Ep 274: Microlabels pt. 3
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SARAH: Hey, what's up, hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake but Okay a podcast where an aro ace girl, I'm Sarah, that's me
KAYLA: and a bi demisexual girl, that's me Kayla
SARAH: talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: on today's episode, microlabels part three
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds fake, but okay
(intro music)
SARAH: Welcome back to this pod.
KAYLLA: To this pod?
SARAH: This pod.
KAYLA: Wow. I was expecting us to welcome them back to a different pod.
SARAH: This week we're not the pod. We're just this pod.
KAYLA: Yeah, well usually we are like the pod
SARAH: Yeah usually
KAYLA: You're like when you think of podcasts you're like
SARAH: This is the one, sounds fake the pod.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: but today
KAYLA: Not this time
SARAH: you know, I should have said that last week
KAYLA: Why last week?
SARAH: just to set set the expectations low, you know?
KAYLA: oh, but people really liked last week.
SARAH: They did like last week.
KAYLA: I'm glad people like the reddit episodes so much because they're fun to do.
SARAH: They're fun to do.
KAYLA: They're a good time.
SARAH: They're not that much work.
KAYLA: No, they're pretty easy. Just have to look on the internet. I feel like we should start telling people to send us like wild.
SARAH: Ooh, yeah, if you see wild ones, please send them to us
KAYLA: because that's how last episode got so crazy is because Sarah was saving the ones
SARAH: I was saving them up
KAYLA: because it's always the best ones that like go viral or like yeah, are a subway surfer video on Tiktok. So
SARAH: yeah,
KAYLA: so yeah, if you see any good ones. Let it let a bitch know
SARAH: we will certainly be doing it again
KAYLA: Probably.
SARAH: Alright, Kayla. What are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: this week. We're doing what is I mean our planned final installment for micro the micro label series.
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Can always come back to it, but this is The end as I have it written out in this Google document
SARAH: It's the end of the world as we know it
KAYLA: and I guess
SARAH: And I feel fine. Do I?
KAYLA: No. And so we've done two of these episodes before just going through a different aspec micro labels and reading the definitions and reacting and discussing and we're now at the end of the alphabet because I put them alphabetically, but like I said in the other episodes if there's ones that we left out that you're like excuse me, then let us know and we can compile more for a fourth section.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: Sounds good. Let's go.
KAYLA: I was very pleased to find that I already had done the research on the end of the alphabet.
SARAH: Oh, that's so good. I'm gonna even open the document because I can't listen to things
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I have to also read them.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: okay
KAYLA: Anyways, we'll start with we have me. I guess I don't know how to pronounce this mere my-ear, mere, mere sex mere sexual
SARAH: mersexual
KAYLA: It’s M-Y-R sexual and M-Y-romantic.
SARAH: Myer? Meijer? it’s myr-sexual
KAYLA: Now we’re talking
SARAH: Sexually attracted to the midwestern grocery chain Meijer
KAYLA: that they made us cut out of our book because they said people don't know what that store is
SARAH: boo hiss, Tomato tomato tomato you could get those at Meijer. Tomatoes.
KAYLA: Yeah. Anyway, anyway, so myrsexual. It's a sexuality on the asexual spectrum in which one experiences multiple ace-spec identities. These identities could rapidly fluctuate or they could be experienced at the same time an example would be someone who is demisexual and greysexual at the same time this can often create confusion when finding one's place in the on the asexual spectrum, and then for myromantic it would be this obviously the same thing but within the aromantic spectrum
SARAH: That sounds bouncy
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, I feel like we've had other microlabels that feel similarly bouncy.
SARAH: Yeah, I also feel it's it's it's a little bit hard for me to wrap my head around like experiencing multiple identities on the ace spectrum at the same time. Obviously, I'm sure that can happen like I mean they gave the example of demi and gray.
KAYLA: Yeah, I mean, we know people who identify that way like Elle Rose, Secret lady spider.
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah, I know that
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KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: I was waiting for you to finish the sentence.
KAYLA: Okay, in case other people don’t know, I don't know but like we you know, we know people
SARAH: Yeah, but yeah, I think I think for me, it's just hard to imagine what that would be like, which I, I I can see is is part of the confusion
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: that they refer to in this definition is like what is this what is happening to me? Why am I this way?
KAYLA: Yeah, but it makes sense
SARAH: because you’re a myr-maid
KAYLA: Yeah you’re a myr-maid. It makes sense to me though because I mean we've had three episodes now going through micro labels so it completely makes sense to me that there would be switches or simultaneously having different micro labels and then that… Yeah, I could definitely see that being very… Overwhelming because I know as someone with just one aspec identity. It was a lot.
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: I want to look… I'm gonna look at this one back up and see if there's any like other SARAH: Because like
KAYLA: examples of like different combinations
SARAH: Yeah, because the example is is Demi and Gray at the same time. So Demi being you don't experience attraction until you have a certain bond and gray being like it… When does it happen? If at all?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: so I guess it would just be like Demi but even rarer
KAYLA: Yeah, so I found one person on Reddit. They’re talking about being gray and Demi. I just found someone's like about me It's myrsexualculture is on tumblr. They're like pinned about me because they are myr they identify as myrsexual, demisexual, aegosexual and ace-flux. So let's go back and see which ones those are. So ace flux was the one where it's like your It changes it stays
SARAH: It changes but it stays
KAYLA: on the ace spectrum. Yeah, and then aego sexual was They feel a disconnection between themselves and the subject of arousal
SARAH: Right, okay.
KAYLA: So yeah, I mean a lot of these make sense. I can see how a lot of these micro labels stack up because they don't really conflict, you know
SARAH: Right like just because they're all under the same umbrella doesn't mean that you can't have multiple of them because
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: you can be fucking gray-a and also aego and also leggo my aego
KAYLA: Exactly you just collect them like pokemen
SARAH: poke women poke people
KAYLA: poke people
SARAH: poke enbies
KAYLA: Perfect. Any more thoughts on this?
SARAH: No
KAYLA: cool. The next one is maybe my favorite name of one
SARAH: (laughing) it's very good
KAYLA: Orchid sexual/orchid romantic. So that's someone who experiences sexual indoor romantic attraction, But does not desire a sexual and/or romantic relationship or encounter. Sarah's showing me her orchid, which is again headless
SARAH: That's what happens. They go through like phases. We have another orchid in the other room that that does have flowers right now, but I'm not gonna go and get it
KAYLA: I believe you but I do remember when we moved into college that your orchid got decapitated in the car
SARAH: I decapitated my orchid
KAYLA: I'm content in continual amazement of your ability to keep orchids alive and thriving because I always hear that they're like the worst plants to keep alive and you do a great job.
SARAH: I don't know how this is alive
KAYLA: That's really the case with a lot of your plants though thinking back
SARAH: I Had I used to be a lot better at watering my orchids. But I have sometimes I just don't water this puppy for a really long time and then I'm like, oh, you don't look good
KAYLA: I mean, maybe that's the trick.
SARAH: It's just kind of like ignoring it. Yeah, maybe I maybe I could have like succulents again because I think my problem was that I was over watering them
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: anyway
KAYLA: well with orchids you just do the ice cube. Right?
SARAH: I don't know do the ice cube anymore. I just do a nice cube an ice cube amount, Glop of water
KAYLA: She’s too good for it. Okay. Anyway
SARAH: anyway, I'm really really curious about where the name for this case
KAYLA: I am too. I'm gonna look it back up
SARAH: Because I think this is like a very. Like this is not something I knew had a name because I we often talk about on this podcast.
KAYLA: So it's like, yeah, you can be like ace or aro, but still wait it's you do want it
SARAH: Yeah, so it's it's the opposite of an aro ace wanting relationships, it's If you do experience sexual attraction, but you don't want
KAYLA: I read it the opposite.
SARAH: Don't want encounters or relationships.
KAYLA: Okay. I understand
SARAH: this this one's also really interesting because obviously, yes, it is under the aspec umbrella but you don't have to be in any other way aspec to take on this particular… Like
KAYLA: yes
SARAH: like you could be homosexual
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SARAH: And not have any other aspec identifiers, but this one…
KAYLA: Yeah, it is very interesting to me because it's not really about your like who you're attracted to It's more your desire for like whether you want to take part in those actions It's yeah
SARAH: to me. It's like I imagine like you have under our little umbrella of aspec identities. You have like the the aspec identities and then the orchidsexuals and orchidromantics are just like holding hands with our community
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: we're just we're joining together under the umbrella holding hands. Because like it is in terms of the actual attraction. It is allo
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: but what you do with that attraction is very aspec coded which is why seems to fall under this umbrella of aspecness.
KAYLA: Yeah, so I found a discussion on AVEN about what it is. And there does seem to be some confusion about the definition
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: about how you experience the attraction, but you don't have like the words attraction and desire being used. People are kind of going back and forth about like, okay. Well, what do you mean by attraction to desire? Because they're saying like if you mean you feel sexual attraction slash a desire for partnered sex But have no desire to actually engage in sex and that would be like celibacy.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And so then I don't know this one
SARAH: Well but celibacy… Not necessarily that is a form of celibacy
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: you could also be celibate and Not to like be like well incels, but like yeah, like there's like you can desire something but not… The way you said it. I'm just – pretend I repeated that
KAYLA: okay
SARAH: and said and made I can't regurgitate what you just explained I understand it can't regurgitate it
KAYLA: Understandable. People are also saying that, so I think
SARAH: Mmm, that's your first mistake
KAYLA: That is a mistake. And so like reading it without like mixing the sexual and romantic definition together. It says orchidsexual is when an individual feels sexual attraction, but does not desire a sexual relationship, so then people in this discussion are talking about how it's like a friends with benefits thing. Like they desired sex maybe but not sex in a relationship? I don’t know
SARAH: I took it to understand that they experience attraction, but have no desire to engage in the act. That’s how I took it
KAYLA: That is how I took it too
SARAH: because I feel like that's a whole other thing if you experience sexual. I feel like that's almost like allosexual maybe on the aro spectrum? If it was just like cool with friends with benefits, but not… you know what I mean?
KAYLA: Yeah, yeah, I don't know this one is, I will be honest, a little confusing to me. I would love to hear from someone who is orchidsexual or orchidromantic
SARAH: I would also love to know about the etymology
KAYLA: Yeah, all I found is like orchids stand for love and sex.
SARAH: Great
KAYLA: Because they look like a vagina, I guess
SARAH: Mm. Okay
KAYLA: So. Yeah, so hit us up. Let me do one last look at google to see if there's anything else helpful. Well, now I just found something weird about the flower orchids and something weirdly sexual they're doing
SARAH: Orchid orchid sexual was named after the orchid flower. Okay. I need more details
KAYLA: Orchid sexual to several words orchidsexual deceit provokes ejaculation. This is the name of a scientific article.
SARAH: I would like to leave. Okay, no here both the orchid romantic and orchid sexual Wiki pages are just like they're named after the orchid flower. The flower is often used to symbolize love, sex, and fertility. That doesn't help me! I want to know specifically. Anyway
KAYLA: okay, can I read you a very long Reddit comment?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: okay. So this person said apologize in advance for the wall of text. Hope this is not offensive to anyone in any way. But I feel the need to preemptively defend my decision my position that orchid sexual is not an ace microlabel. Hopefully this covers a bunch of points at once. I'm really uncomfortable with the idea of asexuality becoming
(15:00)
KAYLA: disconnected from sexual attraction as a concept. Okay, a typical reason people give for saying orchid sexuals are ace is because their experience of the world of sex is similar to that of an ace, feeling broken/being confused by people wanting sex, etc. Understanding and empathizing with the ace experience on its own does not make a person ace any more than understanding and empathizing with a gay person's experience makes you gay. The running definition implies that an allosexual person is only allo if they buy into amatonormativity. And that simply isn't the case. There are many allo people who do not buy into amatonormativity in the same way that there are many straight people do not buy into heteronormativity and yet are still entirely heterosexual. There are allo people who are not obsessed with sex who feel broken because of it, allo people who are not willing to have sex for a myriad of reasons, allo people who align with the ace experience in many ways and those experiences don't invalidate their allosexuality in any shape or form. It's not to say there isn't a place for orchid sexuals here if they feel safe and validated in this community. They absolutely are. I want that for them, but it isn't right to use a label which by its inherent definition implies you lack sexual attraction if they in fact have fully normative sexual attraction, and are not getting confused with gray experiences of attraction, allo people who are aligned against toxic amatonormativity are closer to us in many ways than other queer people who buy into amatonormativity. But orchid sexual is an allo micro label not an ace one
SARAH: Okay, I have found a different reddit thread
KAYLA: Slay
SARAH: where this person has said that all of the orchid sexual people I have encountered are gray ace and they use the orchid micro label because even when they do experience rare case sexual attraction they have absolutely no desire to act on the feeling
KAYLA: interesting, okay
SARAH: so to me having orchidsexual or orchidromantic in conjunction with another aspec identity makes a lot of sense to me.
KAYLA: Yeah, that makes a lot more sense
SARAH: I think that's like when I when you first like when we first went over it, I was like, okay So you could just be totally allo and also this
KAYLA: right
SARAH: and I think that seems to be the point of contention within the community of like, whether if you are both allo in every other way and also this. Does it count as aspec or is it just an allo micro label? But if you are aspec and also this obviously you're aspec and that's kind of what the what the disconnect is. Hi, this is Sarah from the future I just wanted to add something that was in my head at the time, but that I did not articulate very well, which was that this is a lot to me like being a gray asexual, sex averse person, or sex repulsed person, just not in as extreme of terms and as someone who does occasionally experience that attraction rather than, just a straight asexual person, straight meaning simply asexual not hetero, who… You get it. So this person says I like to consider orchids as ace-adjacent as I said holding hands
KAYLA: Yes, okay. I feel a lot more educated now.
SARAH:I have one more thing to say
KAYLA: I wish you would
SARAH: okay. This person says it's a problem with the definition. In the english-speaking community. The most common definition is feeling rare or no sexual attraction.
KAYLA: The definition of asexuality?
SARAH: now i'm confused because I think that's what they mean.
KAYLA: (laughing) Okay
SARAH: I think they're talking about the definition of asexuality. Yes, yes, they are. Okay. So in the english-speaking community the most common definition for asexuality is feeling rare or no sexual attraction. In Germany we use a definition that is a little more flexible rare or no sexual attraction or rare or no sexual desire. This includes orchid sexuals and other people who don't feel the desire to engage in sexual activities despite feeling sexual attraction. The exact definition is a big controversy among the community. My personal take is everybody who can relate to the asexual community and feels the term aspec describes them should be allowed in. We are stronger together and the aspec community is a large and diverse spectrum. I think it's a bit unfortunate that asexual can both describe the spectrum as a whole and the people who do not feel sexual attraction at all. This is a cause for many misunderstandings and anger. I would personally prefer to use asexual only for the no attraction people and aspec for the whole spectrum less confusion, in my honest opinion, but I wouldn't gatekeep anyone who wants to call themselves asexual. It's not my place to decide their label
KAYLA: interesting
SARAH: I think it is a really interesting point that I definitely could probably do a whole other podcast on this about like the fact that the community is often called the asexual community, but it encompasses way more than that, and not everyone in the community is asexual. Let's write that down. Hold on
(laughter)
KAYLA: That is just a really interesting note about language too
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KAYLA: because I think obviously with this one in particular, we're getting really wrapped up in the language of the definition. Which does get really confusing and I know it's especially confusing for non-english-speaking countries when I think a lot of the like popular definitions come out of English-speaking countries or like the community is dominated by those countries and so it's… that translation gets very difficult,
SARAH: right, and if those other countries or other people speaking in other languages if they have their own independent communities those definitions may evolve independently of the English-speaking definitions, but be the same word. And so I think that's a really interesting... I mean, that's also just it's a language thing like that's just…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: funky. Now I want to read this stuff in German and see if I can actually read it
KAYLA: Get back into German just for the podcast. Next?
SARAH: Onward!
KAYLA: okay. So the next one is placio… Placio, uh, we'll start with placiosexual. So that's someone who enjoys performing sexual acts for other individuals, but does not want them reciprocated. They may be sex neutral or sex repulsed when it comes to having sexual acts performed on them. I guess I'm not sure exactly how that would translate to romantic. Let me look up if there's a specific
SARAH: I guess you would you would like to perform romantic, romance things?
KAYLA: Okay, yeah. So a person who feels little to no desire to be the receiver of romantic gestures, But expresses interest less desire and performing them. I guess…
SARAH: how do we define romantic gestures? Like is kissing a romantic gesture?
KAYLA: because that's like a – you need two people
SARAH: right
KAYLA: I don't know because like obviously for… You know some sex acts you need
SARAH: Right
KAYLA: for some reason to me it feels easier to have a one-sided sexual like I'll give but not receive then romantic
SARAH: It does
KAYLA: Because like you can't, you can't hold hands but not be involved. You know what I mean?
SARAH: I also think well, because I think there are a lot of different sexual acts that require KAYLA: Lots of options
SARAH: require different amounts of collaboration.
KAYLA: Yeah participation from yeah
SARAH: And I think also sexual acts are very clearly defined. We know what a sexual act is
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Whereas the whole problem with romance and romantic attraction or romantic acts is like what is that? What does that mean?
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: Is holding hands romance? Is kissing romance?
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: But is kissing also sex and is holding hands also platonic and also familial and like it's complicated
KAYLA: Right because I'm like because I even thinking of like broad romantic gestures of like getting you flowers or like making a reservation or whatever. To me that still feels like you're involved
SARAH: I made a reservation for my boss today
KAYLA: Well, I have bad news for you.
SARAH: I got paid for that. Does that mean
KAYLA: well
SARAH: I am a romance worker?
KAYLA: Yes, you are a romance escort.
SARAH: I made a reservation for my boss and a female…
KAYLA: Uh oh
SARAH: What's it called not like a co-worker because they're not they're not the same
KAYLA: client?
SARAH: No, like a like a person who works in the same field as you
KAYLA: A peer?
SARAH: Sure
KAYLA: a connection?
SARAH: Uh, I can't no words. They’re gone
KAYLA: a business contact
SARAH: (from the future) Fucking colleague. I was just trying to say colleague.
KAYLA: Anyway, I feel like I've heard of this before but is it it's like the paper and the stone
SARAH: Yeah, I was gonna say isn't this the same or we talked about this similar to
KAYLA: We talked about this last time with
SARAH: lith, Lithosexual
KAYLA: Yes, and so it's interesting to me because we talked about this at the end of last episode how lithosexual and lithoromantic are sometimes called a akoisexual and akoiromantic, but there's some controversy there about whether some of those words were like taken from the lesbian community, and so it's interesting to be that that same discussion doesn't seem to be had about this when they seem to be like kind of opposite sides of the same coin.
SARAH: I'm just kind of curious about why lithosexual and lithromantic we're just gonna we're just gonna stick with the sexual one because it's easier to not name. Lith and Akoi are clumped together
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SARAH: but placio is not like… why it is considered separate from those two things? Because to me looking at these definitions the only real difference that I see – again these are like two sentence definitions
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: but the only real difference that I see is that for lith it says the lithosexual individual may be uncomfortable at the thought of someone being sexually attracted to them or they may lose their sexual feelings if they learn they're reciprocated which is not even like they will be it's like some lith sexual lithosexual people have
KAYLA: to me that to me the difference is the lith definition is someone may experience sexual attraction but does not want the sexual attraction reciprocated but with placio it's they enjoy performing sexual acts but don't want the acts were reciprocated so it's the attraction
SARAH: it's the opposite of a pillow princess
KAYLA: yes so it's like for lith people it's the fact that someone else might be attracted to them
SARAH: Yeah you’re right it’s about attraction
KAYLA: is someone comfortable with placio it's like the act of doing sex or romance right so they are like they the there is
SARAH: they're close
KAYLA: similarity to it
SARAH: they have a common ancestor, a recent common ancestor
KAYLA: yes
SARAH: which is the banana
KAYLA: oh yeah?
SARAH: yeah we share like 95% of our DNA with bananas
KAYLA: but like current bananas or the old bananas that are extinct now?
SARAH: do you ever think about how when Captain America woke up from the ice, imagine he was like oh my god I want a banana
KAYLA: it tastes different now
SARAH: and then they gave him a banana and he was like what the fuck is this?
KAYLA: but he could you have some banana flavored stuff and that would still taste like old banana
SARAH: is that what old banana?
KAYLA: so the reason you know like you ever have like a banana popsicle
SARAH: Okay can we get a little context?
KAYLA: or like a runt
SARAH: can we get a little context
KAYLA: how it's, how do you need more context than this?
SARAH: I'm giving it so there used to be a lot of different types of bananas but then in like the 40s and 50s at least in the US I can't speak for other places. I also don't understand the difference between plantains and bananas
KAYLA: I don’t either. Bigger?
SARAH: but I don't understand – but bigger and brown
KAYLA: sweeter
SARAH: anyway they basically made it so that all of our bananas are now one
KAYLA: one super banana
SARAH: one super banana that they all taste the same. They bred all of the bananas together and ruins the banana diversity
KAYLA: yes so for my understanding like if you eat like a runt like the hard candy okay you know what a runt is
SARAH: yep
KAYLA: the banana one or like a banana popsicle the reason it doesn't taste like banana and you're like ew gross is because that's all because. That's old banana taste
SARAH: yeah well here's the thing I don't eat anything banana flavored so I couldn't
KAYLA: it's because it's bad
SARAH: well also just because like X-flavored things never really taste like X
KAYLA: right
SARAH: like if I try to
KAYLA: blue raspberry it never tastes like a blue raspberry
SARAH: like I like cherry flavored things I'm drinking cherry coke right now
KAYLA: she just took a sip
SARAH: I don't think I've ever had a cherry in my life actually
KAYLA: well then how would you know?
SARAH: I’m too neurodivergent for that shit
KAYLA:I wonder you know how there's like a bunch of different flavors of like like Fanta or Fago I would love to do a taste test where I have to say which fruit it is because it's like do I know a cherry versus a raspberry flavored thing maybe
SARAH: grape flavored things don't taste like grapes
KAYLA: but they do taste good
SARAH: they do grapes don't have a strong flavor
KAYLA: they’re pretty watery
SARAH: yeah I was recently talking to someone about well they were talking about the gentrification of…
KAYLA: bananas?
SARAH: no no no of fuck what's it called
KAYLA: even when we do serious episode like I'm just thinking about what if someone stumbled upon this episode they're like I want to learn
SARAH: agua fresca
KAYLA: now what’s that?
SARAH: Agua fresca is like fruit water okay like the translations here are saying this is a cucumber lime cooler or cucumber lime made but also it's kind of been gentrified also by some places who are calling it spa water
KAYLA: like when you put a cucumber in the water?
SARAH: uh-huh. They're like this is spa water
KAYLA: that seems different
SARAH: that's shitty agua fresca. I was I was talking recently to a friend who is half Mexican half Guatemalan and so she had a lot of thoughts on this topic, but I don't remember oh but I was asking I was like because I have never had like
(30:00)
SARAH: cucumber water doesn't appeal me and I was like but what does cucumber like there is no cute like lemon water, yeah you get a little splash of lemon but cucumber, cucumber doesn't taste like much
KAYLA: I will say if you put enough cucumber in water the water will taste like a cucumber
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: it's we decided it's it's like an after-taste situation really
KAYLA: yeah I can see that
SARAH: Yeah, anyway now that we've talked about cucumbers
KAYLA: next we have recipriosexual/recipriomantic, reciprocal
SARAH: Recipromantic
KAYLA: Recipromantic someone who does not experience sexual or romantic attraction unless they know the other individual is attracted to them first
SARAH: can't get your heart broken, well you still definitely can
KAYLA: well you still definitely can
SARAH: you still absolutely fucking can
KAYLA: tell me I wonder like what the like impetus is I guess. Is that like that you would you never thought about that person in that way until they expressed it and then you're like oh like
SARAH: I can imagine that. I can take that into a consideration
KAYLA: I like you know you know what I mean yeah like what is it that makes it that way?
SARAH: yeah are they just like maybe I'm romantically into you or I'm sexually into you but I'm not romantically into you but then you show that you have interest in me and I'm like huh?
KAYLA: that's what I'm cuz like
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: I can see that yeah
SARAH: if anyone is that thing let us know
KAYLA: let me look at the let me look at the old reddit a reciprosexual or recipromantic… no comments? well then how do I know if this person's question got answered? I'm not finding much
SARAH: okay
KAYLA: helpful
SARAH: well if you want us
KAYLA: I want like personal yeah I want
SARAH: I want anecdotes
KAYLA: it makes it easier to understand when there's a person you know?
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA:but we move
SARAH: Yeah example
KAYLA: I love an example. The next one is requis-sexual – sexual requis sexual or requisromantic defined as someone who has limited or no attraction or interest in the activity due to some form of emotional exhaustion. This emotional exhaustion may be the result of previous sexual romantic endeavors or past experiences dealing with sex or romance or from something else that is emotionally draining.
SARAH: This reminds me a lot of people who feel that they identify as aspec because of a past experience
KAYLA: yes isn't there a word for that? Didn’t we do that one? Or is that this?
SARAH: I don't even know how to read
KAYLA: I remember – the problem is we've done there's so many that we've done now that I'm getting them all mixed up but
SARAH: oh it's caed – caedsexual or caedromantic
KAYLA: it's sort of like that but it's this is emotional
SARAH: yeah this is more emotional rather than like specific trauma
KAYLA: Right. so yeah caedsexual or caedromantic as a reminder was someone who doesn't feel that who feels they were allosexual at one point but it was cut away from them due to past trauma so
SARAH: yeah this one feels like it's more open to like what could have caused it
SARAH: and it's also seems to be that not not to say that a caed sexual person couldn't regain
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: some sense of allo-ness in the future but this seems more open to that like it seems
KAYLA: yes, more fluid
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: yeah well there you have it.
SARAH: there you have it
KAYLA: I really like definitions like this being part of the aspec community. I know we had this same discussion where we're talking about caedsexual in episode one of this but there's just so many people that I feel like come to us or talk in the aspec community of like can I be part of the community because I –
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: first of all sure the more the merrier, but like you know I have past trauma or I have you know something that happened to me that makes me feel ace but like am I allowed in if I wasn't like quote unquote born this way? But I really like that these are labels within that can be like we don't care why you identify this way or why you want to be part of the community? Like like that person on reddit was saying
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: like if you feel akin to this community in some way then like yeah who's it harming that you're in here?
SARAH: Born this way, or forged in fire, or forged in exhaustion or forged in trauma
KAYLA: So true.
SARAH: alright we got one more
KAYLA: one more! the last one is quoisexual or quoiromantic also known as nebula sexual
SARAH: I had never heard nebula
KAYLA: or nebula romantic also known as. I hadn’t either but I like it
SARAH: I like it
KAYLA: also known as what the fuck sexual
KAYLA: or wtf sexual or wtf romantic
SARAH: it's funny because to say wtf sexual
(35:00)
SARAH: is more syllables than what the fuck sexual
KAYLA: and it's well and I this the evolution of this language is very interesting to me because I feel like
SARAH: nebula is so fun. I'm imagining just like
KAYLA: like a little blobby blob
SARAH: I'm being like one of those little grasses in the water right now
KAYLA: a seaweed
SARAH: A seaweed
KAYLA: or like a car dealership
SARAH:or a car dealership blow up gentlemen
KAYLA: that's a little more chaotic. That's nice. She's doing it. The evolution of language here is interesting to me because I remember when you were first figuring out your identities you were like I might be like wtf romantic and that was like how it was known
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: and but obviously that's not like the easiest or most like official sounding name so it's just cool to see the evolution of language for it to get like a more I don't know sexuality romantic orientation sounding name
SARAH: yeah I like I don't want to say that wtf as a prefix isn't serious because it is a serious feeling and it is what
KAYLA: right
SARAH: happens
KAYLA: however it is what it feels like
SARAH: people may not necessarily take it as seriously if
KAYLA: right and like I'm pretty sure means what in French so it's still like what sexual what which is to me even funnier
SARAH: yeah it means what. In my American ass brain wants to be like koi?
KAYLA: koi sexual. Okay so this one is being unsure what sexual and or romantic attraction is and therefore being unsure if you've ever experienced it finding the concept of sexuality sexual attraction slash romantic orientation inaccessible, inapplicable or nonsensible, being unable to understand attraction as a concept or feeling, disidentifying with the concept of sexual romantic attraction either as a social construct or something potentially applicable to yourself. Questioning one sexuality for such a long time that questioning itself becomes the identity
SARAH: (laughing) I fucking love that
KAYLA: and having difficulty distinguishing sexual or romantic attraction from other types of attraction well also within the where it says that the questioning itself becomes identity.
SARAH: also says rather than a path towards any other identity
KAYLA: yes
SARAH: like it is okay if quoisexual nebula sexual WTF sexual or romantic like if that is the end result for you that's okay
KAYLA: yeah questioning can also be the end. Like I think there's so many people that just identify as queer as a blanket term because they're like I don’t…
SARAH: I don’t know
KAYLA: this is it this is it now yeah I think this is
SARAH: I think this is such an interesting and important identity within the aspec community KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: not just because I identified with it for a while but like
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: I think a lot of people identify with it and a lot of people use it as a stepping stone as we said it can absolutely
KAYLA: also be the last stone
SARAH: yeah but I think you know at first like if you read just read just that first definition of like being unsure what sexual attraction is I'm sure there are all our sorts of naysayers out there who could be like well does anyone know what it's? like no you fucking know what we're talking about
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: we mean people who cannot define it for themselves like it's it's hard to define it in a broad social societal overarching way. It's hard to do that but most people can define what it feels like for themselves either to experience it, or to not experience it and people who identify this way don't fucking know
KAYLA: yeah well I think it especially makes sense for romantic orientations because it is so confusing figuring out like we were just talking about the difference between romance and platonic feelings
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: that makes complete sense
SARAH: is this a crush? Is this a squish? Am I a human person?
KAYLA: what yeah I think this identity I think just says so much about the community in general first about just like the general confusion that I feel like we all have
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: whether you have like picked a label that is not this I feel like people still have that confusion
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: but also I just really like it as like I think it says a lot about like the ethos of the community of like yeah man, I don't know and that's okay fuck it we ball
SARAH: if your identity is just question mark? Lit.
KAYLA :yeah quoi?
SARAH: quoi, yeah and if if you don't if you try to understand and you don't understand and you can't make yourself understand
(40:00)
SARAH: don't. you don't have to push it
KAYLA: yeah don't hurt don't hurt your brain, you got other things to think about
SARAH: it's okay we have like taxes and shit
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: like it's okay
KAYLA: don't worry about it baby girl
SARAH: so I think this one is fun and funky and fresh
KAYLA: I agree. That's it. That's the end of my list
SARAH: that's our micro labels.
KAYLA: That's our micro labels, our maxi list of micro labels
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: if any of these apply to you again would love to hear your personal experience. I'm very very interested sorry about my confusion and also if you have other ones we didn't cover
SARAH: yeah let us know
KAYLA: Let us know, and we'll start a list and when we get enough we can do another installment
SARAH: I have a poll
KAYLA: it's such an early, so early!
SARAH: I know but I just it's I have it came
KAYLA: it came to you like a prophecy
SARAH: it came to me a little while ago. Do you think that people who are orchidsexual or orchid romantic but do not have any other aspec identity do you think they are part of the aspec community?
KAYLA: Hm. it's questions like these that make me appreciate we don't do polls on Twitter anymore
SARAH: on Twitter anymore
KAYLA: well because it was so easy for them to get out of context yeah but I feel like the only people that look at our polls on our stories now are people that like actually listen and want to answer so
SARAH: and like if you repost someone's story you either have to be tagged or you have to screenshot it
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: and then like because if you retweet a tweet like people can
KAYLA: anyone could see
SARAH: people can get to the original tweet very easily but like if someone screenshots it and posts it wherever like they would have to come find us and
KAYLA: And then yell at us
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: yeah yeah
SARAH: Twitter what a horrible place
KAYLA: RIP
SARAH: and yet I'm still there every day for my little guys for my little guys um do you have anything else we want to say? or I just got real excited and we jumped to the poll
KAYLA: I mean I didn't think I have anything
SARAH: slay
KAYLA: I learned a lot we learned so much and I had fun.
SARAH: I hope you learned something too, and if you didn't? Jesus Christ you know too much
KAYLA: yeah for real
SARAH: he's done a crapper
KAYLA: you you should be doing this podcast if you already knew all that I feel like aren't you doing you should be maybe doing this instead
SARAH: cucumber water. Thoughts?
KAYLA: Thoughts?
SARAH: old bananas. thoughts? do you think spa water is just gentrified agua fresca?
KAYLA: I think I'm gonna I need to look more into what real agua fresca is
SARAH: maybe you can have some when you come here you can also eat a plantain – the guy
KAYLA: I have eaten the plantain
KAYLA: okay but
SARAH: the guy that I bought churros from recently also was selling plantains
KAYLA: I'm not a big plantain guy
SARAH: I have to be honest never had a plantain
KAYLA: they’re like I really like sweet food but the kind of sweet they are just like it isn't for me I don't quite know why
SARAH: I see
KAYLA: I think it's the syrupy-ness I'm not a syrup guy it's like syrup
SARAH: it’s a syrupy fruit product?
KAYLA: well I guess when eaten in a dessert fashion
SARAH: let me hold on like there's you know there's lots of ways to eat a plantain I was just thinking of the dessert
KAYLA: no I was most recently confronted with a dessert style of plantain so that's why I was – yeah they're all like, oh like fried plantain yeah or it's yeah they're like fried or caramelized so it's like there's a lot of you know like when you caramelize a fruit
SARAH: Also okay plantains you can eat them unripe when they're green and they're not as
KAYLA: You can eat bananas that way too
SARAH: well yeah but it's gross
KAYLA: Just saying
SARAH: but they're much, they have like a more concentrated sweet flavor when they're ripe
KAYLA: interesting. They're just the type of sweet they are
SARAH: Not for you
KAYLA: it's not for me but yeah fried plantains are like you know like they're syrupy in the way that like a candied fruit would be. You've never eaten a candied fruit
SARAH: (laughing) No
KAYLA: so I don't know what I'm saying. I'm also sure that people are gonna be like this fucking idiot that's not what a plantain is
SARAH: These fucking white people
KAYLA: I'm sorry. I – plantains came into my life late in my life and I didn't like them
(45:00)
KAYLA: so I really haven't spent much time understanding how they work
SARAH: and if you were gonna look at us and say you just haven't had the right plantain think about if I said man instead of plantain
KAYLA: oh I see
SARAH you get it?
KAYLA: I get it also like I feel like I've got I've tried plantains from like good places
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: like if I didn't like Freida Potito’s plantains then like that was what I'm gonna like yeah that's actually
SARAH: yeah and I am afraid of every food. it doesn't matter where it's from
KAYLA: I know it doesn’t
SARAH: Fear in my heart
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: okay cool you can tell us about nope well you can – plantains. What's your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: oh my god. my beef is I'm so so sleepy in my bone, sleepy in my bones
SARAH: in your bone?
KAYLA: I have the bone eepies this is a new type of eepy that Dean and I developed while we were in Europe walking a lot it's when the eepiness is so deep it gets in your bones
SARAH: bone marrow eepy
KAYLA: like a bone disease yeah. My juice is it's finally getting cold here it's feeling like fall but then my other beef is that I'm traveling for work this week to by the time you hear this I'm arched back for recording this on Monday because I'm traveling for work lol but I'm going to Baltimore this week and it's gonna be like hot there and I'm like but it's cold at home so what am I doing?
SARAH: suffering?
KAYLA: Anyway, I am
SARAH: Do you have juice?
KAYLA: I said it! it's cold and then it turned into another beef
SARAH: I never fucking remember it
KAYLA: she doesn't listen. She doesn't listen
SARAH: my beef is it they're taking my little guy away
KAYLA: I feel like every couple months there's – you do the same
SARAH: and I had this beef a couple weeks ago but now we have a date
KAYLA: mmm
SARAH: and I it seems we don't have full full confirmation but it seems like he is doing social service rather than regular militia we're talking Yoongi we're talking about BTS
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: he's starting he's entering the military but
KAYLA: what is that? What does social service mean? What’s that mean
SARAH: it means he's gone for longer
KAYLA: why would he do that?
SARAH: a couple reasons it's basically more of like a nine-to-five situation
KAYLA: I see
SARAH: basically you're working a nine-to-five for the Korean government
KAYLA: Yuck
SARAH: some people who some people do it for like health reasons like he has a fucked up shoulder and
KAYLA: Yeah that makes sense
SARAH: he got surgery on said fucked up shoulder but like depending on what the physical like he can still like dance and do his BTS things but
KAYLA: yeah.
SARAH: I don't know that he could lift a
KAYLA: military level
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: yeah I don't know why I don't know why I said boat
KAYLA: I mean you know you never know or like for another example is when Taemin joined the military he started out in regular military and it was really bad for his mental health and so he made the decision to switch over to social service
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: because it was just better for him but it means he's like he might not have to shave his hair right away, because when they do social service, they do a bunch of it and then they have like a shortened basic training and then they have more social service rather than starting with basic training so like he might still have hair
KAYLA: I love all the considerations that go into this
SARAH: yeah we're gonna he's listen it's important that we get all of our egg pics. We need to know what their heads are shaped like um but so like he will. We will kind of maybe have more access to him a little bit but also he's gonna be gone for potentially 21 months instead of 18.
KAYLA: 21
SARAH: so
KAYLA: I'm sorry for your loss
SARAH: thank you by the time this pod is out he'll be gone
KAYLA: I'll be thinking of you and your family
SARAH: he will be in the custody of the Korean military. My other beef is that it's cooling down here too which is really nice. It's not gonna stay that way but it's nice for now
KAYLA: if it's not cold when I get there I'm going to personally kill you
SARAH: It won’t be and the… but yesterday it was really warm in my apartment because we don't like to run the AC all the time because it's so expensive. Our electric bill in August was so expensive, and so I was like
(50:00)
SARAH: oh amazing it's below 70 outside. I can like open a window and then I opened the window and I said ugh then I closed the window and then I checked the weather app and it was 85 percent humidity
KAYLA: oh yum
SARAH: and I said in this SoCal? This was not what I was sold on this is not what the people told me to expect
KAYLA: sometimes I do look at the weather back in Louisiana and that does make me feel better about my situation
SARAH: not the so Cal I was promised why am I being ravaged by mosquitoes I don't even go outside
KAYLA: it's been a very buggy summer
SARAH: yeah me too bro
KAYLA: big bug
SARAH: big bug summer, anyway my juice is
KAYLA: anyway my juices my juices I'm coming to your birthday party
SARAH: Kayla is coming to my birthday party
KAYLA: she didn't put me as one of the attractions on her invite which I found –
SARAH: Only like three people, not even three people know you
KAYLA: but like… So?
SARAH: should they all know you?
KAYLA: yeah they should
SARAH: everyone should know of you?
KAYLA: Everyone should know me it's not true I don't want that at all
SARAH: please don't yeah sure. Yeah that's my juice
KAYLA: you're welcome
SARAH: thanks you can tell us your beef your juice your plantains on our social media @soundsfakepod we also have a patreon. Patreon.com/soundsfakepod because we're recording this on Monday I was like oh I should probably not read the patrons and do it later but then I was like future me will fucking hate myself and also I will probably forget the outro of the podcast if I don't have the doc in front of me so I'm gonna do it anyway.
KAYLA: okay
SARAH: another page so if you become a patron in the next five days you’re fresh out of luck my doc
KAYLA: shut up out of them
SARAH: are if you ever want to become a patron early in the week early in the week is the time to maximize profit
KAYLA: I’ll give you a tip usually we record Wednesdays at 10:30 p.m. Eastern time
SARAH: yep
KAYLA: get them in before then
SARAH: Get them in before then! Our $5 patrons we’re promoting
KAYLA: Who cares?
SARAH: this week are Morgan Impink, Philip Rueker, Phoenix Eliot, Rachel, and Riven Lihos hosts our $10 patrons. We have a new $10 patron
KAYLA: What the? The automatic food dispenser for my cats just dispense food at an unscheduled time. I think perhaps there is a ghost in my home
SARAH: oh no you got to eat it otherwise the cats will eat it
KAYLA: the cat, the fat one already is. I'd rather the skinny one eat it if anyone's going to.
SARAH: (laughing) Don’t fat shame her
KAYLA: Is this why you’re fat? Has this been happening?
(laughter)
KAYLA: okay continue. I have a lot of investigating to do once we get off this call.
SARAH: you need to get like one of those ring cameras
KAYLA: apparently. I'm aghast right now.
SARAH: I am aghast
KAYLA: I can't believe this. There's no way okay go ahead
SARAH: anyway we have a new $10 patron it's Celina Dobson thank you so much
KAYLA: Selena Gomez thank you so much
SARAH: spelled very different from Selena Gomez
KAYLA: I know
SARAH: Okay but yes you know let us know what you want to promote for now we'll promote Selena Gomez's new single, Single Soon
KAYLA: I think it got taken off streaming services
SARAH: why?
KAYLA: I don't know
SARAH: I haven't heard it
KAYLA: People are saying it was cuz it was bad
SARAH: oh really? I just thought it was funny that it was called Single Soon
KAYLA: I know it was confusing. It was like fine
SARAH: okay well maybe I won't be about that who knows
KAYLA: I don't know if it still exists. I really don't
SARAH: our 10 other patrons who are promoting something are Martin Chiesl like to promote his album lofi beats to dream to. You gotta dream to those motherfuckers dude, purple Hayes who'd like to promote their friend’s podcast the host club, Barefoot Backpacker who’d like to promote the YouTube channel RTWbarefoot, Ruby who would like to vote their blog and Instagram @aspeculations. Oh wow I was really not in talking into my mic I'm sorry
KAYLA: You should only be sorry to yourself
SARAH: and SongOfStorm who would like to promote a healthy work life balance. I received an email this weekend that I didn't see because it was weekend, and then Monday came and someone was like why wasn't this dealt with? and I was like
KAYLA: Weekend time
SARAH: you emailed me on a Saturday morning. You emailed no one else and you didn't follow up by text it wasn't happening
KAYLA: it was never going to happen.
SARAH: Anyway our other $10 patrons are Alyson, Arcnes, Ben MacLeod, Benjamin Ybarra, Boston Smith, David Harris, Derick and Carissa, Elle Bitter, my aunt Jeannie and Maff. Our $15 patrons are Andrew Hillum who’d like to promote the Invisible Spectrum Podcast, click4caroline who’d like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell who’d like to promote twitch.tv/melodydia, Hector Murillo who’d like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person
SARAH: (talking very fast) Nathaniel J White who’d like to promote nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, kayla’s aunt Nina (stumbling on words). I was doing so well
KAYLA: You really well.
SARAH: I’m going to go back to Nathaniel White because he deserves better than this.
KAYLA: He does. He really does
SARAH: Who’d like to promote nathanieljwhitedesigns.com, Kayla’s aunt Nina who would like to promote Katemaggartart.com, and our $20 patron is dragonfly who would like to promote thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows
SARAH: Oh my god how did that end up so long?
(55:39)