Ep 81: Sexuality Quizzes
[00:00:00.000]
SARAH: Hey what's up hello welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro/ace girl, I’m Sarah, that’s me.
KAYLA: And a demi-straight girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: We talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, Sexuality Quizzes. Sounds Fake But Okay
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay
[Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Oh shit, um…
SARAH: No, we have to…
KAYLA: A m’osquito.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: I really was thinking about this last night because I couldn't remember if I did one in the last episode when I was… I think I did. But anyway, I'm wearing a sweatsuit and I'm ready.
SARAH: Okay. What are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: Uh, this…
SARAH: Wait, before we go, a reminder. May 17th.
KAYLA: Yeah. I was…
SARAH: 5:30 Eastern Time, live stream.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Don't forget.
KAYLA: We have a YouTube that's coming on. We have like 10 whole subscribers now. Two of them are us. It's very exciting.
SARAH: If you want to listen to our stupid theme song.
KAYLA: I did put our intro theme song as like 15-second video on there because I love it and I know how much Sarah hates it and I think it's funny. And so it's on there now. You're welcome. I spent a lot of time editing that up.
SARAH: Cool. Okay, this week.
KAYLA: So this week someone…
SARAH: Where did my voice go?
KAYLA: Oh wait. So the @theAcesandMe2 on Twitter, which I think is someone from our Discord but I can't quite remember, might not be.
SARAH: Y'all have got to have the same handles everywhere.
KAYLA: You don't have to. But for those of you that do it is…
SARAH: It's very helpful.
KAYLA: Anyway, so they sent us this thing. They sent us a tweet and they were like, you should talk about and maybe even attempt one of the asexuality quizzes. And I replied back and I was like, what's that? And they were like, here's an example. There's many more. They didn't want to say what they thought about it. They wanted to know what we thought about it. And also like general sexuality quizzes.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So I have heard of the… what the Kinsey…
SARAH: The Kinsey scale
KAYLA: Scale. It is like a quiz you can take and you answer questions.
SARAH: It basically puts you on a scale between heterosexual and homosexual.
KAYLA: A lot to unpack there.
SARAH: And the middle being there bisexual. Well, okay… the middle. Okay. zero is exclusively hetero. Six is exclusively homo. Three in the middle is equally heterosexual and homosexual. Which like the way that is described is I think problematic to begin with.
KAYLA: There's a lot here that could be unpacked.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: But not…
SARAH: And if you look at like the rating of one, it says predominantly heterosexual only incidentally homosexual.
KAYLA: But like… but also what the fuck does that even mean?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: What is…
SARAH: It's like in certain incidents but… yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah, so it's, I mean, scales like this, I don't even, when was, do we know anything about this?
SARAH: I'm on the Wikipedia page so I'm an expert.
KAYLA: Okay, good.
SARAH: Give me a second.
KAYLA: Who made this? Was it a straight white man as I'm expecting?
SARAH: It was Alfred Kinsey.
KAYLA: Yep, there it is.
SARAH: It was created in order to demonstrate that sexuality does not fit into two strict categories.
KAYLA: Oh…
SARAH: Instead he believed that sexuality is fluid and subject to change over time.
KAYLA: So it was…
SARAH: He meant well
KAYLA: It was well-intentioned. That's just the problem with… I mean, it's a problem… is he a psychologist?
SARAH: Um, I… I'm guessing.
KAYLA: It seems like a very psychologist thing to do.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because I think the problem with a lot of like personality tests like the Myers-Briggs, which isn't true and is fake and I could do a whole episode about it, but like the Enneagram and just any type of like personality scale or test is they're putting something on like a solid scale
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Giving you a number, which like just in life isn't really how anything works.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Like everything is fluid and is going to change throughout time or like might change depending on the context. So like, you know, having a specific number or rating isn't great.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So it sounds like he meant well, but then when you just put a number on it…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And then a label, it's still, you know.
SARAH: And I can't… I mean, to be fair, the reports that he wrote that this is based off of were released in 1948 and 1953.
KAYLA: So he was ahead of his time.
SARAH: So he was ahead of the curve.
KAYLA: And so did he make the scale or just made some books that then people made the scale off of? Is this his fault? Should I be mad at Alfred? We don't know. If any of you know?
SARAH: Yes. No, he used the Kinsey scale.
KAYLA: Okay, well, that's unfortunate. But he…
SARAH: But I think at the time…
KAYLA: For the time.
SARAH: That was a huge step forward in terms of…
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Referring to sexuality as like fluid and that sort of thing.
KAYLA: I respect that.
SARAH: The concept of asexuality as we know it today did not exist at that point.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: And so with the Kinsey scale, it's zero through six and then X. And X is no sociosexual contacts or reactions.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Now when I took the Kinsey scale for the first time, when I was a freshman in college and a tiny baby who didn't totally understand my sexuality.
KAYLA: But you were about to get there.
SARAH: Do you want… is there something you want to say before that?
KAYLA: No, no, I'm saying you were about in your life.
SARAH: Oh, okay.
KAYLA: You were months away from understanding your sexuality.
SARAH: Yes. I wasn't that far away, but like I was still in like the questioning phase.
KAYLA: Yeah, yeah.
SARAH: And when I took my family after my grandmother's funeral…
KAYLA: Well because you all… their head canon is that your grandma was bi.
SARAH: Well that's what one of my relatives thinks. Anything could be the truth.
KAYLA: But based on how gay your family is, no one would be surprised
SARAH: Yeah, my family has a lot of queer folks in it. And so we were all just taking the test.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And the website that I took it on, instead of saying that X is no sociosexual context or reactions, it just told me that I failed. Which is, and I was like…
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: Oh, cool. I don't remember if I've ever taken the Kinsey scale. So maybe we should… I mean I want to take this asexuality quiz that we found. I think we should also take the Kinsey scale because it would be interesting.
KAYLA: I mean, I know what I'm going to get, so I think you should take the Kinsey scale.
SARAH: Well, I think it's also… if no one… if people are listening that have never heard of it or taken it, it would be interesting to hear the questions and just hear us go through it.
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: I think you should take the Kinsey scale, but I don't know if there's a need for me to do it.
KAYLA: Okay, I mean, alright, let me look it up.
SARAH: Because it's just going to tell me that I'm X.
KAYLA: So we'll do this first, because I think this is like the one that's most known. Wait, oh, there's a Drunk History video of how the Kinsey scale was created.
SARAH: Shit
KAYLA: We should have done our research on this one.
SARAH: We should have… Wait, okay, hold on. I'm on the Wikipedia page, so you know it's super reliable.
KAYLA: I mean, it probably is.
SARAH: It says, I mean, there are two citations here. So it says, although the additional X grade used to mean no sociosexual context or reactions, it is today described as asexuality, Scholar Justin J. Lehmiller stated, “the Kinsey X classification emphasized a lack of sexual behavior, whereas the modern definition of asexuality emphasizes a lack of sexual attraction. As such, the Kinsey Scale may not be sufficient for accurate classification of asexuality”
KAYLA: Mm, interesting
SARAH: Shout out to Justin J. Lehmiller
KAYLA: I wonder if that's the guy that's on Drunk History. We should watch it at some point.
SARAH: I don't know, but he wrote this in 2017.
KAYLA: Alright, so I found one, as Kinsey skill test on IDRLabs.com.
SARAH: Let me see the website. That's not where… it's… okay.
KAYLA: Should I…
SARAH: No, it's fine. It doesn't matter.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: They're all the same.
KAYLA: The Kinsey team, okay, so this is… I think this is a little bit about how it was developed.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: So it’s just saying it was made by these people. The Kinsey team interviewed thousands of people about their sexual histories. Research showed that sexual behavior, thoughts, and feelings toward the same or opposite sex were not always consistent across time. So the question one, and tell me if these questions sound wrong and I'll find a different one. To whom are you attracted? Both men and women, mostly people of the opposite sex from mine, mostly people from the same sex as mine, only people of the opposite sex from mine, and only people of the same sex as mine. Does that sound like it?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay. So I would say…
SARAH: It is assuming that gender is binary. But honestly, for mid-1900s…
KAYLA: 40s pretty…
SARAH: That is some good shit.
KAYLA: If this was made now, I'd be upset.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But we can get into that later.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So I would say I only attract people of the opposite sex from mine. Who have you had sex with? It's the same, or no, so both men and women, both men and women, but I prefer people of the opposite sex, both men and women, but I prefer people of the same sex, only opposite sex, or only same sex. So only opposite sex. Who have you had sexual fantasies about?
SARAH: What does that mean? You're asking an ace bitch.
KAYLA: That doesn't mean you don't know the definition of a word. What is a sexual fantasy?
SARAH: What do you mean, what is a sexual fantasy?
KAYLA: I don't know. I mean, I'll say only people of the opposite sex because I think that's true of...
SARAH: I mean, if you're a demi, that would make sense.
KAYLA: I don't... I was talking to someone about this the other day. I don't think I've ever had a sex dream. I've heard those happen a lot.
SARAH: Yeah, apparently people have those. I don't know.
KAYLA: I don't think I have had one that I remember. Anyway, I'll say only people of the opposite sex.
SARAH: Well, it doesn't have to necessarily just mean a sex dream but yeah…
KAYLA: Well, no, but as a demi person, I think… I've talked to other people before too of like, sometimes I see a random attractive person and I imagine myself doing stuff with them and I'm like, hello, what?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like, I've never...
SARAH: Yeah. Who are you?
KAYLA: Like I've had sexual thoughts about my partners, which are always of the opposite sex.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: My demi-heart is so confused. To whom do you form strong emotional bonds? That's the same question, so...
SARAH: But it doesn't specify romantic bonds.
KAYLA: It doesn't. Aha. So how should I answer this?
SARAH: It doesn't specify romantic or sexual bonds. I think it's implied that that's what it means.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's what I assumed it meant, but how should I answer what I think it is asking?
[00:10:00.00]
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Alright, so I'd say opposite sex. I do have strong emotional bonds to women. I promise, just not like that. Who do you feel most comfortable socializing with? That's the same question. I would say I feel most comfortable socializing with other women.
SARAH: Yeah, me too. But I think as I've gotten older... it's weird though because I think I mentioned this on the pod before. When I was in like first grade, all of my friends were guys. And then I had no male friends until high school. And now I have more female friends than male friends, but I do have more male friends now. And I'm like, I've gotten used to it. I've gotten better at being friends with guys.
KAYLA: I have never had many male friends. I didn't really grow up with any like in elementary and middle school. I had like one closer one and just other guys that I was kind of friends with. Even now I don't think I have that many guy friends that are close. I have a couple really close ones, but like definitely more female friends.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So who do I feel more... so if this is asking about socializing, should I go back?
SARAH: Use your interpretation
KAYLA: See this is... ugh.
SARAH: I mean, it's just they didn't have the same view of sexuality. I mean, this caused a huge change in the view of sexuality. So they totally did not have the same view we have of it now. And it's also like when it's saying bonds, it's like, are you talking about like sexual shit? Are you talking about romantic shit? Because people have different sexual and romantic orientations. Blah blah blah blah.
KAYLA: That's why it's so hard to take now because it's...
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: So I said, who do you feel most comfortable socializing with? I said mostly people with the same sex as mine. The idea of having sex with someone of the opposite sex from mine is desirable, interesting, tolerable, negative, disgusting. The idea of it. I mean, I want to say interesting just because like it's not something that I necessarily want. But it sounds like an interesting experience.
SARAH: I mean, I think that would make sense. Because it just…
KAYLA: I mean, I don't have any like set plans to do it.
SARAH: Wait, wait, what was the question?
KAYLA: The idea of having sex with someone from the opposite… that's the opposite sex. Wait, oh.
SARAH: Yeah, you misunderstood that.
KAYLA: I misunderstood. Okay, this idea, okay, this is so hard though. The idea of having sex with someone of the opposite sex from mine is desirable, interesting, tolerable, negative, disgusting. Because it depends on who it is.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So I think I would also have to say interesting because to me it depends. For some people it's desirable. For other people it's like no, thank you.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So I think I'll just put interesting because it depends. And then someone who is the same sex as mine. See, for this I would also put interesting but for a different reason.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Because I think…
SARAH: Interesting is a vague descriptor.
KAYLA: Yeah, because like I don't have any set plans to have sex with someone of the same… another woman. I don't see it as something that's going to happen. But it seems like an interesting experience. It could be a good time if it happens. [laughter] I don't have plans, but you know. I mean I'm not going to say like never in my life. I don't know what's going to happen.
SARAH: Sexuality is fluid.
KAYLA: Alright, so I’ve finished.
SARAH: Thant’s the whole point
KAYLA: Your results, I am a one. So, heterosexual incidental homosexual tendencies. So I'm hetero with incidental homosexual tendencies. It does not explain what that means.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: So I would say that's pretty accurate.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: For where I see my heterosexuality, it's like pretty far to the hetero side.
SARAH: Yeah. Well, and when I took this too, when it was like, oh you failed. I was like, um, what? And so, my cousin had taken it and it said she failed, but then she realized that she had accidentally said that she had no attraction, like whatever. And so then I was like, oh, that's what did me in. So I clicked something else on that, but then it was very hard to answer the rest of the questions because it was like, I just don't have attraction in this way. So like, I'm just guessing at what I think it would be. But I mean, that's basically impossible.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean there's no… looking at the options it gave me, there was no options for like, neither.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So it does make it difficult because there was options for both, but yeah, there was no option for like, I don't really want to…
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Well, that's it, I guess I'm a one.
SARAH: So that's the Kinsey Scale. The Kinsey Scale was very… it was one of the first, the things of its type.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: And I think it did help a lot in terms of like, sexuality is fluid. It's just, it's now, we now view it as more fluid than Kinsey ever could have imagined.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think for its time it was great, using it now isn't, I don't think especially helpful because it leaves out a lot.
SARAH: Yeah. And as our friend Justin J. Lehmiller said, it's not the best descriptor of asexuality because it's, it doesn't encompass all of the nuance of asexuality.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It doesn't encompass the nuance of most things to be fair.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't think it encompasses the nuance of bisexuality, I don't… yeah.
SARAH: Pansexuality.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah.
SARAH: And it also assumes a gender binary.
KAYLA: Right. Yeah. So it doesn't really leave much of anything. But yeah, so that's the Kinsey scale.
SARAH: That's Kinsey. Hit me with another quiz.
KAYLA: Alright, so this is the one that was actually sent to us by your friend on the Twitter. So I just now, like, I clicked on this page when it was first sent to us and saw this quiz. I just now started kind of like looking at the website it's on and the description of the quiz. So the title of the article or quiz or whatever is, Are You Asexual? Take the Test. And then it says, Do you lack feelings of sexual attraction toward others? Is your sex drive very low?
SARAH: That's not the same.
KAYLA: You hold a sentence, you may asexual. Take our free asexuality test to discover your unique percentage score.
SARAH: Percentage, oof.
KAYLA: So I then looked at the rest of this website because I was like, what is this? It is, so it, let me look.
SARAH: Can you send it to me?
KAYLA: It's called lonerwolf.com. Also the link to the quiz is in the ideas doc.
SARAH: Oh, is it? Okay.
KAYLA: Alright, so basically this website is lonerwolf.com, where this quiz is, but the website in general is like a spirituality blog, which is to me upsetting as someone who has like recently got more into spirituality, and I found some good blogs, if anyone is interested. But so it's a lot about spirituality and just like your life path and stuff like that. Where I'm assuming this quiz was under, so they have like a tab that's like topics, and there's body, heart, mind, soul, spirit. And under the body tab there's articles about like your instincts, there's one about how to be sensual, increasing your sexual confidence, muscle tension, yoga, your chakras.
SARAH: Here, I'm looking at like just the front page of this quiz, and it's like, you might also enjoy, can I read you what we might also enjoy?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Are you aroused by intelligence? Free sapiosexual test. Do you struggle to feel attracted to others? Free demisexual test. That's not what demi means.
KAYLA: Okay, mark that one though, because we're going to come back to that for sure.
SARAH: Is your sexual orientation complicated? Free pansexual test.
KAYLA: So, let me, hold on, let me go to their about page, because it does, I started reading it, but it's, this page is by two, I think they're a married or together couple, they were, after uniting on 11… oh see, I hate this, because I am very interested in this stuff now, but these are people now that I don't believe and they're making things look stupid, and it's upsetting me. So don't take these people's website as like, you know, just don't.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, let's, I'm reading about the woman, I just want to know if she's queer or not.
SARAH: Mm-hmm. I'm just like reading some of the comments on this quiz, and this person was basically just like, here is my story, I don't know what my sexual orientation is, because she was in a bad relationship, and since then she hasn't been sexually attracted to people. And the woman answers, and she's like, I'm not a professional, but, and then two paragraphs of shit. And they go, question, do I want to touch his or her private parts? If the answer is yes, then you are sexual, if the answer is no, you are asexual. But that is…it’s just not that simple.
KAYLA: It's just not how it works. So, it looks like this quiz was written by the woman, so I just briefly scanned the about page, and it was about the woman and the man that run this. Neither of them, so they've had descriptions, and they talk about their childhoods, and they had a lot of other facts about them. So it looks like the woman is, I don't know if she has any sort of degree, she is interested in psychology. Neither of them have listed on there their sexualities.
SARAH: You know what you have?
KAYLA: A degree
SARAH: In psychology
KAYLA: By the time you're listening… By the time you're reading this … By the time you're listening to this, I do have a degree in psychology, and perhaps more qualified than this woman. Well, I am more qualified than her in several ways already, I know. But anyway, so I don't know if they are. But that
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Alright. so how about… do you want to just take the quiz?
[00:20:00.00]
SARAH: Take the quiz? Okay. The first question is, I don't think about, or you don't think about sex at all. Agree, disagree, or only sometimes. That is, first of all, the wording of this question. You don't think about sex at all, only sometimes. Only sometimes I don't think about it? Hello?
KAYLA: Here's the thing. Here's the shenanigans. I think those answers are like, I know they have an only sometimes as like an in-between, but what if it's like, I pretty much never think about sex, but I live in a world where it's going to come up. You know?
SARAH: Yeah. There's no nuance available.
KAYLA: There's no nuance.
SARAH: So like, I mean I guess I would say agree. I… but… I… I… it's… you know?
SARAH: Yeah,
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: Like I… I'm… I fall closest to agree.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But that's… that's not where I… my actual… actual answer would land
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean I would say I fall closest to I disagree, however for me it does depend on whether I'm in a relationship at the time. Yeah. So.
SARAH: You're aware of how differently you perceive sex than most people? Uh. But it's not about how I perceive sex, it's about whether I want to do it.
KAYLA: I would… I do think that you do perceive sex differently though because you… most people perceive it as very important. And you do not.
SARAH: That's fair.
KAYLA: That's how I read that question.
SARAH: Yeah, then I guess I agree. But it's asking if I'm aware of that, so would I say kind of? Because it's asking about my awareness of how I perceive sex differently.
KAYLA: I mean I don't know.
SARAH: I'm going to say I agree.
KAYLA: I'm going to say kind of.
SARAH: You think about sex in a very scientific and clinical way without experiencing erotic feelings. yeah
KAYLA: I would say I disagree because I do experience erotic feelings.
SARAH: I hate that.
KAYLA: Yeah. I don't like that word.
SARAH: I mean I don't really think about it in a scientific or a clinical way either.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know what they're trying to get at with that.
SARAH: You don't really know whether you're straight, gay, lesbian, or bisexual. Well, what if I know that I'm ace?
KAYLA: Well then you'd say disagree.
SARAH: I disagree because I do know that I'm none of those things.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: When you see naked bodies, they don't arouse any sexual desires within you? That's very true.
KAYLA: See this one for me, I have to say only sometimes because it depends on if I'm emotionally attached to that naked body.
SARAH: I... Listen.
KAYLA: I'd say only sometimes I guess.
SARAH: I wholeheartedly agree. I don't ever want to see a dick. Ever. I hate it.
KAYLA: I saw a vagina on Twitter today and was displeased by it.
SARAH: Yeah, it's not good.
KAYLA: Yeah. Also, I've seen like several dicks on Twitter and I thought Twitter was not allowing that, but I've seen...
SARAH: Twitter allows a lot of things these days Kayla, Nazis, dick, dicks who are Nazis
KAYLA: A good one.
SARAH: Thank you.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay, this next question it doesn't make sense. It says you don't like masturbating. And if you do, you don't fantasize about naked bodies when you do it.
KAYLA: There is literally… There is two questions
SARAH: There is two different questions
KAYLA: When I took a class in my psychology major about writing survey questions, we specifically talked about not doing this in my class. I am more qualified than this woman, confirmed.
SARAH: I don't know what... I mean, I... there's... I...
KAYLA: How do you answer these two questions?
SARAH: I mean, I guess. I feel like the answer would... I... I... I mean, I guess I feel like the answer would probably be the same for both questions for most people.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But it's still two questions.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, I think they probably go together often.
SARAH: Yeah. Okay. Alright. Alright. You feel that physical attraction has nothing to do with love? Ah, but I... I... This one... all of them have like, disagree, agree, and then like, I don't know or I’m not sure.
KAYLA: And this one doesn’t
SARAH: And this one just straight up doesn't.
KAYLA: And this is the one I would probably like to answer not sure.
SARAH: I would probably put not sure. I mean, I think... I mean, if we're talking about romantic love… I think I disagree. Because... I think there has to be some sort of physical attraction if you're talking about romantic sexual love. It doesn't necessarily have to be that it was like, lust at first sight.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I... it seems to me that that would probably be the case.
KAYLA: I... yeah, I think I would disagree too because even as a demisexual person, where like, personality matters a lot to me, and does influence how I see someone's physical body a lot, like, I still find... like, when I was using Tinder, like, I was using faces, and I knew very well. And I have a type, ask Sarah
SARAH: Kayla you have a type.
KAYLA: If you look at my past three boyfriends, they look the same. I mean, the current one looks better. [laughter] But like, they look the same. So like
SARAH: Yeah, I'd have to disagree because I do think...
KAYLA: Yeah I disagree.
SARAH: You never... okay. This question says, you never initiate sex. Agree, disagree, only sometimes. It has never in the question
KAYLA: I only sometimes never initiate sex. Oh boy.
SARAH: I mean, yeah. You find sex scenes in movies or books to be unnecessary or boring. Here's the thing. I… It depends on the plot. I can find them uncomfortable. That doesn't mean I think that they're unnecessary or boring.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I mean, obviously Fifty Shades of Grey is not my cup of tea.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But if it's like a...
KAYLA: I'm trying to think of any book I've read recently where there's like a sex scene.
SARAH: Well, like, I mean, like…
KAYLA: I can’t think of any
SARAH: I have in my day… I haven't read fanfiction in a really long time.
KAYLA: Me neither. But I've read smut. Just for smut's sake.
SARAH: Yeah, like, I have read fanfiction that includes Smut and I have been totally unfazed by it.
KAYLA: Yeah. Like, I've definitely read fanfiction that is like just smut. And I was like, this seems like an interesting plot.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Or so...Like. I would disagree.
SARAH: I would say it's not that I find them unnecessarily boring, it's that I can just... They can make me uncomfortable.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: But that's like the extent of it. So, I guess I disagree.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: You've often had to fake an interest in sex for the sake of a conversation. I just refuse to do that.
KAYLA: I disagree. I scored...
SARAH: I scored 50 points or above, meaning that you're likely an asexual.
KAYLA: Did you get a number that says you scored something?
SARAH: It says 50 points or above. Oh, you scored 60.
KAYLA: So, Sarah scored a 60, I scored a 10. And it says you received a score below 50, meaning you're probably not asexual.
SARAH: I'm only 60% ace, guys.
KAYLA: Interesting. So, this does say, now there's links to, why not take another test? Are you demisexual, are you sapiosexual, are you pansexual? So, I want to take the demisexual one.
SARAH: I want to take the demisexual one just to see
KAYLA: Just so you know. Do you often think of yourself as asexual, yet occasionally feel sexual attraction to people close to you? If so, you may be a demisexual. I mean, that's not...
SARAH: Eh.
KAYLA: That's not bad. Explore your inner demons. Go to shop.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: I've never understood the attraction to porn. I'm not at all aroused by it? I've never watched porn. Have we talked about this? I feel like we did in our episode on porn.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I've never watched porn. Never interested it.
SARAH: It seems kind of... yeah.
KAYLA: I've just never had the urge. So I guess I'd say... I mean, I understand... well, here's the problem. I understand the attraction to porn, but I'm not aroused by it. I guess I wouldn't know if I'm aroused by it, but...
SARAH: Then I would say that I agree.
KAYLA: Yeah, okay. I notice that the culture I live in is very sexually charged, so I tend to feel a bit alienated.
SARAH: Why wasn't that in the ace quiz?
KAYLA: I agree. But I would say I agree with this…
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: Because especially on a college campus, I don't participate in a lot of things like other people do. Sometimes I find myself developing sexual attraction in close platonic friendships. For me, no. However, I have heard of this being common in demisexuals.
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: But I've read of other demisexuals being like, oh I have a close friend and all of a sudden now I'm attracted to them. Oh no. I've never had this.
SARAH: Yeah, me neither. But also, I'm not demi.
KAYLA: Well, there you go. So I'd say not really. I'm aesthetically attracted to certain people's faces and bodies, but I'm rarely interested in them sexually.
SARAH: See, I would agree with that for myself, even though I'm not even demi.
KAYLA: Well, I would say yes, because I aesthetically like a lot of people.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I have only been sexually attracted to three people.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I agree.
KAYLA: When I'm in a relationship with someone who I've bonded closely with, it's almost impossible for me to feel sexually attracted to anyone else but them. Yes, obviously. What? These are obvious… This is a much better quiz.
SARAH: This is a much better quiz, but as an ace person…
KAYLA: Maybe…
SARAH: Taking this quiz, I don't know what to answer.
KAYLA: Well, yeah.
SARAH: I mean, I guess I would agree. I don't know.
KAYLA: I'm extremely uncomfortable with sexual advances from other people.
SARAH: I agree.
KAYLA: It depends on the person.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: For some people I am very uncomfortable. For some people I'm like this is a normal thing that we do. Yeah. What do I say?
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: There's only agree and disagree.
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: I would say, I mean, I'm going to say no because I think if I was asexual then the answer would be, well, no, because some asexual people have sex.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But I'm just going to say I disagree because… I don't know.
SARAH: The next one is I've never experienced love at first sight and one of the options is very rarely. So, I very rarely never experienced love at first sight.
KAYLA: I very rarely never experienced love at first sight. I just like… who made this? I just want to talk. I agree. I don't... I agree. I have not
[00:30:00.00]
SARAH: I agree
KAYLA: I fall in love with the inner character of a person after becoming close to them. Their outer qualities are unimportant to me.
SARAH: I mean, I...
KAYLA: See, yes, but also the outer qualities aren't unimportant to me.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: They're just not as important.
SARAH: They're not as important.
KAYLA: Maybe I'll say there's an option where that's usually the case. Because I also have dated some ugly people in my day.
SARAH: Jesus.
KAYLA: They don't listen. Maybe they do. I don't know. I have a libido but I rarely sleep around the thought of having a one night stand makes me feel a bit sick. That's true.
SARAH: What if I don't…
KAYLA: What if I don't have a libido?
SARAH: What if I don't have a libido.
KAYLA: Well, you have a libido. Everyone has a libido. Yours is just a little.
SARAH: Not doing anything.
KAYLA: Not to speak for you, but I think it is. I guess I haven't...
SARAH: Kayla assumes
KAYLA: I guess I haven't asked you about your libido lately, but like...
SARAH: Please don't. Please.
KAYLA: It's extremely rare for me to take any sexual interest in the body of a stranger.
SARAH: Agree.
KAYLA: Agree. I scored a 75.
SARAH: I scored a 90.
KAYLA: No. This isn't right.
SARAH: I'm more demi than I am ace, and I'm more demi than Kayla.
KAYLA: This also... Okay, so we're both apparently demi. Interestingly, though, this has a whole paragraph of explanation where the asexual one did not.
SARAH: The asexual one had a lot of explanation.
KAYLA: I didn't get an explanation.
SARAH: Oh, asexual one has a very long explanation.
KAYLA: Oh, I didn't get it because it said I wasn't one. Apparently, I didn't deserve it.
SARAH: Yeah. That's hilarious to me that it thinks I'm more demi than you.
KAYLA: I mean, technically, though, aren't you more demi than me as an asexual person?
SARAH: I'm just even more selective.
KAYLA: I mean, like, kind of right, though?
SARAH: Yeah, I guess.
KAYLA: Like, on the asexual spectrum.
SARAH: But I think some of the questions I just… I couldn't answer correctly because there were no options that correctly...
KAYLA: I would like to read this description.
SARAH: Do it.
KAYLA: So I think some parts are right and some parts seem not great. As a demisexual... first of all, a demi.
SARAH: Oh, yeah. They were calling them… an asexual too.
KAYLA: Yeah, no. As a demi... I guess... well, I don't know. I don't think they have the right to do that. I can say that. But anyway. You only develop feelings of sexual attraction for a person after developing deep emotional or mental connections with them first. True. This means that you may spontaneously develop feelings or desire for any person in your life of whom you have closely bonded with. I don't think that's true.
SARAH: That's not true.
KAYLA: For me at least, that's not true. I guess I don't know about other people. Otherwise, it's very rare for you to feel an immediate attraction to a person based on looks or personality. Well, it depends on the type of attraction.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I can immediately feel romantic attraction to someone, probably. I don't know. Actually, I don't know. I don't know. I guess I don't know.
SARAH: It's all a mystery.
KAYLA: Hold on. For this reason, you fall into the middle of the asexual and sexual spectrum.
SARAH: The middle?
KAYLA: I would say demisexual is pretty in the middle.
SARAH: Right in the middle though?
KAYLA: I mean nothing is right in the middle.
SARAH: Yeah, it's the same thing.
KAYLA: Except for the middle of the universe.
SARAH: There…
KAYLA: Did I tell you my boyfriend listens to this podcast. Hello.
SARAH: Hi, Dean.
KAYLA: I guess I don't know if you're listening currently. Hi. We were at like a party and he was like, oh, I had something to tell you. And I was like, what? And he thought for forever because he couldn't remember it. And he was like, oh, there's no center of the universe. And I was like, right now?
SARAH: Thank you, Dean.
KAYLA: We had plans to go back later and get a whiteboard and draw it out. But then we were drunk and that didn't happen.
SARAH: Thank you, Dean.
KAYLA: Well, I don't know his current stance because then I got in a lengthy discussion with him about it. So, I don't know if I changed his mind or not. So don’t…
SARAH: You didn't. Thank you, Dean.
KAYLA: Experiencing no primary attraction to people but forming secondary attraction to people you've connected with deeply. I've never heard… What is primary and secondary attraction?
SARAH: What the fuck is that?
KAYLA: I've never heard of this before. As such, it's very rare for you to feel aroused by pornography or to be manipulated by society's use of sex to sell products. Also, it's very uncommon and perhaps impossible for you to cheat or to feel attracted to many different people in your life at one time. I don't agree with any of that.
SARAH: I'm sorry I wasn't listening, but I agree.
KAYLA: It was just saying like you very rarely like porn or like society's use of sex to sell products. I don't know personally. Yeah, but I… you can't say that about everyone.
SARAH: I mean, it's probably common.
KAYLA: Yeah, this also says it's uncommon and perhaps impossible for you to cheat. I don't think that's how it works.
SARAH: I don't think that's how cheating works. Cheating is just a choice that you make.
KAYLA: It's just what you do
SARAH: It's not… like you can be in a relationship with a sheep as well. In a relationship with someone and have feelings for someone else. It also depends on whether it's an open relationship or not. Like there's a lot happening there.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But also, you can have feelings for someone else and not act on it and have that not be technically cheating.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Or you can technically cheat on someone without actually having feelings for the person that you're cheating with.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, just personally, I don't think I'd ever have sex with someone I didn't feel romantically attached to. But I could. My body has the ability to do so. I just don't think I could ever do that.
SARAH: Well, and also, just because you're a Demi it doesn't necessarily mean that you can only be romantically attracted to one person at a time.
KAYLA: Yeah, it did also say that you are probably only attracted to one person at a time. Which…
SARAH: But that's not necessarily true.
KAYLA: No, because you can have multiple crushes at a time.
SARAH: Yeah, you could be in a polyamorous relationship.
KAYLA: There's a lot there. So, I'm… ma'am of lonerwolf.com. You're making me look dumb.
SARAH: Can I read you a part of their thing about asexuality?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Some of them are... some of it is okay. This fun paragraph says, Asexuals embody a wide spectrum of people. They range from flat-out asexuals, with an apostrophe for some reason, who enjoy the companionship and romanticism of being in a relationship, and will leave enough sex to produce a child or please their partner, but not for their own pleasure, as well as those who are completely aromantic. A totally different thing.
KAYLA: Yeah, those are...
SARAH: Those who are completely aromantic, where the thought of intimate physical contact with another person makes them feel ill.
KAYLA: That's not what aromanticism means. Oh boy.
SARAH: Yeah, if I just think of another person having a body, I puke. I get a fever.
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: The only thing that can cure that fever is more cowbell.
KAYLA: Shit, I knew that was coming. I still I am angry.
SARAH: Blah, blah, blah. This is just bad. Also, it's giving like, it's like famous asexuals, but it's like, all of these are, none of them are confirmed because...
KAYLA: Who is it?
SARAH: It's like...
KAYLA: Some of them are confirmed.
SARAH: Nikola Tesla, Isaac Newton...
KAYLA: None of them is… are confirmed
SARAH: Tim Gunn is confirmed.
KAYLA: Tim Gunn is confirmed. So is...
SARAH: Emily Bronte.
KAYLA: Paula Poundstone. If any of you also grew up listening to NPR, Paula Poundstone, a comedian NPR woman, is confirmed asexual, which I learned recently, and it's very exciting to me.
SARAH: That's exciting. But yikes. I just... this upsets me. And like, this... looking at this, it's clearly trying to... to... because they're saying like, asexuals can easily feel isolated, confused, and misunderstood, which is like, yeah, that's true. And like, they're basically, they're trying to validate asexuality, but they're not doing it in the best way.
KAYLA: Yeah, it just like really seems like this person like read a couple of things on AVEN and maybe some shit on Wikipedia that wasn't true...
SARAH: And decided they were an expert.
KAYLA: And was like, I'm just going to... I’m just going to do it.
SARAH: Yeah. Well, I think one of the other questions we got was kind of how we feel about using quizzes to begin with when you're like, questioning.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Here's… here are my thoughts. I think taking quizzes can be helpful when you're questioning.
KAYLA: Also fun.
SARAH: Also have a good time. But I think there are a couple problems with them. One, you should not be using a quiz to determine what your sexuality is.
KAYLA: Yeah. That’s true
SARAH: That needs to be something that you decide on your own and maybe a quiz might help point you in the right direction. But it's not like a Hogwarts house quiz, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Don't take it as gospel. Not that you should take a Hogwarts house quiz as gospel. But it's not the sorting hat. Only the sorting hat is right.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: But there's that. Also, you can't... these quizzes aren't reliably woke, I guess you can say.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, like, sometimes you will get asked questions on these quizzes that are just... they're more binary than the reality is and you don't find yourself... like, none of the options really reflect your experience, which, like, that makes sense because quizzes often they only have so many answer options, which is why I like the ones where it's like, you rate it on like a scale. Because then it's like, those are hard, but also…
KAYLA: They're better.
SARAH: They're better
KAYLA: I learned that also in my survey class.
SARAH: Yes. But I think they can be problematic in that sense because they don't... they may not be woke enough, they may not accurately be reflecting what it actually means to be a spec or just to... anything. And so I think they can be helpful, but they should not be making any decisions for you.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think where they probably could be most helpful is your reactions to the questions.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, in the way that we were reading this and being like, I can't really answer that, or like, I would rather answer this way, I think that could tell you more... like, your reactions to the quiz and the questions could probably tell you more than what the actual quiz is going to put out for you.
SARAH: Yeah
[00:40:00.00]
KAYLA: Because I think that...
SARAH: Because this quiz told me that I was 60% ace and 90% demi. And I am not demi, but I am ace.
KAYLA: Right. But I think the way you have reacted to a lot of the questions is telling of what you actually are.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, if as an asexual person I don't know how to answer this, or like, you know, whatever. So, I think, like, to me that's the most useful way you could use it to help you if you're questioning.
SARAH: Yeah. And I think if you are... It could be a good way to learn about new sexualities. Like, if it's like, what's your sexuality? And then it's like, here's all the sexualities that could happen.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like, that could be a way to learn about them.
KAYLA: If it's accurate.
SARAH: If it's accurate.
KAYLA: Yeah. Like, if it's going to be one like this where these people seemingly aren't queer at all.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Then like, not as helpful in teaching you exactly what these things are, but if it was, then yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. So TLDR quizzes?
KAYLA: Eh.
SARAH: Eh.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. Buzzfeed quizzes are a great time though.
KAYLA: I mean, quizzes in general are fun to take.
SARAH: I took some quizzes today about which dog of the golden ratio I was. And the first quiz was an older quiz, so I got Maggie, also known as Schmieg, and Schmieg died a of couple weeks ago, and I was very sad.
KAYLA: So you're dead?
SARAH: And thank you. And then I took a more recent one, because they, because Schmieg died, but then they also started fostering a new dog named Riley. And so then there was an updated quiz, and I got, um, I got Jasmine.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: I like the Golden Ratio. I spent a lot of time on their wiki page today. I was… there's a part of their wiki page where it explains how to tell them apart, and I was studying it.
KAYLA: Do we have a… I would like a wiki page where it describes how to keep our voices apart.
SARAH: That's it. Please.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Whoever wants to get on that. For those of you who don't know, the golden ratio is this couple who currently have five golden retrievers. And they're lovely. There was Schmieg…
KAYLA: Did they foster them all?
SARAH: So the… Venk and Hopper, they got as puppies. And then Schmieg, Jasmine, the new one Riley, and Queso were all dogs that they fostered and then ended up adopting. They have fostered a couple other dogs, including Sizzle, who was then adopted by Matt Nelson's mom. Matt Nelson being the We Rate Dogs guy.
KAYLA: I love a crossover.
SARAH: Yes. So, but it's… I follow their Snapchat. It's so lovely. I was reading about the mom today. She's a professor.
KAYLA: How? Does she have the time?
SARAH: And she runs a lot, and so she's… like Hopper and Venk. Venkman, who is named after… Hopper and Venkman are both named after science people. Venkman being named after the guy from Ghostbusters.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: But they're all girls except for Riley. Riley is a boy.
KAYLA: Wow.
SARAH: And he's the first boy they had. Anyway. There's just a lot going on. Sometimes they live in DC, but on holidays they go to the Florida Keys because that's where they're from. Or that's where I think the mom is from. There's an elevator that they use when they're in the Florida Keys. There's a rock that, I can't remember if it's Hopper or Venk. Or is it Queso? One of them really loves this rock and they've named it Dwayne the Rock Johnson.
KAYLA: I hate that.
SARAH: They're truly lovely. They get carrots every day. The older ones are team, um, Roasty because their teeth are old and so they like them to be squishier. Some of them are team Crunch. Venkman is team Chaos.
KAYLA: Why is this… why are we doing this right now?
SARAH: And then on the… on the weekends they get waffles.
KAYLA: That doesn't seem healthy, but okay.
SARAH: Well they like make their own waffles.
KAYLA: Okay. They're dog-approved waffles.
SARAH: Dog waffles
KAYLA: And sometimes if they're out of carrots they have meatballs.
SARAH: I just like don't know why this just happened.
KAYLA: I took a quiz.
SARAH: I know what you did.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: I love them.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: And I got into a real rabbit hole today.
KAYLA: Shocking.
SARAH: A dog hole if you will.
KAYLA: Shocking news, Sarah just got sucked in by the internet. Shocking news.
SARAH: So if you're not familiar with the Golden Ratio check them out.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I had something else and I forgot.
SARAH: What's our poll?
KAYLA: Oh no. Are these good? No and probably no.
SARAH: Well, I feel like I have a… like are quizzes helpful for sexual? But then it's like guess
KAYLA: We don't want to make another bad question just like these quizzes did.
SARAH: Yeah, and it's hard to be like yes and I'm queer because not all queer people necessarily have taken it.
KAYLA: What about like have you ever taken a quiz to help you figure out your sexuality?
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: And then comment below your experience.
SARAH: Should we do it like… No. Okay. Yes and no.
KAYLA: Yes and no.
SARAH: Yes and no.
KAYLA: Please comment in the description box below.
SARAH: Nice. What's your beef of the week? Can I tell you my beef of the week?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: My beef of the week is when you break out right before graduation when you're going to take a bunch of pictures…
KAYLA: I saw that tweet.
SARAH: And also when you're like I'm going to not touch my face so that it heals.
KAYLA: I'm going to not touch my face right now.
SARAH: And then I messed with my face a bunch last night.
KAYLA: I almost didn't wash my face this morning because I was tired and then I remembered your tweet about breaking out before graduation and I was like I'm going to wash my face. I don't want that to be me.
SARAH: I washed my face last night and then I kept touching and I was like messing with it.
KAYLA: That's pretty stupid.
SARAH: I have no self control.
KAYLA: My beef of the week is I didn't know what I was doing with my grad cap and yesterday inspiration struck me, I have been embroidered… I have not been embroidered in a very long time but I got into embroidering over like holiday break like Christmas break. And I was like I know what I'll do. I'll make cute little patches of things that like mean things and I'll put them on my cap. I decided this yesterday. Also yesterday I got long acrylic nails. Now it's hard and I only have until tomorrow to finish this, to Friday to finish this. It's Wednesday right now. Inspiration struck me late. I have big nails. My hands hurt. Goodbye.
SARAH: I knew I wanted to decorate my cap. And I knew that there was a quote I wanted to put on it… They do. But I also didn't want to be a basic bitch and I got super stressed about how I was going to decorate it.
KAYLA: So now you're not decorating it?
SARAH: And I spent a lot of time at Michaels with my sister and I think I know how I'm going to decorate it now because I was brainstorming at work. But I might just panic and return the stuff anyway. I don't know.
KAYLA: So, you might not decorate it at all?
SARAH: Even though I've had a quote chosen for a year.
KAYLA: You should do something. We'll figure it out. When do you... do you have your first one on Thursday?
SARAH: Yeah, but I don't have to wear it till the big house, so
KAYLA: Do you not wear your cap to little ones?
SARAH: It's just a reception. My majors are much smaller than yours. So my graduation stuff, they're just receptions. They're not ceremonies.
KAYLA: Oh, so you don't even...
SARAH: I’m not even technically walking at all
KAYLA: That's weird. Yeah, I guess you're not, weird.
SARAH: Yeah. Okay, cool.
KAYLA: Reminder, livestream.
SARAH: May 17th, 530 Eastern.
KAYLA: I'll also start putting this out now. We haven't met our goal for getting merch on Patreon yet. Our goal is by the time we get like $150 a month pledged to us, we'll work on merch. We're not quite there yet. But I want to start trying to figure stuff out now.
SARAH: I mean, your argument on Patreon is not the strongest.
KAYLA: It just says IDK some merch.
SARAH: IDK some merch. That's not convincing.
KAYLA: I mean, I don't think any of them have ever been convincing. I don't think reading that description is really what gets people, either. I guess I can work on it if you're really mad about it, or you could just do it. So if you're an artist and you have like some ideas and want to, you know… you want to donate some art to maybe some merch.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Or if you have ideas for what merch should be, let us know.
SARAH: Yayee.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: @SoundsFakePod for Everything.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: I get sick of saying all the things.
KAYLA: They're also below.
SARAH: We used to only have a Twitter and an email, so it was much easier.
KAYLA: But all of the links are in the, wherever the description of the podcast is where we you are listening, it's all in there.
SARAH: Yep. If you want to give us money on our Patreon so that we can get merch, you can do that. Our Patreons… our $2 Patreons are Keith McBlayne, Roxanne, Alice is in Space, Anonymous, Quinn Pollock, Nathan Dennison, and Mariah Walter. $5, Jennifer Smart, Asritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finny, Perry Fiero, my Aunt Jeanie, Dee, Benjamin Ibarra, and Megan Rowell. Rowell. Rowell.
KAYLA: New.
SARAH: New. Hello. Welcome to the club. $10. Kevin and Tessa @dirtyunclekevin and @tessa_m_k. Sarah Jones @eternallolly and Arcness who’d like to promote the Trevor Project. $15 Nathaniel White (nathanieljwhitedesigns.com) and Anonymous who would like to promote the end of the semester.
KAYLA: It's over.
SARAH: Yeah, they're promoting the end of it.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: The end.
KAYLA: I mean, that’s… I guess.
SARAH: Some people it's not the end yet, so.
KAYLA: I guess.
SARAH: Thanks for listening. Tune in next Sunday and on May 17th for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And on your eyes on May 17th. And until then, take good care of your cows. Our cow right here is Herbert Haamoooo
SARAH: Muca.
[END OF AUDIO]