Ep 20: Porn
SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA: And a straight girl (that’s me, Kayla)
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: porn.
BOTH: — Sounds fake, but okay.
*Intro music*
KAYLA: Well, we’re back at it again, and you’ve ruined my search history –
SARAH: Again.
KAYLA: For another week running. You’re welcome, everyone. So I think that this topic got on our list of ideas because a while back, I was talking to – I’m assuming I was talking to my ex-boyfriend about this.
SARAH: Probably.
KAYLA: At the time when we were dating, which makes it not weird. I don’t know who else I would talk to about this, but I was mentioning how I had never watched porn, because I have not. Have you?
SARAH: Not voluntarily.
KAYLA: Yeah, I have accidentally seen things on Tumblr, but I’ve never –
SARAH: Whenever I see any videos, I get very afraid.
KAYLA: I’ve never seen a video pop up on Tumblr, just pictures.
SARAH: Oh, I have.
KAYLA: Really? I’ve seen gifs and pictures, but that’s it.
SARAH: I have.
KAYLA: Wild. I’ve never thought about that, I’ve never intentionally watched porn. My boyfriend at the time was like, wow that takes so much self-control, and I thought about it and I was like, you know it doesn’t, because I’ve just never wanted to. It’s never crossed my mind to be like, oh, that’s something I want to do. I feel like for a lot of people, it’s something you do when you’re a teen and you secretly look it up, or you and your friends are talking about it and you look it up. I never even heard porn talked about in school really –
SARAH: Same.
KAYLA: No one was ever talking about it. I watched Friends a lot growing up, when I was ten I watched every episode of Friends, and there’s a lot of jokes about porn. Even then, I was like, I don’t know. So I think that’s why this is on the list because I was thinking of, you know, all that.
SARAH: I guess I sort of understand why someone would want to watch it. For me, it makes me feel icky.
KAYLA: I understand why it works, and the appeal.
SARAH: But also for me, stuff that’s more sensual I feel like I can understand better than stuff that’s just very explicit. Here’s a dick that is –
KAYLA: Well yeah, but I think that would also depend on what your sexual preference is, what you’re into. Because I would assume that you watch porn that meets your kinks, for lack of a better word. So I mean, same, but that’s also because that’s not the kind of sex I like, personally.
SARAH: When you’re on Tumblr, you will eventually run across – Two things you will run across on Tumblr whether you try to or not: porn and K-pop.
KAYLA: Really? I haven’t seen much K-pop recently.
SARAH: Oh I’ve had a lot.
KAYLA: I haven’t been on much, recently.
SARAH: I’ve had several people I follow that have just turned into K-pop blogs and I respect that, but I’m just not –
KAYLA: Clearly you’re not interested.
SARAH: But sometimes you just see pictures that are just of a vagina.
KAYLA: Oh my God, yeah.
SARAH: And I’m like, what? Why? I feel like this is pretty closely related to our dick pics episode, which was our very first episode.
KAYLA: This is. But I think dick pics as a whole aren’t generally accepted, but porn definitely is like –
SARAH: Depending on the group that you’re talking about.
KAYLA: I’m talking about society as a whole, dick pics are generally seen as like, eh -
SARAH: What are you doing?
KAYLA: And porn is like, yeah.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I mean, I think we probably have a different perspective on it than older people because we’ve grown up on the internet, and before the internet you would have to get DVDs from the adult store.
SARAH: Or magazines.
KAYLA: I think we just have so much more access.
SARAH: It’s so much easier to access now, and you can access it for free.
KAYLA: So I have some stats from 2016. Don’t look, it’s a secret.
SARAH: Sorry, I’m not really reading them.
KAYLA: So Pornhub I feel is probably the most popular porn site.
SARAH: I would be shocked to find out that it wasn’t.
KAYLA: That’s what I’ve heard as well. But in 2016 alone, there were 23 billion visits to Pornhub.
SARAH: That’s a lot.
KAYLA: That’s 729 people a second, or 64 million people a day. That’s nearly equal to the population of the United Kingdom.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: Yeah. There were over 91 billion videos watched in 2016 –
SARAH: Like 91 billion views? Not 91 billion videos.
KAYLA: It says 91 billion videos were watched. I don’t know what they mean by that. That’s 12.5 videos for every person on Earth. 4 billion hours of porn were watched in the year. That’s over 5000 centuries.
SARAH: What the fuck?
KAYLA: And the most popular search term in 2015 and 2016 was step-mom.
SARAH: What the fuck?
KAYLA: Yes. So what’s interesting about these stats is that the website they’re from, we’ll put these links on our Patreon open to anyone, as always. This website is called Fight the New Drug, so this is actually an anti-porn website that sees it as an addiction or a drug. And so they’re campaigning, there’s like, shirts: “Friends don’t let friends watch porn”, “#fightthenewdrug”.
SARAH: That’s interesting.
KAYLA: So it’s a campaign, you can buy shirts.
SARAH: “Porn kills love”. Dear God.
KAYLA: Yeah. It’s interesting.
SARAH: Conservative.
KAYLA: It is very conservative, and we’ll get more into this in the episode, but I don’t personally have a desire to watch porn, but I don’t have a big issue with it.
SARAH: As long as it is produced in a way that is not harmful to the parties involved.
KAYLA: And we’ll talk a bit more about the producing of porn later in the episode but I agree, as long as it’s not shady –
SARAH: Because I know there are definitely some issues in the production of porn where the actors, especially women, are forced into things that they’re not comfortable with, or they’re just put on the spot to be forced to do things that weren’t previously discussed, that sort of thing.
KAYLA: Definitely. So as long as it’s not that, I don’t have an issue with it inherently.
SARAH: If people are going to post a video of themselves –
KAYLA: That’s their business, I don’t know. That’s your business, I’m not going to watch it but post whatever you want.
SARAH: I just think it’s an interesting thought that there are two very different camps on porn, because you have this idea which, neither of us really heard anything about it but you hear about boys in middle school where it’s like, if you’re not watching porn –
KAYLA: Yeah, I had another conversation with a friend who was talking about, for some reason – I guess I talk about porn with several people. He was talking about how he didn’t really like watching porn but when he was in middle school, his friends were making fun of him for not watching it, so then he started watching it but he was like, I don’t really –
SARAH: Even though there was no – How could he even prove to his friends that he was watching it?
KAYLA: I don’t know, you just – It’s middle school, you know? It’s just all about your reputation or whatever. But it’s so interesting that – It gets more into how a lot of people think that men watch porn way more than women and how it’s normal for men to watch porn, or in fact even necessary that they do or you’re an outcast, but for a woman to watch porn it’s weird.
SARAH: And plenty of women watch porn but a lot of times, guys are so surprised when they find that out.
KAYLA: They’re like, wow, you’re so sexual, you watch porn – A lot of women watch porn.
SARAH: I think that’s part of the issue again with the production of it. It’s more taboo for women and so the people who are producing porn don’t know their audience as well as they think they do. The way I view it, now it could be wrong, the way I understand it is that a lot – I don’t know if most is an appropriate word here, but a large chunk of porn is produced specifically for the male gaze, as they say. I would say most, I would think.
KAYLA: Yeah, I would think so.
SARAH: And then you get into the whole issue of fetishizing women, like female-female porn.
KAYLA: So it’s like porn that should be meant for lesbian women to watch and yet it’s produced for men instead.
SARAH: it’s produced specifically for men, with men in mind. And I’ve seen people online, people who are lesbians saying –
KAYLA: There’s no good porn.
SARAH: There’s no good porn for them, because all of the porn that is women with women is produced with men in mind, and it’s not realistic to what they would want as a lesbian woman.
(10:00)
KAYLA: This article that’s against porn talks a bit about how young people start watching porn and obviously they’re like, oh my God it’s corrupting people or whatever. But also you have to think, if people are starting to watch it in middle school, that’s your first entrance into learning what sex is and what it’s about.
So whether you like porn and want people to watch it or not, if that’s what people are going to be watching, it needs to be representative and accurate to what’s actually going on. I don’t know that watching porn as a young person is inherently negative or bad for you, I don’t really have a strong opinion either way on that –
SARAH: Yeah, I haven’t thought much about that.
KAYLA: And I don’t really plan to. At this point I don’t care, I don’t have kids. What I do think is definitely negative is watching porn that is produced just by a man for the male gaze that doesn’t understand –
SARAH: That doesn’t consider [that] women watch their –
KAYLA: That doesn’t consider the role of women, or what women actually enjoy, or how anatomy works or anything, you know?
SARAH: Because I’ve heard a lot about porn being completely unrealistic –
KAYLA: Oh yeah, fake orgasms up the wazoo.
SARAH: Even just – I always hear stuff about plot lines that don’t even, they try to make a story out of it but then it doesn’t happen.
KAYLA: As someone that has never watched porn, I don’t know how true those stereotypes are. I feel like you always see sketches and jokes about porn that’s super cheesy and terrible acting and whatever, so I don’t know how realistic that actually is. Part of me has to think there’s no way it would, or why would anyone watch it? But I guess I don’t know what I’m talking about when it comes to that.
SARAH: I mean, when you go to watch porn, you’re not going to watch the plot.
KAYLA: I know, but don’t you think it would bother you? I don’t know, I would get distracted.
SARAH: It would bother me but I’m also very story-oriented as a person.
KAYLA: Yeah, I guess. So then I was reading another article, because there’s been a lot of talk online I’ve seen recently about getting more women to produce porn because like, duh. So this article is called “Can porn be feminist?” and I think that’s really interesting because we talked in an episode before about how hard feminism is for an asexual [person] maybe, because a lot of it was about women’s empowerment and women taking their sexuality, but I think this makes a lot of good arguments.
There’s this woman who started producing porn and got a really good following, she’s Swedish, and apparently she makes really good porn with high production values, and she focuses on making it feminist porn. She says it’s super important to show full consent by the women in the actual film, and to show that no one’s getting harmed, and she has her actors really talk to each other about everything. She talks about how she has women of all ages, all body types, races and ethnicities which I think is really important because when I think of porn it’s like –
SARAH: It’s white people. Skinny white people with big boobs.
KAYLA: So it’s similar to how lesbians aren’t going to find porn for them, people who aren’t “normative” looking aren’t going to find themselves in anything, and how unrelatable is that?
SARAH: Right. A porn blog followed me the other day that was all Black women and I was honestly kind of impressed, but also like, please don’t follow me.
KAYLA: Go away.
SARAH: I think related to porn on some level is smut, and a lot of times smut is associated with fanfiction, but there are also romance novels that are just full of that shit.
KAYLA: It’s like Fifty Shades of Gray, but a better quality book.
SARAH: I think a lot of people view smut as all like Fifty Shades of Gray, and that’s what it all is and it’s all horrible, but that’s just not the case. I mean, I read fanfiction and there are fanfics that I’ve read that are long, huge 200k words that have smut in them so I’m like alright, I’m still going to read this chapter –
KAYLA: I’ve definitely read smut in my time.
SARAH: I’ve definitely read smut in my time. It’s so interesting, because it’s so different from what a lot of people imagine it is, and I’ve heard it said that guys, if you want to know what women actually like in regards to sex, read smut fanfiction.
KAYLA: Written by a woman. I think it’s so true because, like I said, I’ve read smut in my time. I’ve read smut on purpose because I’ve been like, oh what’s – interesting.
SARAH: I mean, same.
KAYLA: Because for me, I think the main reason I don’t find an appeal in porn is because watching makes me uncomfortable, but reading it for some reason for me, personally I’m fine.
SARAH: Reading it is a lot more – You’re separated from it a little bit more.
KAYLA: So I have read smut and I don’t know where I was going with this, but I’ve read smut. Where was I going with this? I found that it seems, from my sex experience and whatever, it seems fairly accurate, I guess.
SARAH: If you’re reading good fanfiction, or even if it’s not fanfiction, if you’re reading good smut it should be realistic in terms of what is able to happen.
KAYLA: To be fair, I’ve also read bad smut.
SARAH: Oh yeah. Can’t get through it.
KAYLA: That’s also like, this is not how anything works so you don’t understand basic anatomy. It’s not that easy to give someone an orgasm, please stop. It’s stupid.
SARAH: Have you ever – Oh no, I asked you this the other day. I don’t know if any of you have seen the movie Network, but I watched it for one of my film classes and there’s a character in it who’s very attached to her work, and basically that’s all she does. And she said that when she is with people in relationships, they have complained about how she’s not good at sex because she finishes too early, and then wants to go back to sleep –
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: And I was like, yeah, okay. But then there was a scene later on where she was with this guy and first of all, it was funny because she was talking about work the entire time, they were having sex and she was talking about work. But she came so fast and it was like, this is not realistic. I know you’re trying to make a joke, but like, can you not?
KAYLA: You remember Bearllionaire?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So there was this book that went around on Tumblr a lot and this woman that wrote it has written a lot of books about shapeshifting people that are –
SARAH: They shapeshift into bears –
KAYLA: And then they’re like romance. So this book, there’s these three women and these three men, and the men are brothers and they can shapeshift into bears. I own the first book, because my ex bought it for me because I thought it was so funny. It’s probably the best gift he ever gave me, honestly.
SARAH: It’s really funny.
KAYLA: It’s funny and I have read it out loud several times. But there was this part in it where the bear guy and the lady he ends up with, they like – I don’t know, they meet each other, they’re spending time with each other for the first time and he’s like, oh my God, she’s my mate because he’s an animal so he just knows and they’re automatically linked, whatever. So they get to doing sexual things and she orgasms from just – His knee is like, up against her crotch but all clothes are on and so he’s just rubbing up against her body?
SARAH: Sounds fake.
KAYLA: And she so quickly orgasms, the most explosive orgasm. It is described as the most magical orgasm -
SARAH: What the fuck?
KAYLA: He just brushes up against her crotch and then all of a sudden, it’s like, what?
SARAH: What are you doing?
KAYLA: And that’s a woman that wrote that though.
SARAH: Oh my God. Maybe it’s just like, this is what she wants.
KAYLA: I think her husband is super unsatisfactory, because she’s written a lot of these books and I think they’re probably all the same, and I think that her husband is not good at sex.
SARAH: I’ve seen on Tumblr a couple of times, there was a book, it wasn’t Bearly An Heir but it was some romance novel that had smut in it and there was this section of it where the anatomy, it didn’t make sense. And someone tried to draw what it would look like, and it was so weird, there were extra hands and weird contortions.
KAYLA: Oh my God, that’s incredible. So yeah, I really like this article and again, it will be linked because it talks about how there need to be more women in the industry, and there’s a really good quote the lady that produces this talked about. “Porn should be produced in a way that women want to work in it.” Like, if you got rid of poverty and racism and everything, would women still want to work in porn? Or are they just doing it for the money?
SARAH: I also think, this isn’t based in any fact, but it just seems to me like the porn that is probably – I don’t know if I would say the most accurate, but they know their audience and they are doing things correctly for how it happens, would probably be gay porn. Because they know who their audience is, and they’re doing things for that audience and not necessarily fetishizing another group. I could be wrong and there could be –
(20:00)
KAYLA: There could be, and I’m sure there’s problems in all porn industries. And it’s also interesting this was talking about how one of the most searched things that women search for in porn is female dominating, and I feel like in porn a lot of times it’s male dominating –
SARAH: Oh, absolutely.
KAYLA: And the woman is just laying there or whatever, so it really shows you that obviously women want something different, but you don’t get that unless women are actually the ones behind making it. Sex is different for everyone, sexuality is different for everyone, people’s preferences for sex are so varied but you have a small group of people making all of the porn and expecting everyone to be like, yes this is good and turns me on.
SARAH: And I would say in general, not necessarily all male-produced porn, but the stereotypical stuff is very, very heteronormative. They don’t go beyond what they think men want, but not all men even want that.
KAYLA: Definitely not. It’s like, who are you producing it for? Yourself?
SARAH: And I think that’s why a lot of women turn to smut, because they don’t feel like what they would want from it is in porn.
KAYLA: Yeah, this woman was talking about how she had a first experience with porn when she was a teenager, and her and her friends looked it up at a sleepover and she was like, I was disgusted, I didn’t like it.
SARAH: It grosses me out.
KAYLA: I think it might be different for me than for you.
SARAH: I know but just like, I don’t know.
KAYLA: And she was saying in college [she] tried it again with a boyfriend and she was like, it just didn’t turn [her] on like it was supposed to, or it didn’t do what it was supposed to and that’s why she turned to making her own.
SARAH: That’s also a thing, is watching porn with people.
KAYLA: I mean this might just be me because I’m not comfortable watching it by myself, but I’m uncomfortable.
SARAH: I just feel like first of all, you’d have to know them and be so comfortable with them, but second of all, it’s just like that’s just such a – I don’t even know.
KAYLA: I mean, it’s very intimate in a way, you’re watching this thing and you’re supposed to be turned on by it and a lot of people masturbate to it, but you’re watching it with other people so what do you do?
SARAH: And if it’s not your partner –
KAYLA: Do you just sit there in silence?
SARAH: I can sort of understand if it’s with your partner.
KAYLA: With your partner, I get.
SARAH: Then you’re like, oh, let’s do a thing now.
KAYLA: Yeah, with your partner I totally understand that. I’ve heard of girls watching it together as a group of friends which, I don’t know, I would hate-watch porn with a friend.
SARAH: That would be funny.
KAYLA: We should do that, I would be so uncomfortable, we should. I think I had asked, or I had joked or something with my ex about watching porn with his roommate and he was like, disgusted, and I was like, yeah, makes sense. But also, it’s interesting that a group of girls can watch it together but then a group of guys can’t, so you get an interesting level of comfortableness with your sexuality.
SARAH: That’s true.
KAYLA: Normatively, I don’t think a lot of men are super comfortable with their masculinity and sexuality.
SARAH: But then on the other hand I would feel like men would be comfortable watching it together because it’s so normative for them, supposedly, in culture.
KAYLA: I mean yeah, that’s true. Hate-watching porn, ew, that’s so funny.
SARAH: I feel like also, if you’re in a group and you’re not hate-watching it, you’re just watching it, does it just turn into an orgy?
KAYLA: I don’t know.
SARAH: Do people ever just watch porn and –
KAYLA: Not masturbate about it?
SARAH: Because to me, the reason you watch porn is to masturbate, that’s what I get from it.
KAYLA: That’s what it seems like to me.
SARAH: Does anyone just like, watch it? Casually?
KAYLA: I kind of assume that’s –
SARAH: I think that’s what it is, I don’t think you just watch it because why would you watch it and get turned on and not do anything about it? Just leave yourself turned on?
KAYLA: Also, I feel like the purpose of watching porn is to get yourself turned on, so if it’s not working, maybe you should find something else.
SARAH: Yeah, maybe try a different porn. I don’t know, do you just sit there in uncomfortable silence? I’m just picturing a room full of people staring at the TV all like, arms crossed, just looking uncomfortable.
KAYLA: Just watching it, you know?
SARAH: Speaking of a bunch of people watching it, I just thought about the movie The Room.
KAYLA: There’s such weird sex scenes.
SARAH: There’s sex scenes where they use the same footage over and over again and he’s clearly not – It looks like he’s fucking her bellybutton. But it’s like, when you watch a movie with a sex scene with people who you’re not really comfortable with –
KAYLA: Okay no, here’s the thing though for me. I forget what movie it was but I was with – Sorry to my ex if he’s listening to this for some reason, I’m just talking about him a lot today. I was with him and his roommate and maybe his roommate’s girlfriend and we were watching a movie, and there was a pretty explicit sex scene and I was very uncomfortable, and I had to stop watching because I was like no, I’m so uncomfortable. Everyone else was like, nah, whatever, we’re watching.
SARAH: Would you have been less uncomfortable if it was just you and him?
KAYLA: No. I don’t remember what the movie was, but it was really making me uncomfortable. And those were people I was pretty comfortable with and I was like, I can’t do this you guys. If I was watching it alone, I think I would have been like, huh, what is this.
SARAH: The really interesting thing is I’m a film major, which means that I have screenings for my classes and sometimes you have to watch movies that have sex scenes in them. The first time I ever watched The Room was in a screening for class, and so we were all just sitting there like, what the fuck?
KAYLA: Like, I’m in class right now watching this sex scene.
SARAH: And when I saw Network last week, that was in class and when I saw The Room there was no one sitting next to me, because it was in a bigger room, but the room that we watch it in for the class I’m in now is a smaller room. So I was sitting next to someone, just watching a sex scene.
KAYLA: Just watching people have sex.
SARAH: It’s a little different when you’re in class obviously –
KAYLA: But it’s still a little weird.
SARAH: Also the movie Friends with Benefits, great movie but the list of people who I would feel comfortable watching it with?
KAYLA: We’ve watched it as a house together, haven’t we?
SARAH: We have, but I feel like outside of the people who live in our house, and maybe a couple of others, I would not feel comfortable watching it with them just because I would be like, err –
KAYLA: We’re watching sex now. Yeah.
SARAH: Or just any movie that has a lot of sex scenes, especially obviously with really explicit sex scenes. Some of it’s fine, a lot of shows have – I know in fanfiction it’s often called smut-adjacent, so it’s not actually the smut, but it’s heavily implied, it’s right after –
KAYLA: What happens right before or right after.
SARAH: And that’s fine, I don’t really feel uncomfortable watching that with anyone, but if it is an actual sex scene –
KAYLA: If they’re like, doing it.
SARAH: God, imagine being an actor and having to do a sex scene, especially if you’re young.
KAYLA: Yeah, I looked up one time – So when you’re young, if you’re underage, your parent has to be present so that’s a whole thing. But I think I looked it up one time and there’s straps that they have for the man’s penis in case he gets aroused. Because that’s my thing, what if you accidentally get turned on? A woman you can definitely hide it but a man, it’s just there, and how embarrassing. I’d be embarrassed.
SARAH: I know. One of my favorite fanfictions of all time is one of those hella long ones. It’s a Hollywood alternate universe thing and the two characters are actors, and they had to do their first sex scene when they were underage. So their parents were in the room and it was so awkward, and it was just, it was ridiculous.
KAYLA: That’s so funny.
SARAH: But it was very amusing to read.
KAYLA: As an actor, I can’t –
SARAH: I would draw the line at sex scenes. If I were an actor, I would not feel comfortable doing sex scenes.
KAYLA: (sighs) I mean, I would do it but I’d have to have considerable coaching to make me not be very awkward the whole time.
SARAH: Also, there’s anywhere from 50-150 people watching.
KAYLA: Yeah, that’s weird.
SARAH: If you were to think about it, on one hand as an actor, you want to be in the moment of what your character’s experiencing, but on the other hand it’s like, if you can think about the fact that they just need to make sure the lighting is right, if you think of it very objectively, it wouldn’t be so bad. But then once you’re actually acting it –
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Or imagine directing a sex scene?
BOTH: (laugh)
KAYLA: No thanks.
SARAH: I would be so uncomfortable, I would be like, uh, um –
KAYLA: So uh, do a little thing.
SARAH: A little more? A little more of that?
KAYLA: A little more dick? Oh God, oh no.
SARAH: Oh Jesus, now I’m just thinking about it and just –
KAYLA: Yeah. I think overall for ace people and aspec people in general, I think it’s interesting because porn is just so normative and it’s like, everyone watches it and everyone’s okay with it. But I would imagine probably a good proportion of the ace community is like, nah.
(30:00)
SARAH: But also there are plenty of people who aren’t ace that are just like eh, I’m good. Whether or not you like porn doesn’t really have any bearing on what your sexuality is. You can be super into having sex with people in real life, but not like watching porn, whatever the reason. I feel like a lot of times people assume that if you watch a lot of porn you’re really into sex and if you don’t watch porn you’re not and for some people that might be absolutely true, but it’s not the case for everyone.
KAYLA: And the assumption I was talking about in the beginning of the episode like if you don’t watch it, you have so much self-control, so the inherent thought that everyone wants to and has this secret desire to, when it’s just like no. No, no. Just don’t wanna.
SARAH: Right. I hate the world sometimes.
KAYLA: Why, Sarah?
SARAH: Just because the assumptions about people, I hate it. I also wish that the porn industry was healthier for the people involved.
KAYLA: It’s hard though because obviously we’re having a lengthy conversation about porn right now, but I don’t think a lot of people like to talk about porn.
SARAH: Yeah, they don’t.
KAYLA: If you ask someone what kind of porn they like to watch or how often they watch it, no one wants to answer something like that, and they shouldn’t have to.
SARAH: It’s like what we talked about in the other episode, that’s not something you should ask anyone, “Do you watch porn?” or “What kind of porn?”, do you know what I mean?
KAYLA: “Do you masturbate?” or anything like that. That’s just not something you need to ask someone. It’s like asking people – People are pretty open about their kinks actually, I don’t know. But it’s like asking people how do they like to have sex, it’s a pretty personal thing.
So it’s hard to have conversations about why it’s so normative, or why more women need to produce it or more LGBT people need to produce it, because no one wants to talk about what they’re watching.
SARAH: As you were talking about that woman who wants to make better porn, when you talked about Pornhub, I was like, if you’re the CEO of Pornhub, is that something that you tell everyone? People are like, what do you do? And you’re like, I’m the CEO of Pornhub.
KAYLA: I think any employee of Pornhub -
SARAH: Would probably be okay with it, probably be pretty chill. Like yeah, I work for Pornhub.
KAYLA: I don’t know. What if you were just like, a coder? And you’re like, yeah I do the coding. Oh, for what website? Pornhub.
SARAH: I feel like they would probably just – I don’t know.
KAYLA: It’d be an interesting conversation, for sure.
SARAH: Or asking someone what do you do and they’re like, I’m an actor. Oh, what kind of stuff do you act in? And they’re like, porn.
KAYLA: Yeah, I don’t think most people that act in porn are really – I don’t know.
SARAH: What do you mean?
KAYLA: I feel like either they’d be very open about it, or not at all.
SARAH: I feel like I’ve seen a lot of people who are pretty open about it, just on the internet talking about it. What I also thought of is that when it comes to ace people, there’s the idea that no ace people watch porn, which is just not true. You can be not just aspec but actually asexual and even if you’re not sex positive, even if you don’t have sex in your life, that doesn’t mean that there are people that have that identity that don’t watch porn. It’s like how we were talking about how you can be asexual and still masturbate because people have different –
KAYLA: Because your body still works.
SARAH: Some people are okay with that because it’s your own body, and they’re freaked out about other people’s bodies. I don’t know, it’s a thing that some people do and some people don’t. Get over it.
KAYLA: Get over it. I feel like what there should be is a porn industry for every sexuality, because I imagine things in porn might look different if an asexual person were producing it and directing it.
SARAH: Yeah, absolutely.
KAYLA: It might cater better to people who are asexual because it’s like, this is coming from my point of view and everything.
SARAH: There’s definitely porn that has more than two people in it and it’s like, is that being created by someone who’s poly?
KAYLA: Or is that just fetishizing?
SARAH: I feel like in most cases, it’s fetishizing.
KAYLA: Yeah, just like ooh, let’s have an orgy. It’s not like, here’s a healthy poly relationship, it’s like no, we just found these random people.
SARAH: Right, or it’s like, I’m a guy and I’m having sex with this girl but we’re going to make it a threesome, because I get off on watching girls make out, you know what I mean? Or it’s one girl and a bunch of guys.
KAYLA: Sometimes people are like, oh two dicks in you at once. What the fuck?
SARAH: I’m good. Do they even fit?
KAYLA: Why wouldn’t they?
SARAH: I don’t know.
KAYLA: They don’t go in the same place. Oh, Sarah, there’s two holes. They don’t go in the same hole at once.
SARAH: Listen, I don’t know. Some people literally talk about it in the same hole.
KAYLA: I don’t think physically, thinking about how your bodies would have to fit together –
SARAH: That’s why I’m saying that sounds fake.
KAYLA: I’m not seeing how that would physically happen. You can’t fit that many people in such a small area, I don’t know about that.
SARAH: Also, I feel like a lot of the people in porn are people who are not necessarily average in their body types.
KAYLA: No, they have huge boobs, tiny waist –
SARAH: And huge dicks.
KAYLA: Huge dicks, super muscular.
SARAH: I feel like a lot of people, if they have only watched porn and haven’t had sexual experiences for themselves yet, they have a very wrong idea about how big dicks are. Boobs, you can look around, they’re obvious to people. But dicks? I still don’t have a good idea of how big dicks are.
KAYLA: I don’t either.
SARAH: So that’s where we’re at.
KAYLA: I don’t know that anyone’s going to get much out of this episode.
SARAH: Probably not. But here it is. It’s something to think about. Think about porn more, or don’t. That’s your call.
KAYLA: I think it’s such a big part of society, but it’s so not talked about. I just think it’s interesting to think about it sometimes because it’s undercover, and no one ever talks about it but we all know it’s there, we all it’s going on.
SARAH: Right, it’s one of those things.
KAYLA: Everyone’s dancing around it, but so much shit goes on in the industry that it would be so much better if we could just talk it out, man.
SARAH: Let’s talk this shit out.
KAYLA: Figure it out, figure our shit out.
SARAH: Consent in your porn. Alright, what should the poll be?
KAYLA: Oh my God, I don’t know.
SARAH: We have a poll. It is “Which one of these emojis describes how you would feel, watching a movie with a sex scene with your parents?”
KAYLA: What are the emojis? I haven’t decided yet.
SARAH: We haven’t decided yet. It’s happened to me a couple of times when you’re with your parents watching a movie and you’re like, oh boy. Especially if it’s at your own house and all the lights are on.
KAYLA: The lights are on? I think it’s worse when the lights are off.
SARAH: No, I think it’s worse when the lights are on because you can see people better.
KAYLA: Yeah, but I just don’t look at them.
SARAH: I went to the – I saw the uh, Ron Swanson, what’s his name? Nick Offerman. My family went and saw him on his tour and he does stand-up comedy and you know, it’s raunchy at times. I mean, it’s literally called The Full Bush Tour.
KAYLA: Jesus Christ.
SARAH: It was me, my sister, my sister’s girlfriend and my parents, and I almost sat in between my parents, thank God I didn’t. But we were sitting there and some of it was raunchy, and I was very uncomfortable with the knowledge that my parents were right there, and sometimes my mom was just laughing a little too hard and my sister’s girlfriend has expressed that she also felt really uncomfortable.
KAYLA: Well yeah, because you’re not even related to any of these people. Oh my God.
SARAH: But anyway, what are the emojis? Are you looking at emojis?
KAYLA: I haven’t decided, we’re going to decide when it happens.
SARAH: Oh, no we need to tell them now, Kayla.
KAYLA: We do?
SARAH: Yes, we always tell them now.
KAYLA: Okay. One of them is going to be the Stonehenge one, the stone face. You know what I’m talking about?
SARAH: Okay. One of them is going to be the thirsty emoji, where is that?
KAYLA: Ew, ew.
SARAH: Listen, some people might feel that way, I don’t know.
KAYLA: If you pick that, you’re – pffft.
SARAH: No, don’t shame people. Where is the thirsty emoji?
KAYLA: Sarah, that’s incest.
SARAH: (shocked) No, not thirsty for their parents.
KAYLA: Why would they feel thirsty watching a sex scene with their parents?
SARAH: Just like, ooh look at that sex scene, I don’t care that my parents are here, I’m into this. You know what I mean?
KAYLA: I still am uncomfortable, no I don’t.
SARAH: I also can’t - I haven’t decided which thirsty emoji.
KAYLA: It will be some variety of thirst emoji.
SARAH: Then we can have - What’s a really embarrassed emoji?
KAYLA: One of the moon faces?
SARAH: That doesn’t even make sense. What about –
KAYLA: The T-Rex looks pretty uncomfortable.
SARAH: Let me see? No.
KAYLA: Okay.
(40:00)
SARAH: What about one of the puking ones?
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: The one that is about to puke, or the one that is puking? I think the one that’s about to puke, the green one? So we have Stonehenge, thirsty, green about to puke, and finally we have – see, I wish the moon faces weren’t smiling.
KAYLA: I think one of the half-moons, the half-moon that looks like it’s looking away?
SARAH: Okay, we’ll do a half-moon.
KAYLA: She’s like, I’m not here.
SARAH: Okay. So yeah, how would you feel watching a sex scene with your parents?
KAYLA: Yep, all of those emojis.
SARAH: Yikes.
KAYLA: They really didn’t need to know that, but it’s fine.
SARAH: No, they did. We always tell them now, Kayla.
KAYLA: Oh my God.
SARAH: You can find that poll on our Twitter @soundsfakepod. You can also email us at soundsfakepod@gmail.com or find us on our Tumblr soundsfakepod.tumblr.com. As we’ve mentioned before, there is no porn on our Tumblr.
KAYLA: There isn’t. In fact, I think I have porn blacklisted on my computer for Tumblr because I was just like, I’m tired.
SARAH: Nice. I get follows a lot and then I have to be – Because sometimes you can tell from the URL that it’s definitely porn.
KAYLA: Well, yeah.
SARAH: Sometimes you’re not sure, so you have to hover.
KAYLA: You have to check and you click and you’re like, oh no.
SARAH: You see it and you’re like, I didn’t want this.
KAYLA: There’s people fucking in the header and it’s like, noooo.
SARAH: Kayla, where can they listen?
KAYLA: You can listen wherever you find your favorite podcasts. SoundCloud, iTunes, Stitcher Radio, Overcast, all of the other ones that are used.
SARAH: But not Pornhub.
KAYLA: I should hope not, if we’re on Pornhub, I’d be very surprised.
SARAH: I’d feel a little weird.
KAYLA: So you can leave us a comment or review wherever you listen, tell us how you felt about this episode that you probably got nothing out of.
SARAH: Amazing. We also have a Patreon, if you are like wow, what an episode about porn –
KAYLA: Gotta give those guys some money.
SARAH: You can do so at our Patreon, it’s patreon.com/soundsfakepod. Our current patron,s who will probably be revoking their money soon –
KAYLA: Sorry.
SARAH: $5 patrons, we’ve got Sydney Mook, her Instagram is @sydneymoo.
KAYLA: Just with two o’s.
SARAH: Sorry, I made it seem like there were more.
KAYLA: There’s only two.
SARAH: Oh, she’s a lovely lady. Then we have Jennifer Smart, her YouTube is Lehen Productions, I didn’t add any weird letters to that one. Then you have Asritha, her Instagram is @asritha_v.
KAYLA: But one v.
SARAH: I’ve made that into a thing and I regret it.
KAYLA: I hate you so much.
SARAH: Our $10 patron is Emma. Emma, once again, recently started a YouTube channel, you can find her by going to YouTube and then looking up Emma T Fink, because it’s a while before you’re allowed to have your own URL.
KAYLA: It is, but she has at least two videos out now. She had one about New Year’s resolutions, she had one about self-care.
SARAH: And she doesn’t add weird letters to things.
KAYLA: Sarah, that’s not even funny.
SARAH: It wasn’t funny the first time but I just feel the need to have a motif.
KAYLA: I’m done. I am done.
SARAH: Thanks for listening, even if you regret it. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.