Ep 243: Signs We Were Aspec
(00:00)
SARAH: Hey, what's up, hello, welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aroace girl, I'm Sarah, that's me.
KAYLA: And a bi-demisexual girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, Signs We Were Aspec.
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds fake, but okay.
(theme music plays)
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Can you even believe it? Back again.
SARAH: Back again. I tried a new intonation that time, just for fun.
KAYLA: How'd that go? How'd you feel about it?
SARAH: Different, different timbre, felt like a different me, you know, new year, new me, new episode, new timbre.
KAYLA: And I've always said that.
SARAH: Yeah, constantly. Kayla, we definitely have housekeeping this week.
KAYLA: We really have.
SARAH: It's not housekeeping. This is, we're making this house a home. This is homekeeping.
KAYLA: Wow. Oh, that's so inspirational.
SARAH: I know. I thought of it earlier and then just now I remembered it again.
KAYLA: (laughing) I'm so happy that you did. Yes, our homekeeping is that, as you know, surely by now, we do have a book coming out. We know, we know.
SARAH: If you don't know, I'm shocked and confused.
KAYLA: First of all, shocked and confused. Second of all, last week I did a poll on our Instagram and was like, oh, have you pre-ordered the book yet? Most people said no. What are you doing?
SARAH: Embarrassing.
KAYLA: Which I understand because never in my life before writing this book and then becoming friends with people writing books, did I pre-order a book? Because I was like, why would I do that when I could just go buy it?
SARAH: I've pre-ordered books.
KAYLA: I have not. So I understand not doing it. But now that I know how important it is, I'm going to. Anyway, you should pre-order it. Second of all, if you live in New York City or the close surrounding area, we are doing a book launch event the week that our book comes out on February 23rd.
SARAH: We are. It's February 23rd at 7 p.m. at The Strand Bookstore, which means that the poll Kayla did on Instagram where she said that it would be in Brooklyn was false.
KAYLA: Was wrong. But they're close enough.
SARAH: But yeah, we're going to be at The Strand in the Rare Book Room.
KAYLA: It's a very beautiful room. Yeah, we're just going to be talking about the book with SARAH: Angela Chen.
KAYLA: Special guest Angela Chen.
SARAH: We're going to see her in real life.
KAYLA: I know we've never.
SARAH: We haven't ever actually met her.
KAYLA: We've never actually met her. So yeah, we'll just be like discussing the book. We'll be signing books.
SARAH: Kayla's been working on her signature.
KAYLA: Yeah, I became really hyper fixated on my signature the other day. And then I finally pulled myself out of the hyper fixation. And then I had to take a nap because I felt my body felt bad after doing that. So…
SARAH: good.
KAYLA: Things are going really well.
SARAH: My signature is just going to be my normal signature because I know that the brothers Green, John and Hank Green once had a conversation where I don't remember which one of them was which. But one of them has a signing things signature and then a real life signature. And one of them just has the same signature for both.
KAYLA: Interesting
SARAH: And they were like, oh, you have you have two. And then the other one was like, you use the same thing? Like people could forge that.
KAYLA: I – over the weekend went to like a small bookstore in Boston.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And first of all, located Angela and Sharonda's books, was very excited.
SARAH: Hell yeah.
KAYLA: But they had a section in the front with like signed copies of books. And so I did open every single book they had to do so. It wasn't that – it was like 10 books
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: that they just like had on this display. But I did open every single one of them to do some light studying.
SARAH: Have a look
KAYLA: Anyway, if you want to come, please do. I am getting increasingly anxious that no one's going to come
(05:00)
KAYLA: and I'll cry.
SARAH: We were just discussing that before before we started recording this.
KAYLA: Both of our entire families are coming for.
SARAH: And that's stressing us out even more. Now, to which I said, Kayla, at least we're guaranteed to have six attendees at this event.
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: Kayla's parents and her sister, my parents and my sister. But it would be embarrassing if they're the only ones that showed up.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So please do show up. The room can hold a decent amount of people and it would be embarrassing if only one person came.
KAYLA: That would be bad. But if you want to, you do have to get tickets to go like beforehand. You can't just show up.
SARAH: Yeah. You have to, you have to buy them online. You can't buy them at the door.
KAYLA: Yeah. So I put information at soundsfakepod.com slash book with all the other information.
SARAH: You could buy a ticket at the door on your phone, I guess.
KAYLA: Maybe? I don't know if they have a cut off. I'm not sure.
SARAH: But you should buy your tickets now. You can either buy like a $10 ticket just to get you in the room or you like buy a book that will be signed and that is your ticket, either is acceptable. If you want to pay $10 and bring your own book, by all means.
KAYLA: Please do. Yeah. The money goes to like supporting the bookstore, which is like an independent, a great independent bookstore.
SARAH: Since 1927.
KAYLA: So you should give them your money. Anyway, please-
SARAH: 18 miles of books.
KAYLA: 18, they have 18 miles of books. You don't understand. They have 18 miles of books. Anyway, please someone come. I'm getting so stressed about it. Which is honestly actually nice because the past couple of days, I've been so anxious about the event that I'm no longer anxious about the book itself. So it's like, mm, trade off.
SARAH: I've become anxious about the event.
KAYLA: Uh huh
SARAH: I've become aware of the book.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's soon.
SARAH: Anyway, anyway. February 21st, book is out. February 23rd, we're having a book event in Manhattan. We may try and do something in Boston before that.
KAYLA: Yeah, so they're coming to visit me in Boston first and then we're going to New York.
SARAH: I've never been to Massachusetts.
KAYLA: Yeah, we're having an adventure. We are going to Cheesecake Factory to celebrate the book launch. So-
SARAH: Thanks everyone.
KAYLA: If you want to see us choose a Cheesecake Factory in the Boston area and we might be there.
SARAH: And just hope that we're there.
KAYLA: Just kind of got to hope.
SARAH: Yeah. Anyway.
KAYLA: Let's start this podcast.
SARAH: We're going to dress up, right?
KAYLA: Yeah, I think we should be very fancy.
SARAH: And then I texted Kayla and I was like, oh my God, what should I wear?
KAYLA: And she was like, to cheesecake?
SARAH: And I was like, yeah, obviously. I don't care about the event.
KAYLA: I don't care what I wear to the event. I care what I wear to Cheesecake Factory. Yeah, we are going to go probably with my roommates in full fancy attire for the night of the book launch.
SARAH: I'm going to have to bring heels. Like, come on.
KAYLA: I mean, you have to.
SARAH: Anyway.
KAYLA: What size are your feet?
SARAH: Seven and a half.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Fun fact. For the class.
KAYLA: You can't share my, you can't have my shoes. I guess you could. You just have to put a little tissue in there maybe.
SARAH: What flavor are you?
KAYLA: Like eight.
SARAH: I can, I sometimes wear eight. I'm like seven and a half. Eight.
KAYLA: Okay. Well, if you need shoes.
SARAH: I’ll have to bring my own. Wow. Okay. Let's do a podcast. What are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week? This is an idea that Entity 303 on our Discord put as an idea. Talk about this. So they said to talk about commonly overlooked signs from the past that you might be on the ace and aro spectrum. And someone else was like, oh yeah, like looking back on your childhood and saying, how did I not know? So I haven't looked through, and then people got into a whole discussion, I guess, on the Discord about like what their signs were. I haven't read through them, but we could look at those, but I've thought of a couple for myself.
SARAH: Okay. I have one that is actually mentioned in the book.
KAYLA: I was thinking about that for you earlier today.
SARAH: I actually don't think that you're thinking the same thing I'm thinking of. I think I'm thinking of something much smaller, and I think you're thinking of the broader thing. Anyway, you go first.
KAYLA: Me go first for me?
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: I think my first one is that I did not have my first crush until fifth grade, which like
doesn't seem like a big thing. And I thought was normal until I started talking to aloes and they were like, yeah, I had my first like boyfriend in kindergarten.
SARAH: Girl, what?
KAYLA: And I was like, huh?
SARAH: I had my first quote unquote crush, it was their fourth or fifth grade, I don't remember. But I only had this crush because I found out that this kid had a crush on me. And I was like, well, I guess I should have a crush back.
(10:00)
KAYLA: This reminds me, and I know I've told this story, of the time that I found out this kid had a crush on me. So I just like went up to him and was like, haha, I heard you had a crush on me as if that's like, why would I do that? That has to be a sign of something
SARAH: evil little child
KAYLA: if not just a mental disorder.
SARAH: Evil little child.
KAYLA: And then he ended up being so much cooler than me and he went slippery rock and we've been over this.
SARAH: We have been over this.
KAYLA: We've been over it.
SARAH: My one, which is like a small thing that leads into the big thing that all of this is mentioned in the book sounds like is that I like would like think about like my future wedding.
KAYLA: Oh, I'm thinking of something different
SARAH: which yeah, that's what I thought, um, which like a lot of people do, but like I did not give a fuck about who I was marrying in this hypothetical wedding. I did not care. I did not ever think about it, but I was like, this is what I want my dress to look like. And then I would be like, all right, when I have kids, these are the names that I want for my kids.
KAYLA: She just loves naming things, Your honor.
SARAH: I just like naming things. I would, I would write stories and I would give these characters unnecessarily, like 12 siblings who all had first and middle names and people know KAYLA: Listen people know, they listened to Aven swords
SARAH: Okay. I have stories that are way worse. We're like, like there's one I'm thinking of where it was like this girl who like lives on a horse farm and she has, she has like 13 siblings and they all have first and middle names and I also listed their ages and also in this story, I listed exactly what this girl was wearing
KAYLA: Well yeah we had to
SARAH: I'm like, didn't even get to the story.
KAYLA: It was the character building, you know
SARAH: yeah, but yeah, I would always like imagine like those things because that was what I was interested in, but I was not actually interested in.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Being married or being married to someone.
SARAH: I was just like, Ooh, this is the dress that I would like to wear and these are the horrifying names that I would have given my children.
KAYLA: Give me one. Break me off a piece of that.
SARAH: Um, you know, for a while I was like really into the name Destiny. If your name is Destiny, no offense.
KAYLA: That's tough.
SARAH: It's not for me.
KAYLA: No it is not.
SARAH: And for me-
KAYLA: It's giving 2007.
SARAH: Exactly. And I liked it in a very like cliche white girl kind of way, like, like American girl posters that say you can do it and you're doing that kind of way
KAYLA: Oh, I was thinking of like a Limited Too way.
SARAH: It both.
KAYLA: Or like a justice.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. So if your name is Destiny or if you have named someone Destiny, I don't wish for you to take offense. I just, it's not for me. Kind of like zillionaire cannon. Nick Cannon's child.
KAYLA: We can't do this. This cannot turn into a Nick Cannon podcast.
SARAH: I was talking to my coworker about it today.
KAYLA: We just can't do this.
SARAH: And she was fully informed.
KAYLA: That's great. That's good.
SARAH: What's your next one?
KAYLA: My next one is I don't, I never had like celebrity crushes growing up. Like, I feel like everyone had their posters from their teen magazines.
SARAH: I just had American girl horse posters.
KAYLA: Yeah. I didn't even, I had like TV show posters, I think.
SARAH: I just had a lot of stuffed animals.
KAYLA: Yeah, that too. I just didn't… I don't know. I don't feel like I was ever like boy crazy in that way. You know?
SARAH: Yeah. And I, for me, I didn't like get into the quote unquote boy crazy things until I was in high school. And at that point, like, because I got into like One Direction, which is like a stereotypical hetero girl, teenage girl thing to be into, but like I had my, what I would now, as the BTS ARMY refer to as like my bias, but like I was never like, I'm interested in Y/N fanfiction. Like I recently found out that a friend of mine did write first person
KAYLA: Ugh
SARAH: POV Y/N Niall Horan fanfiction
KAYLA: No
SARAH: and it was the most terrifying thing I had ever learned about this person.
KAYLA: That's really tough.
SARAH: But I was never like, oh, I, let's go on a date, me and fucking…
(15:00)
SARAH: Louie Tomlinson in 2011.
KAYLA: God. Niall Horan I think is playing a festival in Boston this year.
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: I was like, I didn't know he was doing that.
SARAH: You know, Niall Horan was in my dream the other day. We, we saw him on the street and my mom recognized him and she was like, oh, that's Niall Horan. And I was like, I gotta hide. I don't like, I don't, I'm not acknowledging that I know this guy, but then he said hi to my mom.
KAYLA: Oh my God. Julie, get it. Famous Julie.
SARAH: And you know what, Niall is the member of One Direction whose solo career my mother is most into.
KAYLA: Wow. There you go.
SARAH: There it is.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: No, I was, I didn't have like celebrity crushes. I feel like I have more celebrity crushes now than I did.
KAYLA: Me too. When it was like, you're supposed to have them.
SARAH: Yeah. For me too, with crushes with an asterisk.
KAYLA: Squishes.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah. Strong parasocial relationships.
SARAH: The parasocial gaze is real.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Alright. So that's one thing, which I think is what you were thinking of for me, which is also mentioned in the book.
SARAH: So I'm not going to go into too much detail.
KAYLA: Because it's a squeak-ret
SARAH: You’re going to have to read the book to get all the details, but I had a teacher who was single and didn't have kids. And I was like, oh shit, that's a thing you can do? That's great. There's a whole thing about this in the book. And then the next year I was, I had missed school and I had missed a test. So I was sitting out in the hallway taking a test and that teacher and another teacher happened to be in the hallway having a conversation, which was extremely distracting for me as a person with ADHD. It was very difficult. But they were talking about how my one single teacher was like potentially online dating and like potentially looking for a relationship. And this crushed me. I was so upset by this that my teacher who was like the cool single teacher who like didn't have kids and like didn't have a relationship was like actually looking for a relationship.
KAYLA: She betrayed you.
SARAH: I hated that so much.
KAYLA: So funny to me.
SARAH: I wonder what I got on that test.
KAYLA: Who’s to say? Yeah, Sarah has a whole thing about that in the book and then goes into it more in the bonus episodes. Did you know bonus episodes for every chapter of the book? Every chapter.
SARAH: So get into it.
KAYLA: This one is, this one's hard because I also like grew up religious, which like makes things complicated. I feel like I've talked about this before, but my first boyfriend that I had, I had in high school and I was like not interested at all in like doing anything sex related with him.
SARAH: mhm
KAYLA: And I think I chalked it up to just like, oh, I'm super religious. He was even more religious, but like the urge wasn't even there.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like, I feel like if it was a religious thing, the urge would have been there. And then I would have religiously like not done what the urge wanted me to, you know?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: but it just was not there.
SARAH: Yeah. And then in your head, you're like, oh my God, I'm such a good Catholic.
KAYLA: And it's funny too, because I remember at one point he told me that like his mom was kind of like worried about our relationship because I like wasn't the same religion as him
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: and like she was worried that like I was trying to pressure him into like doing things. And I was like, who?
SARAH; Me?
KAYLA: Moi? It's funny.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Sometimes I think about that.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I was in a similar boat where like in high school, I just had no interest in relationships or dating at all. And like anytime I got remotely adjacent to like someone showing interest in me, I like always had a very like visceral anti-reaction.
KAYLA: I wonder why.
SARAH: I wonder why. And like at the time, I was just like, oh, like, you know, I do fucking gymnastics 20 hours a week during the school year. I am also, you know, doing all these extracurriculars and blah, blah, blah
KAYLA: That’s a full time job
SARAH: Yeah, that destroyed my body. And I was like, I'm just too busy. Like I'd like, you know, that's fine. Like maybe like whatever later. And I think that was normalized just because so many of my other friends didn't date either. But like, I think if I were to ask them now about their experience with having crushes and detraction in high school, even though the way it looked on the outside was exactly the same, like didn't have any relationships. Like, I think the internal experience was wildly different and I just didn't realize it.
KAYLA: Well that's how I feel about the religion thing. And I have heard this from other aspec people too is they just assumed like, oh
(20:00)
KAYLA: I'm being like, all my other religious friends talk about how hard it is staying pure or whatever. And I always thought it was super easy.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And I thought I was just like really good at it. And then afterwards you realize like, oh, I was not dealing with the same sinful urges as them.
SARAH: Not at all.
KAYLA: So silly.
SARAH: Not at all. And also I, I wasn't, I was, I don't think the environment I was raised in was as religious as yours. We like, I was raised Catholic and I went to like Christian camp every summer, but that wasn't, we didn't go to that camp for the God of it. Like we went-
KAYLA: Yeah. I don't know. My circumstance is weird because like we went to church every Sunday and I went all the way through confirmation, but like we weren't like culturally religious in the house.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: You know, like my parents didn't really bring it into the house. We just went out of the house to get it. I don't know.
SARAH: Me and my sister were like altar servers. Like my-
KAYLA: Same. I was an altar boy.
SARAH: Yeah. Well, cause my, our priest was like one of the first people in the area who were like, yeah, fucking girls can be altar servers. What the fuck is wrong with all of you? And so like it would, it would be like, we would go to church on the days we were scheduled to be altar servers, but we would not necessarily go every week.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And then we went to like Christian camp, which, you know, after that I was always like, yeah, Jesus for like a little bit. And then it would go away.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And then the next summer I would come back and be like, ah, where was I going with this? No, so I wasn't in a super strict religious environment also because my dad's side of the family is Catholic. My mom's side of the family is a conservative, but not religious. And so like, it's not like I had one big overarching…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And my dad's side of the family is Catholic, but they're liberal Catholics. So like it's a whole, like when I was a kid, my aunt like became Jewish. And so like we went to her like ceremony where she like finalized the… you know, she was whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: It was, it was, it was chill, chill Catholics, which are rare, but I was also still raised in like an environment that was like no premarital sex
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: like no, and I was just like, yeah, okay. Like unbothered, like did not think twice about that. And I wasn't like, I'm so good. I was just like, okay, sure.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I don't, I, I don't know if this means anything or not, but when I was in like first grade, all of my best friends were boys. And I feel like that is kind of a time where people are like, oh cooties.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: And I just like didn't have any concept of that.
KAYLA: I can see that.
SARAH: One of them is now gay.
KAYLA: I love that.
SARAH: One of them is a bartender.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And one of them, I don't know what he's doing. I have him on Facebook.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: But then like after that, like two of them switched schools and so like the friend group kind of fell apart. And like, then I was friends with like more girls, but like, I would like in like first grade, like my main friend group was me and three dudes.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I just feel like that's like a very, like, I didn't care about the whole like cooties, they're boys, whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah. This one was part of the reason I started trying to figure out if I was aspec because it was so strong of like, I should know, you know?
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: but probably should know and did know after this that if you vomit every time you think someone's like going to try to have sex with you and have an anxiety attack, there might be something there to figure out.
SARAH: There might be something going on
KAYLA: You know?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: What were the people were saying in the cord?
KAYLA: I don’t know. Let me do a little look. Let's see. Hiding under a blanket when watching a movie with other people during scenes where characters would do anything beyond kissing. Running away from the talk.
SARAH: (laughing) Yeah.
KAYLA: Once googled the purpose of dating. Googling how to know if you have a crush.
SARAH: Did you as a child like ever look up like, blah, blah, blah, kissing, whatever?
KAYLA: No, that's a good one too.
SARAH; Yeah.
KAYLA: I never like as a kid like looked up porn or any of that. I think the most that I did was like read fanfic and then sometimes it would have like smut in it, but I don't ever, I don't know that I remember like seeking out smut.
SARAH: Yeah. I as a, as a youth recall, I like looked up videos of like how to kiss up, but they were like how to videos.
KAYLA: Yeah
(25:00)
SARAH: They weren't like, they weren't like, I want to, like it was not at all pornographic. It was like this is, and I, I, I like, I guess I was just curious about it from like a, what are the logistics of this sort of thing?
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: I don't know. I don't know what it was.
KAYLA: It's so funny.
SARAH: I could not tell you. There's that for you.
KAYLA: Yeah. I honestly like, and like, I think a large part of this is probably the religious stuff too. Like don't think I sought out sexual content or anything like that until after I had my first sexual relationship
SARAH: Mhm. Yeah
KAYLA: because I think before then, like not having felt that attraction at all ever before,
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I had like no frame of reference for like why I would want that because I'd never experienced it. So I was like, okay. And then after I experienced it, I was like, okay, I get the appeal. Like whatever.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But before then I just like had no reference for that telling her.
SARAH: This one is from E-H-S is the best one is a six months into an actually very healthy romantic relationship. I was like, Hmm, you know who my boyfriend would be really good with his best friend.
KAYLA: Oh, that's so funny.
SARAH: And then every time he would talk about his best friend, I'd be thinking IDK man sounds a little gay.
Oh my God.
KAYLA: This one, one of my Demi romantic signs was seeing a new couple and thinking, wow, they must be really fast at making best friends if they're already dating.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That's so funny.
SARAH: I know a lot of just like people thinking that others are exaggerating about like crushes and attraction.
KAYLA: Yeah. A lot of like fake crushes and stuff. I feel like I see that like all the time.
SARAH: Yeah. I have like a, it's like weird and like bad, but also like, I had not gotten catcalled until I was like in college
KAYLA: Same
SARAH: like it never happened to me when I was younger and it still does not happen regularly. Like I know like some people like deal with that shit all the time.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It's probably cause I don't leave my house, but
KAYLA: well
SARAH: I had just like never had that experience and I was like, glad cause like it's a shitty, like once you have experienced it, it's shitty and I don't like it. But I was like, I have heard of some people being like, oh, like why am I not getting catcalled?
KAYLA: Didn't we do a whole episode on this like early on? I feel like we did and we talked about like
SARAH: I don’t know, we've been doing this for five years. I don't know what the fuck we talked about.
KAYLA: I feel like we did. We talked about like, yeah, obviously you don't want to get catcalled, but then if you never do there's something in you that's like, do these weird people on the street think I'm ugly?
SARAH: Yeah. Like, what do you mean? And like, I never really had that and like I have like occasionally like on the times it has happened, I've been like, well, I guess at least I look like an object.
KAYLA: Honestly, I feel like I always look my worst when I get catcalled.
SARAH: Yeah. One time, the most recent time I got catcalled it was cause my finger is bleeding profusely.
KAYLA: Sorry?
SARAH: Not because of that.
KAYLA: The guy was like, Ayo, that blood looks delicious.
SARAH: I'm a vampire. And then the most recent time I thought I was about to get catcalled, but then the guy just complimented me on my parallel parking skills and drove away.
KAYLA: I love that. I have gotten catcalled by the same person near my house recently and I'm frightened of him now.
SARAH: Yeah, that's not good.
KAYLA: And so that's fun.
SARAH: I love feeling uncomfortable in the place that you live.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's actually really cool fearing whether someone's going to find out where you live
cause they keep seeing you in the same place. I love being a woman. This is the opposite of the TikTok that's like, Oh, how I love being a woman. This is that, but the bad one. This is not that.
SARAH: Interesting. This person saying, um, frozen flower says, I never felt broken as a kid. I could always look at my mom who never dated in high school. I'm 99% sure she's aspec. So even though I lacked any labels, I never doubted or worried about my lack of attraction because they actually did have like, they were like, Oh, this is normal. Cause it happened to my mom.
KAYLA: Huh. That’s interesting
SARAH: ChocoCat1147 says that they told people they wanted to be a single crazy cat lady when they grew up.
KAYLA: I love that. The only thing I can think of as a sign of being bi-romantic was that I was always like, well, yeah, women are more attractive than men in general, like women are just better looking.
SARAH: Duh.
KAYLA: I don't know if that's a normal thing to say or if that's just me being gay. I don't know. At the time I was like, that's just must be a fact.
SARAH: And I was just like, okay.
KAYLA: Sarah was like, I'll sit on that one for a couple of years. Thanks though. Sure.
(30:00)
SARAH: Like, I mean, I'm aro. Maybe I'm not the best person to ask.
KAYLA: Oh, sometimes you look back and you say, what a silly time.
SARAH: Silly goose.
KAYLA: Silly goose o'clock. Have I shown you my clock?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I have a clock that says, my roommate made it for me. It says silly goose o'clock and there's geese all over it. Cause it's always silly goose o'clock.
SARAH: Yeah. I feel like a lot of these stories that people are saying is just like, you think it's normal as a kid.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Or you think that you're existing in the same headspace as everyone else. And it's not until you're an adult.
KAYLA: Until people say stuff. Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. That you realize like, what the fuck? No, I am in a completely different world than you.
KAYLA: Yeah. People just do things. And it's like, what?
SARAH: Yeah. I don't know. Like of the couple of friends that I did have in high school who like dated, I was just like, I don't know. That seems kind of time consuming.
KAYLA: Honestly, I feel like that's some of the best advice I have for like trying to figure out if you're ace back is like, go to someone who you know for sure is allo and just try to like compare notes.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And if they're really off, then maybe there's something to think about there.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Allos – just like living with allos and like most of the people I know, all of my friends in Boston except for Dean are single.
SARAH: Rip.
KAYLA: And it's like fine. But it's just funny hearing them talk about their escapades because I'm always just like, like one of my friends was dating this guy who's like a travel nurse. So he was like only in town for a little bit. And I was like, what the fuck is the point? Like why are you doing? In my mind, I was like, yeah, why he's just leaving. I just can't.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It doesn't make sense in my brain, you know?
SARAH: Another thing that, you know, this didn't become a problem until I was in college, which was kind of around the time that I was figuring out that I was aspec But this remains to this day, a just terrifying fear. I live in constant fear of overhearing people having sex.
KAYLA: I can't believe. So you never did in college?
SARAH: Like it never happened?
KAYLA: Did you ever overhear anyone in college?
SARAH: There was one situation that I, I like to tell myself that maybe that's not what was happening.
KAYLA: Okay. I see.
SARAH: But I was able to kind of drown it out with noise.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: But that was like the only time that that's really happened.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so I just live in constant fear.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Wait, didn't you have that issue with like our neighbor's sophomore year after I went
to Germany?
KAYLA: Yes. It didn't happen a lot, but there were a couple times. Yeah. Cause you weren't there. So it was just like the rest of us. And we did hear people sometimes. That's like really the most, that's the most I've ever heard sex. And then I remember one time in my, I was like sleeping over my ex's apartment when he was not my ex. That would be weird. And I woke up in the middle of the night cause I could hear the people in the floor below him having the loudest sex of all time at like 3 a.m. And I was like, I'm just, I'm trying to, I was like, I'm sleeping.
SARAH: Yeah. I just live in constant fear of overhearing something horrifying.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: It's like that scene in Loveless where she keeps thinking that she's overhearing people having sex and she's so upset by it. And then finally she goes upstairs and it's the laundry room.
KAYLA: (laughing) Yeah.
SARAH: (laughing) Like that's me.
KAYLA: Well, luckily you have good headphones mostly when they work and you can just not listen.
SARAH: I hate it. But also just like knowing it's happening.
KAYLA: You don't like that.
SARAH: I don't like that.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like I'm fine knowing people do that, like I know people, but like I don't want to know that it's happening when it's happening, you know? Speaking of my headphones, incredible segue, what's our poll for this week? You will understand in time how that was related to my headphones, but what's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Oh yes. I think we should just do like, what was a sign you should have known you were aspec or whatever. I'll word it better.
SARAH: Would you rather hear people having sex or walk into the sun? I'd rather walk into the sun.
KAYLA: Would you really? But would you really?
SARAH: I wouldn't be able to walk because it'd be zero gravity.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And by the time I got close enough to really walk into the sun, I would be gone. I would be a goner. I'd be done for.
KAYLA: Yeah. Just like the guy in that one movie.
SARAH: I know exactly what you're talking about
(35:000
SARAH: and totally understand this reference.
KAYLA: The guy, it's the Marvel movie and he flew in the sun because he did such a fuck up.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Eternals.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That one. Spoiler alert.
SARAH: Also, Icarus. Gotta watch out for your wings.
KAYLA: So stupid. What a stupid guy.
SARAH: Icarus was flying too close to the sun. It's a great song by Bastille. Anyway. Yeah, find our poll on our Instagram, Kayla, what's your beef and your juice? I'll do mine first because it's related to my headphones. My beef is that my headphones, I have Bluetooth headphones. They're very good. They're the Bose QuietComfort 45 headphones.
KAYLA: Oh, advertisement.
SARAH: I think they're 45. I think my old ones were 35, and these are 45. Anyway, sometimes I turn them on and they're like, battery 100% connected to whatever device. And then I start listening or watching to something five or six seconds later, anywhere from five seconds to like eight minutes, they just turn off
KAYLA: Hm
SARAH: they just go boom. And I say, excuse me, and this has happened multiple times. And I've like tried to like reset my headphones, like I now know how to reset these headphones. And sometimes that works, but yesterday it did not work.
KAYLA: That's rude.
SARAH: I don't like it. My juice is, you know, I was driving home and I was like, I have a juice. Can I tell you right now what it is? Absolutely not.
KAYLA: Oh. Good.
SARAH: This is a weird niche juice related to another beef, which was that I went to the gym the other day and I was worried that it was going to be super busy because it's January, but it has been raining so much in Los Angeles.
KAYLA: Did you see the sinkhole?
SARAH: No. There's a sinkhole?
KAYLA: There was a sinkhole in Los Angeles.
SARAH: In Los Angeles?
KAYLA: Yeah. And two people's car fell in.
SARAH: Oh my God. I'll have to look it up. Yeah. We've been getting unprecedented amounts of rain and like repeated storms in California. Like there's a storm and then there's a couple of days and then there's another storm and then there's a couple of days and then there's another storm. And my friend who's actually from Southern California said that he has not seen this much rain in like one, in one year in his living memory. So.
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: Cool.
KAYLA: At least your river will be full.
SARAH: I know. The road was like a river sometimes.
KAYLA: Wow. Yeah. I was on the phone with Sarah when she was driving home or she was driving to the gym the other day and she alerted me of every puddle she was driving through.
SARAH: Oh yeah. It was like a tsunami. It was like a tidal wave, a tsunami every time I hit a puddle.
KAYLA: Yep
SARAH: And she could hear the rain. It was loud.
KAYLA: It was loud.
SARAH: But my, but my juice was that it was normally full at the, not the airport, at the…
KAYLA: At the gym?
SARAH: gym because it was so rainy. But they only had one like mat like to put inside the door to wipe your feet on. They only had one in the whole place and so it was soaking wet.
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: That's all. What's your beef and your juice?
KAYLA: My beef is that I've just been very, my ADHD symptoms have really been presenting this past week. I feel like, and I'm getting testing soon, so I'll come back later with news, but I've never felt like I had the type of ADHD where it's like, I can't focus on anything. It was like more of like the sensory type issues, but I've been having a really hard time focusing this week. It's been really cool.
SARAH: Cool.
KAYLA: Yeah. My juice is that… I got verified on Instagram today.
SARAH: (laughing) Kayla fucking texted me and she was like, Sarah, I got verified and I was like, what the fuck is going on?
KAYLA: First of all, I texted Sarah many times and she did not answer me.
SARAH: I was sleeping. It was nighttime.
KAYLA: Yeah. Well, it was, it was not nighttime. It was like seven for you.
SARAH: Nighttime.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I actually should have been awake. I was, I, my alarm went off many times and I just ignored it.
KAYLA: Good. I love that.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: At a certain point when you weren't texting me back, I was like, she's not dead. Like she should be awake by now.
SARAH: She's going to be late for work?
KAYLA: (laughing) I was like, I know what time she has work.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I got verified on Instagram today.
SARAH: So me next
KAYLA: I got, yeah, we're going to work on Sarah's. I also got my snail claw clip.
(40:00)
KAYLA: It matches my snail purse.
SARAH: Snurse
KAYLA: And also my yoga teacher recognized me today
SARAH: I know you were concerned about that.
KAYLA: I was, and she recognized me today because I walked in and she's like, they take off the people that are there. And I was like, Oh, Kayla. And she was like, I know your name. And I was like, Oh my God. And then after class, she was like, Oh, I'll see you tomorrow, right? At first I got confused because for some reason I got Thursday and Tuesday messed up and I was like, you're not teaching tomorrow. And then I was like, yes, you are. So then I sounded stupid and I was like, please don't think I'm stupid. Anyway. So I was like, yeah, I am coming tomorrow. And she's like, what do you want to do in class? Like what do you want to do? And I was like, she wants to know what I want to do in class.
SARAH: How many days do you yogurt?
KAYLA: Two.
SARAH: But they're back to back?
KAYLA: Usually I do Tuesday, Thursday, but because all of the fucking New Year's people have been going, the Tuesday class got full before I signed up.
SARAH: I see.
KAYLA: So usually I do Tuesday/Thursday, but I fucked up. The Wednesday class is like a chill. It's like a, it's called like a restore, a slow restorative class. So it's not really – it's like more stretching than anything.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: Exercise.
KAYLA: my beef, I already did that and that was my juice. Alright, I'm done.
SARAH: Cool. So you can tell us about your beef, your juice your experience with the mudslides. There are mudslides in California, there’ve been a lot of mudslides
KAYLA: I’ve heard that
SARAH: Because it's so dry. Cause we're in a drought.
KAYLA: Certainly not now.
SARAH: That then the, the dirt gets so dry that it doesn't soak up the water and then you get inches and inches and inches of rain and it… just causes a mudslide.
KAYLA: Hm, good
SARAH: Anyway, climate change is real and California is in a state of emergency. You can tell us about those things on our social media at SoundsFakePod. We also have a Patreon, Patreon.Com/SoundsFakePod. If you want to support us there, we have a new $2 patron. It is Miley.
KAYLA: Hello
SARAH: Thanks Miley. I was going to make a Miley Cyrus joke and then I didn't. And I'm so brave.
KAYLA: Yeah, they probably get, they probably get that a lot
SARAH: I know. That's why I didn't.
KAYLA: You're so brave.
SARAH: Unless it is Miley Cyrus. In which case, hey, hey girl, what's up? Give us more than $2.
KAYLA: Give us more than $2. What the fuck are you doing?
SARAH: But Miley, we are very appreciative of your $2. I don't want to discount that.
KAYLA: You know, it is, you're a normal person, I'm assuming. So that's very appreciated.
SARAH: Our $5 patrons who are promoting this week are Adam Klager, Alex Istar, our AliceIsInSpace, Amanda Kyker, and Ariel Laxo. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are, bing bong, are Arcnes who would like to promote the Trevor Project, Alyson who would like to promote Ardon Gray by Ray Stoeve, Ari K who would like to promote Thought Slime, Benjamin Ybarrawho would like to promote Tabletop Games, and Cass who would like to promote using the correct pronouns for everyone. Our other $10 patrons are CinnamonToastpunch, David Jay, David Nurse, Derek and Karissa, Elle Bitter, JB I think? Unclear what tier JB is, confused about it.
KAYLA: A mystery.
SARAH: A mystery. My Aunt Jeannie, Maggie Capalbo, Martin Chiesl, Mattie, Nathan Lisch who is new. Thanks Nathan.
KAYLA: Hello.
SARAH: Hello. Thank you for your money. What would you like to promote? This is a promoting thing, right? Yeah. What would you like to promote? Potater, Purple Hayes, Rosie Costello, BarefootBackpacker, SongofStorm, The Steve, and Zirklteo. Our $15 patrons are Andrea Hillum who would like to promote the Invisible Spectrum podcast, Click4Caroline who would like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappelle who is at twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Hector Murillo who would like to support friends that are supportive, constructive and help you grow as a better person, John Young who I did, I checked, I did message this person and they did not message me back. I messaged them in November.
KAYLA: Well not your fault then.
SARAH: Maybe I should message them again? I don't know. I'm not sure.
KAYLA: Who’s to say?
SARAH: Keziah Root who would like to promote people who come into your life just for a small time but just when you need them. Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla Vanina who would like to promote Katemaggartart.com and Sara Jones who is @eternalloli Everywhere, our $20 patrons are Sabrina Hauck who would like to promote Merry Christmas from your parents but in the year 2021 and Dragonfly who would like to promote whatever the antithesis of climate change caused natural disasters are.
SARAH; Thanks for listening. Buy our book. Come to our event.
KAYLA: Come to our New York.
SARAH: Come to New York. It's up to you New York.
KAYLA: It really is. If this fails it's New York City's fault. And listen, last time we were in New York together we got recognized in public.
SARAH: True. So the rats aren't gonna like this but the rats don't run this city. We do. And me and Kayla are the rats.
KAYLA: Yeah we're the rats.
SARAH: Anyway, tune in next Sunday. That's the event is February 23rd, the book comes out February 21st. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: Till then, take good care of your cows.
(45:18)