Ep 170: Romantic Activities To Do Alone
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SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA:… and a demi-straight girl (that’s me, Kayla)
SARAH: talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: romantic activities.
ALL: — Sounds fake, but okay.
KAYLA: My cats just had a Lion King moment.
SARAH: I really heard it.
KAYLA: Did you hear the scratching?
SARAH: Yeah I heard some noises.
KAYLA: Miss Gnocchi Fettuccine was on top of the couch scratching and being a little bitch and then Billie jumped up and they had a little nose sniff and no one screamed so that was good but then Gnocchi clawed her way backwards off the couch but there was a moment where Billie was just looking down at her and it was like we were all having a Lion King moment together.
SARAH: Well, on that note, welcome back to the pod.
KAYLA: M’araschino cherry.
SARAH: I could have sworn you’ve done that before.
KAYLA: Really?
SARAH: Yeah, maybe I’m totally making that up I don’t know.
KAYLA: Shocking to me but I guess.
SARAH: Lion King m’oment.
KAYLA: Okay. Sure.
SARAH: Kayla, before we dive in, if you’re listening to this the day it comes out, tomorrow, Monday, February 15th, something like that, we’re on the podcast Or, Learn Parkour. We talk about ADHD, we talk about mental health, we talk about how it interacts with asexuality a little bit. It’s an extremely chaotic time, but I think we had some good conversations, I enjoyed myself.
KAYLA: I had a lot of fun, it was like recording with three Sarahs. It was wild. It was a good time.
SARAH: So, hear us talk about things. Okay, so cool, Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week is our Valentine’s Day episode of the year.
SARAH: Valentine’s, Galentine’s, as one does.
KAYLA: In previous years, what have we done? We’ve done—
SARAH: Couldn’t tell you.
KAYLA: I couldn’t either, but I think most of the past three years we’ve done some sort of themed Valentine’s Day thing, and we didn’t want to do the same thing. So this year we are going to be discussing some of the “most romantic activities” that I guess people do for Valentine’s Day or whatever and we’re going to be talking about why those things would actually be better if—my cats would stop playing—
SARAH: Mm hmm.
KAYLA: It’s cute, I think in the past two days they have transferred from fighting to actually playing.
SARAH: That’s good.
KAYLA: But now they’re being loud during podcast time. We’ll talk about why these romantic activities would be better when done alone.
SARAH: Basically I was like, let’s take these traditionally romantic things and tell the world why actually they would be better when you do them by yourself.
KAYLA: Yes. I’m not saying that I will agree with all of the things we say because I am in a romantic relationship. I do like romantic things, but I will make a strong case nonetheless.
SARAH: Listen, I’m just saying that you don’t have to have that romantic relationship to have a good time doing these things.
KAYLA: It’s true.
SARAH: And some of them, I do believe, are objectively better when you’re not in a romantic situation. I will make that argument for some of them.
KAYLA: Let’s do it.
SARAH: So thanks for playing.
KAYLA: Can I first say, shocking to no one, I have not prepared for this at all except for a minute before we recorded, I looked up romantic activities and clicked the first link I saw. And do you want to know what number 2 on this list is? Also there’s no explanations.
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SARAH: Not a listicle, it’s just a list?
KAYLA: Some of them have a little paragraph, this one doesn’t. You have any guesses?
SARAH: Feeding someone a strawberry.
KAYLA: Planning your future.
SARAH: Ohh.
KAYLA: There is nothing romantic about planning your future.
SARAH: I think it could be romantic to imagine a potential future.
KAYLA: It is romantic to imagine a future. Planning a future is very stressful.
SARAH: You’re going to be like, realistically, how are we going to combine our financial assets? How are we going to be able to afford a house? Those kinds of things are not romantic to discuss.
KAYLA: Discussing, your job is here, my job is here, now what—is the furthest thing from romantic, I think of all time.
SARAH: I would agree. I really want an SUV and you really want a Sedan, what are we going to do now?
KAYLA: Or like, I want kids and you don’t?
SARAH: That’s a big one.
KAYLA: That’s not romantic, that’s just something you have to get through.
SARAH: It’s just difficult.
KAYLA: And work out, and probably not romantically. More in the business type fashion.
SARAH: I think what this list means is, “oh imagine we’re married, when we’re old and in rockin’ chairs.”
KAYLA: I’m going to send you the pictures because some of these have stock images accompanying them and I’m going to send you the picture that goes with this one. Because I just don’t quite understand how it works with planning your future. Cause these people look like they’re picking something off a menu perhaps.
SARAH: It does. Like are they looking at life insurance policies and smiling broadly?
KAYLA: In a hotel lobby at the concierge picking where they’re going to go to dinner, which is your short term future, I guess.
SARAH: Right. Anything’s in the future—
KAYLA: If it’s not right now.
SARAH: If it’s not right now, or in the past. Interesting. So, would you say planning your future alone is more romantic than with your romantic partner?
KAYLA: I think it’s certainly easier. Planning anything alone is easier than planning anything with more than one person because then you have to take everyone into account. That just goes for literally anything.
SARAH: Yeah and maybe you want someone to help you make the decision and in the end, it’s your decision. So, it’s yeah, I agree with you on that one. My first one is food because restaurants or whatever, people go to restaurants, they always go to fancy Italian restaurants for some reasons, that’s like romantic or whatever. I wouldn’t suggest you go to a restaurant right now unless you live in New Zealand. But, here’s why getting food by yourself is better than getting it with a romantic partner. First of all, you can go wherever you want. You don’t have to argue about, oh I want Mexican, I want Italian, or I want to sit down in a restaurant, I don’t want to. You don’t have to do that, you can just go wherever the hell you want to go. Follow up, you can get whatever the hell you want to get, which, if you’re with a romantic partner, they shouldn’t be telling you what to eat. That’s a big red flag. But you don’t have to worry about looking dumb if you want some chicken nuggies.
KAYLA: You don’t have to worry if you’re a sloppy spaghetti slurper.
SARAH: Exactly. You don’t have to worry about looking a fool when you inevitably spill something. I also think going by yourself, there’s more clarity because you already know who’s going to pay for it. There’s none of this, haha, am I getting a free meal or am I dropping a bunch of money on two meals right now? There’s no gender norms there. You’re one person and you know what to expect, and what to expect is you’re going to have to pay for your meal.
KAYLA: I think the biggest thing for me—the biggest reason I’m indecisive about where to eat if I’m eating with someone else is that I feel guilty if I choose and they say it’s fine but then they don’t actually think it’s fine, they’re just saying it’s fine cause I want to go there.
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SARAH: I’m a very difficult eater so for me finding a place that I agree upon can be difficult, especially it were the first time I’m getting a meal with this person, and they suggested sushi, I’d be like, I don’t eat sushi, and then they’d be like, well why don’t we get so and so, I can’t say no twice.
KAYLA: You can.
SARAH: You can but I would feel stupid about it.
KAYLA: That’s fair. See that’s the good thing about a college town. The staples of where to eat are fast food places.
SARAH: Or medium food like Panera or Chipotle.
KAYLA: Very general, not scary food. No one if you’re in college as a one-off was going to suggest one of the fancy downtown restaurants.
SARAH: No. Those are the places you go when your parents are in town and they’re paying.
KAYLA: One time though, I forget where it was, but Dean and his roommates would have family dinner with their whole big group of friends every other week and they would go to the nice restaurants cause they all just like food a lot. And one time we went to this Italian restaurant in Ann Arbor and there were ten of us and they were like, I’m so sorry you’re going to have to wait a couple minutes, we didn’t get your table cleared fast enough and we were like, okay we don’t give a shit, and they were like, well but we feel so bad we’re so sorry and the host guy was like, we’ll give you all a free drink and a free bottle of wine and we were like, kayy. So we all got free drinks and they gave us more than one very expensive bottle of wine and didn’t card all of us and 98% of us were legal but 2% of us were not and it did not matter to them apparently. It was incredible.
SARAH: That’s wild. I can see them doing that with real people who come in to eat there but if it’s clearly a big group of college kids—
KAYLA: We were not mad at all. We did not put—they were like you guys have to wait a couple minutes and we were like, okay. You know whatever, who just goes to a restaurant and walks right in even if you have a reservation. No one was pissed at all. If we had thrown a fit I would understand that. But then the guy who told us initially that we would get free drinks was like, I’m going to be their waiter and we were like, yeah. Cause we gave him a very big tip.
SARAH: Amazing, incredible.
KAYLA: It was the best day of our life.
SARAH: Where were we?
KAYLA: I don’t know. We were at a restaurant I think.
SARAH: Picky eating, I feel guilty.
KAYLA: Here’s the next thing that I would not want to do as a group. Couple’s massage. I understand this. And if Dean asked me I would probably say yes, even though my gut reaction is to be freaked out about it. But my gut reaction to a couple’s massage is that I would not like to be in the presence of more than just the person giving me the massage when I’m getting a massage you know? I’ve only gotten a professional massage once I think and I need to get more because my body is a disaster. But, you’re supposed to be completely relaxed and think about nothing and I think the notion of a couple’s massage is ooh so sexy cause you’re naked and being touched but I wouldn’t have to worry about how do I look right now if the point of a massage is total relaxation and almost meditation you know?
SARAH: I do not genuinely understand the appeal of couple’s massages or why that’s a thing.
KAYLA: I understand it I just think it goes against what the actual point of a massage is and turns it into something else.
SARAH: You know what would be more romantic?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Giving each other a massage.
KAYLA: I agree.
SARAH: That seems like a more romantic, sexier thing to do with your partner than to both just be laying there next to each other while someone else gives you a massage. How is that a partnered activity?
KAYLA: You’re not talking, you’re not looking at each other. Massages are supposed to be so relaxing you fall asleep. So why do I need to do it with someone else?
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SARAH: I don’t want to share that with you.
KAYLA: If there’s a discount—
SARAH: If there’s a discount, what the fuck, sure. I’m cheap.
KAYLA: I’m not saying I’m not going to do it, I think it makes it not a massage. Do you know what I mean? It takes away part of the appeal and point of a massage to have yourself be perceived during it.
SARAH: Yeah and I just think there’s nothing about it that’s a partnered activity.
KAYLA: I was going to say it’s like group meditation but I’ve done group meditation before and I actually disagree. Your energies can align and things like that.
SARAH: Group meditation is about the vibes. Massages are about the massages.
KAYLA: There are vibes that come with being in a quiet room and ocean noises.
SARAH: I have never gotten a massage.
KAYLA: Oh it’s so good.
SARAH: I used to be very afraid of them because I have so many back problems. To be fair when I did physical therapy, some of the stuff that she would do to my back was massage-y but obviously, it was in a physical therapy setting. But now I’m at the point where I’m like, I would do it, my body is so fucked up, I would just be like, hey just a warning.
KAYLA: It is very good.
SARAH: I would just be like, you can’t do this and I’ll tell you if it hurts.
KAYLA: That’s what they want. Professionals want to know. They ask you, is there anywhere you want me to focus on, blah blah blah. Anti couple’s massages as a romantic couple activity. I think it could be more of a friendship activity.
SARAH: Sure.
KAYLA: I’m not against it, I just don’t think it is what people think it is.
SARAH: I’m not saying don’t ever get a massage alongside someone, I’m just saying it’s not romantic to do so.
KAYLA: It’s perceived as this very very sexy sexy thing cause everyone’s naked and there’s lots of touching, but it’s someone else touching you. And maybe that is your thing. Maybe you’re into—whatever it’s called, watching someone—
SARAH: Voyeurism?
KAYLA: Cucking? Is that what it is? When you watch someone watch your person? And you like it?
SARAH: That sounds like a word that would be accurate here. But the point of a massage is not to stimulate.
KAYLA: It is to do the opposite. Anyway.
SARAH: It’s not—anyway, we’ve spent a long time talking about massages. You’re correct though. I think another thing that is traditionally romantic that are better when you do them by yourself is Netflix and chill. Okay?
KAYLA: Mmhmm.
SARAH: Here’s the thing. You can watch whatever you want. Again, you have total freedom, total freedom. No one is going to give you shit for wanting to watch a cheesy and possibly problematic 80’s rom-com, no one can say no to you saying I would like to marathon all of the Purge movies in reverse order. It doesn’t matter. You want to watch a series in a foreign language that your loved ones don’t speak, no worries, go ahead, put those foreign subtitles on, or just turn em off. Do you like subtitles generally do you not like subtitles generally, whatever works best for you, do you need to rewind to see that part again? Go for it. Do you need to occasionally rewind when you’re watching in another language to switch the subs back to English to make sure you understood it properly? No worries. No this is not based on personal experience what are you talking about? Also, no one’s trying to talk to you or distract you. Kayla talks through the TV shows and movies. If it is a TV show or movie I have seen before, or if it is a sporting event, that’s fine. If it is something that I’m trying to focus on and watch for the first time, I cannot handle it.
KAYLA: HEY!
SARAH: You talk through stuff.
KAYLA: I know, I have things to say.
SARAH: If you’re watching a movie with someone for the first time and you’re both watching it, maybe one or two short minor comments.
KAYLA: I have a lot of comments to make.
SARAH: Maybe. You can discuss afterwards. No one’s trying to talk to you or distract you, no one’s trying to stop you from watching the movie to do other things. I’m watching this movie. That’s all. I think it’s better to do it by yourself and maybe you can touch base later with someone else who’s also seen it. And discuss. You can still have that fruitful discussion but you’re not being bothered while you’re watching that’s all.
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KAYLA: Okay, another thing, and this is again, okay, the thing is cooking together. Me and Dean cook together often. It is fun. It’s a fun activity to do together, you’re like working together, it makes it faster than cooking alone. However, the things they show in movies of when you cook dinner together and you’re drinking red wine and ooh you sneak a little kiss and come up behind you and help you stir—that would just make it take so long to cook. And also when you’re cooking, things need to be done at a certain time. I don’t have time to just have sex with you in the middle of us cooking.
SARAH: You’ll burn the food. You want to ruin this lasagna I’ve spent so much time and effort making just because you want a little smoochum? No, smoochum later.
KAYLA: I don’t think it’s not a romantic activity. I just don’t think, again, it is not what people think it is.
SARAH: I think you both have to be equally committed to it. And you have to have the same level of commitment in terms of how much are we really trying to make a good meal here and how much are we just trying to fuck on the counter you know?
KAYLA: Yes because often when I’m cooking I’m hungry. And then I’ll start getting hangry cause the Kaszyca women are very hangry people. And also when Dean and I first moved to Louisiana, we lived in a hotel for a while and it was basically the tiniest studio apartment with the world’s smallest kitchen, yeah it was like a kitchenette, and it made me so mad for us to both be in the kitchen cause we’d be running into each other and getting in the way, and it was the least romantic thing ever. If you get too close to me while I’m doing anything frankly, stop. So.
SARAH: I’m cutting vegetables but I will knife you.
KAYLA: Yes. This is not something I’m not saying couples shouldn’t do together and it can be a fun couple’s activity, I just don’t think it is what you think it is.
SARAH: You have to be on the same page.
KAYLA: And sometimes it’s easier to cook alone you know?
SARAH: Depends what it is you know? And for me personally, as we mentioned, I’m a very picky eater and there are a few meals that I feel like I would be able to make with you that we would both enjoy.
KAYLA: I also just hate cooking, so to me, if someone was like, let’s do a romantic activity, what is very romantic for me is being cooked for while I sit there. That is peak romance to me.
SARAH: That’s what I was going to say was that for me, I don’t find joy in cooking. It’s not something I do for fun. And so it’s very possible that I would end up getting very frustrated at some point and the other person would be like—and when one person is highly frustrated and not in a sexy way, in like a “I’m angry” way—
KAYLA: Makes everything bad.
SARAH: Then it’s not romantic. So, yeah. I think traditionally romantic things, on the whole, Valentine’s Day. I think Valentine’s Day is better by yourself because there’s no pressure. There’s so much pressure on Valentine’s Day to do this, to do that. You don’t need to have a perfectly romantic date, you don’t have to fuck around with getting reservations somewhere. Imagine getting reservations somewhere for 2 people? I mean not in a pandemic, don’t do in a pandemic. But like I just feel like there’s so many expectations around Valentine’s Day and I‘m just so glad that I don’t have to fuck around with them.
KAYLA: That’s fair.
SARAH: If you’re not into those things you have to be actively anti-Valentine’s Day in your relationship because there’s so much pressure from the outside to be like, oh for Valentine’s Day, you should get them flowers. Fuck, what? I’m just glad I don’t have to stick my toes into that at all.
KAYLA: That’s fair, especially for newer couples there’s a lot of pressure. For me, I am not and have never been a huge Valentine’s Day person, I don’t look forward to it or I don’t think I demand much for it. What I will say is that this year, me and Dean have plans for Valentine’s Day and it was something we discussed because, because of pandemic there’s nothing to do and now that we live together and work in the same place we are always with each other, it’s not as exciting, it’s more like, your parents who have lived together and been married for 20 years.
SARAH: You have to put effort into it to make it a thing.
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KAYLA: Yeah Valentine’s Day was an excuse for us to be like okay, we should do something nice for us, you know?
SARAH: Mmhmm, yeah that’s fair. I just hate the expectation. What else is better by yourself?
KAYLA: I don’t know if this is traditionally romantic or a new thing but couples that work out together. I do not find it romantic. Maybe it is because yet again, working out is something I do not enjoy. And I understand the appeal of a gym buddy, that I do like. But the thought that it is romantic is not true and also there are a lot of types of workouts that like, do you really want someone you’re romantically interested in seeing you that way? So disgusting.
SARAH: What if you’re a powerlifter?
KAYLA: What if you’re a very sweaty person? And not in a sexy way? In a regular human way? That’s not sexy.
SARAH: Yeah. I also think too. I do think having a gym buddy is cool cause it keeps you accountable and it pushes you to work harder or do whatever cause there is someone else doing it with you. With that said, I don’t always know that that’s the best role for the person you’re dating to have. Especially if you’re not in a super established relationship. I think it would be different if it was a very established relationship, but if it’s not, then I feel like there’s a weird need to impress this person—
KAYLA: I could see so many arguments starting from oh you think I’m out of shape or fat or whatever.
SARAH: You think I’m weak or whatever. Also what if you have very different skill levels? That’s going to make it hard to work out with them to be quite honest. If it’s just lifting weights and you’re having to change the weights all the time, that’s annoying but if it’s fine. But if it’s like, I’m going to go on a run, and I can run for five minutes and they’re like, I’m going to run for an hour that’s not.
KAYLA: The type of couples working out that I’m thinking of is the type that fitness Instagram people do where the man is throwing the woman and—have you seen these videos?
SARAH: I think I know what you’re talking about yeah.
KAYLA: Where they’re both in their athletic clothes.
SARAH: Like matching athletic gear, branded.
KAYLA: The guy lifts up the woman and throws her up a wall, and she power lifts him up the wall and it’s a very choreographed sequence thing. It just does not appeal to me.
SARAH: Or the whole bunk bed thing where you do pushups and the other one grabs onto their ankles.
KAYLA: What I do like, I would love to be able to sit on someone while they do pushups. And just sit there for a while. That I think would be very fun. Does not have to be a romantic partner. I just think it would be fun.
SARAH: I would say I think it’s something that I would try and do for you but I don’t think my wrist is ever going to allow that kind of pressure.
KAYLA: I don’t know that your body is well enough.
SARAH: Also, if you were just sitting on my back, I’m a little about what my back would do if a person were just sitting on it.
KAYLA: I’m worried about your back and your wrist.
SARAH: Yeah I’m worried about both. So, I don’t think that’s going to happen for us but I hope that someday you have that opportunity.
KAYLA: Thank you.
(30:00)
SARAH: Another thing that’s traditionally romantic is buying someone jewelry. Now the reason I think this is better when you do them by yourself, yes it is going to be more expensive if you don’t have someone else to buy it for you, I understand that. But, if you’re buying it yourself, you don’t have to worry about them buying you something ugly and then you feeling guilty about it. If you don’t even like jewelry then great. You don’t have to worry about this. You don’t have to worry about someone buying you some ugly necklace that was really expensive and is expecting you to wear it being like oh why don’t you wear the necklace? Cause it’s ugly, Joseph.
KAYLA: Joseph? Uh oh.
SARAH: It’s ugly. I almost said John but that’s my dad’s name.
KAYLA: It’s also my dad’s name.
SARAH: My godfather’s name is Joe but he doesn’t ever go by Joseph so I just wanted a generic name. Listen, Josepha, you should know I’m not a big jewelry person. You’ve probably noticed this. If you haven’t noticed this you are bad at relationships.
KAYLA: Oop. Strong words.
SARAH: Be personal even. I’m difficult to shop for I’ve been told.
KAYLA: Yeah, I think that’s true.
SARAH: And if you buy me something that I don’t like, which has on many occasions happened, there are a couple specific people in my life who are well-meaning but you know, and then I feel guilty that they spent money on things that I don’t like and then I just have these things and that’s not conducive to a great relationship you know? If I want a nice lil necklace, I will pick it out and buy it myself. Or my sister and her girlfriend, they don’t have plans on getting married anytime soon even necessarily getting engaged anytime soon but they’ve looked at engagement rings just because they’re budgeting and they wanted to know what each of them would like, that way the other one knows what the other one is looking for and so if they end up deciding, oh I do want to surprise you with this ring, they can know exactly what to get.
KAYLA: This is something I’ve thought about recently because I think during Christmas there’s always more ads for engagement rings but videos on TikTok for engagement rings kept coming up during Christmas time and I kept seeing ones that I really liked. So I was like, what do I do with this information? Because what if someone gets me a ring that’s not what I want?
SARAH: Or like a lot of times rings are seen as like nice rings or giant fucking rocks. I don’t want a giant fucking rock on my finger.
KAYLA: Maybe I should give you this information.
SARAH: You did send me one.
KAYLA: I think I did. That’s my question. If Dean wanted to propose to me, would he ask anyone the ring I want or just assume that he knows?
SARAH: He better ask.
KAYLA: We’ve never talked about my preference in rings.
SARAH: If he doesn’t ask, you have to say no.
KAYLA: You’re so right.
SARAH: That’s how it works. If he doesn’t ask me about a ring—
KAYLA: That’s what I’m saying. If he doesn’t ask you, what does he think is—he can’t just assume? Anyway.
SARAH: No matter how well you know a person.
KAYLA: I have to wear that every dang day, I best be liking it.
SARAH: Also if you’re going to drop that much money on it, because engagement rings can be really expensive. Even the basic ones are very expensive.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: What else?
KAYLA: I’m just really going down this list on this website and finding things I disagree with. Read a book to each other.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: This for two reasons I can’t do. One, I have very fond memories of my dad reading my sister and I the entire Harry Potter series when we were young. So if my dad did it, that’s not romantic because that’s my dad and that’s weird. And two, if I am reading you a book I am not going to know what I am reading. If I am reading out loud I am not taking in the information. So then how do I know what’s going on?
SARAH: Kayla, imagine if you tried to read me a book neither of us would remember anything that happened.
(35:00)
KAYLA: It would be the most miserable experience ever.
SARAH: You would just be reading it out loud and not actually thinking about it and for me, I would have trouble internalizing it just with the auditory information.
KAYLA: And we’d both get bored.
SARAH: What if they read the dialogue in a weird voice you hate?
KAYLA: What if you start hating the book—they start reading the book and if I was reading the book myself I’d be like ehh I don’t know if I want to finish this book I don’t know if it’s worth my time but now because you’ve made it a whole activity, now you have to. No.
SARAH: Yeah. Also, like it depends on what kind of book it is. Some books it’s just like, I don’t want to read that with someone else. I want to have this as a thing I’m experiencing by myself and I want to have this moment with myself. Some stuff I wouldn’t necessarily be comfortable having a person reading to me or me reading to them if I’m not comfortable with that person. I could be very comfortable with that person. There's a certain, I don’t know, I think there’s a nice solitude about reading books. You can both read the book and talk about it. You don’t have to read it to each other, it would be much faster if you just both read the book and talked about it rather than reading it out loud.
KAYLA: I like audiobooks a lot but one of the reasons I like them is that the people reading the audiobooks have very nice voices and what are the chances that you’re dating someone with an audiobook voice? If I was dating someone with an audiobook voice, it might be different. I would have them read to me but I would not read to them. But also can I pause them the way I can pause an audiobook? No.
SARAH: Just boop them on the nose.
KAYLA: Can’t put them in my pocket.
SARAH: Yeah. Maybe you’re on a road trip, I can’t read you a book aloud in the car, cause I will get fucking carsick. So, yeah. Okay, I have one more that I wrote down.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: This one I actually had a little—I have two more. This one I had a little bit of trouble coming up with why it’s better by yourself.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And this one is flowers. Receiving flowers. And it took me a hot second to come up with a reason why it’s better. Obviously, they get you really ugly flowers. It’s clear that I have a lot of opinions on all these things. But I was thinking, what else is better about having them for yourself? If you accidentally kill them immediately, you don’t have to feel bad or lie about it and be like oh yes I love the flowers, they look wonderful on my windowsill. You can just be like, oops. I accidentally killed those flowers and move on. I don’t think giving someone flowers has to be a romantic thing, I think flowers are nice.
KAYLA: I agree. But what I will say is I like getting flowers randomly. Me and my coworkers have complained about this, cause one of my coworkers her love language is like, gifts and she likes when people, not just something big but like hey this thing reminded me of you, whatever.
SARAH: Here’s a toothpick I carved to look like you.
KAYLA: Yes. We were complaining on this call one time that she bought these flowers for herself and she was excited about it, like yeah my boyfriend never buys me flowers. And I was telling Dean I was talking shit about boyfriends in our call and I was like here are these super nice flowers she bought, they’re already dried so they last forever and so he took a picture of the url without prompting and I never received these?
SARAH: I think you have to sue.
KAYLA: I agree. I don’t think flowers have to be romantic inherently. But also do I want Dean to buy me flowers unprompted on a regular basis? Yes.
SARAH: But do you buy him flowers unprompted?
KAYLA: I don’t.
SARAH: Gender norms are dumb.
KAYLA: I don’t think he likes flowers though. I don’t know if I’ve ever asked him.
(40:00)
SARAH: Does he not like flowers because he’s indifferent about them or does he not like flowers because he was socialized as a man and men are not supposed to like flowers?
KAYLA: I don’t know, I don’t think he gets very bothered by that stuff. When we were picking up stuff for our house, there was this very pink flowery bedspread and I was like I’m assuming you don’t want that one, right? And he was like, I don’t give a shit. And the phone case he has, I think is very traditionally feminine, but he was very excited about it and thought it looked very good, so I don’t know how much he cares about that stuff. Or I don’t know his opinion on flowers to be honest.
SARAH: Wow, all that and you don’t even know his opinion on flowers.
KAYLA: I don’t know.
SARAH: I guess you have to get divorced.
KAYLA: I guess so.
SARAH: Do you have another one or would you like me to do my last one since I accidentally lied and said that I had one when I really had two?
KAYLA: This one is another one I found on a list that I don’t think is good with someone else? I don’t think this is good period. It says, turn your power off. No. “Act as if you don’t have power as the sun goes down. Light some candles and turn off your televisions and phone. Spend the evening in the glow of candlelight talking and spending quality time with each other instead of focusing on electronics?” What if I have to piss?
SARAH: Yeah here’s the thing, it would be one thing to be like, turn off your phone and light candles—they literally said turn your power off. What if it’s the middle of winter and I live in the midwest? I need my heat on.
KAYLA: This is assuming a lot of things.
SARAH: Or like, what if I require a medication that has to be refrigerated, you know?
KAYLA: If you do that for too long, your food’s going to go bad. Every time you open your fridge for your fun romantic snacks or whatever.
SARAH: Yeah, I understand what they’re going for, but I think the execution—
KAYLA: You don’t have to turn your whole power off.
SARAH: You don’t have to be like, well, let me call DTE and tell them to cut the fucking line. Oh man, yeah. Also, you can light candles and still have another light on.
KAYLA: Also watching TV can be romantic. Stop being like, turn off all your electronics.
SARAH: I think there are positives and negatives to us being very obsessed with electronics and I understand what they’re going for here.
KAYLA: I do, I just don’t think they should tell people to turn their whole power off.
SARAH: Yeah, don’t disconnect from the power grid entirely. What if you need to call 911?
KAYLA: Exactly.
SARAH: What then? What if your lover tries to kill you in the dark?
KAYLA: That could happen.
SARAH: You’ll end up on Dateline and then your TV won’t even be connected so you can’t even watch the episode. What’s the point?
KAYLA: You’re so right.
SARAH: My last one is, walking on a beach at sunset. I think it’s better when you do it by yourself because there’s no one there to throw you in the water. I think a lot of times it’s ooh haha I’m playing around, I’m going to throw you in the water, it’s going to be so funny and it’s actually just like, now I’m fucking cold and wet. Like that wasn’t actually really very fun. And if you are by yourself, no one can throw you in the water unless it’s a stranger.
KAYLA: My thing about being somewhere, anywhere by yourself, at sunset is what if you get attacked.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I feel like weird people hang out at beaches.
SARAH: That’s fair. I just think if I were by myself and someone tried to throw me into the water, I would punch them. But if you’re with a romantic partner, it’s maybe not the best thing to punt them. Maybe you should, I don’t know. I feel like if they’re really not getting your body language and reaction, then maybe you should punch them, dump them, and then walk home, I don’t know.
(45:00)
KAYLA: Yeah maybe you need to put boundaries beforehand of I’m not kidding, do not put me in the water.
SARAH: You have to know where the line is between, we’re kidding haha don’t but it would be fine if you did, you have to know the line between that and I will genuinely be mad at you if you do it. You have to be able to read them.
KAYLA: Yes, correct.
SARAH: Do you have anything to add?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Okay cool. Kayla, what’s our poll for this week?
KAYLA: What is a romantic activity that is actually better done alone?
SARAH: Netflix and chill. Valentine’s Day as well I think is a good one. Then do two of yours.
KAYLA: Couple’s massage.
SARAH: We spent a lot of time on that one.
KAYLA: We did. What else did I say? Cooking… What else did I talk about?
SARAH: I don’t know.
KAYLA: I’ll just say cooking.
SARAH: Wonderful. I was like, I feel like I need to wrap this up somehow but I don’t know how to wrap it up. Do these things yourself, test them out. Let us know.
KAYLA: Do them by yourself then do it with a partner and tell us which is better.
SARAH: But specifically a romantic partner, I think some of these things could be fun with someone in a platonic way. But we’re talking specifically romantic partners. Kayla, what’s your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: My beef is that yesterday I had to be like, I was on camera in meetings 7 hours of the day yesterday. It’s very exhausting having a personality for that many hours.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And I felt hungover all day today because of it. I have Zoom hangover. That’s my beef. My juice is that Sarah bought me a cow hat and it’s really good.
SARAH: It’s a fuzzy cow print bucket hat.
KAYLA: It’s very good. I wore it to several meetings today cause I just needed to.
SARAH: My beef and my juice are related. My beef and my juice are that I found out at about 11.30 today that I had to work a half-day today which meant I only had to work till 1. Juice, didn’t have to work all day. Beef, I had to shove all those things into that time. It’s now 3.30, I haven’t closed my email yet. There’s still stuff I’m waiting for people to answer me on.
KAYLA: They really need to tell you these things more than a couple hours in advance.
SARAH: I appreciate it—but also I think one of my bosses doesn’t know I’m not technically at work right now because they did just ask me to do something. So, I appreciate the time off. I don’t appreciate the lack of prior warning.
KAYLA: They’re not paying you a half-day are they?
SARAH: No, I’m just not getting my overtime today. But I still have to pay attention to my email and I’m going to have to do this thing that my boss asked me to do.
KAYLA: Rip.
SARAH: So, it happens to the best of us. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, the traditionally romantic things that you think are better when you do them by yourself on our social media @soundsfakepod. We have recently passed 5,000 followers on Twitter.
KAYLA: We did! It happened.
SARAH: Yay! Can’t believe Twitter doesn’t just pay us now. Thought that was how it worked. I guess not. Okay. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. We have a new $2 patron, it’s Strange Weather, the concept of strange weather is now a patron of this podcast, which I find to be delightful.
KAYLA: I appreciate that because strange weather was making me feel as though a lightning was going to strike me yesterday so I appreciate Strange Weather now saying sorry by giving us money.
SARAH: I love it when concepts and abstract thoughts become patrons.
KAYLA: It’s very nice.
SARAH: It’s nice yeah. So thank you to Strange Weather. Our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Asritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Perry Fiero, Dee, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, Bookmarvel, Changeling MX, Simona Sajmon, Jamie Jack, Jessica Shea, Ria Faustino, Daniel Walker, Livvy, Madeline Askew, Lily, James, Corinne, AliceIsInSpace, Skye Simpson, Brooke Siegel, Ashley W, Savannah Cozart, Harry Haston-Dougan, SOUP, Amanda Kyker, Vishakh, Jacob Weber, Rory, Amberle Istar, Rachel, Kate Costello, John, Ariel Laxo, Ellie, Tessa, MattiousT, Chris Lauretano, Sam, Kelly, Scott Ainsli, Orla Nieve Eisley, and Julianne. Our $15—nope $10– Our $10 patrons are Arcnes who would like to promote the Trevor Project, Benjamin Ybarra who would like to promote me playing D&D, anonymous who would like to promote Halloween, Sarah McCoy who would like to promote Podcast From Planet Weird, my Aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher’s Haven, Cassandra who would like to promote manifesting positivity, Doug Rice who would like to promote "Native" by Kaitlin Curtice, Maggie Capalbo who would like to promote their dogs Leia and Minnie, and also the fact that they’ve been posting pictures of their dogs in the Patrons-only channel of our Discord and that’s delightful.
KAYLA: It’s been a delight over there.
SARAH: Patron-exclusives from Maggie. Maggie would also like to promote H. Valdis who is our next patron. Purple Chickadee, who would like to promote figuring out one’s gender identity and the non-binary community, Barefoot Backpacker, who would like to promote the QuirkyAlone Movement, you did it Barefoot Backpacker, you came up with something to promote.
KAYLA: So proud of you.
SARAH: I’m so proud of him! The Steve who would like to promote Ecosia, Ari K. who would like to promote The Thought Slime segment The Eyeball Zone, Mattie who would like to promote The Union Series by T.H. Hernandez, Derek and Carissa who would like to promote the overthrow of heteronormativity, Andrew Hillum who would like to promote Loveless by Alice Osman, and also Aro Week. We got confused. So I’m just saying both again. Aaron who would like to promote free forehead kisses, and Khadir who would like to promote Gnocchi Feta Fettuccine as a wonderful name for any cat. Kayla’s cat or any cat generally. I hope soon there will be many, many four-legged creatures named Gnocchi Feta Fettuccine.
KAYLA: Why are you saying it like that?
SARAH: How did I say it?
KAYLA: No-chi?
SARAH: That’s not how I say it. How do you say it?
KAYLA: It’s Gnocchi. Like the pasta.
SARAH: Am I saying it with a ch? You’re right that is wrong.
KAYLA: Uh huh.
SARAH: Yeah cause I said the Gno part right so I was like what did I do wrong? It is Gnocchi. I put a chi in there for some reason.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I can’t vouch for that. I don’t know why I did that. It was wrong.
KAYLA: Thank you for understanding and apologizing.
SARAH: Not sure what happened there, it is Gnocchi. I don’t know why I put a chi in there. Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White - NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, my mom Julie who would like to promote Free Mom Hugs, Sara Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere, Andy A who would like to promote Being in unions and IWW, Martin Chiesel who would like to promote his podcast, Everyone’s Special and No One is, Leila, who would like to promote love is love applying to aro people, Shrubbery who would like to promote the Planet Earth, Dia Chappell who would like to promote their twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Sherronda J Brown, who didn’t have anything to promote so we’re promoting her and Dragonfly who would like to promote just mispronouncing Gnocchi but not in the way people expect you to but in a different way. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cow hat.