Ep 123: What If We Had Different Sexualities?
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello. Welcome to sounds fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, I'm Sarah, that's me
KAYLA: And a demi straight girl, that's me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: On today's episode, “what if we were allo?”
BOTH: Sounds fake, But Okay
[Intro Music]
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod, your refuge from the Coronavirus
KAYLA: M’oon. That was a recommendation of someone in the Discord and I forgot to write it down and now I can't go back because discord has been very active and popping lately. And so, there's no way I could find it
SARAH: You're welcome for your fucking Deutsche channel
KAYLA: Yeah, lots of updates since you last heard us Sarah made her…
SARAH: Deutsche...
KAYLA: In our Discord and made a channel just for talking in German
SARAH: Und wir haben über viel gesprochen. Wir haben über Geocaching gesprochen jetzt verstehe ich geocaching und ich werde das hassen
KAYLA: Yes, Sarah translation, even though I didn't understand that but I do know what she was saying, is that Sarah finally learned what geocaching was and realized she hated it. Did I tell you that I've been geocaching many times?
SARAH: Don't even tell me.
KAYLA: I have
SARAH: I mean it sounds great for people who like that sort of thing I just personally…
KAYLA: We… I have only done it while camping and it is a very like camping activity, so
SARAH: Okay. All right. Anyway
KAYLA: Anyway
SARAH: What other updates do we have?
KAYLA: I guess… I mean my only update is that the world is burning and…
SARAH: Oh, yeah that… okay the reference to coronavirus that I made at the beginning is the only reference to coronavirus we're going to make because uh Kayla told me that she was banned from talking about coronavirus on the pod and I told her that I was banned from talking about Politics on the pod this week. So…
KAYLA: So, yes, I want our podcast to as much be like a refuge in the media space of a non-negative and freak out space. I guess I'll just say that like everyone stay safe and healthy…
SARAH: Wash your hand
KAYLA: And as sane as possible. I know I'm personally very anxious and freaked out about everything but just… I don't know. Wishing everyone the best.
SARAH: Don't overreact, don't underreact, Goldilocks react. All right. What are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week Sarah texted me and said I have a topic for the pod and I said thank God because I sure don't and…
SARAH: Wait, you know what I realized?
KAYLA: No
SARAH: I'm pretty sure the reason I thought of this was because of fanfiction again
KAYLA: Stop, it has to stop
SARAH: You're welcome for the topics
KAYLA: Oh my god, uh and Sarah was like what if we talked about what it would be… what would it be like if we like had a different sexuality
SARAH: Yeah, so we've kind of talked about similar things to this on the pod before but I really just got into like the rabbit hole of like you know thinking about… because I think it's a good mental exercise to like think about how your life would be different if you were in a different demographic and I think this doesn't just apply to sexuality like it applies to a lot of things because it forces you to put yourself in other people's shoes and use empathy and we need that these days but also it just… I was just thinking about like how my life would be… who's screaming.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: It's a plane, it sounded like a train at first and I was like I know I'm sort of near train tracks, but I'm not that near train tracks, I was like, is there a train just like rumbling down the road
KAYLA: Just chilling
SARAH: Anyway, I… oh, that's a train. I don't know if anyone can hear it, but there was just train, anyway, but I was just thinking about like how my life would be different if I were allo, or if I were straight or if I were whatever and thinking that way it can be really fucking weird especially if you're already feeling very confident in what your identity is, like because you're really thinking about yourself as a different person, right? But as queer folks, it's often… I think for a lot of us not super hard because for many of us we lived much of our lives like inflicting the norm on ourselves like I assumed I was going to marry a man and have kids so like when I was younger, that's how I imagined my future life to be so like now putting myself in those shoes. Obviously, I view it very differently now
KAYLA: But you kind of like already done the exercise a bit?
SARAH: Yes, now I just have to do the exercise of like as an adult
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like knowing what I know now as an adult like how is that different? So, I just thought we could talk about that this week
KAYLA: I… what should I imagine myself being?
SARAH: I don't know whatever you want
KAYLA: Well, that's not the answer. I was looking for
SARAH: Do you want me to go first so you can think about it and ignore what I'm saying while you're thinking about it?
KAYLA: I won't ignore what you're saying, but yes
SARAH: Okay, okay, so I wrote out a couple things uh… oh the reason why I thought of this. This is why it was a fanfiction. Okay, the reason why I thought of this is because I realized I would probably be forced to be more open about my emotions.
KAYLA: Well, I mean you wouldn't have to but I bet you you would have some shaky relationships if you didn't
SARAH: Right, because like being open and honest about your emotions like in platonic relationships is good, but it's not necessarily required in the way that it seems to be required for healthy romantic relationships and just like according to the way people live their lives. I'm not saying it shouldn't matter
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: In platonic relationships, like… but I'm just saying like you're going to be forced to have conversations if you're in a romantic relationship about like how you feel and like where you stand and stuff and like in platonic relationships you're not necessarily forced into having those conversations you can have those conversations and you probably should this is the one time when I will say should but I just think like you're really forced into it more.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: With romance, and I think that would probably be a good thing for me, but you know, whatever
KAYLA: Hey, yeah, I do think you would have to or you would have some…
SARAH: Or I would just have shitty romance
KAYLA: You would have some trouble
SARAH: Have a hard time. I also this is a big one. Like if I were allo regardless of what my orientation was just if our allo generally like I was thinking about how it would impact my life decisions, so like when I make life decisions, it's not that I don't think about other people when I make them but I do think primarily about myself like when I… When I was like, I'm moving to Los Angeles, that wasn't something I had to discuss with a significant other as me and Kayla have talked about on this pod before and we're kind of explaining the difference between QPRs and stuff like because I don't have a relationship or a QPR like it wasn't something that I had to like sit down and discuss with anyone and like yes my moving to California impacts my relationships for sure, but not so much that it kept me from doing it because I didn't have the kind of relationship that you know would be possibly destroyed by me going across the country. I know some people can do long-distance really well, I have no idea if I would be able to, except never even thought about that, but…
KAYLA: It's rough
SARAH: But because I'm single, I'm allowed to be selfish with my choices, and I think in a lot of ways that's good like even though it can be dangerous at times but I think it is good that like I get to make choices that are right for myself and if I make a choice that's wrong for myself I can undo it and I think that just… what I know about relationships from like…
KAYLA: The Bachelor
SARAH: Is like I mean, it's not just that you have to like love each other, but you also have to have compatible lives
KAYLA: Yeah, there’s a lot of like logistics like I've…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I've broken up with people like partially based on logistics. It's a wild time. They don't tell you that in movies.
SARAH: Yeah, I'm thinking about something in Schitt's Creek, but it's this season so I can't say anything…
KAYLA: Boy We're going to… we're about to ban Schitt's Creek on this podcast
SARAH: It's my hyper fixation right now Kayla
KAYLA: I know, I can tell
[00:10:00]
SARAH: But yeah, like because I don't have those logistical hurdles to leap and I don't have to necessarily consider another person's life or find another person whose life is compatible with mine unless I of course have a QPR, but that's not something I'm like looking for necessarily right now. So, like I just get to base decisions off of myself.
KAYLA: I got to say that sounds awful
SARAH: Really?
KAYLA: Well, I'm just thinking about like where I am in my life currently, I'm kind of like in the beginning stages of having… I think what I'm going to do this episode is try to think about if I was aro because I think…
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Other options I think are just more difficult or just like off theme
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: Um, but thinking about like if I was aro or just like thinking about if I wasn't in the relationship I am in currently like I'm just in the beginning stages of my adulthood where I'm starting to have to think about like planning around someone else and like figuring out my life with someone else, I was just about to mention coronavirus stuff again and I will
SARAH: Well, I just texted you something about it. Did you see it?
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Okay, jumping in guys. We… I'm going to… I'm going to have cut some of this you all just missed some fun stuff. I texted Kayla about the coronavirus, but we had to cut it out because this isn't a coronavirus podcast. Also, Kayla mentioned work which reminded me that recently my boss asked me to repurchase a smoke alarm that was from his house and I accidentally bought a four pack.
KAYLA: I did see that it is the most you thing ever
SARAH: Now he has four.
KAYLA: Well now he's had a lot of backups
SARAH: He said that he brought them home and his wife was like, why do we have four? And he was like you never know
KAYLA: Uh, what was I saying? Oh, so yeah, I'm just the beginning of stages of like having to start those logistics and while it is very frustrating and like can be very difficult, it also provides me a sense of security as like a not very decisive person that like sometimes I don't have to make these big decisions for myself or at least not by myself, you know
SARAH: Yeah, it has definitely forced me to be more independent
KAYLA: Yeah, I think if I was aro I would have to be a lot, a lot, a lot more independent
SARAH: Yeah, and I think that the good thing that just with me the way my mom has explained it before is because I'm also a very indecisive person I might go as far as to say that I'm more indecisive than you.
KAYLA: I would say so
SARAH: Yeah, but I… What my mom has said is that I'm very indecisive, but once I've made a decision that thing is going to happen
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like there is no… Once the decision is made there's no waffling
KAYLA: Well, because you take so so so long to make it that once you do you're very sure
SARAH: Yeah, like we were… me and my parents were at the store picking out a shower curtain for my new apartment and I was like this one and then I was like actually no I'm like not totally a hundred percent feeling it and I was like I need to leave this aisle like we need to just move on and come back to it. And my mom was like, what about this one? And I was like, no Julie. It's time. We're moving on
KAYLA: Oh my God
SARAH: And then the next day when we came back and I got loud I was like mom we're getting this one, she goes well, what about… and I was like no mom. No…
KAYLA: This reminds me of when we moved into college
SARAH: And one of our first conversations was about how I was having a midlife crisis over a rug
KAYLA: And I thought she was kidding and then I later find out no that's just how it always be
SARAH: Just how it be
KAYLA: Anyway
SARAH: Anyway, what were we talking about? Oh, once I've made the decision the decision is made and it's going to happen and I think because of the fact that like I made the leap of like studying abroad and like that sort of thing that like it has made these adult leaps a little bit easier and I also know that I have a good support system. So like if something like I'm never going to be in a situation where I'm like totally on my own, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, that has helped and I think just because you haven't necessarily had that like I can see why you as a person would like… as difficult as it can be would like having someone to do that with
KAYLA: I… Yeah…
SARAH: And I wouldn't
KAYLA: I think I'm just… because I was just thinking about it, too and if I was aro, I feel like I'd be more inclined to like look for or want a QPR than I think you are because…
SARAH: Oh, for sure, I think you would
KAYLA: I just like having like one or two people in my life that I'm like extra attached to I guess, if that makes sense, like I just yeah value that kind of like very close personal relationship whether it's a friendship…
SARAH: I mean, you can still have that even if it's not a QPR.
KAYLA: Well, yeah, but I think… Again, like coming with those like big decisions and even just like living together and stuff I think the things that like set a friendship or relationship apart like obviously I value friendships that are also like that close and everything too, but I just think I'd be more inclined to be interested in it than you are because…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I just… I hate it
SARAH: No, I've even thought like now because I live with one roommate now and I've been like, okay, well, what happens if after our lease is up if he wants to move somewhere else or wants to whatever and I was like well, if I could afford it I would be fine with staying here like just by myself
KAYLA: Living alone, I have learned to really like it to be honest. I hated it at first, it's kind of really nice
SARAH: Yeah. I've never done it. Um I think I would like it. I would just definitely have to work to make sure I got social interaction, but let's be real I have to do that anyway
KAYLA: Yeah, you definitely have to put more effort into it, but I really like it. I talk to myself all of the time now. I never used to do that
SARAH: Oh, I always talk to myself.
KAYLA: I never did before and now it's all the time
SARAH: I think people who don't talk to themselves are crazy. Like I know that people… have I talked about this in the pod before?
KAYLA: I don't know
SARAH: I have strong opinions, I think people like people who like talk to themselves get a bad rep as like crazy, but I think people who don't talk to themselves are crazy because like don't you have…
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: You know?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: I… my dad talks to himself a lot and I am my father
KAYLA: I just talk to me and my cat now
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: The other day I had my car windows rolled down because it was nice out and I started saying things to myself about driving and then I was like, oh. There's people right out there they can hear me
SARAH: Yeah, no, sometimes I’ll just be like… because now that I have a really long commute um, I’ll just be like in my car and all of a sudden I’ll just be like… just for fun
KAYLA: Just to pass the time
SARAH: Yeah. Or I’ll just say something or I’ll go dog.
KAYLA: Oh my god
SARAH: That happens regularly I see dogs all the time when I’m driving to work
KAYLA: I’m sure
SARAH: Anyway, where were we?
KAYLA: I don't know.
SARAH: I don't either. Uh… Me liking not you liking have
KAYLA: Yes, I think if I were aro I would probably have to do a lot of work on like the fear of dying alone, I think that would probably come up in therapy a lot because it's something I…
SARAH: It’s like you need to do a lot of work on that anyway.
KAYLA: Oh, no, I do I do I do and rude of you to call me out mom
SARAH: Wow
KAYLA: But…
SARAH: Sorry.
KAYLA: No, I do. I just think it would probably be a even bigger fear
SARAH: Yeah. I mean I have trouble imagining myself older than like 23.
KAYLA: That's very fair to be honest I can't… yeah
SARAH: And I was… I thought like it was always 23 like the year that I really couldn't imagine myself past and…
KAYLA: Boy we're coming up. What are you going to do?
SARAH: Well, I know that's the thing is like I thought that maybe once I got closer to 23 it would go… get a little further it has not
KAYLA: I don't think I can imagine myself at any age to be completely honest. Like there's kind of when you look past like a year everything gets like pretty blank
SARAH: Well, yeah, I think I mean we had a plan our whole lives of what we were going to do and then all of a sudden that plan ended and for me specifically like my job um, they don't expect me to stay much longer than a year. So, like I have no idea what's going to happen after that.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like who the fuck knows and so I because I can't really picture myself as older. I feel like the dying lonely because it's… like the real issue is you're afraid of dying lonely not dying alone, you know?
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And like that thing I just… I can't think about it right now because I just can't imagine myself at that point, you know?
KAYLA: Yeah, it’s weird
SARAH: Like it's a problem for future Sarah.
KAYLA: I can't imagine myself there either. I think it's just the concept, like it's not like I have these vivid thoughts of like me old lady rocking in a chair by myself like I’ve never had that
SARAH: I've just tried to imagine you as an old lady.
KAYLA: What do I look like?
SARAH: Uh you but older
KAYLA: That was terrible. Uh, yeah, I’ve never like imagined those images or like what my day-to-day life will be like though now I am and I hate it. I think it's just like the concept that I’m like not a huge fan of
SARAH: Yeah, I don't get hung up on the concept like that
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because I’ve just… I’ve accepted for a number of years now that that's just going to be my life
KAYLA: No, but you're not going to be lonely
SARAH: No, but you can be alone without being lonely, you know, like I think the real I think the real difference is I view being old and single as being alone and you view it as being lonely.
KAYLA: Yeah, dude, you know what I just realized?
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: You know a time of life when you're going to fucking thrive? is when you get like old enough where all of your friends who have husbands they start to die because men die first if you're friends with women married to men or men married to men and the other man dies first and then so they're all just widows and they're all alone again and you're going to be like welcome
SARAH: Let’s party
KAYLA: Welcome bitch, I've been here. Let's fuck it up
SARAH: Want to walk some dogs?
KAYLA: I think that's going to be… I think that's going to be your prime. You're going to be like welcome Motherfuckers
SARAH: I simply cannot imagine myself as like as like a 65-year-old.
KAYLA: Oh, I can't either. I can't imagine you there at all
SARAH: But just the… I can't imagine my face. That's disturbing. I can't imagine my life, but I can imagine my vibe
KAYLA: Your vibe will be that just like let's fuck it up.
SARAH: Which is just like hey, want to walk some fucking dogs? I got a leather jacket. Let's go.
KAYLA: I do feel that on a spiritual level
SARAH: I hope I’m that cool when I’m 65.
KAYLA: I mean you've never been cool, but…
SARAH: I hope I get cooler as I get older
KAYLA: Like a fine wine
SARAH: Well, I guess like a fine wine in a refrigerator
KAYLA: My cat…
SARAH: Because I specified cooler not better. I also think it would be good to get better
KAYLA: I think it would be nice to have a cat who didn't suck so bad even though you're my best friend
SARAH: I learned today that one of my co-workers has a cat.
KAYLA: Take it
SARAH: Beautiful. Anyway, um the other thing that I was kind of thinking of is like if I were allo, this one is specific to being straight like if I were straight, I wouldn't have to worry all the time about coming out or outing myself or if it's safe to be out
KAYLA: That's very true
SARAH: The interesting thing is I wrote that before today transpired
KAYLA: Today
SARAH: Where like I basically walked myself into a corner where I had to come out
KAYLA: Or lie
SARAH: And it… Yeah, it was either you come out or you like lie by omission and I didn't want to do that. Um, and I backed myself into that corner like I did it myself but like that was one of the first times I’ve ever like really done it and like it was a perfectly safe situation and I didn't feel unsafe at any point but like you know, it was still something I had to think about um and still something that I had thought about before and if I were straight I wouldn't fucking have to
KAYLA: That's a very good point. I think like we had many episodes ago a friend on who is ace but not yeah ace, but not aro yes?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, I think especially if I’m thinking about like being aro, but not necessarily being ace just like having to navigate A yeah that the coming out process if you have to or just like navigating that but also being one without the other I think presents unique difficulties like Becca talked a lot in our episode about like what it was like dating when you're ace, but not aro, all that kind of stuff.
SARAH: Yeah, I can imagine
KAYLA: Sarah
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: If you were a sexuality where you were romantically interested or dating? What do you think the type of person you would date is?
SARAH: I feel like it would just be the type of person that I tend to have squishes on right?
KAYLA: I don't know what kind of person that is.
SARAH: I have a vibe, but I don't know how to explain it.
KAYLA: Give me a color
SARAH: A color. I don't have a color vibe
KAYLA: Uh, well
SARAH: I speak in vibes only
KAYLA: Okay. Well what vibe is your vibe then?
SARAH: I don't know. I can't explain it.
KAYLA: Describe a person.
SARAH: It's a vibe
KAYLA: Do you I know… give me a person that I know
SARAH: I don't know. Uh I mean if they seem too normal, that's not allowed.
KAYLA: That's fair. None of your friends are normal.
SARAH: Got to be fucking weird, and like… Yeah, because it's like a person that I would need to feel comfortable being weird with because bitch I'm fucking weird.
KAYLA: I just want… I don't know. What would their job be?
SARAH: What would their job be? I don't know.
KAYLA: Oh, Sarah
SARAH: I have genuinely no idea
KAYLA: Play in this space.
SARAH: I mean it would have to be something or they would have to be the kind of person who like could handle the fact that like I am going into a field that's not stable
KAYLA: Would it be Miranda?
SARAH: I don't know. I really don't know. I guess I’ve never thought about it, but this is a good time and place to do it because that's what the episode is about
KAYLA: I just want to know what your type is, you know
SARAH: I don't know.
KAYLA: I mean obviously you don't because you don't have one.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: You're theoretical.
SARAH: My theoretical type
KAYLA: Okay, but I feel like a lot of people have like an ideal type whether or not it's their real type, you know. Like a lot of people would be like yeah I'm totally into like really smart guys who are like really nice and respectful and then in reality they're attracted to I don't know douchebags or whatever
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But so, what's your… do you have an idea?
SARAH: I'm also just… I'm also just thinking about like my favorite like characters and stuff and like trying to see if that says anything um. The problem is that a good handful of them are queer so that doesn't help too much. Um…
KAYLA: Well, I don't know like the type of person that they are though
SARAH: Yeah, I don't know I… This is a genuinely oh weird, this is a genuinely good question that I don't really have a good answer for. What do you think my type would be?
KAYLA: What do I think? uh, I think
SARAH: See it's hard
KAYLA: No, I’m thinking, I don't know if this is your type, but I think the kind of person that would be good for you would be someone like our friend Erin because she's very like I think she's your kind of weird but I also think at least from an outside perspective because I haven't like talked to her hung out with her in a while, but she's more like social or outgoing than you I think just like
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: More willing to do like social activities
SARAH: She's not extroverted…
KAYLA: No
SARAH: But she’s less introverted than me.
KAYLA: Yes, which I think could like push you the right amount, like not push you so much where you're like uncomfortable but push you the right amount to like get out and do things, you know
SARAH: Yeah, I don't know that I could date an extrovert
KAYLA: Uh probably not
SARAH: Not like a full extrovert because like growing up everyone in my family was an introvert and I didn't realize until I got older like how nice that was
KAYLA: I think it can be difficult. Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah Um, I mean if you're closer to the middle of the spectrum then I think it's easier to you know mix it up but I am a pretty, pretty deep introvert, so
KAYLA: Sarah, what do you think my type is?
SARAH: What do I think your type is?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Not the same age as you
KAYLA: I mean, I don't think anyone dates anyone that's the exact same age as them. That's just impossible
SARAH: I know but just everyone you've ever dated has been not in your grade and I just think that's funny
KAYLA: Uh I tried dating someone in my grade
SARAH: It didn't work.
[00:30:00]
KAYLA: They weren't having it so you can't say I didn't try, that one wasn't my fault
SARAH: Oh, man, I don't know you're clearly much better at describing this than I am. Um I guess because I just like I don't think about people this way.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's very fair.
SARAH: Um, I don't I don't know what your type is, a person.
KAYLA: Oh good. That's a good start, bro, you would not believe how much of an asshole my cat is being right now. I'm like spraying her across the room, while talking to you, this fucking asshole
SARAH: Oh no. And I think a lot of times too with what I’ve seen in relationships not just on tv, but also in real life
KAYLA: Oh. She's a cultured woman
SARAH: I know, right? No, but I think a lot of times it's like it's the situation where it's like you don't know, like you don't know what you need until you have it and then you're like, of course this was what I needed in this situation so like, you know you may date a bunch of people who are all pretty similar and like have it not work and then you date a person who's like wildly different and it works really well because you just needed like it wasn't what you thought you needed, but it was what you needed
KAYLA: That's very fair. If there's one interesting point, I got from watching two episodes of Love Is Blind
SARAH: I watched an episode and a tenth
KAYLA: I watched… I'm going to watch more eventually. I have so much on my watch list you guys I’m busy
SARAH: It might have been an episode and an eighth
KAYLA: That's like a minute
SARAH: Okay, it was like the first five minutes
KAYLA: If there's one interesting thing well, I mean there's a lot of interesting points, I think we could probably do an episode about it because it's just another one of those reality shows that really makes you think about allo people, but this one lady, I think this is related, this one lady who was like 30 something, I don’t know, she was talking about how like she always wanted to date guys that were like within this age range and they looked exactly like this and they had this color hair and blah blah blah and I think like putting those kind of restrictions on what your type is like personally I've fallen into… if you look at all of the people I've dated that they look the exact same and I didn't do that on purpose, but some people do do that on purpose
SARAH: Yeah. That was the only thing I could think of when you were like, what's my type and I'm like…
KAYLA: No, they don’t
SARAH: They all kind of look the same
KAYLA: No, they look the same, but I didn't do it on purpose. But I think some people like paint themselves into a corner of like they have to have this type of job and they have to be within these age ranges and then you're just never going to…
SARAH: Yeah, well and like I'm… in that person you're talking about on Love Is Blind like she… like she hadn't succeeded in those relationships. So, like part of the reason, she was going on Love is Blind was to make it so that like she couldn't necessarily place those restrictions on her, she couldn't see who she was talking to.
KAYLA: And I've got news from you a spoiler from the internet is she failed again
SARAH: Oh, we love that
KAYLA: She fucked up probably worse than anyone else
SARAH: Oh, no
KAYLA: And everyone hates her, I’m pretty sure she's the one that fed wine to her dog
SARAH: Oh, you can't do that.
KAYLA: Did you not see that Tweet?
SARAH: Maybe that's why she can't get a man
KAYLA: That and she has a really weird baby voice that comes on when she talks to men. It's a lot Jessica, get it together. Anyway
SARAH: That's okay. Um… But yeah, I think oh, I don't… you were saying things, I don't know why I said but yeah, I just have a tendency to say but yeah, when I don't know what we were saying and I kind of forgot.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't know I think we were just talking about types. This really isn't what this episode was supposed to be about um…
SARAH: But it is interesting just like imagining… we're still like imagining how our lives, for me at least how our lives are different.
KAYLA: Yeah. How else would my life be different? How do you think my life would be different Sarah?
SARAH: Um, if you were aro?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: I think you would be… Let me think for a second
KAYLA: I might live in a commune
SARAH: Interesting, I think you would be the kind of person and I don't mean to say this in a negative way
KAYLA: Uh-oh
SARAH: You would be the kind of person who would like hardcore super super value your friendships and I’m not saying you don't but I think if you were aro, you would go even harder
KAYLA: I think that makes sense
SARAH: Like as you were saying before like you feel the need to like, you know have that one person or however many people that you share things with and so I think you would need to find that outlet elsewhere, um, like the outlet that you get from dating people
KAYLA: I think that's true. I also like feel a great need to like take care of people and I think if I didn't have one person, I think I do that with all of my friends anyway but like I think a lot of that energy obviously goes towards whoever I’m dating because it's also just like a responsibility of when you're dating someone is like making sure they're chill but yeah, I think that energy would have to be distributed elsewhere
SARAH: Yeah, I’m just like trying to think of like the first year we knew each other, you weren't dating anyone.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true.
SARAH: Although apparently you did make out with someone on my futon
KAYLA: Yeah, but he sucked if it makes you feel better. He was the worst
SARAH: He didn't look like the other ones
KAYLA: No and you know what? Now… you know what I’m thinking that one sucked and the one who refused to date me also didn't look like the rest of them
SARAH: Wow, interesting
KAYLA: So, you know, maybe it do be a sign, you know
SARAH: Oh anyway, but yeah, I’m just like trying to think of like I mean it's kind of hard to compare you now with who you were the beginning of our freshman year because obviously it's been a number of years and…
KAYLA: I mean, yeah, I’m just…
SARAH: That was when I was getting to know you.
KAYLA: Yeah, my one thought is…
SARAH: So, like I have a better grasp on you now
KAYLA: There's like… it's so hard to compare because the one thing I thought of was like freshman year I like studied way too much because I was like so afraid of failing I was like, oh when I was single I studied a lot, but I don't think those were related. I think I was just very neurotic about making sure I didn't fail my classes
SARAH: That sounds all right
KAYLA: But who knows maybe if I hadn't been single I would have done it less who's to say really
SARAH: And I think you would have… the lazy bug would have gotten you eventually
KAYLA: Well…
SARAH: It gets us all
KAYLA: It really do
SARAH: It do be like that, um, but yeah, I think that would probably be the big difference for you
KAYLA: I think that's fair
SARAH: What do you think I would be like if I did date people
KAYLA: Oh God, we've talked about this in the episode before, I can't remember why, it was like for a minute, for some for some reason it came up that I said like I was super happy you didn't date because you would be a nightmare and now, I’m trying to remember why I said that
SARAH: Why would I be a nightmare?
KAYLA: I’m trying to remember why. Oh, why did I say that? Well this isn't related but I think there would be a lot… we've had to do this in the past of me sitting with you and like composing texts to people and it was to get them away from you, but I think there would be a lot more time spent with like how do I text this person to make them like me?
SARAH: Oh, yeah, I would also never be able to ask someone out ever.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think…
SARAH: No way
KAYLA: The process… maybe this is why, I don't know why I said it before but I still stand by I think you would be a nightmare to be friends with while you were like trying to date. I think once you got into a relationship as long as you got your emotional shit down you would be fine but getting into it I think because you are very indecisive so I could see and like I think these are all like exaggerations of your characteristics, I'm painting you a caricature of like your worst case
SARAH: She has got a very pointy nose
KAYLA: Yes, and yeah, she's a…
SARAH: Just caricaturing myself over here
KAYLA: Actually, she's a bird which is what's crazy is that you're a bird
SARAH: Fuck you
KAYLA: Um I think you could go, now I'm just coming up with funny scenarios I think there could be…
SARAH: Stop it
KAYLA: No, but it's like related to your characteristics, you're very indecisive so I could see things of like I feel like I like them but maybe I don't and like I don't know if I want to keep dating them because I really don't know or you could have like two people you were dating and then it's like a Bachelor situation where you just don't know which one you like more
SARAH: See, I was just thinking about like being in a love triangle and I don't think I would end up there…
KAYLA: I don't think you would either but if you did you would have a terrible time
SARAH: I would have a terrible time yeah no but I just don't think I could end up there because I'm just not aggressive enough to really be courting two people at the same time
KAYLA: No and I think that's where your biggest problem would lie is I think maybe you would like be working with someone or like be in a group with someone that you liked and it would go on for a year because you wouldn't do anything about it and for whatever reason they wouldn't and it would probably be very annoying to be friends with you because you'd be like okay we're going out with this group of friends this person is going to be there and then you would just have to sit there and be like you know Sarah you could go talk to them, “no, I won't”
[00:40:00]
SARAH: And I would never kiss them first in any scenario
KAYLA: And you wouldn't ask them out and you wouldn't ask for their number you wouldn't do anything and it would be excruciating for me to be like I know you want this and you're just going to have to keep sitting here and like being in anguish and we're all going to have to sit here being annoyed because you are too stubborn to do anything
SARAH: Oh, that checks out.
KAYLA: I think that's why it would be hell from a friend standpoint is like I'm trying to help you and you're just refusing.
SARAH: You know what I did find out recently I was at one point in college unwittingly in a love triangle.
KAYLA: What? What?
SARAH: Someone had a crush on me. Well, it's not really a love triangle, someone had a crush on… like person A had a crush on me and person B had a crush on person A.
KAYLA: I love these facts, these are good facts.
SARAH: We can't leave the names in that we just said but they're good facts
KAYLA: Yeah, obviously not but I do love these facts.
SARAH: So, jot that down Kayla loves the facts.
KAYLA: Right, put that on a t-shirt? I love those facts.
SARAH: Um but yeah, I'm glad I didn't know at the time.
KAYLA: You would have been stressed.
SARAH: I would have lost my mind.
KAYLA: I think you dating would just be a lot of… I think you would just be very stressed.
SARAH: I would just be pining all the time.
KAYLA: I don't think it would be fun. Some people are like I mean I love dating it's so fun meeting new people.
SARAH: Oh, it would not be fun.
KAYLA: You would not like it.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Honestly you might just personality-wise end up single anyway just because you're like this is too much for me.
SARAH: This is too much I just might hug my dog.
KAYLA: I could see you going into like your late 30s single because you're just like I need everyone to grow up and to figure my shit out first before I can deal with the stress of this.
SARAH: Once again, we're just back at the beginning the very… just the chasm between us when it comes to.
KAYLA: Truly the opposites. Can you even believe it?
SARAH: Oh man. Okay, well I hope y'all enjoyed that but I do think just like recommendation for anyone listening regardless of what your sexuality is. I think this is a really interesting thing to do.
KAYLA: I agree.
SARAH: Especially if you're straight and like you or you're white or you're cis or you know that sort of thing and just like not just being like oh these people have to go through x things or these people's lives are different for x reasons but like actually put yourself in those shoes and be like okay how would I react to this? How would it be different for me? And it gives you a greater amount of empathy for those people and that is good.
SARAH: I agree.
KAYLA: Also, just like I don't know, it can be fun imagining different lives you know?
SARAH: Yeah, it's like an alternate version of you that you don't have to be because thank God I don't have a date.
KAYLA: Oh my god
SARAH: It'd be horrible.
KAYLA: But I also think like even doing this kind of exercise with a friend too who like either is the same identity as you or different like that person has a different perspective of you than you have of yourself.
SARAH: Right and I think that can also just be helpful in like understanding yourself as like seeing… being like okay this is how your friend sees you. Obviously, I couldn't come up with anything for you because I only speak vibes but…
KAYLA: Sarah actually doesn't speak to me is why we have trouble with this is we're not actually friends.
SARAH: Yeah, I just sent her vibes that this is when we're going to pod this week.
KAYLA: Yeah, and we don't even text I just feel it like oh yeah…
SARAH: Yeah. She just feels it
KAYLA: It is going to be Thursday at 11 p.m. EST.
SARAH: You know um those like friendship bracelets where you can like touch it.
KAYLA: I want one so bad can we get them?
SARAH: Yeah, let's get some vibes.
KAYLA: Dude did I ever tell you a friend at work had knockoff Air Pods called air vibes?
SARAH: Yeah, you did tell me that.
KAYLA: Well just a reminder…
SARAH: I think you also told the podcast.
KAYLA: Just a reminder to everyone because it's still hilarious what a terrible name.
SARAH: Okay, well uh great um what is our poll for this week?
KAYLA: Oh God, um
SARAH: Would Sarah dating be a menace? Not me. I wouldn't be a menace if I were dating but just like the me the concept of me dating itself would be a menace.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think it would be bad. Would Sarah… that's not… would Sarah be terrible?
SARAH: Why have Kayla's boyfriends all looked the same?
KAYLA: I don't want to talk about it because sometimes when they realize it they get weirded out.
SARAH: I mean I really don't think it's been intentional it's just happened.
KAYLA: It hasn't but it is funny because then you have to reassure them that no they do look better than the other one which is never a lie.
SARAH: Taking a step up every time.
KAYLA: Well yeah, it's never a lie because obviously I think whoever I'm dating currently is the most attractive especially being demi when like…
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: Like physical attractiveness doesn't for… whatever we can get into this another time of how I view attractiveness but it is funny.
SARAH: Kayla can't rate people on his go from one to ten.
KAYLA: Sometimes my therapist is like we're going to do a one to ten scale and I know you hate it and I'm like
SARAH: Oh no
KAYLA: Ashley you're right, I do hate it, at least you as my therapist know this about me.
SARAH: Amazing
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: Okay um yeah what's our poll?
KAYLA: Uh is would Sarah be bad at dating?
SARAH: Yeah, yes or yes. All right uh what's your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: Uh beef I'm not doing because it's just too much.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Uh juice is the weather has been really nice lately which is lit and on Monday.
SARAH: Like what temperature?
KAYLA: Like 40s to 60s to be honest.
SARAH: Oh.
KAYLA: I know uh on Monday after work I took out my new roller skates and I rolled…
SARAH: Oh Jesus
KAYLA: Around the park and it was like.
SARAH: I believe the term is skated.
KAYLA: No, I rolled around.
SARAH: Okay like a roly poly fucking bug.
KAYLA: Yeah, I wasn't even on my skates was the crazy part is I was just doing somersaults with the skates on. I got some really weird looks for some reason.
SARAH: Or doing like pumpkin rolls.
KAYLA: Yeah, it was good. Uh and it was difficult because I was in like a park so like there was twigs and shit and like cracks in the cement all abound and at some points I was going uphill kind of and at some points I was going downhill. But I only fell once when I was like leaving the park and transferring to the sidewalk. So, like if I had just taken off my skates. Uh but so yeah for those of you that were following my roller skate saga on Twitter that's um the update.
SARAH: I'm still so sad that you deleted that video of yourself falling.
KAYLA: It's really life's biggest tragedy and if someone that works at Instagram because it was an Instagram video and I deleted it. So, if someone from Instagram like has videos that like can recover that.
SARAH: Can recover that
KAYLA: Can you please I'm… or if my FBI agent from my phone was recording me.
SARAH: FBI agent. Hey hey hey Susan. Hey Susan FBI.
KAYLA: Susan at FBI at gmail.com.
SARAH: No no her name is Susan FBI.
KAYLA: Oh, that's a terrible name. How did her parents know?
SARAH: She changed her name when she joined the FBI. She was just really into it.
KAYLA: Because she married it. When you join the FBI you get married to the FBI.
SARAH: When a woman in the FBI love each other very much.
KAYLA: It's like how priests wear rings they're married to God.
SARAH: Oh amazing.
KAYLA: FBI is God.
SARAH: Cool.
KAYLA: Anyway
SARAH: I have a couple beefs that are like chill beefs that are not like yelling about in the freezer.
KAYLA: Beefs that have been in the freezer
SARAH: Yeah, um fresh never frozen. They're like Wendy's beefs you know.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: Um so composting in America is hard um at the very least it's inconvenient. I was trying to look into doing composting because that has been something that I've wanted to do once I lived on my own many years.
KAYLA: Yeah, you've like talked about it.
SARAH: Yeah, um the problem is I'm… I read a story about how someone accidentally um killed 1,000 worms.
KAYLA: No not the worms.
SARAH: And now I'm if anyone's going to kill 1,000 worms I could I could do that. That sounds like something that would happen to me.
KAYLA: Yes, you could easily kill 1,000 worms.
[00:50:00]
SARAH: And also like… I was like okay so like I was just looking into different ways you could do it and it's like well you can just like bring your compost to a you know composting facility but even though I live in LA which like if anywhere is going to have a lot of composting places it's going to be fucking LA. Yeah, like they're not near me and they're like only open for two hours in the middle of the night on a Tuesday.
KAYLA: What the fuck?
SARAH: I mean that's an exaggeration.
KAYLA: Oh okay.
SARAH: They have regular hours.
KAYLA: Oh okay.
SARAH: But it's just like we need a better infrastructure for composting like we do with trash and even with recycling. My next beef is that a number of days ago I had a dream that I was nine months pregnant.
KAYLA: Why didn't you tell me of this? Or because we don’t talk?
SARAH: I'm still thinking about it. Yeah, vibes only and good vibes only and this was a bad vibe. So…
KAYLA: Oh, I see, I see.
SARAH: I'm still thinking about it. I hate it so much. Then I was also listening to season two of the podcast The Dream. It's this is the MLM podcast that I talked about a while back. Season two is about like medicine that's like not medicine you know?
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: Like essential oils and like weirder stuff you know?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And there was an episode where they were talking about childbirth and listening to that episode really didn't help.
KAYLA: Yeah, you've never been a fan of pregnancy.
SARAH: Oh no like even when I thought I was going to have kids pregnancy was just ugh.
KAYLA: Sarah is afraid of like large pregnant bellies.
SARAH: I don't like baby bellies they kind of freak me out.
KAYLA: We have big plans of all of our friends getting pregnant at once and surrounding Sarah with our stomachs.
SARAH: Terrifying. A terrifying concept.
KAYLA: You're welcome.
SARAH: Um my other beef is that I lost my license and my credit card again.
KAYLA: Again, you hurt her.
SARAH: I literally just replaced my credit card because last time I lost it and then I ordered a new one and then I found it and I don't… I last used it…
KAYLA: She had just found the dongle.
SARAH: I just found the dongle I was so proud of myself and I watched a video on how to ADHD which is a lovely YouTube channel for people with ADHD about how to not lose things and I was like but what if I've already lost it.
KAYLA: Yeah, that video really doesn't help at that time.
SARAH: Um so I've been driving around… well and I used it on Monday but I didn't realize till last night Wednesday night that I didn't know where they were so I have no idea when or where I lost them.
KAYLA: Yeah, they're gone.
SARAH: I’m very upset. I've checked all my pockets, checked my car, I dumped my bag out.
KAYLA: They should really put like find my credit card chips that should be like no that could get very bad I feel like maybe.
SARAH: But I… help me I have ADHD.
KAYLA: I know someone please help Sarah.
SARAH: Someone please help
KAYLA: Excuse me, do you know where Sarah's things are?
SARAH: I was so proud of finding my dongle.
KAYLA: You really were.
SARAH: I even told Discord about it.
KAYLA: I know Sarah has been very active in Discord lately.
SARAH: Auf Deutsch bitte.
KAYLA: Maybe that's how we should have known the end days are coming when Sarah makes a presence in the discord. We should have known.
SARAH: Amazing. Okay my juice is that Harvey Weinstein got 23 years in prison.
KAYLA: Oh yeah fuck that guy to be honest.
SARAH: And he's still going to get tried in Los Angeles and blah blah blah.
KAYLA: Did you see that his lawyer was like if he gets more than five years in prison he'll die and everyone was like yay.
SARAH: Yeah, yeah that's the point. You uh you did some really shitty things and now you have to be punished for it.
KAYLA: It's almost like that's how it works.
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: And he was like but I'm old and frail and then he was like the me too movement has gone too far and I was like oh fuck you.
KAYLA: Oh good.
SARAH: My other juice um is that this pod can't get cancelled for the coronavirus because it's already remote.
KAYLA: We weren't supposed to talk about it.
SARAH: Well, this is a positive thing.
KAYLA: I guess that's fair.
SARAH: You will you will have the pod in this time
KAYLA: You know what's maybe positive if you start working remotely? we won't have to record so late.
SARAH: I was thinking that today.
KAYLA: That’s exciting
SARAH: There's a decent chance I'll be working remotely next week.
KAYLA: I'm already working remotely and I'm probably going to drive myself back to Michigan this weekend so we're remote and we're here to distract you.
SARAH: We're here we're queer we're remote. You can tell it pole beef juice coronavirus is banned, politics are banned, just for this week.
KAYLA: As a treat.
SARAH: As a treat to my mental health.
KAYLA: Truly.
SARAH: @soundsfakepod everywhere on the internet. Shh. Stop revving your engine motherfucker.
KAYLA: Watch his penis, it's so tiny.
SARAH: It's so tiny. So many people just rev their cars outside my house and it's like why?
KAYLA: It's an epidemic.
SARAH: The speed limit is 40.
KAYLA: Tiny peens.
SARAH: Oh, anyway um uh @soundsfakepod uh sounds fake pod on patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod um our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Astritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finny, Perry Fiero, Dee, Megan Rowell, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, Tim, BookMarvel, ChangelingMx, Derek and Carissa, Simona Simon, Jamie Jack, Drew Yangy, and Jessica Shea. Hi Jessica.
KAYLA: Hello, welcome.
SARAH: Is it Shea? Is it Shea, Jessica?
KAYLA: I feel like it is.
SARAH: I always read… I always read S-H-E-A as she even though I know it's wrong. It's just my instinct.
KAYLA: Well, I guess…
SARAH: Unless it's Shea Butter, in which case I read it as Shea.
KAYLA: I guess we'll find out.
SARAH: Anyway, thank you Jessica. Our $10 patrons are Kevin and Tessa @dirtyunclekevin, @tessa_m_k, Arcness who would like to promote the Trevor Project, Benjamin Ybarra who would like to promote tabletop games, Anonymous who would like to promote Halloween, Sarah McCoy who would like to promote a podcast from a planet weird, my aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher's Haven, Cassandra who would like to promote their modeling, Instagram @liddowred, Doug Rice. Hi Doug. Doug, you've been around for so long and now Doug gives us money.
KAYLA: Doug from Twitter
SARAH: Thank you Doug. Doug would like to promote the Parenting Forward Conference which is… it's an online thing. April 20th to 22nd. Blaze it, but don't blaze it. Don't encourage your kids to blaze it.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: If you're going to blaze it, safely.
KAYLA: That's good. That's good advice.
SARAH: Thank you Doug. We also have another new channel on Patreon. Maggie Capalbo is what me and Kayla think it might be pronounced as.
KAYLA: Perhaps.
SARAH: And she would like to promote her dog's Instagram.
KAYLA: I'm looking at this dog Instagram right now and it's very good.
SARAH: It's @minniemuffin19, that's Minnie, M-I-N-N-I-E. I haven't looked yet but I look forward to it
KAYLA: She is a one-year-old rescue puppy. And she just seems to be having…
SARAH: What flavor?
KAYLA: Oh my God. Black. I don't know what type of dog this is.
SARAH: Okay. Is it a big dog or a little dog? Medium dog?
KAYLA: Medium.
SARAH: Okay. I love it
KAYLA: Not like lots of fur like a slicked little coat situation you know I'm saying?
SARAH: Okay everyone, look at the Instagram. Go to the Instagram have someone who's better at describing Instagrams than us describe it to you.
KAYLA: Yeah, don't… we're not don't have us.
SARAH: We're not.
KAYLA: I don't know dog breeds like what do you want?
SARAH: Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White…
KAYLA: It’s not a dog podcast
SARAH: NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, my mom Julie who would like to promote free mom hugs, Sarah Jones who was @Eternallolli Everywhere, Dia Chappelle who would like to now promote the podcast The Beacon. Kayla knows things about it I don't.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's another audio drama fiction about a character who discovers she has magical powers. Spoiler. The main character turns out to be Cannon Ace in the second season.
SARAH: Coming for the magic stay for the Ace.
KAYLA: Which is a spoiler if you start from the beginning but I feel like it's a good time to know now. So, yeah
SARAH: And of course, Dragonfly who this week is going to promote staying off Twitter for your own mental health.
KAYLA: Oh my God can I please promote not looking at Twitter immediately when you wake up because that's what I usually do but I did it this morning and let me tell you how much of a mistake that was. Just like give… don't, just don't.
SARAH: Like I do get a lot of my news from Twitter but sometimes I just can get news by the other assistants in the office going oh my god they're shutting down Manhattan.
[01:00:00]
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, you know I just trust them to just say things you know.
KAYLA: It's kind of how my work is just a series of oh anyway we're not supposed to be talking about this.
SARAH: I had something I could have said but it has to do with coronavirus so I can't.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Anyway, thank you for listening tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: Until then take good care of your cows.
SARAH: And wash your fucking hands.
KAYLA: Oh yes.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]