Ep 46: Smash or Pass, But Ace
SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA: And a demi straight girl (that’s me, Kayla.)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: Smash or pass, but ace.
BOTH: — Sounds fake, but okay.
*Intro music*
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: Here we are.
SARAH: Today’s a fun day.
KAYLA: It is a fun day. I’m very sleepy, but today’s a fun pod.
SARAH: Yeah, wake up.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: We’re recording later than we intended to because I got out of work late.
KAYLA: It is so late, and I had a wild day, okay?
SARAH: I’m sorry. Okay, it’s only 10.47 at night.
KAYLA: I told you I had a wild day, ma’am.
SARAH: Mmkay, anyway. So I don’t remember – I think I came up with this idea.
KAYLA: I think it was your idea.
SARAH: Where we play Smash or Pass which is, for those of you who don’t know, it’s basically a game where someone gives you a person, and you have to say if you would smash them, or if you would not smash them.
KAYLA: Smash means um, like sex.
SARAH: Fuck.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I was like, let’s do an ace version. So we were brainstorming names, and the one I decided on was Befriend or End. The question is, does end mean we have to kill them?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Or are we just terminating the friendship?
KAYLA: No, we have to kill them.
SARAH: We have to kill them? Oh man, that’s a curveball.
KAYLA: Yeah, which makes it even harder.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: So you have to either be friends with them, or kill them.
SARAH: Oh my God, that’s so sad.
KAYLA: Makes it harder.
SARAH: Okay, so me and Kayla each came up with a list of 15 people for the other person. We also had some suggestions, because we tweeted about it, we had a couple of suggestions so we have those mixed in. We found out just a couple of minutes ago that we went about this very differently.
KAYLA: We did.
SARAH: I gave Kayla – So what I tried to do was I tried to give Kayla people who I thought she might know of, but wouldn’t know that much about. She might know some things about them, but she wouldn’t be a stan. And I gave her all perfectly normal people who you would probably want to befriend, and then I gave her a couple of people who were recommended and who I might not know as well.
KAYLA: And I didn’t –
SARAH: That is not what Kayla did.
KAYLA: I have a healthy dose of fuckery in there. Some people that you probably, you know but don’t stan, and then some people that I know you like, in hopes it’ll be a good mix of fuckery and making it difficult for you to choose.
SARAH: See, I just decided to make it hard for the whole thing, with no fuckery. For once in my life, I’m not the one who brought the fuckery.
KAYLA: (laughing) Mine has a lot of fuckery.
SARAH: I also, you’re welcome, did not include Iain De Caestecker, I did not include – What else didn’t I include? All of the people I’m obsessed with, super obsessed with that Kayla knows about, I didn’t include. I didn’t include Sebastian Stan. I didn’t include Saoirse Ronan, you’re welcome. I didn’t include Barrett Wilbert Weed.
KAYLA: I love her.
SARAH: She’s amazing. Definitely befriend. But yeah, so I tried to – I don’t know. Maybe it’ll be interesting, I guess.
KAYLA: We’ll see what happens.
SARAH: But we did make a rule where, so we each have 15, we each have to end 7 of them, so we have to end 7 and befriend 8, or we can end all of them I guess, if we want to.
KAYLA: I guess.
SARAH: I don’t think we have a maximum number of ends.
KAYLA: I guess so, f you’re feeling savage.
SARAH: But you can’t end all of them.
KAYLA: I think we should keep hard so you have to end 8 and you have to friend 7.
SARAH: I thought it was you end 7 and you friend 8?
KAYLA: Whatever.
SARAH: Alright, so let’s go. The first page of my doc says in very large letters, “Kayla, these are secrets, don’t look at them”.
KAYLA: I didn’t look at them.
SARAH: So that when it came up on the drive, she wouldn’t see any spoilers. Kayla neglected to do that –
KAYLA: Well I have my drive set up where you don’t see previews of them.
SARAH: Oh, mine is set up where you do see previews.
KAYLA: Well, there you go. I do have all of mine – There’s two per page on mine, so make sure you scroll carefully.
SARAH: Okay, I have one per page. You’re welcome. I planned way better.
KAYLA: I did plan, you have two per page spaced very large apart from each other, so just don’t scroll past where you’re at.
SARAH: I like how this first one doesn’t have a picture.
KAYLA: Well, it’s because I couldn’t save the gif, so you have to go to our DMs and look at the gif.
SARAH: Oh my God. Well, luckily I know who that is.
KAYLA: Well.
SARAH: Alright, I guess I’m going first then. The first one is Katie McGrath who was a submission, apparently. I don’t know much about who she is as a person, the things –
KAYLA: She’s Irish.
SARAH: Yeah, she is. The things she’s acted in, I have enjoyed.
KAYLA: She’s in Supergirl right now.
SARAH: She is in Supergirl right now. She was also on Merlin. TBT to that show, people on Tumblr used to love that show.
KAYLA: They did.
SARAH: See, here’s the problem with having a minimum and a maximum, is I can’t always decide right away.
KAYLA: Well I would just say first reaction what you would do, and then we’ll have to –
SARAH: I would say tentatively we’re going to befriend, but she’s probably on the list of people I might knock off the befriend list, you know?
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Alright, your first one. Go.
KAYLA: Alright, my first one is Oscar Isaac. Ugh, my dad.
SARAH: (laughs) He’s my father.
KAYLA: I mean, so Oscar Isaac, I know him from Star Wars.
SARAH: Mmhmm. He’s also in Ex Machina.
KAYLA: I don’t know what that is.
SARAH: And Inside Llewyn Davis.
KAYLA: I don’t know any of these.
SARAH: And some other stuff. You don’t know what Ex Machina –
KAYLA: No. I would –
SARAH: Also hold on, hold on. Can I make a note?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: When I chose the pictures, I was trying to choose pictures that were good pictures, but also it was hard because I wanted to choose pictures that I kind of wanted to represent who they are a little bit in the picture, but I also –
KAYLA: You thought about this way too much.
SARAH: I thought about it a lot, Kayla. But also you don’t want to be like –
KAYLA: I don’t have time to think about it this much, I have a job.
SARAH: So do I. I work more hours a week than you do, and I don’t get paid.
KAYLA: Yeah, well it seems like you’re thinking about things a lot.
SARAH: Anyway, I wanted it to be representative but not too spoilery. I don’t want to sway you too much so that’s how I made my picture choices. Clearly I care more about this podcast than Kayla because I’ve thought more about this.
KAYLA: I’m sorry, who wrote a sappy tweet today? Was it you?
SARAH: You, because it’s your job to write the sappy tweets.
KAYLA: Um, excuse me. I wrote a personal one too, and that is not my job.
SARAH: It doesn’t matter anyway. Are you befriending or ending Oscar Isaac?
KAYLA: First reaction will be to befriend.
SARAH: Okay. My next one is fucking Elon Musk.
KAYLA: (laughs)
SARAH: Which is –
KAYLA: Okay, when we decided to do this and I was thinking about people, he’s the first person I thought of.
SARAH: He was the first person you thought of?
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Why? Have you seen the French Elon Musk Twitter?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Oh, it’s so funny. If you’re not familiar guys, please look it up. I’m ending Elon Musk.
KAYLA: (laughs) Explain who Elon Musk is, I put descriptors of people.
SARAH: You put descriptors? See, I wasn’t going to give you that kind of information.
KAYLA: Well, some of these people I really don’t know how well you know them.
SARAH: Mine, if you don’t know them, I’ll just explain. Elon Musk, he is the SpaceX guy, he’s really, really, really, really rich. He’s the one who sent a Tesla into space just for fun.
KAYLA: Yeah, he’s the Tesla guy.
SARAH: He’s the Tesla SpaceX guy, he’s just super rich, he does weird things because he has a lot of money.
KAYLA: He gets very mad on Twitter a lot.
SARAH: He gets so mad. He and Hank Green got into an argument on Twitter a couple of weeks ago.
KAYLA: He is feisty on there.
SARAH: He’s a lot.
KAYLA: He is.
SARAH: Also he donated some money to some Republican people, we recently found out, but he’s outwardly progressive. We’re ending Elon Musk. Sorry Elon, you have a lot of money and maybe we’ll give it to other people now.
KAYLA: Yeah, I figured that would be an end, I just think it was funny.
SARAH: Alright, your next one.
KAYLA: This is Josh Dylan.
(10:00)
SARAH: Do you know who he is?
KAYLA: He was Bill in the newest Mamma Mia.
SARAH: He was. I added him because I had just watched Mamma Mia 2.
KAYLA: That’s very fair. Oh, I just remembered what my last one is. Anyway, his song in Mamma Mia 2 is my favorite one.
SARAH: I listened to it literally 55 and a half times last night.
KAYLA: Okay, but can we talk about the choreography when they do the foot thing?
SARAH: (excited) The feet, the feet.
KAYLA: Literally at that point I looked at our friend Miranda who I went with, and I was like, yes.
SARAH: The feet are iconic. I was home alone yesterday, which is really, really uncommon and I was listening, I was jamming, I was absolutely doing the feet, just saying.
KAYLA: You’ve got to do the feet.
SARAH: Got to do the feet. Also I think Young Bill is a highly under-rated character. The only person who appreciated Young Bill well enough was, what’s her name? Rosie?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: She appreciated him, as she should have. No one else did.
KAYLA: Okay. I feel like this podcast is going to be very confusing for a lot of people.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: But it’s fun for us, so. I would befriend him. I might even say I would friend him over Oscar Isaac because –
SARAH: Really?
KAYLA: Well I think he’s closer to our age?
SARAH: Oscar Isaac is like, 37.
KAYLA: Oscar Isaac is older, so if I’m actually going to be friends with him, you know?
SARAH: The only thing, he looks like a kind soul, but he has a single earring, and whenever people have a single earring, I’m like, okay, either you’re a little bit of a reformed bro, but like, British, because American bros don’t have ring earrings, if they’re going to have an earring it’s going to be a big old diamond.
KAYLA: That’s true.
SARAH: It’s really weird, but British chavs – I googled the word chav, I knew the word chav, I googled it to make sure it wasn’t offensive, I don’t think it’s offensive, I’m sorry if it is, I don’t mean it to be offensive. Anyway –
KAYLA: I’m very confused.
SARAH: He looks a bit like a reformed chav, who still holds on to a little bit of his chavvy heritage, or he’s a pirate.
KAYLA: I think he’s a pirate.
SARAH: He might be a pirate.
KAYLA: I’m into it.
SARAH: Alright, cool. So what’s your conclusion?
KAYLA: Friend, and if I had to, I’d pick him over Oscar Isaac.
SARAH: Okay, you need to be – Are you marking this down so you’ll remember?
KAYLA: I have a memory, so I’ll be fine.
SARAH: I don’t.
KAYLA: I know.
SARAH: Okay. Ewan McGregor. Oh, we’re befriending Ewan McGregor, are you kidding?
KAYLA: Do you like my note on it?
SARAH: Yes. So the only descriptor that Kayla wrote was “Most importantly, Moulin Rouge”. She didn’t even put anything else.
KAYLA: Oh, some of my descriptors, I can’t remember all of my descriptions, but I know some of them are very good.
SARAH: Amazing. Yeah, he did well on Rouge, he also played Obi-Wan Kenobi in the prequels –
KAYLA: Yeah, but less importantly.
SARAH: Listen, him as Obi-Wan Kenobi, big mood.
KAYLA: Big moo.
SARAH: Big moo-d.
KAYLA: Okay, so you’re friending him.
SARAH: So we’re befriending, yeah.
KAYLA: Who’s Jeff Ward?
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: I have no idea who this is.
SARAH: So I didn’t put Iain De Caestecker, but I did sneak a couple of Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. actors –
KAYLA: Does he actually play Ward?
SARAH: No, he doesn’t play Ward, that’s Brett Dalton.
KAYLA: Why would I know that?
SARAH: For fun.
KAYLA: Okay, well who is this?
SARAH: Just looking at him, before I tell you anything.
KAYLA: Oh he’s the – They all hate him, he’s Deke?
SARAH: He’s Deke, yeah.
KAYLA: Okay, I mean, I like that character from what I know of him.
SARAH: It’s also – I don’t want to sway your opinion before you make an opinion, I don’t want to talk about him.
KAYLA: Well, I don’t know him, so I’m not.
SARAH: (yells) That’s the point.
KAYLA: Okay, but I’m just saying –
SARAH: He plays Deke.
KAYLA: I know he plays Deke. I’m just saying –
SARAH: I can’t give you that much background about my personal opinion of him, it’ll sway your choice.
KAYLA: Either way, since I don’t know him I would have to end him, if it came down to it.
SARAH: Well that’s sad, because he looks very smiley in this picture.
KAYLA: He does, but this is what happens when you give me people I don’t know. Obviously I’m going to pick people I know.
SARAH: Well, he’s a gift.
KAYLA: That’s nice, but –
SARAH: I once saw him laugh in real life, and I cried. No, he’s very funny and the cast all jokingly hate him, which is really amusing. Apparently, he told a story once where apparently they have a group chat and they always give him shit in the group chat, and any time they’re like, oh we’re going to get dinner at whatever time, whatever place and he’ll be like, I’m in, and then he’ll get six responses of “Who is this?”
KAYLA: (laughs) Oh my God, that’s funny.
SARAH: Which is iconic.
KAYLA: That’s funny.
SARAH: That’s my story about Jeff Ward.
KAYLA: Well he sounds very nice but I don’t know him so if I had to, I would have to end him.
SARAH: Well, the point of this is that you don’t know all these people.
KAYLA: Well, then here we go.
SARAH: Oh my God, okay. My next one, I accidentally saw is Taylor Swift. Oh God, I accidentally saw the next one too, this is why you do one a page, Kayla.
KAYLA: I told you to scroll carefully, you bitch.
SARAH: I did. Kayla put no description for Taylor Swift.
KAYLA: You know who she is.
SARAH: I’m going to end Taylor Swift, I’m sorry.
KAYLA: I thought it would happen.
SARAH: I’m sorry, Swifties of the world.
KAYLA: Swifties. (laughs)
SARAH: She’s just like, I don’t hate her, but she’s done some things that I find to be problematic.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I’m not that into her music. Some of it’s good, but I don’t think she’s that good of a singer. She’s good at writing music, but you know.
KAYLA: Her shows look fun, they’re very theatrical-looking performances.
SARAH: Yeah, but also some of the – Hot take, her last album was bad.
KAYLA: There was some stuff I liked, but –
SARAH: Yeah, and some of the – The way she’s reacted to drama in the past has been really off-putting to me.
KAYLA: My thing with her is that on the day of the Women’s March, she tweeted “So happy so many women are out” and she didn’t do anything or give any money to anything. So she’s just putting on a face that she’s a feminist and it’s like, you don’t even care.
SARAH: She’s kind of like, she’s a white feminist in a lot of ways, from what I understand. Yeah, we’re ending Taylor Swift, sorry. Alright, the next person for you was a submission.
KAYLA: I don’t know who this is.
SARAH: I don’t either. This is Lynn Gunn from the band PVRIS (pronounced Paris).
KAYLA: Well, that’s not spelled right.
SARAH: Well, that is how it’s spelt, it’s PVRIS.
KAYLA: She looks nice.
SARAH: She reminds me of Natalie Dormer.
KAYLA: Who’s that?
SARAH: She was in that thing, and then the other one and then the other one.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: She was in – Is she in Game of Thrones or was she in – (typing) We’re looking it up. Yeah, she’s in Game of Thrones. She plays Marjorie Tyrell.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: She was also in Mockingjay.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: She was the one with the shaved head and she had a small cameo in Captain America: The First Avenger. But this is not Natalie Dormer, this is Lynn Gunn.
KAYLA: Well again, since I don’t know her, I’m going to say end.
SARAH: Kayla, you’re the worst.
KAYLA: What do you want me to do?
SARAH: You can’t just end everyone you don’t know that well.
KAYLA: I’m giving you first reactions, I haven’t seen the whole list.
SARAH: Oh my God, okay. Moving on, the next one is a Serbian pro tennis player named –
KAYLA: Um, it’s Novak Djokovic. Learn your tennis.
SARAH: I don’t know my tennis.
KAYLA: Have you never heard of Novak Djokovic?
SARAH: I mean, he looks vaguely familiar to me.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: See, you can’t be mad at me. He looks like he is good at tennis.
KAYLA: He is.
SARAH: He looks tall. He looks like he might be not that good of a conversationalist, but he also might be a good conversationalist, he’s the kind of person where you just can’t tell.
KAYLA: He has a very serious face.
SARAH: Yeah, he has a serious face.
KAYLA: He’s also a pro athlete, so you know.
SARAH: We’ll just – What’s the correlation?
KAYLA: When pro athletes take their athlete pictures, they try to look all intense.
SARAH: Oh, they try and look serious, that makes sense. I think I’m going to say tentatively end, because I don’t speak Serbian, but he does look like a dude.
KAYLA: I would guess he can speak a bit of English.
SARAH: Well, I’m sure he can, but I don’t speak Serbian and I would feel bad about it.
KAYLA: That’s fair.
SARAH: Okay, next one.
KAYLA: My next one is –
SARAH: This was suggested by my roommate Phoebe, because I asked my roommates for help.
KAYLA: Oh, where would I know her from?
SARAH: She’s Lenny Kravitz’s daughter. This is Zoe Kravitz, by the way.
KAYLA: I swear she’s in something though.
SARAH: She is. She’s in a lot of things.
KAYLA: What’s she from?
SARAH: I don’t remember.
KAYLA: I’m going to look it up.
SARAH: (laughs) Yeah, do it. Yeah, she was in Divergent. She was in Fantastic Beasts, she’s in the next, she’s in Fantastic Beasts.
KAYLA: Oh well I mean if she –
SARAH: Dope, that movie that we – Oh, you weren’t there for that, sorry.
KAYLA: Oh. I see.
SARAH: Big Little Lies. No, I remember it from freshman year but it was actually from orientation, it was not from regular freshman year, so you weren’t there.
KAYLA: Oh she was in X-Men, that’s probably where I know her from.
SARAH: She was.
KAYLA: Well, I like Harry Potter and X-Man – Man? (laughs)
SARAH: Man.
KAYLA: And X-Men and such, so I’ll say tentatively friend, because those are things I’d like to –
SARAH: And I like Lenny Kravitz’s big scarf.
KAYLA: Who’s Lenny Kravitz?
SARAH: (indignant) Lenny Kravitz.
KAYLA: Oh, I recognize his face, okay.
SARAH: Oh my God. He’s the guy with the big scarf. He’s also done a lot of other things. He was in Hunger Games, wasn’t he?
(20:00)
KAYLA: I don’t know.
Sx; He was the make up guy.
KAYLA: Was that him?
SARAH: Am I mixing him up with somebody else?
KAYLA: I don’t know that that was him.
SARAH: It might not have been him, I might be mixing him up with someone.
KAYLA: Anyway, I will tentatively friend her, because those are some nice franchises.
SARAH: Okay, but now I want to know who that guy was. Stanley – He was Cinna, he did play Cinna in the Hunger Games.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: Alright, my next one is Brendon Urie. (laughs) The picture she used is a picture of him wearing his Kinky Boots boots, because he was in Kinky Boots for a little bit.
KAYLA: Yeah, I thought it was good.
SARAH: And the only description Kayla gave was “Sarah’s pan son”. Of course I’m going to say yes, Kayla, I stan him already. But yeah, for those of you who might not know, which like, what? He is the lead singer/now the only member of Panic! At The Disco. He is insanely talented and he recently came out as pansexual which is very exciting. And also, I think we mentioned this on the pod before, but he’s married to a woman and also pan, which is like, that can happen, world. Look at this example. So, that’s all.
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: His wife was from Michigan, I think. And her name is Sarah.
KAYLA: You’re his wife?
SARAH: Yeah, I’m his wife.
KAYLA: Wild.
SARAH: No, he’s wonderfully talented and does backtucks at every show.
KAYLA: Same.
SARAH: Yeah, I’m befriending him. You’re making this too easy so far.
KAYLA: It’s hard to make it hard and also have fuckery in there.
SARAH: Yeah, Well, that’s why I just made it hard.
KAYLA: Oh, I don’t know how to pronounce her first name.
SARAH: Letitia Wright
KAYLA: Okay, Letitia Wright, she played the sister in Black Panther.
SARAH: She played Shuri in Black Panther.
KAYLA: I mean, obviously I have to friend her.
SARAH: She’s amazing. She’s wonderful.
KAYLA: My queen, you know?
SARAH: Yeah. I’m also proud of that picture choice.
KAYLA: This is a picture, it’s a good one.
SARAH: I like that picture. It’s a good picture. We should post these pictures.
KAYLA: We should, I think it would be helpful.
SARAH: Okay. My next one is America Ferrera, I’ve been binge watching Superstore these last couple of days.
KAYLA: I know, that’s why I put it in there.
SARAH: And they’re starting filming soon, so they set up all their trailers and uhhhh. I work on the Universal backlot, for those of you who are confused.
KAYLA: (mocking) I’m Sarah, I work with famous people.
SARAH: America Ferrera, she’s so wonderful in Superstore, it’s a great show, please watch it.
KAYLA: Did you even read my description?
SARAH: It says “Works in a store that’s super”.
KAYLA: That’s funny.
SARAH: I think she’s great, I think I’m going to befriend her, I think she’s probably low, she’s probably lower on the list. She’s above Katie McGrath, but she’s lovely and wonderful, but I don’t know.
Alright, next one.
KAYLA: Next I have Ruth –
SARAH: (yells) Ruth Negga.
KAYLA: Negga. I don’t know who this is.
SARAH: Okay, well, she’s an Oscar winner, and she was on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., and that is a really great dress.
KAYLA: I do like her dress. What else has she done? Pitch me on this woman.
SARAH: (Typing) I’m trying to remember what she won the Oscar for. Loving, she won the Oscar for Loving.
KAYLA: I don’t know what that is.
SARAH: Okay. I think it was for Loving that she won the Oscar. She’s European – Not European, she’s Ethiopian-Irish.
KAYLA: I was going to say who isn’t European, at this point?
SARAH: She played Raina on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., she was in the TV show Preacher.
KAYLA: I don’t know what that is.
SARAH: She was in World War Z, apparently.
KAYLA: Cool, right.
SARAH: She’s a very good actress. She has an Oscar, and she’s Irish. Oh she didn’t win an Oscar? Maybe she didn’t win, but she was nominated for Loving.
KAYLA: What is that?
SARAH: It was a movie.
KAYLA: Oh, okay.
SARAH: Yeah. I just really love that dress.
KAYLA: It is a good dress.
SARAH: Anyway, that’s Ruth Negga. Kind of an unfortunate last name.
KAYLA: It’s not bad. Oh wait.
SARAH: Well, people will just read it wrong.
KAYLA: Yeah, that’s true. I mean, I’m going to put her in the middle, because I like her dress and I’m sure she’s a great actress but nothing’s standing out, you know. It’s not like she’s in a franchise that I’m really liking, you know what I’m saying?
SARAH: Uh, Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., obviously.
KAYLA: I like Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. peripherally, Sarah.
SARAH: (laughs) Okay. My next one is Ellen DeGeneres and we’re ending Ellen DeGeneres.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: Have you read my description?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: You should.
SARAH: Okay, so guys, don’t hate me. I don’t like Ellen DeGeneres, I know everyone loves Ellen DeGeneres, I don’t like her. I have a lot of opinions on this matter, and so, I have a lot of opinions and I don’t want to talk about all of them right now, but –
KAYLA: Have another episode about Ellen DeGeneres.
SARAH: (laughs) Listen, she’s done good things for women in comedy, but also no. One of the issues I have with [her] is she totally panders to her straight white woman, white mom audience but she’s gay, but she is constantly bringing all these shirtless men on and drooling over them, just because that’s her audience. So Kayla for the description for Ellen DeGeneres wrote “You know, the lesbian lady who drools all over hot men on her show which is like fine but also like, you don’t have to do that? You can act like a lesbian, you don’t have to pretend to be attracted to them, it’s okay”.
KAYLA: I mean, that’s how I feel.
SARAH: She also, she encourages her fans to worship her on the show, and it’s just stupid. Anyway, don’t come at me.
KAYLA: I don’t have as many things as you do, but the thing I wrote about is something to me, you know?
SARAH: I think I also just get annoyed with how much other people love her.
KAYLA: That’s fair.
SARAH: She has some really funny interviews and whatever, but also, stop.
KAYLA: I also think it’s hard because we were really young when she first came out as gay, and it was a really big deal when she came out.
SARAH: I’ve always really known her as being gay.
KAYLA: Right, because I know she was really influential when she did come out, because she was one of the first people that came out on TV, but that doesn’t really mean much to us anymore.
SARAH: Right, agree.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: Next.
KAYLA: Riz –
SARAH: (yells) Riz Ahmed.
KAYLA: Why do I know him? He was also on Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D., wasn’t he?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: He looks like he was.
SARAH: He was in Rogue One, and he was also in the “Immigrants, we get the job done” video, he raps in that.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: He’s the one who – You’ve seen the video, right?
KAYLA: I think so.
SARAH: He’s the one who has the black thing over his eyes, like anonymous?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That’s him. So he’s a British actor and rapper.
KAYLA: Yeah, so he was – Who was he in Rogue One? He was a pilot, right?
SARAH: I forgot, it started with T. He was the pilot who had the message for Jyn. He’s also, he’s a very good rapper. He’s British-Pakistani.
KAYLA: I mean I’ll friend him, I like Rogue One. I like rapping Hamilton.
SARAH: He played, oh, Bhodi Rook. There’s no T in that at all.
KAYLA: Absolutely not.
SARAH: (laughs) Yeah alright, cool. We’re friending Riz Ahmed, I agree, it’s a good call.
KAYLA: Thank you.
SARAH: Alright, my next one is Julie Andrews. We’re befriending Julie Andrews, it’s not in question.
KAYLA: My mom.
SARAH: Yeah, she just wrote “Mom”. For those of you who don’t know, Julie Andrews is a goddess –
KAYLA: Why wouldn’t you know? If you don’t know, maybe get out of here.
SARAH: Well, if people aren’t – If you don’t know, you probably do know, is the thing.
KAYLA: Everyone knows Julie Andrews.
SARAH: She plays Mary Poppins, she plays the Queen of Genovia in The Princess Diaries –
KAYLA: That’s true.
SARAH: Her two most iconic roles. She was also in the Sound of Music.
KAYLA: Um, those are not her two most iconic roles. The Sound of Music is very important and iconic.
SARAH: Yeah, sure. Okay. Julie Andrews is wonderful and she’s going to live forever. Knock on wood.
KAYLA: I hope so.
SARAH: Yeah, befriending Julie Andrews. I don’t know how many people I’ve befriended, but you know, it’s fine.
KAYLA: Oh, how do I – Natalia Cordova-Buckley.
SARAH: Natalia Cordova-Buckley.
KAYLA: How do I know her?
SARAH: (laughs) She’s only the third Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. cast member I’ve put on here.
KAYLA: Who does she play? Oh –
SARAH: She plays Yo-Yo.
KAYLA: The fast one.
SARAH: (laughs) I also just realized, so my document that I put this on, I wrote Sarah’s Super Secret Smash or Pass and I just looked and Kayla’s is called Kayla’s Moderately Secret Smash or Pass.
KAYLA: It’s funny.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I mean, I like her character, so she needs to get together with what’s his face already, you know what I’m saying?
SARAH: She’s been with him, Kayla.
KAYLA: Oh girl, I’m behind on my tea.
SARAH: (laughs) She’s been with him for a while.
KAYLA: I thought it was still an on-again, off-again situation?
SARAH: No, it’s never been on-again, off-again. They fight about things –
KAYLA: The Black guy?
SARAH: Yeah, Mack. I mean, they’ve had some arguments about some basic moral things that have been happening recently, but they haven’t broken up.
KAYLA: What the fuck? I thought they were never together. Who am I?
SARAH: No, they’ve been dating for a while.
KAYLA: Okay, well I’ll tentatively friend.
SARAH: Okay. Her hair is beautiful, her eyebrows are beautiful.
KAYLA: She does have good eyebrows.
(30:00)
SARAH: She’s beautiful, she’s like a very, very outspoken feminist, my only problem with her is that sometimes on Instagram, she’ll post pictures where the picture has text on it, but the text is in Spanish and I can’t read Spanish and because it is a picture, I cant Google Translate it.
KAYLA: Well, now you know how people feel when they don’t speak English, Sarah.
SARAH: Yep.
KAYLA: Alright.
SARAH: But yeah, she’s wonderful. Her voice is also weirdly husky, it’s weird.
KAYLA: She does have a husky voice.
SARAH: She does. Alright, next. Steve Harvey, fuck Steve Harvey. I don’t like Steve Harvey –
KAYLA: I know you don’t.
SARAH: Steve Harvey scares me, his mustache is creepy, he’s a creeper –
KAYLA: Well, did you like my description?
SARAH: She wrote – The description says “Mustache, Family Feud”. Um, I don’t like Family Feud that much.
KAYLA: It’s so funny, how do you not like Family Feud?
SARAH: On the Universal backlot there’s a huge, huge minimalist portrait of his face with the mustache on the side on the side of his building where he shoots. He’s a creeper, he’s a creeper, I’m just – If I were in the same room as him, I would stay out of arm’s length of him.
KAYLA: (laughing) My God.
SARAH: Also, there’s an ad I keep seeing, when I’m watching Superstore (laughs), it’s an ad for Ellen and Steve Harvey’s show, being back to back –
KAYLA: Oh man. You’re tortured.
SARAH: It’s like my personal torture, because the whole ad is he has this big old desk, and so Ellen on her show is like, here, I’ve got these for you and it’s a bunch of huge pencils, and I’m like Ellen, that’s not funny.
KAYLA: (laughs)
SARAH: Anyway –
KAYLA: Damn.
SARAH: I have opinions. (laughing) Alright, we’re ending Steve Harvey. Next –
KAYLA: Diego Luna. He’s also from Star Wars, right?
SARAH: He is. I didn’t intentionally pick two people from Rogue One, but I did. Diego Luna plays Cassian –
KAYLA: He’s the main guy.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I like him.
SARAH: I like him too. He loves Jabba the Hut.
KAYLA: Oh, hell yeah.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: I would friend him. I think I would friend him over the other Star Wars guy –
SARAH: Riz Ahmed?
KAYLA: Just because he’s a more prominent character, so I have more of a connection to him, I guess. Because I don’t know much about either of the actors.
SARAH: I think they both have really nice names.
KAYLA: It’s a good name.
SARAH: I think Riz Ahmed is a fun name, and I think Diego Luna’s a fun name. Imagine having the last name Luna, that’d be great. Imagine being named Luna Luna? That would be horrible. Also, they let him keep his own – He has a Mexican accent and they let him keep it for the movie, and it was so exciting.
KAYLA: That is exciting.
SARAH: Anyway, moving on. The next one is Queen Elizabeth the Second.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: Kayla chose a very nice picture, she’s wearing a bright blue, you know –
KAYLA: Queen outfit?
SARAH: Suit, as she does, with a big old blue hat. I like Queen Elizabeth, I’m going to say befriend, she’s mostly unproblematic.
KAYLA: She had some weird shit, back in the Diana days –
SARAH: She’s done some weird things. If I have to knock her off, I’ll knock her off.
KAYLA: Did she kill Diana? I don’t know, watch a conspiracy video about it. Maybe?
SARAH: (laughing) Oh my God.
KAYLA: Have you never heard these theories, ma’am?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: What? Oh she hated Diana.
SARAH: You think Queen – Well yeah, I know –
KAYLA: She hated Diana, there’s a whole thing about how she’s the reason that Diana died.
SARAH: God. Also, she should not have let what’s-his-face marry what’s-her-face.
KAYLA: Well, her son sucks.
SARAH: Yeah, I know, and she let him marry Camilla and she shouldn’t have.
KAYLA: Fuck Camilla, dude.
SARAH: I know. Anyway, we actually have a lot of opinions on the British monarchy. (laughs)
KAYLA: I think we have an okay amount of British listeners sometimes, so sorry, I don’t know.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: Charles, that’s her son’s name.
KAYLA: Yeah, fuck Charles. Fuck him.
SARAH: Charles of Wales? No –
KAYLA: I don’t know.
SARAH: The – William –
KAYLA: Wales?
SARAH: William and –
KAYLA: Kate.
SARAH: Yeah. They’re Wales.
KAYLA: Alright, sure.
SARAH: They have Wales. I don’t know, I could be wrong. Anyway, okay I’m befriending Queen Elizabeth.
KAYLA: (laughing) Elizabeth Olsen.
SARAH: Yeah, we –
KAYLA: So this is one of the Olsen twins.
SARAH: She is not an Olsen twin (laughs) that is so wrong.
KAYLA: Okay, she looks like an Olsen twin though.
SARAH: She’s their younger sister.
KAYLA: Oh, so she’s worse.
SARAH: Excuse you. I just realized I picked mostly Marvel actors. She plays Wanda Maximoff in the –
KAYLA: I know she does, but I stan the Olsen twins okay, their movies, their detective movies were –
SARAH: So you stan the Olsen twins but because you stan the Olsen twins, you won’t befriend Elizabeth Olsen?
KAYLA: I did not say that, I’m just telling you that if you’d put the Olsen twins on here, I’d have been hell yeah, their movies were bomb.
SARAH: (laughs)
She has great cheekbones.
KAYLA: She’s very pretty.
SARAH: She has great eyes.
KAYLA: I will tentatively befriend her, because of her relation to my queens, the Olsen Twins.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: Did you ever watch their movies as kids?
SARAH: I really, really liked Full House, and I saw that one movie.
KAYLA: They had movies like it was just the two of them and they were detectives and shit, and me and my cousins would watch them all the time. I stan.
SARAH: Alright. Next one is John Mulaney. Oh, we’re so befriending John Mulaney, he’s fucking funny.
KAYLA: I love John Mulaney.
SARAH: He’s funny, he’s my second favorite stand-up comedian.
KAYLA: Who’s your first favorite? Bo?
SARAH: Bo Burnham. I still haven’t seen Eighth Grade and I’m mad.
KAYLA: I haven’t either.
SARAH: That’s my beef of the week, this is a preview of my beef of the week.
KAYLA: I need to come up with one of those, oh man.
SARAH: Yeah, I tried to come up with one earlier but I didn’t, so I’m glad that came to me.
KAYLA: Wow, alright.
SARAH: He’s very funny, and as comedians go, he’s super unproblematic and the remotely problematic things he’s said, as time has gone on, he’s gotten much better.
KAYLA: For a comedian, he’s like an angel.
SARAH: Oh yeah, and I watched his specials the past couple of months –
KAYLA: They’re so good.
SARAH: In reverse order, from most recent to least recent, and I was like wow, he really did get less problematic over the years.
KAYLA: And also just funnier.
SARAH: Yeah, he’s a funny guy. And he’s a straight white guy –
KAYLA: He is, yes.
SARAH: He and Bo Burnham are both straight white guys who are funny without being problematic, it’s great. I hope this comment ages well.
KAYLA: (laughs) Oh no.
SARAH: Next one for you.
KAYLA: I have Josh Dun who again, looks very familiar. He’s in a band –
SARAH: He is.
KAYLA: Twen – Mmm –
SARAH: Yeah, no you’re right.
KAYLA: Twenty One Pilots?
SARAH: He’s in Twenty One Pilots. I was going to do Tyler Joseph who’s the other guy in Twenty One Pilots, but then I found this picture of Josh Dun and I thought it was an interesting picture, so I decided to do that instead.
KAYLA: I like Twenty One Pilots. Did they do – Is it Twenty One Pilots or am I dumb and it was someone else that did the one that’s like Blurryface?
SARAH: Blurryface? That’s them.
KAYLA: I like that song. It’s a good one. I would friend him.
SARAH: Yeah. I think this picture, because he looks a little like a fuckboy, who’s also a skater boy –
KAYLA: This picture screams 2008 to me.
SARAH: 2008, really? I mean, I don’t think this is a super recent picture, but it’s –
KAYLA: I get 2008 vibes, like the swoopy colored hair –
SARAH: He always has colored hair.
KAYLA: We look like we came from Hot Topic.
SARAH: (laughs) Yeah. Personal opinion, he’s the best drummer I’ve ever encountered.
KAYLA: Damn, okay.
SARAH: He’s very, very good.
KAYLA: Tea.
SARAH: Tea. Are you befriending or ending him?
KAYLA: I’ll friend him.
SARAH: Nice. If I’m not mistaken, he dated Demi Lovato for a while. Let me verify that. (Typing) No, he didn’t date Demi Lovato, he dated Debbie Ryan, which is a little less exciting. It makes sense that I got them mixed up, they came from the same thing.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Oh no, Debbie Ryan’s the one who’s in Insatiable, oh no.
KAYLA: Oh yeah.
SARAH: (sighs) There’s a really big billboard for that we often see by my house.
KAYLA: I do not understand who okayed that to happen.
SARAH: It’s just such a –
KAYLA: It got through that many people to become a show, and no one was like, I don’t know, maybe we shouldn’t do this.
SARAH: Maybe we shouldn’t do a thing where a fat girl becomes skinny, and then becomes popular just because she became skinny.
KAYLA: I know, I can’t.
SARAH: Yeah, it wasn’t Demi Lovato, he dated Debbie Ryan.
KAYLA: Well, yikes.
SARAH: Wait, so did you say befriend?
KAYLA: I said friend, yes.
SARAH: Okay, cool. Alright, next one. (angry) Kayla?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: You’re so rude.
KAYLA: (laughs)
SARAH: Okay, okay, so the next one is Iain De Caestecker, obviously I’m befriending Iain De Caestecker, I’m not a fucking idiot. But you know what she wrote? She didn’t write his name, she just took a picture and it’s him as Fitz from Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D. –
KAYLA: That’s what first came up, that’s what it was.
SARAH: It’s not even just him. But did you google his name, or did you google Fitz?
KAYLA: I googled Fitz, because at the time I couldn’t remember his name.
SARAH: She wrote “Got to be honest, idk his real name, I don’t remember. It starts with an E? Ian De Caster, not an E” but she spelled Iain wrong and she spelled De Caestecker wrong.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: It’s I-A-I-N, there’s an extra I in there.
(40:00)
KAYLA: Why the fuck would I know it had two?
SARAH: It’s the Scottish way.
KAYLA: Do I look Scottish?
SARAH: He’s Scottish.
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: If you think I’m not going to befriend Iain fucking De Caestecker, you’re fucking stupid.
KAYLA: I mean, I did think you would friend him.
SARAH: Alright, next. He’s my son, he’s my favorite person.
KAYLA: Okay, my next one is Jenna Coleman.
SARAH: Mmhmm.
KAYLA: I like her, she’s pretty.
SARAH: She is, she played Clara on Doctor Who.
KAYLA: I never watched any of that part of Doctor Who.
SARAH: Really? She’s my favorite companion.
KAYLA: Really?
SARAH: Yeah, she’s my favorite companion and Twelve was my favorite Doctor, which some people might be mad about.
KAYLA: To be honest, I started bingeing Doctor Who with my sister years ago when we were in high school, and then we got to the part where Rose goes away, and we just stopped watching because we just couldn’t do it.
SARAH: You just stopped, amazing. No, Clara’s great, she’s wonderful.
KAYLA: I would friend her, I think.
SARAH: She’s very pretty.
KAYLA: I want her clothes.
SARAH: I love her clothes, I love her face. She’s pretty short, which is exciting to me.
KAYLA: I’m short, that works.
SARAH: (laughing) Yeah, right. Cool, next. This is going to be a long episode, got to move faster. Lily James (laughs) Kayla wrote “Who I want to be when I grow up”
KAYLA: It’s true.
SARAH: Lily James is wonderful, and she chose the picture from Mamma Mia.
KAYLA: That’s when personally I think she looks the prettiest.
SARAH: Oh yeah, she looks amazing as Donna. I would befriend, but – She’s above Katie McGrath and she’s above whoever else.
KAYLA: Novak Djokovic?
SARAH: Is she above America Ferrera? No, she’s below America Ferrera.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: But she’s, but I’m still befriending her. We’ll just have to see what happens with the other numbers.
KAYLA: Oh girl.
SARAH: Alright, next.
KAYLA: (laughs)
My next one is Michael B Jordan. Can I make him my husband? Is that an option?
SARAH: Okay, I intentionally chose a picture of him wearing –
KAYLA: Wearing a shirt?
SARAH: A fun suit.
KAYLA: It is a fun suit.
SARAH: He’s wearing a floral suit, I really enjoy it when men wear exciting suits instead of just black suits.
KAYLA: I agree.
SARAH: If they wear brightly-colored suits, if they wear floral suits. Also, my boss says Michael B Jordan’s a really good hugger.
KAYLA: Well I want to be his friend then.
SARAH: Yeah, he’s a great hugger, apparently.
KAYLA: My boss also knows things like that.
SARAH: Hmm, yeah.
KAYLA: This is your last one.
SARAH: This is all of ABBA.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: This is four people.
KAYLA: I know, but they count as one so it’s okay.
SARAH: Okay, well honestly though, I don’t know that much about ABBA, other than Mamma Mia.
KAYLA: (laughs) I can’t believe you’re about to kill ABBA.
SARAH: I am.
BOTH: (laugh)
SARAH: I’m going to kill ABBA because here’s the thing. I mean, they’re not like super old, but they have lived very long and successful lives, you know.
KAYLA: Oh my God, you’re about to kill ABBA, dude.
SARAH: They’ve done good things. I’m sorry, Sweden.
KAYLA: After they just gave us Mamma Mia 2, you’re about to kill ABBA?
SARAH: Well, the songs they’d already come out with.
KAYLA: Yeah, but they helped.
SARAH: The two guys are executive producers and one of them did play the piano in the movie.
KAYLA: Oh my God, I can’t believe you just killed the entirety of ABBA and Sweden in one blow.
SARAH: I’m sorry, I just ended – Goodbye, Sweden. Just kidding, I know someone who’s Swedish, I don’t want to kill them.
KAYLA: Who is – Oh. Wait, who is this? Is he from Superstore?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay, so he plays Jonah in Superstore. I don’t –
SARAH: He was the bonus one.
KAYLA: I don’t like this picture.
SARAH: Why?
KAYLA: He looks – His mouth is too big in this picture, it makes him look creepy.
SARAH: I think that’s just the size of his mouth.
KAYLA: Well, it looks creepy.
SARAH: Oh, he was also – So he’s in Superstore now, he was also on Mad Men, and apparently his character did some really creepy things on Mad Men.
KAYLA: Oh good. He has the face for it.
SARAH: Something involving a nipple, I don’t know.
KAYLA: We love that.
SARAH: A nipple that was cut off.
KAYLA: Ew.
SARAH: He also had a pornstache.
KAYLA: Same.
SARAH: He has a child.
KAYLA: I just don’t – His face is creeping me out.
SARAH: Okay, that’s offensive, his face is beautiful.
KAYLA: Yeah, but usually, sure. In this picture, I’m scared.
SARAH: That’s weird. What’s wrong with you?
KAYLA: Everything.
SARAH: Okay. Alright, do I have one more or do I –
KAYLA: Nope, that’s all.
SARAH: That’s all, okay. So we need up our befriends and our ends.
KAYLA: We do.
SARAH: Alright, so I have – I’m ending Elon Musk, I’m ending Taylor Swift, I’m ending our Serbian pro tennis player, sorry bud, I don’t speak Serbian. I’m ending Ellen DeGeneres, I’m ending Steve Harvey, I’m ending – I only have to swap one person. Alright, sorry Katie McGrath. Or – No, I can’t kill the Queen, I’m sorry.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: You’re about to – Okay, but if you’re –
SARAH: She’s old, you know? She’s old.
KAYLA: Are you killing the Queen?
SARAH: No, I’m killing Katie McGrath.
KAYLA: Okay, but if your argument is you can kill ABBA because they’re old, why can’t you kill the Queen because she’s old? That bitch is like 90.
SARAH: Well, okay no, I mean ABBA I don’t know, I know more about the Queen than ABBA, so I’m more connected to the Queen.
KAYLA: Who’s songs – How many songs of the Queen’s can you name?
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: Fake fan.
SARAH: But also, if I killed the Queen, that would be a serious issue.
KAYLA: If you killed any of these people –
SARAH: (excited) Oh wait, I cannot kill the Queen, I do not want Charles to become King, that’s why I can’t kill her.
KAYLA: We do need to wait for Charles to die, that’s true.
SARAH: We need to wait for Charles to die before she can die, so sorry Katie McGrath.
KAYLA: Oh no. (laughing) For the state of England, we have to kill –
SARAH: The state? Oh I thought you meant state as in Michigan’s a state.
KAYLA: No, I’m not an idiot. Oh my God, beetch.
SARAH: Okay, so I’m killing very sorry, Katie McGrath, not sorry about killing Elon Musk, not really that sorry about killing Taylor Swift. I really shouldn’t say how sorry I am, people are going to get made at me. Serbian pro tennis player Novak – How do you say his last name?
KAYLA: Novak Djokavic.
SARAH: Djokavic. Yeah, he seems great, I just don’t speak Serbian and it would be hard to communicate, and I don’t play tennis well.
KAYLA: Okay, fair.
SARAH: Ending Ellen DeGeneres, ending Steve Harvey because he’s a creep, and unfortunately ending all of ABBA.
KAYLA: Savage.
SARAH: (laughs) And then we’re befriending Ewan McGregor, we’re befriending Brendon Urie, we’re befriending Julie Andrews, Queen Elizabeth, John Mulaney, Iain De Caestecker, Lily James. Did I skip anyone? America Ferrera? I said that, yeah.
KAYLA: Wow, there you go.
SARAH: That’s my final – You didn’t make it that hard on me, dude.
KAYLA: I know, because I had too many fuckeries I wanted to put in there.
SARAH: I know, I know.
KAYLA: But it was more fun that way, you know?
SARAH: Mmm okay. I have one bonus that came from my roommate, if you scroll down.
KAYLA: Another one?
SARAH: Yeah, it’s just a bonus that she suggested.
KAYLA: A bonus bonus?
SARAH: Just a single bonus. It’s Sabrina Jalees? I don’t know how to say it.
KAYLA: Don’t know who that is.
SARAH: I don’t really either. It’s a comedian that my roommates have started watching recently, which is why I put her as a bonus because I don’t know her that well.
KAYLA: Yeah, same, alright.
SARAH: She’s very funny, but she yells very suddenly a lot.
KAYLA: Same.
SARAH: And I already have you, so I don’t need more of that.
KAYLA: (laughs) Okay, bitch.
SARAH: (laughs) She’s very funny though, and she’s gay.
KAYLA: I too am funny and yell, so.
SARAH: That’s all. Alright, so what are your smashes and passes?
KAYLA: Okay, so I will friend –
SARAH: I’m sorry, befriending and ending.
KAYLA: I was going to say. I’ll be friending – So I get seven friends?
SARAH: No you get seven ends and eight friends.
KAYLA: Oh, okay. I don’t think you made this very hard either.
SARAH: Sorry.
KAYLA: I’m friending Oscar Isaac, Josh Dylan, Zoe Kravitz, Letitia Wright, Josh Dun, Jenna Coleman, Michael B Jordan –
SARAH: What about Lizzie Olsen?
KAYLA: And (mumbles) Olsen, yeah those are my eight.
SARAH: (mumbles) Olsen, that’s my favorite Olsen is (mumbles). (laughs)
KAYLA: Okay, so my friends are Oscar Isaac, Josh Dylan, Zoe Kravitz, Letitia Wright, Elizabeth Olsen, Josh Dun, Jenna Coleman, Michael B Jordan. And I’m killing Ben Feldman, because his face is creepy –
SARAH: (laughs) His face is beautiful.
KAYLA: In that picture it’s creepy. Diego Luna, Natalia –
SARAH: I thought you were picking Diego Luna over Riz Ahmed? Or did you have to end both of them?
KAYLA: I ended both of them.
SARAH: Oh, darn.
KAYLA: Diego Luna, Natalia Cordova-Buckley, Riz Ahmed, Ruth Negga –
SARAH: You killed the entire cast of Agents – Every single Agent of S.H.I.E.L.D. I gave you, you killed.
KAYLA: Lynn Gunn, Jeff Ward – (laughs) Maybe you shouldn’t have done that.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: I killed all of Marvel.
SARAH: I can’t believe you –
KAYLA: I kept Elizabeth Olsen.
SARAH: You kept Letitia Wright.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I cannot believe you killed Jeff Ward, okay.
KAYLA: I’m sorry, you killed the entirety of ABBA.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: Without whom we would not have Mamma Mia 1 or 2.
SARAH: But we would still have them, they just wouldn’t be alive any more.
KAYLA: Oh my God, bitch. They are one of the most iconic bands ever and you’re just like, it’s fine, I’ll kill them? Oh my God, bitch.
SARAH: They’ve lived a good life.
KAYLA: Have they?
SARAH: And they don’t need to keep –
KAYLA: They all got divorced, Sarah. Have they?
SARAH: (laughs) So I’ve taken them out of their suffering.
KAYLA: Oh my God, beetch.
SARAH: (laughing) And I don’t have to keep them alive for the sake of the British monarchy, okay?
(50:00)
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: Oh my God, what’s our poll?
KAYLA: Okay, I think we should give them four people and you pick who you –
SARAH: Who would you most like to befriend?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Okay. Should we take each of our top two befriends?
KAYLA: Yeah,
SARAH: I want to say Iain De Caestecker, but no one’s going to know who he is.
KAYLA: Yeah, that’s true.
SARAH: I’m going to say Iain De Caestecker, because you need to find out who he is.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And you’re going to spell his name right.
KAYLA: I don’t know about that.
SARAH: I’m going to say Iain De Caestecker and for funzies, I’m going to say Julie Andrews.
KAYLA: I’m going to say –
SARAH: She’s going to win.
KAYLA: She is. I’m going to say Josh Dylan and for fucks, Elizabeth Olsen.
SARAH: Okay, so it’s going to be one name that everyone’s heard of, another name that some people have heard of, and two names that no one has heard of.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Cool. Um, what was my beef of the week? I forgot what it was.
KAYLA: You haven’t seen Eighth Grade yet.
SARAH: I haven’t seen Eighth Grade yet, yeah that’s my beef of the week. What’s your beef of the week?
KAYLA: My beef of the week is, (sighs) bitch, so my work friend went to the hospital today for emergency surgery because she had internal bleeding, and she went to the ER yesterday and was like, they did a bunch of tests and then just send her home, even though she still wasn’t okay, and then she had to go back and get surgery, obviously. And I’m like bitch, why did you send her home? Just do proper medical care.
SARAH: Sounds like when they sent Evan home.
KAYLA: So my beef of the week is when you go to the ER and they are not good.
SARAH: Yeah, that’s stupid. I have one related beef of the week which is that Movie Pass is going to go out of business.
KAYLA: It sure is, dude. Movie Pass is dying, hell.
SARAH: I have to capitalize while it’s still alive, you know.
KAYLA: You should, you should. I’m surprised it’s dying, I thought it was doing okay.
SARAH: I’m going to see three movies this weekend, I guess. Well, it’s a horrible business plan.
KAYLA: It is.
SARAH: Great for the user, horrible for the company.
KAYLA: That’s fair.
SARAH: Anyway, you can find our poll/tell us your beef of the week on our Twitter, @soundsfakepod, you can also find us on Tumblr, soundsfakepod.tumblr.com. You can email us, soundsfakepod@gmail.com, we have an email at – Nope. We do, I mean, we do. We also have a website, it’s somewhere.
KAYLA: It’s down below. There’s a survey on it, you should take it.
SARAH: Okay. Where can they listen? No, we stopped asking that three weeks ago. They know where they can listen. Not Spotify.
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: But give us a review or something. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. Please give us your money so we can have better audio.
Our $2 patrons are Sara Jones and Keith McBlaine. Our $5 dollar [patrons] are Jennifer Smart, Asritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Drew Finney and Perry Fiero. Austin Le was the one who suggested the girl from PVRIS.
KAYLA: The person I don’t know.
SARAH: Sorry we ended her.
KAYLA: Sorry.
SARAH: Our $10 patrons are Emma Fink, you can find her on YouTube by looking up Emma T Fink, and Tristan Call who’d like to promote the DeviantArt and Tumblr @rationallyparanoid. Do we still have our survey going?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Yes, we have a survey. Answer it.
KAYLA: I just realized that every person that was a suggestion, we killed.
SARAH: Yeah, sorry guys.
KAYLA: Whoops.
SARAH: Oops. We have a survey, our audio’s bad, we know, but anything else you want to tell us. (laughs) You can find that on our Twitter and everywhere.
I hope you enjoyed this weird, weird episode, I sure did.
KAYLA: Yeah, this was fun.
SARAH: I would love to do this again. You know what we should do? We should do this again, but we should pick people that the other person stans, like all people –
KAYLA: Is that to make it super hard?
SARAH: To make it really, really hard so you have to kill your children.
KAYLA: What if we make it like, specifically everyone has to be queer too?
SARAH: Ooh, big mood. I also tried to pick a pretty racially diverse group of people, intentionally.
KAYLA: I just went for fuckery, you know?
SARAH: Okay, one of us is thinking more about –
KAYLA: I had a Serbian person, alright?
SARAH: (laughs) A single – Oh my God.
KAYLA: Anyway –
SARAH: Hold on, let me look.
KAYLA: I had America Ferrera, I had Steve Harvey.
SARAH: You had two people that were not white, and one of them was fucking Steve Harvey.
KAYLA: Serbian is not white, Sarah. Serbian is Serbian.
SARAH: Serbian’s still white.
Kx; Yeah, but it’s not like he’s not –
SARAH: It’s still white.
KAYLA: It’s not like it’s not diverse, he’s from a whole other country.
SARAH: Oh my God. Thank you for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of this absolute bullshittery in your ears.
KAYLA: Until then, take good care of your racially-diverse cows.