Ep 38: Everyone Feels Shitty Sometimes (or, Being Jealous of Non-Ace People)
SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA: And a demi straight girl (that’s me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: Being jealous of non aro-ace people.
BOTH: — Sounds fake, but okay.
*Intro music*
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, I'm Sarah, that's me.
KAYLA: And a demi straight girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, being jealous of non-aro-ace people. Sounds fake but okay.
BOTH: Sounds fake but okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Sarah, where are you?
SARAH: I'm in California.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: I am in Los Angeles and my window is open so I'm sorry if you hear noises because I'm right by Hollywood Boulevard. Don't come stalk me.
KAYLA: She's a fancy lady. Don't come stalk me.
SARAH: She's fancy. No. I was just telling Kayla, Hollywood Boulevard is the literal worst.
KAYLA: Looks like trash, to be honest.
SARAH: Yeah. Yup. I know that we had a previous episode where we're like, it’s our first remotely recorded, but this is the first remotely recorded where we're actually across the country from each other.
KAYLA: Yeah, because last time, we were just in different places in Michigan, but now –
SARAH: We've got a three-hour time difference.
KAYLA: Yeah. So I'm going to go to bed after this. Sarah just got home from work, and just ate dinner. We're out here.
SARAH: Good stuff. All right. Well, the topic for this week's episode was a thing that I thought of a couple of days ago.
KAYLA: Yeah. You texted me and you were like, I have an idea. I put it in there and I ranted, and I was like, okay.
SARAH: Yup. Yeah. I mean, I was going to say it kind of overlaps with some of our previous pods, but that's true of all of them at this point, like whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah. That's pretty true.
SARAH: All right. Here's some context. I was watching YouTube, and I was watching Jenna Marbles –
KAYLA: Queen.
SARAH: You know, we love her. She and her boyfriend Julien recently bought a house, and the video was like, (sings) "Hey, we're moving in."
KAYLA: Just like that.
SARAH: They were like just doing domestic shit. They were like, we need to buy a table and we need to buy some silverware, and they bought a golden spoon, much to Jenna's dismay. But anyway, where I'm going with this is that I was watching that, and I was just like, wow, I'll never have that, which isn't necessarily true.
KAYLA: No. It's not.
SARAH: But it did make me think of like, okay, in what ways am I – Not mad at my own sexuality, but just jealous of other sexualities. Not in the sense of like I'm putting my own sexuality down, just like, it'd be nice if I had it in the way that other people do.
KAYLA: Yeah. I definitely have those thoughts sometimes.
SARAH: Yeah. It's like before we go too much into this episode, I would like to say all sexualities are valid, all of them are wonderful, and regardless of your sexuality, I really encourage you to appreciate the sexuality you have, even if that takes a little while to get to.
I definitely support my own sexuality, I'm not mad that I'm aro-ace in any way. At least, I don't try to be. Point being, we're just talking about things.
KAYLA: Yeah, but I feel like this is normal too. You can love your sexuality as much as you want, but we've talked about it before, it's a continual journey of accepting yourself and getting through it, and sometimes this stuff just happens and that's completely normal. I don't think it's a bad thing to have these kinds of feelings, and to talk about them.
SARAH: That's kind of what I wanted to make sure I said at this point, or at some point in this conversation, was that if you are ever jealous of another sexuality, it doesn't make you a bad person.
KAYLA: No. I think it's completely normal.
SARAH: Yeah, disclaimer – Remember when we used to do disclaimers? Now we're just like, ugh, whatever.
KAYLA: Now we're just like ah, you get it. You're here. We all know.
SARAH: Yeah. I guess that was our disclaimer for the week. I don't know. Diving in from there, because I guess just the thing I was thinking of is yes, QPRs are totally a thing, and plenty of people have wonderful, fulfilling QPRs that sort of function like the relationships that we think of in terms of romantic relationships. They function in the same way, just without the romance and the doing the do.
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: However, I was just thinking there are so few people who actually know that QPRs are a thing.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And also the ace community is not overly large. There are a lot of people in the world who I think fall under the ace umbrella, but don't realize it. And so the pool of people to be in a QPR with is just very small. I realized as I was thinking this, I was like, I guess this is what people feel like when they're worried about never finding someone to marry?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I was like, wow, that's something that I've never really felt myself now, but here we are. Because I just feel like obviously, there are people who have QPRs, but it's like what are the odds that I, as an ace person find someone who a) wants to be in a QPR with me and b) I like enough to want to –
KAYLA: Sarah, I am right here.
SARAH: Bitch.
KAYLA: God.
SARAH: You are trying to find an actual person to have a – I say this as if I'm not an actual person.
KAYLA: I can have both, Sarah.
SARAH: But I'm always going to feel like I'm just your side piece, you know?
KAYLA: That's okay.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: For you.
KAYLA: Listen, Sarah, I can financially aid you, so it's fine.
SARAH: Do you want to live in LA?
KAYLA: Mmm, I don't know.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Well, we can have a long distance QPR.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: That’s not – No.
KAYLA: Fine. Reject my proposal. It's fine. I'm not crying. It's fine.
SARAH: I mean, I invited you to live in Los Angeles.
KAYLA: I know. We'll see what happens. We could end up there.
SARAH: Yeah. When this hit me recently – Because I was thinking also about my progression as an ace person. As a youth, I was just not into relationships and I was expecting to end up straight, and then –
KAYLA: That's such a funny thing to say.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: Here we are.
SARAH: It didn't happen. Then I realized that wasn't true, and then I was trying to figure it all out and then I was like, yeah, it's okay to be just alone, I'm going to have a dog. Which I'm going to, you know?
But now that I have sort of my own self figured out, I'm just like, oh, society. Because society is like, hey, if you don't get married –
KAYLA: You're sad.
SARAH: You're sad. Exactly. That statement is not inherently right, but for some people it could be.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: For me, it's just sort of unchartered territory, because the life I'm going to lead does not follow the societal norm, and so people who deviate from that path, have to figure it out themselves, which is what I'm having to do.
KAYLA: Yeah. When we first did our episode on QPRs, it was like episode three, I feel like I remember asking you would you ever want to be in a QPR, and you were like, I don't really know. You didn't have any strong feelings on it, but now it seems like now that you've figured out more stuff, it's becoming something you're actually thinking about.
SARAH: Yeah. I think for me, though, it's harder to imagine it, because it's like as a person who has never wanted a romantic relationship, it's hard for me to imagine myself in anything that resembles one.
KAYLA: Yeah. That's fair.
SARAH: I'm also just like, who would I want that to be, that would want also that? And it's just like I can't imagine that person, you know what I mean?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Not as a dig at myself being like, no one will ever QPR me, but –
KAYLA: Oh my God. QPR me, papi.
SARAH: Yeah. But more of like, what are the odds I actually – There are so few people who would qualify.
KAYLA: Yeah. For me, I feel like a QPR would be like our friendship, where we've lived together for a while, but on steroids. Then, first, you have to make a friend –
KAYLA: And then you have to get on steroids? That seems like a lot, I don't know.
SARAH: (laughing) First, you have to get a friend.
(10:00)
KAYLA: Find an exit buddy, and do steroids with them.
SARAH: (laughing) I hate this.
KAYLA: Sarah, at our QPR wedding ceremony can we take steroids?
SARAH: No. Not unless we're ill.
KAYLA: But then our friendship would be on steroids.
SARAH: Stop.
KAYLA: Sarah.
SARAH: Don't go on steroids unless you've been prescribed them by a doctor.
KAYLA: But I need them for my wedding.
SARAH: (laughing) No. Anyway, yeah. For me, it's just very hard to imagine that. Part of me is like, I should have that because it'll fulfill me, because that's what the world tells me will happen, but also it's like I can't imagine it really at all. It's a weird thing.
KAYLA: So you don't know if you actually want it, or it's just something that you think you want?
SARAH: It's something that I wouldn't be opposed to, but I just can't ever – It's hard to imagine it happening. Like I wouldn't know what to expect. I would know what to expect – It's hard to explain.
KAYLA: That's fair. I feel like, for me – I don't know. I've always wanted to get married and so even though I can't imagine what a marriage is supposed to be like really – I don't know, because I've watched other people be in long-term relationships and get married. You have more of a model I guess, but even then I don't really know what's going on, but you even have less of an idea what's going on.
SARAH: Right. In the same way, the only model I have is other people's marriages. There aren't a lot of other models for me other than marriage, or just a long-term romantic relationship.
KAYLA: Yeah. I don't think we know anyone in a QPR, do we?
SARAH: No. I don't. That's fun.
KAYLA: If anyone’s in a QPR, tell us and learn us about it.
SARAH: Yeah. Let us know, that'd be interesting. Just on a very basic level, the world is built for couples. It's easier to be married, just for financial reasons and –
KAYLA: Oh, yeah. For health reasons and everything.
SARAH: Death reasons.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like next of kin and that sort of stuff. Just being married is a logistical benefit, that's just a disadvantage for me, is – You know, now that same-sex marriage is legal, legally –
KAYLA: You have so many options.
SARAH: Legally, everyone is on the same ground kind of, assuming it's a monogamous relationship, but – Which, you know, we're not going to assume that but it's also important to know. So the thing that made me think of this was watching Jenna and Julien, and not everyone is going to get it as good as them. In terms of, they have a really good relationship, they also have a lot of money –
KAYLA: Well, to be fair, they're also posting these videos on YouTube, and we're only seeing the best side of them.
SARAH: Oh, yeah. For sure.
KAYLA: You're really not seeing the ugly side that comes with every relationship.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It's definitely not as all happy and stuff as they're showing, I'm sure.
SARAH: People tend to – lol, punny, romanticize marriage – It's punny, because romance.
KAYLA: Thank you.
SARAH: You're welcome. You know, not everyone is going to have the happy marriage that you see on TV.
KAYLA: Marriage is also just a lot of work. Living with the same person and doing things with them and building a life with them for 30, 40 years, that takes a toll.
SARAH: Or more.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's not like it's not work and that you just are there. You know? You have to put a lot in.
SARAH: Exactly. It's like I recognize that I have privilege in the fact that I have a choice here, because some people don't have a choice about marriage.
KAYLA: Yeah. That's true.
SARAH: And all that jazz but I just – We struggle.
KAYLA: We struggle.
SARAH: Yeah. I guess for the first time in my life I'm sort of understanding to a certain extent why people want that picture-perfect marriage, and why they aspire to that because before I was just like, okay, whatever.
KAYLA: Well, so what about it is appealing to you?
SARAH: It's not that I find it appealing, per se. It's more that I understand why other people find it appealing. You know?
KAYLA: Okay. That makes sense.
SARAH: Which I hadn't really thought about much before.
KAYLA: How dare you not think about other people?
SARAH: Yeah. I think it's also definitely tied to okay, I'm about to go into my senior year of college, so it's like this is the time when people start panicking about their futures. It's also the thought of, oh, all my friends are going to get married and then hate me, which I know isn't true –
KAYLA: That's not going to happen.
SARAH: I think it's related to that thought. You know?
KAYLA: Yeah. Also, people always get engaged this time of year, and this year a lot of people I know, that I went to high school with and my sister that have gotten engaged this past month, is literally insane, and it's scary. Stop.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That probably doesn't help either.
SARAH: Also, a lot of people get married at the end of senior year of college. There are probably going to be people that we personally know, and are the same age as –
KAYLA: (gasps) Ew, okay. None of our good friends, I don't think, are in long-term enough relationships for that, though. So we might be safe.
SARAH: I mean, there are people who are in pretty long-term relationships, but not ready to get married long-term.
KAYLA: Yeah. I think we might be safe. We might be safe from it.
SARAH: There might be people who we – I mean, not necessarily in our friend group necessarily but people who we're still kind of friends with.
KAYLA: I don't like that. That scares me. No.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Nope.
SARAH: Yeah. I think it's partially tied to that just like, I'm about to graduate college and it's time for an existential crisis."
KAYLA: Well, it's also hard because you're moving many states away, and –
SARAH: Yeah. I'm moving very far – I mean, people have moved farther, but in terms of within the United States, moving, I'm moving about as far as I could move.
KAYLA: Yeah, which is scary because I have been thinking about that too. I don't know where I'm going to go after I graduate, and get a job. I don't want to live alone, because I hate being alone.
SARAH: Exactly.
KAYLA: I know, for me, I feel like if I was in your position, it would be even worse because I would be, well, I don't – Because then that takes away a whole relationship option, and I'm already so worried about dying alone, and then you take away a whole category of people, and I'm like, who?
SARAH: Yeah. For me, this is partially career stuff but, listen, it's all tied together. Because of my career, I don't have a lot of choice in where I go. And so I know that the likelihood of me being near my current closest friends upon graduation, or upon starting my career is extremely low.
KAYLA: You're saying current like I won't always be your closest friend? I’m offended.
SARAH: But like that's the thing is that, if I live somewhere else, I'm going to have to make new friends and that's not to say that we won't still be friends –
KAYLA: I don’t know about – I think no.
SARAH: You want me to be lonely forever?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: But that's the thing, I'm not super great at maintaining relationships when you don't see them relatively often.
KAYLA: It's very hard.
SARAH: It's like I don't want to lose the relationships I have now, but it's like I'm living with the knowledge that I might –
KAYLA: It is hard.
SARAH: Just because I'm going to be so far away from everyone.
It'd be one thing if I were staying home, but because I do plan on leaving, and that's why I do want to stay home for a hot second before I leave. I don't want to just graduate and then the next day move.
KAYLA: Bye.
SARAH: Yeah. Anyway, that got a little off-topic.
KAYLA: What else is new?
SARAH: Yeah, you know. I was thinking about this, and I was just like, well, what it all comes down to is everyone just wants people to love them, and it's like –
KAYLA: That's pretty fair.
SARAH: It's like just because someone is ace doesn't mean that's not true. I think that is a misunderstanding a lot of people have about ace people is that relationships aren't important to them, but that's super not true.
KAYLA: I have definitely heard that from people.
SARAH: Yeah. It's like relationships are extremely important to ace people and obviously, it's going to change from person to person, how much they need to be around people or how much their relationships matter to them. But how much they value relationships is not a reflection of their sexuality, but a reflection of their person.
(20:00)
KAYLA: I would say for – I mean, I obviously cannot say if this is true for all ace people because that's not how anything works, but people like you I think have a good understanding of how important platonic relationships are too. And so when you find anyone that understands the importance of platonic relationships, not just romantic ones and maybe quite often, those kind of people would also be ace just because that's something they deal with, those are people that relationships and friendships are going to be extra important to.
SARAH: Yeah. I think as an ace person, or especially since realizing I was aro-ace, my platonic relationships – I wouldn't say that they've become more important to me, but I have actively recognized more how important they are to me.
KAYLA: You're more aware of them.
SARAH: Right. I think I value platonic relationships a lot more than people who don't think about that, do.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: You know, that's fun stuff because you know how some people when they get in a relationship, they just ditch all their friends –
KAYLA: That is my biggest fear is doing that.
SARAH: It's the worst.
KAYLA: I definitely have known people that do that.
SARAH: I hate it, especially, because I value platonic relationships so much, and it's like what are you doing? Do you think this one person can sustain you for the rest of your life? They won't.
KAYLA: That's always my biggest fear. I feel like every time I start dating someone new, I'm hyper-aware of how much time I'm spending with them, compared to my friends, because I'm like I can't spend too much time with them, I have friends, I need to hang out with my friends. I've definitely seen that happen and it just goes so downhill for everyone.
SARAH: I mean, it's good that you're aware of that at least.
KAYLA: Yeah. I don't know how good I am at balancing it, but I think about it all the time.
SARAH: I would say you're not bad at it.
KAYLA: Oh, that's good. Thank you.
SARAH: You're welcome. I guess the point I want to make here is that having fulfilling relationships is important to everyone, and just because someone is ace, doesn't mean that's not true, they just may view it differently. Granted, I know a lot of our listeners are ace. Even our ace listeners, or aro listeners, wherever you fall in the umbrella, or out of it – If they fall out of the umbrella, does that make them rain?
KAYLA: Yup.
SARAH: Okay (laughs). Regardless of where you fall, listen, I urge you because I've been urging people to do things recently –
KAYLA: You sure have.
SARAH: I was the one who tweeted the urging tweet.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Which is unusual. I don't usually tweet from our Twitter, it's usually Kayla.
KAYLA: You don't, but when it's serious issues that are very ace –
SARAH: Kayla's like, you do it.
KAYLA: Well, because I can't speak to that. I'm not ace.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That's not appropriate I don't think.
SARAH: All right. Regardless, I urge y'all – y’all (laughs) to think about your relationships, and the different types of relationships you have, and think about the value that you place on them. And if you notice that you're valuing some relationships way more than others, I urge you to look at how you're valuing your relationships, and maybe reconsider, maybe not, if you don't feel you need to, but just think about it because all of your relationships, all of the different types of relationships, they're important, okay?
KAYLA: Yeah. I feel like – I don't know if you feel this way, but I feel like it's so common for people that aren't aro-ace to be thinking like, oh, my long-term relationship, my one lasting relationship is going to be the person I marry, and I think it's important for – I don't know if aro-ace people just don't think about who is going to be their lifelong anything, but I feel like it's important, especially for people that aren't aro-ace, to realize that it's not only the person you're going to marry that's going to be in your life, your whole life. You can have other friendships that can last that long. There are ways people can have lifelong things that are just as fulfilling.
SARAH: Yeah. I think a lot of people who are trying to do the whole get married, white picket fence, two and a half kids, they think that their husband and their kids are going to be enough, but it doesn't how matter how great your husband and kids are, you need other people in your life. And some people need more people than others do, different people need a different number of different types of relationships. You have to figure out what the right thing for you is.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Yeah, I do feel like sometimes – I think the feeling I got from this whole thing was just like, hi, wouldn't it be easier if I wasn't aro-ace? It's a thought I don't like having, but it's a thought that I have sometimes.
KAYLA: I mean, I have that thought about being demi, especially when I was dating and out in the world, being a single person. I was like, wow, wouldn't it be easier if I could just have sex with people, like everyone else does? I don't know. It's not a great feeling to have but I think it's important to have and work through, and not just push it out.
SARAH: Yeah, and recognize it. Another thing with being aro-ace and the whole QPR thing is, well, not all people who fall under the ace umbrella are going to want a QPR, whether that's just because that's not what they want, or because they're not aro and they might want to be in a romantic relationship with someone. So the pool keeps just getting smaller. It's fun.
KAYLA: They should have a dating app for QPRs.
SARAH: That'd be great. There'd be two people on it, (laughing) and then they would be in a QPR.
KAYLA: Oh my God. I feel like there would be a lot of people on it, I don't know.
SARAH: I don't know, maybe.
KAYLA: Can we get on that?
SARAH: Okay, do it.
KAYLA: Any web developers listening?
SARAH: You know what I did think of that was sad, though?
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: So, Dr Who –
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: There's a – No, okay. I'm going to preface this with I don't feel like this exact line, I'm going to make an analogy, so don't freak out when I say the line. But at some point in Dr Who, because the Doctor is not immortal, per se, but he's been alive – Well, they, because it's a she now.
KAYLA: So exciting.
SARAH: They've been alive for what, like 2000 years now? They've been around for a while, even though they're not technically immortal. There was a line where I think it was the 10th Doctor or maybe it was 12th, I don't know. They said, they were like, "Living this long doesn't feel like living forever, it just feels like everyone else dying."
The analogy we're making is not that everyone else is dying, but the analogy is, in some ways, I sort of feel like that in the sense that that all of my friends are just going to couple off, and I'm going to lose them, which is not true. However, if I feel like I'm incapable of coupling off and having that thing, I think it all just comes down to I'm not going to have it, even though I can, and it's sad.
That was a little bit all over the place, however –
KAYLA: I mean, I get that but I think that's a feeling that everyone has about just everything, no matter what your sexuality is.
SARAH: I think that's valid.
KAYLA: Even if you're not interested in QPRs, just thinking like oh, I want to have this kind of friendship, but I don't think there's anyone out there that wants to have it with me, that kind of lonely feeling I think is super common. I have that about a lot of things, I think that's really normal. I think your situation is just unique because it's just a little bit different than everyone else's.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Everyone else might be thinking about romantic relationships, like, oh, no one ever is going to want to date me. Yours is a little bit different.
SARAH: Yeah. I think that's just – Again, it's just coming back to, you think you're all so different but, ultimately, people all just want the same thing.
KAYLA: Human need is all the same. We all just need human connection and people that will help take care of us. It's just it’s going to look different for everyone, but it's the same basic thing that everyone wants.
SARAH: Yeah. It's true. You know what else I saw?
KAYLA: People just want to be loved.
(30:00)
SARAH: It's true. I saw a post on Tumblr today where it was like – It was in quotes and it was like, you only headcanon that person as X because you're X. Then it was like a screen cap of the Cupid guy from Tangled drunkenly going, "You got me." I was thinking about that, and it's just very interesting because that is not true for me. Going back to the headcanoning people as ace, like shipping people, that whole shebang, it was a couple different episodes in the past - Listen to them if you haven't, or listen to them again, I don't know.
It's very hard for me to headcanon people as ace. The thing I most often headcanon people as is bi and I was thinking about why. A lot of it is because the characters are written in a way that doesn't allow them to be under the ace umbrella, without going out of character. Also, there's this weird part of me that's like, well, I don't want to do that to them, I don't want to make them ace.
KAYLA: Sarah, that's so awful.
SARAH: It's the worst, I don't like it. Moral of the story, sometimes you think shitty things about your sexuality but it doesn't make you a bad person.
KAYLA: No. Sometimes you think shitty things about yourself in general, and your sexuality is a big part of yourself.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It happens. What's important is that you recognize that you're doing it and that it's shitty, and that it's not true.
SARAH: Yeah. True.
KAYLA: I don't think it matters what stage you are in your sexuality and in understanding yourself, I think that this is another thing that happens to everyone.
SARAH: Yeah, I agree. I think I'm sure that people of all sexualities are in some ways jealous of other sexualities.
KAYLA: I think so.
SARAH: I'm sure there are a lot of people who were jealous of straight people possibly, just because of rights –
KAYLA: Privilege and stuff.
SARAH: I mean, there are definitely a lot of things to be jealous of with all different types of relationships.
KAYLA: Sometimes I'm like, wow, if I could not like guys, that would be perfect. That's not a great thing to say, but you know?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Sometimes. I mean, it's hard to say because I'm obviously in a place of privilege, and so saying that I don't want to be in a place of privilege is a little – I don't know, it's not very respectful of anyone.
SARAH: Doesn't mean you don't feel it.
KAYLA: Yeah. That's true.
SARAH: It's all true.
KAYLA: Moral of the story, it's all true.
SARAH: Moral of the story, everyone feels shitty sometimes.
KAYLA: Yeah. That's the name of this episode, to be honest.
SARAH: Yeah. Can we please call it that?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Can we call it Everyone Feels Shitty Sometimes (Or Being Jealous of Non-Ace People)?
KAYLA: That's a really long title.
SARAH: Yeah. It's funny.
KAYLA: Okay. I'll think about it.
SARAH: Okay. That was kind of the gist of what I wanted to say, some of it was more well thought out than others.
KAYLA: I think we get it. I think everyone that listens to this should be kind of used to this by now. This is just how it is.
SARAH: Honestly, you're right.
KAYLA: If you're here and you're sticking around, I don't know. You know?
SARAH: (laughing) You must be okay with us by now.
KAYLA: Speaking of, so many people have been writing us emails recently.
SARAH: Oh my God, that's true.
KAYLA: And pledging on Patreon and it's been so sweet. I was reading through emails that we recently got, and old emails that we got a couple months ago today, and it's just so sweet. People are trusting us enough to ask us for advice, and saying that we're a good resource for them. It's really, really sweet and it means a lot.
SARAH: Making us cry all the time.
KAYLA: I know. I was at work and we got two Patreon pledges and I was like, excuse me? Who? I'm famous? What?
SARAH: We're not famous, but you know. All right. Do you have anything to add, Kayla?
KAYLA: Not really. I just think – I don't know. I just think this is a good thing to talk –
SARAH: Not really, she says and then continues to talk.
KAYLA: That's my biggest pet peeve when people do that, so I hate myself. I just think this is an important thing to talk about, because I think it's something that people are embarrassed to talk about, and they feel like it's something they shouldn't feel.
SARAH: Yeah. There was definitely some stuff I said in this episode that was like, I feel weird saying this, and also guilty, but it's fine.
KAYLA: Yeah. I think a lot of this stuff, you feel guilty about because you want to be strong for other people in your community, and you want to put a good foot forward, especially with a community like this where it's still growing and everything.
SARAH: Exactly.
KAYLA: But I think it's really important to let this stuff out and not repress it and just feel even worse about yourself, when everyone is probably going through the same thing.
SARAH: Right. And especially because we have the pod now, I mean, not that many people listen to the pod, but people do listen to it who are maybe not as far in their journeys as I am, and so I almost feel obligated to –
KAYLA: Yeah. You have a responsibility a little bit to the few people that listen to share your experience.
SARAH: Right. But I also think it's fair to say, okay, regardless of how far any one person is in their journey of sexuality or whatever, you're going to take steps backwards sometimes.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That's just how it's going to be.
KAYLA: Which could be somewhat discouraging but I think also it could be nice if you're early on, knowing like not everyone has it figured out. No one knows what's going on.
SARAH: It's okay. It's okay to feel guilty, and it's okay to feel shitty, and it's okay to be mad at your sexuality sometimes, but you also just got to understand that, a) your sexuality is valid and it's okay, but also, b) you got to forgive yourself for that shit. You just got to keep going in your life.
KAYLA: Yeah. Even if you're mad at yourself or guilty about thinking things, you got to think about it and talk to people about it. Yeah, at the end of the day, you need to be easy on yourself about that kind of stuff.
SARAH: It's all stupid. We hate emotions.
KAYLA: I don't know about all that.
SARAH: I feel like every time I say that, though, I have to give a disclaimer. I feel like I'm perpetuating a stereotype but the truth is, that’s who I am as a person.
KAYLA: This is really how Sarah is. That's just really who she is.
SARAH: Yeah. That's completely unrelated to my sexuality, because I got it from my dad and my dad's not ace, as far as I'm aware.
KAYLA: Yikes.
SARAH: (laughing) So, you know.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Sometimes, we don't say things.
KAYLA: Sometimes Sarah is really bad at expressing her emotions.
SARAH: Oh, I'm very bad at expressing my emotions. I'm good at writing them down.
KAYLA: Sometimes I'm like, is Sarah really my friend or is she just here and is not willing to express –
SARAH: (laughs) Really?
KAYLA: Sometimes. Yeah.
SARAH: When?
KAYLA: I'm like that all the time but sometimes I'm like, I don't know, maybe Sarah hates me.
SARAH: Oh my God.
KAYLA: You know?
SARAH: Well, I expressed more emotions in this podcast than usual.
KAYLA: That's true. I'm proud of you.
SARAH: You're welcome, everyone.
KAYLA: Oh, we're so privileged Sarah.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: Thank you, oh holy one.
SARAH: I mean, it definitely helps that I'm not looking at any human being right now.
KAYLA: That's fair.
SARAH: All right. What's our poll?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Your poll is no?
KAYLA: Yeah, I think so.
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: Do you ever get frustrated with your sexuality? Parenthesis, it's okay if yes.
SARAH: I'm going to say it's going to be – It's going to come out, 90% yes.
KAYLA: Yeah, but then that's nice because then everyone can see that –
SARAH: That's true.
KAYLA: It's not just them.
SARAH: That's a poll.
KAYLA: I think it'd be a good thing to see.
SARAH: Yeah, just be like have you ever been sex – ooh. Have you ever been frustrated with your sexuality?
KAYLA: Have you ever been sexually frustrated? Is that what you were going to say?
SARAH: (laughing) I don't know what I was going to say.
KAYLA: Because that's different.
SARAH: Yeah. There's the poll, you can find that poll on our Twitter @soundsfakepod. You can also email us, like so many of our lovely friends have done, soundsfakepod@gmail.com. We've gotten some requests for episodes recently, so those will be recorded semi-soon and then posted for you – Well, in a while for current us. They'll be up eventually, just because you know, staggering.
(40:00)
We also have a Tumblr, soundsfakepod.tumblr.com. Our patrons from Patreon, we have so many these days, it's so wonderful. They're just so great. Our $2 patron, we have Sara Jones, hi Sara. For our $5 patrons, we have Jennifer Smart. You can find her on YouTube by looking up Lehen Productions. Then we have Asritha Vinnakota, you can find her on Instagram @asritha_v. Then we have Austin Le, he’d like to promote the Twitch channel twitch.tv/k4iley, and then there's Drew Finney, you can find him on Twitter @midwest_drew.
Then for our $10 patrons, we have Emma Fink, you can find her on YouTube by looking up Emma T Fink. Then we have Tristan Call, who would like to spotlight their friend Harley, who is an awesome agendered aro-ace person. You can find them @rationallyparanoid across social media, but mostly DeviantArt and Tumblr.
Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: Until then, take good care of your cows.