Ep 246: Taking Up Space as an Aspec
(00:00)
SARAH: Hey, what's up, hello, welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, I'm Sarah, that's me.
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, taking up space.
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds Fake But Okay.
(theme music plays)
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
(pause)
KAYLA: We're back. That was my millennial pause.
SARAH: Oh my god. Yeah.
KAYLA: I told Sarah I wanted to start introducing more millennial pauses into the show.
SARAH: I'll leave that in, but everything else I'll take out.
KAYLA: That's fair. Do you want to hear a funny story?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Okay. I was reading through the transcript of, I think, episode 71 today. I was going through and making sure everything was right before I posted it. And it was an episode about passing us straight. And it was really funny because the whole time I was like, I mean, I don't know what, I can't really speak to this because I am straight.
SARAH: You were so straight passing, you even fooled yourself.
KAYLA: I even fooled my, oh my god, I did. So funny.
SARAH: Oh, silly, silly.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I don't think we have any housekeeping. Well, we do have housekeeping. More people received our book.
KAYLA: Excluding.
SARAH: Excluding Kayla.
KAYLA: Myself
SARAH: My boss received, I have already signed some books.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fine. I actually don't, you know what's funny is I actually don't even want it anymore. I actually will be mad if they come. I don't want them.
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: They're 100% going to come when you're in Michigan. You won't even be there.
KAYLA: Yeah, that'll probably happen.
SARAH: Alright. Well, if you want our book, you can order it and maybe you'll get it early.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, where did your boss order it from?
SARAH: Amazon. Boo. Hiss.
KAYLA: Wow. Okay. So it's coming early from all places.
SARAH: It doesn't matter. Where were you pre-ordered from Yeah.
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: They're just receiving them and they're saying, yeah, I'll send this out right now.
KAYLA: Sure. Why not?
SARAH: Except Barnes and Noble. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, we're talking about taking up space as an Aspec person. Space.
SARAH: Sp-ace
KAYLA: A-Spec person. Yeah. Because I had therapy today. Huzzah for me.
(snapping sounds)
KAYLA: And thank you. And Sarah was tiny clapping for me.
SARAH: Snapping. It's called snapping.
KAYLA: It looked like you were just doing this. Just a little.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And my therapist was talking to me about how I need to be more comfortable taking up space in general and allowing myself to do things to take care of me, even if they seem silly or it feels like it's going to burden other people around me. And obviously very good advice. But also it made me think about the way a lot of aspec people talk about themselves and their identities and really queer people in general. And kind of what I've noticed about aspec people not wanting to take up space. So I thought it would be a good thing to talk about.
SARAH: I agree. Because it meant I didn't have to come up with a topic this week. And I also think it's a good topic.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So where do you want to start?
KAYLA: I guess I'll give an example of myself first. So I was trying to think of times that I, like with my aspec, because I obviously could talk about a lot of places in my life that I've not wanted to take up space. I think especially as a woman.
SARAH: As a woman
KAYLA: That's something that we're taught to do is to physically make ourselves small to not be imposing.
SARAH: No manspreading. No physical or metaphorical manspreading.
KAYLA: Yeah. But also mentally just not burden others. But I was trying to think of aspec things, and something actually happened today that I don't know if I do this so much as like to not take up space or out of like fear of potential aphobia. But anytime the podcast comes up, especially like at work, it depends on who I'm talking to. But a lot of times when the podcast comes up, people ask like what it's about. And I usually just default to saying it's about sexuality and relationships rather than saying it's about asexuality and aromanticism.
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: I think part of that is just like you never know what people's reaction is going to be to that.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And it was like in a work setting. And like it's not something I talk about a lot anyway, because like people are like
(05:00)
KAYLA: my coworkers will always be like, oh, talk about your book and your podcast more. Like hype yourself up. And I'm like, no, it's embarrassing to talk about myself.
SARAH: I am a woman from the Midwest. What do you want from me?
KAYLA: Yeah. I can't be bragging. But yeah, I don't know, because like the person who was asking me today, I don't think would have been like, like I think they would have taken it fine.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: But I was like, oh, I don't want to like make this even more of a conversation to like have to explain what it is or like make things more complicated. Like it's just easier to just be like, oh, it's about sexuality and relationships. I feel like that's something I do like often.
SARAH: Interesting. I don't do that. But I think that is in large part because I don't want people to, because I don't do relationships
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: and that sort of thing. And I know that if I say that they will assume that I do. And I don't want them to assume that.
KAYLA: That’s fair
SARAH: as much as it is annoying sometimes. What I usually say when people ask me what my podcast is about, I say we talk about relationships and sexuality from the perspective of asexuality, is what I say.
KAYLA: Yeah, which is a much better answer than mine.
SARAH: You know, it implies that I'm ace or aspec. But yeah, it's it also does distance me from it to a certain extent.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true.
SARAH: I'm very bad at bragging about myself and I don't like to bring up my podcast and the book. And, you know, I think a lot of it really is trying to figure out the line between what's me not trying to take up space versus what's me not wanting to put myself in a situation that could be aphobic or that could just be uncomfortable.
KAYLA: Yeah, and I think that is like a difficult line to walk because I don't think, well, actually, I know that we are not trying to say in this episode that you should just be like putting yourself out there on blast because it's not always safe.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Like it is not always the right situation to be doing that.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: What I mean more is that like with people you feel safe with, like I feel like we've had so many people write in about, you know, like I've tried to explain my like asexuality or aromanticism to my friends, but they like aren't quite getting it. But I feel bad that I have to keep correcting them. Like I feel like I'm being a burden to them or people feeling like they, like a burden for asking people to use the right pronouns because they have to keep asking them. And it feels like it's like mentally taxing for the other person.
SARAH: I think what it really is, is it's not so much taking up space in the world that we need to improve at. It's taking up space in queer communities.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And like standing up for ourselves as a part of queer communities. Because if we do that and if we become a more broadly accepted, you know, ubiquitous part of queer communities, then the broader queer community will help us to take up space in the rest of the world.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: You know? And it's a partnership, and like I don't want to put it on queer communities to like educate others, but also like we're a part of this too.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: And you know, you don't have to be an expert, but we're a part of this too and you need to make space in the parachute circle for us.
KAYLA: Not the parachute circle.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah. And I feel like so much of it comes down to really small things too. Like it's not even these, it has to be these huge actions of like taking grand stand of like, these people are in the community, I'm going to make like a big speech about it or anything. I feel like so much of it comes down to very small just daily interactions that someone may say something that's kind of like amatanormative or just kind of like talk about things that make you uncomfortable, and you might be tempted just to like let it slide because it's easier to do that. And obviously if it's unsafe to correct someone, then don't do it. But if it is a safe environment, like you're with your friends or something and you just choose not to because you don't want to like seem annoying or something?
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: I feel like it's starting with those very small actions of taking up space, especially within the queer community of just advocating for yourself and others in very small ways that kind of like starts the chain of like getting used to doing that, you know?
SARAH: Yeah. And that's ultimately what taking up space means.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because it's not, you know, putting on a big giant clown suit and making everyone look at you. Like that's not the point of it. The point is to take up the space
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SARAH: you deserve as a human being who is aspec. You know, the point is to not try and make yourself small in these spaces if you're even in them at all. Especially if you are, if you have been socialized as a woman. You have definitely, and it also differs culture to culture, but I think there's definitely something to learn from like all of the straight white cis men of the world who just like take up so much space and for what?
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: They take up that space because they can. And it's like you don't want to abuse that power, right? But it's for like spreading the… aspec gospel, if you will. Like that is a good cause.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so speaking up on it and advocating and not even becoming like a activist, but just like mentioning it every once in a while or, you know, correcting someone every once in a while is like, it can be a huge step forward in actually advocating for the community and taking up space again in our little parachute circle
KAYLA: Yeah, and it doesn't even have to be like, you don't even have to think of it for the purpose of activism, I feel like.
SARAH: No
KAYLA: You can think of it as just something you're doing for yourself personally. Like this is, you're just demanding the respect from people around you that hopefully you are giving to them.
SARAH: Yeah, like if someone calls you by the wrong name, correcting them is not activism.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And as someone who was called the wrong name by my professor for half a semester
KAYLA: Love. Great.
SARAH: and I never corrected him. Perhaps I should have, but I didn’t.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And you know what, someone eventually told him. But it was just confusing. I think I mentioned this before. He would take attendance at the beginning of class and he would call me Sarah. And then for the rest of the class, he would call me Charlotte. Very confusing.
KAYLA: Very confusing indeed.
SARAH: So I don't want to pretend like I don't understand why people will choose to not take up space and choose to not advocate. Again, I am a woman from the Midwest.
KAYLA: It's uncomfortable.
SARAH: And that is just my personality and the way I am.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And some people are more suited to it than others, but that doesn't mean that everyone can't do it in whatever big or small ways they can manage for themselves.
KAYLA: Yeah, because it is hard and I think it can be even harder doing it with people that are very close to you.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Having to correct a family member or a very close friend, you don't want to start a confrontation or anything. And you probably know that the person hopefully means well
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: but might just be a little misguided. It is awkward and it's hard. I know, I think it's also just easy to gaslight yourself into thinking that things like that don't matter.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: What I was talking to my therapist about this week was not sexuality related at all. It was actually about I got neuropsych tested last week, and I forgot to tell the person doing my interview a couple things and it was really bothering me. So my therapist was like, you should just email them and be like, here's the things I forgot. And I was like, yeah, I know it's really bugging me, but it seems stupid to email them. It's not that big of a deal. I don't want to waste their time or come off as super silly because I forgot to mention these little things and it's bugging me. And she told me, it sounds like you're gaslighting yourself because you're clearly very upset about this and it's been bothering you all weekend.
SARAH: And it will impact the results of…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I mean, it might not necessarily, but it could.
KAYLA: But she was like, this is clearly upsetting you. We've spent our entire session talking about your testing. And it would just take a minute of your time to email her and I'm sure she has this all the time where people forget stuff. You're getting ADHD tested. I'm sure people will be forgetting shit.
SARAH: (laughing) Yeah
KAYLA: But I think it's so easy to gaslight yourself about those kind of things. It reminds me of when we talked about micro-ace-gressions forever ago that those little things can kind of build up, but when you take them in isolation, it's like, yeah, it's not a big deal if someone...
SARAH: Yeah, I can let that roll off my back. It's fine.
KAYLA: Yeah, like, oh, my friend didn't understand asexuality this one time or they kind of made a weird comment, like, oh, it's just one thing. They're my friend. They didn't mean it, whatever.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: But if you start telling yourself that over and over again, it does build up and then you just get into the habit of not taking up that space and you just kind of just get smaller and smaller.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And it gets harder after a while.
SARAH: And I think you're right in that,
(15:00)
SARAH: it is so important with the people close to you because evangelizing to strangers is… One could argue that's activism. And I… Like, I myself am reticent to take on the title activist even though I have this entire podcast. And so, like, I understand not wanting to be an activist. Like, you want to just, you know, live your life, but within your family or your friends, and I think family is especially hard because, I mean, everyone knows you're stuck with your family for life and whether you continue to have a relationship with them or not, you're stuck with them, and so it can be really hard to advocate for yourself, to take up space. But if they're not quite understanding something or they brush it off, like, they think it's not that important, like, it is important for you to step in and be like, no, this matters. And here is why this matters. And, you know, that can be a little thing on your part, but also it feels really good when you do it. And then they, like… they listen.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: Or they try to listen. And then you're like, wow, I've done that. And then it empowers you to do it again.
KAYLA: Yeah. And thinking about your example of your professor getting your name wrong, it only gets harder if you keep letting things slide.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, if you had corrected him the second week, it would have been chill.
SARAH: It was halfway through the semester.
KAYLA: But when you get halfway through the semester, you can't say anything at that point.
SARAH: And he was like, why didn't you correct me? And I was like, I mean, I knew who you were talking to.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like, I know you were still counting me present in the class. Like, I don't know.
(laughter)
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But like, those are, it would have been so easy, quote unquote, to just be like, hey, you know, that's not my fucking name. But I didn't want to take up space, and then halfway into the semester, he was like, why the fuck did you not correct me?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And then it was a big thing. So if you want to avoid it being a big thing,
KAYLA: just do it early.
SARAH: Get in there early.
KAYLA: Get in there.
SARAH: Get in there. You know, also, I think it's important to take up space, specifically in the queer community, because the queer community is, you know who takes up a lot of space in the queer community?
KAYLA: White gay men.
SARAH: Yep. Cis white gay men.
KAYLA: I was just, okay, in what, in episode 70, I was also reading that transcript, and it was an episode we did on hot takes. And I went on this whole thing about how cis white gay men need to like chill out.
SARAH: Pipe the fuck down.
KAYLA: Yeah. I was like like they forget where they came from. They need to stop.
SARAH: It's true. And like, look, I know myself, a number of cis white gay men, and they're lovely people, but they are severely overrepresented in the community.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And advocating for yourself, and taking up space as an aspec person, as an autistic aspec person, as an aspec person of color, as a Muslim aspec person. Like, whatever identifiers you have, you know, taking up that space helps to make the community look more like it actually is.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And, you know, again, that also just empowers other people to be like, oh, yeah, wait, shit, I'm also a Muslim ace. Like, you know, like, it's a domino effect.
KAYLA: Yeah. I think that also brings up a good point about letting other people take up space as well.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, there's obviously a line there. You can't give so much space to other people that you are forgetting about yourself, but you also can't be so focused on yourself and take up so much space that you're not listening to or seeing the people around you.
SARAH: Exactly.
KAYLA: And I think that's kind of where things get hard in, like, the queer community and even just within the aspec community of, you know, it kind of becomes the oppression Olympics, and people are so focused on their own struggles and how hard they are that they forget to look at how hard other people have it and, you know, what intersections of their identities are coming together to make things, you know, more nuanced for them. So, I don't know. I guess just a reminder that, like, especially in the aspec community, giving space to, like you said, autistic aces, disabled aces, aspecs, I mean, aspecs of color, like, all of that, like, those people of marginalized identities are going to have an even harder time taking up space than Sarah or I, because as we said
(20:00)
KAYLA: oh, we're women, so it makes it harder to take up space, but if we were, you know, a black woman aspec, that's gonna make things even harder to feel comfortable taking up space.
SARAH: I'm white. You know how fucking easy that makes so much shit?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So...
KAYLA: Most things.
SARAH: Most shit. Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: That also reminds me of, like, the difference between, like, equality and equity, where it's, like, you know, one could argue, like, oh, well, if we want to allow black trans women to take up more space, like, we should all be able to take up more space, and it's like, no, you might have to take up a little bit less space
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: but at the end of the day, we are all going to have an equitable distribution of space
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: and that's just gonna make it that much better for all of us. And then we can have a little party in our space, in our parachute.
KAYLA: That's true, because there's only so much, I'm imagining it as, like, a big circle, and there's circles inside the circle.
SARAH: That's not what I'm imagining at all.
KAYLA: Okay. But then if every circle starts to get bigger, then there's not enough room for all of the circles, so the big ones have to get a little smaller, and the small ones have to get a little bigger.
SARAH: I mean, I'm imagining it like that, but more like a room with squares on the floor.
KAYLA: Okay, interesting.
SARAH: I'm imagining it like a clue board.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And the gay, white, cis gays are… They just have, like, a really big section.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: Like, they're… They have, like, an entire section of the club themselves.
KAYLA: They have the VIP section.
SARAH: They have the VIP section, and it's huge.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And they have a bouncer for their own section for some reason. Like, what?
KAYLA: So annoying.
SARAH: And then the aspecs have, like, a little booth that they've carved out for themselves. And, like...
KAYLA: And you can't even get a drink. It takes forever to get a drink from this booth.
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: It's sticky.
SARAH: It's sticky, and, you know, there are other groups. We've got the, you know, the black trans women. They're struggling out there, too. They've got, like, a little high-top table.
KAYLA: Mhm.
SARAH: And it's just, like… It's not...
KAYLA: Not comfortable.
SARAH: And if we take a little bit of the cis gay space and distribute it. We will all have more fun, because the cis white gays will have a more varied, diverse experience that is less fucking insular.
KAYLA: Mhm.
SARAH: And we will all have a better time.
KAYLA: Your analogy is a lot better than mine.
SARAH: Sorry. It's what I've learned. Sorry. Sorry.
KAYLA: That's tough.
SARAH: No. If we're gonna say segregated like that, you know what the white cis gays can't do?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: They can't take anything from, like, house or, like, any...
KAYLA: Oh, but they love that.
SARAH: But that's not theirs, Kayla.
KAYLA: No, I mean, listen, I know that. I don't know that they know that.
SARAH: But that's what I'm saying. Listen, I'm just saying, in this theoretical club… They can't have it anymore.
KAYLA: They can’t have Heartstopper Because it's about white gay men. Well, one's bi. It's about white queer men. But it was written by an aspec, so they can't have it anymore.
SARAH: Yeah, they can't vogue.
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: They can't death drop.
KAYLA: Nope.
SARAH: They can't do any of that shit.
KAYLA: Nope.
SARAH: And they'll look like fools because they’ll just be side stepping.
KAYLA: Ugh, terrible.
SARAH: Some of them might even be clapping off beat. Because they're white.
KAYLA: Damning. Damning. All they can listen to is the playlist songs that make white people go crazy.
SARAH: Sweet Caroline. Buh Buh
KAYLA: All they have in… It's a good playlist, though, unfortunately, is the thing.
SARAH: It's because we're white.
KAYLA: It does make me go crazy. Whoever made that knew what they were doing.
SARAH: Come on, Hailey. I saw some tweets recently about something on the internet, of white people, like white artists that black people have decided to claim. And one of them is Hailey Williams from Paramore.
KAYLA: Okay, nice.
SARAH: And I'm like, you know what? Yeah, it's a good choice. She's good.
KAYLA: I saw a picture of the people from Mythbusters. It's like Carrie and Jamie and
the other guy.
SARAH: The side group.
KAYLA: No, no, no. It was the main two guys plus Carrie.
SARAH: Oh plus okay
(25:00)
KAYLA: And they were like, oh my god, I love Paramore.
SARAH: Incredible.
KAYLA: And it does look like Paramore. Anyway.
SARAH: Astounding. Also, I think there should be like a quiet section of the club. Like a section where it's not so loud.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: There are like maybe little hammocks.
KAYLA: So a play place?
SARAH: (whispering) A sensory room.
KAYLA: Okay. Sounds good. I think they should turn the McDonald's playplaces into sensory areas for me. To drink my McDonald's Coke in.
SARAH: They get greasy pretty fast. It's been a while since I was at a McDonald's
at how to play place.
KAYLA: I was in one recently and it honestly surprised me. I forgot that that was a thing.
SARAH: Have you seen those TikToks of that guy who is like “me, A playground safety
Checker.” And he has like this doll of a child and he like chucks it against stuff. And then I saw someone react who like that's literally their actual job. And they were like yeah. He's got a point. KAYLA: See I have beef with those people because one time they sent me to the principal's office and it scarred me for life.
SARAH: Oh no. It was like one of those people who like their job is to go from playground to playground and like check that they're following the safety guidelines as enforced by the country of Australia.
KAYLA: That's a fun job.
SARAH: Yeah and someone was like is that like a full time thing? Like is that all you do? And they were like can I go?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I do that and then the related paperwork and that's my job.
KAYLA: That sounds really fun.
SARAH: Sounds kind of tedious.
KAYLA: I would like to go to there.
SARAH: Anyway in conclusion don't throw a child full force against a McDonald's play place.
KAYLA: I think that's a pretty good conclusion.
SARAH: And that's what we got from our podcast about taking up space.
KAYLA: Yeah. Sounds about right.
(iPhone alarm sounds)
SARAH: It's my timer. Hold on. Please entertain the children. I need to rotate them.
KAYLA: Should I pause?
SARAH: Nope. Just entertain the kids.
KAYLA: Okay. Sarah has gone to switch her laundry. She's doing laundry because she's going home this weekend because her sister is getting married. I too am going home this weekend because I am attending the wedding of Sarah's sister because Sarah's sister has been, no, Sarah has been given two plus ones.
SARAH: It has one minute left and that means it could be hours.
KAYLA: I was doing a really good job entertaining them.
SARAH: I'm so sorry.
KAYLA: You interrupted
SARAH: I even set my alarm for longer because I knew that it always takes longer than it says. KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: What were you telling them? I'll find out later.
KAYLA: Yeah it’s a surprise. I was talking shit.
SARAH: Do we have anything else we want to add?
KAYLA: I was trying to think of tips for how to take up space.
SARAH: Imagine yourself manspreading.
KAYLA: But mentally. But reasonably.
SARAH: Yeah. Don't be that real asshole. Keep your knees hip width apart. Don't go for the full butterfly stretch. You can do that on your own time. It is good to stretch your hips though. My hips are fucked.
KAYLA: Mine are really tight. So tight in fact that instead of getting normal period cramps now, I just get cramps in my hip flexors. Because they swell during my period and it hurts so bad. Take some time. Do some child's poses. Stretch your hips.
SARAH: Put your leg over your other leg. I know what I'm talking about. You probably don't.
KAYLA: I don't.
SARAH: This is a podcast. I can't show you.
KAYLA: Okay cool.
SARAH: Well I hope that you take up a little bit of space. And it can just be like one thing. It can be like this week I'm gonna do one thing. Just a little bit more space.
KAYLA: Yeah, a little practice
SARAH: Unless you habitually take up too much space. In which case pipe the fuck down.
KAYLA: Yeah relax.
SARAH: But if you're an aspec, at least in the aspec sense of things I'm guessing you maybe don't take up too much space. So, you know just balance yourself.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Alright Kayla what is our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Why aren't you sitting?
SARAH: My laundry's gonna be done in like another minute.
KAYLA: You're making me nervous. Sarah’s just like standing leaning over her desk. It's like you ever someone like comes into your house and they just like…
(30:00)
KAYLA: everyone's sitting on the couch but they're just standing there.
SARAH: I'm in your house.
KAYLA: You're making me uncomfortable.
SARAH: I'm in your house.
KAYLA: You will be.
SARAH: I'm in your house.
KAYLA: You're not. What if you just like pushed down the wall behind you and it was cardboard and you were in my house.
SARAH: I'm downstairs bitch.
KAYLA: I would piss myself. What did you ask, the poll? Poll. I don't know.
SARAH: Well you think about that and I'm gonna go check to see if my laundry's done.
KAYLA: I don't know. Anyway what I was saying before is that, before Sarah rudely interrupted me by coming back is that Sarah was given two plus ones to the wedding because usually she brings our old roommate Miranda to family functions because Miranda still lives back in Michigan and Miranda's very close to Sarah's family. Oh no she's coming back.
SARAH: It's not done. What's the poll?
KAYLA: Well I was busy finishing my story that you interrupted earlier by coming back.
SARAH: Well I'm gonna leave again so don't worry about it. I’ll be gone longer.
KAYLA: But wait I didn't think about the poll though because I was finishing my story. Okay the poll is.
SARAH: For the record guys, I know this is incredibly rude but here's the thing. I am leaving tomorrow morning.
KAYLA: They already know. Don't worry.
SARAH: I am leaving in about 12 hours. Oh you told them?
KAYLA: It's part of the story. It's part of the story.
SARAH: Okay fine I'm leaving in 12 hours and my clothes are clean.
KAYLA: Okay well I didn't tell them 12 hours.
SARAH: I'll be leaving in now about 12 hours.
KAYLA: Okay the poll is what can you do to take up more space as an aspec?
SARAH: Stretch your hips. It's good. Kayla what's your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: I'm busy writing.
SARAH: Oh my gosh.
KAYLA: You start.
SARAH: My beef. I wrote down a beef. What the fuck is it? Where's my phone? My beef is that oh I've been on the verge of sneezing all day but I've only actually sneezed once
KAYLA: I hate that
SARAH: and it's very upsetting because it just keeps happening. And you know how some of you try and force a sneeze but like it's never it's not as good. It's like a weird cough you know? Only a sneeze can sneeze.
KAYLA: So true.
SARAH: My juice is… my sister's wedding is this weekend. I mean I said that last week but now it's this weekend so.
KAYLA: Still true.
SARAH: By the time you listen to this they'll be married most likely unless you're a patron and you listen to it immediately after we post it.
KAYLA: Yeah true then they won't be married yet.
SARAH: And I'll get to see Kayla this weekend.
KAYLA: Mhm.
SARAH: Slay. Okay what's your beef and juice?
KAYLA: My beef is that my books still aren't here and also I had a headache. You know when sometimes you go to bed with a headache and you're like this will definitely be gone when I wake up and then you wake up and it's still there?
SARAH: Oh no
KAYLA: I had one of those this morning so I had to I like woke up and I took some medicine and I put my headache cap in the freezer and then I got ready and then I put my headache cap on and I went back to bed for an hour.
SARAH: Your headache cap?
KAYLA: Yeah they're like kind of like foamy and they go around your whole head
and there you put them in the fridge or the freezer so they're cold and you put them on your head when you have a headache it makes it feel better.
SARAH: Do you look so silly?
KAYLA: Yeah I – it does look silly.
SARAH: Do you have a picture?
KAYLA: No. Actually I have it.
SARAH: Oh my god. I'll give everyone a description. It looks like a baklava, no a balaclava. Which is the right one? I don't know. Is it a balaclava?
KAYLA: It's a balaclava.
SARAH: A balaclava is a dessert?
KAYLA: And then you put it on and it covers your whole head and there's space on top for your little hair.
SARAH: It's really just like it's like a reverse mask. It's like a baklava but not the dessert balaclava.
KAYLA: It's not a baklava.
SARAH: But it's like that but it covers your eyes and it doesn't cover your nose and mouth.
KAYLA: I'm sure you can just look it up. Just look up like
SARAH: I expected it to be thicker.
KAYLA: It is thick. It's thick.
SARAH: You know if you get a electronics in the mail and they come in that foam thing to keep them in the spot in the box?
KAYLA: Oh yeah no
SARAH: Those things that you wear I'm picturing a specific run BTS episode. It's not gonna help you at all.
KAYLA: Nope
SARAH: Should I try my laundry now?
KAYLA: If you want to. I haven't even done
(35:00)
KAYLA: my juice yet.
SARAH: Oh. Do your juice and then I'll do my laundry.
KAYLA: My ju- oh and then I can finish my story. My juice is Casey Musgraves. I don't know why no one told me about her. Like I know she's been around. Like I've heard of her, but no one told me like Kayla you should listen to her.
SARAH: Kayla wants to know why everyone didn't just immediately let her know.
KAYLA: I just feel like someone should have been like hey you might like this.
SARAH: I think you're taking up a lot of space right now.
KAYLA: Yeah I am. And you know what? My therapist would be proud of me.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Anyway it's really good music.
SARAH: I'm gonna go check my laundry. If it's not done I will walk into the sea so this will be the last you hear from me.
KAYLA: Damn that's tough.
SARAH: And Kayla you can finish your story BRB. Or not. If I die. Yeah I guess it doesn't matter.
KAYLA: It would be unfortunate if she died because then I mean they'd probably cancel the wedding. Anyway I tried to say it really fast but at the end. But so Miranda usually goes with Sarah to family functions. But I also wanted to go to the wedding. Because Miranda is
usually Sarah's wedding date. And so they let Sarah have two plus ones and I'm the second one. So I also get to go to the wedding. It's my first gay wedding. I've never been to a gay wedding so I'm excited about that. Sarah's been to more gay weddings than straight weddings. So this is normal for her. I'll get to see Sarah do like a Maid of Honor speech. That'll be fun. And she's walking the dog down the aisle. So that's pretty good. I also get to see Sarah twice in one month. And usually I get to see her like once a year probably. So pretty unprecedented stuff there. I really hope she doesn't walk into the sea because that would actually
make a lot of things in my life difficult? So I'd rather she didn't do that. I've never done a podcast by myself before. I don't quite understand how, it would have to be really scripted I think for someone to do a podcast by themselves. Because it's like who am I supposed to talk to? You know? Do people do – Is that even a thing? Is one person? No I listen to one person podcasts. But they can have a script. So it's not like they're talking. They're just reading a script really. It's non-fiction. Thinking of Criminal by Phoebe. It's not Phoebe Bridgers. That's a different Phoebe. Phoebe whatever. She's great. But they talk about crime and stuff. But it's not like she's talking like this. Like she has a script. So it's not like she has to think of what to say. She also does interviews I guess. There's a lot of interviewing. I guess you could do a one person podcast if you were interviewing people.
SARAH: Are you done?
KAYLA: Yeah. Well I finished my story really fast and then I just was doing some musing.
SARAH: Well when I first got there it wasn't done yet. So I stared at it angrily and that did the trick.
KAYLA: That's good. I can't wait for you to listen to all of this.
SARAH: My beef is that washing machines are liars.
KAYLA: They are. They're never right.
SARAH: Like why can't you at least remotely correctly guesstimate?
KAYLA: They should know.
SARAH: My washing machine I just have a lot of beef with. Okay you can tell us about your beef your washing machine. Or if you don't have a washing machine you can tell us about your local laundromat. You can tell us about your thoughts on the movie Everything Everywhere All At Once.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: Which is about a laundromat. Kind of. Have you seen it?
KAYLA: I haven't. I really need to.
SARAH: It’s very good. Okay. SoundsFakePod at all the places. We have a Patreon on Patreon.com/SoundsFakePod if you'd like to support us there. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Corinne, Daniel Walker, Doug Rice, Edward Hayes-Holgate
and Elizabeth Wheeler. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are
Nathan Lisch who I asked. Did he, did they answer? Finding out finding out live at a concert.
KAYLA: This isn't my job.
SARAH: I know. Nope Nathan hasn't answered. But Melody Dia messaged us. Hold on. It turns out there was a musical porn movie made back in 1976 called Alice in Wonderland, an X rated musical comedy. And it had a fully original soundtrack released on cassette that you can listen to on YouTube.
KAYLA: Wow.
SARAH: Thank you Melody Dia.
KAYLA: Thank you Melody. Oh I also had some people message about like taking art classes with nude models and their experience with that and that's been very interesting to read. SARAH: Interesting. Anyway Nathan Lisch. What do you want? Potater, Purple Hayes who would like to promote their friends podcast, The Host Club. Rosie Costello who would like to promote the TSA making size exceptions for Rosie. Because if they made a size exception for Rosie she could come to our Book launch in New York. But as it is she cannot. And Barefoot Backpacker who would like to promote their podcast Travel Tales from beyond the brochure. Our other $10 patrons are Arcnes, Alyson, Ari K, Benjamin Ybarra, Cass, CinnamonToastpunch, David Jay, David Nurse, Derek and Karissa, Elle Bitter, JB, My Aunt Jeannie, Maggie Capalbo, Martin Chiesl, Mattie, Song of Storm, The Steve, and Zirklteo. Our $15 patrons are Andrew Hillum who would like to promote The Invisible spectrum podcast, Click4Caroline who would like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell who would like to promote Twitch.tv/MelodyDia and also their wonderful knowledge about porn musicals.
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: Which they got from Googling. I don't – from my understanding they did not already have that knowledge.
KAYLA: Very impressive though.
SARAH: Yeah truly. Hector Murillo who would like to support – nope, promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person. John Young who would like to promote I’m hungry. Keziah Root who would like to promote people who come into your life just for a small time but right when you need them. Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla’s Aunt Nina who would
like to promote KateMaggartArt.com, Sara Jones who would like to promote eternalloli everywhere. Cause that's where Sarah is. Our $20 patrons are Sabrina Hauck who would like to promote Chrismtas and Dragonfly who would like to promote not getting… I'm not even going to say that because I'm going to knock on wood for thinking that.
KAYLA: Yeah I wish you would.
SARAH: Dragonfly who would like to promote me fucking eating food. Thanks for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: Until then take good care of your cows.
SARAH: Slay.
KAYLA: (laughing) Why won't it stop? Where's my mouse? Okay.
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