Ep 9: Different Types of Attraction
SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA: And a straight girl (that’s me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: Different types of attraction.
BOTH: — Sounds fake, but okay.
*Intro music*
SARAH: Welcome back. This week, we are talking about something which I've wanted to talk about for a while because – Because.
KAYLA: You have some beef with it.
SARAH: I don't have beef with it. It's just I think people should understand it more.
KAYLA: Yeah, she wrote a lot of notes.
SARAH: I did write out way too many notes, and I just realized –
KAYLA: She's procrastinating and she's slacking.
SARAH: And I've just realized I didn't google something that I was supposed to google. So while I google the thing I was supposed to google, Kayla, we have some updates. What are they?
KAYLA: We do. So after last week's episode, we talked about online dating, and we got a lovely email to our email, which is soundsfakepod@gmail.com, from a listener who had a similar story to the one we talked about. So I thought I'd share because it was pretty neat. So we talked about these two people we saw online that met in a Twitch chat and now they're dating, and we were like, neat. So this person emailed in, and they said that back in 2015, they were watching this streamer on Twitch and they met this person and they started talking. So fast forward to now, what, three years later? And they’re long-distance dating, because this person lives in Michigan, and their, I think, girlfriend lives in –
SARAH: Not Michigan.
KAYLA: Canada, and so –
SARAH: Basically Michigan.
KAYLA: Yeah. So they've never met in real life and they –
SARAH: America's hat.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: Canada's America's hat/America's Canada's pants. Continue.
KAYLA: I hate you.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: So and he was saying that they've never really met, so maybe the level of trust is probably higher than it should be. But sometimes you just find someone that you like –
SARAH: I mean, I have met internet friends in real life and none of them killed me.
KAYLA: Yeah. And he said, what I found that was interesting, he says that the lack of physicality in the relationship doesn't really bother him or her. So I think that's really interesting –
SARAH: Yeah, it's cool.
KAYLA: That you can have that and it's like, whatever.
SARAH: I think it's dope.
KAYLA: Yeah. So hopefully they're meeting up soon so maybe we'll get an update. I don't know. But I thought that'd be a cool story to tell.
A less cool story to tell –
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: So just our luck, last week we talked about online dating and how I met my boyfriend of a year on Tinder. Well, yesterday, we broke up. So I know I was advocating for it pretty heavy yesterday or last week, but I don't know any more, so there's that update.
SARAH: It's fine. Relationships run their courses.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: We just thought it might be relevant to know.
KAYLA: So that if I start using the examples of an ex-boyfriend and you're like, who the fuck? It's that one.
SARAH: It's the one.
KAYLA: Things are going great. I'm only crying a little right now.
SARAH: Everything is fine.
KAYLA: Me and Sarah are going to get married.
SARAH: We're going to get married –
KAYLA: And get plants.
SARAH: And I can get a turtle and name it Steve.
KAYLA: Steve. Yep. So anyway, those are our updates, thought they were interesting and relevant. If you have any interesting or relevant stories, be sure to also email us.
SARAH: Yeah, email us.
KAYLA: Because this was very exciting to get this email.
SARAH: If they're cool and fun, we might talk about them, like we did with this one.
KAYLA: Or we'll just email you back and tell you you're cute.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Or we'll do both.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: Wow.
SARAH: All right. So this week, we're talking about different types of attraction.
KAYLA: A really loud truck just went by.
SARAH: Yeah. They probably can't hear it, and now it's weird that we just talked about a truck.
KAYLA: Just so you know, a truck went by.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: If you will.
SARAH: Just a truck. So as I understand, there are four different types of attraction that one can experience.
KAYLA: What are they?
SARAH: They are sexual attraction.
KAYLA: Sex.
SARAH: Yeah, so you want to fuck that person.
KAYLA: Hell yeah.
SARAH: Yes. Romantic attraction, like you want to –
KAYLA: I want to kiss you.
SARAH: Date that person. Then there's sensual attraction which –
KAYLA: I don't understand it.
SARAH: Yeah. I struggle a little bit more to wrap my head around this one. This is the one that I had to just google. According to UNC Chapel Hill on their page about asexuality, attraction, and romantic orientation, which is dope, that's a university.
KAYLA: (surprised) Oh.
SARAH: Yeah, it's fun.
KAYLA: University of North Carolina? I wasn't listening.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That's perfect.
SARAH: Okay, cool. But this says that sensual attraction is the desire to interact with others in a tactile, non-sexual way, such as through hugging or cuddling. So it's touchy, but not necessarily romantic, not necessarily you want to just stick your tongue in their mouth.
KAYLA: Oh, that is very interesting.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't know that I still completely understand.
SARAH: It's a little harder for me to differentiate, I think, because they overlap in certain ways –
KAYLA: They do.
SARAH: Certain types of attraction.
KAYLA: So does that mean that I'm sensually attracted to my friends, because I want to hug them?
SARAH: I mean, not necessarily. I think it's up to the person's discretion about what they think that that means for them. What are you laughing at? Kayla received a text.
KAYLA: It was a reply. We made a tweet just before we start recording.
SARAH: Oh, was it –
KAYLA: Yeah. Sarah's face on our banner on our SoundCloud gets cut off by our title. And so I was always thinking it's funny because it's like in Monsters, Inc. how Mike Wazowski's face always gets blocked out.
SARAH: Yeah. But he's always so excited.
KAYLA: But he's so excited. So we tweeted about it, and our one friend was – We said that, oh my God. I was on TV –
SARAH: I'm on TV.
KAYLA: Because that was the line from the movie. And our friend was like, oh my God, it's on TV? I'm like, no, you stupid –
SARAH: Nope. Sorry. So in case you didn't get that joke, he told me, said friend – We shouted him out last week because we talked about him.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It was Nathan.
KAYLA: Shout out again.
SARAH: And I saw him and he was like, oh, you shouted me out in your podcast. And I was like, we sure did. Nathan, we've done it again.
KAYLA: Anyway, that's –
SARAH: We were not on TV.
KAYLA: That’s digression.
SARAH: Anyway, sorry. That was a real –
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: Kayla! (laughs)
KAYLA: It was Aaron.
SARAH: Kayla, do not –
KAYLA: Let me read this text.
SARAH: What does the text say?
KAYLA: That he just looked at my Twitter, and that's probably –
SARAH: What? Kayla, we are professionals. We're recording a podcast.
KAYLA: Okay. That's fine. She's was just saying she (mumbles), because she saw me. (mumbles) so... Okay.
SARAH: Okay. I'll probably cut this out.
KAYLA: Yeah. Okay.
SARAH: All right. Back to what we were supposed to be talking about –
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: So that's sensual. Then you have aesthetic attraction, which is you're attracted to the way someone looks.
KAYLA: So is that – That confuses me. What do you mean by attraction, then? The word attraction, man, is getting confusing for me.
SARAH: I mean, it means you're able to appreciate the beauty, the aesthetics of that person. You might appreciate the beauty or aesthetics of one person more than another person. So you might be aesthetically attracted to one more than the other. Just because you're aesthetically attracted to someone, doesn't mean you are necessarily also sexual or romantic or sensually.
KAYLA: Okay. I just feel like the word attraction is so related to sexual and romantic, that it's kind of hard to disassociate with it, and see it as another thing.
SARAH: Well, and a lot of people experience all of those things together, and so they aren't able to differentiate or they don't understand the differentiation. But I, as a human who is aro-ace and therefore don't really experience sexual or romantic attraction, I'm also not a very touchy person, so –
KAYLA: Sarah recently has allowed me to start kissing her hand, and I just started doing it and she's letting it happen. And I realized it was the only form of physical touch she's accepted recently, and I actually started crying.
SARAH: She did.
KAYLA: I was so pleased.
SARAH: It's stupid. Yeah. But my lack of touchiness isn't really to do with my sexuality.
KAYLA: It's just kind of –
SARAH: It's just my personality. But I do experience aesthetic attraction as hell, so I have people as my phone background all the time. Guess who's my phone background right now?
KAYLA: Superfruit.
SARAH: Superfruit. And before that, it was Zoella. I had Daisy Ridley for a long time.
KAYLA: You do just have attractive people always as your phone background.
SARAH: Iain De Caestecker, my tiny son. It’s fine.
KAYLA: I talk about attractive people often.
SARAH: Jenna Coleman, my girl.
KAYLA: Which one?
SARAH: She plays Clara on Dr. Who.
KAYLA: She's cute.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: She's so cute.
SARAH: Anyway, but basically, so I experience that kind of attraction. People sometimes get confused by that, so they'll know I'm aro-ace, but then they'll say something about how attractive someone else is, and I'll be like, oh my God. I know, right? And then they're like –
KAYLA: Who?
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: Who is she?
SARAH: Who is she? I mean, I just experience only one of the four generally, I mean, in all of my experiences.
KAYLA: We have sexual attraction, and you know it.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: You know you like to cuddle with me.
SARAH: I don't.
KAYLA: I cuddled with you this morning.
SARAH: You jumped into my bed. I was sleeping (laughs).
KAYLA: I was lonely. She just woke up to me in her bed.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: I was lonely.
SARAH: And I kind of assumed it was after her class because –
KAYLA: Because that's when I usually wake you up.
SARAH: Yeah. But no, it was before.
KAYLA: I was just lonely.
SARAH: Okay. No, but when I think of attractive people, because it's aesthetic, it's just like, I would stare at you for hours, and therefore I'm going to set you as my phone background.
KAYLA: So I can stare at you for hours. Oh my God.
SARAH: And also just another thing that people seem to get confused by when I say, oh yeah, that person is attractive. It's like, I can recognize if people are attractive.
KAYLA: Yeah. I can see that that lamp is cute.
SARAH: Okay, but even with human beings –
KAYLA: But I'm saying, you don't have to be sexually attracted to something –
SARAH: True.
KAYLA: To say that's cute.
SARAH: Yeah. But I think this also ties in with when people are – They think acknowledging that a person of the same gender is gay or – Sorry (laughs).
(10:00)
KAYLA: (laughs) What?
SARAH: They think that acknowledging that a person of the same gender is attractive automatically makes them gay, even though it's not.
KAYLA: I feel like it happened more often with men, just because of a lot of certain stereotypes.
SARAH: Yeah. You'll be like, oh, does that look good on him? He's not sure, he wants advice. And the guy will be like, oh, I'm not gay. I don't know. It's like, no, you know.
KAYLA: You know what he looks like.
SARAH: Just tell them.
KAYLA: No homo.
SARAH: No homo. No romo.
KAYLA: Don’t talk about it.
SARAH: It’s funny.
KAYLA: Nope.
SARAH: So I can recognize if people are attractive.
KAYLA: You’re not blind.
SARAH: I find people attractive. It's not like all people are amorphous blobs to me.
KAYLA: It's just you.
SARAH: It's just me, I'm just a blob.
KAYLA: I’m a blob too.
SARAH: But yeah, I'm –
KAYLA: She's not blind, guys.
SARAH: I can see. And there are people who I find more attractive than others.
KAYLA: Me.
SARAH: Although –
KAYLA: Me.
SARAH: Interestingly enough – Stop talking (laughs). Interestingly enough, something I noticed a while ago, it was something that I noticed in hindsight once I realized I was ace or aro-ace or whatever, was that when I describe people's attractiveness, the word I use is always attractive. That is the word I use. And it's a lot more like –
KAYLA: I feel like I use that a lot, also.
SARAH: Yeah. But I also sometimes use the word cute. I used it earlier in this podcast.
KAYLA: See if you can find it.
SARAH: See if you can find it. I will sometimes use cute. Very rarely will I say hot, occasionally I'll say it. I'm very uncomfortable with the word sexy. To describe people.
KAYLA: I was just calling our one friend sexy earlier today.
SARAH: No, I mean, if I look at someone and I find them attractive, I would never call them sexy. It makes me uncomfortable.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, that makes sense because you would never see them in a sexual context. And really, calling someone sexy is kind of you saying that you could see them in a sexual context.
SARAH: Exactly.
KAYLA: And you're not going to do that.
SARAH: Right, so I never use that word. I feel like I use attractive just because it's detached from sexuality. It's just, it's not an objective statement.
KAYLA: Yeah. But it's also like, you could call anything attractive, just like you're calling a person attractive.
SARAH: Like wow, that curtain right there is a real attractive-looking curtain.
KAYLA: That's pretty yellow.
SARAH: It is pretty yellow. It's like that weird, mustard color that's kind of ugly.
KAYLA: Oh my God, we’re not doing this. It's like the color of my romper. So for sure –
SARAH: Yeah. It's ugly, but it’s cute –
KAYLA: (laughs)
SARAH: No, no. The color is ugly, but it's cute because it's a weird color.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: I feel that way about that color.
KAYLA: That's how I feel about you, except not the good part. Just the ugly part.
SARAH: Okay. Just I'm ugly. Yeah, cool.
KAYLA: Comment down below, do you ever just look at Sarah and go (clicks tongue) that sound.
SARAH: Same.
KAYLA: You look at her and just go (clicks tongue) –
SARAH: Amazing. I'm not sure if the mic picked that second one up.
KAYLA: Where's the mic?
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: That sound. That's how I look at Sarah and I go –
SARAH: All right, good. But yeah.
KAYLA: I hate myself.
SARAH: All right. Moving on. I feel like some people – The best way that I've found to describe it to people who don't understand what the difference is, is if you think about someone who's a lot older than you but who is still attractive. Listen, some people are into people who are 40 years older than them.
KAYLA: Can't relate.
SARAH: I think it's a little weird. You do you, but also –
KAYLA: Don't. Yeah.
SARAH: Sorry. Not meaning to shame, but I –
KAYLA: But she is. Yikes.
SARAH: Okay. Think of, example, Robert Downey Jr. He's a nice-looking guy. He's an attractive guy.
KAYLA: He's way more attractive now than he was when he was (pause) a drug addict.
SARAH: Yeah, he's looking great. He's also older than my parents.
KAYLA: Is he?
SARAH: I think so. By a year, not by a lot.
KAYLA: That's wild.
SARAH: But even if I were not aro-ace, I would not want to date that man or fuck that man because he's so much older than me. That doesn't mean –
KAYLA: You can't see –
SARAH: I can't find him attractive.
KAYLA: Here – Another old man.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Is Anderson Cooper attractive?
SARAH: I think so.
KAYLA: Because I don't see it, but a lot of gay friends I've talked to, they're like, yes.
SARAH: I think he's a nice-looking fella. He's well-dressed.
KAYLA: Yeah, but anyone can be well-dressed. A potato could be well-dressed.
SARAH: Oh my God, imagine a potato in a tuxedo.
KAYLA: Someone make an edit.
SARAH: You know how you can send potato parcels?
KAYLA: I've done it, yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. Instead of having them write something on it, just be like, please draw a tuxedo on it.
KAYLA: They totally would.
SARAH: Yeah, they totally would.
KAYLA: Oh, I'm screaming.
SARAH: Anyway.
KAYLA: We are getting so off-topic so often in this.
SARAH: Yep. I mean, story of my life, but –
KAYLA: Truth.
SARAH: Yeah, so you can still find RDJ attractive, even if you don't want to fuck him. And it's just that I have that isolated kind of attraction
KAYLA: It’s that for everyone
SARAH: For everyone.
KAYLA: No matter what their age is. But yeah, it's like how you can see a baby is attractive. But most of us aren't pedophiles, so you're not going to be like, mmm.
SARAH: Can't relate.
KAYLA: You actually hate babies, so never mind. Well, like a puppy. Puppies?
SARAH: Toddlers can be cute. I just don't like baby-babies
KAYLA: Okay. So a toddler is attractive, no one –
SARAH: I would call that cute, not attractive, though.
KAYLA: Ugh, whatever. I was just trying to be relevant.
SARAH: Mm-kay. Moving onto the next thing –
KAYLA: Good segue.
SARAH: Thank you. It's a thing that you once – You've talked to me many times about this before.
KAYLA: Because I just find it very interesting.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because one time, I don't even know why this came up, but you were like, if I wasn't asexual, I feel like I'd be 70% straight.
SARAH: Disclaimer, before we go any further, I know that's not how it works.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: If you are pan, you are bi, or you know someone who is pan or bi, never ask them this.
KAYLA: It's not –
SARAH: Never ask what percentage –
KAYLA: This is bad.
SARAH: Gay or straight they are. That's so shitty. That's not how it works.
KAYLA: No. The only reason we can do this is because me and Sarah have a mutual understanding of, this is not how you do it. Let's talk about it hypothetically. Don't, do not –
SARAH: This is hypothetical. This is for fun.
KAYLA: We're having fun.
SARAH: Right. Okay. So the reason I think I would be "70% straight" is in relation to my aesthetic attraction, but obviously, aesthetic attraction is not necessarily the same. So even if I weren't aro-ace, that doesn't mean my aesthetic attraction would transfer over in the same way. But assuming it did, this is the hypothetical. So I –
KAYLA: You.
SARAH: When I experience aesthetic attraction to people –
KAYLA: Do you just glow?
SARAH: Sure. I feel like I experience aesthetic attraction more to male humans than I do female humans. You can look at a girl and be like, oh yeah, she's cute. But it's different to be like, oh, she's cute.
KAYLA: Oh, she's... Who is she?
SARAH: It's a different feel, right?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so I feel like I experience more aesthetic attraction to male humans than to female humans, but I definitely experienced to female humans, because Jenna Coleman is my bae.
KAYLA: See, I call her cute.
SARAH: Oh, she's my girl.
KAYLA: Okay. All righty.
SARAH: So that's a thing.
KAYLA: Yeah, there it is.
SARAH: But if that did transfer to my romantic or sexual orientation, I don't know if I would feel comfortable enough using the label straight. But I also don't know if I would experience enough attraction to girls to be comfortable using a label that was not straight.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: You know what I mean?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So obviously, it's hard for me to tell just because I don't have that experience. So I kind of have a hard time wrapping my head around the identifiers.
KAYLA: Yeah, because it's like, you've never experienced sexual attraction. So how are you supposed to wrap your head around what it would be like to experience that, because you've never felt it.
SARAH: Yeah. Basically, that is it.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: But yeah, it's a weird thing. It's a for fun thing. Don't –
KAYLA: Don't.
SARAH: We're not trying to be problematic.
KAYLA: Don't endorse this. If you say this to someone and you're like, well, these people on this podcast – That's not how we promote it, bitch.
SARAH: That's not what we're here for.
KAYLA: Tell your friends, but not that.
SARAH: Basically yeah, aesthetic attraction is a thing. And I think people should know about it, because I think it makes things make a lot more sense.
KAYLA: And also, it'd be great, especially because of the whole hyper-masculine thing, if men could be comfortable – And a lot of men are, I'm not saying every man is hyper-masculine. But I feel like for a lot of people, they become uncomfortable because they feel like people around them are going to judge them or something. And so it would just be like – Because boys suffer from self-esteem issues too. But if we could all just be like, oh, we're all somewhat aesthetically attractive, then –
SARAH: Yeah. And even if –
KAYLA: So much nicer.
SARAH: Just because you find people someone aesthetically attractive, doesn't mean there aren't tiers of – And I'm not saying you should judge people by how they look.
KAYLA: Tell people they're ugly.
SARAH: Yeah. But in the same way, you may be more romantically attracted to one person than another, aesthetic attraction can work the same way. But I think if we talk more openly about all of the types of attraction in general, it will make it less of a stigma thing to call people –
KAYLA: Attractive.
SARAH: Attractive.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: What a time. What a time to be had. Oh my God, I read a post on the internet the other day –
KAYLA: How'd that make you feel? To read?
(20:00)
SARAH: I haven't even told you what it is. Anyway, I can read, I'm literate. But I saw a post where this person was saying that their brother – They thought their brother was gay for two years because he and one of his male companions were always very touchy and very cuddly, and he'd be over all the time. And then one day, her brother – I don't know the gender of this person. This person's brother came home with a girl and was like, this is my girlfriend. And they were like, hmm, we thought you were dating so and so. And he goes, no, I'm straight, we're just good friends. We just like to hang out and cuddle.
KAYLA: Aw.
SARAH: And it's like, why aren't –
KAYLA: That's so cute.
SARAH: Why is that not more socially acceptable?
KAYLA: Especially because everyone needs – Everyone that likes physical touch, for a lot of people, physical touch is so comforting. And it's a psychological thing. I was like, major – Don't do that. She is touching my knee.
SARAH: I just rested my pointer finger gently on her knee.
KAYLA: Recently, I've been caressing people's knee pits.
SARAH: It's called a crinkle.
KAYLA: We're not getting into this.
SARAH: That's the poll this week.
KAYLA: Oh no, it's not.
SARAH: Listen. My sister –
KAYLA: Oh my God, I can't.
SARAH: When we were children, my sister made up the word crinkle to describe –
KAYLA: The knee pit.
SARAH: It's not. It's a crinkle.
KAYLA: It is.
SARAH: I think crinkle is a superior word. Kayla always says knee pit.
KAYLA: Because it's a knee pit. Your sister literally made that up.
SARAH: And then she didn't know because she was 16 that she had made it up. She thought it was general knowledge.
KAYLA: You are both stupid.
SARAH: Listen. Anyway, very off topic. Do you have anything to add to our actual topic?
KAYLA: Yeah, you know what's weird that I think about sometimes? Family friends that I have that – And it’s especially with men just because, I guess since I'm straight, I more often pay attention to the aesthetics of men. Well, I'll have family friends or family members or people who I'm really close to that I've known for a really long time, and people will be like, oh, they're attractive. And I'll be like, are they? Because there comes a point when I know someone for so long, that I can't tell if they're attractive anymore.
SARAH: Really?
KAYLA: Because I feel like I put so much value on personality, just as a person. It's what I do, and so there's a certain point. I have a family friend that I've known literally since birth. He's three days older than me, and people would be like, oh yeah, he grew up. He's always been a cute kid, and I'm always like, is he? I can't tell anymore. I think he's an attractive person, but I've known him for so long that I couldn't tell you if he's attractive.
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: I can't tell. It's like how I'm really bad at rating things from a scale of 1-10. I can't rate anything, especially when people ask me to rate someone on a level of 1-10 on attractiveness, I can't do that for anyone. And I don't know what my problem is, people will be like, oh, what number would you give him? And I literally cannot.
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: There's something in me that's like, I am stunted. It's so bad.
SARAH: Oh no.
KAYLA: So yeah, it's like I know people so long that I can't see them.
SARAH: It's interesting that you mention that because I've had a couple of friends who, they have had what other friends view as really attractive cousins or siblings or that sort of thing. Then they're just like sure, okay. I guess they're attractive. I don't know.
KAYLA: Because you don't think about your family that way.
SARAH: Yeah. But for me, because I don't experience romantic or sexual attraction, I feel like it's easier, I'm more comfortable recognizing just the aesthetics of people, even if I'm related to them.
KAYLA: Because you're so far removed.
SARAH: I'm so far removed in general that sure, yeah. That cousin's an attractive person.
KAYLA: I can't – I get so averse to being romantically or sexually involved with someone because they're a family member, obviously, or I've known them for so long that I (pause) can’t.
SARAH: Right. But for me, I'm detached from that in the first place so I don't have as much problem with being like, yeah, they're attractive. Good job. Good job.
KAYLA: Congrats on that face.
SARAH: You grew that face yourself. I have a lot of the same genes as that face. Congratulations to me. I feel honored –
KAYLA: To be related to that face.
SARAH: To be related to that face.
KAYLA: Isn't it too bad that you got the wrong genes and you're ugly?
SARAH: I know. It's rough (laughs).
KAYLA: Yikes.
SARAH: Anyway, now that you are more aware of the different types of attraction, does that change the way you think about anything or is it just sort of –
KAYLA: I think that since you've come out and I've learned a lot about ace things and we talked about, what, episode seven, about sexual identity that I've kind of – Because romantic and sexual attraction were always very linked for me. And it was very hard at first for me to separate them, and see them as things that didn't occur just at the same time. And so I feel like I'm realizing more now that I don't – It fits more with the demi category where it doesn't seem like I have sexual attraction as much as other people do. I'll have friends that they'll see someone and be like, oh, I would totally sleep with that person. And I’m like, what? You don't even know them. I can't fathom such a thing.
And so I feel like now, the more I think about it and kind of learn about the ace umbrella and everything, and just different sexualities and attractions and everything, I can really see that it'll be romantic attraction first, and then kind of move to sexual attraction. But I never think that I'm – I don't know that I've ever been super sexually attracted to someone where it's like, I want to have sex all the time. I don't know. Sex just doesn't seem like the most important aspect of relationship to me. It's great. It's fun. I've done it.
SARAH: But now that you're familiar with the differentiation, you're able to separate them better.
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm able to separate them better and see which one is more important to me. Obviously, it depends on the relationship, but I feel like I could be in a relationship with an ace person, and be perfectly fine. Yeah. Sex is not that important to me, I feel, in relation to a lot of other aspects of relationships.
SARAH: Yes. Nice.
KAYLA: Tight.
SARAH: Go team. I feel like there was something else I was going to say.
KAYLA: What was it?
SARAH: Oh, someone the other day asked me what my type was.
KAYLA: Are we going to do this?
SARAH: No, I'm just going to say, you can have – Okay, because there are different types of attraction, right?
KAYLA: Yes. Yep.
SARAH: And they don't necessarily line up with each other. You can have a type, not that everyone has a "type" –
KAYLA: I don't. I can't fathom that either, having like, oh, I really like that hair color. I cannot fathom it. I don’t understand that either.
SARAH: Yeah. But some people just have patterns of looks –
KAYLA: I have personality types, and it's always the people that are very motivated and work a lot, and don't make time for me.
SARAH: Kayla, tell us how you really feel.
KAYLA: That's how I feel.
SARAH: Anyway, but if we're going to talk about types, which I don't think is the best way to think about it. But just to simplify it, if we're talking about "types", you can have different types for different –
KAYLA: Attraction.
SARAH: Types of attraction. So I wouldn't really say that I have a type with aesthetic attraction, although I have noticed, Latino guys, man.
KAYLA: Yeah. We were going through your Tumblr likes the other day, and there's a lot of Latinos.
SARAH: Oscar Isaac.
KAYLA: Yep. A beautiful man.
SARAH: I know. Diego Luna.
KAYLA: I don't know who that is.
SARAH: He played Cassian in Rogue One. I think it’s just Latino guys who were in Star Wars movies –
KAYLA: Yeah. I do think that's your type.
SARAH: That's it.
KAYLA: Latino guys that are in Star Wars is your type.
SARAH: There we are. But that's not at all – That does not exclude. There are plenty of other people who I find attractive of all racial and ethnic backgrounds. But basically, you can have different – Just because you may be romantically attracted to a certain whatever, doesn't mean that you can't be like, oh, that bitch cute.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's like how frat boys, especially here, are the worst. You know what I mean?
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Not to stereotype, but a lot of them just suck. But they're always very attractive. But you know the look because they all look the same. And you're like, that one's cute. But you know he's a fuckboy.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: That's all.
SARAH: All right. Good to know. But yeah, so, yeah. I think it's just – Why are you laughing at me?
KAYLA: But yeah.
SARAH: But yeah.
KAYLA: So yeah.
SARAH: Ever since I've started editing these, I've realized how often I say, but yeah.
KAYLA: But yeah.
SARAH: I just had to try very hard not to say it again. I'm thinking about it now. Oh no.
KAYLA: (laughs) Sarah never talks again.
SARAH: Anyway, I think it is a good thing to be familiar with the different types of attraction and to recognize that there are different types of attraction and not assume just because a person is straight or whatever, that they necessarily experienced all of those types of attractions in the same way. Obviously, as John Green has said –
KAYLA: Oh my God, why – Literally, there must be five of our episodes where, John Green –
(30:00)
SARAH: I liked the Vlogbrothers. They talk a lot on Vlogbrothers about imagining people complexly, and it's very easy to just imagine that person as like, they go into this box. And it is hard to not do that with everyone. It is hard to think of everyone as a complex human being.
KAYLA: Well, because it's hard to think about – You know you're a complex human being, but then there's like, it's hard to realize that literally everyone has their own lives and own thoughts. It's a large thought path.
SARAH: And I think that's part of the struggle that people have when meeting people with different sexualities and stuff is because they don't have the same experience as you because maybe their experience – If their romantic and sexual identities aren't the same, that's a more maybe complex descriptor of them or who they are. So people have trouble imagining them as they are rather than just, you are homoromantic homosexual, I'm going to put you in this box. When you connect people who are homoromantic bisexual, it's harder to put them in boxes. Now you know. You might've already known.
KAYLA: Now you know.
SARAH: If you don't know, that's great.
KAYLA: Even more.
SARAH: Yeah. If we mess anything up, again – I don't have a super good understanding of sensual attraction.
KAYLA: Yeah. If you have a good understanding of that, please email us and tweet us. Or any of these things, if you have a really good understanding of it, I'd love to learn.
SARAH: Or if you think we did a good job, please tell us because –
KAYLA: Yeah. I've noticed that there's a lot of new listeners recently, and I'd love to hear from you guys what you like or what you want to hear, or how you found us.
SARAH: Yeah. We've gotten one suggestion from a listener about a topic to talk about, which we're going to hit on at some point.
KAYLA: Yeah, which is awesome. So please interact with us. I'm lonely now, so I want new friends.
SARAH: Oh no.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Yeah. We definitely have a lot of new listeners who aren't just people we know in real life.
KAYLA: Which is very exciting.
SARAH: Yeah, it's great.
KAYLA: I'm very excited. I will have you know that I stalk the SoundCloud ten times a day, and I'm always like, listener, I don't know that person.
SARAH: Yeah, no. Speaking of, the reason that Kayla jumped into my bed this morning was to tell me that we have a new Patreon patron.
KAYLA: I was very excited.
SARAH: She was very excited.
KAYLA: I was like, this is a stranger.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: This is very exciting, and that was why I came in. Also, I was lonely.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: So I came and snuggled Sarah.
SARAH: That's all.
KAYLA: That’s just why. But then she woke up.
SARAH: Yep. I sure did. All right.
KAYLA: It was cute.
SARAH: All right. What's our poll?
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: Actually, this one. Okay, I thought of a poll idea that isn't funny, but it is a poll.
KAYLA: If it's about the knee pit, I will punch you off this bed. I mean, Sarah and I are in bed together.
SARAH: Yeah. We're sitting on my bed.
KAYLA: Sensual.
SARAH: It's –
KAYLA: (clicking tongue)
SARAH: No. Stop. Stop. It's a crinkle. But I think an interesting poll this week would be listing all four types of attraction and I guess this might be difficult, because some people may experience them all the same, but have them be like, which one do you find –
KAYLA: If you could only have one type of attraction –
SARAH: No, I don't think that's good. I think that's a little problematic because that's changing your sexuality.
KAYLA: (mumbles) Whatever.
SARAH: Anyway, but which one plays the biggest role, I guess, in your life or your relationships? And if it's not just one, give us a response and just tell us, I'd like to know.
KAYLA: I'd like to just talk to people.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Tweet me. Let me procrastinate and not pay attention during class time. Mm-hmm.
SARAH: Yeah. So this week's poll: the four types of attraction, sexual, romantic, sensual, aesthetic. Let us know which one you think impacts your life the most, I'm curious.
KAYLA: Or tell us which ones in conjunction, or none at all.
SARAH: Yeah. The problem with polls is I think you can only put four options. Maybe five. I don't know.
KAYLA: I'll look.
SARAH: We'll figure it out. Anyway, where will you find that poll? You will find that poll on Twitter, @soundsfakepod. You can also email us, soundsfakepod@gmail.com. As we mentioned earlier, if you want to email us stuff, we might talk about it, so –
KAYLA: We probably will.
SARAH: You'll be famous. The reason we didn't use the name of the person earlier is because they didn't give their name, although we know who it is.
KAYLA: It's someone we know. They wanted to be elusive and see if we could guess who it is.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: We did it. We figured it out.
SARAH: We figured it out.
KAYLA: We detected, we sleuthed.
SARAH: All right.
KAYLA: It was a very exciting fifteen minutes. I had fun.
SARAH: (laughs) Yeah. Where –
KAYLA: Where?
SARAH: Can they listen?
KAYLA: They can listen right now. We're at the [inaudible 00:34:57]. Right now.
SARAH: Right here. Right now.
KAYLA: I’m going to murder us one day.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: So yeah. Well, the main places we're on is Apple podcasts. We're on SoundCloud, that's our main one. You can find all our links to all our things on there.
SARAH: We have had people listening on all sorts of places recently that we didn't know we were on.
KAYLA: Yeah, so the main ones, Apple podcasts, SoundCloud, Stitcher Radio. Really, anywhere you can find podcasts, I feel like we are at this point. Not on Spotify. I think only when you're fancy, you can get on Spotify.
SARAH: Yeah, we're not fancy enough.
KAYLA: But any of those places, you can leave us a comment responding to the poll, if you're not on Twitter. Or just tell us what you think, or give it a like and give it a five-star review, that'd be cute.
SARAH: If you listened to us somewhere other than the places we mentioned, let us know so that we can let the rest of the world know, because it might be easier for them to listen there. Who knows? Patreon.
KAYLA: Woo!
SARAH: We now have five, three – (laughs)
KAYLA: Three.
SARAH: Patrons. I said five because two of them are giving $5. Kayla, tell us more.
KAYLA: So we're very excited. We have a new patron. Her name is Jennifer Smart, and she is in our $5 group, so –
SARAH: She is. [We’re] giving her a shout out, but the problem is that we were not able to contact her fast enough to find out what she wanted shouted out. So we're going to shout out how smart she is, because her last name is Smart.
KAYLA: Sarah thinks she's funny.
SARAH: I'm hilarious. Our other $5 Patreon is our girl, Asritha. Asritha is still advertising her singleness. If you want to see her face, see her single, single face –
KAYLA: And slide into those DMs.
SARAH: Instagram @asritha_v.
KAYLA: Hit that bitch up.
SARAH: Hit it up. Hit her up.
SARAH: In our $10 group, we have Emma. Emma – Why am I doing this? This is your job.
KAYLA: You got it. You're doing great. I’m just relaxing.
SARAH: Emma is – Once again, her YouTube is not up and running, so we are advertising other things.
KAYLA: Her general existence.
SARAH: I personally have decided we're going to advertise her love of lipstick because she has so many lipsticks.
KAYLA: Although, we shouldn't be endorsing it because she needs to stop. And so now –
SARAH: True.
KAYLA: We're just giving her –
SARAH: She owns a lot of lipstick.
KAYLA: We need to have an intervention really, damn. And right now, we're telling her it's okay.
SARAH: Alright.
KAYLA: Maybe go to her Twitter, Instagram, and tell her, get help.
SARAH: Oh, no. That's a little weird.
KAYLA: But tell her we sent you, then it won't be as weird.
SARAH: Yeah. Then it won't be as weird. Her Twitter and Instagram are @emmatfink.
KAYLA: Go check her out.
SARAH: Stellar. Thanks for listening.
KAYLA: Woo.
SARAH: Yay. And tune in next Sunday, for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.