Ep 96: Everything is Fake
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl. I'm Sarah, that's me.
KAYLA: And a demi-straight girl that's me Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, sounds Fake
SARAH: Wait, are we supposed to just say but okay now?
KAYLA: Hmm, interesting, maybe.
SARAH: Sounds Fake, but okay. Okay. We're going to leave just as it is. Perfect.
KAYLA: That's good. That's good.
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Mm’arimba.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I feel like I might have done that one before.
SARAH: I just don't…
KAYLA: I also just thought of that one on the spot, so you're welcome.
SARAH: You're a master.
KAYLA: want to… can someone make a compilation of just all of those?
SARAH: And then burn it?
KAYLA: Onto a CD and send it to me? Yes, correct.
SARAH: You don't have a CD player. This has been established, Kayla.
KAYLA: So true. Oh no.
SARAH: You still don't know what the bonus track on your mixtape is.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: Kayla, you're going to love the bonus track.
KAYLA: I'm sure I will. I just don't have a CD player.
SARAH: Our listeners will love the bonus track.
KAYLA: Well, they're not going to be there. They don't even know what we're talking about.
SARAH: I made Kayla a mixtape, and I made a Spotify playlist, but also I burned her a CD, but there's a bonus track on the CD that I couldn't put on Spotify, and she still doesn't know what it is.
KAYLA: Because I don't have a CD player.
SARAH: So.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's pretty tragic stuff.
SARAH: Alright, anyway. Quick little caveat before we go into this week. We apologize for the lack of verbal content warning last week. We realized too late. We did put a written content warning in the description of the episode. But, um, yeah. Sorry that we weren't more clear going into that about the fact that we were just talking about shit.
KAYLA: Uh, yeah.
SARAH: Also, we apologize for this episode.
KAYLA: Um, yeah. So I don't know if you guys have noticed lately, but...
SARAH: We're going crazy.
KAYLA: We're bad at our jobs. Um, yeah.
SARAH: Sorry, I accidentally just stopped my recording. We're fine, we're fine.
KAYLA: Oh my god.
SARAH: Listen, as you'll discover in the beef and juice section, I'm going crazy. So...
KAYLA: I don't know if I'm going crazy, I just have a full time job now.
SARAH: Classic.
KAYLA: Just adult things.
SARAH: Alright, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week we came up with a great idea, uh, like ten minutes ago.
SARAH: Oh yeah.
KAYLA: So, it's really old school pod.
SARAH: We came up with several other ideas that we were like, we're not ready to do this week, so we scheduled them for the next two weeks, so at least we got those down, you know?
KAYLA: So, you're welcome for those in advance, I guess. So, if you're one of those lovely new listeners that came here for good asexual content...
SARAH: I'm sorry.
KAYLA: Sorry? But this week we're just going to talk about things in general in life that we think are fake.
SARAH: A couple of minor asexuality/aromanticism related, because that's who I am as a human being.
KAYLA: Mine are not.
SARAH: Good.
KAYLA: I thought for a second, could I come up with a Demi one and I could not.
SARAH: Classic.
KAYLA: I mean, I guess I could. They just weren't the first things that came to my mind.
SARAH: Alright. Well, you said you have eleven of them, right? And I have ten of them.
KAYLA: Well, now I have twelve.
SARAH: Oh, so you got to go first then.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Hit me with it.
KAYLA: My first one, the first thing that came to my mind when me and Sarah were like, I guess we should prepare a little and spend two minutes writing down lists, is antelopes.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Here's the thing. Like, yes, I've seen a picture of an antelope. Okay, I get it. But like, look at them. They look bananas. But also, now that I'm thinking about it, I might be picturing a gazelle. Hold on. Let me do some googling.
SARAH: Wait. According to thesaurus, gazelle eland. I discovered this recently...
KAYLA: No, I'm thinking of the right ones. Look at those bananas horns. That's wild.
SARAH: Yeah, I learned recently that an antelope is also called an eland.
KAYLA: Hollow horns? They are hollow?
SARAH: I was at the Natural History Museum in New York City and I was like, wow, that's an eland.
KAYLA: They also related to the Dik-dik, which definitely sounds fake.
SARAH: Dik-dik.
KAYLA: They have hollow horns? Is this true?
SARAH: Apparently.
KAYLA: Someone tell me if this is true.
SARAH: I guess.
KAYLA: They're just empty inside?
SARAH: An antelope species is a… there's a pronghorn. It's a species.
KAYLA: Now I found Hollow Horn Bear, who is a leader of a Native American tribe.
SARAH: Oh, good for them. Speaking of Dik-diks. I can really hear that siren.
KAYLA: Also, there's a siren, can you hear it? Aha! Now you guys can hear something in the background.
SARAH: What if they just can't?
KAYLA: One of these days they're going to hear something that we hear. Y'all hear my cat? She's being a little shit.
SARAH: Actually, I know that you can hear sirens from your apartment, because I've cut them out before.
KAYLA: Ah, well, you're welcome, everyone.
SARAH: Yes, okay. Speaking of Dik-diks, I'm going to jump into a different part of my list. It sounds fake, dicks. I don't think dicks are real at all. Here's the thing. I've never seen one in real life.
KAYLA: You've seen pictures, though, right?
SARAH: But I've never seen a real one. Kind of like how you've never seen a real antelope, you know?
KAYLA: I might have seen an antelope.
SARAH: Maybe at the zoo.
KAYLA: Yeah, I guess those aren’t real
SARAH: But I've never seen one in real life. And I don't ever want to. So, I'm just going to live in blissful ignorance. I don't think dicks exist.
KAYLA: I mean, I feel like we've talked about this before, but I often pretend that everyone I know that has a dick does not have a dick.
SARAH: Does not have a dick
KAYLA: Because it makes me feel better.
SARAH: It's the best way to live.
KAYLA: Because I don't want to think about that, you know?
SARAH: Yeah. I just, uh, I think they're weird and I just choose to believe that they don't exist.
KAYLA: As someone who has seen one, they are wild looking.
SARAH: Like, who did that?
KAYLA: It is very bizarre.
SARAH: So, I mean, I guess genitalia in general, I like to pretend that they're not real.
KAYLA: I mean, yeah.
SARAH: But specifically dicks because…
KAYLA: Viginas are also pretty gross
SARAH: They are but I can have more ignorance of dicks just because I don't have a dick, you know?
KAYLA: That's very fair.
SARAH: So, um...
KAYLA: This makes… going back to the antelope, do you ever wonder… Because you mentioned how I may have seen one in the zoo and that might be true. I don't remember. But do you think all of the animals in the zoo are real?
SARAH: I mean, that's going to bring me to another one of my Sounds Fake. You're going to have to do a couple in a row now because, um, just for you, on my Sounds Fake list, I wrote birds.
KAYLA: Birds are fake. Thank you. And can we talk about how amazing the social media of Birds Aren't Real is? Their Instagram is absolutely popping. Like, they have bought billboards that have gone up. They're in a feud with some baseball team or something that their mascot is a bird.
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: And they're feuding via billboard with this sports team about whether birds are real or not.
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: I want to work for them. I don't think they're a real company, but I want to work for them so bad because their branding is amazing.
SARAH: That's incredible. I was at that Quidditch Championship over the weekend and someone next to me was like, Yeah, birds aren't real. And I was like, you bet they aren't.
KAYLA: I want a t-shirt so bad. I want a Birds Aren't Real t-shirt so bad.
SARAH: Birds sound fake. For those of our listeners who don't know the conspiracy theory, Kayla, would you like to share it with them?
KAYLA: Okay, yeah. So, I mean, if you Google like, birds aren't real, their website will come up. But there's this like, I don't know who runs it, but it's like, you know, like a Twitter account and they have a website, whatever, and they educate people about the real truth. It's not a conspiracy theory. The real truth that birds aren't real. There's a very long story, but basically, I think it's during like the Reagan era, they took down all the birds and replaced them with robots.
SARAH: They took the birds down like a poster off the wall.
KAYLA: Stripped them, just yanked them right off the sky, and replaced them with robots that now like watch us and plant cocaine on children.
SARAH: Yeah, so I think that the Hunger Games books, which represent a dystopian future that we're really barreling towards at this point. I think also the Hunger Games really proves that birds aren't real because they've got Jabber Jays, I almost called them Cracker Jacks, that's very different. They've got their like Jabber Jays. I was thinking Cracker Jacks because, spoilers, Peeta gets hijacked by...
KAYLA: And also, Cracker Jacks also sound fake. I've never seen a Cracker Jack.
SARAH: I have.
KAYLA: I don't believe you. You've seen a Cracker Jack like I've seen a real bird, okay?
SARAH: Okay. But, Cracker Jacks are like weird kettle corn, right?
KAYLA: I don't know. I don't believe in them.
[00:10:00]
SARAH: Jays. Oh, I spelled that wrong. Yeah, they're caramel coated popcorn and peanuts. I've seen Cracker Jacks.
KAYLA: I don't think so.
SARAH: But anyway, I think it's just proof that in the future all birds are at the very least androids. I recently learned the difference between an android and robot.
KAYLA: But then why is it called like Mockingjay?
SARAH: Because it's representing the real birds that once were. May they rise from the ashes.
KAYLA: Like a phoenix? That's a different bird.
SARAH: I mean, may they break out of their cage. That's more accurate to Hunger Games.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: But like, they have those birds that are just like designed to make the noises that are the screams of your loved ones.
KAYLA: Uh, me.
SARAH: You know? So, there's that.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I can't believe we're barreling towards this dystopian future where children kill each other for entertainment. But honestly, given everything that's going on, I absolutely believe it.
KAYLA: Yeah, I believe it. It's not, uh, unfortunately not very shocking at this point.
SARAH: Not very far out, to be quite frank.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: America is burning.
KAYLA: That is not fake.
SARAH: Not fake at all. I wish it were. Alright, what else sounds fake, Kayla?
KAYLA: Uh, a good driver's license picture.
SARAH: Hey, actually, I used to have one.
KAYLA: I have a good passport picture, somehow.
SARAH: I don't have a good passport picture.
KAYLA: My driver's license picture, they cut off the bottom of my chin, and there's like a bunch of weird, like, white space at the top. I was just looking at it while we were writing our list. It's truly, like, the worst thing to ever happen to me.
SARAH: My current driver's license picture, the only problem with it is that there's like a bit of my hair that like, kind of got like, caught up, so my hair looks a little weird. But like, my face looks fine. My old driver's license picture, which was taken on my 16th birthday, so I looked like a child, that one is perfectly fine.
KAYLA: My first one was like, okay, but mine now is very bad.
SARAH: I'm sorry to hear it. Well, if it makes you feel any better, I don't love my passport picture because they were like, you can't open mouth smile, but you can like, do… they were confusing…
KAYLA: A smize
SARAH: So, I… is that what a smize is?
KAYLA: A smize is when you smile with your eyes, but your mouth is closed, like Tyra Banks.
SARAH: Oh. I have been wondering what a smize is for a very long time but I never looked it up. It's in one of the lyrics of The Prom.
KAYLA: It is, yeah.
SARAH: So, thank you for…
KAYLA: Have you never seen like the Tyra Banks, like any memes about Tyra Banks?
SARAH: I mean I have, but you know what, just, I was trying to say thank you for educating me, and the thought that came to my mind was thank you for electrocuting me.
KAYLA: Also, sounds fake, Sarah's knowledge of language?
SARAH: My word retrieval almost said retention.
KAYLA: Oh my God
SARAH: My word retrieval skills are so bad and it's my mom's fault, because so are hers.
KAYLA: Oh man, yeah, that's pretty bad.
SARAH: I'm a writer. Anyway, what were we talking about?
KAYLA: Driver’s license pictures
SARAH: Oh, my passport picture is like, I'm like half-smiling, and it put some weird creases on my face.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: There's that. Okay, what else sounds fake, Kayla?
KAYLA: I have here men.
SARAH: That's so real. I think that really goes alongside dicks. Not that all men have dicks or that all people with dicks are men, but you know.
KAYLA: But yeah, I mean, some of them. Yeah, I just like am not convinced.
SARAH: Okay, are you aware that you're dating a man?
KAYLA: Well, now that I think about it, maybe it's not so much that I think they're fake as that I wish they were. Because listen, do I love the man I'm dating very much? Yes. Is it worth having to deal with all of the other men in the world? I don't know, I haven't thought about it.
SARAH: Maybe you should.
KAYLA: Maybe I should.
SARAH: See, this is one of the perks of being aromantic asexual, is I'm just like, ha ha ha.
KAYLA: Yeah, just like that?
SARAH: Yeah, just like that.
KAYLA: Yeah, but that's also because at least I can be like, well here's one redeeming man that I get to spend time with. I mean, you have male friends that are fine.
SARAH: I do
KAYLA: But you don't even get that one redeeming thing.
SARAH: Oh, well, I mean, I believe that there can be redeeming men without you having to like, kiss them, you know?
KAYLA: I mean, yeah.
SARAH: Like, I don't want to do that, but there are some redeeming men. See, but most of, most if not all of the men that I would consider to be redeeming men agree that men are stupid. And that men aren't real.
KAYLA: Yeah. That's what makes them redeemable, is that they also hate men.
SARAH: Yeah, I mean, you could really make an argument that all people are stupid, and that gender isn't real and doesn't matter. And that we're all screwed. This got dark.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Cool. Similarly, you're giving me lots of good segues here.
KAYLA: You're welcome.
SARAH: I think straight people sound fake. You just can't tell me that there are people who don't feel any attraction whatsoever that is not heterosexual/heteroromantic. You can't tell me that.
KAYLA: I mean, I don't know.
SARAH: It's like, sexuality is a spectrum, right?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Which means that no one is fully straight.
KAYLA: Well, no. Someone could be all the way on one side.
SARAH: It seems unlikely.
KAYLA: It's just unlikely. I mean, it is unlikely. And I agree that most people are probably at least like, .1% not straight.
SARAH: Yeah. My cousin who's gay said that he doesn't believe that any straight people exist, but he… like any fully 100% straight people exist, but he does believe that fully 100% gay people exist because he's one of them.
KAYLA: Oh my god. Oh my god. That's funny.
SARAH: So, you know, sexuality is not real.
KAYLA: Hmm. And that's it. That's the podcast. Goodbye!
SARAH: That's the podcast. Thank you for joining us on this 96th episode.
KAYLA: Yeah, I guess it's over now. It's not real. It's over. Can't even make it to 100.
SARAH: Is this episode 96?
KAYLA: I do think so, yes.
SARAH: Oh my god. We got to prep for episode 100.
KAYLA: Yeah, if anyone has anything they… we have a couple ideas, but.
SARAH: Yeah. We have some ideas, which I realized are going to be logistically difficult, but…
KAYLA: Oh, yes.
SARAH: But if you have any ideas for our 100th episode celebration, do let us know. Anyway.
KAYLA: Wouldn't it be cool if we had Merch ready for that?
SARAH: You know what? It'd be very cool.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm. It would.
SARAH: Hey. You know what else sounds fake?
KAYLA: Hmm.
SARAH: The lack of gun laws in the United States.
KAYLA: Oh boy. Okay. Get right in there.
SARAH: It's just some bula shita.
KAYLA: You know what's funny is the other day someone recommended us to someone else on Twitter that was asking for non-political podcasts, and then I was like, oh, but sometimes.
SARAH: But sometimes. I can't listen. The world is a fuckfire. I don't know what a fuckfire is, but it is the world. And, um, yep, that's all. Alright, what else sounds fake?
KAYLA: Um, I mean, yeah, I agree with that. Um, okay, this is also going to be one of my juices later, but fish tubes.
SARAH: Explain the fish tubes.
KAYLA: Okay, so there's this meme on Twitter, well, it was just an informational video at first, but you know how it be. Um, of like, there's, I think it's like a man-made dam in some river, and it makes it so the fish have to like take a different route to like, migrate, and it takes them a really long time.
SARAH: It takes like several minutes
KAYLA: And it like messes with the ecosystem, because you know, humans are ruining the world.
SARAH: Classic. Fuck fire.
KAYLA: It's like, people engineered, it's this like, tube water slide thing that goes like across…
SARAH: It's like a roller coaster for fish.
KAYLA: It's like, it goes across this dam, and it just, you scoop the fish into it and it just, it shoots them through this like
SARAH: Tube.
KAYLA: Tube, like a water slide situation, and then they pop out on the other side of the dam, so it only takes minutes instead of days. And there are so many good memes.
SARAH: Is there just one tube?
KAYLA: I don't know. I just love it so much.
SARAH: Is there ever like a backup, like, is there ever like a long line for like the fish water slide?
KAYLA: I'm sure there is, did you see, I mean when they just pluck the fish out of the water it seemed like there was a lot of them in there. Anyway, so I can, I'll get more into the specific meme that I really like later in the juice section, but it does seem fake to me that that's a thing. That someone spent money and time on.
SARAH: My next thing that I think is fake? I think sex is a myth.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Listen, who was like, you know what, I know a great way to reproduce, stick random body parts into each other and then also once your species is more evolved, then you'll just like, you won't do it for reproduction, you'll just do it for fun and it doesn't matter what body parts you have, you'll just like stick them into each other and it'll be fun. Whose idea was that?
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: It's not random. I mean, the body parts used for reproduction, I mean, they're the correct ones.
SARAH: Like, I mean, I could stick my finger into your ear and you would not get pregnant?
KAYLA: Correct. I'm just saying that like, it's not like random. It's like, okay, you need to get this sperm into this egg.
SARAH: But why that method?
KAYLA: Okay, I would like you to please propose a different one.
SARAH: We all become asexually reproducing beings. A true second meaning to asexuality.
KAYLA: Okay, I mean, yeah, but like, I mean like every animal that isn't like asexually reproductive, usually like, I think almost every animal sticks something into something else.
SARAH: And I hate it.
KAYLA: I just would like to know what you would prefer other than like asexually reproducing. Like if two beings have to come together to reproduce, how would you like it?
SARAH: A very meaningful high five.
KAYLA: How many children would you have had by now if that was the case?
SARAH: Oh no, like you have to like go into the high five with the intention of like having a child.
KAYLA: What if you like accidentally do it?
SARAH: Well, you can't because you have to go into the high five with both of you having the intention of having a child.
KAYLA: Okay, I mean that would solve some problems, but I just don't know.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I just don't…
SARAH: High fives should replace sex. That is my hot take.
KAYLA: I don't know. I just can't go with you on this one.
SARAH: Well, listen. I'm aro-ace. What do you want from me?
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know. I don't know what you want from me either.
SARAH: Cool. What else sounds fake?
KAYLA: Uh, boomerangs. Like, I do…
SARAH: Like, not the video thing, but the toy?
KAYLA: Like the Australian thing.
SARAH: Yeah, okay.
KAYLA: Yes, I've never looked into the engineering of it, but I just don't understand how something... like I get it’s shaped like that but like what about that shape makes it like uh yes it will just naturally come back?
SARAH: The internet could definitely answer that question for you.
KAYLA: Yeah, but I just don't think so.
SARAH: Okay. There's an episode of Sherlock where someone gets killed by a boomerang. By, like, their own boomerang.
KAYLA: That seems familiar. I just, like, that's… who figured that out?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And were they shocked?
SARAH: Who was like, I would like this to come back to me.
KAYLA: No, it seems like it was a mistake when it happened.
SARAH: It probably was.
KAYLA: They probably found a nice curved stick and they threw it and then it came back and they were like, fuck, what?
SARAH: They were like, I'm just going to throw this stick because it seems fun. And then it just came back and hit them in the head or something.
KAYLA: I mean, yeah, there wasn't much to do for fun, you know, in the day.
SARAH: Yeah, a little sport. Some sport time. Alright.
KAYLA: That sounds cool.
SARAH: Alright. I think… you know what sounds fake, Kayla?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Tater tots.
KAYLA: Why? They're great.
SARAH: I just don't think they're real.
KAYLA: Why?
SARAH: I have no basis for this argument.
KAYLA: Okay. Alright. Good.
SARAH: How do they stick to each other?
KAYLA: They're fried. I think.
SARAH: I know, but like, how do how you? How
KAYLA: I mean, how does like a French fry stay together?
SARAH: Because it's a... well the thing with tater tots is that it's like little shaved bits.
KAYLA: Yeah, but you just squish them together.
SARAH: Oh my god, they were created by Armani Eleonora Vanderbilt when she was only four?
KAYLA: Okay, no. That's just a kid... no. That's just a kid mushing their food together. No, no.
SARAH: Is this why they're called tater tots? They're put under many labels outside the US. I want to find out what they are.
KAYLA: Okay. But I thought they were fake.
SARAH: In the UK, Ross Frozen Foods once produced oven crunchies, which are no longer available. In Canada, some of them are called tasty taters, some of them are called spud puppies. In Australia and New Zealand, they are known as potato gems, potato royals, or potato pom poms.
KAYLA: Oh, that's fun.
SARAH: The New Zealand Pizza Hut Franchise offers hash bites, which are just potato tot hot dish is a very popular soup-based casserole consisting of tater tots, ground beef, and various vegetables. Don't slander the Midwest like this.
KAYLA: No, I've never heard of her.
SARAH: It says this is common in the Midwest.
KAYLA: That sounds vaguely like...no, that doesn't even vaguely sound like poutine. That's not...
SARAH: Okay, it says Minnesota, South Dakota, North Dakota, Wisconsin.
KAYLA: I don't think the Dakota is in the Midwest.
SARAH: It's like the Great Plains, you know?
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: What else sounds fake, Kayla?
KAYLA: Uh, the new Snapchat logo.
SARAH: Why is it so thick?
KAYLA: Well, my guess... okay, so I saw some article about how they're trying to rebrand to get people to use Snapchat again. Here's my guess.
SARAH: And by making the outline of the ghost a little bit thicker, they think that's going to work.
KAYLA: Well, here's my guess. Is it really...I'm looking at my phone now, and it really does stand out.
SARAH: I guess.
KAYLA: Not in a good way. But so I'm wondering if they're like, if we just make people look at the logo...
SARAH: If we make it uglier, more people will use it.
KAYLA: Well, it does stand out, but I will tell you, this morning I went on my phone and my app finally updated so the new logo was there, and I audibly, to no one, because I live alone, said, Oh no. Because I was so distressed by it.
SARAH: I was like, oh, they must have updated a bunch of other stupid things on the app, like what bullshit have they done now? No, just the logo.
KAYLA: They're also working with micro-influencers to promote Snapchat, and you know where there's micro-influencers?
SARAH: Micro-influencers? Like influencers over a very small niche?
KAYLA: It's like us, but a little bigger probably.
SARAH: I can't believe we're micro-influencers.
KAYLA: Mini-influencers.
SARAH: Okay, no.
KAYLA: Yes. And they're like, you know, posting about go Snapchat is great, blah blah blah, but you know where they're posting?
SARAH: Snapchat?
KAYLA: Instagram.
SARAH: It doesn't, um, Instagram owns Snapchat?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Oh, Facebook owns Instagram.
KAYLA: Facebook owns Instagram. I'm just saying, like, Instagram stories are what killed Snapchat, and now people are like, on Instagram promoting it. It's just funny.
SARAH: Wild.
KAYLA: Anyway, it's a bad logo.
SARAH: Yeah, alright. Uh, the next thing that to me sounds fake, um, now I'm not sure it's fake anymore, but I think prior to having met you, Kayla, I definitely could have made an argument that grapefruit are fake.
KAYLA: Do you know what I drank at work just today?
SARAH: Was it grapefruit juice? Because that's definitely fake.
KAYLA: It was grapefruit juice.
SARAH: Oh my god, big juice.
KAYLA: I got a new big juice at the grocery store yesterday because I had run out, and then I was like, I want some at work, so I brought some to work.
SARAH: How?
KAYLA: In a bottle.
SARAH: Oh. Does that make it medium sized juice?
KAYLA: Yeah, it wasn't as big.
SARAH: Because it was in a smaller container.
KAYLA: It was not as big.
SARAH: Was it even small juice?
KAYLA: No, no. It was, no.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: I'm sorry. Okay
KAYLA: I'm not.
SARAH: I just like I didn't really think grapefruit were real.
KAYLA: They are. You've seen me eat many of them.
SARAH: What does it taste like? I've never eaten one.
KAYLA: Uh...
SARAH: Compared to... My references are oranges and clementine. That's all I've got.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean it's definitely like a citrus. I think...
SARAH: Why is it a different color on the outside than the inside?
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I don't know how to describe what they taste like. Good. Sweet. It's not sour.
SARAH: Compared to the sweetness of a clementine or an orange, how sweet are they?
KAYLA: Probably a little less.
SARAH: Than an orange?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That makes sense because they're bigger. They're big boys.
KAYLA: Yeah, because a lot of times when people eat them they'll add sugar on top.
SARAH: Ugh, like me and my Cheerios.
KAYLA: Mm, me.
SARAH: Tight yourself. I'm the sugar on top. But not really.
KAYLA: No you're not. Okay.
SARAH: Yeah, I also... You know jackfruit?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Definitely think.
KAYLA: Yeah, I was trying to think of those weird fruit. Like starfruit? No.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Passion fruit? Unlikely.
SARAH: I could even make an argument for kiwi. Why are they fuzzy?
KAYLA: Dragon fruit? No.
SARAH: I just know all these things from Fruit Ninja.
KAYLA: Oh, yes. I saw someone on Twitter that like cut the like skin off the strawberry, and they were like, y'all eat your strawberries unpeeled. And I was like, this is horrific looking.
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: It was so disgusting.
SARAH: It's like that line from The Good Place. Where Jason is like, “Why do we eat apples with their clothes on? But not oranges?”
KAYLA: Oh my god. Oh no.
SARAH: It's an important question.
KAYLA: Sometimes I do think, you know how you eat an apple and it just like lays around. And like, I personally don't like wash my apples before I eat them.
SARAH: Yeah, I don't really either
KAYLA: Yeah, but like if I were to have other food just like laying around and then I ate it, I'd be like, gross. But with an apple, it's like okay for the outside to touch the world. You know?
SARAH: A bit of dirt is good for you. Science proved that.
KAYLA: That's true, but it's still weird.
SARAH: And I'm going to say nothing more on the topic of science.
KAYLA: Oh, true. We got roasted.
[00:30:00]
SARAH: What else sounds fake?
KAYLA: Chameleons.
SARAH: Okay. Because they hide?
KAYLA: No, because like, what is happening there? Like they just…
SARAH: Sorry, I just got really distracted because I thought of a dream…
KAYLA: Shocking
SARAH: I had where I had to feed a lizard.
KAYLA: How'd that go?
SARAH: And then I was like, it seemed like a very normal thing. It was like, oh, I need to water my orchid and also feed my lizard. I'll do it later.
KAYLA: I mean, that'd be normal if you had a lizard.
SARAH: It was just a passing thought. Or was I feeding a lizard to something else?
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: I was feeding it something that was live.
KAYLA: Probably a bug. They eat bugs.
SARAH: Continue.
KAYLA: I just like, how do they do it? Because like, it's not like they can see all around them. So it's not like they can like color check and be like, my tail is on something blue. Got to match that.
SARAH: I mean…
KAYLA: They can't see.
SARAH: I think their eyes are very move-y.
KAYLA: Yeah, but not that one. Not move-y to see their whole body.
SARAH: I don't know, man.
KAYLA: I just don't.
SARAH: Maybe they just make a good guess. Like they look at like where they're going to be and they're like, I got it, I got it, I got it, and they just go there
KAYLA: I just like… I'm not convinced. Like it seems fake. How do they do it?
SARAH: Science.
KAYLA: Hmm, don't know her.
SARAH: Classic. You know what else sounds fake?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Cows sound fake because they're too pure to be real.
KAYLA: That's so fair. That's so true.
SARAH: I saw a multitude of cows just on the side of the road over the weekend because I was doing a lot of driving through America where one finds a number of cows.
KAYLA: I haven't seen a cow in a while.
SARAH: Well, because I feel like the cities are more not elevated. Constricted. Closer together?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: What's the word for that? Clumped. Clustered. I hate the word clustered. Anyway, because I saw these cows in Ohio and Pennsylvania and West Virginia. So, you know, cows. I think they're too pure to be real. I think they're… look at their eyes. Their eyes are just too pure, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah, they're very kind.
SARAH: That's the argument about cows. What else sounds fake?
KAYLA: Uh, like stable or regular mental health.
SARAH: Oh, that’s a big fucking mood.
KAYLA: Like, where? And how? And who?
SARAH: Quamst. And why? Well, I know why. Well, you know what? I don't know why. Why? Who?
KAYLA: I just don't know her, you know? And I'm not convinced.
SARAH: Yeah. What if instead of how we changed the word to be whoa so that it also started with W, like we just reversed it.
KAYLA: Because whoa is already a word.
SARAH: Nope, it's W-O-A-H. I guess it could be wah.
KAYLA: That sounds too much like what.
SARAH: Who? What? When? Where? Why? Wah.
KAYLA: No, no, no. That won't do.
SARAH: Also, what if it was W-H-O? Oh, that's who.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: I have a degree from the University of Michigan. Yes, hello, I'm a writer.
KAYLA: Oh, that was one of your worst, I do think.
SARAH: Because I was like, oh wait, all the words start with W-H. I should just shuffle it so it's W-H. But if you shuffle it so it's W-H-O, it just says who.
KAYLA: Oh, dear me.
SARAH: Help.
KAYLA: I can't. I don't know what you need.
SARAH: What were we talking about?
KAYLA: Uh, mental health.
SARAH: Right. I think that statement that I just made is reflective of my mental health.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think it proves it.
SARAH: Like nothing makes sense. Ah! Don't worry about it.
KAYLA: Oh, okay.
SARAH: Okay, you know what else sounds fake?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: I say that every time and I really should not because it's very repetitive. Uh, first kisses sound fake? Like there are a lot of logistics that I surely just don't understand. How do you decide?
KAYLA: It is stressful. I feel... have we had this conversation before or if I had it with someone else?
SARAH: Oh, I think you had it with me. I'm just still confused about it.
KAYLA: Oh, okay. I think there's just like a... like a look and like a vibe.
SARAH: Also, I've been told that most people kiss to the right.
KAYLA: Do I kiss to the right?
SARAH: But also on Agents of SHIELD, Fitz Simmons kiss to the left. And I'm like, what if one of you tries to go one direction?
KAYLA: Well...
SARAH: One of you tries to go the other direction.
KAYLA: I mean usually... Because I...
SARAH: Knock faces.
KAYLA: I can't remember what way I usually kiss thinking about it. Well, maybe it is to the right.
SARAH: Most people do it to the right.
KAYLA: But you can also like go back and forth.
SARAH: I know, but like when you first go to kiss them. Just like initially.
KAYLA: Yeah, I'll have to... Now I'm going to be self-conscious about it.
SARAH: Oh no. Kissing is ruined forever. You're welcome.
KAYLA: But also like it's not like you go into it like so fast that like you're going to knock heads. Especially... I mean...
SARAH: I guess.
KAYLA: I don't know. In my opinion, I've never had a first kiss that's like going in. It's usually like slowly…
SARAH: I'm going to break my nose.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean I guess if you're kissing someone like passionately and maybe that would be a first kiss for someone that wasn't Demi…
SARAH: I feel like most first kisses aren't that way though.
KAYLA: Well, I would agree.
SARAH: Depending on the context.
KAYLA: Thinking about people that aren't Demi or are and whatever and hook up with people, then it could be your first kiss with them of sex time.
SARAH: So, what I'm hearing is that for many allosexual people, the goal of a first kiss, or alloromantic or whatever, the goal of a first kiss is to break both of your noses.
KAYLA: No, I did not say that.
SARAH: And when I say both of your noses, I mean the nose of you and the person you're kissing, not that you have multiple noses.
KAYLA: Again, I did not say that. And I just don't want to mislead any of our listeners who may be kissing people. I don't want to get calls and tweets about broken noses. We don't have the budget for that, Sarah.
SARAH: If you've ever broken your nose kissing someone, please tell us.
KAYLA: I mean, I'm sure someone has.
SARAH: Oh, I'm absolutely sure. I mean, our friend Miranda was talking to me recently about how there are some stage kisses where they kind of run up to each other, and she's really concerned about them breaking their noses.
KAYLA: I know someone who was a little drunk and was hooking up with someone and went in for a fast kiss. I can't believe I didn't think of this before. They went in to kiss and they knocked heads, and she fell off the bed and got a concussion and had to not go to class for a while, and it really fucked up her schooling.
SARAH: Oh my god.
KAYLA: So yeah, I guess it does happen.
SARAH: There are consequences to kissing too aggressively. Communicate when you kiss.
KAYLA: Well, I mean I guess, but like, I don't know. It doesn't seem super common.
SARAH: You never know. Don't be a reckless kisser, y'all.
KAYLA: I guess that's a lesson that you could take.
SARAH: A lesson for you. What else sounds fake?
KAYLA: The word chrysanthemum.
SARAH: Okay, that checks out.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's all. I just don't.
SARAH: That's it? Yeah. That's the tweet. Okay.
KAYLA: Yeah, send.
SARAH: Cool. My last thing that sounds fake is like, you can like go hang out with someone who's a friend. And it, like what's the difference between a platonic hangout and a romantic date aside from your relationship status? And like whether you want to kiss them or not. Nothing, right?
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean I think it's just like the intention is what's different.
SARAH: Even though the activities could be exactly the same?
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean I think like the activities could be slightly different because I'm not going to kiss my friend when we go bowling, but I might kiss my romantic partner.
SARAH: I was also thinking about bowling.
KAYLA: Aww, cute.
SARAH: Are we on a date?
KAYLA: I think we… Wait. Wait.
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: Wait. Now that… first of all, my cat is being a little shit. Second of all…
SARAH: Stop interrupting talking about your cat!
KAYLA: I would love to, but she keeps biting my shit. Now that I'm…
SARAH: She's going into your toilet and finding your poop.
KAYLA: Honestly, would not be shocked if that happened. Now that I'm in a long-distance relationship, most of my dates are just like phone calls.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Which is what we're doing right now.
SARAH: I can't believe we're on a date.
KAYLA: So it does seem as though every time we podcast… we've been on 96 dates, Sarah.
SARAH: I would argue we've been on more than 96 dates.
KAYLA: Oh, we've definitely been on more. Remember that one time we saw two movies back-to-back in one day?
SARAH: Yes, I do.
KAYLA: was the best date of my life.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: Remember that time we went to Meijer and got the same pants as each other?
KAYLA: Yeah, I wear them often.
SARAH: So do I.
KAYLA: Romance.
SARAH: Romance in the 21st century.
KAYLA: Remember when sometimes we went to Costco together? Date.
SARAH: Date.
KAYLA: Anyway, yeah, I think it's just the intention. Because you truly could do the same thing, plus or minus some hand holding or kissing. And that's it.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I mean I do think there’s probably more pressure on a date to learn about the other person. Whereas when you're on a friend date, you can just kind of like chill and it doesn't matter how fast you learn about them.
SARAH: Have some fun.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's definitely less stressful. I don't know why I said probably.
SARAH: Argue about the value of bumpers in bowling.
KAYLA: Yeah, I guess.
SARAH: I am pro-bumpers.
KAYLA: We know.
SARAH: Okay. Do you have anything else that sounds fake?
KAYLA: My last one is just fake plants.
SARAH: Oh. I mean, they are, they sound fake because they are fake.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: Is my argument.
KAYLA: Yeah, that, yep.
SARAH: Oh, also, I thought I was killing my orchid William, but then I discovered that he's just, um, you know how like orchids go through like phases where like sometimes they don't have their flowers?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: He's just doing that.
KAYLA: Oh, it's just a phase, Mom.
SARAH: It's just a phase, Mom. So, shout out to William.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: You're looking great over there. You look kind of barren, but you're alive. So that's all that matters. Tag yourself, I'm barren but alive.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Good. All right. Are those all the things that sound fake on this particular day?
KAYLA: I think so.
SARAH: Great. I hope this episode is entertaining. And hey, I worked in some asexuality stuff.
KAYLA: You did.
SARAH: A romanticism, Ace-spec, you did not.
KAYLA: Well, I talked about being Demi once.
SARAH: Did you?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Oh yeah.
KAYLA: I don't remember why or when or how or where.
SARAH: But it happened. Or who?
KAYLA: Or who?
SARAH: Or the other who?
KAYLA: Or the Hwa.
SARAH: Or the Whoa.
KAYLA: Oh my god, okay.
SARAH: Send help. Beef and… no, poll. Poll is next.
KAYLA: Oh boy.
SARAH: What’s our poll?
KAYLA: Which sounds the most fake? We got to come up with some now.
SARAH: Oh, you were prompting me?
KAYLA: Oh yes.
SARAH: Oh, I thought you had a poll idea.
KAYLA: Well, that is, that is the poll idea. Which of the following sounds the most fake?
SARAH: Dicks.
KAYLA: Dicks.
SARAH: Sex.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Here's the problem is I deleted all of mine as I said them because I said them out of order so I wanted to make sure I got to all of them.
KAYLA: Dicks, sex, uh, fish tubes?
SARAH: Because I think between, between dicks and sex, I think dicks sound more fake.
KAYLA: But you can't, no I was just about to say you can't do one without the other but that's dead wrong.
SARAH: That's just false.
KAYLA: That's just me being ignorant.
SARAH: Uh, dicks, sex, fish tubes, antelopes. We went some very different directions there. I would still make the argument that dicks are the most fake out of all those things. Kayla, are you done writing that down so you can give your beef and your juice?
KAYLA: I did and then I also restarted recording because my computer stopped it again.
SARAH: Classic. Hit me with your beef and juice.
KAYLA: Okay, juice, fish tubes. Okay, so again, great meme. I saw one, I think it was last night, of the fish tube video set to Lady Gaga in A Star is Born. And so it's just like, ahhhhhh. And then, you know, as the fish goes through the tube, and then when she sings, I'm off the deep end, is when the fish comes out of the tube and goes back into the water.
SARAH: Wow, that's great.
KAYLA: And it's cinematically amazing.
SARAH: Stunning
KAYLA: And that's my juice, because I was thinking about it all day at work today.
SARAH: Good.
KAYLA: And I tried to explain it to my coworker, he didn't think it was that funny.
SARAH: Honestly, that's a beef. Stupid.
KAYLA: Other beef, I was supposed to go see a drag show this weekend, and then we went all the way to New York to see it, and we got there, and then the guy was like, did no one email you? It was cancelled. And so then we didn't get to see it. But then he said that he felt bad, and we can come back as his guests, so maybe one day.
SARAH: Oh shit. You're a special guest, you're a VIP.
KAYLA: VIP at the very tiny club that this drag show was supposed to be at.
SARAH: Yeah boy. Alright.
KAYLA: Oh yeah.
SARAH: I'm going to start with my juice, because for my own mental health I need to provide myself with some juice. I'm going to Chicago this weekend to see Come From Away. I'm going to cry a lot, but it's going to be good. We're also going to go to Cheesecake Factory.
KAYLA: The best Cheesecake Factory is the one in Chicago. When I was younger I thought that Cheesecake Factory was only in Chicago, because that's the only time we would go, is when we’re in Chicago
SARAH: Well, there's only one in Michigan.
KAYLA: Is it just the Novi one?
SARAH: Yeah, it's the one at 12 Oaks.
KAYLA: Oh, I didn't realize that was the only one.
SARAH: So I've been told.
KAYLA: Shocking.
SARAH: And I might be wrong. I don't know. I don't know science. Also, another juice. The Lightning Thief, the musical, is going to Broadway. I'm very excited.
KAYLA: Is it a limited run or?
SARAH: It's a limited run. I'm probably going to see it, because I'm going to New York with my mom to see a bunch of shows and I'm very excited.
KAYLA: When Sarah won't come to the East Coast to visit you, but will go to the Lightning Thief.
SARAH: I told you that...
KAYLA: When Sarah won't go to the East Coast.
SARAH: We're going to see you at some point.
KAYLA: When Sarah...
SARAH: Oh my god. Well, I'm also seeing several other shows. I'm very excited about it… It's going to be... I'm just going to spend all my life savings on it, but you know what? It's fine.
KAYLA: That's a mood.
SARAH: Also, my next juice is that I'm retired from Quidditch. Look, I love that sport.
KAYLA: But your hand is broken.
SARAH: But yeah, I'm getting surgery in like a month.
KAYLA: Yay!
SARAH: I love that sport, but my body is dead and there's just so much bullshit around it and I'm just so glad I'm done. And I can just watch it from afar. I mean, I would encourage anyone to join Quidditch who's interested, but I'm glad.
KAYLA: Can I tell you how much relief and drama and stress left my body when I was finally done with Quidditch?
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: I did not realize how many of my problems in all areas of my life were, especially in the last year, Quidditch was a no bueno for me.
SARAH: Incredible.
KAYLA: It was bad.
SARAH: I love Quidditch, but so far I'm done.
KAYLA: I mean, yeah, it was good. It was good, but I'm also glad I'm done too.
SARAH: All right. My beef is this thing that I just today decided to done, de-stression, even though that doesn't totally make sense because it sounds like de-stressing, but it's very not, very much not de-stressing. It's more like re-stressing. So, like, it's this thing that happens to me when I get very stressed about something. As you know, Kayla, my brain just shuts down and it's like, I'm not going to do it. I'm not going to do it.
KAYLA: It does
SARAH: And then I get more stressed because nothing gets done. And then…
KAYLA: I know, I know this. Yes
SARAH: And then like, hello, depression, because I'm like a bump on a log and I'm like, and then a bump on a log
KAYLA: Or a dick on a log.
SARAH: Bump, lump?
KAYLA: Dick.
SARAH: Ants on a log.
KAYLA: Dicks on a log.
SARAH: Absolutely not. But then the depression feeds my ADHD, which feeds my depression, which feeds my stress, which feeds, you get the point.
KAYLA: I do.
SARAH: So, I'm moving soon and I'm going to die.
KAYLA: Oh yeah, wait, when are you moving?
SARAH: Uh, like two weeks.
KAYLA: Oof.
SARAH: And I'm just moving back home and I know the people that are living in this house, so if I forget something I can just get it. But like it also means that like I'm actually going to have to like face adulthood because like I will no longer be in my college town. And it means I'm getting closer to going to California, which means I'm going to have to start looking for housing and a job in earnest. And that stresses me out, which means I'm not going to do it, which, you know, do you see the cycle here?
KAYLA: I do. And I know it well because I've been in it.
SARAH: Which is why I haven't done the merch.
KAYLA: Yay.
SARAH: Today, I woke up and I was like, I'm going to work out today. And then I came home and then I showered and then I took a nap.
KAYLA: This is such a mood, such a relatable time for me.
SARAH: And then I ate Panera and now we're here at 8:30 at night.
KAYLA: I mean, the good thing is you're eating and sleeping. And that's like…
SARAH: Well, but no, but we are very different in that when I'm stressed, I over-eat and oversleep and you under eat and under-sleep.
KAYLA: Well, yes, but I'm just saying like at least you're like doing the basic survival things, you know
SARAH: I guess
KAYLA: Like it doesn't seem like much, but it's you're it's there, you know?
SARAH: Yeah. Also, beef. I haven't written. I need to write. I need samples when I fucking go to L.A. anyway. My other beef is that, um, the prom and be more chill closed on Broadway on Sunday and there were a lot of posts about it that made me very sad. Um, there is a video at Be More Chill where they sang after it was done. They sang the goodbye song, which the music writer Joey Conness wrote and literally everyone was on stage and like it's a very sad song. It's also a happy song. And so, I was just like crying and smiling at the same time.
KAYLA: Me
[00:50:00]
SARAH: And also there are some videos of Beth Leavel from The Prom singing the Ladies Improving and she like chokes up before one of the lines and then her applause is for so long and also she holds the last long forever.
KAYLA: Oh my god, yes. I saw the video, it's bananas.
SARAH: She was like conducting the band herself. She was like, I'm going to keep going until I tell you to stop. So, it's also my juice because I got a lot of good content out of it but also, I'm sad but also the Lightning Thief is going to be in the Longacre Theatre which is where the prom just was so that's exciting.
KAYLA: Wow.
SARAH: That's my beef and my juice. If you want to tell us about your beef, your juice, your polls, your fears, hit us up @SoundsFakePod everywhere. We need to use our Instagram more, Kayla.
KAYLA: Yeah, I was just thinking about that the other day but technically you're in charge of that.
SARAH: Which is why.
KAYLA: Yeah, not to stress you out more but once we get merch though we can have fun photo shoots, not together though because we don't.
SARAH: Oh my God. That's true.
KAYLA: I mean once… I'll be back in Michigan within the next two months.
SARAH: Cool.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: That was really aggressive. Also, we have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. The greatest perk of Patreon is when we post episodes early, which if you're at least a $5 patron you can get them a day early, you can see what I originally titled them.
KAYLA: Yeah, I've never heard from anyone, I've never received a comment about them.
SARAH: But you can see what I call them. Last week's was called Magic Mike Makes Me Scared.
KAYLA: Yeah, so I don't know if anyone really is looking or checks, because it's also possible to get the RSS feed and then it goes right to your app or whatever so you don't have to go to Patreon every time I think. But it is truly a gift, there is some good ones on there.
SARAH: Yeah, like very early on in the pod I was like episode one, and then now I'm just like Magic Mike Makes Me Scared.
KAYLA: It's good, some good stuff.
SARAH: But yeah, if you want to be privy to that, become a $5 patron. We got another new patron, bless all y'all souls. Our $2 patrons are Keith McBlayne, Roxanne, AliceIsInSpace, Anonymous, Nathan Dennison, Mariah, Walter, Jonathan, ChangelingMX, and Christopher T Verdieri. Do we have a fun way to pronounce Changeling this week? What was that?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Okay. Our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Asthritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney, Perry Fiero, my aunt Jeannie, D, Megan Raul, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, Tim, Ryan, Lucietti, and our new $5 patron Book Marvel Hello. I am familiar with your name because I've seen you around. Not in real life on the internet.
KAYLA: You don't know that. Maybe we do know them in real life.
SARAH: That's true. Maybe they're just hiding from us. Thank you for supporting us and now you are able to see the weird things I titled pod. Our $10 patrons are Kevin and Tessa, Tessa, Tessa, @dirtyuncleKevin and at Tessa_m_k. Arcness who would like to promote Trevor Project, Benjamin Ibarra who would like to promote tabletop games, and anonymous who would like to promote summer break. Our $15 patrons are Jennifer, nope, why? I almost said what? Help.
KAYLA: No
SARAH: I almost said Jennifer Smart. I don't know what I'm doing. Jennifer Smart has been around for so long I just swear to God she's a $15 patron.
KAYLA: And truly? I haven't heard from her in so long. She might not even listen anymore.
SARAH: Are you out there, Jennifer? Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White, NathanielJayWhiteDesigns.com, my mom Julie who would like to promote free mom hugs, and Sarah Jones who is found @Eternal Lolly everywhere. And also, Sarah, you might discover that your requested episode is coming up soon.
KAYLA: You may. You might not, but you may.
SARAH: You may find that. Thank you for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: Until then, take good care of your fake cows.