean that's basically what I did
SARAH: Could you not remember who the president is?
KAYLA: That’s basically what I did, is if I had just forgotten who president Snow was, I just read the other book like oh how fun?
SARAH: How fun? Yeah, but that's what I thought at first and then I realized that was not what you were talking about
KAYLA: Not what I was talking about, but I mean both books… the first one is… first one is Legends and Lattes, the second one is Bookshops and Bone Dust, great books, just keep in mind when you read the second one that it's the first one and the characters are the same and the reason that the main characters look really similar and are like the same race of species…
SARAH: Is because they’re the same
KAYLA: It’s not just because the author really likes writing stories about like butch orcs it's because it's the same characters
SARAH: Because it's the same butch orcs
KAYLA: It’s because it’s the same butch orcs, both times just like one is younger and like they… their hair is different, you know, oh what did you… oh I’m so sad
SARAH: Um, do we think that's enough?
KAYLA: I bet it has to be, right? There can't be anything else
[00:40:00]
SARAH: Yeah. I’m actually really impressed with us because we didn't really spend any time in this podcast being like oh what should we talk about, we just… we were just telling our little silly stories
KAYLA: No. So much… so much… just a little show and tell
SARAH: Oh my God, all right, well…
KAYLA: What am I going to title this episode? I have to title it something fun so people don't just skip over and be like oh…
SARAH: The author loves shit butch orcs
KAYLA: This author loves butch orcs, you know what? That’s it. I’m writing that down. This author loves butch orcs
SARAH: Anyway… okay, so, uh, what's our…
KAYLA: I opened my notes app and the first thing… so I recently went to a chili cook-off party where seven different people cooked chilies and then we all had like little tastes and we like voted on best chili, it was… I don't know it was cute but so I made a notes app while I was doing it with pictures of the chili and my notes about it so I opened my notes app just to like a picture of…
SARAH: Chili
KAYLA: Really wet, really wet chili
SARAH: You meant the not soup American item? that is you put in a bowl?
KAYLA: Yeah. Hey, when I said cook off and I ate, what did you think I meant?
SARAH: Like a little chili pepper
KAYLA: Hey, man, what?
SARAH: In my defense…
KAYLA: I was wondering why you were so like…like so judgmental of this on your face when I said it, but I was like maybe she just doesn't like fun, I don't know
SARAH: In my defense…
KAYLA: No
SARAH: I saw a photo today of a man who was presenting at um the MAMA awards which is like a K-pop award show and instead of having a pocket square he just had three green chilies in his pocket
KAYLA: You're right Sarah, that's a really good defense for yourself, that doesn't make any of this worse, you're right, you're right
SARAH: I was like how many ways could there be to just cook a whole small chili
KAYLA: Boil it, fry it
SARAH: I guess it's about the seasoning
KAYLA: Oh, this is a thought… before we go, one last thing, do you think… what do you think would happen if you boiled a burger patty?
SARAH: I think it would mostly stay together
KAYLA: You think?
SARAH: Not entirely, but mostly
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: It would definitely become like more webby like it would be less compact I think
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: It would cook
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: It would cook
KAYLA: Yeah, Dean and I were discussing the idea of a reverse barbecue and how it's just you cook everything inside and boil it instead of outside and grilling
SARAH: Oh, okay
KAYLA: And I was like what would happen if you boiled a burger but, so anyway
SARAH: Speaking of…
KAYLA: Because I offered boiled hot dogs and he said no I don't want that and I was like well that was the obvious answer for boiled barbecue food but I guess we'll boil a burger if that's really what you want
SARAH: Fine, we'll boil some ribs
KAYLA: So, honestly a good chance when we finally get back into our house this weekend that a burger gets boiled, I really feel like we're going to boil a burger out for the house this weekend, I’ll keep you all updated
SARAH: Okay, I want to say on the topic of notes on our phone, my most recent one it was from my drive home today and it just says murder in the underground pedestrian tunnel at the Hollywood bowl
KAYLA: Yes, I did hear
SARAH: Except, it says murder in the underground pedestrian
KAYLA: Even better keep it
SARAH: I think that's a… I think that would be an interesting setting for a murder
KAYLA: I agree
SARAH: For those of you who have been in there, like the ceiling is lower than you'd expect
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: And when you're leaving the concert it's very full of people and you're like wow if somebody were to…
KAYLA: If someone just like did a discreet stab…
SARAH: I was thinking more like if someone bombed this but yeah that's better
KAYLA: Um, okay, I was thinking of like you have your target you like are all in the tunnel and you sneak around and you're just like and then you stab and run away
SARAH: I meant more like in the off season like you're down… you lure someone down there
KAYLA: Okay, but you just had mentioned how crowded it was
SARAH: I know
KAYLA: Why would you… who was going to follow you to the tunnels of the house? Not me
SARAH: I also don't… I also don't know if they can be easily accessed in the office
KAYLA: Probably not, I think my idea is better
SARAH: And my other thing is like if you lure someone down there to kill them and you leave their body there if it is accessible to human people there will definitely be unhoused people taking refuge down there so it's like do you pay them off? do you just hope they don't say anything
KAYLA: I just don't think it's possible, I don't think you could get in there, I’m sure they have security cameras, I’m sure there's security working there in the off season and if it is accessible then people definitely live there
SARAH: There wasn't security when I was walking through it
KAYLA: That you could see?
SARAH: Anyway, um if anyone wants to write a mystery novel where the…
KAYLA: You’re not just giving your ideas away? okay
SARAH: I’m not capable of writing a mystery novel
KAYLA: That's probably true
SARAH: I mean like if I really wanted to I could but like I would suffer
KAYLA: See, and this is why I laughed at you for saying when you were earlier you were like but what if I want to write while I don't have a computer and I did a giggle, this is what…
SARAH: And Kayla immediately laughed
KAYLA: I go…
SARAH: It was so rude
KAYLA: I go
SARAH: It was so rude
KAYLA: It was my silliest joke yet, it was so silly
SARAH: Anyway, did we talk about poll?
KAYLA: What is there to say? what is there to poll?
SARAH: Is Gerry a jerk? But you have to spell jerk the way that Gerry is spelled
KAYLA: G-E-R-R-K
SARAH: Yeah. Is Gerry a jerk?
KAYLA: Yeah, that's not going to be the poll
SARAH: Okay, whatever. Um, what's your beef and your juice for this week
KAYLA: I think we've well uh… or my beef is good and covered uh my juice is that is these trader joe's sour jelly beans
SARAH: Oh, good for you
KAYLA: I told Dean when he went to trader Joe's to get us candy for the movie to sneak in my pocket and they're really sour, several times during the movie we ate them and it had to be like…
SARAH: I like a good sour gummy worm but I’m not a sour girly because like sour gummy…
KAYLA: I’m a sour girly
SARAH: Because like sour gummy worms are not really that sour
KAYLA: I ate a warhead recently and I… my mouth is watering right now just thinking about it, it was the most intense experience, like when they say like oh if you're having an anxiety attack eat something sour, I understood that moment, why? because I was like how could I be anxious when I’m fighting for my life
SARAH: Fighting for your life. I ate a pickle yesterday
KAYLA: Congrats
SARAH: And it was a lot. I had previously had pickles from this from this venue that were…
KAYLA: Extra pickles
SARAH: That were really good but for some reason this batch of pickles was just like extra sour and I was like I want to cut my tongue off but I also still want to eat this pickle
KAYLA: I love… I love a pickle
SARAH: It was… it hurt my teeth
KAYLA: Well
SARAH: Huge news, I’m still on my parents’ insurance through the end of the year so I…
KAYLA: Just get dentures at this point
SARAH: So, I’m trying to… I’m on the wait list
KAYLA: Get veneers
SARAH: I’m on the wait list to go to the dentist in Michigan one more time
KAYLA: I love that, you should just get your whole mouth redone while you're still on it I think
SARAH: Um, okay, my beef, my juice, my juice is this the YungI dropping and the sope dropping game, sope S-O-P-E, it's… you drop the little guys and they combine, I’ve been…
KAYLA: Oh, like the watermelon game?
SARAH: It is the watermelon game
KAYLA: But for BTS
SARAH: But the pictures are of either Yungi or Yungi and Hobi
KAYLA: Good Lord
SARAH: Um, I’ve been having a great time, my beef is assholes who are so assholing that even in professional scenarios they are still giant assholes all the time
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: My other beef is people who are like well stream shamers, I hate stream shamers that's not a word, I made it up, but if you get it, you get it. I saw someone who was like… got their Spotify wrapped and there was like look how many like minutes I listened to music, it added up to 305 days-worth of music in a year
KAYLA: That can't be healthy
SARAH: And someone was like how did you do that? And they were like…
KAYLA: In the night?
SARAH: And they were like, I’m streaming on my laptop 24/7, to which I say, girl, I listen to music to enjoy it not to… not to play some numbers game just so I can feel like I have some outsized role in my fave success I don't… like I’m not going to stream for the sake of streaming, I’m going to listen to music to listen to music what is your problem?
KAYLA: People are wild
SARAH: Spotify wrapped is out, that can be our poll, tell us about your favorite thing that your Spotify wrapped uncovered and I think…
KAYLA: It should be us
SARAH: Apple music also has a wrapped thing that came out
KAYLA: I don't know how they did that without like being sued but
SARAH: Well, also it came out the same day
KAYLA: No
SARAH: I think it did come out a little bit earlier
KAYLA: It can't… well, your roommate posted her Apple wrapped yesterday and Spotify came out today
SARAH: Oh, yesterday?
KAYLA: I think so
SARAH: Clearly, I’m not keeping up with the Instagram story
KAYLA: Wow, fucked up, I’m keeping up better with your roommate than you are
[00:50:00]
SARAH: I just saw that like everyone was… who uses apple music was posting them today probably just because the Spotify did it
KAYLA: I feel… I mean I could be wrong but I feel like it was yesterday
SARAH: You know what? It doesn't matter because this isn't the day that the podcast is coming out, so nothing…
KAYLA: It actually doesn't matter
SARAH: Matters, that's all. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your Spotify wrapped on our social media @soundsfakepod, we also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you want to give us your money. Our $5 patrons we are promoting this week are phoenix, Elliot, Rachel, Rebecca Manon and Scott Ainsley y'all are the best. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Barefoot Backpacker who would like to promote their YouTube channel RTW barefoot, Song of Storm who would like to promote a healthy work-life balance, Allison who would like to promote Ardent Gray by Rostov and Ani who would like to promote the importance of being kind to yourself and others, so true bestie. our other $10 patrons are Arcness, Benjamin Ybarra, Boston Smith, Selena Dobson, David Harris, Derick and Karissa, Albiter, my aunt Jennie, Kayla's dad
KAYLA: Oh, Kevin, slay
SARAH: Kevin is a patron now and he would like to promote Jandicreations.com
KAYLA: True that’s…
SARAH: J-A-N-D-I creations dot com, I follow them on Instagram
KAYLA: Check them out, that's my parents and my… they're like our family friends woodworking business and they make such good shit
SARAH: They work that wood
KAYLA: So true
SARAH: Also, Maff, Martin Giselle, Parker, Purple Haze and Val. our $15 other patrons are Ace who would like to promote the writer Crystal Share, Andrew Hellen who would like to promote Invisible Spectrum podcast, Dia Chappelle who would like to promote twitch.tv/melodydia, Hector Mario who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive and help you grow as a better person, Nathanael White who would like to promote Nathanieljwhitedesigns.com and Kayla’s aunt Nina who would like to promote KateMaggartArt.com. Our $20 patron is dragonfly who would like to promote not having mosquitoes in your indoor desk job in southern California, they keep biting me, thanks for listening tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]