Ep 227: Are Soulmates Real?
Episode 227: Soulmates
August 28, 2022
(00:00)
SARAH: Hey what's up hello, welcome to Sounds fake but Okay, a podcast where an aroace girl, I'm Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, that's me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: On today's episode: soulmates.
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds fake, but okay
(theme music plays)
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!
KAYLA: You've made it!
SARAH: Yes. Did they overcome something, or is this just like...?
KAYLA: You made it back
SARAH: thank God
KAYLA: You made it through another week
SARAH: You did! Congratulations!
KAYLA: Good job.
SARAH: Kayla?
KAYLA: Yeah?
SARAH: Should we keep our house?
KAYLA: I think we have a big house to keep.
SARAH: Yeah, it's another real big one. How we going to pay the mortgage on this thing?
KAYLA: Oh, hopefully with the money we get from our book sales.
SARAH: There we go!
KAYLA: (laughing) Segue.
SARAH: Beautiful.
KAYLA: As you may have heard at the very top of this episode, before the episode started, and as you may have seen from our livestream that happened yesterday, if you're listening to this the day that it came out, our book is now available for pre-order!
SARAH: Yay! It's a real book
KAYLA: So you should do that
SARAH: With real pages, and real words inside.
KAYLA: So true. I don't know how many pages.
SARAH: No. I don't either.
KAYLA: But, at least 2.
SARAH: At least 2. I would wager even 3.
KAYLA: Ooh, I don't know. That may be pushing it.
SARAH: (laughing) That might be too much. But yeah. Our book soundsfakepod.com/book, you can find out anything and everything that you need to know. You can look at it and say "that's how you spell Kayla's last name"
KAYLA: (laughing) Yeah. Even our publisher struggled with it. It's okay.
SARAH: Yeah the first draft of the book cover did in fact have Kayla's name spelled wrong
KAYLA: Alas.
SARAH: But you know, we live and we learn. We grow.
KAYLA: Mhm.
SARAH: But yeah, the book is called Sounds Fake but Okay subtitle, subtitle, subtitle. I should probably memorize the subtitle.
KAYLA: It's really hard. It's so long. And like, it's my fault.
SARAH: It is your fault, but you know what, it's fine. Sounds Fake but Okay: an asexual and aromantic perspective on love, relationships, sex, and pretty much anything else. Put that in my brain. It won't stay there, but we'll try. But it's called Sounds Fake but Okay. Sounds book but okay, sounds fake but okay.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: It's coming. February 21st, 2023. And if you're listening to this after that, go get the book! It's out there!
KAYLA: Yeah, what are you doing? Go get it!
SARAH: Go get it! Mkay.
KAYLA: Yeah. And it comes with exclusive episodes. Each chapter of the book will have an episode that goes along with it where we talk about the writing of that chapter.
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: Probably only the people that listen to this regularly will care about those episodes, but that's okay. You guys will have a fun little secret time.
SARAH: Yeah, we did that for you
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: We didn't do that for the randos
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: We did that for you
KAYLA: For the die hard fans
SARAH: For the die hard fans. Okay, great. It's been a long process and a lot of people have put a lot of work into it, so I don't know, throw a couple dollars at it. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, we're talking about (yawning) me yawning and also we're talking about soulmates
SARAH: I kind of thought you were going to start that over, but no, you just powered through
KAYLA: Mhm.
SARAH: Yeah we're talking about soulmates. This has come up on the pod before, but I don't think we've done a dedicated episode.
KAYLA: No, I don't think so. I'm sure it's come up.
SARAH: Yeah. So where should we start?
KAYLA: Well, the reason we thought of doing this was an article that you found, I believe.
SARAH: (laughing) Oh my god, I forgot about that
KAYLA: So I think that would be a silly way to start. I've also looked up some light history about the origin of soulmates
SARAH: Oh my goodness
KAYLA: This could've been a very well researched episode, but I'm not a professor of family studies or relationship studies, so.
SARAH: Well you're doing better than me, because I straight up forgot about this article that we talked about less than 24 hours ago.
KAYLA: Literally yesterday, yeah.
SARAH: It was yesterday.
KAYLA: Sarah and I are doing a lot. We had a business meeting yesterday, we're doing the livestream on Saturday. For you it's already happened, for us it has not. Sarah and I are talking a lot this week.
SARAH: We had to talk about taxes.
KAYLA: It was so upsetting. We had to consult Sarah's dad.
SARAH: Who, for the record, is not a tax professional.
KAYLA: He's just a dad
(05:00)
SARAH: He's just a dad
KAYLA: But like, from what I know of dads, that does make you a tax professional
SARAH: Yeah. As soon as you have a child --
KAYLA: My understanding is, yeah, as soon as you have a child you like --
SARAH: You become a tax professional
KAYLA: Turbotax calls you immediately.
SARAH: Turbotax who? Anyway. Nothing to do with that. Let's talk about soulmates. Let's start with this article. I don't know that I found it. Maybe you found it. Somebody found it.
KAYLA: Who's to say?
SARAH: It was found.
KAYLA: Maybe it was in the discord?
SARAH: I have no idea
KAYLA: Oh by the way, speaking of book, we have a whole channel in our discord dedicated to the book if you want to discuss
SARAH: Yeah, I had a hard time finding it.
KAYLA: That's okay.
SARAH: It's Sarah-proof
KAYLA: (laughing) I didn't want Sarah to find it
SARAH: Mkay. Okay, so this article is from the Sydney Morning Herald. It is from April of 2022. And it is called "Less than a month after I met my soulmate, I ended my 14 year marriage". The article's not... I think we can read it, it's not that long. Let me just ... is everyone ready?
KAYLA: No, but yes.
SARAH: Mkay. I wasn’t expecting a formal dinner with cheerful conference attendees in the beautiful West Australian town of Margaret River to turn my life upside down. I had a good life. I wasn’t looking to upend it – or was I?
KAYLA: Dun dun dun
SARAH: I had decided only the week earlier to attend the three-day event with my husband. It wasn’t in the family holiday plan and we had to arrange care for the children, but I saw it as a perfect opportunity for us to reconnect, as we had become quite distant. I believed that time away from the stress of everyday life was the perfect remedy to reignite our relationship. We entered the magnificent oak-panelled dining room, -- this, really trying to be a writer here -- Amanda Trenfield.
KAYLA: You tell her
SARAH: taking our seats at a long, elegantly laid table. My husband sat to my left and quickly engaged another couple in conversation. As I settled into my seat, I looked up and immediately lost my breath. When our eyes met there was an instant familiarity that ran deeper than water-cooler chat. These eyes had locked before. Twelve years earlier. His name was Jason. I hadn’t forgotten.
KAYLA: Mm. Not Jason!
SARAH: Throughout the dinner, I was my usual animated and conversational self. I was, after all, in sales.
KAYLA: Oh, not sales.
SARAH: The group chatted happily, all of us enjoying an excellent degustation
KAYLA: Ew, stop! Ew
SARAH: (laughing) of West Australian delicacies cooked with attention and pride. I hate the way this is written. I hate it so much.
KAYLA: You have to stop.
SARAH: As the entrée was served, Jason offered me a sip of his wine to taste the robust old-vine shiraz.
KAYLA: That word should not be allowed.
SARAH: After a little banter and coaxing, I accepted. Over the course of the evening, my attraction to Jason developed. I soon became aware of his every breath and I unconsciously mirrored his pace. I caught myself, embarrassingly, looking at his chest through his slim-fitted white evening shirt. Yes, he had a fit, toned and attractive body, but it was his chest I was drawn to?
KAYLA: No!
SARAH: No, no, no, I read that wrong. Yes, he had a fit, toned and attractive body, but was it his chest I was drawn to? Sorry, I had to re-deliver that
KAYLA: Yeah, thank you. I really don't know what I would've done.
SARAH: We need to clarify. When dessert was served, he offered me a sample of his decadent and oozy chocolate pudding. I declined, but he
KAYLA: I don't want to be here anymore
SARAH: (laughing) scooped up a generous spoonful and fed me across the table anyway. He displayed a level of familiarity normally reserved for close friends or lovers. If anyone had been watching us, they would have been at least curious as to the nature of our relationship. Isn't your husband sitting next to you?
KAYLA: That's my question. Weren't you with your husband?
SARAH: By the time the group left the restaurant late in the evening, all my senses were on high alert. It was abundantly clear that the energy between Jason and me was somehow charged. I instinctively understood, though, that this was more than just lust, something I had felt many times before. I also understood that it was more than simply physical attraction, but I just couldn’t put my finger on it. At the hotel bar, Jason bought me a glass of my favourite rosé.
KAYLA: Not the bar
SARAH: We looked into each other’s eyes – his dark and mysterious, mine big and brown –
(laughter)
SARAH: I think they're going for like doe eyes? I think is what they're going for?
KAYLA: Big. And. Brown
SARAH: (laughing) Big and brown!
KAYLA: Big and brown
SARAH: (laughing) and clinked glasses. The electricity between us was strong and raw. It travelled to my core. It was so intense I needed to break eye contact. He. We. The energy. It was electric. My body was completely charged.
KAYLA: Where is your husband?
SARAH: I was completely “on”. I had to determinedly fight the continual pull to his side that I felt. As we moved around each other
(10:00)
SARAH: throughout the evening in various conversations, though, we were always aware of one another’s location. When we locked eyes across the room, the intensity of our stares magnified, becoming bolder as the night progressed. We held our gaze longer. Our connection deepened. I loved talking with him. I felt warm, relaxed and safe in his presence. I felt I could truly be myself, at a level I wasn’t familiar with.
KAYLA: You know when I also feel warm and relaxed? Is when I'm drunk. Ma'am you've already said how much you've been drinking.
SARAH: (laughing) Stop drinking
KAYLA: Those are also the feelings I feel when I'm drunk.
SARAH: Amazing. I felt I could truly be myself, at a level I wasn’t familiar with.
KAYLA: And the level that I am when I'm drunk. Like, hello? Sorry.
SARAH: I realized that it was a feeling I hadn’t enjoyed in a long, long time – perhaps ever. Sure, we were laughing and joking like old friends but the deepening connection through our eyes was undeniable. My behavior that evening was uncharacteristic. I stayed out way longer than I normally would; I’m usually an early-to-bed, early-to-rise type. But this was no ordinary evening. I was in no hurry to lose our connection. In fact, I wanted time to stand still. I wanted to remain in the energy, our energy, forever.
KAYLA: (disgusted) No.
SARAH: The bar called last drinks, and the evening (now the early morning) came to an end. The goodbye was overt, open and revealing of our mutual affection. We enjoyed a body-hugging embrace -- well, it's an embrace, of course it's body-hugging --
KAYLA: (rapidly) What? What? What? What? What?
SARAH: We enjoyed a body-hugging embrace where I whispered into his ear, “This isn’t over, I need to see you again.” He put his hands tightly on my waist and pulled me close. “Yes,” he replied. It was all I needed to hear. As I danced back to my room feeling vulnerable but also unexpectedly whole, I couldn’t wipe the smile from my face. I had never felt anything like this before. I had never experienced this sensation. I didn’t understand the energy. It was like an out-of-body, or perhaps an “in-body”, experience. I know now without hesitation, without question, without any doubt in my mind, my body or my heart, that the energy we experienced that evening was our souls connecting. I left Margaret River a different woman. I knew in my heart, in my soul, in the very fabric of my being that I had profoundly changed. I couldn’t articulate the feelings, the sensations, the experience. The connectedness I experienced with Jason was at a level impossible to describe. All I knew for certain was that this one encounter, in the most unlikely of places, under the most unusual of circumstances, had dramatically altered my life. The next few days were a complete blur. I couldn’t make any sense of my feelings. I couldn’t escape unrelenting thoughts of Jason. I certainly couldn’t fathom how I’d resume my normal life: a full-time career in financial services, the care of two young children, household chores, social engagements, being a wife. What I did understand was that the successful, comfortable and somewhat predictable life I had spent 20 years building was now of no consequence. I simply didn’t care. I’d just met my soulmate. What could possibly be more important than that? Less than a month after meeting Jason, having had no communication with him since our time in Margaret River, I ended my 14-year relationship with my husband. The woman who had always been so careful, so planned, so organized and so clear about the path her life would take, had just made the most dramatic decision of her life, one affecting those dearest to her – her family. This is an excerpt from a thing, so it stops there.
KAYLA: Imagine being her child.
SARAH: I know! Here's the thing. First of all, it's unclear to me. Had she met this guy before?
KAYLA: Well she said something about 12 years earlier
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Which makes it seem like yes, but then there's no follow-up to that
SARAH: There's no follow-up at all. Also -- I was like, do they see each other again but then I realized that's how she gets you to buy her book, which I want to. Buy my book instead.
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: So you felt this connection with this guy, and as a result you said, "I am going to divorce my husband" and -- well, not leave my family, but "I'm going to upend my entire family structure because I realized the person I'm married to isn't my soulmate. There's nothing wrong with our relationship. It's gotten a little boring." Will she end up with this person? Who knows? She doesn't care. She just wants to end this relationship that will upend her children's lives.
KAYLA: Listen. I could understand her feeling this connection with some random person and it making her realize "Oh I haven't felt this in my marriage in a long time"
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: Like, maybe something is wrong
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That like, okay, but the thing that gets me is that she meets him for like
(15:00)
KAYLA: a couple hours
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And then she's like "this is my soulmate, our souls have connected" and that is what I do not understand
SARAH: Yeah, and I just don't understand how...
KAYLA: Like how do you know? You know?
SARAH: I just -- the extra wild thing to me is that her husband was there with her
KAYLA: I know!
SARAH: They went to this event because she wanted to have some time with her husband to maybe reconnect a little bit
KAYLA: Then she was like "goodbye"
SARAH: I just --
KAYLA: What was her husband doing this whole time? Just being like "um, ma'am?"?
SARAH: Last I heard he was talking to another couple at dinner. That's the last I heard of him.
KAYLA: I hope he went home with them or something. This poor man.
SARAH: Me too. I hope he had a good time. I just think this encapsulates all the things I completely fail to understand about this whole soulmate concept.
KAYLA: (sighs) Yeah. Because I feel like it kind of goes along with the whole love at first sight situation
SARAH: Absolutely
KAYLA: Because those are often paired
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Of like when you know you know and also there is this idea of there is only one person for every person
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It's a very monogamous idea.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I feel like often it also falls into kind of the opposites attract trope which can also get really heteronormative in some ways.
SARAH: I also thing become it is so monogamy based, it is so romance and sex based. We'll get into this later, but you don't really hear about platonic soulmates. Maybe a little bit more now.
KAYLA: I feel like there has been a shift. I hear people talking about twin flames a lot, which I don't know the origin of...
SARAH: Well we'll get to that. That's later.
KAYLA: Okay, okay.
SARAH: I have a thought that I want to say first
KAYLA: Alright.
SARAH: But because it's so associated with romantic/sexual whatever, I feel like you often here these stories, as with Amanda, that they're seeing someone else and then they just meet their supposed soulmate, and then they just drop this other person
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: With no consideration for the person that they're dropping. And like, I get it. If you meet someone that you're just like "this person is it". I understand that, but it's just the thought that "well this person is my soulmate so I have to drop this other person. It doesn't matter how good our relationship is, and it doesn't matter how happy I was prior. Like this is my soulmate, this is what the universe is telling me to do, therefore I can only have this one person.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I don't like that.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: I do think there has been a rise in talk of platonic soulmates. A prime example, guess what Kayla.
KAYLA: I don't know
SARAH: You know?
KAYLA: (incoherent mumbling)
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: I don't want to know
SARAH: Oh you don't want to know. Well too bad because I'm about to talk about BTS.
KAYLA: (groans)
SARAH: Two of the members of BTS, I'll use their stage names for clarity, V and Jimin refer to each other as their soulmates and they have a song that is just the two of them where they say "you are my soulmate" in it. And of course, there are the people who are like "they're in love". The shippers, but it is very much they are a pair. But the thing that I like about that and something that I've also seen -- I feel like soulmates is a pretty common trope in fanfiction, and whenever I see that trope, I'm like eh, but I have found there are times when I do like it is when -- The thing about the soulmate trope is it can't be too easy. Everyone always talks about it like it's easy. But obviously two people, even if you're "soulmates," you're not going to click and line up on every single thing immediately.
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: With the instance of Vimin from BTS, they fought a lot when they were younger, but that made them closer because they had to learn how to
(20:00)
SARAH: deal with each other. And I feel like that sort of stuff, or -- I do like the soulmate trope when it's like you find out this is your soulmate and you're like "fuck that dude. I don't like that guy at all" or "I don't like this concept, it's stupid"
KAYLA: Yeah. I know we did an episode at one point of kind of TikTok POV and those skits
SARAH: Mm.
KAYLA: And a lot of them are soulmate based
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Of like, you get to design your soulmate, or there's something that happens that tells you who your soulmate is, and a lot of times it is kind of that enemies to lovers situation
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: That we also talked about
SARAH: Yeah and at least that's more interesting because you have gone through trials to prove this is still the relationship that you want. And I do like, I feel like it's been talked about a little more now in fiction spaces, that you don't have to be with your soulmate forever. You're not bound to them, and shit can go wrong, and that's like a human relationship. One of the things that I really don't like about the concept of soulmates, the way it's thought about generally, is that it's not fluid at all. Like this is your person, and if you fuck it up you fucked it up
KAYLA: Yeah, it kind of takes away your agency
SARAH: Yeah, you have no agency.
KAYLA: in the situation of like this is this person that you or someone else has decided is your soulmate and no matter what you're supposed to be staying with them, and if you leave, that's it. Your one chance is gone.
SARAH: You've failed
KAYLA: It kind of takes away from the correct people are supposed to be in your life at the correct times, or like you said, there's going to be human error and with some people it's not going to work out. You know what I mean?
SARAH: Yeah. You can have two people that love each other very much but it just for whatever reasons in the context of their relationship, it's not going to work
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: And that doesn't mean that that relationship is any less important or less impactful
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But with this idea of soulmates it's like you have to stay together forever
KAYLA: I think what I enjoy more about the idea of platonic soulmates too is because we don't see friendship as a monogamous situation
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But we do see typically romance that way
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Is you can have a platonic soulmate and still have other friends
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But when you are prescribed a romantic soulmate, that is supposed to be the one
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: And that's it. It takes away from any other possibility of having more than one soulmate at the same time or several soulmates over your entire life
SARAH: Yeah. And it also, if it's a platonic soulmate, it doesn't preclude you from having romantic relationships, other platonic relationships, but I feel like if it's romantic soulmates it's like this person is on a pedestal, this person is above everyone.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: This is the most important person in my life, full stop, just because they're my soulmate and that's it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And I just don't like that mindset. If that person turns out to be the most important person to you in your life for your entire life and that's what ends up happening, great. But it should be because of your relationship not because they're your soulmate or they're your boyfriend, or they're your girlfriend, or they're your partner
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: It should be because of the relationship you have and that you've built
KAYLA: Yeah. Can I share some history with you?
SARAH: Please.
KAYLA: So I was looking up the origin of soulmates, and I found an article, a blog, on the Institute for Family Studies, which feels familiar to me.
SARAH: Mm.
KAYLA: I feel like we must have read something from here before. by Bradley Onishi, and it just goes through some of the basics of the history, but I will read you some of it. One of the early uses of the word soulmate comes from the poet Samuel Taylor Colridge in a letter from 1822. He said "to be happy in married life, you must have a soulmate" And it says for Colridge, a successful marriage needed to be about more than
(25:00)
KAYLA: economic or social compatibility, it required a spiritual connection. Which, I'm not a historian, but I feel like for 1822 that might have been a pretty novel concept. I feel like in 1822, love marriages were still not the norm
SARAH: Yeah, and it is the beginning of what I find to be a harmful notion that your partner is like your other half, as in you're not whole or not complete without them
KAYLA: Speaking of
SARAH: By all means
KAYLA: I can tell you where that comes from or the origins of that idea. There is a Greek myth
SARAH: Not the Greeks
KAYLA: From the Ancient Greeks' time. Plato has this text the Symposium
SARAH: The guy with the closet?
KAYLA: Heh. Shut up.
SARAH: That was a funny joke that I made
KAYLA: No, it wasn't. So this character in the Symposium tells the story of soulmates, and it's this mythology where humans were originally created with four arms, four legs, and a head with two faces
SARAH: Mm, oh yeah I did know this
KAYLA: Fearing their power, Zeus split them into two separate pieces condemning them to spend their lives in search of their other half
SARAH: I mean I do kind of like that better than the Eve came from Adam's rib
KAYLA: Yeah that's a very similar thing I think
SARAH: It is but at least you are equally
KAYLA: Equally halved, yeah
SARAH: Belonging to each other, yeah.
KAYLA: Yeah the article in Family Studies also talks about Judaism and Christianity how there's a passage in the Hebrew Bible I guess that says "for your maker is your husband"
SARAH: mm
KAYLA: So I think that's getting at that kind of Adam and Eve idea
SARAH: Ugh, everything is so Eurocentric though. I'm just sitting here thinking like what African tribes hundreds of years ago, what their conception of shit was
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But that's not readily available to me
KAYLA: Well that's what I'm wondering
SARAH: (laughing) What about the Mayans?
KAYLA: True. I'm sure there must be writing about this
SARAH: I'm sure
KAYLA: In an academic sense, but
SARAH: But it's not nearly as easily accessible as
KAYLA: Right. I have to imagine there is some reason that these creation myths are created in this way of the two equal halves
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: In my mind, not to be cynical, but it must be some sort of the higher power trying to control the lives of your average citizens and making sure they are paired off by two into families, you know what I mean?
SARAH: Mhm. Yeah.
KAYLA: Like we don't just come up with these creation myths out of nothing, you know what I mean?
SARAH: No. No as in yes. Yes, I know what you mean
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And god saw how good it was
KAYLA: Stories and media are used in large part to either control the cultural narrative and make it say how it is or to shake things up but I think creation myths are the start of that kind of culture so they're obviously not trying to change norms. So it's like, what were they trying to do, you know?
SARAH: Your brain is so big.
KAYLA: I know
SARAH: Congratulations.
KAYLA: Thank you. Not big enough to answer the question, just big enough to ask it.
SARAH: Just big enough to ask it. You know what? Big enough to know your limits.
KAYLA: Mm, I love that for me. Is it to break up a tribal system where it's trying to get more to an Industrial Revolution type of situation, where we have "productive families" of like two parents rather than more of a community based raising system? Like what are we doing?
SARAH: I am wondering, because western cultural norms, specifically American cultural norms are so individualized, it's all about the individual. Are these soulmate, pairing-off, less community based myths, ideas about connection more prevalent in a culture such as ours because it's less about the community and more about the individual?
KAYLA: Mm, I don't know though. Because from what I know about Indian culture with our good friends who I've had extensive conversations with about marriage and the culture there
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: I don't know that it's so much a soulmate situation, but in a lot of traditional
(30:00)
KAYLA: marriages they will bring in an astrologer
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: To make sure your stars line up
SARAH: To make sure that it's a match, yeah
KAYLA: Right. From what I understand of Indian culture, that kind of community and family based, rather than being super individualistic. It is less individualistic than American culture, for example
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: But they still do have traditions in that way, but everyone is welcome to tell me I'm wrong, that's just what I understand from conversations I've had, but
SARAH: Yeah. Another harmful thing about this soulmate idea, and this is true regardless of how community based a culture or a group is, is that people get stuck in relationships
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: That are bad and abusive and they feel they can't leave, whether that's because they're like "this is my soulmate, I have to stay with them", like they feel obligated, or it's society imposing that upon you
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like "no that's your person, you can't leave them" and there's also another angle of like it looks bad for your family, that's another thing, but I think that's all kind of melded in with the "this is your person, you can't leave them"
KAYLA: Well, and I think that's another thing that just pressures people to get married before they're ready or something, or settle for someone they aren't really compatible or happy with because they feel that pressure to find that one person by a certain point in their life.
SARAH: Mhm. And I get wanting to find that person and maximize your time with that person, I understand that aspect of it, but also it frustrates me that so many people think there's a certain timeline you have to do things on, and if you don't do that, you have failed or you're embarrassing, or I don't even know. Expectations are stupid.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Punch them in the guts
KAYLA: I agree. Another thing I've seen talked about a lot more recently is the idea of a twin flame
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: So I looked up the difference, and it is a little confusing
SARAH: Oh boy.
KAYLA: Because -- I'm looking at the website mindbodygreen.com
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: So apparently what we were discussing earlier about the two halves
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: That is actually more of the idea of a twin flame apparently, where you have one soul split into two bodies
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: So in a twin flame relationship, it's just someone who is very similar to you. So they might mirror your issues, unhealthy habits, imbalances, so that could cause tension in that relationship or friendship. Soulmates on the other hand, are two souls that are extraordinarily linked. So two separate souls
SARAH: mm
KAYLA: That are just drawn to each other? I guess?
SARAH: So soulmates is like "congrats you have your own soul" twin flame is like "you got to share this thing"
KAYLA: Yes. Apparently soulmates cannot also be twin flames because that wouldn't make sense
SARAH: Yeah. You can't have 3/4 of a soul.
KAYLA: No. So I don't --
SARAH: Except I do! My mom's a ginger, but my dad's not
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: No, that means I have half a soul. If I were to have children they would have 3/4 of a soul. I'm not good at math.
KAYLA: Okay. Now I have a quote from Megan Fox about Machine Gun Kelly
SARAH: Megan Fox! Oh jeez!
KAYLA: This is from a Bustle article. "I knew right away that he is what I call a twin flame. Instead of a soulmate a twin flame is actually where a soul has ascended into a high enough level that it can be split into two different bodies at the same time. So we're actually two halves of the same soul I think, and I said that to him almost immediately because I felt it right away" so. A soulmate, according to this other person, a celestial and mental energy healer "a soulmate is someone who complements us whereas a twin flame is someone who has a deep similarity to us". So it's like the opposites attract kind of thing
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: For a soulmate. Which I feel like -- I don't know. I feel like that's why twin flames are more often talked about in a friendship sense.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because you have friends that are really similar to you, then you're supposed to have a partner that's kind of opposite from you for some reason?
SARAH: Yeah the thinking is if you're friends you want to have those similarities, but for your partnership if you're
(35:00)
SARAH: both too much the same then you'll just... it'll just get toxic because you'll just both be the same. I don't know.
KAYLA: I will say, this Bustle article, they're not making soulmates out to be purely a romantic thing.
SARAH: That's good
KAYLA: This person Michelle Fedrizzi was a Reiki healer says that "a soulmate is someone that comes into your life to teach, push, transcend you into a higher state of consciousness and being. They can enter your life through friends or family and usually help to fulfill a passion or a desire." and they also said that "soulmate relationships are neither good or bad" so that's nice
SARAH: That is really fascinating to me that they said through friends or family because I had never thought of soulmates in the context of blood relations before
KAYLA: No, I hadn't either. It almost seems like weird
SARAH: Yeah because we associate it so much with being this romantic/sexual thing
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: That if someone says "oh they're my soulmate and they're related to me by blood" you're like "oh that's weird," but it's not
KAYLA: No, yeah. It's just our thing.
SARAH: Kayla, I have a crucial question for you.
KAYLA: Yeah?
SARAH: Are we twin flames or soulmates?
KAYLA: I do not think we are twin flames. I think we are soulmates
SARAH: That's why our book works
KAYLA: Right. Think of how we do all of our business dealings, you know what I mean?
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah.
KAYLA: Wait it even said in this article. Hold on, let me find... "think of a soulmate as a business partnership where one person is a dreamer and the other person is really good at taking those ideas and turning them into tangible strategies"
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I mean...
SARAH: How would you describe our business relationship? I am not a dreamer nor do I have any tangible means of achieving things.
KAYLA: I would not say you're so much a dreamer as a spitter.
SARAH: (laughing) Hello?
KAYLA: You just spit things
SARAH: (laughing) I spit things?
KAYLA: And I collect them and I organize them for you
SARAH: You collect my spit in a jar.
KAYLA: I would say that you are the spit to my DNA test.
(laughter)
SARAH: You know, you have to give so much spit for those.
KAYLA: Yeah, and do you know how much you just say things at me? No, okay. This actually works a lot. Because you just spit things at me, and I take them and collect them and I analyze them, and then I present them to you in an organized fashion.
SARAH: That's true. And then I spit on them again.
KAYLA: Yes, exactly.
SARAH: I bite my thumb at you, sir
KAYLA: I think I'm on to something
SARAH: So you're the spit wrangler
KAYLA: Yeah. I'm the 23andme
SARAH: (laughing) Well. No dreams only spit.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: Well on that note
(laughter)
KAYLA: This is going to turn into another "I struggle to see this as a job and not a mental illness" I can just see it.
SARAH: (laughing) What do you mean?
KAYLA: (laughing) I can just see it
SARAH: But I was the one who said that's a job
KAYLA: No, you were saying that you wanted a job
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: As a florist in someone's fever dream
SARAH: In someone's fanfiction!
KAYLA: Okay, same difference. And I said I struggled to see that as a job and not a mental illness.
SARAH: Yeah. What does that have to do with this? I'm confused. You need to spit back at me.
KAYLA: I just think this is going to be another thing that people keep copying and pasting into the discord, that's all.
SARAH: Weasel!
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Do people copy and paste that into the discord? I don't spend a lot of time in the discord
KAYLA: They did like twice today. Just today
SARAH: Really?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Wow. I'm like a non-holy and probably horrible god in the discord. Probably like a Satan figure, actually
KAYLA: Mm. Mhm
SARAH: Like no one respects me, but I have
KAYLA: No
SARAH: But for some reason it's my discord, but I'm never there.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: And everyone is just like "who's this bitch"
KAYLA: yeah, probably.
SARAH: I don't know if there's a biblical figure that that aligns with, but that's me.
KAYLA: Uh, yeah. I'll have to look into that.
SARAH: Yeah. I don't mean to say that I am a god because I am not. Are you kidding?
KAYLA: You did say that
SARAH: (laughing) Would a god be like this?
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Actually I did write a script...
(40:00)
SARAH: they become a god, they weren't a god originally. Anyway
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: I should rewrite that script. It was pretty good.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Anyway. What's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Is Sarah a god?
SARAH: (laughing) No or no?
KAYLA: No or no. Do you believe in a soulmate? That's what I want to know
SARAH: Yeah. I don't. I think it's buffoonery.
KAYLA: If soulmates were not seen as an exclusive you can only have one thing, I think I would believe in it
SARAH: That's just a person that you have a really good connection with
KAYLA: Yeah. I believe in friendship is what I just said
SARAH: I believe in friendship.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I do believe in friendship. I do! I do!
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Impeccable film. 2003 Peter Pan.
KAYLA: Chef's kiss
SARAH: Chef's kiss
KAYLA: What a good looking gentleman
SARAH: Did I have a crush on him? or did I want to be him? Mm, probably wanted to be him
KAYLA: You never know. We may never know.
SARAH: Anyway. Okay. Do you believe in soulmates?
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: y/n. That is yes or no, not your name. Kayla, what is your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: My beef is that I have to move next week
SARAH: Oof
KAYLA: And I hate moving
SARAH: Who doesn't?
KAYLA: And I am not prepared for this move
SARAH: Rip
KAYLA: So next week's episode, who's to say, you know what I mean?
SARAH: Anything can happen
KAYLA: I feel like it's going to be another "I'm recording from my closet because I just moved" situation
SARAH: Plato's?
KAYLA: No, shut up. My juice is that this weekend --
SARAH: Do you think Plato was gay? Is that why he had a closet? Because he was in it?
KAYLA: I mean the Greeks were known for being
SARAH: So true
KAYLA: Pretty homoerotic
SARAH: Gay as fuck. For anyone who's like "what the fuck is going on?" Plato's Closet is a store in the United States where you bring your unwanted clothes and you sell them to them, but they give you like one cent for them and then they sell them. It's like a thrift store but instead of donating you get like 2 cents.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: For giving your stuff. That's all
(laughter)
KAYLA: That's the bad joke Sarah has been making
SARAH: That's the joke. Anyway, your beef and your juice.
KAYLA: Yeah that was my beef. My juice is that over the weekend, we randomly found that there was this street in Boston shut down, I guess they do it every Sunday, the street is called Newbury St, I forget what the thing is called, but they shut it down. Anyway, we decided to walk down it, and there was this booth of people just giving out free weed?
SARAH: Hm
KAYLA: So we got like $50 worth of free weed just handed to us
SARAH: Has it killed you yet?
KAYLA: Not loose weed it was like edibles.
SARAH: Are they regulated edibles?
KAYLA: Yes it's from like a real company they were just promoting themselves. So that was cool.
SARAH: They said "hey want to get fucked up?" This is what the suburban white parents were afraid of
KAYLA: It literally is. This is the city lifestyle
SARAH: People offering drugs in the form of candy to their children for free on the street
KAYLA: True. It was just so weird because we thought they were selling it so we were like "oh let's go look at it" then the lady she gave us her sales pitch and we were like, okay. And she was like "in exchange for your time, here take a sample" and we were like "okay" just expecting a gummy.
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: No, just like $50 worth of weed. So that was cool.
SARAH: How much is $50 worth of weed? I don't have any conception of how much that is.
KAYLA: I mean I guess I don't know the actual price but it was like one full canister of edibles and one full weed chocolate bar.
SARAH: Hm.
KAYLA: So things that could last a person months
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: Anyway, legalize it. And stop incarcerating people
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: For it. If you're going to give it out on the street.
SARAH: That has brought up a beef that I wasn't originally going to say, but it has come to me, is that today -- yesterday, Gavin Newsom, the governor of California vetoed a bill that was on his desk, so it passed all the necessary places, and then he vetoed it, because it was basically it would have established safe injection sites in LA, San Francisco, and Oakland, and he was like "but more people but drugs, but the war on drugs" even though there is literally so much evidence that safe injections do help reduce drug use and it reduces the people who die from overdoses by like a fucking lot, but he was like "no". That's my beef. My other beef is... no, it's too dark. I'm not going to say it. That's my beef.
KAYLA: Oh-kay?
SARAH: (laughing) My juice. Listen, I was in a dark place about an hour and a half ago. My juice is fried chicken, I think it's nice. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your thoughts on soulmates on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon if you would like to support us that way, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. We have 2 new $2 patrons. They are Katrina K and Matthew Stark. Thank you to both of you. You're delightful.
KAYLA: Thank you. Welcome! Thank you.
SARAH: Thank you! Welcome. Wel - way - no. I was going to combine them and it was going to be wank you, and that's not our brand. Send help. Oh she's just ignoring me now.
KAYLA: I'm really tired. I was just hoping if I didn't encourage you, you would just get back to doing the patrons.
SARAH: Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are George Ankers, Green_sarah, H. Valdis, Hadas Drukker, and Jackie Rubashkin. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Barefoot Backpacker who would like to promote their podcast, Travel Tales from Beyond the Brochure, The Steve who would like to promote Ecosia, a search engine for the trees, and Zirklteo who would like to promote England not being real. Our other $10 patrons are Arcnes, Ari K, Benjamin Ybarra, Changeling and Alex the ace cat, David Jay, David Nurse, Derek and Carissa, CinnamonToastPunch, my Aunt Jeannie, Maggie Capalbo, Martin Chiesl, Mattie, Potater, Purple Hayes, and Rosie Costello. Our $15 patrons are Andrew Hillum who would like to promote The Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Click4Caroline who would like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell who would like to promote Twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Hector Murillo who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Keziah Root who would like to promote the people who come into your life just for a small time, but just when you need them. Smiley face, heart. Sounds like the opposite of a soul mate, but like good, you know?
KAYLA: So true.
SARAH: So true, bestie. Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla's Aunt Nina who would like to promote @katemaggart.art, and Sara Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere. Our $20 patrons are Sabrina Hauck, Merry Christmas. Merry Christmas. And Dragonfly who would like to promote this image of a cherry coke can I saw from the 90s. Thanks for listening. Oh, also book. Soundsfakepod.com/book
KAYLA: Buy it!
SARAH: That is where you can pre-order the book.
KAYLA: Give us your money
SARAH: If you're like "I don't have the means to support you consistently on Patreon" a good way to support us just once is buying the book.
KAYLA: And if you don't have those means, you can just share it
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Pre-ordering matters a lot for the success of books.
SARAH: Tell your friends. Blow us a kiss.
(kissing sounds and laughter)
SARAH: Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows and give them a little kiss.
(kissing sounds)
(48:54)