Ep 319: Would You Rather - Aspec Edition
SARAH: Hey, what's up, hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl. (I'm Sarah. That's me.)
KAYLA: And a bi-demisexual girl, (that's me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, ‘Would You Rather?’
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!
KAYLA: I can finally speak to Sarah again. I told her I was no longer going to converse with her off mic.
SARAH: I was basically done.
KAYLA: But it's never done, is it?
SARAH: There's always something more to say.
KAYLA: But there's always something to yap about. It is 11:43 p.m. This might be our latest start ever.
SARAH: That is absolutely not true.
KAYLA: You don't think?
SARAH: No. We've started after nine before.
KAYLA: Why would we do that to me?
SARAH: We had business, we had other things, I don't know. I got out of work late, I don't know what to tell you.
KAYLA: Terrible. Anyway
SARAH: Housekeeping. Late night housekeeping.
KAYLA: Late night housekeeping? Yes. Next week's episode we are going to…
SARAH: We're planning ahead, guys.
KAYLA: Can you believe? Next weekend
SARAH: We planned next week's episode before we knew what we were going to talk about today.
KAYLA: Yes, true. Okay, so next week we are going to be doing a listener lore drop. Okay? So, think our classic Reddit episodes that everyone loves so much, but we want it to be listener stories instead. So…
SARAH: Mm-hmm. For example, your ex driving your car into a lake. The ocean? We'll get to it next week.
KAYLA: I think it was the ocean.
SARAH: I think it was the ocean.
KAYLA: Yeah, we will be telling... This was inspired by... I think we've talked about this before, but someone in the Discord shared a wild story inspired by our last Reddit episode, and we were like, we have to have more.
SARAH: We need to do a listener lore drop.
KAYLA: We must know. So yeah, it really could be open to anything. Just think along the lines of the wild shit that's in our Reddit episodes.
SARAH: And it can also be like allo normal gossip, it can also be a friend of a friend.
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Like we don't know how true it is, but we think it's at least partially true.
KAYLA: That's true. It does not have to be your lore. It could be like, guess what my dumb ass allo friend is up to.
SARAH: Yeah. That's also acceptable.
KAYLA: Yeah. So, we will... I'm going to make up a little Google form and we'll have a link in the description of this episode, and then... And it'll be anonymous. You could tell us your name if you want, or make up a fake name, or just we'll make up a name for you.
SARAH: I love making up names.
KAYLA: Whatever. Yeah, Sarah loves making up names. So, there's the tea.
SARAH: Hell yeah. Don't lie to us. You have to at least personally believe that the story is real.
KAYLA: I would be okay if you lied.
SARAH: No, don't... I don't want liars submitting things.
KAYLA: I just want…
SARAH: For a lying episode.
KAYLA: I want fun stories to read.
SARAH: Yeah, but imagine how disappointed you would feel if you read this really good story on the podcast, and then you found out that it was fucking made up.
KAYLA: Well then just don't tell me. I never have to find out. As long as I never find out, it's a lie. It'll always be true in my heart.
SARAH: Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week we are playing ‘Would You Rather.’
SARAH: I came up with another collection of incredible podcast ideas, and Kayla didn't like them.
KAYLA: Yeah. Mm-mm. Would you like to share?
SARAH: Shipping random household objects. Like how sometimes in media they just force a hetero couple together, and I sent Kayla a bunch of voice memos, and she hasn't even listened to all of them yet.
KAYLA: I was reading about the gay men in my book kissing, so I was a little busy.
SARAH: Okay, well I was sending you star-crossed lovers.
KAYLA: Well, I was reading them.
SARAH: Featuring microplastics.
KAYLA: Well, great.
SARAH: It gets worse.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Anyway.
KAYLA: Would you like to go first, or would you like me to start?
SARAH: You go first, it was your idea.
KAYLA: Okay, I have a couple of ideas.
SARAH: I have none.
KAYLA: Would you rather be heterosexual or heteroromantic?
SARAH: Okay, I have some questions.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Some logistical questions.
KAYLA: I don't know that I'm going to have answers, but okay.
SARAH: Do I keep my other identity?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: I would rather be heteroromantic because I don't want to fuck nobody.
KAYLA: I thought that's what you were going to answer. Okay, great.
SARAH: Would you? I mean, I guess you thought for most of your life that you were one or both of those things.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's hard to say because I feel like demisexual is a hard one to switch from, quote unquote,
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: Because like demisexuality is really more about like how I become attracted than who
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And it's like my romantic attraction informs the sexual attraction.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, for me, it's hard to switch one without the other being impacted.
SARAH: I guess, would you rather be sex-repulsed asexual or romance-repulsed aromantic?
KAYLA: I think I would rather be sex-repulsed.
SARAH: Because, as we all know, sex is inferior.
KAYLA: I mean, personally… well, I personally just don't value sex as much as I think other people do, and I think also romance is harder to give up than sex is because of the cultural everything.
SARAH: Right. And because there's so much overlap, there's so much gray area about what even it is.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, I think, I mean, perhaps I've never… I've never had a conversation with someone who’s romance-repulsed, but I feel like if someone, maybe if someone were they would have a clearer line in their head of like, this is where the line is of like, this is okay and this is not but like, in my mind, me trying to conceptualize what that might feel like. I struggle to know where that know where that line is, because no one really knows where that line is.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, I'm like, well, would I be repulsed and maybe upset by like fucking people holding hands in the PDA street? Like, would that like, you know, I feel like that…
KAYLA: Mm-hmm. Yeah, I don’t know
SARAH: There would just be so many things that could… that could make you feel icky.
KAYLA: Yeah, that’s true
SARAH: That like a lot of them even might make me feel a little bit icky sometimes. And so like, being like, actually repulsed by it. Like, I think that would be difficult.
KAYLA: For me. Yeah, romance is just more on display than sex is.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, I think it would be easier. Yeah, the repulsion would like, come up more.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: If you're a romantic repulsed, I would assume. Yeah. Again, I also don't know. But…
SARAH: It's your turn again. I gave you one.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's not very fair because you just like, went off of mine. But um, well, okay, I'm gonna ask this, but I feel like I know your answer. But would you rather have sex with a man or a woman? But that makes it only two genders. Would you rather have sex with a penis or a vagina?
SARAH: I'm just so scared of penises. I just think they’re so…
KAYLA: I knew you’d say a vagina.
SARAH: Yucky.
KAYLA: Yeah. The thing is, you have a vagina, not to put you on blast.
SARAH: Not to put you on blast.
KAYLA: Ooh, funny. Um, so I feel like, so I feel like you're more used to it, you know?
SARAH: Yeah, I just… I don't like penises. Don't even get me started. What they come with balls? Gross.
KAYLA: Yeah, oftentimes they do.
SARAH: Ew. No. I don't like it.
KAYLA: Yeah, mm-hmm
SARAH: What do you mean it just moves?
KAYLA: It can, it can move on its own, all the time
SARAH: Yucky.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Um, that question does not work...
KAYLA: To be fair, your vagina can move on its own too. Kegels.
SARAH: Okay, but I gotta go, man. I'm busy. I forgot I left my oven on. Bye.
KAYLA: Uh oh. Okay, so a vagina then?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Um, I can't turn that back on you, it doesn't work.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I have to think of something on my own?
KAYLA: Yeah, you can't just ask me my questions back to me. It doesn't count.
SARAH: Would you rather, I've thought of one half, but not the other half.
KAYLA: A great start.
[00:10:00]
SARAH: Um, would you rather never have heard of asexuality at the current age you are now?
KAYLA: Mm hmm.
SARAH: Or… I can't think of another thing.
KAYLA: Okay, well, you're gonna have to, it’s just the whole thing…
SARAH: I'm trying to think of something that would be like equivalent
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because I was like, or never have heard of heterosexuality. Like, that's easy.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Um, never heard of asexuality at your current age, or you could never drink a spicy McDonald's coke again.
KAYLA: Okay, well, I can't drink McDonald's Coke.
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: I was just thinking about that today.
SARAH: Because they're illegal.
KAYLA: Because they're illegal. So, I guess I would rather not drink a McDonald's Coke. I'm already not doing that.
SARAH: Hold on let me think of something else, let me think of something else. Ugh, McDonald's is cancelled.
KAYLA: I miss it so much. I was just thinking about McDonald's Coke today.
SARAH: You're so brave.
KAYLA: I almost caved once, but then I didn't.
SARAH: You're so brave. Um…
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: Roll up to a Wendy's and be like, hey, can you put some extra spice in it?
KAYLA: Can you make it spicier, please?
SARAH: Or why was my brain like lose the right to vote? Like, what?
KAYLA: Huh? Well, I think I'd keep that.
SARAH: So, you'd rather not know what asexuality was?
KAYLA: Yeah, I think I'd keep my right to vote, probably.
SARAH: You would like to live with democracy?
KAYLA: What about you, Sarah?
SARAH: I would like to keep my right to vote, because then I could find out now about asexuality. I never said you couldn't ever.
KAYLA: Yeah, I know. Great question.
SARAH: I also, to be honest, knowing me, I don't think me not knowing what asexuality was would have changed my behaviors.
KAYLA: Yeah, I was kind of thinking that. Like…
SARAH: I think for some people, it absolutely would.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But for me, personally, it would not. Because I don't remember what context I was explaining this recently. But like, I do not give a fuck about what people think about like, my orientation or gender expression or whatever.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I do give a fuck about what people think about me in literally every other category.
KAYLA: Everything else, yeah
SARAH: But those two, hands off. We're good.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah, I don't… I think it would have made things, especially in college, much more difficult had I not learned about demisexuality specifically. Because I think things definitely got easier once I locked that whole situation down. But yeah, I don't know that it would have changed behaviors. Then again, of course, this podcast would not exist.
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: And that would, then there would be those ramifications.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But if we're talking just like sexuality-wise it would have sucked, I think. But I do think I would have lived.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Would you rather watch a porn or cut off your own arm?
SARAH: I would much rather watch a porn, are you kidding?
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't think I leveled those great.
SARAH: That's fine. Whatever.
KAYLA: Okay, would you watch, wait, okay, go back. Would you rather watch a porn or… I’m trying to think of something, or….
SARAH: I thought of something.
KAYLA: Okay. This is going great.
SARAH: I was gonna say, would I rather watch a porn or eat a chocolate? Like eat a food that I refuse to eat?
KAYLA: Oh. Yeah. Okay, well, which one?
SARAH: I would rather watch a porn.
KAYLA: Than eat a chocolate, really?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And you have to watch the whole thing.
SARAH: How long is it?
KAYLA: I don't know, I've never watched a porn, text Dalton King, I don't know. I think they can vary in length.
SARAH: Right. So that's why I want to know how long is this one?
KAYLA: 30 minutes.
SARAH: I mean, I wouldn't love it. But I would probably, I would like critique it. Like I would watch it like a film critic, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah, that's probably true. I'm shook by that.
SARAH: I got too much of that possibly autistic rizz to eat chocolate. Are you kidding me?
KAYLA: Eating chocolate, yeah, no, that's true. I really thought you would eat the chocolate.
SARAH: Mm-mm
KAYLA: That's crazy.
SARAH: Mm-mm. I mean, well, because like I'm sex-averse for myself. Other people, it doesn't bother me much.
KAYLA: Well, here then, would you rather make out with someone for 10 minutes or eat a chocolate?
SARAH: Make out with someone?
KAYLA: For 10 minutes
SARAH: Just making out.
KAYLA: With tongues
SARAH: I would rather do that than eat a chocolate.
KAYLA: Okay, would you rather have sex with someone or eat a chocolate?
SARAH: That is where I would eat a chocolate.
KAYLA: Okay. So, what? Is there anything between making out and sex? Where's the line?
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: Which base? Third base?
SARAH: How many bases?
KAYLA: How many bases until we get to you eating the chocolate?
SARAH: I would rather eat the chocolate than third base.
KAYLA: Third base is sex. I don't know why we’re…
SARAH: Yeah, I agree.
KAYLA: I don't know what we're doing.
SARAH: I agree.
KAYLA: Would you rather?
SARAH: It's super-duper my turn right now.
KAYLA: I know I was on a track and then I didn't, so go ahead.
SARAH: I don't have one.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: I was just being like, are you gonna… if you want to go ahead and keep thinking, you can go for it.
KAYLA: Well, I have one half of one, but not the other half.
SARAH: A classic conundrum.
KAYLA: Yeah. Oh, no, no, I have it.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Would you rather be a nude model for one of those nude modeling painting classes or do the painting and it's a man with a penis that you're painting? Or you are either painting a nude man with a penis or you are the nude one being painted? That was a good one.
SARAH: I think I would rather do the painting because again, I could be clinical about it. I could be like…
KAYLA: Yeah. Plus, there's usually other people that are painting. So, it's like, well, I guess we're all doing this.
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Well, which one would you rather do?
KAYLA: I would definitely rather do the painting.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: First of all, I don't want to stand still for that long.
SARAH: I can't.
KAYLA: That hurts.
SARAH: I can't.
KAYLA: I actively can't. I went to a concert the other day, brother.
SARAH: Too much.
KAYLA: Standing the whole time, it did not go well. I don't want people looking at my bits like that.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I don't need that. Don't look at my bits.
SARAH: Don't look at them.
KAYLA: Don't look at my bits.
SARAH: ‘Don't look at my bits, Kayla Kaszyca, 2024.’
KAYLA: Yeah. Put it on a t-shirt. What are you going to do?
SARAH: I live in the city and so does she.
KAYLA: So does she. Would you rather live in the city or so does she?
SARAH: I do live in a city.
KAYLA: And so does she. She being me.
SARAH: Yeah. Exactly.
KAYLA: Oh my god. We're... Oh my god. It's us.
SARAH: We're us.
KAYLA: We're us.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: Okay. Go ahead. It's your turn times like three.
SARAH: That was like a… I read there's a term for it when you… um, when you smash idioms together.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: So, like we'll burn that bridge when we get to it
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Is like smashing together like burning bridges and we'll cross the bridge when we get to it.
KAYLA: Oh, interesting, okay. Yeah
SARAH: And there were a couple of them listed some of them like kind of made sense others of them were absurd but that is what we just did.
KAYLA: What did we smash together?
SARAH: She lives in a country and so do I and something else that I forgot and so we may not have done that I may have just been…
KAYLA: I thought it was she lives in a city and so do I, was it… is it really she lives in a country and so do I, is that the original?
SARAH: I…
KAYLA: We've bastardized it so much. No, I think it is country
SARAH: I think it is country because that's funnier
KAYLA: It is funnier, she lives in a country and so do I
SARAH: Because everyone lives in a country, the only people who don't live in a country…. Well, that's not even true, stateless people still live in a country, they just don't have citizenship
KAYLA: What about Vatican City? It's a city
SARAH: That's true
KAYLA: Would you rather live in a city or a country?
SARAH: So, you would say the Pope lives in a city
KAYLA: And I live in a country
SARAH: And I live in a country
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Um, would you rather… this doesn't work as well on you
KAYLA: Sorry
SARAH: Would you… okay, would you rather everyone turns straight or… the only thing I can think of is everyone turns the same gender, what does that mean?
KAYLA: Well, I have one. I have one that I think is like impossible to answer
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Is would you rather everyone turns straight or everyone turns allo?
SARAH: If everyone turns straight everyone turns allo because with straight allo is implied
KAYLA: But you can be hetero aspec
SARAH: You could but if you just say the word straight with no other qualifiers the allo is implied
KAYLA: Okay, but you understand what I'm saying
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Basically, would you rather a world with… um, how do you word this?
SARAH: The only type of non-aspec attraction you can have is hetero
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Versus…
KAYLA: There is no aspecs
SARAH: There is no aspecs, everyone is allo, does that mean I have to be allo too?
KAYLA: Uh, yes
SARAH: Or is it just like I'm the only one?
KAYLA: No, no everyone
[00:20:00]
SARAH: Oh, that's worse, I would rather be the only one
KAYLA: I don't know how to answer that
SARAH: I think I would rather everyone be allo because I think being aspec is so… the queer experience generally is so ingrained in what it is to be aspec and I don't think you can really separate those things
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, I would rather lose the aspecness but be able to keep the queerness than have aspecness somehow exist outside of…
KAYLA: Outside of…
SARAH: The boundaries…
KAYLA: Of other queer identities
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Yeah, I think I agree
SARAH: Because like if aspecness exists outside of the other boundaries of queer like what are you gonna do? What does that mean?
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true. I gave you that one so you have to do another one
SARAH: Would you rather…
KAYLA: Oh, oh, she's looking around the room, that's not a good sign
SARAH: Oh, God. Um, I'm trying to keep us like on topic
KAYLA: I have one
SARAH: Okay, go
KAYLA: Would you rather give up BTS or give up your aspec identity? Mm, I feel like that's unbalanced but there it is
SARAH: I feel like that's on balance?
KAYLA: Unbalanced
SARAH: Oh, unbalanced, I was like what? But anyway
KAYLA: What does unbalanced mean?
SARAH: Um, so, like I wouldn't be aspec but aspecness would exist but I would just be a fucking allo?
KAYLA: Yes, you would be allo, aspecness would exist or BTS still exists and there are fans but you are not one of them
SARAH: I would take the aspec one because I don't want to not be a BTS fan but if BTS still exists and other people get to be BTS fans…
KAYLA: Uh-huh
SARAH: And also, I could still be fans of other things
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And other K-pop groups
KAYLA: Okay, yeah that's true
SARAH: So, take that
KAYLA: That one was a real thinker
SARAH: Not really
KAYLA: Well, you thought about it longer than I thought you would, so
SARAH: I thought about how to phrase
KAYLA: Mm, all right
SARAH: So, take that
KAYLA: Fine
SARAH: Uh, would you rather do a little jig?
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Or dig a hole?
KAYLA: I'd probably rather do a little jig
SARAH: Yeah, it seems easier
KAYLA: Yeah, it does, it does
SARAH: Would you rather everyone on the planet including you becomes straight…
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: And we just… the queerness does not exist never has existed
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Or all of the homophobic, transphobic people on the ballot in the United States the 2024 election win their elections
KAYLA: Oh, what? That's really…
SARAH: That's fucking hard
KAYLA: So, either queerness does not exist and has never existed
SARAH: Ceases to exist, yeah
KAYLA: Do I know that it once existed?
SARAH: Mm. I think…
KAYLA: Or we just live in a world where it has never existed?
SARAH: We just live in… I think we just live in a world where it has never interested
KAYLA: I have to take that. I have to take the ignorance because if I don't know whatever existed maybe I won't know what I'm missing
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: Maybe I'll have no concept that that could even be possible and that it's missing
SARAH: Yeah. Part of me is like, well, we could keep the queerness and we could just undo… but like first of all I don't trust us to be able to undo the shit…
KAYLA: No, no
SARAH: That these people do and also even in the time it would take us to undo it like the damage would be like people would still…
KAYLA: Die
SARAH: And get hurt and…
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Have irreparable damage and…
KAYLA: Though I have to take… because then we just won't know
SARAH: Then yeah
KAYLA: And then maybe…
SARAH: Ignorance is bliss
KAYLA: And you never said it could never develop maybe we're just a late developing queer planet, you know what I mean?
SARAH: Late bloomer
KAYLA: Maybe we're… as a planet, late bloomers yeah, that was a good one
SARAH: Thank you
KAYLA: Um, I have a non-aspec one to ask you, it's like not on sexuality topic at all
SARAH: Would I rather do a little jig or dig a hole? I would rather do a little jig
KAYLA: Okay, great. But uh that wasn't it. Okay, I don't know how to quite word this as a ‘would you rather’ but basically would you rather be able to like go back in time or just say it never happened that you never did gymnastics so you now have a functioning physical body
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Or keep things how they are now, where you did do gymnastics but now your back is broken
SARAH: I thought you were gonna make me choose between functional physical body and functional brain
KAYLA: Oh, I would never make you do that
SARAH: Um, I think I still would have done gymnastics because first of all several of the things that are wrong with my body are not just because of gymnastics
KAYLA: Fair
SARAH: For example, my mother two fake knees and a fake hip, my grandmother two fake knees, two fake hips and a fake shoulder
KAYLA: You know that TikTok trend that's like… like they're doing outfit checks… Yeah. I think your mom should be like two knees and a fake hip, you know
SARAH: [sings] Yeah, that's right
KAYLA: If you don't know this trend none of that made any sense
SARAH: That made no sense to you
KAYLA: That was nothing
SARAH: We didn't even use words
KAYLA: No, but we got it
SARAH: Sorry to our poor transcriber, um…
KAYLA: Yeah, sorry about that
SARAH: There would still be things wrong with my body and also, I feel like it like it was good for me and also, I feel like if I hadn't done gymnastics as a child I may have… I would have had more issues with my brain
KAYLA: Mm-hmm, yeah
SARAH: When I was young
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fair
SARAH: And it kept me from having as many brain issues, I have them now and I got them both now, woohoo
KAYLA: Yay
SARAH: He he. Would you rather the only type of birth control that is available is the one that really fucked you up?
KAYLA: Ooh, okay
SARAH: Or cows don't exist?
KAYLA: Um, okay hold on, so my options are the only birth control possible… so we're not… no condoms even?
SARAH: Yep, correct
KAYLA: Okay, the only birth control that exists is the pill which famously made me so ill to take
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Or cows don't exist?
SARAH: And they have never existed
KAYLA: And they have never existed
SARAH: Anything that is a cow product, leather has never existed, no… you don't have milk, not cows’ milk…
KAYLA: Okay, that actually helps a lot because I was worried that if we suddenly disappeared cows we would fuck up the food chain in the circle of life
SARAH: No
KAYLA: But if they've never existed then clearly everything has worked out fine
SARAH: Yeah, which means anything that is a milk… a cow's milk product, a cow's milk dairy product we do not have, does… you do not get to eat it, you don't get to consume it, you don't have leather… global warming is probably not as bad, uh…
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm gonna say… I hate to say this but I think we have to get rid of the cows because the thing about…
SARAH: Kayla is not taking good care of her cows right now
KAYLA: No, but what I am taking good care of is the sexual health of the nation
SARAH: That’s true
KAYLA: Because the thing about getting rid of all birth control including condoms is now everyone has chlamydia
SARAH: Yeah, that's real bad from a sexually transmitted disease standpoint
KAYLA: Yeah, yeah
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And also, like vegan technology is getting great, so like I could still have cheese and chocolate and whatever
SARAH: Well, we wouldn't have… we wouldn't have that imitation technology because there would be nothing to imitate
KAYLA: There's other… yeah, there's like goat's milk and shit
SARAH: I mean yeah, we could imitate other things but I don't think it would exist on the same scale that it does now
KAYLA: Well, it's fine
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Because again I wouldn't know what I'm missing and that's okay
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Okay. Um, would you rather…
SARAH: Would you rather umbrellas and like any rain protective gear that goes on your individual person so like raincoats that sort of thing don't exist or windshield wipers don't exist?
KAYLA: So, we're talking like boots, coats, umbrella
SARAH: Anything that like protects your person from rain
KAYLA: Okay. So, now talk to me about the windshield wipers, the windshield wipers don't exist but can we create alternative technology that gets the water off my windshield?
SARAH: No. No. If it's raining you either drive extremely dangerously or you can't drive…
KAYLA: And then… but if I want to go outside, I'm just wet
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: These are both really bad options
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I guess I'll take the no windshield wipers because…
SARAH: I think it would force us to innovate on like public transportation
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: We would have more public transportation in the United States
KAYLA: Well, I'm also thinking like for that… for thousands of years we had no windshield wipers, but we've had rain protective gear for millennia
SARAH: For a while
KAYLA: So, I feel like we could maybe…
SARAH: Yeah, we can deal with it
KAYLA: In the grand scheme of things, we've only had windshield wipers for like a second, you know
[00:30:00]
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like a century maybe
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Barely. What year were windshield wipers invented?
KAYLA: It's a great question
SARAH: Wow, 1902, they were patented in 1903. I thought it would be…
KAYLA: Later?
SARAH: Like later more after cars became more common
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Um, first of all, invented by a woman
KAYLA: Slay
SARAH: She was from Alabama and she was stuck in New York City traffic
KAYLA: I love that
SARAH: She was riding a street car and it was snowing
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: The driver had to get out and continually clean off the windshield
KAYLA: Well, see they figured, they did it, you could clean it off
SARAH: I mean yeah but like if it's pouring rain you would have to get out of a car every five seconds
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like you wouldn't be able to…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Would you rather queerness goes extinct or no animals have ever gone extinct? So, all of the animals that we've extincted uh come back
SARAH: All of the animals that we've extincted or all of the animals that have extincted
KAYLA: I'm going to say all of the ones that we have extincted
SARAH: Bring them back, bring them back
KAYLA: All right, now but notably queerness going extinct it did once exist and then we've lost it. So, you know it's gone
SARAH: Yeah, I don't want that, bring back the animals
KAYLA: All right, great
SARAH: Bring them back
KAYLA: I don't want that
SARAH: Even if it was all the animals that had ever extincted like if we're gonna bring dinos back first of all
KAYLA: Dinosaurs, yeah
SARAH: I think that'd be so interesting, we could see what kind of weird feathers they had
KAYLA: That's true, that's true
SARAH: Second of all, we would… whatever they did to us we'd probably deserve it
KAYLA: Yeah, yeah, that's true
SARAH: Like mammoths, yeah
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I don't know what to tell you there
KAYLA: Would you rather uh assuming aliens are real, which they are
SARAH: Intelligent life forms?
KAYLA: Yes, intelligent life forms
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Would you rather that they look like the stereotypical like green martian man or they look just like us?
SARAH: I feel like you're asking me to choose between Star Trek races
KAYLA: No, I just… in my mind I don't want them to look like us, that freaks me out more. I think if they look just like a human, I'm like, “what are you doing here?”
SARAH: I think it's boring if they look like us, because…
KAYLA: I think that's scary
SARAH: From our understanding is the creation of life of living things is so difficult and so coincidental
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And like it relies on coincidence after coincidence after coincidence after good luck after, you know, and so, if they looked exactly like us, first of all, some people would be like, well, that's proof there's God, and I don't want to get into that
KAYLA: Mm-hmm, that's a good point, that's a good point
SARAH: It would definitely spark a discussion on that front
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Um, but also like I would… I just from like a scientific interest standpoint I would rather they be different from us, I would rather they have different systems so that we could study them and figure out how they came to be versus how we came to be like I just think that would be interesting
KAYLA: I also don't want… I don't know that I want us to be able to have sex with them
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Because I know that the second aliens show up here…
SARAH: We’re gonna try and fuck them
KAYLA: It's gonna be one of the first thing that… yeah, people are gonna be all over them, I know it's gonna happen, I don't know if I can handle that
SARAH: What about… um, I’m just confused, who is the actress that plays Gamora?
KAYLA: Zoe
SARAH: Zoe
KAYLA: Salada
SARAH: Saldana
KAYLA: Saldana, that was close
SARAH: Because she's also in Star Trek
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And there's a scene in the Star Trek movie like the 2009 one or whatever
KAYLA: The best movie on earth, yes, continue
SARAH: Um, where Kirk, our guy Chris Pine is…
KAYLA: My lover, yes, continue
SARAH: Is fucking some non-human woman creature
KAYLA: Yes, she's green
SARAH: Yes, exactly. And she, Zoe Saldana's character comes in? Someone comes in
KAYLA: Yes, it's… she's… it's her roommate, okay?
SARAH: It's her roommate
KAYLA: The green woman is her roommate, yeah
SARAH: Okay, see, but then in my head then I was also picturing Zoe Salana, Saldana? Saldana? I don't know
KAYLA: I don't know
SARAH: As Gamora who is also green and I got confused
KAYLA: Oh, yeah, she is green, yeah, different
SARAH: I don't know that just messed up my brain a little
KAYLA: I'm so sorry to hear that
SARAH: Um, would you rather… oh, here's a question for you, would you rather alien intelligent life forms are exactly like us…
KAYLA: I don't like it
SARAH: And we can fuck them
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Or the form of communication they use is not compatible with the form of communication we use, so like…
KAYLA: At all? Like we can't figure it out?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Have you ever seen the movie ‘Arrival’ with Amy Adams?
SARAH: I haven't but I'm vaguely familiar
KAYLA: That's like the premise of that movie is that they like aliens come and they're trying to figure out how to communicate with them but then it turns out that they figure it out but it's confusing because the aliens like live in the past, in the future and in the present at the same time
SARAH: Space time
KAYLA: And so, then when you start thinking like them then you go to the future a little bit
SARAH: Oh, wow, okay
KAYLA: It’s crazy, it's a good movie, sorry, I just spoiled the whole thing kind of but uh Jeremy Renner's in it too anyway um…
SARAH: Do you think he recovered okay from that snowplow incident?
KAYLA: I think he did, I feel like I saw a video of him after
SARAH: I think he’s okay
KAYLA: He like did an interview or something
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I saw him
SARAH: Anyway, sorry, keep going
KAYLA: Him and Zack Efron, man, because Zack Efron got fucked up too
SARAH: He went through some shit. You know who else…
KAYLA: No, his job is weird
SARAH: I was like, you know who else got fucked up? Fucking… the guy who plays Chekhov in Star Trek who fucking died because his… for that freak accident with his car
KAYLA: Oh, that was forever ago, wasn't it?
SARAH: Anton Yelchin, yeah, like at least 10 years ago
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Imagine having a freak accident with your own car in your own driveway and dying trapped between your own car and your own fence in your driveway at 3 in the morning
KAYLA: No thanks
SARAH: I don't like it
KAYLA: Um, and you're sure we can't figure it out?
SARAH: Yeah, we like really can't fucking figure it out and they can't figure out us, like we're trying
KAYLA: I guess I'd rather them look like us, it seems like a waste for them to come all this way and then we can't work it out, you know?
SARAH: Right. Would you rather become a part of a hive mind…
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: That's like maybe a little evil
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Or be the only person who is not a part of an evil hive mind
KAYLA: Ooh. The only one on earth
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: How lonely
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: They'd probably be hunting me
SARAH: And like they're evil and like you want to fight back but they're a fucking hive mind, like what are you gonna do?
KAYLA: I think I'd rather just be part of it
SARAH: I'd rather just be evil
KAYLA: Well, the thing is if I'm the only one that's not part of it like they're definitely coming for me, like I'm their target for sure, right?
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Like at that point… is there an option to just kill myself?
SARAH: I mean…
KAYLA: I'll take that one
SARAH: I mean, if you are not a part of the evil hive mind, yeah, I guess
KAYLA: Yeah, maybe I'll just kill myself or like hide
SARAH: Because like also like you're like, “oh, let's overthrow them.” Well, you can't…
KAYLA: It's just me
SARAH: What are you gonna do?
KAYLA: What am I gonna do?
SARAH: Even if somehow you succeed, how do you proceed from there?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: There's still a hive mind and then it's just you. Are they dead? Are you now the only living creature?
KAYLA: Yeah, because what? I kill them all and then… unless there's some way to like detach them from being a hive mind and rehabilitate everyone
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But I can't do that by myself, let's be realistic
SARAH: You don't have the time, there are only so many hours in a day
KAYLA: Yeah, I think I'll take this secret third option, killing myself
SARAH: Kill yourself, oh my God
KAYLA: So
SARAH: Do we have any more?
KAYLA: Nope I think that's it
SARAH: That's where we're gonna end it?
KAYLA: Well, would you rather…
SARAH: Would you rather exist in the Doctor Who universe…
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Where you're like, well, like you know… you're aware of the doc… you're like aware of things
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: You're like that one woman who works in the government
KAYLA: Sure
SARAH: Who knows everything
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: But you're not a companion
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Unless you want to be a companion
KAYLA: Mm, that seems kind of stressful
SARAH: It seems dangerous
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Also, like you also have to keep living your normal life when you're…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like it's crazy. Um, or live in the Star Wars universe like while shit is going down
KAYLA: Ooh
SARAH: And like the shit is going down in your vicinity
KAYLA: In my city. I rather…
SARAH: In your vicinity not your city, it could be like a planet over
KAYLA: Those can be the same thing.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: I'd rather be in the Doctor Who universe, especially if I don't have to be involved
SARAH: What about Daleks?
KAYLA: Just stay away from them I suppose
SARAH: What about Cybermen?
KAYLA: I'll just… I mean, if I'm kicking it on earth certainly, I'm fine, right? Like…
[00:40:00]
SARAH: But like they're still fucking things up
KAYLA: That's the Doctor's job, not mine
SARAH: Yeah, but like you still have to deal with… like it's not like… you know, how like in Percy Jackson there's like the mist which like it shields mortals from like understanding what's actually going on?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: There isn't… there is no mist for you, you know exactly what's going… you see a Dalek going down the street screaming, “exterminate” with it’s little plunger and you know exactly what's going on but there's nothing you can fucking do about it
KAYLA: But other people don't know what's going on?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: How?
SARAH: They have the mist, you don't
KAYLA: Oh my gosh. Um…
SARAH: We're really combining a lot of fandoms here
KAYLA: In the Star Wars one, I still think I'm going to take the Doctor Who one because the Star Wars one is like we are on the cusp of just the whole universe is…
SARAH: It's like my planet might get exploded
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Whereas like Doctor Who I don't think the stakes ever feel quite that high
SARAH: I mean, in Doctor Who your planet could get exploded but it's less likely
KAYLA: That's what I'm saying
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: That's fair
KAYLA: Feels less dire
SARAH: Well, because it has been going on for 600 seasons, they have to keep going, I don’t know
KAYLA: Exactly, that's what I'm saying, like I feel like, you know, at the end of the day it's like the doctor's got to figure it out, you know, we have to keep it going
SARAH: Right, you got a sonic screwdriver, sonic sunglasses, whatever that iteration the doctor has
KAYLA: Exactly
SARAH: Great
KAYLA: It'll be fine
SARAH: Is that where we're ending?
KAYLA: Yep
SARAH: If people don't know Doctor Who, I'm sorry
KAYLA: I barely know Doctor Who, so
SARAH: Look up
KAYLA: I've watched like one and a half seasons
SARAH: Moisturize me
KAYLA: I've… no, I've seen it, I've watched that
SARAH: No, I'm talking to the listeners
KAYLA: Oh, okay
SARAH: Just look up the words, “moisturize me.” I think we talked about this on a podcast, somewhat recently, we talked about our girl Cassandra
KAYLA: Yeah, like three weeks ago
SARAH: It was not that long ago
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Kayla what's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Oh, okay, what's a good word… which ones are… what’s our best one?
SARAH: Everyone hetero or…
KAYLA: That one no, the wording on that one is way too hard
SARAH: Homophobic, okay. I was trying to say the word homophobic but I could not think of phobic and so I was like homographic
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Like I was just coming up with really wild, wild words in my mind instead of homophobic, the one I was going to suggest is…
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Everyone straight, queerness does not exist versus all of the homophobic and transphobic…
KAYLA: Oh, yeah
SARAH: People win the election in your country wherever you live
KAYLA: In your country
SARAH: In your country and so do I
KAYLA: In your country and so do I, okay, that is it, that's the question
SARAH: We will judge you, no, we won't
KAYLA: No, I won't
SARAH: I think it also depends on how… it depends on how right wing your country is right now which…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I mean we're pretty much all swinging that way but…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Did you hear about what happened in Austria?
KAYLA: Mm-mm
SARAH: Not good
KAYLA: Great, just what I needed, more bad news , anyway
SARAH: But it also depends on like how big your country is, how much power your country has, because the thing about living in the United States is like our laws and our shit has a pretty significant ripple effect
KAYLA: Unfortunately
SARAH: Whereas if you live in…
KAYLA: Vatican City
SARAH: Liechtenstein, that may not be the case
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And there would be fewer people comparatively impacted, not to mean that they won't still be seriously impacted and that people won't still die or people won't still whatever but there is… there could be different stakes depending on where you're from
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true
SARAH: Or if you live in a perfect universe, it's called Schitt's Creek, where homophobia doesn't exist
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And those political candidates just don't exist
KAYLA: Don’t exist, wouldn't that be something
SARAH: Or you live in a dictatorship and there are no political candidates
KAYLA: Yeah, I guess
SARAH: Anyway… what? Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: Um, my beef is fruit flies…oh, okay
SARAH: We went two different directions there
KAYLA: My beef is fruit flies, I am in an all-out war with the fruit flies in my… I killed…
SARAH: I bought one of those things
KAYLA: Oh, you'll have to tell me how it goes
SARAH: Yeah, I'll just tell you if it works
KAYLA: Trap. Please do
SARAH: I haven't plugged it in yet
KAYLA: There are so many of them in my house, I think I maybe killed 10 yesterday, it was a lot, I killed two before I even left for work this morning
SARAH: Not long before this pod there was… it wasn't a fruit fly, it was a little bit bigger than a fruit fly, a fly just on my wall and I just… I whacked it with my fist and I just smashed it
KAYLA: Did you get it?
SARAH: I did, yeah
KAYLA: That's very easy
SARAH: The bugs I have in my house are not that big and they're not that fast so it's… definitely could be a lot worse
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I'm usually decently able to just kind of like snag them out of the air or get them with something, sometimes they evade me, but…
KAYLA: Yeah, the thing with the fruit flies is they're just so small, they're hard to see
SARAH: Yeah, fruit flies are so little. When I was looking up this thing, this thing that traps bugs with light, people kept talking about gnats and I realized I don't understand what gnats are
KAYLA: In the park that I live near there are… there's one specific sidewalk area where there's a swarm of gnats always, it's the fucking worst
SARAH: Gnats are smaller than I think
KAYLA: Very small, yes
SARAH: In my head gnats are like roly-poly size
KAYLA: No, they're smaller than fruit flies
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, I think some of the bugs in my house might be gnats
KAYLA: Yeah, maybe
SARAH: But for some reason…. for some reason in my head gnats are like they're not like fleas they're like bigger
KAYLA: Yeah. No.
SARAH: They're like more of like a mosquito size
KAYLA: It's just not true
SARAH: Yeah, weird.
KAYLA: Anyways, so that’s my beef. My…
SARAH: I compared it to both a mosquito and a…
KAYLA: And a roly-poly?
SARAH: And a roly-poly, which are not really the same size or the same…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Construction at all
KAYLA: No
SARAH: But that's fine, keep going
KAYLA: My juice is um recently I've gotten into brewing my own like fruit tea
SARAH: Aww
KAYLA: So…
SARAH: Free
KAYLA: I'll like boil some fruits in water to get their juices…
SARAH: With the buds on them? Well, okay, which fruits?
KAYLA: Like berries
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: So, you put berries…
SARAH: I was thinking of oranges, so I was like, with the buds on?
KAYLA: Oh. No, I put the berries in the water and then boil it and then you take out the… well, then you put tea bags in and steep them and then you take out the tea bags and sift out the fruit chunks
SARAH: Wait, you add tea to the fruit?
KAYLA: So, I get water…
SARAH: So, it's both… it's fruit-flavored tea?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Okay. See, for a second, I thought you meant that the you were making the tea…
KAYLA: No
SARAH: And you were somehow taking tea bags that had no flavor and then putting the fruit flavor in them and I was like, I don't think that's how tea bags work
KAYLA: No. I'm essentially, I'm flavoring the water first and then putting the tea in it
SARAH: And then steeping it, okay, I understand
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I just got war flashbacks to a game that involved steeping tea, it was a computer game, that's all I remember
KAYLA: I don't know that one
SARAH: I can sort of picture one thing and that's it, wow, that's not enough info for anyone to even help me
KAYLA: Anyway, that's my juice, it's fun and that makes me feel like a little witch
SARAH: Tea steeping…
KAYLA: Don't look it up
SARAH: Computer game…
KAYLA: Ugh, I'm never gonna go to bed
SARAH: It's none of these things, it's absolutely none of these things. Um, okay, my beef is I ripped too much of my fingernail off. My juice is frosting, I haven't eaten any but I will. You can tell us about your beef and your juice…
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: Funny
SARAH: Do you have a problem with my beef and my juice?
KAYLA: Never, never
SARAH: They're both true
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: The frosting is in my house
KAYLA: Good
SARAH: I haven't eaten it yet
KAYLA: But you will
SARAH: Because it's closed, but I will
KAYLA: But you will
SARAH: I can't eat it yet
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: If it were up to me, I would have eaten it, yeah
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: But I can't, it's busy, it's steeping
KAYLA: Oh, I see
SARAH: Steeping in there
KAYLA: Naturally. Mm-hmm
SARAH: My other beef is that there's a weird smell coming from my sink and I don't know what it is and I…
KAYLA: You can’t vinegar in it?
SARAH: I don't own vinegar
KAYLA: Get some vinegar and some baking soda
SARAH: I have baking soda
KAYLA: Get some vinegar and then you powder the sink and then pour the vinegar and it'll clean it right up
SARAH: But it's… I can't… like it's under the sink but it isn't, I don't know. You can… what?
KAYLA: Well, spray vinegar in it
[00:50:00]
SARAH: Patreon, we have social media. We have social media where you can follow us, we don't usually do anything on them, @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you would like to support us there, we do things there which is we post the pod a day early, usually about a day
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Sometimes a little less than a day, but usually a day
KAYLA: A day-ish
SARAH: A day. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Tanner Shioshita, Vishakh, Alex Istar, Alexander, and AliceIsInSpace. Our $10 dollar patrons who we are promoting this week are Olivia O’Shea who would like to promote not telling ace people that they haven't found the right person yet, boom
KAYLA: Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm. Mm-hmm
SARAH: Parker who would like to promote being a silly little guy, so true. Phoenix Leodinh who would like to promote the Trevor project still, I think, did you answer me? I don't know if you did, but I haven't checked either, we're really good at our jobs. Purple Hayes who would like to promote their friends’ podcast, The Host Club, they're probably better at their jobs than we are, and Barefoot Backpacker who would like to promote their YouTube channel rtwbarefoot. Our other $10 patrons are SongOStorm, Val, Alastor, Alyson, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Bones, Clare Olsen, Derick & Carissa, Elle Bitter, my Aunt Jeannie, Kayla’s dad, Maff, and Martin Chiesl. Our $15 patrons are Ace who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer, Andrew Hillum who would like to promote The Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Hector Murillo who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla’s Aunt Nina who would like to promote katemaggartart.com and Schnell who would like to promote accepting everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Dragonfly, Dr. Jacki, my mom and River who would like to promote Dr. Jacki being Dr. Jacki and also the fact that um none of these ‘would you rathers’ are actually going to come to fruition. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears. And then Kayla?
KAYLA: And take good care of your cows even if you did rather them to not exist
SARAH: Don't cease them from existence.
KAYLA: But calm them
SARAH: Don't smite them
KAYLA: I needed them. Goodbye
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]