Ep 223: Pet Names for Partners
(00:00)
SARAH: Hey, what’s up hello, welcome to Sounds Fake but Okay: a podcast where an aroace girl, I’m Sarah that’s me
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, that’s me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don’t understand
KAYLA: On today’s episode: pet names
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds fake but okay
(intro music plays)
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!
KAYLA: Raise your hand if you know what the word slebby means.
(pause)
SARAH: I’m raising my hand
KAYLA: Good.
SARAH: It’s not a real word, for anyone who’s like “what the fuck does slebby mean?” but if you know Kayla, contextually, it makes perfect sense and Dean is just foolish
KAYLA: I thought slebby was a you word
SARAH: Me?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I don’t think I’ve ever said that
KAYLA: Well.
SARAH: Anyway, hi. How was everyone’s break? Mine kind of sucked, how about you?
(laughter)
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Yeah. It’s a good thing we were on break, wasn’t it?
KAYLA: Yeah I mean it was well-timed
SARAH: Yeah, I had some absolute chaos in my personal life, and Kayla kept going places.
KAYLA: And I’m still going to keep doing that
SARAH: Yeah. I impromptu had to go a place. It’s been an interesting July, but you know what? It’s over now.
KAYLA: Yeah, and now we’re back. I’m still doing a lot of traveling in August so we’ll see how that affects the schedule, but…
SARAH: Yes indeed
KAYLA: Here we are
SARAH: It’s chaos over here at SFBO
KAYLA: Truly.
SARAH: We’re so behind on everything
KAYLA: It’s really bad because our break wasn’t really a break and it’s… you know?
SARAH: Our break was supposed to be us catching up on things and then, you know what we didn’t do?
KAYLA: Well, but that’s because of extenuating circumstances
SARAH: It is
KAYLA: That’s not really our fault.
SARAH: It’s not, but oof. Well, I hope everyone’s break was better than ours.
KAYLA: (laughing) Yes.
SARAH: But we are back. We are back in your funky little ears and it is time for some podcasting.
KAYLA: Mhm.
SARAH: Do we have any housekeeping?
KAYLA: I cannot think of any housekeeping
SARAH: Okay, then let’s go! Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, inspired by a viral Tweet of a Reddit post.
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: We’re going to be talking about pet names
SARAH: Yeah. Kayla and I both saw this tweet independently of one another
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: And I sent it to her, and I was not the first person to have sent it to her.
KAYLA: No because it’s very… it’s giving Dean, you know?
SARAH: Yeah. Who’s Dean, Kayla? Not everyone knows who Dean is.
KAYLA: Oh it’s my boyfriend, my partner
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It’s just something he would do and frankly does, so.
SARAH: Yeah, so let’s just start with that
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I can read this post.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: It’s on r/relationship_advice and it’s from user adorable_physics4431. “My boyfriend won’t stop calling me Tony Pizza. I (21F) and my boyfriend (21M) currently live together and have been together for about 4 months. To explain why we were living together at the 4 month mark, we started off as roommates and then started dating. I have to say my boyfriend has never been good at pet names. Some early ones were ‘little stubster’ and ‘sour meat’. One of my nicknames for him, in comparison, is ‘little bird’. Anyway, about two weeks ago he starts calling me Tony Pizza. This doesn’t even make sense and he uses it more than my actual name. It honestly bothers me that he can’t be bothered to find a somewhat nice nickname for me. I have had several conversations with him about it, but he says he just can’t think of anything better. What do I do? Is this going to become a bigger problem, or should I even address it? I hate being Tony Pizza”
KAYLA: I just… I would love to be Tony Pizza
SARAH: Listen. If you can’t appreciate that your boyfriend calls you Tony Pizza, maybe it’s not meant to be.
KAYLA: No, that’s what I’m saying. If you don’t have the same sense of humor to appreciate being called sour meat or Tony Pizza
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Then I don’t know
SARAH: Yeah, it’s great. When I read this, I was like “I would absolutely rather be called Tony Pizza than little bird, are you kidding?”
KAYLA: It’s very good.
SARAH: Tony Pizza is excellent.
KAYLA: I don’t think Dean has ever had anything as good as Tony Pizza for me. The most common one recently has been little boy.
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: And at this point it’s turned into all of our friends calling each other little boy
(05:00)
SARAH: I call myself little boy
KAYLA: Yeah. It’s been far reaching
SARAH: Like several times recently I’ve looked in the mirror and been like “that’s a little boy”
KAYLA: It’s gotten to the point where last night I came home from the airport and Dean was here and our friends were here waiting for me and they just started chanting “little boy” when I came in the door
(laughter)
SARAH: My god. Excellent.
KAYLA: So, yeah.
SARAH: Anyway, I think that says a lot about the kind of people we we are though.
KAYLA: Oh, I mean, yeah. We’re Tony Pizza people.
SARAH: Yeah. I know some people take pet names very seriously. I don’t really like pet names.
KAYLA: Well, for people who might not know what we’re talking about, do we want to kind of define a pet name?
SARAH: Yes, please. Kayla, do it.
KAYLA: Yeah, so I think a pet name is like a nickname but most often used between romantic partners. I feel like you can have one for a friend too.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But things like babe, or honey, or sweetheart are typical ones
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: But then obviously you have more custom ones like little bird
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Or Tony Pizza
SARAH: Yes. Or sour meat.
KAYLA: Or sour meat.
SARAH: And a lot of times they’re meant to be kind of cutesy and as Kayla said, there are like standard ones. There’s like babe, baby, honey, broski – (laughing) That’s not a standard one.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. Broski. I lost track because I said broski. I distracted myself by saying broski. But yeah some people are very into pet names and they come up with a very specific pet name for their significant other, and it’s not a nickname because it’s not usually based in what their name is
KAYLA: Yeah it’s not like Elizabeth turning into Liz
SARAH: Yeah or like I call Kayla, Kale or sometimes Kola
KAYLA: Mhm.
SARAH: That would be a nickname, but if I were to call Kayla Tony Pizza, that would be a pet name
KAYLA: I wish you would.
SARAH: What if the person is named Tony? Would Tony Pizza be a nickname?
KAYLA: I feel like – no, I don’t think so.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: I don’t know
SARAH: It’s complicated. I think it might be a nickname
KAYLA: That’s the hard thing about – because I think a nickname and a pet name could be the same thing but it depends on the relationship you have with the person
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Because if your boyfriend calls you Tony Pizza, maybe that’s a pet name but if your friend calls you Tony Pizza, then that’s your nickname.
SARAH: Yeah. I don’t know. It gets kind of complicated, much like all things to do with romantic relationships.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: But yeah, they’re very common. I know they’re common amongst various cultures and you know, different pet names have different connotations. Another thing I think that I’m aware of specifically in the United States is a lot of times if people who you are not in a relationship with call you honey or like sweetie…
KAYLA: It’s very demeaning
SARAH: It can come off as really patronizing unless it’s like a very nice old southern woman
KAYLA: (laughing) Yes.
SARAH: It really really depends on context. And so, you know, sweetie or honey can be a nice pet name but it also can be like “okay sweetie” in a negative way
KAYLA: Do you have certain pet names that make you uncomfortable to hear?
SARAH: I don’t like baby.
KAYLA: Interesting, okay.
SARAH: I know that’s like kind of a hot take because it’s very common, although I have recently started referring to various pets as baby, but I think that’s different because they are pets, and pet names.
KAYLA: That’s different, I call my pets baby all the time.
SARAH: Yeah. I don’t love baby, and I don’t know what it is about it, because babe is okay.
KAYLA: Uh huh.
SARAH: I don’t love it but it’s fine. I don’t particularly like it when my sister’s fiance says it to my sister, but that’s just because that’s my sister, ew.
KAYLA: That’s fair.
SARAH: I don’t know what it is about babe that is better than baby to me. I don’t know if it’s something to do with the more diminutive nature of baby like referring to someone as a baby. And if someone says jokingly, or in reference to a friend “oh that’s my baby” or in reference to a pet that’s fine
(10:00)
SARAH: but as soon as you say that about a significant other I’m like “get out of my house”
KAYLA: Yeah I’m trying to think of what the real difference between babe and baby is but I don’t know
SARAH: There’s something in my head that just differentiates them.
KAYLA: Yeah. My first boyfriend in high school really didn’t like babe and there were a few times I slipped up and called him that I think and he was like “what are you doing” and I was like “oh no, everyone else says it. I’m sorry.”
SARAH: Are there any that you really like or don’t like?
KAYLA: No, I don’t think so. I do think things like honey or sweetheart feel a lot older to me.
SARAH: Yeah. They’re either old school or offensive.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Depending on how they’re used.
KAYLA: Yes I just feel like it’s something a parent or grandparent would call their significant other?
SARAH: Oh my god, you know what I hate?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: You know what I hate so bad?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: Hubby.
KAYLA: I also hate that very much.
SARAH: Like wifey is bad but it’s not as bad for some reason
KAYLA: They’re both bad.
SARAH: Hubby is just – and that only works if you’re married because it’s a play on husband.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It just –
KAYLA: I know, I completely agree it’s very bad.
SARAH: My grandma would call my grandpa that
KAYLA: Ugh.
SARAH: Not like in conversation but on Christmas presents
KAYLA: no!
SARAH: Sometimes it would say to my grandpa’s name from my grandma’s name and sometimes it would say to hubby from wifey
KAYLA: Nooo!
SARAH: And I hated that so much.
KAYLA: That’s yucky. Yeah I don’t like that one. I also feel like that one I associate with a very specific type of person
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And maybe that’s the reason I hate it is because those people have ruined it?
SARAH: yeah it’s like the heteronormative…
KAYLA: It’s like a Karen. It’s giving Karen or like young Christian wife
SARAH: My grandma is named Karen
KAYLA: Well.
SARAH: So I don’t know what that means.
KAYLA: There you go. I get weirded out sometimes when I hear people my parents’ age or older saying “babe” because for some reason I just associate that with –
SARAH: Feels younger?
KAYLA: With younger people?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That one also feels – I’m probably just agist but that one always just kind of throws me off. I think also because my parents don’t really call each other any pet names.
SARAH: Yeah my parents don’t either, thank god
KAYLA: They just use their first names or like my mom will call my dad Kev instead of Kevin
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But you know, that’s his name
SARAH: Yeah. That’s his name. That’s just a nickname
KAYLA: yes.
SARAH: That’s more of a nickname less of a pet name
KAYLA: Yes. I found an article from Scientific American
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: About pet names.
SARAH: Hit me with it
KAYLA: If you would like to hear some of it. It’s kind of a longer article. I don’t know that we need to read the entire thing, but it reminded me of pet names that are common in other languages just like we have honey and sweetheart and everything
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: French has mon petit chou, which is my little cabbage, which is very good. There’s a lot in other languages.
SARAH: Well in Korean there’s yobo which is specific to married couples. Like if you’re not married you can still say it, but it implies that you’re married, which is interesting.
KAYLA: What does it mean?
SARAH: It’s just like honey or sweetheart
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: It’s in that realm
KAYLA: Interesting. So yeah, this article – let me see what it’s called so people can find it. It’s called “why do we use pet names in relationships” and it’s on Scientific American. So it kind of starts with a link to the blog or whatever
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And then it says “But if you scour in the scientific literature for research on pet names and relationship happiness, you’ll likely come upon one stand-out paper: ‘Sweet Pea and Pussy Cat: An Examination of Idiom Use and Marital Satisfaction Over the Life Cycle,’ which appeared in the Journal of Social and Personal Relationships in 1993.” And someone named Carol J. Bruess led this study for her master’s thesis, and she says “I fell in love with the idea that I could look at the micromoments that create relationships“ And she’s now the director of family studies at the University of St. Thomas in St. Paul. She said that to her, “a relationship is a “mini-culture” unto itself, reinforced by rituals such as nicknames and other private language. The terms of endearment are important when conflicts arise, she says, allowing a natural recourse to humor and playfulness when things get rough.”
(15:00)
KAYLA: I really like that way of looking at relationships as a mini-culture because…
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I think it’s very true. And it’s true of friendships too, you kind of have a cycle of inside jokes that will come and go at certain points.
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: I really like that way of looking at it.
SARAH: Yeah, I do too.
KAYLA: She says “I think it’s a really human, natural behavior to take language and shape it for our own purposes. I like how that’s nicknames evolve. We name things, we give things symbols, and over time we tend to naturally manipulate those symbols toward a certain outcome.”
SARAH: Hm
KAYLA: So their study specifically looked at the relation between nicknames and the satisfaction of married people, which I think is super interesting.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: They use a term called “idiosyncratic communication” to talk about nicknames, expressions of affection and other sorts of “insider” language used only within a specific relationship. They found that idiosyncratic communication is associated with marital satisfaction and couples in their first five years of marriage without children reported using the most idioms. That’s interesting, it seems like over time it kind of goes away
SARAH: Yeah like a honeymoon period almost.
KAYLA: Yeah. So she said “But rather than these private words and phrases dying off over time, Bruess thinks that they become so ingrained in a relationship that long-term married couples may stop recognizing them as special.” So maybe they don’t go away and they just kind of see it as normal.
SARAH: yeah it’s just like, the name that I refer to you as.
KAYLA: Yeah. So for the study, 154 married people completed a survey. The main conclusion she came to was this kind of communication relates to marital satisfaction. It goes on to talk about another researcher, Pepper Schwartz, which is a very good name, who’s a professor of sociology at University of Washington, and she co-authored a book called The Normal Bar, where they looked at data from over 100,000 people about things related to relationship happiness, nicknames, things like that. So they found that two-thirds of Americans used nicknames, and of people who reported they were in very happy relationships, 76% of those people used nicknames, so kind of the same thing. High correlation to that.
SARAH: Yeah. Satisfaction in relationships.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I mean I think if you are in a shitty relationship you’re not going to want to be like “babe”, you’re not going to want to use a cutesy or a loving name, you’ll just be like (angrily) “Joseph”
KAYLA: Yeah. This is interesting. So this person Schwartz says she thinks of pet names as kind of a short hand for affection
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: So it can be easier to say “hey babe you look great” rather than saying “I love you”. It’s kind of lower stakes, I guess.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because there’s that affectionate name, it still kind of gets the point across
SARAH: Yeah. Hey Tony Pizza you look great.
(laughter)
KAYLA: I mean, yeah. This other person’s talking about how it’s a special intimacy because those kind of names are reserved for your significant other, which is interesting to me because I definitely have several friends who call their friends babe
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And are very liberal with their use of pet names for their friends. I would be interested to know if…
SARAH: Yeah, some people are just like that
KAYLA: If that’s a specific type of person
SARAH: I also think people who are very liberal with their use of pet names for their friends and stuff, I’m curious to see how that impacts if they are in romantic or sexual relationships, if that impacts how they use pet names with their partner. I would also love to see a study on the use of pet names in QPRs
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I think that would be fascinating.
KAYLA: I have the last part of this article that I think is stupid. Are we ready?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So there’s one expert Maggie Arana who the person writing this article talked to, who wrote a book called Stop Calling Him Honey and Start Having Sex
SARAH: Ugh
KAYLA: And this person advises against pet names because they argue that the names contribute to roommate syndrome, when a relationship goes from being a sexual one to a chased friendship
SARAH: Imagine thinking that you have to have sex for your relationship to be meaningful.
KAYLA: Mhm. So this whole book is I guess these authors talking about personal anecdotes and other people’s anecdotes of relationships going down this trend of being sexual to being more friend-based.
SARAH: That happens over time
KAYLA: Yes, that’s a very natural thing to happen.
(20:00)
SARAH: It’s a honeymoon period thing again.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Like some people just have very high sex drives and will continue to have sex as their relationship gets more established, but often times people won’t necessarily do that
KAYLA: Well this also is talking about why some people don’t like baby.
SARAH: Hm.
KAYLA: It’s talking about kind of the gender differences between a lot of pet names that women may often take on names of tasty objects like muffins while men will get more macho ones like “big daddy rabbit” which I don’t –
SARAH: Big Daddy Rabbit?!
KAYLA: I don’t know where that comes from
SARAH: You know what I’ve liked recently? There’s some TikTok filter where it gives you a random nickname generator
KAYLA: yes
SARAH: But they’re all weird and it’s like whichever one you get refer to your significant other as that and see how they respond. Those are good.
KAYLA: That is good. Yeah they say that calling someone baby could suggest that that person is inferior to you.
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: So yeah. This is a very interesting article, I’d recommend
SARAH: but I think it also could imply that you want to take care of them.
KAYLA: Yeah that’s true.
SARAH: For some very heteronormative uber-masculine in a harmful way that might be something that they don’t want
KAYLA: Right, exactly
SARAH: They don’t want to be coddled
KAYLA: You know what’s a – anyway, yeah. Go read this article it’s very good, I’m sure there are a lot of other ones. You know what pet name I’ve been hearing a lot on like TikTok? Is stink. Have you heard this?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: I don’t know where it came from or why it happened but all of a sudden – because I don’t know anyone in my real life who uses it so it’s only been because of TikTok I’ve heard people calling their significant other stink
SARAH: I don’t understand, but you know, if that makes them happy then go for it. Tony Pizza it up.
KAYLA: I want to find a pet name generator. Oh no, but it’s just a generator for names for your pets.
SARAH: Type in like romantic
KAYLA: Okay, romantic pet name generator. I’m going to try to find a good one for you.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: I’m going to try to find your Tony Pizza. It’s just so annoying because Tony Pizza is a perfect pet name and it’s being wasted on someone who doesn’t like it.
SARAH: Yeah. I’m on the same website and it’s interesting because it says “need an original pet name for your boyfriend, girlfriend, husband, partner, friend with benefits, or if you are just a player at a bar” It’s interesting to me that they specifically mentioned friend with benefits as someone you would have a pet name for.
KAYLA: I feel like you’re not supposed to have a pet name because I feel like pet names are a more romantic thing than sexual thing. Like it implies a certain amount of emotional attachment.
SARAH: Yeah but I think there are also certain pet names that people will only use during sex. I feel like that’s a thing.
KAYLA: Hm. Maybe.
SARAH: You know?
KAYLA: Do you want to know what name this gave me?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Wide-eyed, cream-filled bull shark
SARAH: There is a lot I don’t like about that, and it’s primarily in the cream-filled arena
KAYLA: Jolly muffin penguin? These are too long.
SARAH: Magnificent apple pie penguin is what I’ve got
KAYLA: Mm. Wide-eyed coconut bee
SARAH: (laughing) Wide-eyed jello bee.
KAYLA: Bashful chi sheep – these are so long!
SARAH: Scrumptious angel cake bat
KAYLA: If you took out the bat I could see people saying that.
SARAH: (laughing) Exotic lava panda
KAYLA: What are – like who, what’s happening?
SARAH: Okay. Love nickname generator. Everything, buttercup, doodle, funny bunny, dream love, sparky, pork chop, snookie, bright eyes, tum tums – I hate tum tums
KAYLA: Tum tum
SARAH: Soda pop, muppet, sugar, stud muffin, steam bums, tum tums again
KAYLA: Ooh, I just found an article from menshealth.com, it’s from the twelfth of this month. Here are 123 nicknames to call your wife, girlfriend, or partner.
SARAH: Hm.
KAYLA: Okay, we got a bunch of classic ones. What do you think about people calling their significant other their king or queen?
SARAH: In an ironic way, I think I like it but I think it is a little weird because it gives a – what’s the word I’m looking for? It puts one of you above the other, you know?
(25:00)
KAYLA: Yeah. Ooh, this is another one that I don’t think I like that kind of reminds me of hubby, it’s bubba.
SARAH: Mm, don’t like that.
KAYLA: It’s another thing that recently I feel like girls calling their boyfriends that especially. Kiddo?! Why would you call your – what?
SARAH: Here’s looking at you, kid
KAYLA: Okay, but I’ve heard that. Like I’ve heard people call their significant others kid, and I feel like it’s always the guy calling the girl kid
SARAH: I guess if they’re like younger than you but not in like a weird way, you know? I don’t know.
KAYLA: Yeah…
SARAH: This one says peanut butt which is funny because when I was a child one of my friends, someone that I danced with because I did competitive dance briefly, she called me peanut butt because I had no butt
KAYLA: I feel like peanuts – but they’re round
SARAH: Yeah, but the size of a peanut
KAYLA: Oh, I see. This article isn’t fun, these are all like boring normal ones
SARAH: Tiger toes?
KAYLA: Meatball. This is suggesting meatball.
SARAH: Why is stud muffin a thing? Let’s discuss.
KAYLA: Let me look.
SARAH: Monkey buns
KAYLA: I think it’s the similar thing of like you would call your girlfriend muffin and your boyfriend stud muffin, it’s like that gendered thing.
SARAH: What if you called muffin top? I don’t think a lot of people would like that. Hot cha cha. How delightful.
KAYLA: Okay, wait. I found the origin of stud muffin, I think.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Okay, it seems debated, but according to a 1988 Washington Post article about himbos, which is the male equivalent of bimbos – which I thought himbo was a newer term but apparently not
SARAH: I like that
KAYLA: The term stud muffin was allegedly devised by American comedian Lily Tomlin
SARAH: Hm
KAYLA: But the Oxford English dictionary says that Canada might have come up with it earlier, so.
SARAH: Interesting. So I found this website, it’s funstuff.pantomimepony.co.uk. It looks like it was designed in 2006, but it claims to be circa 2011, and I asked it to give me a pet name, and it said “my kissable snog nana”
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Disclaimer that this website gives: these phrases produced by the romantic pet name generator are not guaranteed to produce romantic attraction. Please check suitability before use. We are not responsible for any consequences resulting from inappropriate pet name use. Prolonged use of generator may cause nausea.
KAYLA: I mean, that seems to be the case in the case of Tony Pizza
SARAH: Oh no not my clever lickle puss
KAYLA: (gasps) No!
SARAH: my hot little sprout.
KAYLA: Okay, that one’s good
SARAH: Okay this one: my cheeky bounce duckling is that one. If you know you know. There’s also a tab on this website for ex-lover insults, and I am really interested.
KAYLA: Honestly? Yes.
SARAH: My repulsive phalange cakes
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: My self-satisifed midget limpet, which I don’t think midget is a PC term, but. My feckless nag gimp.
KAYLA: (whispering) What the fuck?
SARAH: This one also includes a disclaimer. The phrases produced by the unromantic pet name generator are not suitable for use. Please don’t use them. They’ll only make things worse and we are not responsible for any consequences resulting from their use. Prolonged use of the generator will cause extreme bitterness. Time to move on. My bony belly witch.
KAYLA: Ew!
SARAH: (laughing) That’s good. I just got so excited by my bony belly witch that I definitely made the microphone peak.
KAYLA: I –
SARAH: (laughing) My eye-watering sick princess. My leering spleen knickers.
KAYLA: I –
SARAH: (laughing) My blundering burp lemon. This is where I live. I live here now.
KAYLA: I don’t –
SARAH: Oh my god there’s also a love letter writer.
KAYLA: Okay, now that I want.
SARAH: Okay. My sweet [fill in the blank name]. I mean this with all my heart. You are an unexpected pay raise.
(30:00)
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: You make me feel like every day is precious. I want to take you away from your life of drudgery and snatch you away to a remote and romantic island. And when we reach our destination, I shall catch you a unicorn. I must enfold you in my embrace. I yearn to look into those gorgeous eyes of yours. I feel a warm glow whenever I am near you. Yours always and forever, [name].
KAYLA: So this is just mad libs
SARAH: Yeah. Disclaimer: all results are randomly generated.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: Please make sure the content is appropriate for the recipient. If symptoms of nausea occur, stop reading immediately.
KAYLA: What is this nausea?
SARAH: Wait, hold on. Let me read you this one. My darling [name]. I need to tell you You are a win on the lottery. You make me feel like every day is precious. I want to take you away from this place of drudgery and pick you up and carry you to a remote and romantic island, and when we reach our destination I shall fill your head with dreams. How I want to grab your hand. I want to feel the softness of your touch. I cherish your friendship. Forever yours, [name]. I think this is platonic.
KAYLA: It just –
SARAH: I’m going to close this because I could sit here all day
KAYLA: Yeah. It’s making my brain hurt I think.
SARAH: Sorry, I got really excited. Anyway, in conclusion, pet names?
KAYLA: Yeah, true.
SARAH: I think that covers it. I’m already thinking about polls so let’s just go for it. I think – I don’t know if it should be a multiple choice or an open-ended poll, but I want to know the worst pet names people have heard.
KAYLA: I want to know the best ones.
SARAH: Okay, then we can have two.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: The best: Tony Pizza. The worst: Hubby.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Got it, nailed it.
KAYLA: To me, I prefer pet names that are custom
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Such as a Tony Pizza, and I want to hear the other weird ones
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: That people have
SARAH: Yeah. And I think, to bring it back to the very first Reddit post for Tony Pizza, I think if you can’t appreciate that your boyfriend calls you Tony Pizza, then you need to reevaluate your relationship
KAYLA: If you can’t take him at his Tony Pizza, you do not deserve him –
SARAH: At his little bird.
KAYLA: (laughing) At his little bird. And I’ve always said that
SARAH: Also – here’s my question. Does the boyfriend think these are good? The boyfriend has said that he’s not good at coming up with pet names, but does the boyfriend realize how absurd Tony Pizza is, or is he like “this is my genuine attempt”?
KAYLA: I hope he knows how good it is. I hope he doesn’t listen to his girlfriend.
SARAH: Sour meat.
KAYLA: Sour meat is so good.
SARAH: Alright, great. Well, you can find that poll – no. You can, but not yet. Kayla. What’s your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: Oh my. My beef is just that I’m very tired. I’ve been doing a lot of traveling this summer and it’s not done yet. And it’s all good things, but I am a homebody.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Being off of my routine is not good for me
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So it’s just been tough.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: My juice is where I was this past week was going to meet all of my co-workers, we had a little retreat type thing with all of my co-workers and I’d never met them before because I work remotely. It was just very nice because we’re all friends and we get along very well.
SARAH: Yay!
KAYLA: It was very nice to see them.
SARAH: That’s good
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: My beef is that I’m easily overwhelmed. My juice is that I recently discovered – so my childhood dog, her name is Sadie, she’s 14 and she has a sensitive tummy
KAYLA: Same
SARAH: And so, she occasionally – I think sometimes they give her kibble but mostly she gets chicken and rice for every meal, which is absolutely delightful for her. She also takes a bunch of pills because she’s 14. We used to give them to her in pill pockets but now we can’t because they have too much fat content in them.
KAYLA: (laughing) Oh my god.
SARAH: So my dad just wraps them in chicken. And then – this is a sidebar, but when Rosie, my sister’s dog is there, my dad is Rosie’s favorite person in the world. And so he’ll be giving Sadie her medicine so he’ll give Sadie a medicine wrapped in chicken and he gives it to her, and then he’ll just give a piece of chicken to Rosie. And then he gives Sadie another pill wrapped in chicken, and then he gives another piece of chicken to Rosie, and it’s absolutely delightful.
(35:00)
SARAH: Anyway, what I found out recently was that my father buys organic rice for my dog.
KAYLA: (laughing) Oh my god
SARAH: (laughing) He buys like, the good rice. And then, you know what I found out today? Apparently, so my dad has a meat dealer. He has two different meat dealers, but his one meat dealer, turns out he gets Sadie’s chicken from the meat dealer
KAYLA: My god, this dog eats better than I do
SARAH: I know. Because he claims it’s cheaper and he can get 10-pound bags. But this dog, Sadie is eating the good shit
KAYLA: Good for her man
SARAH: And I simply love that
KAYLA: My dad used to do the same thing when we lived with them during the pandemic. My old dog was ill and was taking pills so my dad would wrap it in like nasty Velveeta cheese and give it to her in that
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But then Billie, my cat, would get jealous so he would also give cheese to Billie
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: So every morning when she heard the pill bottle shaking she would come running through the house for some cheese
SARAH: Yeah, come running for some cheese
KAYLA: Her morning cheese.
SARAH: Her morning cheese, yeah
KAYLA: Wait, speaking of pet names. Hold on, I just thought of something
SARAH: Yeah?
KAYLA: Do you know the TikTok audio that’s like “my sweet cheese, my rotten soldier, my good time boy”?
SARAH: No
KAYLA: (sighs) It’s so good. Imagine calling someone your rotten soldier
SARAH: My rotten soldier
KAYLA: It’s very good
SARAH: Very nice
KAYLA: Anyway
SARAH: Okay, great. So you can answer our poll, tell us about the best and worst of the pet names you’ve encountered, and you can also tell us about your own beef and juice if you’re so inclined on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon if you would like to join us there. Shout out to the new patrons who joined us during our break!
KAYLA: Yeah, thank you!
SARAH: We have a couple new $2 patrons. Blue Turtle, Empty Toaster, and – oh wait, it’s just those two.
KAYLA: Those are also great pet names.
SARAH: (laughing) Empty toaster?
KAYLA: Excellent. Excellent stuff.
SARAH: Very good. Also good? Atomic toaster
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Yes. So shoutout to Blue Turtle and Empty Toaster. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Adam Klager, Alex Istar, AliceIsInSpace, and Ariel Laxo. Thank you to all of you. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Rosie Costello, my lovely niece, would like to promote big water bowls. Sidebar, big water bowls are lakes, for context. Rosie was swimming. My grandparents live on a lake. Rosie was swimming in the lake. We had been throwing a ball. There were geese all around, Canadian geese, those fuckers. And she had been ignoring the geese. She had just been swimming to get the ball and coming back. She was not on a line or anything because she is fairly trustworthy. I threw the ball a little too far, kind of into the geese.
KAYLA: Um.
SARAH: She got distracted by the geese, but here’s the thing: she didn’t give a shit about the geese. What she cared about were the ducks. There were also some ducks. And I guess me throwing the ball into the geese made her realize the ducks were right there for the taking. So she abandons the ball
KAYLA: Oh no
SARAH: And starts swimming after the ducks. She swims into the middle of the lake. It’s not a huge lake, but like.
KAYLA: But still.
SARAH: I have a video of it, but she’s just off in the distance chasing the ducks, and my sister and her fiancee are on the shore trying to get her to come, and she does not give a fuck. She’s like “this is the best day of my life, I’m chasing ducks”
KAYLA: I feel like your sister and her fiancee have a very hard time with their animals getting loose. Because their cat once got on the roof.
SARAH: Yeah, and apparently recently my sister’s fiancee was leaving for work, had shut the door, was going to her car, happened to turn around, saw that their cat Arugula was sitting on the sidewalk outside their apartment and she was like “how the fuck did you get there?”
KAYLA: Good
SARAH: Anyway, TLDR: eventually Rosie came back but they were concerned because she’s the kind of dog
(40:00)
SARAH: (laughing) she could be hacking up water, choking, like so tired, and she will keep swimming. She loves swimming so they were concerned she would just never come back. Or they were concerned she would get out in someone else’s yard and run onto the road or something. Anyway, eventually she came back. After that, she was banned from swimming off leash, and they got her 100 yard line from Ace Hardware that she now has to be attached to when she’s swimming. But Rosie still loves big water bowls. She really does
KAYLA: Good for her to be honest.
SARAH: Oh man. Back to our $10 patrons. Barefoot Backpacker would like to promote their podcast, travel tales from beyond the brochure, the Steve who would like to promote Ecosia, a search engine for the trees. And we have a new $10 patron! It is Zieklteo. I don’t know what it’s supposed to be. And I don’t know what you want to promote, so would you let me know? Thank you for your support. You’re cool, Zieklteo. Our other $10 patrons who are not promoting anything this week are Arcnes, Ari K, Benjamin Ybarra, Changeling and Alex the Ace cat, David Jay, David Nurse, Derek and Carissa, CinnamonToastPunch, my Aunt Jeannie, Maggie Capalbo, Martin Chiesl, Mattie, Potater, and Purple Hayes. Our $15 patrons are Andrew Hillum who would like to promote The Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Click4Caroline who would like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell who would like to promote Twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Hector Murillo who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Keziah Root – Keziah, you never told me, is it Keziah? – who would like to promote their new hyperfixation, which is starting a coffee trailer that they are far too broke to start as a 19 year old, Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla’s Aunt Nina who would like to promote @katrmaggart.art, and Sara Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere. Our $20 patrons are Sabrina Hauck, Merry Christmas Sabrina! We’re finally getting… we’re within 6 months, y’all!
KAYLA: Getting close
SARAH: And dragonfly who would like to promote my mom. Thanks for listening! Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows
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