Ep 328: Google's Year in Search
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, (I'm Sarah, that's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi-demisexual girl (That's me Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, ‘Google's 2024 Year in Search.’
BOTH: Sounds Fake but Okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: New year, same pod.
SARAH: So true. Nothing has changed.
KAYLA: I guess we're slightly older.
SARAH: That's true of every pod.
KAYLA: Yeah, I guess you're not wrong. We are a little bit older every time.
SARAH: It just keeps happening.
KAYLA: It just keeps happening.
SARAH: You know, as they say, the days start coming and they don't stop coming.
KAYLA: They don't stop coming. And they don’t stop coming.
SARAH: And they don't stop coming. And they don’t stop coming
KAYLA: They do say that, the old proverb.
SARAH: If anyone out there is not familiar with, I know you're all familiar with the smash hit All Star by Smash Mouth, but if you're not familiar with the, ‘They Don't Stop Coming’ version of the song, you should see it.
KAYLA: Listen out. Yeah.
SARAH: It's the whole song up until the first time that they say, you know, ‘they don't stop coming. And you don’t stop…’ And then it's that for the rest of the song over the background music of the song as it proceeds.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: It's very good.
KAYLA: It is very good.
SARAH: We would listen to it at college parties.
KAYLA: We would.
SARAH: Anyway.
KAYLA: We were really cool.
SARAH: Very, very. That fucking Defying Gravity. Pitbull, ‘Fireball.’
KAYLA: You know what's funny?
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: Is speaking of how cool we were in college, I was doing the New York Times crossword yesterday and one of the clues was Quidditch and there was four accompanying clues where the end of the answer was the four different positions of Quidditch.
SARAH: I haven't done it yet.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: I'm going to be so fast at it.
KAYLA: Trust you. And I was pleased and disappointed in myself.
SARAH: I just yesterday, almost three years into this job, did finally expose myself
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: For my Quidditch playing.
KAYLA: It took that long. Wow.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Good for you.
SARAH: Thank you. Anyway, how is everyone?
KAYLA: You good?
SARAH: Are you good? Are you healthy? Are you safe?
KAYLA: I hope you do not have Norovirus, because everyone does.
SARAH: Yeah. Everyone got sick.
KAYLA: Everyone got the Noro.
SARAH: Everyone got so many different sicknesses. I know people who've got basically every sickness over the holidays. I know people who got Noro. I know people who got COVID and they're my parents.
KAYLA: Ha ha ha. But you stayed clean, and that was huge.
SARAH: I stayed clean. I took a COVID test every day
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And I wore that mask in the house and I was so brave. I know people who got the flu and it’s…
KAYLA: It got nasty.
SARAH: Everybody got sick.
KAYLA: Yeah. I hope none of you are sick.
SARAH: I also hope this. Thank you to everyone who has asked about my wellbeing
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Given the fires in Los Angeles, I'm fine. I am a couple of miles from all of them. All of them. Because there are several.
KAYLA: Sarah is in the perfect spot.
SARAH: I'm like in the epicenter.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like I'm in basically the center of all of them, but far enough away from them that I'm fine.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And if I were under an evacuation order, then we would have much bigger problems because it would mean that the entire valley would be on fire.
KAYLA: Yeah. There would be a lot of issues if it gets to you.
SARAH: It would mean that the fire burned through miles and miles of urban sprawl before it got to me.
KAYLA: Yeah. That would be impressive.
SARAH: But yeah. I mean, everyone here knows people who have been… who have had to evacuate. My boss had to evacuate. I know people whose children's schools burned down.
KAYLA: Oh God.
SARAH: Yeah. All sorts of yucky stuff. So, if you're in the greater LA area, I hope you're well as well.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Anything else? Do we have any other housekeeping?
KAYLA: I guess we can just do some reminders
SARAH: Sure
KAYLA: In case people are new, just about things that we've said in passing or like talked about for a while and then just kind of assumed everyone knew. But… we have merch.
SARAH: Uh-huh
KAYLA: For all of this, really, you could go to our website, soundsfakepod.com, but we have merch.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: You can buy that. We have a book and an audio book of that book that we've read.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: You can do that. We have a Discord, which you should join.
SARAH: I gotta water the tree.
KAYLA: Oh, she has to... There's a tree in the Discord that you can water.
SARAH: The watering time is 25 minutes now though, so it's...
KAYLA: That's tough.
SARAH: We're slowing down because like people aren't...
KAYLA: It's getting tall.
SARAH: Yeah. Anyway.
KAYLA: The link to that is always in the description of the episode.
SARAH: Oh, no. Sorry. The sped-up watering time is 25 minutes.
KAYLA: I don't know what that means.
SARAH: When fertilizer is applied, it's 25 minutes
KAYLA: Ah, okay
SARAH: But when fertilizer is not applied, it's more than 25 minutes.
KAYLA: Wow. Things are really happening.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: What else do we have? We have a playlist of songs that are not about love or sex. That's also on our website, and if you ever want to submit ideas for that, you could shoot us an email or a DM.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Sometimes we do listener lore episodes. You can submit your lore.
SARAH: Oh my God. Me and Kayla got married in front of a giraffe.
KAYLA: Yes. It was not the giraffe, but it was a giraffe.
SARAH: Me and Kayla went to the zoo together.
KAYLA: We did. It was very romantic. Also, I never…
SARAH: When we were both in Michigan.
KAYLA: I never messaged you about this, Sarah, but Dean told me that you sent him a picture of our marriage, and then a day later, you sent him something about the Lions or something, and he was like… you sent him something.
SARAH: I did text him twice in a week, which was weird.
KAYLA: Yeah, and he also thought it was weird. He was like, what did I do?
SARAH: I just had things to say.
KAYLA: No, that's fair.
SARAH: The Lions beat the 49ers
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And I wanted…
KAYLA: You wanted him to know about it.
SARAH: I sent him this Spotify song that is entitled, ‘We The Lions.’
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: If you're not familiar, it's a banger.
KAYLA: Yeah, I didn't listen to it
SARAH: Oh, it’s great
KAYLA: But he was concerned for his well-being.
SARAH: Oh, no, he's fine.
KAYLA: He thought you were coming for him.
SARAH: I'm not coming for him. I just, for some reason, felt the need.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: To say, ha ha, your team lost.
KAYLA: Yeah, they did. Go Lions.
SARAH: Go Lions. No, but me and Kayla went to the zoo
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: When we were both in Michigan, and we saw the giraffes, and we got married in front of the giraffes
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And there was a rude woman there.
KAYLA: They kept tapping on, because the giraffes were in their house. They were not… There was one outside, but they were mostly in their house
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And this lady was like tapping on the glass and being rude to the giraffes, and I was like, “who are you?”
SARAH: Like homie is just trying to have a snack right now.
KAYLA: It was a very bizarre energy I was getting from the woman; I was not a fan.
SARAH: Anyway, we got married.
KAYLA: We did. It's true.
SARAH: Okay, let's do a podcast, shall we?
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, to start off 2025, we're going to look back upon 2024 one last time.
SARAH: Hell yeah.
KAYLA: So, every year, I guess I don't know when they started doing this, but every year, Google does their year in search, where they will release the top trending searches in the US for that year. I guess I'm not sure if they do it for other countries.
SARAH: They must. I'm sure like in…
KAYLA: But these are for the US.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, the Instagram account Shit You Should Care About, posted a bunch of different ones. They're kind of grouped into categories. There's like ones that are, “why are blank zodiac signs so dot dot dot?” And for Aries, it's stupid.
SARAH: You're an Aries.
KAYLA: For Taurus, it's attractive. And it is also attractive for Libra. So huge news for us.
SARAH: Hell, yeah, this is one hot fucking podcast.
KAYLA: Hot podcast. But a lot of the topics are about relationships. So, I thought that we could try to answer the top relationship questions.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And give our advice to the people. But first, I am going to make sure my cat stops being annoying.
SARAH: Great.
KAYLA: Are you ready?
SARAH: I've never been more ready for something in at least like an hour.
KAYLA: Specific. Okay, so these are the top 10 relationship, ‘when should’ questions.
SARAH: And you know here, we don't should.
KAYLA: We don't. Oh my God, wait, I didn't even think about that.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, the answer to all of these is going to be…
[00:10:00]
SARAH: Don't.
KAYLA: I don't know. Okay, so the top 10 relationship questions started with “when should...”
SARAH: That's literally why I… that's why I was like, oh, this is such a good idea. Because it's about shoulding and our whole thing is don't shoulding. But we're going to try and have to come up with the answers of when you should, even though you shouldn't should.
KAYLA: Yeah, I had not put that together. I will be honest with you.
SARAH: Great. You oughtn't not should.
KAYLA: You oughtn't.
SARAH: You oughtn't should. Yeah. I gave a double negative.
KAYLA: Yeah. Number one, when should a relationship become exclusive?
SARAH: When you decide.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, okay, my real answer is that there is no real timeline that has to go with that.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: However, I do have a second real answer. Well, I guess… no, I will.
SARAH: If you had asked me 10 years ago, I would have been like, what do you…
KAYLA: Immediate. Immediately.
SARAH: I would have been like, what does that mean? What do you mean exclusive? Aren't you always exclusive?
KAYLA: Yeah, I didn't realize we weren't doing that. My initial reaction to this was… I should not have let this cat in the room.
SARAH: That was your initial reaction?
KAYLA: Yeah, my initial reaction to this, I think is because I saw a meme earlier that this girl was like me when I'm trying to tell my grandma that I've been dating, like I'm dating this guy and it's exclusive, but he's not my boyfriend. And the grandma is obviously confused because what the fuck is that?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, my initial reaction was like…
SARAH: We're going steady, grandma.
KAYLA: Yeah, grandma. So, my initial thought from this question was like that I do think it's a little bit silly when people date exclusively, but do not put the label on it.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I think… don't be nasty like that. You're leaving
SARAH: Nasty girl
KAYLA: Unacceptable behavior, she's stomping on things that are not to be stomped upon.
SARAH: Oh, no.
KAYLA: Anyway, my initial reaction is that I often, unless there are some like extenuating circumstances
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: I think it's a bit silly when people are like, yeah, we're exclusive and we've been dating for like three months or whatever, but he's not my boyfriend. I think that's…
SARAH: Like, what is he then?
KAYLA: Often a little silly.
SARAH: Like what is he to you? How would you describe him? When you're introducing him to someone…
KAYLA: Yeah, who is this man?
SARAH: Do you say this is… like, it's not like, like, oh, we haven't really defined the relationship yet. So, like, I don't really know what to call him. It's like, you have defined the relationship and the relationship was exclusive.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, what do you say this is my exclusive relationship person?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because you can't say partner because that implies a certain level of commitment that you clearly are not about.
KAYLA: Yes, that was my initial reaction, which is completely not what the question was, but is what it made me think of.
SARAH: A relationship should become exclusive at the point at which your grandmother thinks it should.
KAYLA: Oh, so immediately?
SARAH: In like old timey dating ways.
KAYLA: So, like that's after two dates.
SARAH: Yeah, how many dates are people going on before they become exclusive?
KAYLA: A lot, I think sometimes. I don't really know.
SARAH: Am I still 16 and confused?
KAYLA: I will tell you all something right now, I have never dated non-exclusively. Every person I have dated, we went on one date and in my brain, that was it.
SARAH: Did they agree?
KAYLA: I never had any issues.
SARAH: Well…
KAYLA: Except for the French guy I went on one date with, you're right.
SARAH: Oh, no, I wasn't even thinking of him. There's a whole part in the book.
KAYLA: Oh, well, that's an interesting… That's actually… no, but that… again, I did think that, but he did not. And that was the problem.
SARAH: Yeah. Well, he wasn't seeing anyone else.
KAYLA: Not that I knew of, yeah
SARAH: It was just that you wanted it to be more serious. So, it's not that it wasn't exclusive.
KAYLA: Yes. But it never was stated to be exclusive.
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: So, he could have been seeing other people, I don't know.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Anyway, this makes no sense.
SARAH: Maybe he was fucking playing Mario Kart in other people's living rooms.
KAYLA: That whore, I’m just kidding. I think… This is my real answer. I think a relationship should become exclusive at the point which you are expecting the other person to be exclusive or you would become upset if they were not exclusive.
SARAH: If they were not, yeah
KAYLA: Because here's what I tell you I don't like is specifically, especially when a man is like, I'm not going to be exclusive with you. I don't want to put a label on this, but you're not allowed to see anyone else. But I can do whatever I want. Wrong.
SARAH: No, fuck you. Fuck you.
KAYLA: The relationship should become exclusive at the point which you become uncomfortable with the other person seeing other people.
SARAH: We can't be having double standards up in here.
KAYLA: Exactly. And that's my real answer. And I think that's a good answer. Next.
SARAH: Next. When should I take a break from my relationship?
KAYLA: This is interesting because just today I was trying to describe both to Dean and Sarah why people take breaks in relationships.
SARAH: Separately.
KAYLA: As if I'm some sort of expert, never taken a break in a relationship in my life.
SARAH: Yeah. In my mind, it's like, so we were literally talking about this approximately 20 minutes ago.
KAYLA: I literally, we should have saved it. I wasn't aware.
SARAH: So, you take a break, you're on a break from a relationship because you think you might want to break up, but you're not sure. So, like you're test running the breakup?
KAYLA: My best reasoning for a time when I think it would, I would understand someone, a reason I would understand for someone to take a break. Again, I've never taken a break, so I don't know if this is a reason that is real.
SARAH: (Singing) Take a break.
KAYLA: Exactly. The reason in my head I came up with was that say you are in a relationship, especially like a long-term one, and you can't tell if you actually want to be in a relationship with that person or if you've just become comfortable and the thought of leaving them is too scary
SARAH: It is scary, yeah
KAYLA: Because people do get stuck in that, especially long-term.
SARAH: Yeah, you're more afraid of being alone
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Than you are like in love with this person.
KAYLA: Right. So, I could understand it as like a way to explore that feeling and see like, can I sustain my life alone without this person and are the feelings I'm having for them feelings of like needing security or actually like loving them.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And I think maybe a break could help you be like, okay, do I miss them during this break or do I feel like relieved to be done with the relationship?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Again, I don't know.
SARAH: Or if you miss them, do you miss them?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Or do you miss…
KAYLA: Miss being in a relationship
SARAH: The security you felt or just having a partner or yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah. So, I think the answer to the question, “when should I take a break from my relationship?” Is if you are finding yourself questioning whether you should be together, but you are not finding the strength to be alone.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Am I smart?
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Oh, oh
SARAH: When should you start holding hands in a relationship? It depends on your religion.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: It does
KAYLA: I think you should be holding hands with like everyone all the time.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I think friends should be holding hands. So, I think you should be holding hands…
SARAH: Doesn't that get sweaty?
KAYLA: Yeah, sometimes.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: I think you should be holding hands before you start dating because I think holding hands should be platonic as well.
SARAH: But why don't you hold my hand?
KAYLA: Because you wouldn't like it. And I know that about you. And so… In a way, it's me showing my love for you to not hold your hand.
SARAH: Thank you.
KAYLA: You're welcome.
SARAH: Next, when should you ask where the relationship is going? To the grocery store.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: That's where it's going. You're going to the grocery store.
KAYLA: Uh
SARAH: I don't know. If at any point you feel like you don't know. That's when you ask.
KAYLA: When to DTR? I don't know how to answer this because this is not something I was ever good at.
SARAH: Great. Next question.
KAYLA: Oh, okay
SARAH: When should you talk about marriage in a relationship?
KAYLA: Immediately. Just kidding, I also don't know.
SARAH: I think the thing about this is people think about talking about marriage as like, oh, a big step. It's like…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I think healthy relationships, you should be able to like casually talk about marriage
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Without it being a super heavy thing. Like you don't necessarily have to start out by talking about like, oh, my prospective marriage to you, like just like talking about like your thoughts on marriage and like, you know, that sort of thing. So… to make sure you're on the same page before you ever approach the idea of like, what if I married you?
KAYLA: I agree. Because the last thing you would want in a relationship is if you just like don't have those conversations and then you get years into it only to find out that you're… like, one of you never wants to be married in your life. That your like philosophy on marriage is just completely different.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And now you've wasted years of your life.
SARAH: For some reason, a fact I always remember is that John Green, like the author and YouTuber
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
[00:20:00]
SARAH: When he and his wife were like getting married, they were getting married at a Catholic church. And so, the… where they had to get married, they had to do like a program before they got married, like through the church, because they make you do that. And one of the things they did was they asked all of the couples like they had them… they couldn't see each other's answers and they asked them questions like… and the one that I remember was like, do you want to have kids?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And some of them like had the same answer and whatever. But he said that he and his now wife, her name is Sarah. Slay?
KAYLA: Slay
SARAH: She spells it correctly. He and his wife were the only ones who had actually had a conversation about it.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And he was like, what do you mean you're all here not having had a conversation about it? And like, maybe you're lucky in that you do both want 12 kids, or you do both want one kid
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But like, how do you get to this point without having that conversation?
KAYLA: I'll tell you how. It's the relationship escalator. People just…
SARAH: So true
KAYLA: It's… the straight couples, especially you just assume that certain stages are going to happen. And so, you just choose not to have the difficult conversations, because you're just relying on everything...
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: just working out.
SARAH: It's also… That just reminds me of sometimes you see like straight couples online, like openly talking about and joking about like, bargaining and making deals about how many kids they're gonna have.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I'm like, that is so strange to me.
KAYLA: It does not seem like the best way to make such a large deal life decision.
SARAH: No
KAYLA: It's like the Raefarty thing and like bargaining who gets to name the child.
SARAH: Oh, we should give the Raefarty update.
KAYLA: We should
SARAH: There's a Raefarty update, guys. We'll give it at the end.
KAYLA: We'll give it at the end. Yeah.
SARAH: Or it's like, you know, the guy is like, well, I want… I want to… I want more kids.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And then the wife is like, I'm the one who has to have the fucking kids.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And then of course, the dad is probably like, not even gonna be all that helpful raising them.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like he just wants like a soccer team's worth of progeny.
KAYLA: Children. Yeah.
SARAH: So… or it's just, I don't know.
KAYLA: No, I agree with that. Like marriage and kids, I don't think you need to come off strong of like, when we have kids or when we get married. But I think, especially as you get older, I can understand teenagers, you don't have to fucking do that, whatever, you're a child.
SARAH: Right, yeah
KAYLA: But especially as you get older, you don't want to like, emotionally invest a bunch into a person only to realize that your only options are either to settle
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Or like break up a relationship that you've had for however long.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, immediately.
SARAH: And also, like, don't… like, have actual conversations, don't make assumptions.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because like, I… like sometimes I think like, I'm not I don't love kids. Like, I don't love being around kids a lot. I can handle kids. Like my first job, I coached gymnastics to children.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And I think sometimes my mom is like, here's a good example. On my flight back home in December, there was a small child across the aisle from me. And she learned how… she was probably a year old. And the only reason I knew she was a year old was because I asked my mom and I said, given these traits about her, how old do you think she was?
KAYLA: How old is…
SARAH: But one of the flight attendants, she was super cute. Like, as far as babies go, I was like…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Okay, fuck it up. But one of the flight attendants taught her how to give a high five, and she became obsessed with high fives.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so, I gave this child three consecutive high fives, because she was just like, wanted to high five everyone. And my mom was like, see, like, you know, you are good with kids. And I was like, I never said I wasn't good with kids.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I said I didn't want to have kids.
KAYLA: See, that's the thing is I agree. I think that you are good with kids. And the reason I think you're good with kids is because you are a child.
SARAH: So true.
KAYLA: Sometimes. But that does not mean you should raise a child.
SARAH: Yeah. Like, I remember one time when I was coaching gymnastics, I had like, it was like a class of four-year-olds. And it was like… it was like a… it was like a day camp thing so we had them all day.
KAYLA: Yuck
SARAH: And there was a set of twins, there was a boy and a girl. And I remember it was like snack time, we were having our break, and we were having snack and the snack was like raisins. And they were… the twins were just like having an issue and I like dealt with it. And like the, and I was like, what? 19? 18? I’m not sure, I don’t know. And like, the other like coach who was there, who was actually my coach when I was that age.
KAYLA: Four?
SARAH: Yeah, she was literally my coach when I was like, two years old. She was like, Oh, yeah, like, good. Like, that was good. Like, you did a good job. And I was like, “Yeah, I know. I'm an expert.” I just after… about an hour, an hour and a half, I like to give them back.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fair.
SARAH: So, anyway
KAYLA: So that's that.
SARAH: When should I start saying, ‘I love you’ in a relationship? Never. Just hold it all in like a Catholic.
KAYLA: Now we're cooking. Um, this is another one that, like, I really don't think there should be a should on that. Because I feel like people think it needs to be after a certain amount of time.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Like, you can't say it too soon. Which I do think too soon exists. Like, okay, I don't think you could say it after one week, perhaps.
SARAH: And it… but it depends on the relationship and on the person.
KAYLA: I mean, if it's mutual, then… I guess
SARAH: Because if you're like, two weeks in a relationship, and you're like, oh, shit, like, I think I love this person.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But if you know that saying that is going to spook them, it's too soon.
KAYLA: Right. Like you need to be… Yeah, because like, I have a friend who started dating someone in… they've maybe been dating for a year now, almost. And I remember like, several months ago, she was like, texted me and was like, you know, I'm like, thinking about saying it to him. Like, I feel it. But like, I'm like, afraid. There's like, the fear won't be like reciprocated, if you will, like, say whatever.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And she was asking for my advice. And I was like, I gotta be honest, like, I cannot give advice about a lot of this stuff. Because I also think it really depends on the stage of life you're in.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Because Dean and I started dating in college.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And I think saying I love you to someone in college when you're a kid is different from if you're like, 28
SARAH: If you're grown
KAYLA: Or 35.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And you're like, really making some moves.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, I was like, I really don't think I could give you advice there, because it felt a lot lower stakes.
SARAH: Mm. Interesting.
KAYLA: In college, if that makes sense.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because things just like, felt less serious, because I didn't feel like a real adult. And I like, didn't actually fully understand the gravity of like…
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And not that I didn't mean it when I said it. I think just like, the older I get, the more I like, understand the risk in saying things like that, if that makes sense
SARAH: How long were you… How long were you together before you started saying it?
KAYLA: It was not long. I would… maybe a month, month and a half.
SARAH: Ew
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: You're weird.
KAYLA: Yeah, but also like, we had known each other.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Before
SARAH: I've just… me, absolutely no fucking way. Like, just as an individual human person.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like, we are just very different people…
KAYLA: It's just like when you know you're not… Ew, gross.
SARAH: Like, I don't say I love you to my family.
KAYLA: Yeah, yeah.
SARAH: Like, they say it to me and then I'm just like, thanks, cool, have a nice day.
KAYLA: Goodbye.
SARAH: No, I said I said it to my sister when I gave a speech at her wedding and I told her it was going to be the last time. It was going to be the only time I was going to say it for about a decade.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So that she should really take it in.
KAYLA: Take it in, yeah. Yeah, I mean, I don't know. Thinking back, I don't know that I would have been so, like, ready to say it that early had I been older.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Just because I think once you have built a full adult life, it is like riskier to get into relationships.
SARAH: Yeah, there's more…
KAYLA: If that makes sense.
SARAH: There's more at play.
KAYLA: There's more, like, emotional vulnerability there.
SARAH: I also just think if you're in college or in high school or in some sort of circumstance where you are meeting a lot of people organically.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like, if a relationship falls apart, it's like, there are always more fish in the sea or whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But the older you get, the more you realize, like, it's hard to meet new people.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, like, you know, it just feels like higher stakes losing…
KAYLA: I think there's more…
SARAH: Losing a relationship.
KAYLA: Yes, there is more fear for better or worse to, like, make the wrong decision or, like, make a wrong move in a relationship and, like, scare someone off. Because I also think people get, like, pickier as they get older. They, like, pick up things that they think are red flags.
[00:30:00]
SARAH: Yeah, they know what they want or need.
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: But I also think that's for that exact same reason there are people who stay in relationships for too long
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Because they're like, I don't have, like, how am I, like, I'm not going to find someone else. I might as well just stick with this person.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Double-edged sword.
KAYLA: So, yeah, I don't know. That one I really can't give advice on because I really do think it depends a lot on like your stage of life and the relationship.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But I think if you know it's going to freak the other person out…
SARAH: Don't.
KAYLA: Probably, probably wait.
SARAH: Don't.
KAYLA: Don't do that.
SARAH: When should a relationship end?
KAYLA: When it's time.
SARAH: When… okay, here's the thing. If… I feel like if one of you wants the relationship to end, like, genuinely wants the relationship to end, it's over.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Like, there's a certain extent of like, oh, like, chasing after them, like, romantic, trying to make it work. But, like, that only works if you know for a fact that the person is, like… if it's like a defense mechanism.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Or, like, there's something else at play.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That's making them be like, no, no, no, I can't do this.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But, like, if a person genuinely wants to break up with you.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It's… your relationship is over. It's a two-way street and you have to be able to go both ways.
KAYLA: 100%. My… I don't think I've ever talked about this on the podcast because I think it took me, like, a long time to realize it. But my first college relationship, we, like… there was a point where we almost broke up. Like, he wanted to break up and I was like, what the fuck? Like, I freaked out. I was like, what the fuck? And so, we didn't. And then it, like, never came up again. And then…
SARAH: Was I aware of that when it happened?
KAYLA: I don't think so.
SARAH: I don't think so either, because this isn't ringing a bell for me.
KAYLA: No, it was, like, very… because I, like, fully had a panic attack. I, like, freaked. I freaked.
SARAH: Kayla classic, a classic.
KAYLA: No, I really can’t tell you. No, I, like, fully, I, like, flipped the fuck out. Which, like, looking back on it, I'm like, that put him in a really tough position.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: The fact that I, like, had a mental breakdown. Not that I did it on purpose to, like, guilt him into staying. But looking back, I'm like, I truly do feel bad for him because that's a tough position to be put in.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Anyway. But yeah, I mean, there was no coming back from that.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Like, he had, he clearly had been thinking about it and wanted to. And at that point, like, what are you gonna…
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: You're only making it harder for both of you by dragging him out.
KAYLA: Right. It's only, like, a prolonged thing. Unless, like, I think you're correct. Unless there are, like, some other factors at play.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: But yeah, if someone, like, truly wants it over, I don't, I, like, I don't know that there's, like, an amount of convincing that can be done.
SARAH: Yeah. This next one is phrased in such a specific way.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And I'm just… I find it entertaining. When should you give the first kiss?
KAYLA: Ew.
SARAH: Give. Give.
KAYLA: When should you give? Um, ew. Is it, do you think it's supposed to say, when should you have?
SARAH: When…
KAYLA: But it's the top searched thing.
SARAH: Yeah, that's why I'm confused by the phrasing.
KAYLA: Do you think it means…
SARAH: Is this in… is this, like, another, in other dialects of English, is that something that they say more?
KAYLA: I'm trying to decide if this means your first kiss ever in life or like the first kiss in…
SARAH: I think in a relationship.
KAYLA: In a relationship, okay.
SARAH: I don't know, whenever you feel like it, and it seems like they also feel like it.
KAYLA: Yeah, I… there's… I feel like there's a lot of different philosophies of, like, people will be like, I never kiss on the first date, and other people are like, I always kiss on the first date, because I gotta, like, see what the vibes are.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don't think I… not true, never mind.
SARAH: Where were we going with it?
KAYLA: I was gonna… I was like, I don't think I've ever kissed anyone on the first date, but Dean and I kissed on our first date, but again, we had known each other, so
SARAH: You'd known each other.
KAYLA: We had been talking, as it were.
SARAH: Talking.
KAYLA: So, I don't know what to say about that one.
SARAH: Yeah, also, like, some people's relationships start as, like, a physical thing, and then becomes, like, romance, so it's like, well, you've already fucking done that.
KAYLA: What’s to say if you've already done the kiss, so.
SARAH: Been there.
KAYLA: What’s to say?
SARAH: When should you talk about finances in a relationship?
KAYLA: Oh, that's interesting. I think this is…
SARAH: It depends on how old you are
KAYLA: Yeah, if you’re in like high school, what the fuck?
SARAH: And in what stage of your lives you're in.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think that's true. I think this is another one, though, that people just, like, assume it's all gonna be fine, and it's not
SARAH: And it’s not
KAYLA: Because what you have to know is that when you get married, you share debt now
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And I feel like people don't really know that, and that could get you in a lot of trouble.
SARAH: And, like, there are people who all of their money is combined, there are people who none of their money is combined, which I kind of am like, how does that even work? Because, like you…
KAYLA: If you share a house or something, yeah
SARAH: If you live together, if you, like, then it's, like…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I just… It’s confusing
KAYLA: But now that's another thing is, like, the philosophy, like, what is your philosophy on money?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Especially if there's, like, a large disparity between one person makes a lot of money, and one person does not, like, how are you equitably splitting costs?
SARAH: Like, is 80% of your money shared, and then you have your own separate stuff that you can do whatever the fuck you want with? Like…
KAYLA: Because people have different philosophies about that, too, of, like, it's my money, I can spend it on whatever I want, or, like, we are joint saving for something together, so I'm gonna run big purchases by you, even if it's with my money.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like…
SARAH: Moving in together, are you splitting rent half and half? If it's a fucking mortgage, dear God, I hope you've had more discussions.
KAYLA: I hope so.
SARAH: But, like, what's the deal there?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I know someone who was in a relationship, that was, like, a long-term serious relationship where they lived together, and for financial reasons, one of them had a well-paying job, one of them was still a student. They did not split rent evenly.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And then they broke up.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And the person who paid less in rent was, like, I guess I have to move out.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because I pay less in rent, this is your apartment now.
KAYLA: And also, like, they probably couldn't afford it on their own if they were paying less in rent.
SARAH: Yeah. But it's just, like, do you think about things like that?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Like, I know you don't want to think about, like, well, what if we broke up?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But, like, you know, you have to be prepared.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: When should you talk about the future in a relationship?
KAYLA: Immediately. Probably not immediately, you don't want to freak someone out.
SARAH: Well, the future could be, like, five minutes from now. Like, what do you want to get for dinner?
KAYLA: I think it is important to talk about your individual future immediately.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Like, hopes and dreams to see if your visions for the future are compatible.
SARAH: And this goes hand in hand with the whole, like, ‘do you want kids?’ thing.
KAYLA: Yes. I don't think you need to talk about your joint future
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Immediately, that's a little scary. However, I will say, I don't think it should be immediately. Because if I went on a first date with someone and they immediately were like, I want to have 10 children, I would be like, I just met you, that's none of my business.
SARAH: Yeah. Also, I don't, so.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: If you're really married to that, then this isn't gonna work.
KAYLA: Yeah. So, I do think there's a delicate balance. I don't think you can, like, go super hard on the first date when you're just first meeting someone. But I do think that those are things that you should discuss before you become, like, uber serious.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Or else what are we doing?
SARAH: Okay, those were all the shoulds but there are some other ones that I think we should get to quickfire that are, like, related later in the thing.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Talking about sex before the first date.
KAYLA: Before the first date?
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Talking about sex before the first date, what does that mean?
SARAH: It's just like, I think it's the question of, like, should you? How should you? You know.
KAYLA: This is an excellent question that I wish I knew the answer to, because I think one of the main things that caused me so much anxiety when dating was wondering what the expectation vis-a-vis sex was of, like, are you expecting us to have sex immediately? When are you expecting that to happen? And I wish that I knew the way to, like, correctly be like, what are you? What are what?
SARAH: I think that also speaks to you being, like, one date we're exclusive. Like, you're thinking ahead.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Like, your anxiety is making you think further ahead than other people might be.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: So, like, the person that you're dating might not even be thinking about that at all yet.
KAYLA: Oh, probably. I'm very mentally unwell.
SARAH: Hey, hey!
KAYLA: I think it also speaks to my demi-ness because I think if you are not demi, you're probably just, like, open to, like, whatever happens.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Whereas the reason I was anxious about it was because I knew, if they propositioned, I was going to be uncomfortable.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Whereas, like, if I had been open to it of, like, oh, well, if I like them, then maybe.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Or, like, you know, then I would not have been thinking about it so hard. But I was, like, worried about having to, like, yeah.
SARAH: How often to text after a first date?
KAYLA: How often?
SARAH: Yes. Just spam. Just spam them.
KAYLA: A lot.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: Just send them so many TikToks. Be like, oh my God, we're about to lose TikTok, here's a bunch of them, watch them right now.
KAYLA: A bunch, just to save. Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah, don't be weird or creepy, but, like, you know, whatever.
KAYLA: I also… I can't answer that because when you're young, you text all the time and that's normal.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: But I think as an adult, it's not normal to text as much, maybe.
SARAH: Yeah, it also just depends on, like, how often do you see each other in person?
KAYLA: No, that’s true
SARAH: What are you texting about? Like, are you texting about, like, nothing?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Are you texting about, like, here's this stupid fucking video I saw, you need to watch it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like, you know, my coworker today actually was, like, hey, how many messages, like, message notifications do you have per week? And I was, like, what are you talking about? And if you go in your screen time, if you have an iPhone, if you go in your screen time, you can see how many message notifications you get per day, per week.
KAYLA: Now I have to be looking.
SARAH: And mine was, like, like 1300 or something.
KAYLA: A week?
SARAH: Yeah, for, like, a full week. Like, this week when I checked, it was, like, up to this…
KAYLA: How do I find this?
SARAH: Go to screen time. Go to, I don't know, just look for a little bit.
KAYLA: Communication limits? No
SARAH: Okay, ‘screen time’ in your settings, and then you go to, ‘see all app and website activity,’ and then you go to ‘messages.’
KAYLA: Uh-huh
SARAH: So thus far this week I've had 756 notifications.
KAYLA: I've had 370.
SARAH: But me and my coworker, she was saying that, like, she had a fairly similar number to mine, but I guess her therapist and also her husband had way fewer. Like, her husband had, like, 300 something in a week. And she was, like, “what?” And he was, like, “why do you have so many?” And then me and her were just talking about, like, we do text a lot for work. Like, we don't use Slack or we don't use…
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And also, there are times where I will text people for work-related reasons where other people might rely exclusively on email. Like, it's Hollywood, baby, you just shoot them a text. I had to ask an executive for their new email via text
KAYLA: Good
SARAH: Because they weren't answering
KAYLA: Their email
SARAH: Their emails.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, I was, like, there's that level. So, then I looked at, like, over, like, the holiday break when I was not working, and it was, like, in the 700s per week. But then I was, like, also, is that notifications I get or is that total messages I get? Because if you have a text thread open and someone is texting you, you're not going to get notified of those texts because the thread is already open and it's right in front of you.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, I don't know the difference. Anyway, okay, there's a section about relationship definitions that people Googled
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And it's interesting to see which ones were hot topics last year.
KAYLA: Hot.
SARAH: Number one, open relationship. Number two, gaslighting.
KAYLA: Hilarious.
SARAH: Number three, daddy.
KAYLA: I don't know that that's, like, a relationship thing, but okay.
SARAH: It can be a dynamic in a relationship.
KAYLA: I suppose.
SARAH: Number four, harmonious relationship. I don't even know what that means.
KAYLA: I don't know her.
SARAH: Number five, poly relationship.
KAYLA: Work.
SARAH: Number six, cheesy. Okay, what? Number seven, narcissist. I'm assuming that's, like, relationships with people who are narcissists.
KAYLA: Narcissists, yeah.
SARAH: Eight is exclusive, nine is fling, and ten is situationship.
KAYLA: I thought situationship would be higher, I thought we were using that more than fling these days.
SARAH: Maybe people already know what it is.
KAYLA: I suppose
SARAH: Or maybe they're going to TikTok to look it up, you know?
KAYLA: Perhaps.
SARAH: That's all of the relationshipy stuff. The number one top trending food and drink recipe is the Olympic chocolate muffins. Shout out to that motherfucker who loved those chocolate muffins. Anyway.
KAYLA: Can I go back to the notifications really quick?
SARAH: Yes, you can.
KAYLA: So, you can see notifications from, like, how many you get from a lot of different apps.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Including the clock app. Which means I can see how many times I had an alarm go off. Which means you can tell how many times you snoozed in a week.
SARAH: Oh my god. Okay, I’m gonna go to…
KAYLA: Yours is probably insane.
SARAH: Yeah. Okay, I…
KAYLA: I had 46 last week when it should be in the 20s.
SARAH: I fucked up. I didn't set my alarm properly last night because I, like, intentionally went to bed. But then I was doing things on my phone. But I hadn't done the alarms yet and then I fell asleep. And so, then I woke up at 8:40. Your honor, I'm supposed to be at work at 9. Your honor, it takes 30 minutes to get to work. So, I'm gonna… Let me go to last week.
KAYLA: Wow, last week was a tough week on the clock app. Or I guess maybe 40 is normal because that's what I'm tracking towards this week.
SARAH: Okay, last week. Also, I think last week I fell asleep on accident a bunch of times. So, there may be a lot of times where the alarms didn't go off properly. Last week I had 110.
KAYLA: I'm confused how my average is 45-ish per week because I only set an alarm… Well, okay, on Mondays and Fridays I have two alarms.
SARAH: It's currently Wednesday. I only had one alarm go off today, which is the one that always goes off, and I'm at 49.
KAYLA: That is tough. I'm trying to…
SARAH: Oh, and I didn't have any go off on Sunday either, that's just two days-worth of alarms.
KAYLA: I should only… no snoozes, I should only have seven alarms going off a week.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: I have two alarms on Mondays and Fridays and then one alarm Wednesday, Thursday, Friday.
SARAH: Hold on, let me just set my…
KAYLA: So, I get from seven to 45 with my snoozes, that’s not good.
SARAH: Let me set my alarm for tomorrow and count how many I have. Okay…
KAYLA: That can't be right.
SARAH: We'll say that tomorrow I'm waking my wake-up time is seven instead of 6:45 because we're trying to be slightly more realistic and we know that we won't wake up at seven anyway.
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Okay, so the first one is at seven, which means that I have to set an alarm every five minutes after seven until 9:30, which is the point at which I consider myself fucked if I'm not awake.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: So, one, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten, eleven, twelve, thirteen, fourteen, fifteen, sixteen, seventeen, eighteen, nineteen, twenty, twenty-one, twenty-two, twenty-three, twenty-four, twenty-five, twenty-six, twenty-seven, twenty-eight, twenty-nine, thirty, thirty-one.
KAYLA: Do you ever snooze those?
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Or you just turn them off?
SARAH: I just turn them off because I know there's another one coming in five minutes.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Also, once I wake up, I turn the rest of them off.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But like I have as a backup, I have 31
KAYLA: A day
SARAH: On an average day.
KAYLA: That's… I'm very disappointed in myself. How am I getting from seven to 45?
SARAH: Oh, I can't go further back than December 22nd, and like that's when I was home. So, like my alarms won't be right at all.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I'm concerned for myself.
KAYLA: I didn't think I snoozed my alarm that much. But like what's forty-five divided by seven?
SARAH: Oh, no, I just looked at my screen time on my most used app.
KAYLA: The Tink Talk? Or was it a Screw game? Yeah, there you go.
SARAH: Why have I spent six hours and thirty-one minutes thus far this week on the Screw App?
KAYLA: I don’t know
SARAH: To be fair, I multitask a lot. And when there's ads, I will like put it away and let the ad run and do other things.
KAYLA: The game I have been playing, my newest game, which is Royal Kingdom, is at five hours this week so far.
SARAH: Do you save the king?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Oooohh, I get the ads for that
KAYLA: Yes, it's like the sequel to that.
SARAH: Right, it’s the sequel… well, there's Royal Flesh, Royal something and then there's Royal Kingdom.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Yeah, I get the ads.
KAYLA: I'm saving the king
SARAH: Great
KAYLA: From the Dark Kingdom is who you're saving him from.
SARAH: Ooohhh
KAYLA: So
SARAH: Okay, we're going to stop. Kayla, what's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Oh, I feel like we should ask people one of these questions.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Which one?
SARAH: I already closed them.
KAYLA: Okay, we have, when should it be exclusive? When to take a break? When to start holding hands? When to ask where the relationship is going? When should you talk about marriage? When should you say I love you? When should it end? When should you give the kiss?
SARAH: I almost… I kind of want to do like hand-holding and finances because those are like two extremes.
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: And I want to know what people would say.
KAYLA: Okay, we can do this.
SARAH: Okay, slay.
KAYLA: Oh, okay. Speaking of polls.
SARAH: Uh-huh
KAYLA: I am not a New Year's resolution person, but I have a pod-specific news resolution, which is to actually post the polls once again. So, at the very end of last year, I realized that a good solution could be to use the… I forget what the feature is called, but it's like the group chat feature, or it's called like a channel on Instagram.
[00:50:00]
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: So, when you go to our Instagram @SoundsFakePod, you can see there's like underneath our link in our bio, it says episode polls, and it's like 500 and so members. It's like a channel. And it basically works as like kind of a group chat or like a mini-Twitter. But like I can post things and then people can like reply to it. You could also post things.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Anyway, so I'm going to post the polls there because then you can actually see what other people are saying.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: But it's also not so exposed where like everyone that you follow is going to like see your username if you're like worried about your security.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like only people in the group would be like seeing who's replying. So…
SARAH: Slayful. You know, as I've gotten older, I have understood New Year's resolutions more.
KAYLA: Mm, interesting
SARAH: Because you know, like I've always just kind of been a New Year's resolution hater, because I'm like, if you want to make a change, start now, don't fucking wait for the New Year.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I do... I have… in my old age, I have…
KAYLA: She’s so old
SARAH: I do kind of understand like the years go by so fast, right?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: You get old and they just start coming and they don't stop coming.
KAYLA: And they don’t stop coming, they do not.
SARAH: And a New Year does kind of force you to be like, oh, time has passed.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like it does force you to evaluate in a way that I think when I was younger, it didn't. Because it was just like…
KAYLA: I think that is fair. It is a reminder of like, it's time to get your shit together.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And that doesn't mean it's always going to work, but.
SARAH: Yeah, I walked into the gym the other day.
KAYLA: Oh God, the gym has been unbearable this time.
SARAH: My gym probably has approximately 50 treadmills.
KAYLA: Wow.
SARAH: Every single fucking one of them was in use. There's a woman I keep seeing at the gym, I've seen her… I didn't go to the gym today on account of it's pod-day. But I've been to the gym every other day this week.
KAYLA: Slay?
SARAH: And there's this woman that I see who has had a lot of work done on her face. And she always wears a visor and she wears wedge tennis shoes. Like heels, like wedges.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: Yeah. And she has with her a little stroller with a Pomeranian in it.
KAYLA: They let that in the gym?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I've never seen a dog out of the stroller.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: I have on occasion seen other dogs at the gym.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: I think they just… like all the people that work there are like in their early 20s.
KAYLA: I mean, listen, I wouldn't want to fight with a lady in a visor and wedge sneakers about her Pomeranian, that's a battle I know I'm losing.
SARAH: Yeah. And so, she is just there with her Pomer. And she puts the little stroller next to whatever machine she's using and the Pomeranian sits there. And she exercises. And when I saw her yesterday, she was wearing jorts.
KAYLA: Slay.
SARAH: Like booty short jorts.
KAYLA: How old do you think she is?
SARAH: At least 40 or 45.
KAYLA: Love that.
SARAH: Could be older. She's had work done, so it's…
KAYLA: It's hard to say.
SARAH: It's hard to say. Okay. Raefarty update. We need to give the Raefarty update very quickly.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: There was a Raefarty update. For those of you who have listened to the podcast episode where we talked about Raefarty.
KAYLA: It was the last… It was the second to last episode of 2024.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: The Reddit rabbit hole kids’ edition.
SARAH: Yes. The person wanted to name their child Rafferty, but they wanted to spell it Raefarty.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And they had to be convinced otherwise.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: We got an update because Raefarty was born.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: And the update is on Raefarty's middle name. So, they decided to go for Theodora for the child's first name.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: But the middle name… Oh, shit, first of all, the mother wanted to change the name from Theodora to Theodorable and her husband put his foot down and said absolutely not.
KAYLA: That one really makes me feel…
SARAH: But he did give her carte blanche on the middle name. I guess when it was supposed to be Rafferty, they went with Rose to counterbalance the fact that Rafferty was like different.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But now that Theodora was the ‘normal’ name, and because this person's sister who was the mother just cannot be extra, cannot not be extra. She chose… I'm going to spell this name for you before I say it.
SARAH: Yeah. J-A-C-Z-Y-N-V-I-L. When I first looked at this, I was like, how the fuck do you say that?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And then the person continues, we are not from Florida. My brother-in-law is not from Florida. I don't think my sister has ever been to Florida. And as I was reading this, I said, it's supposed to be pronounced Jacksonville.
KAYLA: Yeah, I didn't get it either. I was like, when did Florida enter the conversation? But…
SARAH: It's supposed to be pronounced Jacksonville.
KAYLA: Jacksonville. Which is like, why are you naming your kid like that?
SARAH: I asked her how she came up with it and she said she's always liked geographical names, which is news to me because I specifically remember a conversation about names months ago when she said that she hated when parents named their kids place names like Camden or Brooklyn, because, ‘they're trying way too hard.’ But you do you, Raefarty's mom. Also, our city has a pretty sizable Polish American population and people will certainly try to pronounce it like it's a Polish last name. But at least its craziness is confined to a middle name and there's no gas or slurs involved.
KAYLA: Can you spell it again for me?
SARAH: It's kind of giving your last name. It's J-A-C-Z-Y-N-V-I-L.
KAYLA: Here's the thing, as I read that and I was like, oh, Polish, yes. And the C-Z-Y, like that's very Polish. I don't know how to pronounce this in a Polish way, that's how fucked up it is. Jakinville.
SARAH: Jakinville.
KAYLA: Jakinville.
SARAH: I don't know, man. Absolutely remarkable.
KAYLA: That's tough. That's a tough one.
SARAH: This woman, she’s baffling.
KAYLA: There's something wrong with her, I hear.
SARAH: I suggested the next child should be named Jax Anvil. Like Anvil, like a weapon?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And then someone in the Discord misread it as Jax Advil, which I think is also good.
KAYLA: That's also strong. Maybe get like a brand deal for your infant
SARAH: Yeah. So, okay. That's that update. Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: My beef is the government, it's bad.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: My other beef is that I have been getting really bad tension headaches the last week and a half. And for a while I was able to use the massage gun I have to like…
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Beat my shoulders up enough to relieve it, but that has not been working. So that has been very uncomfortable. But today I ordered new pillows because I think the pillows might be the culprit. And I scheduled a massage because I was like, I actually can't... Like I almost threw up on the bus this morning and I was like, I can't keep doing this. My juice is the television program ‘The Traitors.’ What an excellent show. I've only watched the first two seasons. Yes, exactly. The host is Alan Cumming, who is so fucking slay. He's so cunty.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And he's Scottish. And the only Scottish word I can say... It's not a Scottish word.
SARAH: Which word?
KAYLA: The only word I could say with the Scottish accent is group.
SARAH: Group.
KAYLA: I've been trying to do the other words, but that's the only one I've got so far, anyway.
SARAH: You know, the other words.
KAYLA: The other words. I've only watched the first two seasons of the US version. Season three just started, so we'll be starting that soon. But I am obsessed with it.
SARAH: Slay
KAYLA: It is so good.
SARAH: Slay
KAYLA: That's it.
SARAH: Beef?
KAYLA: Group.
SARAH: You already said your beef, motherfucker, there's nothing in my brain.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Mine, it's not really a gravy. It's like, I'm going to recommend you a podcast.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And the podcast is Empire City, which is about the history of the NYPD.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: It's a very, very good podcast. It's very well done, but it's beefy because, like, it's the NYPD.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's probably kind of a bummer.
SARAH: Yeah. So that's why it... But it's not gravy because the podcast is really good, and I recommend it.
KAYLA: Yeah, the topic is beefy.
SARAH: Yeah. My... I guess that's my juice. So, my beef is, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I was off my Adderall for like two weeks, that was fun.
KAYLA: Yeah, you back on it? Did you find some while you were on the streets?
SARAH: I got some in Michigan. I had to... Okay, so I had to call like 20 CVSs in California, and none of them had it.
KAYLA: Jesus
SARAH: Hence then I gave up and I was like, I'm going back to Michigan tomorrow anyway. Like fuck this shit. And so, then I was like, I am very lucky that I have an uncle who's not really my uncle who is a doctor and can prescribe medication. And so, I had to say, hey, please, please
KAYLA: Help.
[01:00:00]
SARAH: And he was like, yeah, sure. And so, then I had to call about 10 CVS's. No, 15? 10.
KAYLA: Jesus.
SARAH: I called about 10 CVSs in Michigan before I found one that had Adderall in stock.
KAYLA: That is insane.
SARAH: And so, then I like drove like 15, 20 minutes just north to get to the CVS where I could get Adderall.
KAYLA: This is why when I hear about people doing Adderall recreationally, I want…
SARAH: Where are you getting it?
KAYLA: I'm not one to be super judgy about people doing substances or whatever, but that one grinds my fucking gears.
SARAH: Like I need it.
KAYLA: There are people out there suffering who need this and you're just like partying with it. Like stop.
SARAH: Like I need it to function.
KAYLA: And like it was okay because it was like break and I wasn't really working. So, like I was fine and like I was able to get it in time to go back to work. But like I don't know if I'm going to be able to get it again once I run out of this. So, hee hee.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your... I was going to say you can send me some Adderall, but that is a federal crime.
KAYLA: Don't do that, please.
SARAH: Like my parents... I think my dad was like, well, like what if we just got you Adderall and sent it to you? And I was like, that is a federal crime. And he was like…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Not if they don't know about it.
KAYLA: Well, I mean, it is still a crime. They just wouldn't know about it.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's tough.
SARAH: Well, and the only reason I can get it in Michigan is because I have my uncle, my uncle who can prescribe it because my… you cannot prescribe Adderall out of state.
KAYLA: Oh, interesting.
SARAH: So, because…
KAYLA: You really can't. Yeah, you really couldn't do it.
SARAH: It's a schedule, whatever. It's classified in a certain way that you are not allowed to prescribe it out of state.
KAYLA: That's stinky.
SARAH: When I first moved to California, my guy in Michigan broke the rules and was like, I will prescribe you two months-worth of this, but this is the last... like, I cannot do it again.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah.
SARAH: Okay. Anyway, Patreon… No, soundsfakepod, everywhere. Poll? Maybe you'll find it.
KAYLA: I hope so
SARAH: We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. If you want to support us there, we have a new $2 patron and I forgot to highlight your name, but there it is. SammyO. SammyO is Aussie. Thanks, SammyO. Aussie, Aussie, Aussie. Oi, Oi, Oi.
KAYLA: Oi, Oi, Oi.
SARAH: Thank you so much for your support. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Tom S, Tanner Shioshita, Vishakh, and Alex Istar, and Alexander. Double the Alex, double the fun. Our $10 patrons who are promoting this week are Martin Chiesl who would like to promote his podcast, Everyone's Special and No One Is, Olivia O'Shea, who would like to promote not telling aspec people that they haven't found the right person yet, because like, bro.
KAYLA: Yuck.
SARAH: Fuck off. Parker who would like to promote subscribing to Patreon even though you're broke and have no money, I don't know that I agree.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know that I can endorse that.
SARAH: But we were giving Parker's endorsement for quite some time after they had unpatroned because we didn't realize that they had unpatroned, but then they re-patroned.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Also, your name was different on Patreon and you told us, hey, it's me, Parker. But do you want us to still use Parker or do you want us to use the name on Patreon? Let me know. Let me know in the comments.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Send me a carrier pigeon. And Phoenix Leodinh, who would like to promote The Trevor Project. Our other $10 patrons are… nope, that is… I changed the color of the text on accident and I made it orange. No, I don't want to underline it. Uh, Purple Hayes, Barefoot Backpacker, SongOStorm, Val, Alastor, Alyson, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Bones, Celina Dobson, Clare Olsen, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, Aunt Jeannie, Kayla’s dad, and Maff. Our $15 patrons are Ace who would like to promote the writer, Crystal Scherer, Andrew Hillum who would like to promote Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Hector Murillo who would like to promote Friends who are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla's aunt, Nina who would like to promote katemaggartart.com and Schnell who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Dragonfly and Dr. Jacki and my mom and River who would like to promote not having cancer.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Thanks for listening. No context there.
KAYLA: Jesus. Sarah does not have… neither of us have cancer or have any concern about it.
SARAH: No. No. And I don't mean that in like, oh cancer is bad, so I would like to promote not having cancer. I would like to promote like, like maybe if someone thinks they have cancer and then it turns out they don't. Like that's what I want to promote.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: They're different.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: Until then, take good care of your cows.
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