Ep 32: The Gay Agenda
SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA: And a demi straight girl (that’s me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: The gay agenda.
BOTH: — Sounds fake, but okay.
*Intro music*
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod
KAYLA: It’s us? For a second week in a row? Who?
SARAH: And we think we might have figured out how we can get things done this summer so you won’t be missing too much of us.
KAYLA: It’ll be a lot of pre-recording.
SARAH: Some pre-recording –
KAYLA: So some of it might not address current events as they’re happening. Sorry.
SARAH: And then some remote recording.
KAYLA: Some remote recording. We’re going to have lots of fun guests, we’re hoping.
SARAH: Heck yeck.
KAYLA: So it won’t just be us. Hopefully we’re going to have our first male guest –
SARAH: Yeah, it’s going to happen.
KAYLA: We’re definitely having our first non-female guest, but we might have our first male guest also. A wild time.
SARAH: Which is going to be –
KAYLA: May.
SARAH: It’s going to be May.
KAYLA: (gasps) It’s my birthday soon.
SARAH: That’s true.
KAYLA: I just – What? Exclaim it? I don’t know, just say it. I’m just excited.
SARAH: Wow, Kayla. Way to tell everyone about your birthday.
KAYLA: Is it you that hates when people do that, they make a big deal out of it on social media?
SARAH: I hate it when people do it on their birthday.
KAYLA: Or when people are like, oh, it’s my birthday.
SARAH: I know. I’m fine with some hints leading up to the birthday, but I think on the day of –
KAYLA: This is my hint. My birthday’s on the 9th.
SARAH: (laughs) Her birthday’s on May 9th. I just hate it when people are like, it’s my birthday. I’m like, shut the fuck up. Like, I had a tweet to tweet this year around my birthday, and I intentionally waited until the day after my birthday to tweet it.
KAYLA: I feel like I remember what the tweet was –
SARAH: It was about how a bunch of social media were reminding me that it was my birthday, as if I didn’t know. But I didn’t want to tweet it before my birthday –
KAYLA: Because then you’d be like, me.
SARAH: Right.
BOTH: Anyway. (laugh)
SARAH: That got off topic very quickly, like this whole pod. Today, we’re going to – What are we, I forgot already.
KAYLA: The gay agenda.
SARAH: The gay agenda. So, there are lots of conspiracy theories about what the gays want. (laughs)
KAYLA: Isn't there a movie, like What a Girl Wants?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: (sings) What a gay wants, what a gay needs.
SARAH: Incredible. But I found this article with a long list of a lot of the claims that right-wing people have made about what the gay agenda is, some conspiracy theories. So, we're going to go through them, we're going to talk about them, and then we're going to come up with our own queer agenda, which is going to be great –
KAYLA: But we haven't pre-planned it.
SARAH: Oh, we pre-plan nothing.
KAYLA: So, as usual, pre-planned nothing. Have we been criticized for doing that? Yes. Have you changed anything?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Absolutely not. Because we are trash.
SARAH: I mean, for some episodes, we do need to do research.
KAYLA: Yeah, for some episodes we do need to do that.
SARAH: We don't plan out the structure of our pod.
KAYLA: Listen, I just like episodes that sound like it's friends talking, because then I feel like I have friends.
SARAH: Yeah, incredible.
KAYLA: So, that’s what we’re making.
MALE VOICE: I’m living with HIV –
SARAH: Oh, an ad started playing.
KAYLA: Absolutely not.
SARAH: I'm sorry.
KAYLA: There's a woman in a tin hat.
SARAH; Oh, all of these have pictures of the people who believe it, with an aluminum foil hat Photoshopped onto them.
KAYLA: And we'll put this link on our Patreon. You don’t have to be a patron to see it, but it's going to be on our Patreon.
SARAH: The first one is that LGBT people cause natural disasters.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: This is a failed congressional candidate from Illinois.
KAYLA: Wow.
SARAH: Her name is Susanne Atanus. She said, "God is angry. We are provoking him with abortions, and same-sex marriage, and civil unions. So, he's sending tornadoes, autism, and dementia." Now here's the thing, only one of those is a natural disaster.
KAYLA: Also, I will point out that it's only the same-sex marriage and civil union. So, it sounds to me like if you're gay and as long as you don't get married, your gayness is fine and it's not causing anything. However, once you get married, suddenly, a tornado hits. Every 10 seconds, a gay gets married and the tornado hits.
SARAH: Yes, and obviously, I'm just going to say even before I say it, this is very sarcastic.
KAYLA: Thank you.
SARAH: Because I don't want –
KAYLA: We don’t want that hate.
SARAH: Anyway, obviously, autism is the worst thing that can ever happen to anybody.
KAYLA: Yeah, definitely.
SARAH: For sure.
KAYLA: My favorite though, is it’s specifically tornadoes, autism, and dementia. So, what's causing everything else?
SARAH: Sorry, I was reading the article.
KAYLA: I was asking, what's causing everything else? Like all these hurricanes we've been having, who is that?
SARAH: Who is she?
KAYLA: Who's causing that one?
SARAH: Who did that to Puerto Rico? We did that to Puerto Rico. It's our fault they still don't have power.
KAYLA: Yeah, we did the after effects, we are all kinds of responsible.
SARAH: But it was Irma who started it.
KAYLA: But who set Irma off, who spilled the tea on Irma and pissed her off?
SARAH: I don't know. But I'd like to point out that this woman won the Republican primary.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: She lost hardcore against, I guess it was – The woman who beat her was a popular incumbent and LGBT ally.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: Let’s see, so there’s this –
KAYLA: Oh no, we are blaming –
SARAH: So, Bobby Jindal, who I've heard of that name before. So, that's Louisiana's governor.
KAYLA: Oh, so he is a governor.
SARAH: I don't know when this was this was published, but he's saying I guess he at one point was considering the Republican presidential nomination. He clearly didn't get it, I don't think he went for it. Maybe he did, maybe this is old, I don't know, it doesn't have a date on it. But he is heading a supposedly nonpartisan prayer rally. Organizers of the rally released a prayer guide blaming Hurricane Katrina which devasted New Orleans in 2005, and the more recent tornado in Joplin, Missouri, on homosexuality, abortion, and pornography.
KAYLA: See, now you can't tell me that none of those people at that rally have not watched porn.
SARAH: "We do know that natural disasters can be a form of God's judgment on an unrepentant nation. It's fitting that a part of the country that is obviously at risk for natural disasters would lead the nation in modeling repentance”. (laughs)
KAYLA: So, you would think that these natural disasters would occur where most of the gays are.
SARAH: Yeah, but it's not. It's occurring where these actual disasters normally happen.
KAYLA: Right, so I'm saying that the logic doesn't make sense. Because I would think California, New York, just population-wise there's more people there so there must be more gay people there. So, why is it that –
SARAH: Why is it hitting Missouri?
KAYLA: Missouri seems either pretty straight, or pretty “I'm gay and I'm not going to tell anyone”.
SARAH: Right, I think St. Louis might be okay, but if you go into the boonies, you know...
KAYLA: Yeah, like Tennessee. And this could be totally me just making generalizations about the South, which isn't great, but from what I understand –
SARAH: Yeah, I mean, there are definitely places where it's very accepted, but there are other places where it's not.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah, so Hurricane Katrina is the gays’ fault. This just in, you heard it here first.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: All right, the next one said by Pastor James David Manning of the something World Missionary Church in New York City.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: He says that we put special flavoring in Starbucks lattes.
KAYLA: The gays do?
SARAH: Yeah, I guess.
KAYLA: The homo demons?
SARAH: Let's see, he's advocated stoning of LGBT people.
KAYLA: Great.
SARAH: [He] said President Obama has released homo demons on Black men and characterized gay athletes as pedophiles. But his wildest claim is that the lattes at Starbucks are flavored with semen from sodomites.
KAYLA: Oh, my God.
SARAH: That's something he apparently picked up from a satirical article which he took seriously.
KAYLA: Here's my thing. To know that a Starbucks latte has semen in it, you must have tasted semen. How gay is that for him to have tasted semen? That's pretty gay.
SARAH: That’s pretty gay.
KAYLA: Whose semen is he tasting?
SARAH: I think we're really overlooking the fact that he advocated stoning of LGBTQ –
KAYLA: We are, and I choose to overlook that, because it makes me sad.
SARAH: Alright.
KAYLA: And there's no way to make a good joke about that.
SARAH: I mean, you're not wrong. We're going to move on. We're gremlins, that’s exciting.
KAYLA: Ah. Oh my God.
SARAH: So Anthony Culler, a Republican congressional candidate from South Carolina, he said, "Do not buy the cuteness and the ‘What will it hurt?’ arguments whispered in your ears” –
BOTH: Whispered.
SARAH: “Whispered and marketed to our children. Same-sex couples that seek to destroy our way of life and the institution of marriage are not cute and cuddly, but rather (for those of you that are old enough to remember the movie), Gremlins that want to destroy our way of life."
KAYLA: I've seen Gremlins, they're only mean if you give them water after midnight.
SARAH: Gay people cannot drink water after midnight.
KAYLA: So, what I'm hearing is, don't water your gays after midnight.
SARAH: But here's the thing, when are you allowed to start watering the gays in the morning? Like, when –
KAYLA: Also, it's always midnight somewhere.
SARAH: That's true. It's like Jimmy Buffett says, it's always midnight somewhere.
KAYLA: That's my favorite Jimmy Buffett song. Yeah, we love that. But here's the thing, he's also pretty ugly so who are you calling a gremlin, sir?
SARAH: He looks pretty weird.
KAYLA: With your funny face.
SARAH: I mean okay, he looks kind of average-looking.
KAYLA: He looks normal, but his teeth are far too white and I don't like him.
SARAH: Yeah, my teeth are really yellow.
KAYLA: Same.
SARAH: Probably because I’m queer, I don’t know.
KAYLA: That’s got to be it.
(10:00)
SARAH: Oh, this is a pretty common one, that the queers are recruiting and molesting children, and they're basically rapists.
KAYLA: Yeah, I feel like that's –
SARAH: This is just a fun callback to the whole Target thing. The bathroom thing at Target?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: For those of you who aren't American or aren't in the loop, a couple months ago –
KAYLA: Months? I feel like it was at least a year ago.
SARAH: Last year, anyway, it was a hot second ago.
KAYLA: It was literally, I think probably about a year ago.
SARAH: It doesn't really matter.
KAYLA: Alright, I’m just saying.
SARAH: But basically, Target was like, if you're trans you can use the bathroom of the gender with which you identify.
KAYLA: Basically, they were saying inclusive bathrooms, yay.
SARAH: And then people got so pissed, they're like, I'm never shopping at Target again. Which is fine because Target is going to do fine without you.
KAYLA: Target is great.
SARAH: Because for those of you who aren't aware, Target is a huge franchise.
KAYLA: We all love Target.
SARAH: But some people not shopping there anymore is not going hurt them.
KAYLA: Honestly, doing that helps them more than it hurt them, because I'm sure they gained more customers than they lost.
SARAH: Yeah, but basically, people were getting really pissed and they were like, you know, the whole argument of basically talking about trans women as just being like, men in the women's bathroom and they're going to molest our kids. Which is, here's the thing, you go yelling rape in this scenario, but you don't actually do anything to help rape victims in real life.
KAYLA: Yeah, and a man could always go in the women's bathroom before this anyway. If a man was going to want to walk into the bathroom and molest someone, that sign on the door and some rule is not going to stop them in the first place.
SARAH: It's not like alarms go off.
KAYLA: Nothing was stopping them before.
SARAH: And also, that's kind of overlooking the fact that people can rape people of the same gender as them. There's not one way that sexual assault happens.
KAYLA: Yeah, anyone can rape anyone. So, it's like, doesn't really matter who's allowed in your bathroom because a) anyone can go in there and b) it could be someone that you think is supposed to be in there.
SARAH: And let me tell you 99.9999999% of the people who walk into a bathroom are in that bathroom because they want to go to the bathroom.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, listen –
SARAH: They just have to pee, okay.
KAYLA: People don't usually choose public places to rape people.
SARAH: Especially a Target that's only open basically during daylight hours.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think maybe don't be scared of Target, you know?
SARAH: Alright, I'm not even going to read this, because I don't want to feel that.
KAYLA: You know what's exciting, speaking of all this? In the past six months maybe, I've had several nightmares about being raped and assaulted. And that's like, new this year too. And I don't know why, but it happened two nights ago and it was someone that we know.
SARAH: (yells)
KAYLA: Anyway, and it's just like, what a fun part of being a woman. I tweeted it and got an unfortunate amount of likes from other women, because I'm sure they were like, same, which is just sad. Anyway.
SARAH: Yeah, it's great.
KAYLA: That's probably my favorite.
SARAH: I was definitely walking down the street the other day –
KAYLA: Did you think someone was following you? I do that all the time.
SARAH: No, but I was walking, it was nighttime, I was by myself, I had my headphones in and I was also wearing a skirt, I was wearing a long skirt.
KAYLA: So, you could not have run.
SARAH: Right, and I was literally thinking about – because I saw these two guys sitting on a porch and they were just sitting there drinking, they weren't doing anything.
KAYLA: They weren't hurting anyone.
SARAH: But I didn't realize they were there until I was kind of close to them, so it freaked me out a little bit. And so, I was literally thinking about what I would do, if someone were to just attack me.
KAYLA: How fun. Anyway –
SARAH: We love it. Anyway, this next one is great. So, gays in the military spend their time giving and getting massages, making us soft and vulnerable to terrorism.
KAYLA: Um, okay. Lots to unpack here. First of all, gays in the military still have to make it through boot camp. So, it's not like you're just throwing some random gays in there, and they're all soft. Like, who – What? Also, no one's doing that.
SARAH: He's talking about how the Greeks did that, and how it made them fail. What are you talking about?
KAYLA: You know, that's not the only reason the Greeks failed and probably not even one of the reasons. Also, that was a long time ago. I don’t get that.
SARAH: I don't even understand, this is literally what he's saying, is that the massages – I don't, I’ve got to go, okay.
KAYLA: There's a funny quote Stephen Colbert said about this, “This man is brave enough to say the things that no one has the slightest desire to say”.
SARAH: That's true.
KAYLA: Which is great.
SARAH: This next guy, "We're going to incite God's wrath by urging Uganda to be accepting of LGBT citizens."
KAYLA: Alright, that's just a lot.
SARAH: Yeah, alright, next one. We caused the Ukraine crisis.
KAYLA: See, these are just all very specific. Are people just faced with a crisis, and then they're like, oh, gays? What is happening?
SARAH: Well, no, this guy's saying "The greatest point of conflict between the US and Russia is the question of homosexuality. I believe even the conflict in Ukraine is being driven to a large extent by this issue, at least on the part of the Obama State Department and the homosexualist leaders of the EU."
KAYLA: Oh, my God. Okay, so that's not as outlandish as a lot of the other ones.
SARAH: “He's a strong supporter of Russia's gay propaganda law and he said he's proud to have helped inspire it”.
KAYLA: Okay, if he wasn't doing that, I would say that this is a fair point. It's a fair and probably accurate point to say that the United States being more accepting of LGBT people is probably something Russia doesn't like.
SARAH: The Russian government doesn’t like.
KAYLA: The Russian government. I think that's a fair and accurate point but that's as far as that point goes. After that, I don't know what he's doing.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: He started with an accurate fact, and then he did not stop.
SARAH: Yeah, also, this is about to get political. But a big issue I think, in the way that Americans view Russia is that we think that everyone agrees with Putin, which is wildly incorrect.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And so, we think of them as one homogenous opinion, which isn't the case. And so, then we're like – Because obviously, there are so many different opinions about homosexuality in the United States and honestly, our current government –
KAYLA: Not great.
SARAH: It doesn't even really represent how I personally feel about it.
KAYLA: God, no.
SARAH: So, you can't project the whole government on all the people, but whatever, that's another thing. Alright, what the fuck? “Court rulings upholding marriage equality are like those upholding slavery”. Kanye West?
KAYLA: I'd like to see the science. Did you know slavery is a choice?
SARAH: According to Kanye West.
KAYLA: I saw a really good tweet that was like, 12 Years Of Choice is not as good of a title.
SARAH: Oh, no.
KAYLA: Anyway, what's the science behind this one?
SARAH: So, I'm just going to read it, okay. "So, the far-right just can't resist equating LGBT progress with some of history's greatest horrors such as slavery and the Holocaust. So, the ever-reliable Brian Fisher of the American Family Association, after the US Supreme Court let several marriage equality rulings stand, he invoked the Court’s 1857 Dred Scott decision."
KAYLA: Oh, my God.
SARAH: "Which held that blacks were not and could not be US citizens, and therefore Scott, an African American slave who had sued for his freedom, must be returned to slavery. The court duplicated its wrongheaded and grossly immoral Dred Scott ruling yesterday by imposing same-sex marriage on the entire country. This is tyranny."
KAYLA: Oh, wow.
SARAH: "The court was wrong in 1857 and it was wrong Monday. It was wrong on slavery and it is wrong on sodomy. By the time this court has finished working its mischief, all 50 states will be bludgeoned into recognizing the infamous crime against nature as a basis for marriage. This is a monstrous evil."
KAYLA: Is he saying that it was wrong to abolish slavery?
SARAH: No, he's saying that the Dred Scott case was wrong. So, he is saying that to force Dred Scott back into slavery was wrong.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: For those of you who aren't American, this is kind of a major case in US history. Where basically, there was this guy who sued for his freedom but this court decision said Black people cannot be US citizens, and they forced him back into slavery. So, this guy is saying that in allowing for marriage equality, the US Supreme Court is, in the same way, they forced Dred Scott into slavery, forcing us into – What exactly? I don't know. It's not like the US government is forcing us all to get gay married.
KAYLA: I think that this man thinks that he is being forced to gay marry someone.
SARAH: I think that's what this seems to be saying.
KAYLA:I think he's stupid or –
SARAH: Yep, he's stupid because I just can see no way how these two things are actually related.
KAYLA: To be fair, I think that of all of these things.
SARAH: Fair. "We're endangering the soul of America." Yeah, they all say that. "We're suppressing Christianity and we'll send those who don't agree with us." We again, is the gays. So, the queers are suppressing Christianity and we'll send those who don't agree with them to camps, like the Nazis did.
KAYLA: You know what's interesting is gay people went to camps during the Nazis and now we're – It's interesting that you think that.
(20:00)
SARAH: Also, he's saying... Oh, this is Rick Santorum.
KAYLA: Oh, great.
SARAH: Wait, I know who that guy is. He was a former Pennsylvania senator and failed presidential candidate.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Let's see, Santorum claimed those who oppose LGBT rights because of their religious faith will become martyrs. And he alleged, "There was a case in Colorado where someone had to go to a reeducation camp." Well yeah, that’s – What?
"The trailer to the film uses” this film that he made “uses clips of Nazi rallies and a mention of German theologian, Dietrich Bonhoeffer's martyrdom for speaking out against Hitler." I don't even understand this. "The church in Germany sat by as their freedoms and the freedoms of the Jews were restricted. By the time they woke up, it was too late. America is not Nazi Germany, nor is there an interference in the movie that our government is taking that extreme a position." I don't even understand this.
KAYLA: So, he's saying that there was a case in Colorado for some LGBT thing where someone had to go to a reeducation camp. My guess is someone was just sent to a class or something.
SARAH: Who was sent to – What were they being educated in?
KAYLA: Yeah, and I'm sure it wasn’t a camp.
SARAH: To me, when someone says reeducation camp, I think of kids going to conversion therapy. That's where my brain went.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So, I don't understand. Also, suppression [of] Christianity, there's a separation of church and state in this country, so get over it, bud.
KAYLA: To be fair, Christians are kind of suppressing everyone else in this country. So, it's like, hmm.
SARAH: But also, I like how he's talking about the Nazis, like the Nazis did this. As if we didn't do that in World War Two, we sent Japanese Americans to Japanese internment camps on American soil.
KAYLA: We did that, we did do that.
SARAH: We did that.
KAYLA: And also, the Nazis were bad.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And gays aren't.
SARAH: Not inherently.
KAYLA: I mean, I'm sure there are some bad gays but like, as a whole.
SARAH: Oh, again, this is kind of hitting on that thing that I talked about “Allowing transgender [people] to access the restroom of their choice encourages sexual predators.” No it doesn’t. "Laverne Cox is doing Satan's work". (laughs) I love Laverne Cox.
KAYLA: Wow. I mean, is she? Maybe, but not because she's Laverne Cox. I don't know.
SARAH: So, an anti-LGBT activist, Linda Harvey, "I think America is quickly moving into chaotic territory, where we are blessing and improving behaviors that so completely defy reality and the will of God, and the consequences will be devastating, especially to kids. If Satan were to devise a strategy to confuse and undermine the moral base of America, he could not have chosen a better vehicle than pushing gender confusion, which is just the latest offshoot of the homosexual."
KAYLA: You know what has probably happened here is this woman probably saw Laverne Cox, didn't realize she was trans, and then found out and got mad because she probably really liked Laverne Cox, but hates trans people.
SARAH: She was probably like, wow, this woman is so beautiful. She's so nice and smart.
KAYLA: Like what a good actress, and then she probably found out and then she got very mad.
SARAH: I'm sure that's exactly what happened.
KAYLA: And then now, she's mad that she was confused.
SARAH: Yeah, probably. Um, we're trying to put a wedding chapel out of business.
KAYLA: There's no such thing as a wedding chapel. You get married in a regular church,
SARAH: Maybe in Vegas.
KAYLA: I'm sure gays get married in Vegas.
SARAH: What? "Our totalitarian worldview caused Brendon Eich's ousting at Mozilla".
KAYLA: I don't know who that is.
SARAH: Mozilla Firefox. This is some guy, he was a CEO.
KAYLA: Oh, Mozilla as in Firefox Mozilla.
SARAH: Yeah, it's not Firefox Mozilla, it's Mozilla Firefox.
KAYLA: Who the fuck cares? No one uses that shit.
SARAH: I think my dad does.
KAYLA: Google Chrome forever.
SARAH: A McCarthyesque witch hunt makes the term ‘thought bullies’ seem modest. Oh, it's because the CEO supported "true marriage” and people got pissed at him. Um –
So, this other guy is talking about critics of Eich. He said, "This attack to deny Mr. Eich his livelihood for supporting true marriage is a continuation of the shameful pattern we have consistently seen from gay activists. It basically says to all those in America and around the world who believe in a view of marriage that is consistent with the teachings of their faith, that they're all bigots and haters, and there's no place for them in civil society. This is the totalitarian worldview we will all be under if marriage ultimately is redefined in the law."
Here's the thing, my faith says to me that gay marriage is dope. They're saying that these people are anti-gay marriage because of their faith and that they shouldn't be called bigots because of that, but my faith, what I believe, disagrees with that. And it's also free speech. I can call you whatever I want to call you.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's like they can say what they want to say, we can call them what we want to call them. It's not like we're ousting them.
SARAH: And Eich can say whatever he wants to say, but free speech does not mean – This is quite an issue in America these days, is that free speech does not mean that you're bulletproof.
KAYLA: Yes, free speech does not mean no consequence.
SARAH: Free speech means that if you're in a position of power, you can say what you want. However, there may be consequences for that.
KAYLA: Yeah, there will not be legal consequences, because it's a law.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That doesn't mean there are no consequences at all, ever.
SARAH: Exactly. If people criticize you for what you say, that's their use of free speech too. So, you can't say that you can have free speech but other people can’t.
KAYLA: Yeah. You know.
SARAH: You know. "We're spreading HIV through towels." Oh, it's the televangelists, that's exciting.
KAYLA: We love a televangelist.
SARAH: In 2013, he said, this guy Pat Robertson – Wait, I'm just going to read this whole sentence. "Televangelist Pat Robertson is the gift that keeps on giving when it comes to creating conspiracy theories. In 2013, he said gay activists spread HIV by wearing special sharpened rings that could cause cuts, and therefore exchange of blood during handshake."
KAYLA: Why would anyone want to transmit HIV? To what end?
SARAH: I don't understand. Oh, apparently he thinks everyone in Kenya has AIDS.
KAYLA: He says, "You might get AIDS in Kenya. The people have AIDS, you got to be careful. I mean, the towels could have AIDS."
SARAH: Oh my god. Alright, last one, "Influence on fashion such as designing tight pants encourages immorality." Oh, he's a leader of the Jehovah's Witnesses. Anthony Morris I’ve heard of.
KAYLA: You know where I thought this was going to go?
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: I thought they were going to say tight pants leads –
SARAH: (sings) I’ve got my tight pants on.
KAYLA: I thought they were going to say the design of tight pants leads to infertility. Because they say that if men wear too tight clothes, it'll mess up their sperm. So, that's where I thought this was going.
SARAH: Oh my god, hold on. I'm just going to read this quote because it's incredible. He denounced, "This skin-tight stuff" that women wear when they exercise and the "metrosexual look" for men. He apparently just discovered that word. Consisting of the "Tight suit jacket and the tight pants. The homosexuals that are designing these clothes, they like you in tight pants, that's who likes it, not spiritual people." Also, here's the thing, he's assuming that no one who is queer is religious. Which isn't true at all.
KAYLA: I'm also assuming, and this is just me assuming, that he's talking about gay men designers.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Why would gay men designers care if a woman is in tight pants?
SARAH: Yeah, I know. I'm aware, girl.
KAYLA: Just putting it out there.
SARAH: Yeah, alright. Kayla?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: It is time, not for the poll.
KAYLA: Good because I don’t have one.
SARAH: It is time for our queer agenda.
KAYLA: Ice cream sandwiches every day.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I said it.
SARAH: My queer agenda is that we stop having men's and women's sections in stores.
KAYLA: Yeah, because you like men's clothes.
SARAH: I do like men's clothes.
KAYLA: I found a shirt today that you would have liked.
SARAH: That's fun.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: I was looking in the men's section at Forever 21 today and the shirts, they didn't have good options.
KAYLA: Okay, I was also at Forever 21 today, but a different one.
SARAH: That's wild.
KAYLA: I did not look at the men's section.
SARAH: Okay, some Forever 21s don't even have a men's section. I think gendering our clothes is stupid.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Queer agenda, no gender reveal parties for babies.
KAYLA: Yeah, I was kind of disappointed, you know Us the Duo?
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: They had a gender reveal for their baby that they're having, and I was disappointed in them. Like I get it, but ugh.
SARAH: Yeah. And it's just, I understand it's a big deal to find out the gender of your baby. The issue I have with gender reveal parties is not the revealing of the gender. The issue is that they so often fall on these gender stereotypes, and they enforce these gender stereotypes.
KAYLA: Yeah, they'll have the pink balloons, and if it's a boy, they'll have little footballs, and if it's a girl, they'll have little ballerina slippers. And it's like, what?
(30:00)
SARAH: I saw a BuzzFeed article, basically, where they had collected a bunch of photos of the worst of the worst when it comes to gender reveal parties. And I think I've mentioned this before, but they were like, oh, bows or bucks. Bucks as in deer, hunting deer. Or glitter or guns. And it's like, what the fuck? You're telling me that if your child's a boy, you're just going to hand him a gun but if it's a girl, you're just going to throw glitter on her?
KAYLA: You shouldn't do that, glitter is terrible to get off.
SARAH: It's just bad. Also, it's a baby, that's probably dangerous.
KAYLA: Not going to have that shit.
SARAH: Yeah. There was an episode of Superstore recently where they did a gender reveal party, and they put this one guy in charge of doing the cake, and the cake was going to be the thing that revealed on the inside, the color. And he lost the envelope that had the gender of the kid, and he hadn't looked at the envelope yet, and so the cake was just white on the inside. And so, there was the fun joke of you're having a white baby. But also, then as a way to cover his ass he was like, why are we prescribing this baby's gender?
KAYLA: Because their gender reveal party was totally stereotyped. They also had all that shit.
SARAH: Exactly. And on one hand, it was funny because he was just covering his ass, but it was true.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: If you're going to have a gender reveal thing, that's your prerogative. But I think it's important that people think about the effects of these stereotypes that you're perpetuating, from before your kid is even born.
KAYLA: Yeah. Have I told you about the studies that they'll put like a baby in a room with someone, with some toys. And they'll either not tell the person the gender of the baby or tell them a gender, it might be true or not. People act different and choose different toys when they're interacting with the baby. And that's before they're even doing anything, they're already treating them differently.
SARAH: Exactly. I walked past, there's this store in the United States, it's for younger girls’ clothes, it's called Justice. I used to shop there all the time, I was a big fan of Justice. But I looked into the store today, I walked past it and I looked into the store. And everything in that store was some shade of –
KAYLA: Oh, the colors in there are ugh.
SARAH: Pink. Or bright orange, or purple. And if it's blue or green, it's going to be a lighter blue or lighter green. You're never going to have a forest green or a dark blue, because those are boy color colors. And it's also so stupid because until World War Two, pink actually was a "boy color".
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But then it became associated with gay people when they had the pink stars in the Holocaust.
KAYLA: Gay agenda.
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Gender-neutral names.
SARAH: I love.
KAYLA: I am a big fan of girls named Bobby and Freddy. And would I be mad at naming my kid Bobby or Freddy that's a girl? Never. But like, ugh. You know?
SARAH: Yeah, one of my favorite – I don't know if it's one of my favorites. A name that If, for some reason, I had a child –
KAYLA: Acquired a child.
SARAH: I might consider naming my kid this, I like the name Darcy, which I would probably use it for a boy, but I have heard of it being used for a girl.
KAYLA: I would almost prefer it for a girl, I think.
SARAH: I would prefer it for a boy.
KAYLA: What if I stole your baby’s name that you're never going to use?
SARAH: That'd be rude. I'm not telling you my other baby names because I don't want you to use them.
KAYLA: Damn it.
SARAH: I actually don't think you would want to use them.
KAYLA: Well, now I want to know.
SARAH: Anyway. Alright, queer agenda.
KAYLA: Queer agenda. You just hand your parents a book that explains pronouns, and you don't have to do it yourself. I was explaining to my parents they-them pronouns, and they took it well. My parents are really good about that stuff but it just took them a while. And my dad was like, what's that word that I've heard people use, ze? Some people use the pronoun ze. And he was like, why don't people just use that, it seems so much easier. And I was like, dad, it's not up to you what they use, they're going use "they" if they want to. And he was like; when I grew up, "they" was a singular thing. And I was like, first of all, the rule that “they” is a singular has always bugged me because I'd write a paper and my teacher would be like, no and I'd be like, fuck you.
SARAH: It's also not true. Because if you ever ask someone – So, say you're talking about the person who delivers your mail, and you don't know that person's gender. You are not going to say he or she lost my mail, you're going to say they lost my mail.
KAYLA: That's so true.
SARAH: It has been used as a singular forever, but haven't realized it. Also, so I fucking love Rick Riordan, I was reading the second Magnus Chase book. For those of you who don't know, Rick Riordan is an author, he writes books for –
KAYLA: He's an author who writes books.
SARAH: But the books he writes are like, they're not for people my age but they are. They're the kind of books where it's written where a middle schooler could read it, but if you're my age, you still fucking enjoy that shit.
KAYLA: Also, they started coming out when we were in middle school.
SARAH: But he writes books where it's based on mythology. But his books have become very – I mean, they've always kind of been really progressive, but it's really even more so. So, his Magnus Chase series, there's a character who is Muslim and hijabi, even though they’re living in a world with Norse gods, but she's still Muslim.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And there's a character in that story who – so in Norse mythology, and also just in history, they have these people who aren't necessarily male or female.
KAYLA: Yeah, I took a class on Norse mythology two semesters ago, and there is a big thing about people switching genders. It's a very common thing for the big gods to do.
SARAH: But also, these people are kind of looked down upon. So, there's this one character, Alex Fierro, that’s a fun name. Alex Fierro.
KAYLA: (yells) Fierro.
SARAH: But basically, this person is, I think it's called argr or something, whatever it is, where basically, their gender changes. And so, they were talking to the main character there and the main character asked them, there were like, why don't you use they pronouns? And Alex said, "Some days I feel like a he, some days I feel like a she. I don't feel like a they, it's one or the other." And so, you don't always know how to gender this person, which can be complicated.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But also –
KAYLA That's what they want.
SARAH: That's what Alex wants.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And also, it's interesting because – Spoilers if you haven't read book two of the Magnus Chase series and you plan on it, don't listen to this. They're a child of Loki and so it was assumed that Loki was Alex's dad, but Loki is Alex's mom.
KAYLA: Loki famously in several stories changes gender. Odin's horse with eight legs is the child of Loki, Loki is the mother of that horse.
SARAH: Exactly. And so, in the same way that Loki is a mother of that horse, Loki is the mother of Alex, which is fun and exciting.
KAYLA: It is fun and exciting. So, yeah, basically queer agenda, just people accepting and respecting people's pronouns.
SARAH: Wow, that's crazy.
KAYLA: Yeah, I know.
SARAH: Alright, one more queer agenda. What else? Suits for all women. I love suits, suits are good. I think we should have more suit options, like in stores.
KAYLA: Suits cheaper for everyone.
SARAH: That's true, suits cheaper for all people.
KAYLA: Clothes cheaper for all people. Do you know how much money I spend on clothes today?
SARAH: A lot.
KAYLA: It was sad.
SARAH: Same.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: Yeah, I think –
KAYLA: Oh, gay agenda, safe club, and bar spaces. I've been seeing a lot online recently controversy over women, straight women being in gay bars and some people being really for it; they need a safe space. And other people being like, no, it's not a space for them. I’ve seen a lot of controversy recently.
SARAH: Yeah, there's a lot of controversy.
KAYLA: So, basically a safe space for everyone.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That's my agenda.
SARAH: Big fan of that agenda. What's the poll this week?
KAYLA: No, absolutely not.
SARAH: She's not ready. We should do what's the number one thing on your queer agenda?
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: What's the thing you want to address first?
KAYLA: Are we giving them options or is it open?
SARAH: Oh yeah, we're going to give them options.
KAYLA: Oh, so which of these –
SARAH: Number one is ice cream sandwiches.
KAYLA: Ice cream sandwiches every day. I don't think we can fit that so I'll just put ice cream sandwiches.
SARAH: Yeah, number two is clothes. Can we not gender our clothes, please?
KAYLA: Gender neutral clothes.
SARAH: Gender neutral clothes. Number three is just respecting people's goddamn pronouns.
KAYLA: I don't I can fit that in an option. but I'll work on it
SARAH: Yeah, respecting people's goddamn pronouns. Oh, sorry, I just thought of another gay agenda thing.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And I just forgot it again. (laughs)
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: I have not taken my ADHD medicine.
KAYLA: I was going to ask if you took your meds today.
SARAH: Oh, gay agenda or queer agenda, not having an obligation to come out.
KAYLA: I just thought of another one.
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: Not having an obligation to shave, because we are women folk.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I was just looking at how gross my legs are. But are they gross or do I just think they are gross?
SARAH: No, you just think they are gross.
KAYLA: No, they really are gross.
(40:00)
SARAH: I would like – Because, straight people don't have to come out. Why should queer people have to come out?
KAYLA: My favorite is people that record videos of themselves coming out as straight to their parents. I think those are the funniest things.
SARAH: Yeah, some people don't like that though because then it seems like people are just making a joke of coming out.
KAYLA: I mean, I can see why you would think that. I guess the way I always look at it is like, making fun of the fact that straight people don't have to come out.
SARAH: Making fun of how ridiculous it is that you have to come out.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's how I choose to see, but I guess there are other ways to see it.
SARAH: I would love to live in a world where your sexuality didn't matter, and if you wanted to define it, you could and if you didn't want to you didn't have to.
KAYLA: That's far too easy, Sarah.
SARAH: That's just not the world we live in. Can that be option four?
KAYLA: Sure. Can we just say the options?
SARAH: I forgot what it was, I forgot all the options.
KAYLA: Not having to come out. Okay.
SARAH: Number one, ice cream sandwiches. Number two, clothes. Number three, pronouns. Number four, coming out.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: Coolio. Cool beans. Cool.
KAYLA: Cool cool beans.
SARAH: Cool cool beans. Beans.
KAYLA: Sarah watched Hot Rock for the first time.
SARAH: I did. So that’s our poll, you can find that poll on our Twitter @soundsfakepod, you can also find us on Tumblr soundsfakepod.tumblr.com or you can email us soundsfakepod@gmail.com.
KAYLA: We would love to hear from you guys. We’re working on summer stuff, we’re starting so what topics you guys want to hear from us, because you guys don’t talk to us very often –
SARAH: And when we say we would love to hear from you, it’s not like an invitation, it’s a request.
KAYLA: It’s a request and a demand.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: I know we’ve also been gone for a month, so it makes sense that no one would be talking to us, but we’d love to hear what episodes you guys really liked, what things you’d like to hear.
SARAH: I want to know what your favorite things that we’ve done have been.
KAYLA: I don’t really know what you guys have liked.
SARAH: Because we know what we like to do, but we don’t really know what you like.
KAYLA: I also know what episodes have gotten the most numbers, but that doesn’t mean you liked them.
SARAH: That doesn’t necessarily mean anything.
KAYLA: So let us know, that’s a demand.
SARAH: Please. And if there’s anything that you want us to talk about that we haven’t, do let us know. There’s some stuff that was requested months ago that we are going to do, I promise.
KAYLA: Just haven’t done yet.
SARAH: But yeah, if you have anything that you want us to talk about, please let us know. Where can they listen?
KAYLA: Wherever you’re listening right now, plus iTunes, SoundCloud, Stitcher Radio, Castbox, literally anywhere you find your podcasts.
SARAH: We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. We’ve got patrons.
KAYLA: Woo.
SARAH: So for our $5 patrons we have Jennifer Smart, you can find her on YouTube by looking up Lehen Productions. We also have Asritha Vinnakota, you can find her on Instagram @asritha_v. We also have Drew Finney, you can find him on Twiiter @midwest_drew. Our $10 patron is Emma, you can find her on YouTube by looking up Emma T Fink. Thank you for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: Until then, take good care of your cows.