Ep 112: Pet Peeves of Asexual People
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl. I'm Sarah, that's me
KAYLA: And a demi-straight girl, that's me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: On today's episode, pet peeves
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay
KAYLA: My cat
SARAH: What was that noise
KAYLA: It was the cat, just doing the zoomies
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Oh, um, m’meow.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: That's all I have to say on that topic
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Um cool. Hi everyone.
KAYLA: Hello
SARAH: It's a day
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Woohoo?
KAYLA: Wow, starting this one off… my cat is going crazy. Starting this… oh my god, so strong
SARAH: So strong. Listen, it has been a rough couple of days for me. My voice just went away Oh… Ideal for podcast
KAYLA: Hi girl.
SARAH: Wow. All right. Uh, Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: Uh, this time we're talking about the pet peeves that ace people may have…
SARAH: About allo people.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Kayla says the first time because we're once again recording two in one night and I'm not going to delete either of that this time
KAYLA: I know, I was telling someone at work we were recording two in one and I was like, you know the last time we did this we lost one. So, prayers
SARAH: You know what made me feel a lot better. I was listening to the Golden Ratio podcast today and she also accidentally deleted an entire episode.
KAYLA: Oh good.
SARAH: So, it made me feel better.
KAYLA: That is good
SARAH: Oh boy. Okay, but yeah, we're talking about some pet peeves we have about allos, because I feel like, listen we live in an allo-centric world. All right, and sometimes you just got to complain about them.
KAYLA: It's like how the gays are like are the straights okay?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It's like are the allos okay?
SARAH: Are the allos okay? are most of the human population okay?
KAYLA: No, probably not
SARAH: Yeah, that's true. Okay, so I have a couple listed Kayla has none listed…
KAYLA: Things are regular.
SARAH: I feel like they're just going to roll right off the tongue.
KAYLA: I mean, I'm sure I'll come up with them as we go, you know
SARAH: Yeah. Okay. Well, I'm going to start then.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: My first pet peeve is Valentine's Day like okay
KAYLA: Oh Okay, so we're also doing aromanticism then.
SARAH: Yeah. It's me Kayla, I conflate the two cons
KAYLA: I know but I'm… I try to unconflate them and also I'm very sorry my cat has the zoomies
SARAH: So many noises. Stop receiving texts.
KAYLA: It's work. I don't know what to tell you
SARAH: Okay, Valentine's Day. Here is the deal with Valentine's Day. Just like calm down, bro Like I need Valentine's Day to calm the fuck down, it's such a big thing in America. It's super commercialized and then you're going to throw Sweetest Day at me in October like no you get one
KAYLA: Sweetest day is a lot, Valentine's Day I don't really have much against like I… I don't know. I'm not like a super Valentine's Day person. I don't hate it. But Sweetest Day is like… No
SARAH: I don't have anything against the concept of Valentine's Day. I mostly just have something against the extremes that people go to in the United States regarding Valentine's Day.
KAYLA: Yes, like… What celebrity was it where they like filled an entire room with like roses or something
SARAH: That sounds expensive.
KAYLA: That's just like… I'm sure there's a better use of your money
SARAH: Yeah, and it's like, you know maybe buy your significant other some flowers, call it a day, we don't have to have… there's always a bunch of movies that come out around Valentine's Day, that are rom-coms. Listen, and then Sweetest Day which is basically the same thing but in October…
KAYLA: Sweetest Day I'm almost positive, I'm not going to look it up though because what podcast do you think you're listening to
SARAH: Let’s make false claims
KAYLA: What is actually a day that Hallmark, like made up
SARAH: Honestly not shocked.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: My opinion is you get one allos, you get Valentine's Day or you get Sweetest Day. It seems like the preferred one is Valentine's Day. So, no sweetest day for you. Like where is my platonic friendships day? Like where is my major commercialized holiday all about just being buds?
KAYLA: Well, that's Galentine’s day
SARAH: How come we don't get one of those? Just about being buds
KAYLA: No, Galentine's Day.
SARAH: Oh, I thought you said Valentine's Day, I was like this...
KAYLA: No, Galentine's Day
SARAH: I would like to thank Amy Knope for Galentine's Day because Galentine's Day is a wonderful wonderful time
KAYLA: It's a Leslie Knope first of all
SARAH: Amy. Wait, what did I just mix up her actual name?
KAYLA: Yes…
SARAH: And her… okay.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: It's fine
KAYLA: Here's one that I have, speaking of extravagant things, is Promposals.
SARAH: Mm.
KAYLA: Now, I don't know, I think that they… sometimes a little too far, I had one that was like kind of elaborate but like sometimes it's just very much
SARAH: Yeah, I mean I… the ones at my school… none of them were like insane, but there were definitely ones that like involved planning, like you had to maybe talk to… like my friend got promposed by… we had a lacrosse game and the person who was promposing to her had the people in like the box play this song over the speakers and then he had like a poster that was like “will you go to prom with me?” and like you got to like talk to people to make that happen. You got to figure out who to talk to
KAYLA: Mine, the one I had… I was sent on a scavenger hunt which does involve planning
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But also, I think the ones that get me and I think I feel this way about Valentine's Day too is like I'm okay with it being a big thing but I feel like it should be more of like an experience rather than like I'm going to spend a billion dollars.
SARAH: Yeah. Some people spend a lot of money on proposing.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think the promposing that I don't like are the ones that cost a bunch of money and it's like you're literally 18 and we know that's your parents money
SARAH: Right. You're just flaunting that your parents are wealthy
KAYLA: Yeah, but I think like experiential things like going and doing something together for Valentine's Day or like not getting each other gifts and like deciding going to go on vacation or like
SARAH: Yeah, I know a lot of people just like show up at the person's house with like a poster and flowers, I've helped coordinate that before, a lot of times two people would just like do it in front of a lot of people so the pressure is high
KAYLA: I witnessed one that was in front of a lot of people and it was someone… None of them… listen, should I just tell it?
SARAH: Go for it.
KAYLA: It's so funny. So, we were doing Tarzan in my junior year
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And the guy that played Tarzan like swung down from like the vine rig we had
SARAH: Oh my god
KAYLA: With a sign that was like “will you go to prom with me?” And so the girl he asked said yes in the moment because the whole cast was there but then later she was like no, just kidding
SARAH: Oh no
KAYLA: That's the problem I think with doing it in front of a lot of people is like then you feel pressured
SARAH: Yeah, like my friend who was asked at a lacrosse game like he knew going in that she was going to say yes.
KAYLA: Yeah, see that's fine, if it's like someone you're dating then you can do it.
SARAH: They weren't dating but like it was like a thing, you know
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I had a situation where someone basically… I don't know if it was prom or homecoming where someone is basically just like they had someone else ask me like if this person asks you to this dance. Would you say yes?
KAYLA: See that's smart. It's kind of like consider it… It's kind of I mean, it's kind of funny because it's like Oh my friend told me to tell you blah blah blah, but like it's better than the alternative.
SARAH: Yeah, also because I told them I would probably say no, so it was a lot of trouble there.
KAYLA: It worked out
SARAH: It did, it did. Another pet peeve of mine is Romantic plots in everything, movies, TV shows if it's not the A plot, you know, it's going to be the B plot and like, okay look, I know that that's like your experience or whatever at allo people in the world but whatever I want to see Swords more and kissing less.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: If there is going to be kissing it better be a ship that I ship a lot make it queer please, stop giving me these white ass hetero couples unless they're really good, I just… it seems unnecessary to have romantic plots in everything.
KAYLA: I agree, I think they definitely aren’t needed everywhere especially when there is like a female character just for the romantic plot.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: I think I mind romantic plots a lot less than you do and like…
SARAH: Yeah
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: I enjoy a good rom-com
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But I do agree especially when it's like feels very forced and obviously they should be more queer and like interracial and all of that
SARAH: Yeah, and like when I'm personally I'm writing like I can write romantic subplots if I want to…
KAYLA: I've seen it
SARAH: A main plot. Yeah
KAYLA: I've seen Sarah write a flirting scene. It was wild
SARAH: Um but I just now picturing you like staring at me as I'm typing on my computer
KAYLA: Well, I mean that is kind of what happened at one point
SARAH: But it's just something that like I… to me is not a priority in my writing. So, a lot of times I'll have characters where it's like, I don't know. I think whoever might be theoretically reading this or watching this might ship these two characters and I kind of keep that in the back of my head where I'm like, that would be a good ship, but that doesn't mean I'm necessarily going to like make it a whole big thing
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because that's just not my M.O. Like a lot of times it would be like if for some reason this got made or published or whatever and people like shipped that I would be like “Yeah, I'd support that” But it's not necessarily like I'm going to throw this ship in your face
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I'll let you ship whatever the fuck you want to ship, unless it's an aro-ace character
KAYLA: True, but I respect that because there are many authors out there looking at you JK Rowling who definitely listens to that and people write things and then they try to own them and it's like you can't… you already wrote it and you put it out stop
SARAH: Yeah, once it's out in the world, it's not yours anymore.
KAYLA: That's just a pet peeve I have I think in life that I get very angry about not allo-specific
SARAH: What is what is your next pet peeve?
KAYLA: My next one is when you describe Demisexuality to you and then they're like, well, that's just good people/normal people because it's a really hard thing to argue against
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Because if people don't have like your experience or aren't like on the ace spectrum. It is like kind of hard to explain how it's different
SARAH: Yeah, and like society and social norms like do tell people that it's quote-unquote like normal or good to like not just be hooking up with people all the time and it's hard to kind of completely re-train someone’s thinking in a single conversation where you’re explaining demi-sexuality
KAYLA: Yeah, it’s hard
SARAH: I see, I’ve already run out of pet peeves. I only wrote two.
KAYLA: I… oh, there goes the cat.
SARAH: There she goes. Another pet peeve I have about allos.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Is… I mean this one, self-explanatory. Why are all the songs love songs?
KAYLA: Man, I was going to say that next shit.
SARAH: Sorry
KAYLA: Fuck
SARAH: Why are they all love songs? Give me more platonic love songs. Give me more… I am building a fire with my friends.
KAYLA: I found… I thought of one.
SARAH: You don't need to interrupt me to do that.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I Just… love songs, too many that they are such a majority of songs and I'm over it.
KAYLA: Mine. Am I allowed to talk now?
SARAH: Yes, you are
KAYLA: Mine is when people look at their babies and then there's like a boy baby and a girl baby and they're like, oh my god it's like a boyfriend and girlfriend and then they like get their little boy a shirt that says like flirt and they get the girl a shirt that says something stupid
SARAH: He's such a ladies’ man, he's an infant
KAYLA: Or like the dad gets a shirt that's like when she grows up. I'm going to…
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: Shotgun a boy because I assume a…
SARAH: I’m going to…
KAYLA: That she likes boys and B that she likes anyone
SARAH: Wait, would you say shotgun a boy? I was imagining like shotgun a beer
KAYLA: No, okay
SARAH: I want…
KAYLA: No, now I want to stay in this space for a while. If you were to shotgun a boy, where would you make like the hole?
SARAH: Belly button
KAYLA: See that's good, but usually when you shotgun a beer you put the hole like on a side and the belly button tends to be right there in the middle
SARAH: See I've never shotgunned a beer.
KAYLA: Well, me either, but I've watched it
SARAH: For our listeners, what is shotgunning a beer?
KAYLA: A beer shotgun is when you like take a key or a knife and you like put a hole in like the side bottom of the beer can and then you like hold it upside, I'm like miming it as if anyone can see me except for my cat right now
SARAH: Yeah, they can
KAYLA: And you like tip it up and then you crack it open and it makes it go very fast and you chug it
SARAH: It seems horrible.
KAYLA: Um, I did it actually with a Mike's Hard one time which are very carbonated and it didn't go well and that's…
SARAH: Did your nose explode?
KAYLA: A little and that's the only time I've attempted it. So…
SARAH: Why would you shotgun something that's carbonated?
KAYLA: That's all we had. I also hate beer.
SARAH: Oh my god.
KAYLA: Desperate times, Sarah.
SARAH: But yeah, I think I mean, I guess you could do like a like a… Somewhere in like the sternum area, I guess if you don't want it to be so simple.
KAYLA: I'm thinking shoulder.
SARAH: Okay. Yeah. Are you just like sucking the organ?
KAYLA: Well, then you need a place to crack it open. Okay. No.
SARAH: Mouth.
KAYLA: I think ankle and then you open the mouth. And you hold up the boy and you drink. I guess the blood. I guess maybe we should ask a vampire.
SARAH: Okay, that sounds good.
KAYLA: Do you think vampires have like contests of like who can drink the most blood before?
SARAH: Do they ever just shotgun a person? Oh my god.
KAYLA: Well, but like a pie eating contest with like a person.
SARAH: That's amazing.
KAYLA: Do you think?
SARAH: You know, I was watching. Yes. I was watching… So, Sean Johnson recently had her baby.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: And her husband, Andrew, he posted on his Instagram about how one morning he was just crying a lot because he was like, she's already a month old. She's growing up.
KAYLA: Oh my God
SARAH: Like… And Sean was making fun of him. And he was like, I'm just thinking about her wedding. And I was like…
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Here's the deal. He never specified what gender she would be marrying, which mad respect. However, as an ace person, aro ace person, I was just like, what if she… what if she just is going to have an adult quinceanera like me?
KAYLA: Stop it.
SARAH: What if she's not getting married?
KAYLA: Can your going away party be an adult quinceanera?
SARAH: I have thought about having a going away party and then I realized it was too complicated.
KAYLA: You should make someone else plan it and it should be an adult quinceanera. Make Emily plan it. She's an event planner.
SARAH: Yeah, but here's the thing. A lot of my friends are in Ann Arbor in finals right now and then they're going home for Christmas and then I'm leaving.
KAYLA: I had not thought of this.
SARAH: Yes, it's really more of a timing thing.
KAYLA: Well, one day you'll have an adult quinceanera.
SARAH: Okay. Did I just go? Is it your turn?
KAYLA: Um, I don't remember…
SARAH: I genuinely can’t remember
KAYLA: How we got to the vampire shotgun. Oh, no, it was mine. I said he was going to shotgun a boy. It's your turn.
SARAH: Oh, right. Yeah. Um, this is...
KAYLA: I have another if you'd like.
SARAH: Go.
KAYLA: Recently, and this hasn't happened to us, I don't think, but this is a more serious one, so calm down, everyone.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: There has been people on Twitter putting asexual people in accounts on group chats on Twitter, and then sending pictures of…
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: Aces must die written out in nasty ways.
SARAH: Oh my god.
KAYLA: And I honestly don't know how it hasn't happened to us yet, not that like we're a huge account, but like...
SARAH: Oh yeah, we're huge.
KAYLA: I mean, like, we're not small, you know?
SARAH: Yeah. Within the community, yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah, and that sucks.
SARAH: It's horrible.
KAYLA: And like, I know Yasmin Benoit? Is that how you say it?
SARAH: That's the French way to say it.
KAYLA: Well then there it is. She's an activist, and I know she's gotten like a lot of hate similar to that.
SARAH: Oh my god.
KAYLA: And like, um, that's... I have to assume those people are allo, because that'd be wild.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But that fucking sucks. And also, I mean...
SARAH: That's like a death threat.
KAYLA: Yeah, and also not that like, inclusion in the queer community is like a contest, like we've said. However, if it was, be like, we're getting there!
SARAH: Kayla!
KAYLA: I'm just... Okay, but like, it is. You know?
SARAH: Oh god. Um, I would say that's more than a pet peeve. That's like a fuck you.
KAYLA: Yes, but yes.
SARAH: Um, another pet peeve is just like PDA in general. I just, I don't like it. I... There are some situations where a little bit of it is okay, but I just... Stop it. It's only, I only like it if I'm watching a TV show.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Where there's really good ship.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And even then, honestly, if it's PDA, no. If you're like in a room, okay.
KAYLA: DA.
[00:20:00]
SARAH: If there are another... There are other people in that room.
KAYLA: If it’s a DA
SARAH: If it's a... What?
KAYLA: Demonstrated affection. Not public. Just a DA.
SARAH: Oh, just a... Yeah. Just a demonstration of affection.
KAYLA: What if you have friends that you really ship? Or like people in the world that you see and you're like, I really ship them so this is okay.
SARAH: In my experience, it depends on the situation.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: If it's something that it's like, I've been waiting for this to happen, just let it fucking happen. I'm like, okay, I'm into this for like five minutes.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And then I'm like, this is enough. Just start dating. Some people, when they like, kind of like each other, just get super PDA-ish from the start. I hate that.
KAYLA: I hate it.
SARAH: PDA is dumb.
KAYLA: I don't know. I feel like when I was like a teenager, I was like, meh, disgusting. And now I just kind of, if I see it, I just kind of like turn away and I'm like, that's not for me to see.
SARAH: But like, here's the thing, Kayla.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: You're… you do a decent amount of PDA.
KAYLA: Uh, yes.
SARAH: So, when you see it, you don't like to look at it, but you still do it yourself?
KAYLA: Well, when I do it, I don't think about it.
SARAH: See, that's where, that's the problem.
KAYLA: Yeah, I guess, but it's also like, other people could just look away.
SARAH: I mean, what if it's in my own home?
KAYLA: Well, leave.
SARAH: My own home?
KAYLA: Bye.
SARAH: What if I'm watching television in my own home?
KAYLA: Watch the TV.
SARAH: It's very distracting.
KAYLA: I don't know, Sarah. I don't know what to tell you.
SARAH: I'm just saying, be aware of it allos, you motherfuckers.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Be aware of it and stop.
KAYLA: Okay. The porn industry is bad.
SARAH: Yeah. It's exploitative. Porn itself isn't necessarily bad inherently.
KAYLA: A lot of the major porn companies are like, not good. There's some great ones run by women, I've heard.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But mostly bad.
SARAH: Mostly bad.
KAYLA: You have to assume that's the allos.
SARAH: Yeah, I would also assume that.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Another pet peeve about allos.
KAYLA: This one is about people with children, which are mostly allos. Gender reveals are a lot.
SARAH: Yeah, I was going to say that earlier and then I just simply didn't for some reason.
KAYLA: Though I did see a funny video recently of people doing gender reveals.
SARAH: They scream?
KAYLA: That one was good. Did you see the one where a bunch of gas came out and they pretended like they were dying?
SARAH: That is exactly what I'm thinking of.
KAYLA: That was a good one.
SARAH: It's like a smoke bomb, but instead of being pink or blue, it's just green and then everyone starts screaming and pretending to die.
KAYLA: It was very good. The one I was talking about, it was a compilation of gender reveals where there was already a child and then this was the new baby, the younger sibling. And the older kid was getting really mad about the gender and started crying. And this is a compilation of those. And I mean, that was funny. Because that's just funny.
SARAH: Oh man, that is funny.
KAYLA: In general, though, kind of a lot.
SARAH: Yeah, I think you should have... your kid's gender reveal should be on their 18th birthday. And they can announce to the world what gender they feel they are. And if at a later date they feel the need to revise that, you can have a second gender reveal party.
KAYLA: Oh my god, that'd be so cute. Can you imagine if your kid transitioned or came out as non-binary and you threw them a gender reveal party?
SARAH: I mean, yeah, I mean, I think I've mentioned this on the pod before, but the woman who basically started the trend of gender reveal parties...
KAYLA: And it was like this bad...
SARAH: Was like, I don't... I regret everything.
KAYLA: I think the only... the gender reveal, I think, if you're going to do it, should be like you and like some family members, and you can just be told, and you can celebrate, but it... why is it so big?
SARAH: Yeah, I... okay, so like I can understand wanting to know, but also you shouldn't raise your kid any differently.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like my mom said, like, because I mean me and my sister, we are two girls, and we asked my mom recently like how she felt when she... because they didn't find out the gender reveal the rest before we were born. And we asked her like how she felt about the fact that it was two girls and she was like, she was happy because it was kind of like a tradition thing. There's a couple generations of two girls now, so that's like a thing. But she was also like, I wouldn't know what to do with the boy.
KAYLA: That's so fair.
SARAH: And I was like, on one hand, I get that. On the other hand, I would, I want to say like you should raise them the same but society just makes that so hard.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, even if you go in with the best of…
SARAH: Like I don’t blame her
KAYLA: Yeah. If you in with the best intentions of raising the same… raising them the same and you buy your kid a mix of toys and different colored clothes and stuff, as intentional as you are, there's no way that you, it's not possible to really do it.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Even because of what other people around you are going to do and you'll have to react to how other people act.
SARAH: Another thing with Andrew East and Shawn Johnson, I promise I'm not trying to come after them, I think they're great parents, but Andrew was so convinced that it was going to be a boy that they didn't get too many girly clothes. And then after their daughter was born, they went and bought a bunch of bows because he was so convinced it wasn't going to be a girl that they didn't have any. And I was like, does she need one?
KAYLA: Yeah, I also really don't like when dads get super upset that it's not a boy.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I cannot stand that.
SARAH: It's just the patriarchy. Also, sometimes moms will get upset when they find out it's not a boy just because they know that by having a daughter, she's going to go through so much shit.
KAYLA: I mean, that's fair.
SARAH: Like, they want a boy for the fact that their life will be better for it, which, I mean, that sucks.
KAYLA: That's sad. And also, like, I mean, you go into other countries, like China had the rule for a long time where you could only have one kid, but if it was a boy, stuff was different, and I mean, that's just like... yikes.
SARAH: Indeed.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: What are other ones I have?
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: Me either.
SARAH: Cool.
KAYLA: I mean, thinking asexuality is like, a brain problem is bad.
SARAH: Or a plant.
KAYLA: Or a plant, or like, you need therapy.
SARAH: Dumb.
KAYLA: Or sometimes I wonder, there's like a lot of articles coming out now about asexuality, which is like, super great. I almost worry if it's becoming a trendy thing, or people are just writing about it because they know they'll get views on their whatever.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Sometimes I worry about that. But I guess beggars can't be choosers.
SARAH: Yeah, I mean, having information spread about queerness is good so long as that information is accurate.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And hopefully it will become ingrained enough in the culture that even if it is kind of a trendy thing now, it will stay in the culture long term because people will be like, Yes, this is a thing that I know and understand now, and I find it to be normal, and blah blah blah.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Um, pet peeve. You know what's weird?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Differences in handwriting between boys and girls.
KAYLA: Now we're just getting into gender.
SARAH: I know. I just thought about that though.
KAYLA: I remember in like maybe middle school, there was this boy who had really good handwriting and I was like, his handwriting looks like a girl. And really, his handwriting just looked legible. I hate when men have bad handwriting. There's no excuse.
SARAH: If it's like loopier, it's like more feminine somehow.
KAYLA: Yeah. When people have bad handwriting, at our age or older, unless you're a doctor, no.
SARAH: Doctors, it's required.
KAYLA: Doctors, it's required. My granny was a nurse practitioner. Worst handwriting ever. I can never understand what she writes me. But it's like, that's fine. You saved lives.
SARAH: Yeah, my grandma was a nurse and her handwriting was...
KAYLA: If you save lives, you can have bad handwriting. Anyone else? No.
SARAH: Yeah, my other grandma was a teacher and her handwriting is really good. Like, she has very, very beautiful handwriting.
KAYLA: Can you imagine being a teacher and having to read shit kid handwriting? I can't.
SARAH: Yeah, it's a lot.
KAYLA: I simply can't.
SARAH: It's a lot.
[00:30:00]
KAYLA: It's not for me.
SARAH: Anyway. Oh, here's a very specific, specific pet peeve. What's-her-face on New Year's? She always kisses a random guy?
KAYLA: I hate that.
SARAH: Okay, for those of you who are not American, there's that New Year's Rockin' Eve. It's now with Ryan Seacrest. He used to be with another guy, but then he died. And it's like this whole thing on New Year's Eve. Can you…
KAYLA: I’m writing it down
SARAH: Keep it to yourself? And it's on New Year's Eve in New York City, and they have the whole ball drop and it's such a thing. And then there's this one woman who's always on the ground in Times Square. And I don't even remember her name. She's blonde. I don’t know
KAYLA: Who cares?
SARAH: And at midnight, she always just kisses a random man.
KAYLA: Usually a military person.
SARAH: Usually a military person. And I hate that.
KAYLA: If she had a better personality, it would be fine. I don't… I feel like I sound sexist now, but it's wild.
SARAH: I'm guessing... I mean, if someone really doesn't want her to do that, I would guess they would be like, no, stop. But… what if you're just in that situation where you're like, oh, she's kissing me. This is live on national television.
KAYLA: Well, I’m assuming they ask the person permission, but like are they going to be... it would be hard to say no.
SARAH: A lot of them are also drunk and they've been there since like 12 in the afternoon.
KAYLA: Earlier.
SARAH: You have to get to Times Square so early.
KAYLA: You have to wear a diaper because you can't leave and go to the bathroom.
SARAH: You do because you can't leave.
KAYLA: It's wild. My other one that I thought of...
SARAH: I just spilled half on my computer.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: No! Shh! Keep recording, keep recording!
KAYLA: I want to leave. I wanted to leave all of this in.
SARAH: Well, I immediately had to stop recording.
KAYLA: This is good.
SARAH: Y'all, this is a new computer.
KAYLA: Oh, tea. Do you have a Apple Care on this?
SARAH: I do, I do.
KAYLA: Well then, you're fine. Calm down.
SARAH: Also, it's not tea. It's Cherry Coke.
KAYLA: Okay, well either way you're fine. You have Apple Care.
SARAH: Oh no.
KAYLA: Today's episode is sponsored by Cherry Coke and Apple Care.
SARAH: Oh my god. That was terrifying.
KAYLA: That was very fun to listen to.
SARAH: Well, because I just started going, mmm, because I still had pop in my mouth.
KAYLA: Oh, I was wondering why you chose that noise.
SARAH: Yeah, I had pop in my mouth.
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: And I wanted to spit it out, and then I had to go get some paper towels. Alright, anyway. Hold on, let me shut my door.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I also ran away from the mic, so they might just be able to hear me going, mmm, at a distance.
KAYLA: Did you have your phone on you?
SARAH: I have Bluetooth headphones.
KAYLA: I was going to say, I feel like I could hear you for the whole time.
SARAH: Yeah, I have Bluetooth headphones.
KAYLA: You have ran very fast. Did you run all the way downstairs?
SARAH: No, there was actually paper towels in my bathroom.
KAYLA: Oh, I was going to say, there's no way you made it all the way to the kitchen with that.
SARAH: Yeah, because I had been using them for something else, and I had them still in the bathroom.
KAYLA: Oh, good job.
SARAH: Thank you.
KAYLA: Okay, my next one is, when they make celebrities have fake relationships, and this is mainly my beef with Shawn Mendes and Camila Cabello.
SARAH: Cabello.
KAYLA: I know that's not how you say it, but one time my friend asked Amazon Echo to say the names of Fifth Harmony, and it was like, Camila Cabello. But their relationship is definitely just very fake. And the song, Senorita, gets stuck in my head every time it comes up, because we talk about Shawn Mendes and Camila every day at work for some reason.
SARAH: Ah!
KAYLA: And... yes?
SARAH: Sorry, I found a little bit more liquid around my thing where you put your fingerprint.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And right next to that...
KAYLA: Ooh, did you get that one?
SARAH: I did.
KAYLA: I also have that computer.
SARAH: And right next to that is the play button. And it just... I keep accidentally hitting it.
KAYLA: What if it had been Senorita? That would be wild.
SARAH: It is a random song from Bring It On the musical.
KAYLA: Oh, good. Anyway, that song also doesn't make sense, because she's like, I love it when you call me Senorita, and Senorita just means ma'am. Can you imagine being like, I love it when you call me ma'am.
SARAH: Hey ma'am.
KAYLA: I... Camilla, are you okay?
SARAH: Doesn't Senorita also just mean like, young woman?
KAYLA: I love it when you call me young woman. Do you have... would… your name maybe? Would be good. Camilla? Anyway, the relationship is just definitely fake, and I know that fake relationship to real relationship is one of my favorite tropes, but like, you shouldn't be messing with real people like that, and you know it's just their publicist. I'm pretty sure they did this with Demi Lovato and one of the Jonas Brothers when they were younger, and like, that can't have helped any of that.
SARAH: It's one thing if it's like a fanfiction situation where you're faking a relationship because of some reason, like to fuck with your friends, or…
KAYLA: That’s very fun
SARAH: Because you need to bring a date to something, and...
KAYLA: Also fun.
SARAH: You know, that sort of thing. Or to fuck with your family. But...
KAYLA: Fun.
SARAH: If you are doing it as a PR stunt to try and make more money, I'm not into that.
KAYLA: Not fun.
SARAH: And I like Shawn Mendes, so I'm like, why?
KAYLA: I know, and also like, what a terrible song, he can do so much better.
SARAH: Camila Cabello, I've kind of been indifferent on, but...
KAYLA: It's really the song I have the problem with. Yeah, I don't really care, but I hate them as a couple, because they're not. And they have that one video that she's just licking the inside of the roof of his mouth. And it's... That's my pet peeve about allos, is when they lick the roof of the other one's mouth on Instagram.
SARAH: Kayla also hates when you can see a tongue.
KAYLA: I hate when you're watching a movie and they do an up-close kiss, and you can see the tongue going out, and then back in, but to the other mouth.
SARAH: She just screams every time.
KAYLA: It's... How do you not? It's foul.
SARAH: I just go, oh, there's a tongue.
KAYLA: Like, you can kiss on my TV, that's fine, but if it's going to be with tongue, it had best be a wide-angled shot. Far away from me and my eyes.
SARAH: Oh, incredible.
KAYLA: I hate it. Sarah, if you ever make a movie or TV and there is a tongue kiss and I can see that tongue...
SARAH: I will put so much tongue in it. Just for you.
KAYLA: Well, fine, because then you have to direct it and look at it. So, your funeral, but you have to look at it more than I do.
SARAH: Yeah, as we've discovered, I'm very uncomfortable directing people doing sex scenes/just kissing each other. So that's not really my cup of tea.
KAYLA: Yeah, so go ahead. Do it.
SARAH: I won't be the one directing. I'll just be like, hey, director. My friend Kayla hates it when she sees a tongue.
KAYLA: I don't like this. We're not friends anymore.
SARAH: Well, we still got like 10 minutes of this podcast to do.
KAYLA: And then a whole other one.
SARAH: And then a whole other podcast.
KAYLA: It's okay. We can be like, I don't know, dramatic business partners who have a falling out, but we still have to work together. And people are like, are they friends in real life? And it's like for the camera, like, oh my God, yeah, we're like best friends, but we're not.
SARAH: We actually hate each other in real life?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: In case anyone is wondering if we're actually friends, we're not.
SARAH: We fucking hate each other.
KAYLA: Yeah. We're friends with Sarah for her mom, so.
SARAH: Wow. Just using me for Julie is okay.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: All right then. Let's each do one more peeve of pet.
KAYLA: Oh shit. Okay, hold on. Do you have one?
SARAH: No, I can only think of how…
KAYLA: Then why would you say that?
SARAH: I can only think of how the word for pet in French is animal de compagnie.
KAYLA: I had one, but then I…
SARAH: And that's such a long word for pet.
KAYLA: I had one, but then I realized I don't hate it. But only I don't hate it when I do it.
SARAH: Oh god. Classic Kayla move, what is it?
KAYLA: It was going to be like matching pajamas slash outfits, but then I realized that I had told my boyfriend that I wanted to get matching pajamas, mostly to bother him because it's his pet peeve, apparently.
SARAH: Oh boy. I mean, me and my cousins get matching pajamas for New Years. This year, we got pajama pants that are T-Rex's wearing Christmas sweaters…
KAYLA: Oh, that’s good
SARAH: But because they're T-Rex's, their arms are not long enough for the Christmas sweaters. They're just like flopping. They're great. Anyway, yeah, matching is a little much for me as a person.
KAYLA: I think I would only do it ironically though.
SARAH: Yeah. I think like coordinating your, like if you're taking pictures together, like coordinating our outfits so that they're like, they look nice together. Sure.
KAYLA: Oh, I have one.
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: Celebrating your like one month anniversary or your like two week whatever. No. Six months is allowed.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And then your years and that's it.
SARAH: That happened on Schitt's Creek with Patrick and David, but the reason it happened was because first of all, David had never had a relationship longer than like a month before.
KAYLA: Oh, good.
SARAH: And second of all, Patrick was doing it because he knew David hated it.
KAYLA: That's fine then.
SARAH: So he was, he got him like a four months cookie…
KAYLA: That’s good
SARAH: Because he knew he would hate it.
KAYLA: Well then that's fine, but people who don't do it unironically or for like, if there's not a really good reason.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah. Do I have to come up with one because you came up with two.
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: Let's see if I've got anything. Uh, uh, uh, uh. It just is sort of related. I just thought about people like for like gay couples asking like, so which one of you is like the woman? What the fuck?
KAYLA: That's not good. Can I say something that I like when I always do it?
SARAH: Sure.
KAYLA: It's when there's a gay couple and one of them proposes. Did I talk about this last time?
SARAH: I don't think so, but I think I know what you're talking about and I love it.
KAYLA: Maybe I talked about this at work. When a gay couple and then one of them proposes and then they're like, yes. And then they're like, I was also about to propose and then they pull out a ring. And it’s like oh my God
SARAH: I love that trope. Honestly, even if it's not a gay couple.
KAYLA: It's not even a trope. I've seen real live videos of it.
SARAH: Oh, I have too. But I love it so much.
KAYLA: It’s very good
SARAH: Like there was that recent one where there were like those two people like on the stairs.
KAYLA: Yes, I saw that is the one
SARAH: And the one person proposed and then the other person was like, hold on. They were like, what? And then they got out their ring and they were like, holy fuck.
KAYLA: There was also one at like a zoo, I think.
SARAH: Yeah, I've seen that one. I love that so much. I love it very, very much.
KAYLA: Very good.
SARAH: That's good. All right. I think that's a good place to end it.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: What's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Could a vampire shotgun a person's blood?
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I don't necessarily want... I'm struggling with the idea of doing one that's like, what's your pet peeve with allos? Because I don't know that I want…
SARAH: Don't want it to be combative.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah, I think we should just ask them if you could shotgun a person. Isn't giving blood kind of shotgunning a person? Via a needle?
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Okay. Well, there you have it.
KAYLA: Well, if I say what a kind of vampire shotgun a person won't they understand what I'm saying?
SARAH: Probably not without listening to the podcast.
KAYLA: Maybe I'll put a picture of someone shotgunning and be like, this, but blood sucking.
SARAH: Yeah, good. Okay. What's your beef and juice this week?
KAYLA: Ugh.
SARAH: Yeah, I don't have any either. Okay, my beef is depression.
KAYLA: Uh-huh.
SARAH: My juice is Cherry Coke when you don't spill it on your computer.
KAYLA: My beef is Christmas shopping because it is fun, but also I'm poor.
SARAH: I haven't done any yet.
KAYLA: Yeah, I just started today. And my juice is I had it and then it went away. It is... Um... Oh no. Oh no. When you, oh this wasn't it, but this is it now. When you make your cat a brand ambassador for cat companies because that's your hobby now is being your cat's manager.
SARAH: Oh, incredible.
KAYLA: Follow my cat on Instagram for my discount codes.
SARAH: I have another joos.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Marvelous Mrs. Maisel Season 3.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: It's good. Okay. Cool. Tell us about your beef, your juice, your pet peeves in a non-combative way.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: Um, and whether or not you think a vampire could shotgun a person on our Twitter at Sounds Fake Pod. We're also at Sounds Fake Pod everywhere. We have a Patreon, Patreon.com/SoundsFakePod. Kayla today came up with an idea of something we could do for Patreon, and I was like, oh god.
KAYLA: Should I share it?
SARAH: Sure.
KAYLA: So, I have several ideas for things that we can do when Sarah and I are together later this month.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Um, that we can like video and do whatever. My… it's Sarah swiping through Tinder.
SARAH: Now, would I make a Tinder for myself?
KAYLA: Well, I was thinking about that, and I was like, well, you could make one and then just make it, you could make it as not you as you want it
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Because you can link it to Facebook, we don't have to, so you could just make one that has a fake name and like no picture and, you know.
SARAH: That's fair. All right.
KAYLA: I just think it'd be funny to see you react to whatever is there.
SARAH: If we do that though, I'm trying to decide, I was like, where should we do this? Should we do it at my house where I could possibly get people that I know from high school?
KAYLA: Oh, interesting.
SARAH: Should we go to your house, get the Hartland folk?
KAYLA: What I will say about Hartland Tinder, it is dry and mostly men holding fish.
SARAH: I believe it.
KAYLA: We might get some of my high school people since it'll be over the Christmas time.
SARAH: That's true.
KAYLA: Yeah, or we could go to Ann Arbor and get no one because it'll be winter break.
SARAH: It'll be winter break and no one will be there. Cool, okay.
KAYLA: Anyway, become a patron because that will happen.
SARAH: Yep. Our $2 patrons are Keith McBlaine, Roxanne, AliceisinSpace, Anonymous, Mariah Walter, Jonathan, Christopher T Verdieri, Patrick Jackson, Andrew Yang, Ninny, Courtney Jones, Eric B, Amanda Juntenon, Maddie and Purple Haze. Our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Asthritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney, Peri Fiero, Dee, Megan Rowell, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, Tim, Ryan Lutcieti, Bookmarvel, Changelink MX, Derek and Karissa, and Simona who recently followed me on Instagram but I still don't know how to say her name.
KAYLA: Does she follow me? I'll be sad if not, Simona.
SARAH: Maybe I’m better, maybe I'm just fun. Our $10 patrons are Kevin and Tessa @DirtyUncleKevin and @Tessa_M_K…
KAYLA: I don't think she does.
SARAH: On Instagram?
KAYLA: Simona
SARAH: Ha ha ha ha.
KAYLA: I see you, Simona.
SARAH: Listen, I just have a great time.
KAYLA: It's fine, you don't have to. I'll just, will be sad about it. Just kidding, it's fine.
SARAH: Arcness who would like to promote the Trevor Project.
KAYLA: But you have to follow my cat, that I am angry about.
SARAH: That's true.
KAYLA: That's where the money comes from.
SARAH: I almost just said your cat's name as a patron.
KAYLA: Well, no she's not a patron.
SARAH: I can’t believe Billie Piper Lourde is a $10 patron.
KAYLA: Maybe one day she will be if I use her codes and I make them podcast ads.
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: And then maybe she will be.
SARAH: Oh my God. Benjamin Ybarra who would like to promote tabletop games. Anonymous who would like to promote Halloween. Sarah McCoy who would like to promote a podcast from a Planet Weird. And my aunt Jeannie would like to promote Christopher's Haven. Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White, Nathanieljwhitedesigns.com. My mom Julie who would like to promote free mom hugs. Sarah Jones who's @Eternalloli everywhere. And Dragonfly who would like to promote not being depressed.
KAYLA: Also, my cat's Instagram, @BilliePiperLourd. Not the God one, but with an O-U.
SARAH: With an O-U
KAYLA: And also, that Aunt Jeannie, Sarah's aunt, commented on my Instagram and said I didn't look like a candy corn for Thanksgiving. So, yeah.
SARAH: She also messaged me today and she was like, a lot of the Marvel superheroes are queer in the comics. Why don't they make them queer in the movies? And I was like, because Disney's afraid and they want money…
KAYLA: Jeannie.
SARAH: They're not going to do it until it's no longer financially risky to do so. Thank you for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]