Ep 248: Sounds Fake But Okay Book Preview!
(00:00)
SARAH: Hey, what's up, hello, welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl. I'm Sarah, that's me.
KAYLA: And a bi-demi-sexual girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, Sounds Fake But Okay, the book.
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds Fake But Okay.
(intro music plays)
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod. It's the week. It's book time, ladies, gents, and those who are neither.
(screaming)
KAYLA: Or both.
SARAH: Or both, guys, gals, and non-binary pals.
KAYLA: If you're listening to this on the day it comes out, we are two days away from pub day.
SARAH: Two days from pub day and four days from event day.
KAYLA: I think it really started to hit me like this morning.
SARAH: Oh, it hasn't hit me at all.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: My boss literally started reading it. I still am just like, okay.
KAYLA: Ew. Gross. I still don't have my books, if you're curious. I really thought it was going to happen today because I was having a really good day and I got like really lucky at the mall, and then as I was walking home from the mall, I was approaching my door and I saw the mail truck driving away. And I said, today's the day. It wasn't.
SARAH: I should have just given you the book that we had when I was in Michigan, but they had just been like, oh, we're going to send you more. So I was like, oh, that's fine. She doesn't need it.
KAYLA: I thought it was going to be fine. It was, in fact. Not fine. There's someone out there that's just getting oodles of free books because I don't know where these boxes are being sent, but it's not to my home.
SARAH: Incredible. All right.
KAYLA: So. But it's okay because JKP uses all recyclable paper from sustainable trees. So I learned that today.
SARAH: Yes, she told me that like 10 minutes ago.
KAYLA: It's because it's on one of the pages of the books. It says that.
SARAH: But you don't have.
KAYLA: Yeah, I was looking at the digital file because.
SARAH: Because we're talking about the book. And then I was like, oh, where's the digital file? And Kayla was like, you have the actual file.
KAYLA: Yeah, I was like, you don't need it, motherfucker. Some of us only have digital files. Yeah, there's Sarah's sitting in front of me. Okay, that’s enough.
SARAH: You know, if my microphone wasn't broken right now, you would probably hear the flipping of the pages, but it is broken. So I'm not sure that you can hear it.
KAYLA: Yeah, I couldn't hear it. That's what you get.
SARAH: For having a broken mic?
KAYLA: See, I have working microphone, working microphone, no books. You have broken microphone, all books
SARAH: all books.
KAYLA: We would be too powerful if we had both.
SARAH: Alright. Well, let's talk about books. Okay, it's it's it's here. Yeah, I think what I would like to do that I have already told Kayla is I would like to give the people a little sneaky peeky. Of the introduction to the book by giving you a little readie dee dee. I'm sorry for that. I regret it. KAYLA: That's kind of sucked. Let's start. First published in Great Britain in twenty twenty three by Jessica Kinkley publishers, an imprint of Hodder and Stoughton LTD, a hatchet UK company.
SARAH: I don’t think that’s necessary
KAYLA: One copyright Sarah Costello and Kayla Casca. Twenty twenty three. The quote on page six has been reproduced with kind permission from the estate of Gloria Watkins Bell Hooks. There's a– that's a spoiler.
SARAH: That is a spoiler, but we won't tell you what it is.
KAYLA: No. All rights reserved. No part of this publication.
SARAH: Okay I think that’s enough.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH:. . I.S.B.N. nine seven eight one eight three nine nine seven zero zero one six.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Anyway, Okay. Yeah, we're going to skip. Printed and bound in the United States.
KAYLA: I didn't know that.
SARAH: Wait, so if it's printed and bound in the United States and it's not getting.
KAYLA: I don't want to speak on it. I don't. It'll just make me mad. But they were shipped via airmail, they told me.
SARAH: Were they printed, sent to the UK and then sent back? I don't remember what the return address was when I got mine.
KAYLA: What does it say inside your paper book? Does it say printed and bound in the United States?
SARAH: Yeah, that's what I just read.
KAYLA: Not on the back.
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: oh
SARAH: yeah, it's on the inside.
(05:00)
KAYLA: I thought I read that.
SARAH: No, I read that.
(laughter)
SARAH: Anyway, let's start reading the book.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Give us some credibility. We start with the dictionary, but we're not going to read that because that'd be silly.
KAYLA: Boring.
SARAH: Boring.
KAYLA: Pass.
SARAH: Pass. Shall we start with the prologue?
KAYLA: Let's just read the whole book.
SARAH: I think we should just start from that, like, read it reverse.
KAYLA: Perfect
SARAH: And I don't mean, like, read the chapters in reverse or read the sentences in reverse. I mean, like, each word. Yeah, perfect. So it would be Okay, but fake sounds. Actually, it would be else anything much pretty and sex relationships, love on perspective, aromantic and asexual and Okay, but fake sounds. Someone reverse that and see how see how robotic it sounds. Okay, prologue. Now I'm nervous.
KAYLA: Yeah, just wait? We have to do this live. We have to do this live and in concert next week.
SARAH: Yeah, wait, what are we doing? And this is not a question for the podcast. That's for the different meeting.
KAYLA: Totally, totally separate occasion.
SARAH: Okay, prologue. The aspec story is a love story. They all are in the end. There is this idea, this theory that many people have that those who identify anywhere on the a-spectrum, aromantic, asexual and any of the related labels are lacking something in their lives, lacking some strong, incontestable love that is innate to the human experience and therefore makes people not just wrong or unnatural, but something less than human. This idea, in addition to being a mere misconception, is also complete and utter bullshit. The idea that there is only one type of meaningful love is a ridiculous notion in and of itself. The idea that there is only one type of acceptable existence is even more so. But the experience of every aspec person is different and the way we all interact with our identities, whether aspec, otherwise queer or none of the above, is a deeply personal introspective process. As such, it is impossible for us to delve into the contents of this book without first introducing you to what we completely unbiasedly view as the greatest love story of all time. Our own.
KAYLA: Bum bum bum.
SARAH: And then we have a little Sarah anecdote.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: Should I look into your eyes as I read this?
KAYLA: Well, that would be hard.
SARAH: Yeah, because I'm reading it.
KAYLA: To read it. And look into my eyes. Yeah.You could try.
SARAH: I won't. No I’m busy
KAYLA: Maybe hold it up next to your computer. You could do one eye on the book, one eye on me.
SARAH: People can't see this anyway. It doesn't matter.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: It doesn't matter. There was one line when I was reading that that I was like, I could have read that better. And I was like, it doesn't fucking matter.
KAYLA: Okay. It doesn't.
SARAH: It really doesn't. This isn't the audio book. JKP, please let us have an audio book. Please. I won't –
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I met Kayla at the age of 17 when some random algorithm at the University of Michigan. Actually, no, I read that wrong. I'm so sorry. I met Kayla at the age of 17 when some random algorithm at University of Michigan housing.
KAYLA: There is no The. This is not Ohio State.
SARAH: No the. Placed us in the same dorm room at Alice Lloyd Hall. We were two perfect strangers destined to share a tiny living space as we first stepped into the liminal space between childhood and adulthood. And frankly, things got weird very quickly. Good weird, to be clear. By week two, people, assuming we were longtime friends who adopted a room together in college, were asking us how long we'd known each other only to be told that we'd met mere days prior. I have always found love at first sight to be an absurd concept, but it cannot be denied that our vibes aligned early on and we got into something of a groove. At the time, we both found ourselves stressing about the start of college and all that came with it. Difficult classes, making friends, living away from home for the first time. Our sexualities were not anywhere near front of mind. We didn't discuss love and sex in the way that many of our contemporaries did because we had bigger fish to fry. I'd always thought of myself as something of a late bloomer in this respect, so it didn't faze me. Then, a few months into freshman year, once I started to wonder if even the so-called late bloomers would have bloomed by now and started questioning my own sexuality here and there in the back of my mind, well, I surely didn't tell Kayla. Instead, I sat at my desk in our dorm room, adding various aspec-related web pages to a note on my phone vaguely titled A Resources. Page flip. Hyper aware that Kayla might come back from class at any minute, prepared to click away to another tab as soon as I heard her unlocking the door. Because these things, love things, sexuality things, weren't something we talked about. We mutually complained about our neighbor across the hall who regularly sexiled his poor roommate, sure, but that was the extent of it. And yet, Kayla was there as I stressed about my first kiss, a stage kiss, for a musical we were both in
(10:00)
SARAH: which meant I had plenty of time to panic before the dreaded kiss rehearsal. She didn't bat an eye when, afterwards, I determined it had been highly anti-climactic. Months later, Kayla would be the first one to know that I was aroace. It's not an honor that I bestowed upon her intentionally, I suppose, but I'm glad she lays claim to that achievement anyway. With all we've done together, both up to that point and in the interim since then, it's fitting that the title be hers. Slay.
KAYLA: Thank you. Slay. And then there's a little picture of our flag logo.
SARAH: Yeah, I didn't say that before.
KAYLA: That's how they do like the breaks in sections, this little flag.
SARAH: It’s got little flags on there
KAYLA: It's very cute. Yeah, shout out to my friend ZM, who did the design of our thing.
SARAH: Shout out to ZM!
KAYLA: Not the book, she did like the podcast art, whatever.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Then we have a Kayla anecdote. Do I have to read this?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I'm nervous now.
SARAH: I used it so much. Be brave.
KAYLA: I know, I'll do the rest of this chapter.
SARAH: Such a brave little girl.
KAYLA: Recently, one of my roommates called me God's bravest little soldier, and I think that's my new gender.
SARAH: Yesterday, yesterday, I had to hand wash a fork, and I was like, no, Sarah, we're going to do this because you're so brave.
KAYLA: You are God's bravest little soldier.
SARAH: God's bravest little soldier. Read your part.
KAYLA: Anyway, okay, a Kayla anecdote. Sarah and I did not come to terms with our identities at the same time. We didn't even start questioning at the same time. Saying that my sexuality wasn't front of mind during our freshman year is the understatement of a century. Until I found out that Sarah was aroace, I had never once questioned my own sexuality. From my position, it's hard not to believe in some sort of fate and some kind of higher power that makes sure you meet the right people at the right time. It is undeniable that if Sarah and I had not been randomly placed in room 4005 of Alice Lloyd Hall, fucking it up everywhere, we would not be writing this book, and we would not have created a podcast that has given me opportunities I never even dreamed of. But more importantly, and more relevant to this work itself, if I had never met Sarah, I doubt that I would have ever discovered my true identity. It was not until Sarah came out—I use this term lightly, as she did not so much come out as make a post on Tumblr that I happened to see—that I started to wonder if I might not be straight after all, if I could be on the asexual spectrum too. For a while I ignored this feeling, the questions that appeared in the back of my mind, the lurking thought that perhaps Sarah and I were even more similar than we had initially thought, though this seemed impossible. I was in a committed relationship. I was already having sex. If I was demisexual as I was starting to question, surely it wouldn't be relevant anyway. Sarah's account of me from that first year is very kind. Stop looking at me.
SARAH: I literally have not been looking at you.
KAYLA: You were. I saw you looking at me.
SARAH: Okay. I've been staring at my calendar because it shows my flight number for this weekend.
KAYLA: Okay. Anyway, Sarah—I'm so nervous. Sarah's account of me from that first year is very kind. It is true that we were both incredibly focused on school. We stayed up late into the night studying. We rarely partied. We got good grades. Even so, I was still interested in boys and dating. In the same dorm room that Sarah sat and researched asexuality, I made out with one of the guys from across the hall.
SARAH: Boo
KAYLA: Not at the same time, obviously, I respectfully waited for Sarah to be gone for the weekend. Let me read. While one musical rehearsal gave Sarah her first anxious kiss, other rehearsals found me unabashedly flirting with the actor who played my love interest. While in most ways Sarah and I are identical, in many key ways we are the opposite, I knew this to be true, so how could it also be true that I might share an identity with her? In the end, it was true. There are many ways to be aspec, I would learn, and quite a few of those ways include flirting, making out, and hooking up. And so around January of 2018, a year or two after Sarah came out, after several heartbreaks, a few failed attempts at dating, and some tearful conversations, all of which we'll delve into later, I officially started calling myself demisexual. Flag break.
SARAH: Slay. I did that. You're welcome.
KAYLA: (vaguely British) Yeah. Shall I read the rest?
SARAH: (continuing in a vaguely British accent) Do you want to? I was going to, but you seemed like you hated reading it.
KAYLA: (in a somewhat British accent) Up to you.
SARAH: I’ll just do it, because what if you read it wrong?
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: (laughing) I wrote this part, what if you read it wrong?
KAYLA: That's actually, you know what, I'll just see myself out.
SARAH: Okay, cool. I'm also sorry for that accent. It wasn't even –
(15:00)
SARAH: – good work.
KAYLA: I've been watching a lot of Bluey lately.
SARAH: Bluey is Australian.
KAYLA: Yeah, but it's just making me do lots of accents.
SARAH: Okay. Anyway.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: Flag. Over time, as we gradually became more comfortable with our own identities, we started openly discussing the questions that Sarah always had lurking in the back of her mind. Is making out really that great? How long is sex supposed to last? What the hell is the appeal of dick pics? We found the conversations that resulted to be amusing and hoped others would think the same. And because it was 2017, a point in time in which everyone and their mother were starting a podcast, so did we. We called it Sounds Fake But Okay, because let's be real, many of the things allosexuals and alloromantics talk about do sound profoundly fake. It's just that somehow over time, we forgot that the rituals behind dating and sex were constructs made up by human beings, and eventually they became hard and fast rules that society imposed on us all. The podcast was something we started for fun. We didn't have any grand plans for it and we were frankly shocked. I read that wrong. We didn't have any grand plans for it and were frankly shocked when we got the rare social media follow from someone we didn't personally know. It did not grow quickly by any stretch of the imagination, but we continued to do it because it was a fun thing to do together. And yet, with time, we started to gain a small but mighty audience. We began to receive the occasional email from a listener telling us that the podcast had helped them to come to terms with their asexuality and or aromanticism. That it had helped them not feel so alone. The emails, the tweets, and the DMs kept rolling in, and we realized that what we were doing might somehow matter. It seemed that however unintentionally, sounds fake but okay, had filled what turned out to be a cavernous podcasting gap in the Aspec community. We had found and embedded ourselves in a niche that we hadn't even realized was lacking. We started taking our role as Aspec podcasters more seriously. LOL. With this content we're giving you right now.
KAYLA: Nah
SARAH: Anyway, it wasn't just about us anymore. It was about the broader community who saw themselves in our podcast, who learned from us, who gained comfort from hearing our often chaotic babbling in their ears. You wrote that line. Do you want to read that?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Okay. And because the A-Spec community is smaller, younger, and more siloed than those of other queer identities, with an organized, identifiable community only really coming to fruition in the early 2000s with the advent of the Asexuality Visibility and Education Network, AVEN, our little podcast somehow became one of the bigger names in said community. We became activists of sorts, purely on accident. Somewhere along the way we became experts.
And now we found ourselves here. We should, of course, give the disclaimer that we don't have degrees in queer theory, we weren't trained by some benevolent god of asexuality, and this isn't even our day job. Yet. But diving into the discourse of the asexual umbrella and the A-Spec community at least once a week for years on end and observing your surroundings from an intentionally aspec perspective teaches you a thing or two about the world, how you fit in it, and how it might be changed for the better. As we've already mentioned, the experience of every aspec person is different. We are just two people with two very specific experiences, two experiences we should note that are inherently cisgender, white, and Western. Nevertheless, we will do our best here to speak to the experiences of many. While the majority of this work will come from our own knowledge, we did feel the need to bring in the voices of others who have more authority on subjects such as polyamory, Chapter 4, and gender identity, Chapter 7. We wanted to ensure that we had as much diversity among these voices as possible. So instead of just asking the people we knew, we developed a survey through which our listeners and the broader aspec community could share their personal experiences. You'll find their quotes throughout the book, and we hope you learn as much from their perspectives as we have. Though this is a book about asexuality, it will not be an Ace-101 textbook or historical outline, nor will it focus exclusively on sexual identity in the traditional sense. We of course have chapters focusing on romantic relationships and sex, chapters 4 and 5 respectively, but we want to discuss topics beyond just sexual activity or who you choose or don't choose to date. We will be applying the aspec worldview to topics such as friendship, Chapter 3, family, Chapter 6, housing, and more, Chapter 8. Throughout this book, we will lend you our own pair of aspec glasses, purple colored glasses if you will, inspired by the colors of the asexual flag, with the hope that after seeing what could be, you will be compelled to embrace the aspec perspective in your own life. It's a big undertaking, surely, but don't let that stop you. Every stumble, fumble, and baby step matters. Scan this QR code or click on the link below to access a bonus podcast episode at the making of this chapter.
KAYLA: So true!
SARAH: I won't read you the link, you have to get the book for that.
KAYLA: That's true, I was about to, and then I was like, that's exclusive information. Though, I mean
(20:00)
KAYLA: you could listen to the bonus episodes without reading the book, but it would not be worth your time at all.
SARAH: No. That's the prologue.
KAYLA: That is
SARAH: And I feel like, for the listeners of our podcast, there might have been a lot of information in there that you already know. But…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: in a shocking turn of events, we do hope that people who don't listen to the podcast read the book.
KAYLA: That would be nice, but yeah, they need to know who we are, and I guess that we're trustworthy. Sarah and I had a lot of, and we talk about this in the bonus episodes, we had a lot of struggles, because we were like, okay, we need people to trust us to read this book and not be like, who are these clowns?
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: But we were also like, we are the end all be all experts, we are only two perspectives.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So we need to be honest about that. So that's, I don't know, I still feel weird about that, but here we are.
SARAH: But here we are. And we also didn't want to make it seem like, oh, this is a memoir, because that is not what it is. We want to make it about us. So it was important that we had that last part being like, hey.
KAYLA: Yeah. I think, honestly, and especially the more separation I've had from the book
and looking back on it now, it really does reflect the content of the podcast pretty truly, I think. Almost every chapter has personal anecdotes from at least one of us. And if not, it's personal anecdotes from other people
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: from our survey. And then there are more obviously serious discussions about the topics that we listed in the prologue, which I think is really how we run the podcast in general. It's very personal. Yeah, it's all very personal. And then at least for the serious topics that we get into, there's then more information. So I think it is just a very true reflection of the kind of content that we've wanted to put out this whole time.
SARAH: Yeah, I did this on TikTok, but I don't think I did it on the pod. Give me a page number.
KAYLA: No, first we need to – listen.
SARAH: Give me a page number.
KAYLA: (laughing) Okay, 69. Nice.
SARAH: Do you want us talking or a quote?
KAYLA: Just pick the first word you see.
SARAH: Well, I wasn't going to read the whole thing. First word I see is experiences.
KAYLA: Perfect.
SARAH: Perfect.
KAYLA: I'm assuming if you've listened, like, I mean, this might be your first episode. Those of you who are regular listeners or followers know what the book is about, and you can probably get a pretty good idea from the prologue that we just read. But do we want to just give, like, a quick little pitch?
SARAH: An elevator pitch?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Elevator pitch me, Poppy.
KAYLA: Uh-oh. Okay, I have to do it.
SARAH: Yeah, you have to do it.
KAYLA: That sucks. Okay, well, the full title, which I don't think we've said, is, let me find it because I don't remember it. Well, you read it backwards, but here's it forwards. Sounds fake, but okay. An asexual and aromantic perspective on love, relationships, sex, and pretty much anything else, which is fun because that's the tagline of the podcast. I do that. So, I mean, that's pretty much what it is. The book centers around what we call the aspec lens, which is just basically kind of the aspec worldview or the aspec perspective or, like, ethos. And it's us applying that to a variety of different topics, which we said in the prologue. But the chapter rundown, in case you're curious, we talk about society, yourself, friendship, romance and partnerships, sex, family, gender, and miscellanea. And the things in miscellanea are housing, SARAH: media
KAYLA: kink, media.
SARAH: Is that it?
KAYLA: I think that's it.
SARAH: I think it's just those three.
KAYLA: Yeah. So it's basically us applying the aspec worldview to those topics while giving personal anecdotes from our lives as well as those from survey respondents and listeners, as we said, which is my favorite part of the book, to be honest, is all the quotes that we got, because there are so many really good ones.
SARAH: Yeah. The bowling analogy.
KAYLA: 10 out of 10.
SARAH: What does it mean that I told you today that I wanted to go bowling?
KAYLA: Bowling on the mind, I guess.
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: Who's to say?
SARAH: But it is a good time.
(25:00)
SARAH: It is not a super long read.
KAYLA: I think so. No, it's pretty quick, I think.
SARAH: It's a pretty quick read.
KAYLA: I think you could bang it out in definitely a day.
SARAH: Yeah, if you wanted to. My boss started reading it, and he, I think, got a little bit confused by the dictionary at the front on some of the terms. And so to anyone listening to this
KAYLA: Good. Good sign
SARAH: or more likely people you know who might read it, I would like to emphasize that it's not important that you have all of the terms memorized and fully comprehended before you start the book.
KAYLA: That's why we wrote them in the book, so you could go back.
SARAH: Exactly.
KAYLA: And look
SARAH: They're really there for your reference. And the reason they're at the beginning and not the end is so that you know what words going in, like what you not need to know, but what is helpful to know.
KAYLA: And if you're a regular listener, it's all stuff you probably know. It's just like going over like amatanormativity and allo and stuff like that. But we just wanted to make sure that everyone was on the same page going in, whether you are like embroiled in the community, very new, someone that's completely on the outside. We didn't want to go through and define all of those words in the actual text.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So we were like, the best way to do it is just do a dictionary, make sure everyone has the resources they need so we can actually get to what we want to do, because we weren't really interested in doing the 101.
SARAH: Exactly. And we wanted to make sure that everyone was on the same page, because sometimes there are slightly different understandings of words.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so even if you are an expert, I would recommend just giving it a little skim to make sure we're on the same page before you start.
KAYLA: Well, yeah, because we're operating under like these are our definitions, not to say that they are like the end-all-be-all definitions or these are the exact correct definitions. These are just how we define those words. And, you know, I feel like to make sense of the book, if you have one definition in mind and then you read it and you're like, that's weird. It's because we have a maybe slightly different definition, you know? You know how it works.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: Y'all get it.
SARAH: Y'all get it.
KAYLA: What do you think your favorite part of the book is, Sarah?
(pause)
KAYLA: Oh, she's really unhappy with that question.
SARAH: I don't know. Do you have a favorite part of the book? I really, in the end, like chapter two, which is yourself. That was the chapter I had the hardest time writing. It was really actually pretty awful to write. But in the end, I'm quite proud of it.
SARAH: That's nice. I'm happy for you. Good job.
KAYLA: Thank you. I also really like, Sarah, we get to tweet the out of context. Remember years ago how we put together like out of like Sounds Fake But Okay book out of context?
SARAH: Didn't we already tweet the images though? Or did we not?
KAYLA: I didn't think so.
SARAH: Well, even if we did, now we can re-tweet them and people can figure out what they mean.
KAYLA: Yeah. And we can put them on Instagram and stuff.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I, in chapter six, which is the family chapter, I have some very good references, I think. I have some really, I have a couple lines that I just think I'm really funny.
SARAH: There was one…
KAYLA: I think those are mostly in chapter six.
SARAH: One mention that Kayla was so proud of.
KAYLA: Well, there's one like pop culture reference that I'm really proud of. And then one line that I just think is really funny.
SARAH: Yeah. I think, I mean, I also kind of like chapter one, which is society, because it sets the groundwork for the whole book. And it's also like, it allowed me to get a lot of things out of my system, I feel like.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: Like just being like, this is bullshit. And I hate it.
KAYLA: I hate it. Yeah.
SARAH: And then also sometimes I just read bits and I'm like, oh my God, that's great. Cause I'm obsessed with myself. So.
KAYLA: Yeah. Sometimes I really go back and forth between being like very insecure about the book and being like, this is shit. Everyone's going to hate it.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: What a terrible thing we've done. And then other days I'm like, I am the smartest person alive. I am incredible. I'm so funny and intelligent. It really depends on the day.
SARAH: Slay!
KAYLA: Yeah. So once again, if you hate it, don't tell me.
SARAH: The first book that I signed was for one of my coworkers and the message I wrote on it was, if you hate it, don't tell me little smiley face. So.
(30:00)
KAYLA: Yeah. I told a friend recently not to even tell me when he was like, how can I like best support you during all this other than like buying the book? And I was like, honestly, like don't talk to me about it.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: He was like, how about I just never tell you when I read it. And I was like, perfect. Cause here's my thing. And I was telling my therapist this the other day and I don't know why it is. I am more weirded out about people I know in real life reading it than strangers.
SARAH: There's more at stake.
KAYLA: Podcast listeners, strangers. That's like fine. But yeah. Friends and family. I'm like, I don't want to hear, I don't want to hear it. Like please read it, but say nothing.
SARAH: Yeah. I haven't gone into it with my boss because he's out of town and he's like, you know, when we're both back, we will have to discuss.
KAYLA: Oh god
SARAH: But like he did seem to have like a genuinely positive reaction, which is exciting.
KAYLA: That's good. Cause he's like…
SARAH: a boomer?
KAYLA: Kind of like a hard ass. He is a boomer, but I feel like he seems like opinionated, you know?
SARAH: He is opinionated.
KAYLA: Yeah. I feel like your industry is a necessity, but like, is that why I'm not going further
in this industry?
SARAH: Cause I don't have an opinion on anything.
KAYLA: No comment. You really don't. No comment. Uh, yeah. But like, I don't, I just like, cause what if my friends think I'm stupid? You know?
SARAH: Yeah. Well, I don't think you're stupid. There's one. There's one. I think, I think you're a silly goose, but
KAYLA: yeah, that's obvious. Yeah. I can't do math. I learned that recently, but that you don't need to do math to write a book.
SARAH: Correct.
KAYLA: Clearly. So.
SARAH: Correct.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Also because we didn't do the indexing.
KAYLA: Nope.
SARAH: Shout out to having someone else do your indexing.
KAYLA: One day the index just appeared and I really still don't quite understand the point of
indexes or like how they work. But we've got one. I'll be honest with you. Like, I don't think I've ever used an index in my life, but it's there.
SARAH: There's there's an index thing that just says communication parentheses in kink. That's just in our index.
KAYLA: Yeah. I don't, I don't get, I have no, I'm looking at the index right now. I don't get it.
SARAH: You know what else is in, is in our index? Impressive dash Jaguar Reddit posts.
KAYLA: And we do talk about that
SARAH: and also quote right person narrative. Did you just read the part that I read?
KAYLA: This index is so funny actually. Huh?
SARAH: Quote should unquote parentheses burden of.
KAYLA: My favorite is Nikola parentheses college mate. This is the out of context
SARAH: Sarah's story. What does that mean?
KAYLA: There's a Kayla's story one too. This is funny. I love checklists or what is this index? I love indexes now. This makes no sense.
SARAH: (laughing) Virginity parentheses losing.
KAYLA: I literally don't understand how to read this. It's not their fault. This is probably as far as I'm concerned, a perfect index. I just have no idea how to read it.
SARAH: I don’t understand indexes. Oh god
KAYLA: This is crazy. How do you read this? Wow.
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: Well, what we've just learned is.
SARAH: Cat woman slash spinster stereotype. I love this.
KAYLA: Guilt. Just the word guilt. This is so funny. I love it.
SARAH: Oh man. Queer awakening.
KAYLA: Well anyway
SARAH: podcast and then as sub subcategories, beginnings of and then quote podcast Kayla unquote speaking on. Alright we need to stop.
KAYLA: sex under it asexuals do have. You tell them. Yes, they do. They do.
SARAH: Anyway, those are your spoilers.
KAYLA: Honestly, I love them. So yeah, incels. Okay, I got to stop.
SARAH: Incels kind of upset me.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's. There's some actually upsetting things in the in the index, too, but it's fine.
SARAH: Yeah. Also, some names. Got some names in there.
KAYLA: Yeah. Okay. I have to stop looking at the index. It's too silly.
(35:00)
SARAH: Okay. Demi sexual sub subcategory definition and then hey, that's a good one. Subcategory definition and then Kayla’s realization. What you going to do?
KAYLA: I mean, I guess I guess it would be I'm just I'm figuring out the point of index is in
my head. If you want it to be like, oh, I know Kayla talks about realizing she was Demi sexual in this book, but I don't remember where you would just go.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: The index.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Wow. Anyway.
SARAH: You know, one thing that's not in the index, but is in the book, sort of the BTS
KAYLA: BTS.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Honestly, you all should be really proud. BTS is not technically in the content of the book.
SARAH: Correct.
KAYLA: Which is absolutely shocking.
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: Considering how much shit I stuffed in there.
SARAH: Yeah, you put a lot in there.
KAYLA: I am. You could have done. You could have. You had every opportunity.
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: You know, what's one thing I regret not putting in the book?
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: So there's a story in the book about this, like my realization of being Demi sexual in
this like situationship I had with this guy in college named Nikola.
SARAH: Demi sexual subcategory.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Nikola parentheses college mate. I was catching up with him the other day and every time we talk, he always, because we would play Mario Kart a lot when we were like hanging out. And he was always like convinced he was better than me and he wasn't, his whole thing, blah,
Blah. So this always comes up when we catch up. And I realized that I could have published in a published work, like I was better than him at Mario Kart. And I didn't.
SARAH: You failed.
KAYLA: So I get I'll just say it here, I guess.
SARAH: Yeah. On page 113, you will find that we have the word heck. But it's censored.
KAYLA: Yes, that's true.
SARAH: I can't believe no one brought that up when we just stuck that in there. No one mentioned it
KAYLA: There was other things that were brought up. They wouldn't let me. It's not that they wouldn't let me. They recommended I didn't say Meyer and instead said local grocery stores so that people outside of the Midwest would understand.
SARAH: Ugh
KAYLA: Gross. But yeah, no one said anything about that. I don't know. I don't know how that happened.
SARAH: Wild. You really had a lot of pop culture references and I just didn't.
KAYLA: Yeah, I know. They're really all in kind of one paragraph though.
SARAH: I have like the one that I wrote at the beginning, but it's like not a happy pop culture reference.
KAYLA: No, it sucks. All of mine are really in one paragraph though, if you think about it.
SARAH: I think I found it. Well, no, this is not the same paragraph.
KAYLA: Oh, well
SARAH: different paragraph. Alright. Do we have anything else we want to say about our book other than please read it, please buy it, please encourage your local libraries to stock it. Check it out from the library. There's an ebook. There's a physical book. Audio book is TBD
KAYLA: We would love to do an audio book at some point, but yeah, it's not up to us ultimately unless we wanted to like self-produce it, which would be a whole situation.
SARAH: I was talking to my other boss about this and he was like, I want an audio book and I was like, girl, me too and he was like, I don't know anything about books, but then he was like brainstorming ways that we could get the audio book made.
KAYLA: Good. I love the support. Yeah, I mean, please read it. We've been working on this for like two years now, which is pretty crazy.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And we would just love you to support it because we really wrote it for y'all, if you think about it. We only got to write it because we have this platform because you guys listen, so yeah.
SARAH: And I hope that people actually get things out of this book and I hope that it is helpful and constructive for people because –
KAYLA: Or at the very least like entertaining.
SARAH: Yeah, at the very least, I hope you're entertained. Is this not entertaining?
KAYLA: Is this not entertaining? Yeah, if you're in the New York area, come hang out.
SARAH: You have to buy your tickets ahead of time.
KAYLA: Yeah, you can't just show up, unfortunately, but you can get a signed book. Even if you're not coming, you can still get a signed book from The Strand.
SARAH: Are we just going to sign a bunch at The Strand?
(40:00)
KAYLA: Uh-huh.
SARAH: Slay.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's a slay. Yeah, so even if you're not coming, you can order a signed copy like from their website. If you go to the event link, there's a link to then buy it on their website. So you can still get a signed copy if you want.
SARAH: And we're going to get fun colored Sharpies to sign with.
KAYLA: Yeah. We have big plans. And I bought my outfit for the event today and it is a slay.
SARAH: It is such a slay. I have no fucking idea what I'm going to wear.
KAYLA: Yeah. But at least you have books.
SARAH: Kayla will look great and I'll be there.
KAYLA: I should hope so.
SARAH: Can't guarantee how I'll look.
KAYLA: Who's to say?
SARAH: Who's to say? Alright. Soundsfakepod.com/book on all of your local booksellers. Maybe not all of them. I can't speak for all of them, but most of them.
KAYLA: I don't know. A lot probably.
SARAH: A lot of them.
KAYLA: Even in Europe, I've had several people comment or DM being like, oh, I live in this European country. I don't want to pay the shipping fees or whatever. Can I get it or whatever. But our publisher is based in the UK and there's a lot of local bookstores and big book chains across Europe that are at least selling it for pre-order. I don't know about if they'll have it on shelves, but at least for pre-order. So just look up whatever bookstore is closest to you. Go to their website, type in the book, see if they have it, and you could pre-order it online.
SARAH: Yeah. And a lot of Independent bookstores have pre-orders too, so support your local.
KAYLA: Yeah. If you're in the US, you should definitely be able to find it. Yeah. Shop local. And if you can't, I guess that's fine. Or get it from the library for free. That's always good.
SARAH: I think it's not going to hit me until, if this happens. If I see it on a bookshelf, just at a store, just in the wild. You know? Maybe it'll hit me at The Strand when I see the copies there, but I think it won't actually properly hit me until I'm somewhere and I'm like, that's my fucking book.
KAYLA: Yeah. I do think that doing the event is going to hit me pretty hard because the day the book comes out, I think is going to ultimately be pretty anticlimactic
SARAH: Oh yeah
KAYLA: because it's not like everyone's going to get it on the exact same time on Tuesday or whatever.
SARAH: Some people already have it. Some people won't be getting it right away.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah. So that, I think Tuesday will be pretty blah overall, but I do think the event-
SARAH: But we're going to go to Cheesecake Factory. Fuck it up.
KAYLA: Oh, yeah. I need to make that reservation. I keep forgetting.
SARAH: What am I going to wear at Cheesecake Factory?
KAYLA: Yeah. We're dressing fancy and going to Cheesecake Factory. I don't know. That I'm not sure of. I don't have an outfit for that. If you live in Boston, just go to all the Cheesecake Factories Tuesday night and we'll be in one of them.
SARAH: (laughing) Just show up at every Cheesecake Factory, maybe you'll find us.
KAYLA: If you live in Boston and I know a good amount of our listeners do, Sarah's going to be in town next week and we will be about, so keep an eye out.
SARAH: We're there. It'll be my first time in Boston.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true. No one has ever seen me before, unless they just didn’t come up to me.
SARAH: In Boston, you mean?
KAYLA: But now's your chance. Yeah. But now's your chance because we'll both be here.
SARAH: Easier time to find when we're together.
KAYLA: That's probably true.
SARAH: Anyway, Kayla, what's our poll for this week? Have you bought the book? Are you excited for the book? How are you reading the book? I think that's a good one. How are you reading the book?
KAYLA: I think it-
SARAH: I bought it. I'm getting it from the library. I got the ebook. I'm going to share a copy with my friend. And then when we inevitably love it so much, I'm going to get my own.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Or I would like to have it, but I am not sure because I don't know if my local library has it and I can't acquire it for myself. Also okay. And then the final option is no, I'm a loser.
KAYLA: True. Oh, okay. I don't know if I'm allowed to put that many options in, but I'll do my best.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Kayla, what is your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: My beef is that I don't know what happened, but it was when I was trying on clothes early today. I pulled my shoulder somehow and now it hurts and it's also a part of my shoulder –
(45:00)
KAYLA: It's something with a nerve because it's also hurting my fingers on that hand. I'm old. All I was doing was putting clothes on.
SARAH: And it's like when I really like pulled something in my back because I was stretching just like...
KAYLA: Dean did that a couple of weeks ago.Dean bent down to pick up his shoe and pulled his back and was out for like two weeks because he picked up his shoe.
SARAH: That's what happens when you start aging.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's terrible. So that's my beef like that sucks. My juice is that I had a very successful shopping day. I got my book outfit. I got a kit n caboodle.
SARAH: Kitten caboodle.
KAYLA: I got some makeup. No, no, no. A kit n caboodle.
SARAH: You know, when you did first say it, because I know that it can be called a kit and caboodle, but I was used to it just being called a caboodle. And so in my head, I really was like, did she say kitten caboodle?
KAYLA: I wish. It just has makeup in it. I wish there was just kittens in there.
SARAH: Thought it was maybe for holding cat toys.
KAYLA: That's just my makeup. No, that's what they're they have baskets for them.
SARAH: Okay. Alright. Well, my beef is people who have really fucking bright headlights. You know, those cars that the headlights are so and it's not necessarily the fault of people driving cars. I understand that. But like, I really hate like when they're like the cold LEDs that are really bright. But honestly, sometimes the like not cold ones can be even worse if they're just like way too aggressive. I was driving home today, I there was there were some in my eyes and then my eyesight was all splotchy for like two minutes. That's not safe.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah.
SARAH: And like
KAYLA: no
SARAH: because I'm in L.A., like a lot of people are like, just there's a lot of cars and they're kind of all up on my ass sometimes. And I have a lower riding car until sometimes the headlights just go straight into my mirrors.
KAYLA: Yeah. I don't know why there's not more regulation on that.
SARAH: Yeah. Anyway, I hate that. My juice is Agust D tour. My bias is touring. I'm going to die.
KAYLA: Hold on.
SARAH: Oh, you're going to name them
KAYLA: I’m going to name them really fast. Yep. Jimin.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: J-Hope.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: RM.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Sugar.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: It was funny, though, because I don't unlike the posters
KAYLA: V.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I never get that one.
SARAH: It was funny because on the posters, it said Suga/Agust D tour. That's just one person.
KAYLA: Jungkook – Is Jungkook someone else's second name or is that someone I haven't said yet?
SARAH: That's a new person.
KAYLA: Okay. This is the problem. They all have the same name. One, two, three, four, five, six. Okay. Don't say anything. This is one I don't usually forget. This is so annoying.
SARAH: Do you want a hint that's not related to the name but related to the identity?
KAYLA: No. Hold on. I can do it. It's the other J one. I'm missing a J.
SARAH: I'm going to give you a hint.
KAYLA: There's four Js.
SARAH: Yes. I'm going to give you a hint. He is currently enlisted in the Korean military.
KAYLA: That doesn't help me. Fuck. I can do it.
SARAH: Kayla, look at the screen.
KAYLA: Whatever hint you're trying to give, sip, drink, cup, Jacob, shot, Jacob, I don't know, Jacob sounds like Jacob kind of shot, party, now we’re just doing charades. Okay. This is not good for a podcast.
SARAH: It's not. It sounds the same as a beverage. An alcohol
KAYLA: Jin. Fuck. I'm getting better though, I am.
SARAH: You tell yourself that
KAYLA: I'm just starting to forget different ones.
SARAH: You're not consistent about which ones you forget.
KAYLA: I'll have you know, during my neuropsych testing last week, I did really good on the memory tests.
SARAH: I'm so happy for you.
KAYLA: I couldn't do mental math
SARAH: Slay
KAYLA: and I've now diagnosed myself with dyscalculia, but that's for another time.
SARAH: Amazing. We love self-diagnosis. Sometimes it is valid because you can't see, but we're not going to get into this.
KAYLA: It’s a whole thing.
SARAH: I think our other collective juice is like the book is coming out. I think we should probably.
KAYLA: Yeah. And Sarah's visiting and I'm going to see Sarah for like the longest time I've seen her in years.
SARAH: We’ll be together for like an entire week.
(50:00)
KAYLA: And I just saw her earlier this month.
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: In this economy. Who would have thought?
KAYLA: All it took was writing a book.
SARAH: One of Kayla's roommates texted me and was like, hey, what are your food limitations? And I was like, this is a really stressful question to answer actually. I didn't even finish. I still, I still never sent that final response. It still hasn't happened.
KAYLA: Well, what you going to do?
SARAH: Cry about it. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your book, our book, somebody's book on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon patreon.com/soundsfakepod where you might be able to get these podcasts a little early if you're interested
KAYLA: Who’s to say?
SARAH: patreon.com/soundsfakepod. Our five dollar patrons who we're promoting this week are Hadas Drukker, Jackie Rubashkin, Jacob Weber, Jennifer Smart, and Jessica Shea. We also have a new, I thought I was going to sneeze. We also have a new five dollar patron. It's Meredith. Thank you.
KAYLA: Meredith. Thank you.
SARAH: Meredith from Parent Trap.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Earlier I was like, it just makes me think of Meredith from Parent Trap. And Kayla was like, no, yeah.
KAYLA: She slays though.
SARAH: She does.
KAYLA: She does.
SARAH: She serves.
KAYLA: She sucks. But she's, she's country.
SARAH: She does. She really is. Anyway, our ten dollar patrons who are promoting something this week are Arcnes, who would like to promote the Trevor Project, Alyson, who would like to promote Arden Gray by Ray Stoeve. Ari K, who would like to promote Thought Slime and Benjamin Ybarra, who would like to promote tabletop games. Our other ten dollar patrons, our other ten dollar patrons are Cass, CinnamonToastPunch, David Jay, who was mentioned multiple times in our book, David Nurse, Derek and Karissa, Elle Bitter, JB, my Aunt Jeannie, Maggie Capalbo, Martin Chiesl, Mattie, Nathan Lisch, Potater, Purple Hayes, Rosie Costello, Barefoot Backpacker, Song of Storm, The Steve and Zirklteo Our fifteen dollar patrons are Andrew Hillum, who would like to promote Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Click4Caroline, who would like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell, who would like to promote Twitch.tv/melodydia, Hector Murillo, who would like to promote Friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a Better Person, John, who would like to promote our book. Thanks John. John, please just tell me what you want to promote, because keziah Root who would like to promote the people who come into your life just for a small time, but right when you need them, like our book. Nathaniel White, who would like to promote nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, Kayla’s aunt Nina, who would like to promote KateMaggartArt.com, and Sara Jones, who is @eternalloli everywhere. Our twenty dollar patrons are Sabrina Hauck, who would like to promote Merry Christmas from your parents. This is a great Christmas present. Buy it now.
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: Buy it in the first week of sales so that we can get on the New York Times bestseller. Let's make a...
KAYLA: Can you imagine? I would be insufferable.
SARAH: Yeah. You would. And I would not tell anyone.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yup. The dichotomy of man, the duality of man.
KAYLA: So true. Yeah, it's very unlikely to happen, but if it did, I would never shut up. I would never shut up.
SARAH: Even Dragonfly would like to promote mass buying our books, like those right-wingers do, so that they...
KAYLA: Yeah. Or like the conspiracy about Taylor Swift's first album.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Do that. And then after we become New York Times bestsellers, you can return them.
KAYLA: You can return them. And you're a New York Times bestseller. That's right.
SARAH: That's how the right-wingers get on all those bestseller lists.
KAYLA: That's what I'm saying.
SARAH: Also, because pundits are like, I gotta read it. It's like, no, you don't. Anyway, thanks for listening.
KAYLA: You don't.
SARAH: Tune in.
KAYLA: This is nothing.
SARAH: Tune in on Tuesday to our book. Tune in on Thursday at The Strand in Manhattan for us. And tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, read your cows our book.
SARAH: They love A Good Nighttime, a bedtime story of our book.
KAYLA: They love it.
SARAH: They can't get enough.
KAYLA: they can’t. They love it. Okay, bye.
(silence)
(55:00)
(even more silence)
SARAH: At the time, we both found ourselves stressing about trying that again. I forgot how to read in the middle of that sentence.
KAYLA: Mhm
(01:01:03)