Ep 97: Asexual Culture and Community
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey folks, before we dive in, this is Sarah from the future. Yes, we're aware that Kayla's audio sounds janky and staticy in this episode. Unfortunately, I'm the IT guy on this pod and my skills are limited so we're working on it. But y'all are just going to have to live with it this week unfortunately, sorry. I know it's bad. I had to edit the whole pod so I listened to the whole thing too. So, I feel your pain. Also, my computer gets noisy in the middle of this because it was overheating. I don't know. Just heads up. Everything is fine. Alright, here we go.
Hey what's up hello, welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl I'm Sarah, that's me.
KAYLA: And the demi-straight girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, the ace community.
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay.
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: M’athunder. Doesn't start with an M, but relevant?
SARAH: It is happening.
KAYLA: So here in the Connecticut headquarters of Sounds Fake
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: I called it that, and I was emailing someone back or I was answering like an anon or something and I referred to it as that and I was like, that's fun. That's what it is now. But here at the Connecticut headquarters of Sounds Fake, it is raining like you would not believe and very thundery and lightning-y. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if I lose my power during this. And I know you can hear it because I tested my mic and it's there, so don't try me.
SARAH: And also, I can hear it through the phone call.
KAYLA: Well, sometimes I can hear things in the phone call that don't end up in the recording.
SARAH: That's fair.
KAYLA: But anyway, you're going to hear it. And I'm sorry, but.
SARAH: Well, here at the Michigan headquarters, which will only be the Michigan headquarters for another week before I move out and bring us to another Michigan headquarters.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's going to still be the Michigan headquarters.
SARAH: But it'll be a different city.
KAYLA: And then we'll have a headquarters on each coast.
SARAH: We’ll be bi-coastal
KAYLA: Ooh, just like the big companies, we'll have one on each coast. Oh, Sarah. Big things happening.
SARAH: Incredible. Alright, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week is brought to you by Sarah Jones, aka Eternal Lolli.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Because as…
SARAH: She recently became a $15 patron.
KAYLA: Yes, and as a $15 patron, you get to choose a topic. I mean, you guys can always suggest topics, but as a $15 patron, you, like, we will do it. We have to.
SARAH: You can hold us hostage to your topic.
KAYLA: Unless it's very nasty, and then we'll say no. Stop.
SARAH: Try again.
KAYLA: So, yeah. So, Sarah requested that we talk about the ace community, and…
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: Yeah, you heard me. And, like, what we think of it, if we feel like we are part of it.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: So on, so forth.
SARAH: Yes. Kayla, do you… I'm very curious about your answer to this. Do you as a demisexual, heteroromantic woman, do you feel like you're a part of the ace community?
KAYLA: Um, I struggle with this, because I feel like I've said this before, but, like, when I'm in straight spaces, I feel very queer and I'm like these people like I feel very queer, at least more like queer-educated than certain groups of people. Do you know what I mean?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But then when I'm around queer people, I feel very straight.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: So, it's hard to feel in any one place. As for the ace community, I think it depends.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I think it depends on how many other demi people there are and how many other people who date there are.
SARAH: I see.
KAYLA: Because, I would say, for instance, in our Discord, I feel very part of the community, not only because I'm someone that made it, I guess, and it's like mine, I guess.
SARAH: It's your community.
KAYLA: It's mine? I don't know, that feels weird. But like, so not only is it like, mine, but also there's a lot of other like, demi people in it, there's people who are married, there's other people who are like, date or in long-term relationships, and so there I feel very welcome because I can like, see other people like me.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: If I go other places, I think I feel less like I belong there.
SARAH: Yeah, that's really interesting to me because like, as a person who's aro-ace, although my titles are kind of like, the… not like spearheads of the ace community and ace culture, but like, they're the big terms, like asexual, aromantic, because there is such a minority of people in the community who do identify as both. Like, I'm wondering if that's kind of part of the reason why I don't always feel entrenched in the community or the culture. And it was interesting because as I was thinking about this topic, at first, I didn't really want to talk about it because I didn't really want to admit that I don't feel like a big part of the community and of the culture, even though I have this podcast. But then I was like, I mean, apparently somehow, we became like experts on this topic. I'm not sure how, but I was like, if we are going to embrace that, like, we're knowledgeable that we're somehow faces of this community, which is weird. But if we are going to accept that, like, is this something that we should talk about? Like, I, as an aro-ace person who has a podcast about asexuality, don't always feel like I'm a part of the community or like I'm… like I feel at home in the culture.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, I think it's definitely interesting because like within, like I said, like within our own little group, I feel like, yeah, like, these are my people. And like, I feel very welcome. But I yeah, I agree. I think like the larger. I don't know. I mean, it's just hard because I'm so sorry. My cat is like about to tip over my entire lamp. Stop. Like that's a whole lamp, like a whole lamp on the ground.
SARAH: I think I might leave this in. This is fun.
KAYLA: She's such a piece of shit. Sorry, I was like really trying because I know you hate when I stop for the cat. But I kept at the corner of my eye. She kept doing it and I really tried to keep talking through it and I could not. She's going to do it again.
SARAH: Billie.
KAYLA: Piece of shit. Okay, yeah, I mean it's hard because like on the one hand I know the ace community is like relatively small relative to like other communities. But sometimes it still feels really big. Do you know what I mean?
SARAH: Oh, absolutely.
KAYLA: And like there's just different parts of it and some parts I'm kind of like, I don't know if that's for me, you know, I don't know.
SARAH: Right. Well, I think one of the things, but as I was thinking about it, I was like, I think the reason why it's so hard for me to pin down like what it is, is because, again, under this ace umbrella, there are so many different identities. And so, if you're just under the like gay umbrella, it's not much of an umbrella because a lot of the people in that group identify the exact same way. Whereas in ace-spec communities, like that's more often than not, not the case where there are a lot of different ways people identify. And so, although you're in this same group, you may not fully understand everyone else's experiences. And so, like, for me, it's hard to kind of pin down what ace culture is for that reason. And I think that's part of the reason why I don't always feel like I belong in ace community, just because I don't have a good idea of what that community is.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think, I don't know, ace culture is interesting. Because I think there's definitely like your staples of cake and, like, I don't understand some of the things other people talk about.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know.
SARAH: Yeah, it's weird.
KAYLA: Something that really has stuck out to me, and I think it's a hard thing to talk about when it comes to ace culture, is, I don't know where I saw this, maybe it was on Tumblr or Reddit or something, but someone who was ace was saying how they didn't really like, so I guess if you are unfamiliar, there's this whole, like, kind of cake thing.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That goes in ace circles, that I think started as like, oh well cake is better than sex, I think.
SARAH: Yeah, like I would rather have cake than sex.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Which is why I was so upset when I discovered that the song Cake by the Ocean is about sex and not cake. What?
KAYLA: No, it's definitely about sex.
SARAH: Ugh. Anyway.
KAYLA: So that's, now people will make like, you know, little art of cake or just like, I don't know, it's kind of like a symbol, I guess. And there's also for some reason, a lot of stuff about like dragons.
SARAH: Yeah.
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: I don't really know where that one came from.
SARAH: I think… isn't it just because like, isn't this like the idea of like people who were ace like growing up, everyone else was interested in like boys or girls and they were just like into dragons. Isn't that the joke?
KAYLA: Maybe?
SARAH: I think there's a joke something along those lines.
KAYLA: Okay. That seems right. But anyway, so someone was talking about like how they didn't really like that those were big things of ace culture because they said it makes it seem more childish.
SARAH: Interesting
KAYLA: And a lot of people already say to ace people like, oh, you're just not mature enough to understand sex. Like that's something that people hear a lot. And this person was saying that they didn't really like that because they thought it was kind of like perpetuating a stereotype.
SARAH: Hmm. Yeah.
KAYLA: Which that's just kind of like stuck with me of like, I don't… like I guess. I don't know. What do you think about that?
SARAH: I think it's interesting. I think the other thing that really stands out to me in terms of people like not liking those analogies and stuff is it definitely boxes in ace people as a very particular type of person. Like when you think about like dragons and like people who are into dragons like you think of like a specific type of nerd or geek and obviously not everyone who's like dragons is going to fit into any specific box. But I think there definitely is you know because there are these like staple metaphors or like I don't even know what to call them within the culture. I think it does kind of pigeonhole ace people into a certain box and I think that does happen with other sexualities. Like if you just look at like gay men like there's this certain expectation that there's going to be… that they're going to be more feminine than like your “average man.” But I do think that there is kind of like a pigeonholing that comes with these certain like expectations or ideas from the culture.
KAYLA: I agree. I think there's kind of like a certain way people maybe expect like asexual people to look.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Or yeah, they kind of expect them to more be along the lines of like someone like nerdier who is like you know into dragons or whatever. Which I don't know it's very interesting and I think it's really interesting when like people Yasmin, I don't know how to say her last name.
SARAH: Benoit? Benoit?
KAYLA: Benoit would be the French way. I don't know.
SARAH: That would be French.
KAYLA: But she's an asexual activist in the UK and she has been going to a ton of pride, like she's been invited to a ton of pride events recently which is really cool. And she's also black. But she's a model and she does lingerie modeling and will dress really provocatively and she also dresses really goth and she's the one that started the… this is what asexual looks like hashtag. And so, I think it's really interesting when people like that come in because then those are people that are obviously not going with that stereotype.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Like party and I… like worries and I think it's like comes with the worry of like any time that a particular group is like kind of represented by like just one person or like one person really stands out as like the activist of like I mean obviously she doesn't represent everyone that's asexual like some people are not comfortable sharing their bodies and like it makes them uncomfortable and you know blah blah blah whatever. So, it's just like really interesting to look at like as we grow as a community and we start having people that are bigger faces that you know either do or don't fall into certain stereotypes like I don’t know it's just interesting.
SARAH: Yeah, and I think that was… that's one of the things I really liked about the… this is what asexual looks like hashtag. I mentioned this on the pod where we were talking about that hashtag but like as I was looking through the tag, it was like, I was really kind of faced with for the first time like what this community looks like and the diversity within it and I was like, it was super exciting but also like kind of surprising because even as an aro-ace person myself who I don't know that I necessarily look like what people would expect an aro-ace person to look like. I mean I don't know what people expect but I still had this kind of ingrained idea in my head of what like ace-spec people look like and then I got to see this hashtag and I was like, it's such a diverse group of people and it's like some people wear makeup some people don't like it's, it's great.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think I definitely had that too of like, as much as I didn't want it I also kind of had an idea of like what an asexual person like might look like.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Which is like really stupid and like, you know, not ideal.
SARAH: It is
KAYLA: But yeah, I agree. I think that's what's great about that kind of thing.
KAYLA: Shut up
SARAH: Billie! Billie has something to say. Let her speak.
KAYLA: What do you have to say? Come here. Speak into the mic. What do you have?
SARAH: For new listeners, Billie is Kayla's cat, in case that was unclear.
KAYLA: What are you saying? I'm holding her up to the mic. Her heart is beating very fast. You nervous? About how…
SARAH: Nervous about being on the pod?
KAYLA: She doesn't like this too much.
SARAH: Alright. Well…
KAYLA: That's what we get, huh?
SARAH: Thank you for contributing, Billie.
KAYLA: Yeah, special guest, Billie.
SARAH: Yeah, and I think that is just like one of the strange things about having this podcast because obviously, well, obvious to us, maybe not obvious to all of our listeners, but obvious to us is that we went into this podcast for fun. we didn't go into this with any intention of expanding ace communities or being some sort of like… we weren't even like, oh, the ace community lacks podcasts, let's make one. We were just like, hmm, this would be a funny podcast.
KAYLA: We were just like we want to make a podcast
SARAH: And so, like the fact that we've kind of stumbled into kind of creating our own community is, for starters, wild. But like… and this might surprise a lot of our listeners, but for me, my aro-ace identity is not really a big part of my life. Like, I do this pod and that's it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And my identity, in a lot of ways, impacts how I'm going to live my life. Like, you know, I'm probably not going to get married and I don't want to have kids, so figuring out how to do that is not a concern for me. Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. But in terms of like, when I go to describe myself, like, my sexuality is not one of the first things I'll list. And part of this is because I just, I don't know how people will react. I don't want to give a TED Talk. I really honestly hate giving the TED Talk. I was very happy to do it for this pod, but having to do it in person is hard, which is why we made the pod of the TED Talk. And it's not something you necessarily have the energy to do all the time. But I think the other part of it is just that, like, it's a part of me, but it doesn't define me. And I know everyone, especially queer folks, everyone kind of views their identity differently. But I really think the only reason I interact with my sexuality in the way I do is because the world is so heteronormative. And so, I'm kind of forced to be like, what the fuck is going on? And that's the reason we started the pod, is because of this heteronormativity that made me be like, what's going on?
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, when I like… when we started the podcast, I didn't even know I was Demi. I mean, I really didn't think that we were going to have any part in the community at all. And even when we made the Discord, we kind of did that on a whim of like I was using Discord for some other stuff and was like, oh, this could be a cool idea. And then we just did it. And now people have a good time in there and talk to each other and help each other with their problems and stuff.
SARAH: Which is so cool, but certainly not what we expected or anticipated with this podcast.
KAYLA: Yeah, I definitely think it is weird because outside of the podcast, my sexuality really isn't a huge part of my identity either. Partly because, don't I know, just the nature of the way my demisexuality is once I'm in a relationship. It kind of doesn't matter anymore. I don't want to say it doesn't matter.
SARAH: It doesn't impact things in the way it might impact things when you're not in a relationship yet.
KAYLA: Yeah. When I'm actively dating, which I have done a few times since realizing I was demi, then it's something that I definitely think about a lot, but part of it I think is just because it's not super relevant to where I am in my life right now. But also because of the weird thing between I feel kind of straight, I feel kind of ace, you know, that whole thing. So yeah, outside of our own kind of little group, I don't feel super in the asexual community or necessarily part of the culture. And I don't even really know what the culture is.
SARAH: And I think that's an important thing to talk about because I think, I mean, anyone who listens to this podcast is honestly probably a step ahead of me in that they're listening to a podcast about asexuality.
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Like if I didn't have a podcast about asexuality, I don't think I would listen to podcasts about asexuality. And so, anyone who's kind of in this community, like in our little community to begin with, is a step ahead of where I am in terms of being involved. But not everyone has to have the same level of involvement in a particular community or a particular culture. You can just be ace-spec and that's it. Be ace-spec, cool. You don't have to wear a black ring on your middle finger if you don't want to. You don't have to do any of the ace things or talk about being ace in your bios online. You don't have to do any of those things and you absolutely can. And if that's something you're interested in, absolutely by all means do it. I don't do it and I have a podcast about asexuality. Everything is a spectrum, Kayla. We're back to the spectrum thing.
KAYLA: It definitely is really weird though because we definitely are both very removed. There's definitely a lot of people that follow us on Twitter that have ace in their bio and do a lot of stuff with asexuality on their Twitter. And then you look at us and we have this podcast. Like Sarah said, we did kind of just stumble into this, but it is definitely weird.
SARAH: Yeah, and I think the super interesting thing too is that you seem to do a better job of advertising the pod from your own personal accounts than I am. Which may just be a testament to the fact that that is what you do for your job. But it's interesting to me that you even on the internet are more open about your connection to this pod than I am. The podcast website is listed as my website on Twitter and that's it. Yeah. It's not something that I feel the need to be like, oh this is what I am and oh you should listen to my podcast. I don't ever tell people in real life that I have a podcast unless it comes up some other way.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I think that's partially just a testament to my personality of I don't want your attention in that way. But also, just it's not a big part of my life and I like that I do get to talk about it every week with you and I like that it is kind of this little thing we do. But I think it… I've definitely learned a lot from doing this podcast but it doesn't make me feel any more or less I guess a part of the culture than I was before it.
KAYLA: This is not to say also us saying the stuff that like the podcast isn't important to us.
SARAH: Oh no the podcast is very important to us.
KAYLA: Yeah, like the podcast is very important to us.
SARAH: It's just that like although the podcast is important to me and I enjoy doing it, it's also just like it's this thing that I do separately from everything else. Does that make… does anything I'm saying make sense?
KAYLA: I think it does.
SARAH: Okay. Because like I don't want to say that my identity doesn't matter to me because it does. It's just like it's just like a couple shelves down. Like it's like most important things are on the top shelf and then like it's a couple shelves down. And if for you that's not the case then that's totally cool. But it's just like… I think it's important for people to know that like even people like us, you know, you can be wherever you feel comfortable being in terms of how much your sexuality kind of consumes your life or is a major part of your identity.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, I think people kind of order their identities in a lot of different ways. Like maybe like your job is a really big part of your identity or like your gender or your race, you know, it's just like different. But yeah, I do think it's interesting. Yeah, how much more because I think I am a lot more open about talking about it than you are, which I do think is somewhat because of like what I do. Like, I put the podcast like on my resume because like the stuff I'm doing for the podcast is like relevant to what I do in my career. And like I talk about it at work because I'm starting a podcast for my company. And so I have to talk about like my experiences. So, yeah, it is very different. I also think, I don't know, like I think it's also easier for me to talk about because my sexuality is a bit easier to talk about.
SARAH: Yeah, like if you give the TED talk, you're not necessarily giving the TED talk about yourself.
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Whereas, or at least to a lesser extent you are. Whereas to me, it's like me doing the TED talk is me explaining my entire sexuality and as a person who is not very like emotionally available, I don't like to do that.
KAYLA: It's also possible for me, and sometimes I do say this, of just saying like it's about asexuality, my co-host is asexual. Like that's a possibility for me and like not so much for Sarah.
SARAH: Yeah, that's true.
KAYLA: I don't know. It's definitely like, I don't know, the community thing is definitely interesting because there have been like a lot of times, like for me, like end game for my career would be like nonprofit work. And I've a lot of times thought about like it would be really cool to work with like an LGBTQIA+ like nonprofit or like queer nonprofit. And then I always have this thought of like, well, but I'm straight or like in their eyes, I'm not like queer enough. And like, even though I do have this experience that I could like put on my resume of like, look at this podcast, like, it's kind of like, I don't know, it's very interesting because it's like unless I'm a packaged deal with Sarah, like I'm intruding on this space. So, I don't know, it's very interesting.
SARAH: Yeah. Another thing I thought of, like, especially when you brought up the Discord is I like you are more active in the Discord than I am. And…
KAYLA: I mean, I think we're both kind of bad at it now.
SARAH: Yeah, but still, you're better at it than I am. And I think, like, there are definitely people in the Discord who are way more, at least from my perspective, who are way more embedded in the culture and the community than me and Kayla are. Which is such, like, looking at it from, like, an outsider's point of view, you're like, that doesn't make sense. You're literally the one with the podcast. The Discord is for your podcast. But, like, just looking at, like, how embedded people are in the culture and in the community, like, I almost feel like I'm, like, playing second fiddle to those people. And I don't mean that in a bad way. Like, I don't, like, I'm not like, oh, they are so much better aces than me. Like, that's not the way I approach it at all. But I just, it is just interesting to me that, like, I do think that there are people, like, even within our own little pod community who are a lot more embedded in ace culture and community. And, like, that's cool. Like, I'm glad that they are. I'm glad that they find solace in that.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think there definitely are people that are way more, yeah, just, like, embedded in it than we are. There are people that are like, oh, yeah, I'm, like, in this other, like, ace discord or, like, I'm part of this group. Like, I know several people have found us through, like, ace groups at school and stuff. And, like, yeah, it's just, like, more than me or you have ever done.
SARAH: Yeah. I've never joined any sort of ace or queer group at all. So, more power to you, y'all.
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: True. I mean, I guess to kind of wrap up this idea, I would say I think it's important for us to talk about how we do or don't feel like we fit into the community. Like I'm the kind of person that's like, I'm very confident that I am considered queer. Like I, if you try and tell me I'm not, I'll fight you. But when it comes down to like the nitty gritty like aspects of ace culture and ace community, I'm not always as informed or involved with them. And I think obviously doing this podcast has helped me become more informed and involved with that. But I think for anyone listening, like whatever level of comfort you have with being involved and embedded in ace culture, ace community, queer culture, queer community, don't feel like you have to be involved a certain amount or else you're not queer enough, you're not ace enough. Because I mean, if that were the case, then we wouldn't be ace enough, probably.
KAYLA: Yeah, for sure.
SARAH: So yeah, I mean everyone, like even us who have a podcast aren't always super involved in the culture because it may not necessarily always be the right thing for us. But this podcast is the right thing for us, so we do it. So do what works for you.
KAYLA: Yeah, and I mean, if you think about it, neither of us felt particularly, I don't want to say comfortable, but we just weren't really in the culture. And if you think about what we did, is we just made our own space within it that we do feel good in. So, I mean, if that's an option for you of like, you don't feel like super great or like very welcome or like super into the idea of being in the ace culture, but you want kind of a community or something, like, I mean, try to build your own little thing, you know?
[00:30:00]
SARAH: Or join our little thing. Join our Discord.
KAYLA: Our Discord is very nice.
SARAH: If you don't feel comfortable in the greater ace community, our Discord is kind of like a little pocket of that and it might be a good space for some of you if you are not already in it.
KAYLA: Yeah, it is very nice.
SARAH: And I'm not just saying that as a means to self-promo, like I'm personally I'm often not in the Discord, like I jumped in and said something yesterday and someone was like, oh my god, it's Sarah.
KAYLA: And then I came in a little later and they were like, oh my god, I got both of them. Truly, it's very wild.
SARAH: But I think like I just I'm very proud of that little community, even though like I feel like I didn't do anything to contribute to it. But like other than just like being a part of this podcast. But like I think that's a great little community, even if I don't always know what's going on in it because they're always very supportive of each other and very kind. And it's very nice.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, I guess final thoughts. So, this was the way Sarah Jones actually worded the question or topic. She said, I would like to see you guys talk about ace culture and how much you do or don't connect with it. So, I guess final thoughts. I think like ace culture is good like any other culture or kind of like, you know, just general like way of things. You know, there's always stereotypes that come with it or like certain things that not everyone connects with. And I don't know, I'd say I don't necessarily feel super connected to the community at large, but I feel very connected to like the little niche that we have carved into it.
SARAH: I feel like… I feel very culture and community and by that, I mean ace culture and ace community adjacent. I feel like if I ever want to dip my toes in, I feel like I'm in a place where I absolutely can. But I just don't feel the urge to dip my toes in that often. And so, I don't, it's not like the ace culture feels alienating to me. It's just like it's not… the way it is right now is just not a place where I feel the need to go swimming all the time. But sometimes you got to take a little dip and it's fun and it's good.
KAYLA: Yeah, and I would definitely say I do think that a large part of that comes from our personalities too.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Of just who we are as people. You not necessarily feeling the need to be part of a community and maybe me being a bit more interested. Like I think it definitely aligns with who we are as people.
SARAH: Yeah, yeah. And also, that analogy about swimming really reflects my feelings about swimming in general. Like, don't really want to do it all the time, but like occasionally I'll just do a little dip, you know? If there's a hot tub involved, like I'm more likely. Like our little Discord and our little community is like a hot tub. I'm like more interested in that than like the big pool, you know?
KAYLA: And then people who are on both are like the people where you like get in the hot tub and then you get really warm and then you jump in the pool and it like feels really good because you're like hot in the hot tub.
SARAH: And then they like convince me to jump in the pool and I'm like, alright fine, I'll do it just because you're doing it, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah. Okay, well it's not like they're peer pressuring us, Jesus, Sarah.
SARAH: Oh no, I just mean like I wouldn't necessarily jump into the pool like it wouldn't necessarily be my idea, but like if someone else is like, hey, let's jump in the pool, I might be like okay.
Hmm, okay.
SARAH: There's your analogy.
KAYLA: You're welcome, everybody.
SARAH: Woohoo, alright, what's our pool for this week?
KAYLA: Uh, I don't know.
SARAH: Do you feel like you are a part… like do you feel like you connect with ace culture slash community?
KAYLA: Yes, no, and then like maybe.
SARAH: What about people who, I guess there aren't that many of my listeners who aren't ace-spec.
KAYLA: There are very few.
SARAH: There are very few. We know that from our lol.
KAYLA: Should I say like ace culture or like ace-spec culture?
SARAH: Uh, ace-spec
KAYLA: I don't want to exclude our aro children.
SARAH: Yeah, let's say aspec culture because in my mind they're kind of, they're all, it's all connected.
KAYLA: I agree, but you know.
SARAH: Okay, cool. Do you have beef and juice this week?
KAYLA: I'm still typing.
SARAH: So, I'm going to go first as usual. My beef is, it's twofold. My beef is a lack of productivity in my life. But then the second part of that beef is the fact that I live in an uber capitalist culture in which our human worth is defined by productivity and having a shitty week or month or year makes me feel guilty. That's stupid too. So, there's that. My juice is Six the Musical. Great time. It's about the six wives of Henry the Eighth. But it's like, they're the only characters and it is a British girl band pop live concert.
KAYLA: Oh wow.
SARAH: It's wild. And also, my other juice is that the entire touring cast of The Lightning Thief the Musical is going to Broadway and nine out of the ten actors are making their Broadway debuts and I think that's wonderful.
KAYLA: That's so cute.
SARAH: Also, I thought of another juice as we were talking on this pod. I feel like my juice is that this pod has made me more eloquent with talking.
KAYLA: Hmm.
SARAH: Like I'm not that good at…
KAYLA: That was so ineloquent of you.
SARAH: I talk better now. No, I just like I'm much more eloquent when I am writing than when I am talking because I have more time to think about what I'm saying. But I think although this pod has also made me hyper aware of how often I say um and like, I do think that it has made me a little bit more eloquent on this pod which is probably good. It's probably a good thing. Alright, I think I used the word solace a couple minutes ago and I was like wow, I really did that.
KAYLA: Oh my god, Sarah.
SARAH: Alright, what's your beef and juice?
KAYLA: My beef, uh, I guess the fact that I had to like run barefoot through my parking lot in the rain earlier.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: The economy, we're supposed to recess next year, not super jazzed about that one.
SARAH: Yeah, and it's Hundo P. Trump's fault, so cool.
KAYLA: Oh, obviously. So not feeling great about entering adulthood in the recession, but...
SARAH: At least you already have a job.
KAYLA: Yeah, but I also have to worry about other people getting jobs, so...
SARAH: That's true, but like...
KAYLA: Not great.
SARAH: Listen, it's easier for an engineer to get a job than a... or a computer scientist to get a job than a me.
KAYLA: Yeah, but here's the problem, Sarah. If he gets a job in Silicon Valley. You know what the first department they cut is during the recession?
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: Marketing
SARAH: Hmm.
KAYLA: So, if I have to move to him...
SARAH: I see.
KAYLA: No, no.
SARAH: Uh-oh.
KAYLA: I mean, he is going to move to me. He said he'll move wherever I want, but still.
SARAH: Oh my god, Kayla. Okay. Anyway, what's your juice?
KAYLA: Uh, my juice is... I've been embroidering lately. It's been a good time.
SARAH: Hit up her Instagram if you want to see it.
KAYLA: True. One of my next ones is going to be, I'm going to try to do Georgie.
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: I have a very large sweatshirt.
SARAH: Not Herbert, because Herbert is yours and Georgie is mine.
KAYLA: Oh no, I forgot.
SARAH: You damn fool.
KAYLA: I'm a damn fool. Yeah, I'm going to do Herbert. I have a very large sweatshirt because I'm a thot for a big sweatshirt and I'm just like covering it in patches and stuff.
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And doing the podcast logo is like really hard for embroidery so I'm just going to do Herbert instead.
SARAH: What do you mean it's hard? You just got some... That was my description of our logo.
KAYLA: I know, but it's like I tried just drawing it out and it was going poorly so... No.
SARAH: Unbelievable.
KAYLA: Maybe one day, but no.
SARAH: One day when you're an expert at embroidery and then you can get a job in embroidery regardless of the recession because embroidery is hot at all times.
KAYLA: I mean, think about it, I kind of have a job podcasting now because I am podcasting at work now. So.
SARAH: That's true, but I mean just this podcast alone does not pay the rent.
KAYLA: Can you believe it y'all? It does, you know I figured out though so I finally... Oh, this is my true beef. Back it up.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: So, you know how Xfinity has hotspots?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, there's one, when I moved into my current apartment, the girl that was living here before was like, oh yeah there's an Xfinity hotspot really close so I just use my parents' Xfinity login and that's what I use for my internet so I don't have to pay for internet. And I was like, that is so lit. I don't want to pay for internet. So, I moved in and I started using the hotspot and it worked fine for a little bit and then it got really spotty and then this past weekend it finally just stopped working at all.
SARAH: Can't believe you have to pay for your own internet. Wild.
KAYLA: I know. I know. So, I spent all weekend talking to Comcast, they were really stupid. Now I have to stay home from work tomorrow morning for them to come to my home.
SARAH: Oh my god.
KAYLA: So that's my real beef. But the juice of that is I realized that the money we get on Patreon pays for my internet bill.
SARAH: Just internet?
KAYLA: Well, it pays for a little bit more because y'all are very generous. But I'm just saying, my internet bill is covered by the podcast. Because I do need the internet for the podcast.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: You heard it here first kids. Your Patreon contributions are supporting Kayla's internet connection.
KAYLA: You guys literally are paying some of my bills. I don't know guys, you are paying my bills.
SARAH: Oh man, incredible. Alright well speaking of our Patreon, our lovely, lovely, lovely patrons on Patreon. Oh wait, we have social media, @SoundsFakePod, whatever, okay.
KAYLA: Sarah
SARAH: Our Patreon is patreon.com/soundsfakepod. Our $2 patrons are Keith McBlaine, Roxanne AliceisinSpace, Anonymous, Nathan Dennison, Mariah, woo. Keith McBlaine, no, ah, woo, ha hi.
KAYLA: Oh my God
SARAH: Should I just leave that in?
KAYLA: I guess.
SARAH: Nathan Dennison, Mariah Walter, Jonathan, Changeling MX, and Christopher T. Verdeary. Did you see Changeling's tweet about how we pronounced their name last week?
KAYLA: Yes, this week I will pronounce it, Haaahh
SARAH: That was incredible. Our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Asthritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney, Perry Fiero, my aunt Jeannie, D, Megan Raul, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, Tim, Ryan, Lucietti, and Book Marvel. Our $10 patrons are Kevin and Tessa, @dirtyuncleKevin and at Tessa_m_k. Arcness who would like to promote Trevor Project, Benjamin Ibarra who would like to promote tabletop games, and anonymous who would like to promote summer break which is almost over. We should contact Anonymous and ask them if they want to change it.
KAYLA: Anonymous, it's time. I know people that have gone back to school.
SARAH: Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White, Nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, my mom Julie who would like to promote the organization Free Mom Hugs, and Sarah Jones, the wonderful, wonderful human @Eternal Lolli everywhere who...
KAYLA: Thank you for sponsoring this episode specially.
SARAH: I mean, that is kind of what it is.
KAYLA: It really is.
SARAH: Well, thank you for this episode topic. It was wonderful. Thank you for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.