Ep 250: Alcohol Consumption & Aspecs
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SARAH: Hey, what's up, hello, welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, I'm Sarah, that's me.
KAYLA: And a bi-demisexual girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, alcohol.
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds fake, but okay.
(theme music)
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Hello.
SARAH: It is a new – how is it March? This is a question I have.
KAYLA: I don't want to speak on that. I actually don't want to comment on that.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: At all
SARAH: Understandable. How is everyone? Have you been enjoying our book?
KAYLA: Did you read it? Have you been listening to our second podcast? This is our second secret podcast.
SARAH: Have you gotten it? Even?
KAYLA: Have you even received it? They're printing even more, so don't worry about it.
SARAH: Yeah, we are in our third printing, bitches.
KAYLA: Yeah. They printed more and then they printed even more again.
SARAH: But extra more.
KAYLA: But extra more. Three times more, in fact, even.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: So maybe one day I'll actually get to look at it in the store. I still have yet to see it. I've seen pictures of it on a shelf. I have yet to see it on the shelf, but it's back in stock online at Barnes & Noble today.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: There's, as of today, a few signed copies left at The Strand that you can order online. It's on Amazon, boo.
SARAH: Boo, hiss.
KAYLA: And you can get it on backorder from bookshop.org or your local bookstore. You won't have it until they have stock, obviously.
SARAH: Yeah. I recently ordered some more from bookshop.org because my boss told me to. Well, no, he told me to order more. I got them from bookshop.org because I support indie bookstores.
KAYLA: You didn't have to pay. He paid for it. The company paid for it, right?
SARAH: Yeah, I didn't pay for it.
KAYLA: Okay, I was going to say that would be fucked up.
SARAH: And the books were $1.40 off, and I was like, I hope that's not coming out of my paycheck.
KAYLA: (laughing) My paycheck. My several percent I make off of each copy.
SARAH: That's a big chunk of my money right there.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah. Thank you, everyone who's been saying nice things. Thank you to everyone who came to our event.
SARAH: Yeah. We need to have an event debrief because the other podcast was recorded before we did it. So many people came. It was so nice. It was so full.
KAYLA: 105 people were there. It was crazy.
SARAH: 105!
KAYLA: We got to sign a bunch of books and we felt famous. And then some of our listeners were there and some of our patrons were there.
SARAH: Fucking Martin Chiesl was there.
KAYLA: Martin Chiesl flew in.
SARAH: Unbelievable.
KAYLA: For the event.
SARAH: And then Martin was like, oh, I'm one of your patrons. And we were like, wait. And he was like, Chiesl. And we both screamed in his face.
KAYLA: Later, Dean was like, who was that that you screamed at? And I was like, Dean, you don't understand. That was Martin Chiesl.
SARAH: But then the next person in line was also a patron, but like a more recent patron. And I felt bad.
KAYLA: They were– Well, but they said they were like, I'm newer.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I was like, I still recognize your name.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Angela Chen was an absolute delight.
SARAH: Wonderful.
KAYLA: She's a wonderful lady. We do have the audio recording of the event. I'm not 100% sure what we're going to do with it.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: We'll have to see.
SARAH: But we have it.
KAYLA: But it does exist. And there were some good questions. There were some very good questions and some silly times had. Was I sewn into my outfit and couldn't pee all night?
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: Yes. Thank you for asking. Yeah. But hopefully there will be at least a few more events this year. We're discussing. We're having discussions.
SARAH: Discussion. Wonderful. Well, keep buying our book because… we haven't gotten paid for it yet.
KAYLA: I don't know when that happens.
SARAH: I don't either.
KAYLA: We can't even say like, oh, you have to buy it now because it's the first week and it's in forward. Like we don't even have.
SARAH: That's over.
KAYLA: It's over. We didn't do it, you guys. Shocking to everyone.
SARAH: They didn't print enough
KAYLA: It was never going to happen
SARAH: for us to sell enough to be a New York Times bestseller.
KAYLA: Here's the thing about New York Times bestseller. I was talking to my coworker who used to work in publishing and it's not an objective list. It's not actually based on what book is sold the most. They choose.
SARAH: Mhm
(05:00)
KAYLA: So sometimes there are books that like do not like that. There is a book that sells more copies than the book that's on the list and it doesn't make it because they just don't feel like it. Like it's an editorialized list.
SARAH: So what you're telling me is that we're not nepotism babies enough.
KAYLA: Yeah which is rude because
SARAH: we should have been more nepotism. We worked with the queer organization at the Times once.
KAYLA: That's so true.
SARAH: So like one time we did a thing with that. We did a panel anyway. And for those of you being like, what panel? I didn't see it. It was internal.
SARAH: You don't get to see it.
KAYLA: You didn't get to. You don't work at the Times. You wouldn't understand. Anyway, buy our book for no other reason than because I said so. And we have new merch for the book.
SARAH: True. I need to buy it.
KAYLA: I ordered mine.
SARAH: (laughing) Should I do it right now?
KAYLA: Okay. Well, I don't know, man, because I ordered mine and it said it arrived and it was not here. So I need to do a little email and be like, excuse you.
SARAH: Me? Excuse you me?
KAYLA: Excuse you to my house. But yeah, we have book themed merch.
SARAH: There are two of them.
KAYLA: There are two of them.
SARAH: And I'm going to buy them both.
KAYLA: And I think they're cute. So you should buy it.
SARAH: Nice. I'm not going to buy it right now because we're focused.
KAYLA: Yeah. Sarah claims we're in a time crunch. So.
SARAH: We are in a time crunch because in one hour and 11 minutes, Hobi’s Single is coming out.
KAYLA: We have plenty of time. So much time
SARAH: I know, but anything could go wrong. Any number of things could go wrong. Anyway
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: let's not encourage things to go wrong. What are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, we were talking about alcohol and the drinking of it because this is something that came up. So after our book event, we went to a little bar/cafe thing and we're like, oh, if anyone wants to come hang out. So some lovely people that are part of ACES NYC were hanging out, and we were chatting with them. And somehow it came up that there's this study that came out that shows that aspec people drink less alcohol than allo people.
SARAH: On average.
KAYLA: On average, a bunch of people, they were like, oh, yeah, I don't drink. And so we were just kind of talking about that and why that is and such. And we were like, oh, episode idea. Now here we are.
SARAH: So thanks, guys.
KAYLA: Thank you. Hehehe
SARAH: I don't know that any of them actually listen to the podcast, but they still contribute.
KAYLA: I think one person at least had heard Dalton King's episode.
SARAH: I mean, as they should.
KAYLA: Speaking of Dalton King
SARAH: Oh my god
KAYLA: if you'll remember, Sarah's friend Dalton King writes gay porn for his job. He has been nominated.
SARAH: He has been nominated for a Grabby Award.
KAYLA: A Grabby Award. Sarah and I read the script. Lovely, lovely stuff. Learned a lot. He sent us other scripts, too, which I haven't read yet.
SARAH: I haven't read them yet.
KAYLA: We were at the Mexican restaurant.
SARAH: I think Amanda read all of them.
KAYLA: We were at the Mexican restaurant with our families. And then the kids’ side of the table was all heads down reading gay porn. And our parents were just like la-dee-da talking about, I don't even know. Sap?
SARAH: I think they were talking about us. Yeah, they were also talking about sap harvesting.
KAYLA: Anyway, so everyone show some love for Dalton King. He was nominated for a Grabby Award.
SARAH: An icon. A king, if you will.
KAYLA: If you will.
SARAH: Anyway. Alcohol. That's a word. I think I've said this in the podcast before. I struggle with pronouncing that word because my instinct is to say alcohol.
KAYLA: Interesting. Oh yeah, we have talked about this.
SARAH: And I don't think that's a Michigan accent thing. I think that's just me.
KAYLA: That's you. Okay, I found the study. So the study is called Understanding Alcohol and Tobacco Consumption in Asexual Samples, a Mixed Methods Approach.
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: I'll read you the abstract because that's all you really need to read.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: It really is, to be honest. So the abstract says, Existing research suggests significant differences in alcohol and tobacco consumption trends according to one's sexual orientation. However, asexual people have not yet been included in these comparisons. In this Mixed Methods two-part study, we sought to compare groups' differences in alcohol and tobacco consumption among sexual orientations, focusing on asexual people, sexual people, and those in the gray area between asexual and sexual, i.e. gray asexual. They had some data from some places. Blah, blah, blah. Notably, asexual and gray asexual respondents were found to consume significantly less alcohol and were more likely to abstain from drinking alcohol altogether compared to allosexual respondents. Differences in tobacco consumption were only statistically significant
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KAYLA: for asexual respondents in two of the three studies that included tobacco consumption. Gray – asexual and gray asexual respondents were more likely to be non-drinkers than allosexuals. Okay yeah. Interviews conducted in one of the studies… Interviews conducted in study two identified somatic, social, and psychological experiences and motivations that may shed light on the reasons for lower drinking frequencies. So yeah, according to the study… And I am curious what other studies have found if they find that gay people drink more. I wouldn't be surprised if that was found because I feel like, stereotypically, I feel like part of gay culture is like going to the club and like...
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: RuPaul's Drag Race is like always sponsored by vodka brands.
SARAH:Well, you know, me and my famil
KAYLA: I know
SARAH: went to Stonewall Inn when we were in New York. And it happened to be a Friday night and they do Drag Race, RuPaul's Drag Race viewing parties. And my sister and her wife love RuPaul's Drag Race. And so they ended up staying for it. And they were like sponsored by a certain type of drink, except there were alcoholic ones and then there were virgin ones. And they only sent the non-alcoholic ones. They didn't have the alcoholic ones. Like the sponsor did not send alcoholic ones. And so they were like, you can have a non-alcoholic beverage and put a shot in it. What are you reading? You're distracted. You're not listening to me.
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm reading research for… this
SARAH: I'm telling a good story and you're not listening.
KAYLA: I already heard the story.
SARAH: I forgot about that.
KAYLA: Yeah, okay. So one of these studies, they did interviews with these people kind of to ask like, okay, why don't you drink? So part of it, it seems like pretty typical stuff of like the taste of alcohol or hangover effects. Some people said that they intended to avoid environments that had a lot of drinking, such as like bars and clubs because they just didn't like all the noise and just that thing. The cost was another reason.
SARAH: Yeah. Can I jump in? This is not alcohol. This is on the tobacco thing. Can I just do a quick jump in on that?
KAYLA: I would love that.
SARAH: I have a completely unfounded theory.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Not based in any truth.
KAYLA: I can't wait.
SARAH: I feel like the only reason people think smoking is cool, but they ever think that vaping is different.
KAYLA: Okay, so you mean like cigarette.
SARAH: I'm talking about cigarettes.
KAYLA: Okay, analog smoking.
SARAH: Analog smoking, yes. I feel like the only reason people start doing it or people like doing it, not the only reason people start, but it's like sexy. It's smoking. Like, oh, that guy's smoking.
KAYLA: Here's the thing. It does look hot. I'm sorry. It does.
SARAH: See, I agree.
KAYLA: And what is it?
SARAH: And so I'm wondering what, why? Why do even me and you agree?
KAYLA: I don't know. So I took a class in college that was like, the whole class was about addiction, and it was a mix of a history class and a psych class. So it was really interesting. We went through the history of like opioids and tobacco and weed and like talked both about the brain and kind of like history and stuff. And I'm trying to remember if that got brought up in the tobacco section. I think it must be a media thing, right?
SARAH: It has to be
KAYLA: Because there's like, you have your James Dean and you're like black and white magazine covers.
SARAH: I think that's got to be it. Because there's nothing, I don't think there's anything inherently, I mean, you're putting something in your mouth ooh
KAYLA: You could say there's something like slightly phallic about it, that you're like putting like a stick shaped thing in your mouth.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Maybe it's like the attitude of people that you often see, because it's not like, because here's the thing, not everyone who smokes is hot.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: When I think of a hot person who smokes, I'm thinking specifically of like red lipstick, black and white photo
SARAH: Oh yeah
KAYLA: kind of like the rock and roll.
SARAH: Like moody artsy lighting.
KAYLA: Yes, like that is hot.
SARAH: Yeah, I'm not picturing like, I'm not picturing like a 60 year old man like sitting outside a gas station.
KAYLA: That’s not hot
SARAH: That's not what I'm picturing. Yeah
KAYLA: so yeah, I don't know.
SARAH: Yeah, but that's, and so if fewer asexuals are into tobacco products, maybe it's because they just don't feel like, they don't feel the need to appear hot.
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SARAH: So they just don't start.
KAYLA: Maybe
SARAH: Because once you start, you know, those things are addictive.
KAYLA: So what I was looking for, so all of the reasons given in this of like why these people don't drink are pretty standard.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: I think things that you often hear like, you know, you don't like the social situation or you don't like the feeling of loss of control. You don't like the taste of it. I was kind of expecting, because my, here's my theory, and we were talking about this with the people we met after the event. We were kind of theorizing why that was, and we talked about how a lot of times alcohol is present in social situations where people are trying to like socially lubricate so that they can then feel more confident, talking to people, courting people, like trying to hook up, trying to flirt and date or whatever.
SARAH: Alcohol is a social lubricant.
KAYLA: Yeah. And if you're aspec and that's not your goal, then like you wouldn't feel that need to like break that ice or whatever in that way. So I'm kind of surprised I didn't see that in that study anywhere.
SARAH: Yeah, and I know, I know that study was just focused on asexual
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: and gray asexual. But I mean, not to generalize, but I do think it's probably applicable to aros.
KAYLA: I would not be surprised.
SARAH: And gray-ros too.
KAYLA: I wouldn't be surprised.
SARAH: Yeah. I wouldn't be surprised by that.
KAYLA: Because you think about how people often start drinking. It is often in high school or college in a party setting at the time of age where people are like coming into their sexualities, starting to have an interest in that. And like those environments like that, I don't know, like the environments where kids are starting to drink are the same environments where kids are starting to experiment with their sexualities
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I feel like. And so if you start at a young age, putting those together
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: then it's like it gets hard to separate because it's like, oh, this is just like you don't even think about like, oh, this is just what you do.
SARAH: Yeah, because for me, if you think about like, okay, events where alcohol is an inherent part of it
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: certain sporting events, and then like college, like frat type parties, even if they're not a frat party, like college parties, like those are the two kind of things that I think of.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: As an American, I know another, like in Germany, the culture is a little bit different.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think this is probably quite American, with countries with a lower drinking age, you're more likely to start drinking with your family, and so it might be a bit different.
SARAH: What's the country with the highest drinking age?
KAYLA: Probably here.
SARAH: Sometimes, I don't know about that. Sometimes I think about how the 21 year old's age minimum for drinking in the United States was like new within our parents' lifetimes.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And how before then it was 18, so like there are people alive now who legally drank as 18 year old. Because it seems so like set in stone.
KAYLA: They should just put it back
SARAH: I don't think they're going to.
KAYLA: They're not going to, but nobody's waiting anyway. Like, you know, what are we doing?
SARAH: Highest drinking. Highest minimum. Bogey!
KAYLA: Sir.
SARAH: He just knocked my Yoongi calendar off the table.
KAYLA: Bitch. He’s an anti
SARAH: This is his month. This is Yungi month. You're a fucking anti. Unbelievable.
KAYLA: I can't believe this.
SARAH: Unbelievable.
KAYLA: Anti behavior.
SARAH: Anyway, the highest drinking age is 25 in some regions of some countries, including parts of India. The legal drinking age in the US, Kazakhstan, and Micronesia is 21. Several other nations, including Japan and Iceland, follow close behind.
KAYLA: Huh. The more you know.
SARAH: But it seems like those 25s are regional, not national.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: It does say that in most countries, it's 18.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And the lowest is 16, which is in a lot of European countries. I know in Germany, and this is true in some other countries in Europe, there's a different age for wine and beer versus liquor.
KAYLA: Mm yeah, that makes sense
SARAH: So you can drink beer at 16, but you can't have liquor until you're 18. Anyway, but also, you go to church
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SARAH: and you have wine.
KAYLA: I saw a TikTok the other day.
SARAH: It’s Jesus’s blood fuck off
KAYLA: I saw a TikTok the other day that said, do churches have to have a liquor license? For communion. They don't.
SARAH: Well, here's the thing, too, is once the wine, at least in the Catholic Church, once the wine has been.
KAYLA: It’s turned Magically into blood.
SARAH: And once it become, because in the Catholic Church, it doesn't just represent Jesus's flesh.
KAYLA: Allegedly.
SARAH: it becomes. So you're straight up drinking this bitch's blood. But once it has been blessed. Once it has been blessed for the wafers
KAYLA: Skin
SARAH: if they've been blessed, but they haven't been used, there's a special place where you can store them.
KAYLA: Yeah, you put them in the cup and then they go in the hut.
SARAH: In the thing, yeah.
KAYLA: But for wine, they just drink it.
SARAH: You can't dump it out.
KAYLA: Yeah they just chug it
SARAH: You have to drink it. And they do. And so if you're one of the people who is like giving out the wine
KAYLA: You have to finish it
SARAH: at Mass and say not many people take, because like in at least the Catholic Church that I grew up in, most people took communion, but they didn't. They would often only take the wafer and not do the wine.
KAYLA: Yeah because, the wine was gross.
SARAH: Yeah. And so if not that many people drank the wine, then whatever is left, they have to drink. Even if it's like 10 a.m. on a Sunday.
KAYLA: Got to drink that blood.
SARAH: And like, I'm pretty sure they drink it before Mass ends too, because like they kind of do it like as Mass is wrapping up, at least at my church.
KAYLA: That's like the last thing before.
SARAH: It's like right at the end when they're like, here’s the thing you need to know about the Communion.
KAYLA: Yes. Anyway. This research said that the question is, do single people who drinks more couples or singles? And they said that they found that those who are married drink less alcohol and drink less often than those who are single or divorced, which like kind of makes sense because if you're like going out less with the intention to like find someone.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Then there's like less opportunity for those like social engagements that go with alcohol?
SARAH: Right. Like, like you're not necessarily going out seeking to meet people.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: If you go out, it's more likely to be with friends at a planned event, which is also a situation where you may not, you may not feel you need as much social lubricant.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And also, if you're comfortable with the people that you're with and you trust them, like, hopefully they won't judge you if you're like, no, I don't want to drink tonight or like I don't want any more or that sort of situation.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Whereas if you're like talking to some guy that you're trying to hook up with and he's like, oh no, we have another haven't like, you're more likely to say yes.
KAYLA: Yeah. I was also thinking about, I think so often people's first dates or like first couple of dates or whatever is just to go get drinks.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: That's the date is like, we're going to just go to the bar and get a drink.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: So I was looking up that too. I'm just like, why did we do that? So I found a HuffPost article that said modern dating is making us drink more. It's making us less successful at it. And it talks about how this writer, I don't think it's, it's not who wrote the article, this writer said what she, she before a date would take would drink a personality drink. Like before she even went on the date, because it's just like, you know, it opens you up or whatever. And so then, and you go on a date, you drink more. So she was saying it gives you a false sense of connection with a person.
SARAH: Mr. Bogey stepped on my keyboard and he stopped my recording and I didn't notice, but luckily it was only like 20 seconds ago. Continue.
KAYLA: So then they're basically talking about you have like your champagne goggles on because you go, you have a drink before you go because you're nervous. And then you go get drinks with someone, you have a couple more drinks. And of course you're going to think you like them more and like, oh, you have so much chemistry. You're talking so well because…
SARAH: you know what I prefer to champagne goggles?
KAYLA: Aspec goggles.
SARAH: Aspec lenses
KAYLA: So true.
SARAH: buy our book. It's also really interesting to me. One of the like networking is very, at least in my industry and Hollywood. It is very much based in getting drinks after work.
KAYLA: That’s true. We have a friend who's becoming a lawyer and she also doesn't drink as she said the same thing of like, it's hard to network
SARAH: Yeah
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KAYLA: with people because that's people's go to is like, oh, let's just go get a drink. And it's like, well, yeah.
SARAH: And so for me, a person who does not drink and also does not like, especially one on one situations with people that I don't know are like people that I've only emailed with sometimes in a professional setting. Like I don't want to go to begin with. And then, and then when I go, then they're like, oh, what are you drinking? And I'm like, Coca Cola. And like, you hope that they will have a perfectly normal reaction to that. But like, you never know what people are going to be weird about.
KAYLA: It's like what this article is saying too is that so many people are meeting dates off of apps. So it's a complete stranger. And so because they're uncomfortable with that, that's why they're having a drink. Is because
SARAH: yeah, it's kind of like everything is a blind date almost.
KAYLA: Yeah. And so it's like the same thing you're saying with networking of like, this is someone you don't know very well. And so you might feel more comfortable if you liked drinking, if you like had a drink to make you more loose or whatever.
SARAH: Mhm. Yeah.
KAYLA: So I think it's interesting.
SARAH: Like I definitely think alcohol's influence on people has its use.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like has it, it can be helpful, but you have to use it right. For example, I don't drink, but you know what I love doing?
KAYLA: Cherry coke. Take a sip
SARAH: That wasn’t what I was going to say. I love using people being drunk as a story device in the plot of things I'm writing.
KAYLA: Okay, yes
SARAH: It is so helpful. Yeah, they just be doing shit because they just be doing shit. And so, you know, as a writer, I am constantly – not constant. I'm not like every scene everyone’s drunk
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But like, you know, and sometimes I have to be like, is this what drunk people do? Like I have to ask people. One time I wrote a line and I was like, I like this line, but I don't know if it's right for drunk. And my friend was like, yeah, that seems a little more like high. So I was like, I'm going to leave it in
KAYLA: But now they’re high
SARAH: but just change the line so that it acknowledges that it is, you know
KAYLA: high thought. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, none of this is to say that alcohol is bad. Like I drink.
SARAH: I've been drinking.
KAYLA: I’ve been drinking
SARAH: Why did I turn that into like a southern situation?
KAYLA: It's just that if you are going into every social situation using it as a crutch.
SARAH: And if you need it.
KAYLA: Yeah, if you need it. Like, obviously that's a whole other problem.
SARAH: Alcoholism is bad bad.
KAYLA: It is bad. But it's not your fault either. It's genetic. Anyway. It can be genetic.
SARAH: It can be genetic.
KAYLA: Like that's what's, that's when it starts to be a problem is if you're going on dates and drinking every time. Like, of course you're not going to know if you actually like someone or like you might get to the third date and be like, oh, you're actually really boring. How did we get here?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like that is gonna make it confusing.
SARAH: Here's a question for you.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: I think – I think I know the answer. But I'm asking you anyway. For me as an aroace who does not drink. Yes. Do you think those things are connected in any way?
KAYLA: For you?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Hm. I think it could be.
SARAH: How so?
KAYLA: I think that if you, cause you like don't, you're not a huge like party person either.
SARAH:(sing-song) I don't leave my house.
KAYLA: Right. But if you wanted to date or have sex, I think you might be more likely to leave your house because you would have to to find that.
SARAH: Or, or I would complain about how I wasn't dating or having sex, but not doing anything. That sounds like a thing I would do too.
KAYLA: That sounds like what you would do. But if you were like really motivated to do that, then you might find yourself in more places when there where there is alcohol.
SARAH: Do you think I would actually drink it?
KAYLA: I don't know. It's hard for me because I, I do. I've never, you know, I've obviously never known you to drink.
SARAH: Me neither. Crazy.
KAYLA: Right. And like there, there's just something about you. And I don't think it's like your orientation. There's something about you that it makes sense that you don't drink.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And maybe that's just because you don't.
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KAYLA: And so to me it's like, well, of course she doesn't.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But there is something about you that it's like, yeah, of course she doesn't drink.
SARAH: I have this weird thing where I'm like, in practice, I'm very straight-laced, but I'm not straight, nor do I care if anyone else is straight-laced.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So it's like, I don't drink. I don't do a drug. I'm afraid of gambling.
KAYLA: Well, that's the thing is like, I do think that you probably have a propensity towards an addictive personality.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Which is like why you don't have games on your phone and things like that. So that is the thing. The thing is, what was that? Did you hear that? Or was that me?
SARAH: I heard it repeated. It like skipped.
KAYLA: That was weird. There was a buzz in my ear.
SARAH: Oh. Well, you skipped.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I had a buzz a little bit earlier. It was like before you came on. It was weird.
KAYLA: That's weird. Anyway, so like if you did start drinking, maybe you like would really like it, you know?
SARAH: That's part of the reason why I don't.
KAYLA: Exactly.
SARAH: But also, I'm a really picky eater and I'm just afraid of shit.
KAYLA: That's also part of it is like alcohol doesn't often taste good. Like there's some that taste good, but like at a college party where people start drinking, like none of that tastes good.
SARAH: There was a thing going around the Twitter circles that I operate on recently, which was like the five drinks you should know me by.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Kayla?
KAYLA: Yep
SARAH: here's a quiz. Can you name five different drinks that I drink?
KAYLA: No. Cherry Coke
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: milk, water.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: You're not a Sprite guy, are you?
SARAH: I've never had Sprite.
KAYLA: Yeah, you're not a Sprite guy. You're not a ginger ale guy. Lemonade guy?
SARAH: I will drink lemonade.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I am very rarely like, I want lemonade, and when I do drink lemonade, I usually prefer it to be like pretty watered down.
KAYLA: Hot cocoa?
SARAH: No. That’s chocolate bitch
KAYLA: Cider? Oh yeah. You like a cider?
SARAH: I will. I will drink cider, not hard cider, like soft cider.
KAYLA: Soft cider.
SARAH: Like apple cider. I will drink it, but if you gave me a full glass of it, I would be like, this is way too much.
KAYLA: Okay, so there really are only three drinks that you actually like, like.
SARAH: We can count Coke and Cherry Coke as two separate drinks.
KAYLA: That's fair. Well, yeah, you really...
SARAH: Yeah, and so I was just like, everyone's like, oh, here are the five drinks that you should define me by.
KAYLA: You’re like, I don't even know five drinks.
SARAH: I was like, I can't even list five drinks.
KAYLA: I'm a big drink guy. I'm a drink girlie. I like a silly little drink.
SARAH: I would be a horrible bisexual, because bisexuals famously always have at least three drinks going.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: And I would just be so bad at that.
KAYLA: Yeah, I like a drink. I like a silly little drink.
SARAH: Anyway. What were we talking about?
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know. I just can't imagine you being into alcohol. I don't know.
SARAH: Yeah, and so like, I don't know, for me it's a...
KAYLA: There’s something wrong about it
SARAH: And when people ask me, like, why don't you drink? Like, I don't have an answer that satisfies people.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like, people will be like, oh, like, are you morally against it? No, I don't fucking care if you do. And they're like, oh, do you not like the feeling of being drunk?
KAYLA: I don’t know. Who’s to say?
SARAH: I've never been drunk. I don't know. Like, and I can be like, oh, I don't like the taste of it. Like, I don't... I'm not drawn to the idea of being drunk. And the thing that usually people will accept is like, I don't know, I have an addictive personality.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I'm afraid if I start, I won't stop. And people will like, oh, okay, I accept that answer.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And it is part of the answer. But also, I just don't want... I don't know. I just don't have any urge to.
KAYLA: I almost wonder if there are a lot more people who start that way who then feel pressured to start drinking because they feel like they need it to date and have sex. And then they end up just, like, growing accustomed to it or, like, developing a taste for it.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But because those social pressures weren't there for you, you never forced yourself to like it.
SARAH: Yeah, that could be true.
KAYLA: Like, there's probably a lot more people out there that, like, had those pressures not been there, they also would never have started drinking.
SARAH: Yeah. And also, I think not drinking is associated with being… I'm trying to think of a word that's not ableist. But the word I'm thinking of is lame. You're not supposed to use that.
KAYLA: Rude?
SARAH: No, like boring.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And, like, not cool.
(35:00)
KAYLA: Yeah. A stick. A stick in the mud.
SARAH: Yes. And, like, you think of, like, religious community, like, Mormons can't even have caffeine, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And, like, that’s seen as, like, embarrassing.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so it's, like, people don't want to be seen as that.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Especially if you're trying to date, because, like, you don't want people to see you a certain way, so… I benefit from not giving a fuck, ever.
KAYLA: Yeah. I think that's hard.
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: Sorry, Hobi's live.
KAYLA: Oh, okay. I think that's probably hard for aspecs, too, because, like, because aspecs are more likely not to date or have sex, obviously, they still do and can, but, ma’am, focus up.
SARAH: But look at him. He's just outside.
KAYLA: We gotta focus up, girl.
SARAH: Look at him. What's he doing?
KAYLA: Michael Jackson-looking ass.
SARAH: That's not even the one that you think looks like Michael Jackson.
KAYLA: I don't remember which one it is, but one...
SARAH: The one that you think looks like Michael Jackson is my bias, bitch.
KAYLA: Sugar looks like Michael Jackson? He does, yeah. Y’all, I can name all of the BTS now.
SARAH: Do it.
KAYLA: I want to write it down. It'll help me. I watched two pieces of BTS content while Sarah was visiting me.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: You're welcome. Sarah's bias is Sugar.
SARAH: Mhm. I mean, that's not his name, but yeah.
KAYLA: Jimin, J-Hope, Jungkook, Jin, RM, V. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven. I got seven!
SARAH: Oh my god.
KAYLA: I got all seven, and I remembered your bias. Everyone, get shat upon.
SARAH: Get shat upon.
KAYLA: Get shat upon. Anyway, what I was saying, as far as so rudely interrupted, is that people who do not date or have sex are also often seen as boring, and so then you add not drinking on top of that, and if asexual people are more likely not to drink, then that's just like two counts against you for things that shouldn't be obviously counted against you, like it should not be seen as boring. So if that does, I feel like probably make it tough.
SARAH: Yeah, and you know what? I don't think this is intentionally related, but I do think I thought of it earlier when I referred to a non-alcoholic drink as virgin.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Where it's like it's…
KAYLA: Without.
SARAH: I need a word that's not...
KAYLA: Synonym for lame. Why would I be saying lummy? What? Now it just came up with the word first. What's happening?
SARAH: Hello? I always have thesaurus.com open. The last thing I looked up was limbs.
KAYLA: Okay, these are all just ableist.
SARAH: These are bad. I mean it in like the colloquial way.
KAYLA: I'm looking up boring synonym
SARAH: Anyway, it doesn't… Okay, boring.
KAYLA: Dull.
SARAH: I forgot what I was saying. Dull? This is the problem. I really am trying to eliminate...
KAYLA: Flat.
SARAH: I really am trying to eliminate...
KAYLA: Pedestrian lackluster.
SARAH: Can you stop?
KAYLA: Humdrum.
SARAH: There's so much going on.
KAYLA: That's a good one. Humdrum.
SARAH: Hobi is live.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: The cat is walking all over my desk.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: I'm trying to finish a sentence and you're just saying name. Why did you talk about the floor again?
KAYLA: Common or garden. Remember when we couldn't figure out the word common or garden variety?
SARAH: There it is. Anyway. Bogey just fucking dropped my shit on the floor again. Anyway. What the fuck was I saying? I have really been trying to eliminate slang words that are ableist in origin. Yeah. But there are so many of them and a lot of them don't have good synonyms. I'm trying to find… Because you shouldn't use the word stupid or crazy either.
I've been really trying.
KAYLA: I've really been trying not to say crazy recently, but then I'm also like, can I not?
SARAH: I said it earlier on this podcast and I was like, fuck.
KAYLA: I've been saying bananas a lot.
SARAH: I say wild a lot.
KAYLA: I say wild a lot too. Anyway.
SARAH: Yeah. But by that is unhinged ableist?
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: Because it's in reference to, you know what I mean?
KAYLA: Yeah. It's kind of like you think about the word hysterical, how that was applied to women historically and what it means now. I don't know. Language is tough.
SARAH: Language is tough. Anyway. I have fucking no idea what we were talking about.
KAYLA: You were talking about virgin. Virgin drinks.
SARAH: Oh, right. How it's looked down upon to be like, oh, I'm drinking a virgin drink in the same way that it's looked down upon to be a virgin.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And it's like, there's no fucking reason for that, but it is what it is.
KAYLA: It is what it is.
(40:00)
SARAH: Well, I won't say it is what it is because that implies that we can't change it.
KAYLA: That's true. And we can and we're working on it. But, you know, it takes time.
SARAH: It does.
KAYLA: Now I'm just thinking about the first time I ever got drunk in college, ever, and in college. Like it was in large part to like impress a guy.
SARAH: When was it?
KAYLA: In college.
SARAH: Yeah. When?
KAYLA: It was the party. So we were, Sarah and I were in a musical together freshman year and I had to act drunk in the musical.
SARAH: Oh, right.
KAYLA: And I had never been drunk before. So we like threw a party as a cast in large part to teach me what it felt like. Being drunk.
SARAH: To be drunk.
KAYLA: Yeah. But I just think about like how different I think about drinking now than I did first of all, when I started drinking, which makes sense. I was like much younger. Like how differently I think about it now and also like how different my intentions are now when drinking.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like you think about, you know, those like TikToks you see where like a group of friends is going out for the night and everyone is like, here's my goal for the night is to like not call my ex or like to kiss whoever to like, you know, you think about like why people are going out to drink in the first place. And a lot of times like they are just linked with dating and sex.
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah. I think we'll stop now.
KAYLA: Oh, okay.
SARAH: Kayla, what's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Do you drink?
SARAH: Do you drink?
KAYLA: Aspec? Yes, no. Allo, yes, no.
SARAH: I think I'd also be curious, don't necessarily put this in the poll, but if people are interested in sharing like whether you are a social drinker
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: or it's something you only do like a couple times a year or whether it's something you do regularly or if you, or if you want to tell us about you being an alcoholic, it's a safe space.
KAYLA: It is a safe space.
SARAH: We won't know what the fuck to say to you.
KAYLA: We could send you some resources.
SARAH: But it is a safe space
KAYLA: Other than that, we are not trained to help with that. So the best we could do is send you some resources, but it is a safe space if you want to share. Yes.
SARAH: So there's that.
KAYLA: So true
SARAH: Kayla, what is your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: My beef is that I did not, I did brain testing. Okay, beef and juice. So I did my brain testing, if y'all recall.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: The juice in that is I found out I'm in the 99th percentile, so genius, in some brain areas.
SARAH: (laughing) In some brain areas, I'm smart.
KAYLA: Okay, in the rest of my brain areas though, I was like average. I wasn't even bad at anything.
SARAH: I mean, I believe you.
KAYLA: One of the things I'm good at are language and talking.
SARAH: Turning a horse around in your head.
KAYLA: No, I was just average at rotating a horse. Can you believe that? I thought I was so good at rotating a fucking horse.
SARAH: I would be average at best at rotating a horse.
KAYLA: Yeah. But anyway, I'm good at language, so can you even believe it? And I'm not bad at math. I'm just average at math, they said. And they said because I'm so good at other things, I thought I was bad at math. I'm still convinced I have dyscalculia. Anyway.
SARAH: High-achieving child disorder.
KAYLA: Yeah. So anyway, I did not get the diagnosis I was looking for, so then I was like, where did my easy answers go for what's wrong with my brain? But then I was like
SARAH: oh no, it's not so simple and straightforward.
KAYLA: Who would have thought. But then I was talking to my therapist, and then we were like, maybe my meds are wrong, so now I'm going to talk to a different doctor about my medication. So really, I'm on a whole brain journey over here. So I guess that's beef and juice.
SARAH: Wonderful. My beef.
KAYLA: Oh, here we go.
SARAH: Is the Streets of Los Angeles.
KAYLA: Oh yeah, they came for you, didn't they?
SARAH: Absolutely aphobic. Y'all might recall, less than a year ago, I had to replace all of my tires on my car because I got a flat tire. And you're supposed to replace them at least in twos, but it's better to do it in fours because they all have even tread. It was a whole shenanigans. Guess who got another fucking flat tire on my less than a year old tire.
KAYLA: Not you tweeting in the middle of this podcast.
SARAH: (laughing) Not you liking my tweet in the middle of this podcast.
KAYLA: I can't believe this.
SARAH: I hope you know that I do have the live on just under your face.
KAYLA: Oh, I know. I saw you put it there.
SARAH: Anyway
KAYLA: I'm aware of what you do.
SARAH: I can't hear it, but I don't understand Korean anyway.
KAYLA: So what's the fucking point?
SARAH: Anyway, I hit a pothole. So that pothole had been there because they've been doing road construction
(45:00)
SARAH: and it's just been fucking up the road, but like on and off. So like I could drive where it was. And it was after it rained a bunch. And the pothole is fucking evil and very deep and just like
KAYLA: long too
SARAH: Weirdly shaped. Long. Yeah. And so I got a flat tire. I'm just going to walk you through this whole thing.
KAYLA: I'll sit back. I'll be back here.
SARAH: I got a flat tire. And so I find a place where I can go. So I went to that place and I was like, here's my tire, fix it. And they were like, this has heat damage. So we can't, it's in our policy to not fix things with heat damage because there's like a 50% chance they'll break if you do that. And so it's our policy to not do it. And I was like, how, what is heat damage? He was like, yeah, that means that you drove on it too long after it was flat. And I was like, I drove a block. It was like the pothole. The pothole is very close to where I work. And when I dropped off my car and walked back to work, I passed the pothole. I did not like, and the, the low tire, no low air pressure thing didn't even come on until I was like at the gate at work. I drove maybe 50 feet after that came up. So I was like, girl, this tire is less than a year old. What the fuck are you on about? So he was like, we can't fix it. But if you go to this place up the road, they'll do it. And so I was like, you know what? I appreciate your helpfulness, but it's also like a weird dig at those people.
KAYLA: Yeah it is kind of rude
SARAH: Like, oh, they're not, they'll fix what we're too hoity-toity to fix. Anyway, I went there. It was at a gas station and there was no office. So I just like walked into the garage and it was just like a guy talking on the phone and then another guy like sitting on his phone. And I was like, hi.
KAYLA: Hello.
SARAH: Can I have a tire? Can you, can you fix it? And he was like, yeah. And I was like, how do you want me to proceed?
KAYLA: (laughing) They're not, they're not following the script right.
SARAH: And he was like, he'll help you. And it was the guy on the phone. So I was like, all right, I'll wait. Also, he wasn't on, he was on a cell phone. Like he was just, I don't know what he was doing. And so then I show it to him and I also needed an oil change. So I was like, oh, two for one, great. So then I left and then I came back and he was like, yeah. So we did your oil change problem. The tire's not fixable. And I was like, what the fuck? What the fuck, bro? And he showed it to me. And it was because there was sidewall damage, which is what fucking happened last time. There was a stupid fucking slit in the side of the fucking garbage. Anyway, I had to get a new tire, but because I had gotten new tires within the last year, I could just get the one because the tread wasn't that fucked up. And so then I had it delivered. And then I got – dropped off my car and they were like, it'll take an hour. And I was like, cool. I'm going to go sit at Arby's and eat some Arby's and bring my work iPad so I can do a little work. And then it'll be done in an hour. It did not take an hour. It took like three hours or more. I don't know. And then I went back and then finally they finished it. But then there was a bunch of work that I couldn't do because I thought that my drafts saved to multiple devices, but apparently they don't. That's why it's an email draft that I couldn't do. Anyway, I got my tire. I had to pay money.
My juice is that I got Agust D tickets.
KAYLA: I saw this.
SARAH: For one of the LA dates. I'm still looking for tickets for the other two LA dates. I would like to go to them all if I can. So if anyone is selling tickets, face value for the May 10th or May 14th show, hit me up.
KAYLA: Can’t believe you're going for my birthday.
SARAH: I know. The problem is that fucking Ticketmaster, fucking platinum pricing. Luckily, I got my tickets for the actual correct price. It was still very expensive because they're soundchecked.
KAYLA: I'm going to be in California then for a wedding. What if I ditch the wedding to go to BTS with you?
SARAH: I mean, all of his shows are sold out. They all sold out on day one.
KAYLA: That's what you think.
SARAH: That is what I think. Correct.
KAYLA: Yep
SARAH: Anyway, but there was like platinum pricing. So like in the two hundreds, it would be like fucking thousand dollars.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Ticketmaster scams everybody.
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: And so like some people like their face value tickets are like $600 for a seat in the two hundreds. I'm like, I'm not paying. Anyway, I'm sorry for that.
(50:00)
KAYLA: Me too
SARAH: You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your August D tickets that you're selling, please. On our social media at SoundsFakePod. If you've got August D tickets, just hit up my personal @costiellie
KAYLA: Okay. Yeah, if you send them to the podcast, I will not forward them.
SARAH: Oh fuck. Anyway, okay. We also have a Patreon. Patreon.com/soundsfakepod If you want to be as cool as Martin Chiesl, you can become a patron.
KAYLA: You'll never be as cool as Martin Chiesl. I'm sorry. It won't happen.
SARAH: We have a new two dollar patron. It is H Moyer. Moyer.
KAYLA: I love you. (blows a kiss) You're not as cool as Martin, but I love you.
SARAH: But you could be with time. Our five dollar patrons who we're promoting this week are Leila, Lily, Livvy, and Mary.
KAYLA: Whoa.
SARAH: Mary's a real outlier.
KAYLA: Yeah. RIP Mary. Sorry about that.
SARAH: Leila, Lily, Livvy, and Mary. Our ten dollar patrons. We have a new ten dollar patron. It is David Harris. David, what would you like to promote?
KAYLA: I love you. (blows a kiss)
SARAH: Other than the fact that I'm looking for.
KAYLA: Let me start. Can you hear that? I'm giving all of our new patrons kisses. Can you hear it?
SARAH: I can't hear it over Zoom, but I'm guessing they can probably hear it.
KAYLA: Okay. Kiss for you.
SARAH: David, what would you like to promote? I'll message you. I'll try to remember to message you
KAYLA: She won’t.
SARAH: No guarantees. No guarantees.
SARAH: Elle Bitter who would like to promote normalizing the use of tone indicators slash serious JB who would like to promote…
KAYLA: What? Justin Bieber. Get your wife under control.
SARAH: There's like drama. I don't even know what the drama is.
KAYLA: Your wife is being nasty.
SARAH: Damn. One of my BTS Twitter mutuals, the one you met, the one who was at the event.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: On her personal Twitter, Justin Bieber follows her for some reason.
KAYLA: Well, she should talk to him.
SARAH: And so every year on his birthday, she DMs him, happy birthday. And this year, I don't know when his birthday was, but she DMed him, happy birthday. You should consider divorce.
KAYLA: He should. Did you know that his wife, Hailey Bieber, was like a mega fan stalker of him?
SARAH: She was a fucking sasaeng.
KAYLA: And then somehow got herself married to him. Anyway, she's nasty. Selena Gomez forever.
SARAH: True.
KAYLA: Continue
SARAH: my aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher’s Haven, and Maggie Capalbo who would like to promote their puppy Ezra Bean! Our other $10 patrons are fucking Martin Chiesl. Martin! Go off Martin
KAYLA: Ay Martin! My fucking guy.
SARAH: But then when I signed his, when I like personalized his thing, I like, I was like, I'm going to put your last name, because this is important to me.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I like had to double check that I was spelling it right, because even though I look at it, I was like
KAYLA: you never know
SARAH: So I did have to ask him, which was a little embarrassing. Anyway, Mattie, Nathan Lisch, Potater, Purple Hayes, Rosie Costello, Barefoot Backpacker, SongOfStorm, the Steve, Zirklteo, Arcnes, Alyson, Ari K, and Benjamin Ybarra. Our $15 patrons are Andrew Hillum, who would like to promote the Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Click4Caroline, who would like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell, who would like to promote Twitch.TV/MelodyDia, Hector Murillo, who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, John Young, who would like to… Oh, it doesn't matter. John Young, who would like to promote me finally sneezing, because I've been needing to sneeze for so long. Keziah Root, who would like to promote… People whol come into your life just for a small time, right when you need them. Like Martin Chiesl. Nathaniel White, who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com. Kayla’s aunt Nina, who would like to promote KateMaggartArt.com. And Sara Jones, who is @eternalloli everywhere. Our $20 patrons are Sabrina Hauck. Merry Christmas. And Dragonfly, who would like to promote sneezing. And no matter what that one fucking doctor said, sneezing is normal.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: If you listen to Dear Hank and John, you know what I'm talking about. Thanks for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, sneeze on your cow. Ah choo! (blows a kiss)
SARAH: What if they get sick?
KAYLA: Sneeze on the cow when the cow gets sick.
(laughter and indistinct conversation)
(54:20)