Ep 198: Having a Type
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SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA: … and a demisexual girl (that’s me, Kayla)
SARAH: talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: Having a type.
BOTH: Sounds fake, but okay.
(Intro song)
SARAH: Welcome back to the Pod!
KAYLA: M’arigold?
SARAH: M’y mic is on the right setting this week.
KAYLA: I’m so proud of you.
SARAH: Thank you. I don’t know if our listeners can really hear the difference, but boy howdy, can I.
KAYLA: I mean it’s at least better than before we even got mics.
SARAH: That’s true.
KAYLA: That was a rough.
SARAH: Rough time. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week we are, by popular demand of the discord, we are talking about the concept of having a type.
SARAH: Yeah I have no fucking idea what’s going on with this episode, I still don’t really understand it.
KAYLA: I think that is part of the point.
SARAH: I think that is part of the problem, probably.
KAYLA: Let me go back and find it, somewhere in the discord people were talking about the idea of having a type.
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: Do you at least know what the concept is?
SARAH: I know what the concept is that doesn’t mean I understand it on a real, deep and emotional level.
KAYLA: I think that’s what we’re supposed to be talking about.
SARAH: Hhh.
KAYLA: Anyway. So people in the discord were kind of talking about how they did not understand the concept really, like they know what it means to ask someone if they have a type, but they didn’t really understand it and were just confused why everyone is always asking what your type is? Would you like me to read you some thoughts of the discord to help start us off?
SARAH: My dude, my guy, it is my dream for you to do that.
KAYLA: Okay… So, I was asking the discord basically, “hey we’re gonna do this episode what are your thoughts on this, what do you wanna hear us talk about?” so Barefoot Backpacker our very good friend said “How you answer the question of so what’s your type? I really go for dark hair and a British accent.’ And how do you feel when you’re asked? The expectations and allonormativity around it being such an acceptable and everyday question”
SARAH: I don’t know if I have ever been asked this question?
KAYLA: I don’t know that I have either.
SARAH: I have been asked IF I have a type. And then I just say… no. (laughs)
KAYLA: Yeah it’s interesting cause some other people were saying that “I have been asked what my type is a lot, but I’m aro and/or ace so I don’t really date and don’t have it” It is a very- type is a very interesting thing I think especially for aspec people because it is a very aesthetic thing I THINK when people are asking-
SARAH: It is, yeah.
KAYLA: what type of person- like what look do you go for.
SARAH: It’s often that it’s not entirely aesthetic because some people are like “My type is a fuckboy what’s wrong with me” but it’s often very much based in aesthetics.
KAYLA: Well so something that I thought was very interesting was that Oonalandra said in the discord was “I think you can detect that you have a pattern of people you‘re attracted to, but that said people use type to exclude people you’d normally be interested in and that’s bad. TL:DR noticing you have trend is acceptable deciding to follow that trend is bad”.
SARAH: Yeah I would agree, I think like for me, obviously there are people I find more aesthetically attractive than others but I don’t look for a pattern, but maybe there is a pattern that I’m just not seeing, but I don’t know it's interesting to me that people— I mean it’s very human to be like “I want to put this in boxes and I want to find the pattern”-- but it's just so odd to me that people often, I feel, limit themselves a lot by there type.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Or they limit other people? I don’t know.
KAYLA: It’s interesting for me because as a demisexual person you would think logically that I would not have a type, and for the longest time I was like I don’t, but it is because of patterns that I have realized that I am typically attracted to people that look a certain way—
(5:00)
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: like if you look at my current and past two partners they all kind of look the same?
SARAH: They all have some similar vibes going.
KAYLA: Yeah, which I think is what Oonalandra-
SARAH: Visual vibes.
KAYLA: You notice a pattern.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: but I don’t think personally when I was dating, I don’t know that I was ever like “well this person well this person doesn’t look like…” what’s the character? It’s not necessarily that I refuse to talk to anyone or be interested in anyone that doesn’t look like Yukon Cornelius from the Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer movie. However—!
SARAH: (simultaneously) However!
KAYLA: It has in a way worked out that way, but like, now that I think about, so there’s this trend on TikTok where people do POVs but it's basically just an acting trend, where there’s a concept of like a popular one for a while is “Oh I’m a girl and I can’t speak until my soulmate kisses me” and then it's kind of like a little skit situation whatever.
SARAH: Oh I hate those so much.
KAYLA: Yeah, but there's one that I’ve- there's a couple I’ve seen that have to do with type.
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: Like you turn 16 and you can see what your soulmate’s type and then typically the skit goes like “Well I’m not gonna change myself or dye my hair to look like my soulmate’s type because I’m different from other girls!” blah blah blah whatever.
SARAH: Yeah, ew.
KAYLA: But it's very interesting to me— a lot of those trends, honestly I think we could talk a lot about those trends in general because they have a lot to do with typically like romance and they’re done by teens so it says a lot about like how young people are socialized.
SARAH: The whole POV y/n thing is really… I’m so uncomfortable with it.
KAYLA: It’s very—
SARAH: I’m profoundly uncomfortable about it.
KAYLA: Yeah. It’s very interesting, honestly I think we could do a whole nother conversation on what is going on there, because it’s very interesting from an intellectual standpoint of like-
SARAH: Jot that down Kayla!
KAYLA: What are we all trying to — yeah, yeah I won’t. I will immediately forget — what are we trying to collectively work through by making this genre of content popular? Anyway.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But there’s a lot of them that have to do with type, of like “Oh well my soulmate says his type is a brown haired brown-eyed girl and I don’t look like that so he’s not going to like me” which doesn’t make sense, because if they’re your soulmate...?
SARAH: It’s so very silly.
KAYLA: I think it’s pretty solidified. I guess I don’t know the mechanics of this fictionalized soulmate situation.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: Anyway.
SARAH: It is so interesting to me though, that sometimes you’ll hear people being “Oh I’ve always dated this certain type or whatever, and then the first time I dated outside of this type was like when it actually stuck and was a successful relationship” and it's like oh weird, it’s almost as if...
KAYLA: Interesting!
SARAH: Huh! Funny!
KAYLA: Like, and I don’t wanna say that like aesthetic attraction isn’t important because like—
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: It is for a lot of people, like including myself, and not in a way of like someone needs to be conventionally attractive. I think aesthetic attraction in whatever you are attracted to in a person no matter of what they’re looking like, like that is important to-
SARAH: yeah.
KAYLA: a certain extent in a lot of relationships — not to everyone — so I don’t wanna say like-
SARAH: And it depends on the type of relationship too.
KAYLA: Right, like I don’t wanna say that it’s wrong for people to look at aesthetics in their relationship, because for a lot of people that is important, for a lot of aspec people maybe not so much, but yeah, I don’t know. That whole thing of What’s your type? And having a type puts just too much emphasis on that.
SARAH: Yeah and I think, I mean a lot of those stereotypes are so perpetrated in the media and with celebrities, like in Kpop it is so so common for idols to be asked in like interviews or variety shows or like you know, not like some random reporter from Daily Mail like actual reporters being like “oh so what’s your type” and it’s so heteronormative to start because...
KAYLA: I feel like I’ve seen people ask young Hollywood actresses that a lot too.
SARAH: Yeah I don’t think this is specific to Kpop-
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But it is what made me think about it recently, because I saw another one of those and it pissed me off and I was just going off about how if I was an idol and someone asked me that I would just tell them a golden retriever and I’m sure they would try and read into that like “Oh so a guy who’s really friendly” and I’d be like “no four legs and a tail, woof woof, a golden retriever please” but that’s you know that's just me (laughs) in this alternative universe where I’m somehow a Kpop idol.
(10:00)
KAYLA: But that also reminds me that type is absolutely not exclusive to like straight people.
SARAH: Mm mm.
KAYLA: I’ve seen the meme a lot about how bisexual girls always go for a fluffy-haired golden retriever gamer boy, like instead of ending up with a girl, they end up with that type of guy both in looks and personality.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And then like of course for like lesbian relationships they’re like are you looking for a masc or a fem? Which can also do with- can be to do with things like personality and the dynamics-
SARAH: Sure.
KAYLA: power structure of the relationship or whatever which gets into a lot of other things.
SARAH: Or with gay men — twinks, bears —
KAYLA: Right.
SARAH: Like all of those are just more formalized terms for what type a person is.
KAYLA: Right absolutely. And like we’re saying, it's fine to like have a — like I don’t think its abnormal to be like I prefer- I find myself to be mostly attracted to people with brown hair, or like with beards who are more muscular, but like Oonalandra was saying it becomes a problem when you’re like I MUST FOLLOW THAT TREND, like I only date mascs, even if there was a girl there was a fem that I found that I really vibed with I refuse to date her because-
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: she’s not masc or whatever.
SARAH: And that’s where people start getting uhh suspiciously racist and shit where they’re like “I would never date a person of X race because they’re just like not my type”
KAYLA: “I’m not racist”
Both: “I’m not racist but they’re just not my type”
SARAH: And it’s like “Oh fuck off!”
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Please. I don’t know it's just I’ve never- maybe it's because I don’t quite see the patterns in what my own aesthetic attraction looks like and since I don’t experience other types of attraction I just don’t quite understand types. I obviously get that people have them, but I don’t understand why they’re such a big deal, I guess.
KAYLA: So you don’t— Thinking about the celebrities maybe you find yourself most drawn to you don’t see — this kind of gets into what we were talking about in the episode about gender and aesthetic attraction like you were saying that you’re typically fond of people that are very muscular-
SARAH: Fond~
KAYLA: Fond~ Like because that is something that-
SARAH: I guess.
KAYLA: You aspire to yourself?
SARAH: I guess, I think when I think type, I think more of face? But I guess you’re right, it's not just like “I only like people who have blonde hair” But I don’t know, I don’t know it's weird to me, it's weird to me.
KAYLA: Well I also wonder, I think maybe a lot of what type comes from, people just infer like, if you lurk- if you look- if you lurk
SARAH: (whispers) if you lurk~ (Australian accent) Oh no Cleo!
KAYLA: Um, if you look a certain way that you’re going to have a certain personality or like certain interests I guess?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Which is true sometimes? Like there’s a surfer aesthetic or a skater aesthetic or whatever.
SARAH: If you dress really grungy then your personality might reflect that, but it's not prescriptive.
KAYLA: Right, I think a lot — people obviously dress in a way to express themselves, and so the way you look and put yourself together, can and probably does, express your personality.
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: But it’s very- but I think I’ve even heard people say that too “Like oh I’m always dating skater guys, all my boyfriends always skate” and it's like… well is that just because you’re in the skating community?
SARAH: Like do you skate? Maybe that's all the people you know?
KAYLA: Maybe you’re just very attracted to the idea of skating? Like what’s going on there for you?
SARAH: You just really like a dude who rides around on a board with four tiny little wheels. (laughs)
KAYLA: So hot, dude.
SARAH: Ah, yeah, I do find that I can better recognize what my type is when it comes to like fictional characters? Like the characters you decide you want to adopt you’re like “this is my son” it's not a visual thing, but the ones that I always want to adopt are the ones that are an asshole but like you know they a have a squishy little heart in there.
(15:00)
KAYLA: Mhm.
SARAH: I get that that's a type of type it's just not visual.
KAYLA: Yeah I guess its I mean it's similar to having a favorite trope or like you’re saying a favorite character archetype. Which like-
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: But it’s one thing when you’re like I will only read books from a certain genre, and being like I will only talk to people of a certain genre (laughs).
SARAH: Yeah, yeah. And also like you can’t assume that every archetype is gonna be in every book of that genre or books in that genre, only that genre contains that archetype. Like-
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: If you use that kind of prescriptivism you know that’s not… it just doesn’t make sense.
KAYLA: What do you think -do you think it's- I’m trying to figure out like why - let’s just figure out society right now.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Why type is something people are so attached to? Like why is it so common in a dating situation or like when you’re bonding with someone or gossiping with someone or trying to set someone up you ask them automatically what's your type. Do you think it's what you mentioned earlier about humans love putting shit in boxes?
SARAH: I think we like to put shit in boxes and we like to meddle and the easiest way to meddle is to, you know, cause when you’re meddling like that you’re not necessarily gonna be like “hmm” if you’re setting your friend up maybe you might do this but “hmm what kind of person would you vibe with, what kind of- it's oh you should go make out with that person” it's just a shorthand really, that’s what we do.
KAYLA: I guess now that I’m thinking about it I am also - again not that talking about types is a bad thing there’s a good and a bad way to go about it - but recently I was playing a game with my friends where we look through their dating apps and we were like making fun of people who were holding fish and shit cause we live in the south and, man, there is some wild shit in the dating apps around here. But we were looking at guys for my one friend and she was trying- she was basically talking about how - basically as we were flipping through her dating apps and looking at who she was swiping right on and who she was interested in, we were talking about what her type was and trying to guess what before she said if someone was her type.
SARAH: Mhm yeah.
KAYLA: And that is the whole thing about dating apps right?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It’s incredibly visual, I guess you can through the questions they answer and what they’re doing you can suss out a personality there, but...
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I think that’s probably a big reason why dating apps are particularly hard for aspec people.
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: If there’s not a certain type of attraction going on that type thing kinda flies out the window.
SARAH: Yeah and there's also this thing with the people that we surround ourselves with are usually people for the lack of a better term are in the same league as us, right? So we’re automatically typing everyone we see and deciding whether they are in the ‘this is an attractive person box’ or not, and this is just an extension of that, it's a more specific extension of that.
KAYLA: Yeah we are socialized as pack animals for lack of a better word.
SARAH: Mm.
KAYLA: And you know, having our in groups and stuff, and that’s where shit like racism comes in, is like you are used to your people who you are so socialized with so you obviously think your people are better and more attractive cause that’s your in group.
SARAH: And you can predict them, you can understand them.
KAYLA: And you’re more like to go for someone who looks similar to you and has similar obviously interests - that's just a compatibility thing.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But you know, a more conventional kind of attractiveness I guess.
SARAH: Comes from the same kind of background.
KAYLA: This does make me think, so recently we’ve been working on our book, we put out a survey a while ago just asking people questions that we’re going to use for the book and stuff.
SARAH: Kayla has been a saint! Kayla has been going through them all.
KAYLA: I love you all dearly, some of y’all have said some very wild shit! It’s insane, but also there’s, everyone’s answers have been very interesting, but I’ve seen a lot of people talking about as a pro of dating as an aspec person is you don’t get sidelined by things like type or things like sexual attraction and you’re able to make sure you’re dating someone because they fit your-
(20:00)
SARAH: because you wanna bone.
KAYLA: aesthetic attraction mold or because you have sexual attraction to them, yeah.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It is like dating and you’re taking out some of those extra variables that could like attract you but also kind of fuck you up a little bit-
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: If things kind of get carried too far, I guess.
SARAH: I don’t wanna say it’s objective because dating is never objective, but it- I think that is the best term we have for it.
KAYLA: And again we aren’t saying that having a type is bad or that allo people are bad at dating, but it is an interesting thing to think about, if you remove the type thing, if you remove other types of attraction all you have is like, are me and this person compatible because there isn’t some gut feeling within you drawing you to them so you get to more logical things I guess.
SARAH: I guess, that’s why we have TV shows what like The Circle and stuff where you don’t necessarily know exactly what they look like before you get to know them, so you get to know them without a face, so that changes the entire dynamic because of the way on how most human relationships work and most humans rely on visual cues.
KAYLA: And that’s like, there’s quite a few shows coming out now like that. There’s Love is Blind, there’s The Circle-
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: and then there’s this really weird one where like people go on dates with masks on-
SARAH: yeah.
KAYLA: But the masks are really weirdly made animal masks?
SARAH: The Masked Singer but dating.
KAYLA: but dating. It’s very odd. And it also makes me feel bad for furries, because everyone makes fun of furries and then they put that on Netflix and everyone is like this is fine, but furries have been doing this.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: Anyway it is an interesting concept, because I watched some of Love is Blind, and I feel like I remember some couples like really vibing in the stage where they weren’t allowed to see each other and once they met in person some of them were like “oh I don’t know what to do you’re not my type” and it's like you were just in love with them until you saw them!
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And just because they’re not the type of person you’d typically date now you’re like “Well now I’m gonna throw all of our compatibility out the window”
SARAH: Like I understand that jumping from an online only relationship to interacting in person can sometimes be a bit of weird jump especially if one or both of you is a little socially awkward, it’s harder to do things face-to-face, but if you’re like “actually I don’t like you as much anymore because you don’t have blue eyes” like what the fuck is that?
KAYLA: And like I said aesthetic attraction does play a part of things for a lot of people, of course, but to completely rule people out because of one small detail is like (whispers) what the fuck.
SARAH: In those shows do they always use their real names or do they have screen names? Because-
KAYLA: Well.
SARAH: Because depending on what your name is that could be an indicator to another person of what they expect you to look like, you know?
KAYLA: Well there’s a couple- let me school you about this.
SARAH: I’m ready to be schooled.
KAYLA: I’ve never watched The Circle but I know a lot about it because our friend Padya is obsessed with it.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: The circle is interesting because you can lie about- you are encouraged in fact -
SARAH: Right yeah.
KAYLA: To lie about who you are and use a different name. The TV show Love is Blind, it was like they could hear each other's voices, they would be in adjoining rooms basically-
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: And you knew the person's name, you could hear their voice, you just couldn’t see them. Even that, the sound of a person’s voice can tell you a lot-
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: maybe about how they are and maybe even what they look like.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So-
SARAH: I don’t know if someone’s name is Alex or their name is Aditi, like that tells you something and if you’re-
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: so weird about type, I mean maybe there is a blond haired, blue eyed person out there named Aditi, but it seems less likely.
KAYLA: I think really the bottom line is exactly of what Oonalandra said of noticing a trend is fine, having preferences is fine-
(25:00)
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: but then going so far as to rule people out and not even trying to pursue things and like prejudice people because of that-
SARAH: yeah.
KAYLA: Is like bro.
SARAH: (sing song voice) I just don’t get it~
KAYLA: I have a segment for us to do-
SARAH: Delightful!
KAYLA: here in the second half which is some online quizzes that will help us figure out our type.
SARAH: Oh my god, I can’t wait.
KAYLA: Which- which- which- I think we should just talk about this concept for a second.
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: Why would I not know my own type?
SARAH: And why would I need a quiz for that?
KAYLA: And if I don’t know my own type, why is it a problem for me?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Why is it so much of a problem for me that I have to go onto my cellular phone and ask Cosmopolitan dot com what my type is?
SARAH: W W W dot (laughs) Cosmopolitan dot com.
KAYLA: Cause to me, to me not having a type is the ideal. Wouldn’t you rather not have a type so that your -
SARAH: It makes it easier.
KAYLA: pool is like open?
SARAH: Larger pool, yeah.
KAYLA: I guess that’s kind of the idea of saying that aspec people without a type can kind of date easier because there’s so many options if you’re not limiting yourself. I just don’t understand why- I guess this is something that maybe a teen girl would do at a sleepover?
SARAH: I mean I was a teen girl who went to sleepovers and I never did this.
KAYLA: Well yeah now that’s just kind of like, I guess that’s feeding into a lot of stereotypes about teen girls.
SARAH: Yeah, god Kayla.
KAYLA: Society has fucked me up in a lot of ways. Sorry. Here’s the thing, it seems like in the movies about teen sleepovers-
SARAH: Yeah that’s fair.
KAYLA: this is what they would have them doing.
SARAH: The stereotypes about teen sleepovers.
KAYLA: Personally, I never did this at a teen sleepover. Anyway, Sarah, “do you view dating as a way to whittle down what you don’t want in a partner, or learn what you do want in a partner?”
SARAH: Umm, learn what I do want.
KAYLA: I agree. That is what 79% of people said.
SARAH: Mm! These kinds of quizzes are always weird for me because-
KAYLA: (laughing) because you don’t have an answer?
SARAH: Yeah, well, they- they- run on the assumption that you experience romantic/sexual/both attraction-
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: So it's like I have to fabricate a different version of myself that’s allo, and just try and guess what an allo-me would think. It’s weird. It’s hard.
KAYLA: Actually, let me- I want to read the intro to this quiz too because this is funny.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: So the quiz is called Quiz: Do You Have A Type, “Some people have types others don’t, which kind of person are you?” So this I think is a quiz of just figuring out if we have a type at all, not what that type is, which is interesting-
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because I feel like I should be able to figure that out on my own. “The list of types is endless but figuring out if you have a type is actually quite simple, you either do or you don’t” Yes that’s what I just said, “some people’s dating lives follow a straight line of very similar people and that’s fine, while others have others have dating lives representing a scatter plot”
SARAH: I like the visuals here.
KAYLA: Yeah it’s very-
SARAH: Like there’s scatterplot, I know what a scatter plot looks like, I see it.
KAYLA: “Either way, not having a type is kind of a type in and of itself, yes? Ugh, confusing, anyway take this poll quiz and figure out if you’re the kind of person who has type or the kind that dates all over the map” I’m just not seeing the point in this.
SARAH: Okay question two.
KAYLA: Question two: Do you prefer a partner to be similar to you or very different?
SARAH: I think similar, I think if they were too different it would be a problem.
KAYLA: Kay.
SARAH: I know opposites attract and whatever but still.
KAYLA: Fifty nine percent of people agree with you.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Okay will this one you’re not going to be able to answer. “Thinking back on your last 3 partners do they work in similar-”
SARAH: This is assuming a lot about the reader.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That they even have 3 partners
KAYLA: Yeah what if you were like a teen and you had never dated?
SARAH: God.
KAYLA: Anyway, “think about your past three partners, did they work in the same/similar career fields?”
SARAH: I guess I’ll just think about my close friends. Did they work in similar career fields? No, not necessarily.
KAYLA: No, that's what 75% of people said.
SARAH: But also, hold on, hold on. That’s difficult because how are you meeting people?
KAYLA: That’s true if you’re meeting people through work or-
SARAH: Through work or school.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Like if you’re in college? That will absolutely dictate the type of people you meet.
KAYLA: Yeah for me-
(30:00)
SARAH: Like I live in LA, half the people I meet on the street work in Hollywood.
KAYLA: Right like yeah if you live in a certain place like LA that’s gonna be — like for me my past partners were, a pre-med, a pre-law, and then computer science.
SARAH: Lot’s of Pre’s.
KAYLA: Which I would say (laughs) yeah, you may notice I’m not dating any of those people anymore.
SARAH: Also we have a bias because you met those people at the University of Michigan and then you’re like well Oh those types are gonna be at the University of Michigan.
KAYLA: Yeah those are the three most popular majors at Michigan. Now here’s a question for you that has a typo.
SARAH: A Type-O.
KAYLA: Yeah. “Do friends every make fun of you for having quote a Thing”
SARAH: Never.
KAYLA: I don’t know what this means.
SARAH: A thing for something.
KAYLA: I guess. The answers were “Not Really. No. or LOL yeah.”
SARAH: No, not at all, I’ve never had that issue.
KAYLA: “how important to you is height in a partner”?
SARAH: Not that important. I’m always gonna misjudge how tall I am in comparison to you anyways so...
KAYLA: That’s true, that’s true. “Do you have a list of deal-breakers or must-haves?”
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: For me that one is hard, cause like-
SARAH: A deal breaker is like are you racist?
KAYLA: For me that one is hard because it's like Do you have a job? Are you racist?
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: “Do any obvious similarities stand out between the last three people you’ve liked?”
SARAH: Yes, in that they, um, all don’t exist.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I mean there’s absolutely been those situations where I’ve been like “do I have a crush on this person?” I’ve talked about this before but my conclusions have been I don’t care, so no they don’t have anything in common because I’m not sure if I actually liked them or not.
KAYLA: Well was there a similarity between any of the people you thought you might have liked?
SARAH: Maybe? I don’t know, I don’t know!
KAYLA: Well, I guess we’ll never know.
SARAH: We’ll never know.
KAYLA: “Do you tend to find yourself ending relationships for the same reason each time?”
SARAH: Uh if the reason is cause I never started them then yeah.
KAYLA: Uhm, Yes I guess?
SARAH: Also in what universe would— no, say no— in what universe would I end a relationship? In what universe would I start a relationship? This is me we’re talking about.
KAYLA: Yeah we’ve talked about this before how poor you would be at dating.
SARAH: Mhm.
KAYLA: Um and I mean the breakup situation is one of those reasons.
SARAH: Oh yeah, I would be so bad at it.
KAYLA: Yeah, you really would.
SARAH: I have no spine (laughs).
KAYLA: “When people ask: what’s your type? Do you have an answer?”
SARAH: No. I mean if you’re that deep- if you have an answer to that why are you taking this quiz?
KAYLA: This is stupid, the answer to— the possible answers to this question are, “I could come up with one if I had to think about it” or “Oh for sure” So there’s not-
SARAH: No!
KAYLA: There is no no.
SARAH: I couldn’t come up with one if I had to think about if I had to think about it you fuckin’ dumb ass.
KAYLA: Well now it's saying if you answered mostly on the left then you have no type, but now I have to go back and...
SARAH: Why doesn’t it just tell you?
KAYLA: That’s what I’m saying!
SARAH: This is a bad quiz!
KAYLA: Now I have to go back and figure this out for myself?
SARAH: This is a bad quiz. Poorly constructed. Well I’m pretty sure it's gonna tell you that I don’t have a type (laughs).
KAYLA: Yeah that’s what I’m gathering. I’m gonna find us another quiz that’s better.
SARAH: Okay. I want a quiz that tells me what my type is.
KAYLA: I know that’s what I would also like. I want to know what your type is.
SARAH: I also want it to be super stereotypical so it's like “is your type bad boy? or…”(laughs)
KAYLA: This one says “can we guess your type?”
SARAH: Can we guess, yeah guess it, see what happens.
KAYLA: “Which word would you use to describe your best friend: Nerd, sweetheart, jester, or professional”(laughs)
SARAH: (laughs) professional. Here’s the question, and Kayla’s gonna take offense to it: who’s my best friend?
KAYLA: I already know, well, it’s me but it’s also other people so...
SARAH: Yeah. Give me the options again.
KAYLA: Nerd, sweetheart, jester, professional. I feel like most of your bestfriends fall into the nerd category.
(35:00)
SARAH: Yeah, I’d say so, we’ll go with that. Would you call yourself a nerd?
KAYLA: Out of those four, probably?
SARAH: That’s fair, they’re very limiting.
KAYLA: What do you like most about your job? (laughs) Okay...
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: “I like my work, I love my office, I like my coworkers, I love the money”
SARAH: I like my coworkers.
KAYLA: Kay.
SARAH: Oh I just remembered what my juice is!
KAYLA: Well you better write it down!
SARAH: congrats to me!
KAYLA: “Which animals might be your spirit animal? An owl- ”
SARAH: Ugh I hate this question because I’ve never been able to come up with an answer and it’s so frustrating to me!
KAYLA: (quietly) we’ve talked about this.
SARAH: I don’t have a fuckin’ uhh patronus or whatever. Okay, well give me the options.
KAYLA: An owl, a mouse, a horse, or a bull?
SARAH: Not a bull, not a horse. Am I an owl or a mouse?
KAYLA: Probably a mouse.
SARAH: Okay. I’m a mouse.
KAYLA: Okay. “What are you most likely to do on a Sunday afternoon? Read, play video games, go for a hike, or go to the gym?”
SARAH: Well usually when I hike it's not a Sunday afternoon because afternoons are really hot in LA (laughs)
KAYLA: Mhm.
SARAH: It’s usually a Saturday in the late morning. I guess, read. Not that I’m good at reading but that's the vibe of it you know?
KAYLA: Mhm. “Finish this sentence: In the mornings I’m… fast asleep, as grumpy as a goat, chipper as a bird, or most productive?”
SARAH: Fast asleep.
KAYLA: “Would you say you are romantic?: I have my moments, I’m totally romantic, I’m not romantic, I’m not all that romantic, or I give what I get?”
SARAH: I mean, I here’s the difficult part about this question. Like no I’m not romantic in the sense that I don’t experience romantic attraction, but in - you also have the additional meaning of the romanticization of things, so I’ll say the one that’s not totally unromantic but not I’m a romantic, the third one.
KAYLA: “I’m not all that romantic”
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: “What type of television do you watch the most often? News, crime shows, reality shows, or sports shows?”
SARAH: Uhh, these are really weird categories.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: I guess crime shows out of those options?
KAYLA: Okay. “What is your most dominant facial feature? Nose, eyes, lips, or cheekbones?” I don’t know how this is supposed to help them figure out your type.
SARAH: I don’t know… Kayla, what's my most dominant facial feature?
KAYLA: I don’t know.
SARAH: I have an answer that is not based in fact...
KAYLA: Well what is it?
SARAH: I don’t like my nose, so that’s just what comes to mind because that’s what I see, I’m like “ugh look at that thing”, but it's not necessarily any more dominant than any other part of my face.
KAYLA: Well… I don’t know, I don’t see - I don’t think any of your facial features are particularly dominant.
SARAH: I have a very well-balanced face thank you.
KAYLA: Well you have to pick one.
SARAH: You have to pick one. You’re the one who looks at my face.
KAYLA: I think it's your face and you should probably pick.
SARAH: Hold on, let me go look at my face.
KAYLA: Oh my god (laughs)
SARAH: It just has to be my nose!
KAYLA: Okay. “What job might you have had in a former life?”
SARAH: Mmm!
KAYLA: “Mathematician, Librarian, Stunt-person, or CEO?”
SARAH: Oh my god. Here’s the thing, the two best options are so opposite of each other. Here: Kayla was I a Librarian or a Stunt Person?
KAYLA: My gut says stunt person.
SARAH: Okay, sure!
KAYLA: But I do agree that those are the two most likely.
SARAH: (sigh) I think I’m maybe not organized enough to be a librarian.
KAYLA: Well not in this life surely.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: “Where would you most like to go on a first date? A movie, a concert, rock climbing, or a helicopter ride?” That would be a high-stakes first date! (laughs)
(40:00)
SARAH: I would absolutely not want to go to a concert on a first date. Like me at a concert I would be so self aware, because in my opinion, a concert is where you just go crazy go stupid and you just enjoy yourself so if it was a first date you would be so self concious about every fuckin’ thing you did. I would be so in my head that I wouldn’t appreciate the concert.
KAYLA: I agree.
SARAH: I don’t wanna go on a helicopter ride because it seems wasteful. Um, I think, here’s the thing about movies: I don’t totally get movie dates because like you’re just watching a movie...
KAYLA: Mhm.
SARAH: Like I guess you talk to them before and after, but I don’t know, should I see a movie or should I go rock climbing Kayla?
KAYLA: You have to choose!
SARAH: Well, well… I guess we’ll see a movie, I don’t know. Rock climbing seems really involved for a first date. I’m an active person, but I don’t want them thinking I would run a marathon for fun, you know?
KAYLA: Sure, sure. “What drives you craziest? People who lie, Loud people, People with no ambition, or Seeing other- seeing people shopping in their pajamas?”
(laughing)
KAYLA: Who cares! What?!
SARAH: My instinct is to say loud people which is an interesting choice because-
KAYLA: You are a loud people.
SARAH: I am a loud people, but I’m not a publicly loud people, you know? Like I know, when the time to be loud is and isn’t and so I think loud people is gonna be my answer.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: They got no sense.
KAYLA: “What do you find most attractive in others? Intelligence, Thoughtfulness, Confidence or Laughter?”
SARAH: Um we had to wait so long for the sirens to go away, I forgot what the options were. Can you read them again?
KAYLA: Yeah so “What do you find most attractive in others? Intelligence, Thoughtfulness, Confidence or Laughter?”
SARAH: Intelligence I guess? But also I’m very stupid but like...
KAYLA: (laughs) ‘Kayyy...
SARAH: You know sometimes we have a degree from the University of Michigan but we can’t do logic problems, you know?
KAYLA: I do know, I do. “Are you more of a cat person or a dog person?” The options are: “A hamster person, Cats, Dogs, or Both?”
SARAH: Oh, well I think saying both is a cop-out in this context.
KAYLA: Kay.
SARAH: So I will say I’m a dog person sorry Bogey.
KAYLA: wow I can’t believe this. “Where do you see yourself in ten years? Starting a family, Hard to say, Travelling more, or At the top of your company?”
SARAH: Hard to say, hard to say, hard to say.
KAYLA: “Do you kiss and tell? Never, You might tell your best friend, You don’t- I don’t do anything I don’t wanna tell, or You’ll never tell?”
SARAH: I would in theory probably tell my best friend.
KAYLA: Kissing and telling, like the concept makes no sense to me, like are you supposed to keep every kiss secret? God there’s so many questions.
SARAH: How many are there?!
KAYLA: There’s a lot to go. We gotta pick it up.
SARAH: Oh my god we’re gonna pick up the pace!
KAYLA: Okay “Are you more of an introvert or extrobo- extrovert?”
SARAH: (answers very quickly) introvert.
KAYLA: “A little of bo-” (laughs) Okay. “What kind of music do you listen to? Alt rock, Classic rock, Pop rock, or Pump rock- PUNK rock” (laughs) what if you don’t like rock?!
SARAH: Only rock… uhh Alt- alt rock, I don’t know I guess sure.
KAYLA: Okay. “How would your mom describe you? Serious, funny, slacker, or perfection?”
SARAH: I think my mom thinks I’m a riot.
KAYLA: Okay (laughs). “What role do you play in your friend group? Wise old owl, Peacekeeper, Baby, or Mom?”
SARAH: Kayla what do you think?
KAYLA: Out of all of those I would have to say baby…
(45:00)
SARAH: (laughs) That’s what I was thinking as well.
KAYLA: None of the others are-
SARAH: I’m just a little baby~
KAYLA: “How do you feel about first impressions? You don’t think about them, You try to give a good one, You make great first impressions, or First impressions are everything?”
SARAH: I guess I wanna make a good one. I’m kind of self-aware that I’m always assuming people are judging me and hating me so...
KAYLA: You sure do. “What time of day do you feel most productive? Late-”
SARAH: Night time.
KAYLA: “Late night.” “What time of year do you like most?”
SARAH: Fall.
KAYLA: “Are you a patient person? Not all that patient, Patient for certain things, You could be more patient, or You’ve never had any complaints about your level of patience?”
SARAH: Sorry I wasn’t listening. I got an email that was relevant to my career prospects. Say that again?
(laughing)
KAYLA: Alright! “Are you a patient person? Not all that patient, Patient for certain things, You could be more patient, or You’ve never had any complaints about your level of patience?”
SARAH: I’m patient for certain things.
KAYLA: Okay. “Where do you shop for clothes? Walmart, Nordstrom, Goodwill, or American Eagle?”
SARAH: uhhh.
KAYLA: Four very interesting answers.
SARAH: Of those options I’m gonna say Goodwill because they probably have the most variety. (laughs) You know, more variety.
KAYLA: Yeah that’s true.
SARAH: Also we love to be, we love to be um, environmentally friendly.
KAYLA: “Describe your laugh: Goofy, Quiet, Cackling, or Hilarious?”
SARAH: Kayla? Describe my laugh.
KAYLA: I don’t know your laugh is pretty average I think.
SARAH: Pretty avera- write an answer: Pretty average. This just in, Kayla thinks my laugh is Pretty Average!
KAYLA: I’ll just say goofy.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: “What flavor of icecream do you like most?-”
SARAH: (quietly) Vanilla.
KAYLA: “-fudge walnut, Vanilla, Rocky Road, or Mint Chocolate Chip”
SARAH: Vanilla!
KAYLA: You’re so lame. “What- Which of the four elements do you relate to most?”
SARAH: Ohh… Oh for some reason I was thinking of the periodic table of elements-
KAYLA: Ma’am!
SARAH: - And I thought you were gonna give me options (laughs).
KAYLA: Earth, Air, Water, Fire!
SARAH: Do I relate to most?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: That’s a hard question. (pause) Earth.
KAYLA: ‘Kay.
SARAH: Which one do you think I am?
KAYLA: Fire.
SARAH: I almost said fire.
KAYLA: Well it’s too late.
SARAH: But I think fire is a little more aspirational, you know (laughs).
KAYLA: Okay, interesting (laughs). “What position do you sleep in? Back, Side, Diagonal, or Stomach?”
SARAH: Side. What does this have anything to do with my type?
KAYLA: I don’t know! “What kind of car do you drive? Economy, Mini van, Crossover, or SUV?”
SARAH: Uh, I - what were the options?
KAYLA: I think you’re an economy car?
SARAH: I think so too but I don’t know what that means.
KAYLA: I don’t know what that means. “Which Disney princess do you like most? Arial, Tiana, Cinderella, or I don’t know any disney princesses”
SARAH: I don’t know any Disney princesses (laughs).
KAYLA: That’s your answer?!
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay! Okay, we got your type. Your type is the quiet type. “You really enjoy getting to know the quiet type any one can walk around spouting their opinion but you enjoy it when they have to take time to find out, when you have to take time to find out what lies beneath the layers. You don’t like judging a book by its cover and you truly believe the world belongs to introverts. Next time you see a shy person sitting in a corner, say hello.”
SARAH: That’s true, the world does belong to introverts. Extroverts are so annoying.
KAYLA: I wonder if they took-
SARAH: FULL offense to all extroverts. (laughs)
KAYLA: I wonder if they just took the introvert extrovert question and that’s the only one that mattered to this quiz.
SARAH: It’s the only one that made a difference? (laughs)
KAYLA: Well there you have it.
SARAH: I’m very kinda confused by the questions. Like...
KAYLA: It made… Why does it matter how you sleep?
SARAH: I don’t know!
KAYLA: I feel like they were just collecting information on me and now I’m gonna be getting weird ads on Instagram.
SARAH: But they’re gonna be tailored to me not you.
KAYLA: Yeah how embarrassing.
SARAH: I’m really confused by that and it took a long time so we’re gonna move on.
KAYLA: Yeah, yeah.
SARAH: Kayla, Kayla, what’s our poll for this week?
KAYLA: I guess like, do you have a type?? Like...
SARAH: Types? Question mark?
KAYLA: Types? I don’t know.
SARAH: I don’t either. Cool. Kayla, what's your beef and your juice for this week? (laughs)
KAYLA: My beef is spiders...
SARAH: Okay.
(50:00)
KAYLA: Because I’m pretty sure there’s a nest of spiders in the front our house because I saw- there’s been many spiders coming in the house and they’re usually on that side of the house and I saw a couple outside of our house of the same kind and they keep getting into our house and its so annoying! My juice is… Lil Nas’s new album Montero, I haven’t listened to it yet, we’re having a listening party tonight with our friends-
SARAH: What a time!
KAYLA: but I’m very excited for it, yeah!
SARAH: I’ve heard good things, I’ve heard good things!
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Um. Cool. My juice is I got a raise!
KAYLA: Oh yeah I forgot about that!
SARAH: Yeah I got a raise! Still probably don’t make enough money, but I make more than I used to!
KAYLA: She’s rich, folks!
SARAH: Mmmm, rich is a stretch! Uhh, my beef isssss.... When you’re hungry. In the middle of the day. Um.
(laughing)
KAYLA: so stupid.
SARAH: We’re back on that lunch shit. (laughing) You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your favorite use for the word zesty on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon patron.com/soundsfakepod if you’d like to support us, and so we can get you those sweet, sweet transcripts. Our $5 patrons we are promoting this week are: Vishakh, Jacob Weber, Amberle Istar, Rachel, and Kate Costello. I just wanna give- I don’t, I don’t know how often Kate actually listens to this podcast, but I do just wanna give her a vote of appreciation. Kate, you're doing good.
KAYLA: Mhm We love you.
SARAH: You’re doing great. We’re proud of you, let’s go.
KAYLA: Mhm. Yeah.
SARAH: It’s funny that you say that, because I don’t think I’ve ever told Kate that I love her, but Kayla has.
KAYLA: WELL-
(laughing)
KAYLA: Just like a Costello.
SARAH: Just like a Costello. Our $10 patrons that are promoting something this week are: Doug Rice who would like to promote Church Too by Emily Joy, H. Valdís who would like to promote keeping your space clean, Barefoot Backpacker who would like to promote their Podcast, Travel Tales From Beyond the Brochure and the fact that they contributed to this episode, The Steve Ecosia, and Ari K. who would like to promote Thought Slime. Our other...whatever this is— our other $10 patrons are: Mattie, Derek and Carissa, Khadir, Potater, Changeling MX, DAVID JAY, The Stubby Tech, Simona Sajmon, Rosie Costello, Hector Murillo, Jay, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Anonymous, my Aunt Jeannie, and Cass. Our $15 patrons are: Nathaniel White, NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, my mom Julie, who’d like to promote free Mom Hugs and the fact that she now has a metal knee! Sara Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere, Martin Chiesel who’d like to promote his podcast, Everyone’s Special and No One Is, Leila who’d like to promote “Love is love” also applying to aro people, Shrubbery who’d like to promote The Planet Earth, Sherronda J Brown who’d like to promote my mom’s new metal knee, Maggie Capalbo who’d like to promote their dogs Minnie, Leia, and Loki, Andrew Hillum who’d like to promote The Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Click4Caroline who did she ever answer us?!
KAYLA: I don’t know?
SARAH: I’m gonna say Caroline is promoting Dear Luke, Love, Me. And Dragonfly who’d like to promote my mom’s new metal knee. Our $20 patrons are: Sarah T who’d like to promote long walks outside with your new metal knee, and HomHomofSpades who’d like to promote getting enough vitamin D while on your long walks outside with your new metal knee. Thanks for listening-
KAYLA: Oh my god!
SARAH: Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then take good care of your cows with metal knees.
SARAH: The knee is name new-knee N-U-N-I, just so you know.
(53:25)