Ep 308: Aspec Origin Stories
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, I'm Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, that's me Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: Sarah forgot how to do it. On today's episode, our Aspec Origin Stories.
SARAH: Lore.
BOTH: Sounds Fake But Okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod
KAYLA: It is… oh… Nope, okay allegedly at 78 degrees, I don’t believe that
SARAH: It’s 71 here
KAYLA: It has been in the 90s all day today, so
SARAH: You're in a bubble. I'm not in that bubble
KAYLA: Yeah, I'm in a very hot bubble and I turned off my air conditioning for this so you're all very welcome
SARAH: Kayla is extremely brave and so am I, for a different reason.
KAYLA: Okay, for different reasons.
SARAH: My reason is that I don't have lip balm in the room
KAYLA: We're doing some OCD exposures for Sarah.
SARAH: I am very bravely not going to find lip balm because Kayla is hot
KAYLA: And I need this to be done with a quickness and also you don't need to put ChapStick on to do a podcast, you won't die.
SARAH: Hey chat. Do I have OCD vote… vote?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Vote in chat, please.
KAYLA: Yes, you do. As someone who has lived with you and known you for years and known people diagnosed with OCD, yes, you do
SARAH: Hey, chat, do I have the tism?
KAYLA: Also, yes
SARAH: Please… Anyway, okay, Kayla, uh, this is not going to be our last episode before break but it's the second last episode before our summer break
KAYLA: Yes, this is true.
SARAH: So, we'll be here this week. And then next week we will be here. And then after that we will be gone for a month and next week we'll tell you what date we'll be back, but I'm not telling you right now
KAYLA: Because I don't know
SARAH: Because I don't know. We haven't talked about it. I could look at a calendar, but that's too easy. Kayla what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week we're doing a lore drop on you, this episode idea was inspired by both StarryEyedEm and Leila from the discord
SARAH: The cord
KAYLA: Em asked for an episode about ace awakenings like how you realized you were ace and Leila mentioned that it might be good for listeners who don't know our origin stories and it got me thinking about how, if you like listen to the whole podcast like all the way through then you probably know… Like you've listened to the lore, if you've read the book, you probably know it, and also like every time we do interviews usually people ask us like…
SARAH: For the lore
KAYLA: Like how we realized we were ace or like why the podcast started. But I realized like if you are just like listening to random episodes or like you haven't listened all the way through or like…
SARAH: You're a casual listener
KAYLA: Yeah, you aren't looking at the extra stuff or even if like you have listened all the way through
SARAH: And you forgot
KAYLA: Well, A, you forgot but I also think there's a difference between listening to it unfold and then hearing the complete story, you know
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: You know what I mean? Like there are things that like I know when I was writing out my complete like ace awakening story for the book, I was like there are things that podcast listeners would not know because I was specifically not talking about them at the time and then just like never came up. So, it was never discussed, you know?
SARAH: Right. Do I have any of those?
KAYLA: I can think of like some small details but like…
SARAH: Okay, sure, I believe you
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Great
KAYLA: Like there's things that I didn't know specifically until I read what you wrote for the book, but it was not like… it was just like very small details
SARAH: Like what? We'll get to it. We'll get to it. We'll get to it.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: We'll do this chronologically
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Which means I do have to start, I guess. Are we just starting with the lore drop? Do we want to talk about ace awakenings at all first or?
KAYLA: Um, I mean, I guess, yeah, I guess the only thing I feel like I have like big to say about ace awakenings or aspec awakenings I should say is that I think they are very unique from other queer awakenings because of how–
SARAH: It's not so much awakening
KAYLA: Yeah, there's nothing much to awaken and also like it's just very… in my experience at least and I feel like experiences I've heard from others, it's a very internal–
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: experience, because it's like if you're a man and you realize you're gay I feel like the like stereotypical thing to do is to like go out to the club and like make out with a bunch of men and like experiment sexually which like…
SARAH: Suck a dick
KAYLA: Just suck a dick. Which like it comes with its own baggage because that just like comes with the stereotypes of like gay men being very oversexualized and that that's like what the community is like which is like it's all a whole can of worms in and of itself. But that being said when you come out, like realize you're queer in other ways. I feel like there's like physical things you can do to explore that and I don't think that's the case as much for ace and aro identities
SARAH: Even with gender, there are more physical manifestations of it, like you can be like, I'm going to cut my hair, or like, I'm going to wear a binder or I'm going to paint my nails or I'm going to wear a skirt. Like there are things that you can do…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: To experiment whereas with aspec identities it's like, how can I experiment if the whole point of my identity is that there is a lack of something to experiment with. I mean, you certainly could be like let me try and have sex with someone and see how it goes, like if that's something you want to do, you absolutely can, but you know, it's hard to use experiences to determine that you don't have something.
KAYLA: Yeah, and I often feel like I… And I guess we can like get into this as we tell our stories but like I was never someone who felt pressured to like have sex when I wasn't ready and so I was like very lucky in that regard. But I know I've heard a lot of stories from aspec people that they did have those experiences. And so, their like version of experimenting was like ended up being a pretty painful point because it was just, they realized after like I really wish I hadn't done that or like, you know, that kind of thing, but I think even if you are, say like a… even if you're a sex favorable ace or like an aro person in a romantic relationship like you could view that as like you have room to physically do things but like it's still such an internal thing. Like if you are someone who is a sex favorable ace and so you go from having sex thinking… like not understanding why you're like not feeling a certain type of way to having sex kind of knowing that, you know, like you're still the physical activity is the same, it's just like your mental state is probably different like you're probably experiencing it internally in a different way, you know?
SARAH: If you're like, hmm, I might be a little bit sapphic. Well, I wonder if maybe I am, you can go smoochy girly and see how it feels.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Whereas that you… there's no equivalent of that.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because again it is a orientation that is defined by an absence of something so it's just hard to grasp it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because you can't just kiss a girly and be like, “that felt right cool, great”
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: It doesn't really work like that.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I mean you might still do that but
KAYLA: I don’t know
SARAH: I don’t know. But yeah… yeah, I think… I think… I wish there was a better word for like aspec awakenings, but I just don't think such a word exists because it's not so much an awakening as it is a settling in to…
KAYLA: Yeah, because I feel like I haven't often heard stories and I'm sure there's someone out there, but I feel like the stories you hear often are people slowly coming to the… an aspec realization and like putting pieces together of experiences like many awakenings that they've had or like looking back of being like, “oh, that's why I felt this way” or like, “that's why I acted this way” or whatever
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: And it's not so much like a one big moment type of thing.
SARAH: It involves so much hindsight and being like that makes sense, that makes sense now, I get that now.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Yeah, it's piecemeal versus an awakening can be like, “oh shit, Chappel Roan”
KAYLA: Which isn't to say that that like all queer people have that big moment, I think for a lot of queer people of all identities that can be that very slow process, but…
SARAH: But yeah
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: It's… it seems to me basically almost impossible to have that like light bulb moment as an aspec, if any of our listeners did have like a complete like felt like an awakening light bulb moment.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I would love to hear about it because I think that’s so interesting
KAYLA: I would too, I think also part of it is especially for like our generation and maybe this will get better with time, is that in order to have a light bulb realization moment you have to know what identities are
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And so maybe for younger generations because anecdotally I've heard that just like aspec identities are much more known to younger people now, like maybe that will become more of a possibility
SARAH: Yeah, because if you're queer in other ways you can have that light bulb moment of like, “oh, I want to kiss someone of the same gender as me” and you don't have to know everything about homosexuality
KAYLA: Yeah
[00:10:00]
SARAH: Or about bisexuality or pan like you don't have to know all the details because you're like I know that I want this thing. But…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Again, because they expect identities is a lack of something, it's... I got distracted. That was basically my point.
KAYLA: Yeah, I understood. I understood where you were going.
SARAH: Thank you. On that note shall we dive in to our own experience?
KAYLA: I think we shall
SARAH: All right. I suppose I do have to start
KAYLA: This is my favorite when people ask us these questions because I have… Sarah has to start
SARAH: Like.... it's like a domino effect. It doesn't work if you do yours first
KAYLA: It wouldn't make sense if I did mine first.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Narratively, make any sense at all
SARAH: It's always about the narrative.
KAYLA: Hmm
SARAH: Kayla, you let me know if I've missed anything about my own story.
KAYLA: Okay, so… I've heard it so many times. One day we should tell each other's in an interview. We should just be like, you know what? We're going to mix it up this time
SARAH: I mean, hey, we could just pretend to be each other on this podcast right now, half of our listeners can’t tell us apart anyway.
KAYLA: No, they wouldn't know
SARAH: Anyway, hi, I'm Sarah, this is me.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I have bangs. There's a… there's some more for you
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: It all started on a… I don't know what the temperature was like when I was born
KAYLA: Oh okay
SARAH: It was an autumn. It was autumn middle of the night.
KAYLA: You could probably look it up, what the temperature was, if you really…
SARAH: I tried
KAYLA: No
SARAH: Okay, so on the day I was born it was a low of 50 degrees Fahrenheit and a high of 75 degrees Fahrenheit, but given that I was born in the middle of the night, I'm going to say it was closer to 50
KAYLA: Right, I'm so glad we…
SARAH: There was…
KAYLA: Time.
SARAH: No precipitation and the visibility was 10 miles.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Anyway, I was born, let's fast-forward
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: Where do I begin? Uh Where do I usually start this?
KAYLA: College?
SARAH: But there's… but in the book I start earlier than that.
KAYLA: Okay, then start earlier
SARAH: When I was a wee child, I assumed I would just marry a man, have two and a half kids, white picket fence, blah, blah, blah because everyone else did
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And there were some people in my life who were examples of not doing that but in my mind they were like outliers. So, I was just like, “I'm going to do this, this is what I'm going to do” and then as a child, I was like I have an idea for what my wedding dress will look like and it was really, really early 2000s, like something…
KAYLA: Like Say Yes To The Dress vibes?
SARAH: Yeah, like something that Anne Hathaway would wear in like a movie in 2003.
KAYLA: Okay. Yeah
SARAH: Which checks out given it was…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Around that time, and I was just like, “okay cool, that's going to happen.” But then I got a little bit older and I just like I didn't have interest in like dating or whatever and I… my friends in high school weren't really dating that much either. I had a couple of friends who dated a little bit but like it wasn't like all of my friends had boyfriends or whatever blah blah blah and so like it was totally normal for me to like not be dating people in high school and I had some… a couple like near misses where I had to be like, “no, I don’t want to date you”
KAYLA: A lot… something that will come up a lot. I guess we don't… well, probably not, we're not going to do your full life story. But the… something about Sarah is that everybody be having a crush on Sarah.
SARAH: It's so true
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I'm so likable and charming.
KAYLA: Mm. I never had a crush on Sarah
SARAH: And very bad at turning people down
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But it was especially bad when I was in high school because I didn't know why I was turning people down, I just knew that I did not want to date them
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Even people who like I was friends with and who I genuinely liked, I just knew that I didn't want to go out with them and so I… like I… there was no way to like let them down gently and so of course I did it in the worst possible way and I was very passive-aggressive about it, anyway
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Shouts out to the homies. But… so, that was kind of where that was and then in 11th grade, I had an AP Language and composition teacher…
KAYLA: It’s always an English teacher
SARAH: It's always an English teacher, her name was Miss Burke and I can tell you that because she gave me permission to use it in our book.
KAYLA: It is also very funny, because she has the exact same name as one of our friends
SARAH: As one of our friends, yes, like the first, last same name
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But she was a single woman and she did not have kids and she really liked to travel and she was a high school teacher and like high school teachers don’t make a lot of money
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But they do get summers off. And because she didn't have a spouse and kids to like take care of, she was able to like save up her money and like travel a lot and so she had like all these pictures in her in her classroom of like her travels and she would talk about the thing she did, and I was like, “that's so cool.” And me, 11th grade, at the ripe old age of 16, I was like, “wait, what? I don't have to get married and have children if I don't want to”
KAYLA: Crazy
SARAH: What? This is an option? I could just do this for fun? And then I was like, oh, maybe I don't want fucking kids and I was like, yeah. No, I don't actually, in fact, cool. And then another just anecdote, next year, I was an AP lit. I had missed some… missed some class, I missed a test. So, I was out in the hallway making up that test and I heard her talking to another teacher about like dating and like being on like the apps or something and I was so upset by it.
KAYLA: Your tiny aspec brain, you were so betrayed
SARAH: I was like, what do you mean you're trying to date people? No, you're Miss Burke, you're single and you go to Egypt for fun and of course… because in my brain I was just like… I didn't understand why I was so upset by that
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: At the time. Also, there was a hot second in high school where I was like, am I maybe demi? And then I was like no, that's silly.
KAYLA: Wild though that you like knew that word already?
SARAH: Tumblr
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Tumblr, baby
KAYLA: See I was on Tumblr though, and I don't… I just… yeah, I guess I don't remember. I don't know.
SARAH: Yeah, I remember… because you know how on ye old Tumblr people would talk in the tags and I was a big proponent of talking in the tags?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And like I remember one time I like almost posted something where I like mentioned in the tags, I was like, I'm like, “maybe I may be demi,” and then I was like, no, I won't do that. Like I was like, I like remember like being like “actually that's stupid.”
KAYLA: Oh, baby Sarah.
SARAH: No. Anyway, so yeah, because I knew about what… at some point in high school I learned about what asexuality was and the aspec and to some extent I knew things but I was just like, you know, I'm a late bloomer, whatever. It's… I'm busy. I have school
KAYLA: Yeah, I have my gymnastics.
SARAH: I have gymnastics. I don't have time for this and then I would do this… I did the thing to where like, you know, you know the meme where it's the guy with the butterfly?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And he's like… I would like see, it would be like a boy who seems somewhat nice and I would be like, is this a crush?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: No, no, it's not.
KAYLA: That's just a friend.
SARAH: That's just someone you find tolerable. Also, fun fact, when I was in 4th grade I found out that someone in my class had a crush on me. And so, I was like, okay, I guess I'll have a crush back, because that's what you're supposed to do.
KAYLA: Yeah. One time, when I was in 3rd grade, I found out a kid had a crush on me and so I went up to him and was like, “I heard you have a crush on me”. Why did… that was so… and like in front of God and everyone, that was so crazy of me, and then in high school he was like popular, so I was like, damn I really could have… I could have like moved my social status a bit had I been smarter
SARAH: The person that had a crush on me in 4th grade became a semi-professional hockey player
KAYLA: See and mine went… played football at Slippery Rock, the best place…
SARAH: All the best.
KAYLA: So, I think… We've really fumbled the bag I think
SARAH: I don't know what he's doing these days, I should find out, anyway
KAYLA: Stuff
SARAH: But that's the wimbling, wumbling, not a very chronological at all in fact story of my high school years. I get to college and I'm like…
KAYLA: That was pretty chronological I feel
SARAH: Mostly. I get to college and I'm like, hmm. I thought I was a late bloomer, but like I'm in college
KAYLA: Can I ask you…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I don't know if I've ever asked you this about your origin story.
SARAH: I may or may not remember the answer.
KAYLA: Well, I think it's more of like a reflection. So, we lived together
SARAH: We did
KAYLA: While we were in college
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: I guess for those who don't know, we met… like, we were randomly placed as roommates in college. And…
SARAH: Freshman year
KAYLA: Freshman year. And I had some like…
SARAH: We've known each other for almost seven years
KAYLA: Yeah, a really long time. I had some like boy dating happenings slightly in freshman…
SARAH: Sort of, yeah
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: In the… Did any of that like affect your like being like, huh? Like people around me are doing this like the people in my like very close proximity are doing these kinds of things. Did that affect your like, “okay, I feel like I should be doing this by now if it was going to happen.”
SARAH: I don't have any recollection of that being the case
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Maybe if when I had been in high school, none of my friends had ever dated anyone, maybe it would have…
KAYLA: Yeah, that's fair
SARAH: Been a little bit more shocking. But I did have a couple of friends in high school who like dated a little bit, none of them were like serial… Like I didn't have any like serial monogamist friends in high school, I just like had a couple of friends…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Who like dated a couple of people a couple of times
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And then most of my friends didn't date. So, I think if it had been a situation like that I may have been more like shocked by it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I don't know, I think it was also just a situation where I was just weirdly confident in the fact that like I just didn't want to do that
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And I didn't understand yet why I didn't want to date and why I didn't want to do that
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I was just like no, I don't want to like well…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Okay, what? Kayla can do whatever she wants to do get off my fucking futon
KAYLA: Yeah, well
SARAH: To be clear, Kayla was a lot on the futon when she was being normal
KAYLA: I never did anything nasty on the futon. Okay? Some kissing
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay. I want that to be know, like there was no fluids on the futon. Okay?
SARAH: Oh, man, just mouth fluids
KAYLA: I hope not. I don't think I’m like that sloppy, you know?
SARAH: That sloppy, that wet of an experience.
KAYLA: I don't think I'm that wet of a kisser
SARAH: That's information. Um
KAYLA: I hope no one is that wet of a kisser, that there's just like loose spit.
SARAH: I don't know, man. I don't know. I don’t know about that, I'm not an expert on this.
KAYLA: I guess me either. I don't know
SARAH: Anyway, so then I got to college and I was like, hmm. If I'm a late bloomer like why… it hasn't happened yet? That seems weird, because like in college people, you know, they go crazy and they do silly things.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And I… also, backing up a smidge, I grew up in an environment where it was like, no sex till marriage and I was just like, okay.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like I wasn't bothered by that. I was just like, okay cool, that like I… that's… I don't know, you're welcome mom. Anyway, back to freshman year of college. So, then at some point I started being like, hmm, because I knew what asexuality was so I was like, hmm, I wonder if maybe I am this and so I would like secretly look things up on my computer and I put them in a very inconspicuous note on my computer that was called a-something
KAYLA: See, this is… I didn't know that until the book
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Your secret research
SARAH: My secret research. And I would sit there at my desk doing my secret research and then if Kayla would come in the room, I would be like I got to click away
KAYLA: It's just the dichotomy of like you usually in college if you're like quickly clicking away from something it's like you're watching porn
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But you’re just simply… it’s the opposite
SARAH: I was just reading about asexuality
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But also like… Kayla knows this, I hate it when people look over my shoulder at my computer
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Which I have been in a lot of ways desensitized to at my current job but…
KAYLA: Well, it was also tough because your screen was pointing towards the door, so like…
SARAH: Yeah. Yeah
KAYLA: I don't… I couldn't really see it from the door. But…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Anyway
SARAH: But what if you knew, Kayla?
KAYLA: But what if I knew?
SARAH: So, I was doing that and then by the time we got to like second semester of freshman year I was like pretty sure I was asexual. Aromantic, it was a little more wimbly-wombly. I wasn't quite as sure
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And then our freshman year me and Kayla were in a musical
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: And I played a character in that musical who was gay and angsty
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Which is in fact my typecast.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true
SARAH: Acting
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Gay and angsty and I had to kiss someone in this show and I had never kissed to anyone
KAYLA: Uh-huh
SARAH: And I was very stressed about it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Now, luckily one of our other close friends who was also in this show, I don't remember how I… I don't remember how I approached that with you of being like, hey, because I definitely wasn't like, hey, I've never kissed anyone. I'm stressed. I definitely didn't do that
KAYLA: Yeah, I don't remember… I don't remember how you did it either but I… I remember it just being like not a big deal, I was just like, okay
SARAH: One of our other friends like also hadn't really had any experience in that realm and so it was just like okay. So, I had to kiss this person but like also like I knew when the first like kiss rehearsal would be, like I… like I knew when that was happening. But I didn't want the other… the person I was kissing… also, it was annoying because in the script I had to kiss the other person, it wasn’t like I was being kissed
KAYLA: Yeah, which is… that’s tough
SARAH: Yeah. And… so, then I was all stressed about it, but I was like I do not want this person I'm kissing to know
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: That I've never kissed anyone before because they're… that's going to make them feel like weird and pressured and funky and I didn't want like the director or anyone to know either because like I just didn't want anyone making a big deal out of it. Like I was just like, I'm stressed about it, but I don't need to make this a group stress event
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, then we had… we did, I don't know, I survived, I don't know. It was… and like they were… also, like even though they didn't necessarily know like the specifics of like, oh, this bitch ain't never kissed nobody. They were also just like, this is a kiss rehearsal. And so, like we're not going to have stray people in the room and like they were, you know, good about that. So, it's fine and then I did the kiss rehearsal and I was like, okay, that's it?
KAYLA: There are some lips.
SARAH: I was just like, okay. It's just a thing you do. I don't know, like I… Afterwards like I was just like that was just really anticlimactic
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And I remember at one point you said, well like, you know, it's because you're not like attracted to the person and then it was like, well, yeah. That's…
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: That's the thing? And then I… Tumblr. At some point… I think it was maybe like the summer, it was after the semester ended, I did one of those like Tumblr things where it was like, get to know the person and then here are the things and one of them was sexuality and I was like, I'm aro. No, I didn't say that. I said, I'm ace and I'm… And Kayla saw it and she was like, what the fuck? And that's how I came out
KAYLA: Here's something I would… I used to do. I feel like it might have… I guess, I'm trying to look right now because I have the messages that we sent back and forth to each other saved somewhere
SARAH: Yeah, we have them saved in the drive, they’re in the drive
KAYLA: I know, I'm looking right now, because I think what I would do freshman year is I would look at Sarah's Tumblr to see how she was doing mentally because Sarah…
SARAH: Got to check those tags
KAYLA: Doesn't really share her feelings, but she would just like put shit on Tumblr. So, sometimes I would just do a little check-in to be like what's going on in her little…
SARAH: What's she doing?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Did you utilize my robust tagging system to find the…
KAYLA: Oh, there’s not… oh, it's uh, okay. Yeah, it was June 2016
SARAH: Does it say what date it was?
KAYLA: I sent you a message on 6/22/2016, I don't know if that's the day you posted it
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: But that is when I messaged
SARAH: I think it was, it was either the day or the next day.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: That's the day this episode is coming out for patrons.
KAYLA: Oh my God, anniversary
SARAH: Anniversary, eight years
KAYLA: Gross. Happy pride
SARAH: And happy pride. I like… I wanted people to know, like I wanted Kayla to know but I can't tell people things. That's not how I work.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So, I was like, cool, great, now she knows. And then I kind of let Kayla tell other people
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Or me and Kayla would just joke about it until…
KAYLA: In front of people
SARAH: Until other people got confused enough that…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: We would have to explain
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: As one does, um, zoop, zoop, zoop, fast forward, I'm… in my sophomore year, I'm in Germany, I am doing a semester abroad and I was in… people on Facebook were like posting for pride month. We're doing this thing where they were changing their background of their like profile picture to be like their flag or like it was like a thing that said like pride and then it was written in the flag and I was like, what if I just changed it? And Kayla was like, yeah, you should do that.
KAYLA: Well, because I knew like there was no other way. I was like you need to get this done. And if this is how we're going to get it done, then that's fine
SARAH: We need to turn in this assignment
KAYLA: I was like, we are past the deadline, I feared, it’s time
SARAH: And so, I did and then my sister texted me she was like, hey, um, yeah that doesn't surprise me. But also, um, like does mom know what this means? And I was like, I don't think so. And she was like, do you want me to tell her? And I was like, yeah.
KAYLA: Queen of having other people come out for you
SARAH: So, uh, yeah, and then that was that. And then I… at some point decided that I was aro rather than like WTF romantic or gray aro or like…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: The few ones that I was like, I don’t know. And I just… I got sick of not knowing so I just changed it in my Tumblr bio to see how… to just try it out. Now, I just never changed it back.
KAYLA: Well, because I remember you saying of that time that like you had a few things that you thought could be crushes, but you weren't sure and so that's what kind of…
[00:30:00]
SARAH: I wasn’t sure
KAYLA: Held you back
SARAH: Yes, because it's all stupid
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Nothing makes sense
KAYLA: That's… yeah, fair.
SARAH: Um, and then I was like actually, no, fuck y'all.
KAYLA: Mm, but not
SARAH: But not. That's the end of my story, Kayla, begin.
KAYLA: That was beautiful. Yeah
SARAH: Thank you
KAYLA: Now it's time for mine chronologically, so, yes, Sarah came out quote-unquote freshman year and I don't remember if when I saw that on your Tumblr I like googled it and I was like now I know what this is or if I like already had a general idea…
SARAH: I feel like you must have at least had some idea
KAYLA: I feel like I must have. Or I would have like been more confused.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I feel like I had to have had some base knowledge
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I mean, I was also on Tumblr in those days. So, I feel like…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: There must have been something, I don't know. But after Sarah came out we just like… came out whatever, we would just like… I like did have some questions and we would just like talk about different things about like dating or like Sarah would ask me questions which was…
SARAH: Kayla, Kayla, Kayla
KAYLA: Yes. Yes.
SARAH: How long is sex supposed to last? We never got a conclusion
KAYLA: We never found… I still don't know
SARAH: We still don’t know
KAYLA: Um, but like those conversations were the inception of the podcast which we started the summer after our sophomore year
SARAH: Sophomore year
KAYLA: But…
SARAH: That’s our… the summer before our third year of university for those...
KAYLA: Yes, university, yes
SARAH: Third year
KAYLA: But I mean freshman year was a very like interesting time for me. Just learning how like dating worked because I guess to like back up I dated one person in high school and you know, I had like some crushes and stuff, but I… Like I was similar to you like most of my friends did not date, it wasn't something I was like super worried about, it was just like something that like kind of fell into my lap, like the person I dated, it just kind of like happened, it wasn't like something I was like I must find someone to date.
SARAH: Yeah, and you were a nerd. So, the people you knew who dated were dating other nerds
KAYLA: Other nerds, yeah
SARAH: So, it was nerd-dating
KAYLA: It was nerds. Yeah, I dated someone that I was like in theater and band with, it was very…
SARAH: Yeah. I would like to be clear that my friends who dated also dated people that they were in theater and band with.
KAYLA: Yeah. Yeah. It was very…
SARAH: Well, one of them, I don’t know if he was in theater, he wasn't in band, but it was the same vibe.
KAYLA: Yeah. And also like I was raised Catholic and the guy I dated in high school was very Mormon. So, like sex never came up, like neither of us was like it's time to like do this, like neither of us were like pressuring the other or whatever and I like that was totally fine with me, I was like not… I was also just like a good kid, you know? I was like doing my homework and I didn't know people
SARAH: You were good, you weren't sucking dick.
KAYLA: I'm not sucking dick. Um, not like the girl in seventh grade who told everyone she sucked a dick
SARAH: In seventh grade, it freaks me out when I hear… when I hear how young people suck such things, it scares me
KAYLA: But yeah, so I like… I didn't even know people were like drinking and going to parties I was just like I didn't know we were all doing that. I mean I didn't have the urge to
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And then like freshman year I had some…
SARAH: Of high school?
KAYLA: No, I'm sorry freshman year of college
SARAH: Of college
KAYLA: Of college. Yes, so that was my… in like junior year of high school I dated someone and then senior year…
SARAH: Third year, fourth year
KAYLA: In my third year of high school…
SARAH: I'm translating
KAYLA: I know you are. In my fourth year, I don't think… I don't think I was dating him anymore. And then…
SARAH: You weren't dating him your senior year?
KAYLA: I might have for like a little bit of senior year, but I definitely wasn't at the end, because he left on his mission
SARAH: Right. I'm mixing you up with… and her dumb high school boyfriend…
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: Who was in theater?
KAYLA: Anyway, so freshman year of college I had like a few… like I didn't like date anyone officially but there was like a few things…
SARAH: Things
KAYLA: Talking, whatever
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And it was also like the first time I felt like I got like actual attention from boys because I like, you know, I was getting older
SARAH: College is different.
KAYLA: College is different, you know, people are like interested in regular people
SARAH: And it's also… a lot of the people especially I mean, I don't want to speak for your experience but like you've been in school with all these same people for a long time
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: And so, like you don't view them…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: As a date-able like… you're not like, ooh, look at that person. You're like, I remember…
KAYLA: I know you
SARAH: In 3rd grade when you pissed your pants
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Like that, you know?
KAYLA: Yes, that's very true. So, yeah and like those experiences definitely like brought up some like weird feelings of like I do think there was a time that like one guy like wanted to have sex and I like kind of freaked out or like… I just like also didn't understand how dating worked, like I remember there's this one guy who lived in our dorm and I just like we started talking or whatever, so I immediately was like, well, we're a boyfriend girlfriend then like that's what this means and it's like that's not how things… and God it's like not how anything works when you're not in high school.
SARAH: Can I drop some Sarah lore?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I didn't know until I was like 16, 15, 16, that like if you're dating someone you're not automatically boyfriend/girlfriend.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like in my mind dating and being boyfriend/girlfriend was the same thing.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And like when I was asked out in high school, it wasn't like, do you want to go on a date with me?
KAYLA: No
SARAH: It was like do you want to be my girlfriend?
KAYLA: Yeah, so that's… yes
SARAH: And that was the context.
KAYLA: Yes. Same which is why I was confused. I was like…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: What do you mean? We're not doing that
SARAH: I also remember as a child thinking that it was literally… like actually impossible to be in love with more than one person in your entire life
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like I was just like it's just one person and that's it.
KAYLA: And that is what…
SARAH: Like I thought that was how it worked
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And for some people it is
KAYLA: Not for you. So, anyway those things were happening and I was having like just confusing feelings about like, first of all, like how dating worked, which I don't know if that was like really my demi-ness so much, it's just like naivete of just like not having really dated before and like…
SARAH: Little sheltered thing
KAYLA: Yeah, I just didn't know how we were doing that. But then there was also just like some complicated feelings around sex and so that when Sarah came out, we started having these conversations and I learned more about demisexuality. In the back of my mind I was like, okay like that could be me. But I like didn't think much of it and then the summer after our first year, I started dating a guy and I don't even remember if I like had a conversation with him about maybe being demi but like I had never had sex before so there was like no pressure from him to be like we need to have sex right away.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, we like didn't have sex for a while because he knew like I like needed to get on birth control and I just like wasn't ready, and I was just like afraid and whatever. So, like…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: By the time I was ready in other ways, the like sexual attraction was already there. So, like my demi-ness, like I wasn't really thinking about it at the time. But as we continued dating and then Sarah and I started the podcast while I was dating that guy, I like talk about him I think in the first couple episodes
SARAH: Remember how, I believe it's episode six where you talk about…
KAYLA: Online dating?
SARAH: Online dating and then…
KAYLA: Episode seven, like we broke up
SARAH: And then episode seven you had broken up?
KAYLA: Hey, it wasn't me, he broke up with me, I don't know what… I don't know what to say, um, big mistake, huge, anyway
SARAH: Huge
KAYLA: But… so, I remember like getting deeper into that relationship and then starting the podcast and stuff at that point I was like, I feel like I might be demisexual I was just like based on the things I've learned in these conversations we're having
SARAH: And to be clear, the shtick at that time was it was a podcast for me an aro-ace and my straight friend
KAYLA: Yeah, like explaining…
SARAH: Talk about
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Yeah, where like she was explaining things to me, supposedly
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: You know, it was never really that, it was always like us both being confused
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But I think that's also a reflection of the fact that you were aspec
KAYLA: Yeah, like that was the idea and it was a good idea
SARAH: It was a good idea
KAYLA: Like someone should do that successfully
SARAH: Someone should do that better and actually be straight
KAYLA: And actually be straight because it's a good concept. But, um, yeah just like based on the experiences I had had like freshman year and just like the way I had felt through the beginning of this relationship, I was like, I feel like I could be demi but again, I was very sheltered and naive and in love, so I was like, well, I'm going to marry this guy anyway, so
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It doesn't matter.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And then we broke up. So, I was like…
SARAH: And then your honor the next week
KAYLA: He broke up with me
SARAH: Broke up
KAYLA: To focus on med school, anyway, um, we don't have to get into all that
SARAH: It was very dramatic
KAYLA: It was very… well, yeah, of course it was, he was like my first love, anyway
SARAH: Yeah, I know
KAYLA: Anyway, he's doing great.
SARAH: I just from my perspective I remember it being very dramatic
KAYLA: Well, yeah, for you everything is very dramatic
SARAH: So true
KAYLA: So true
SARAH: It's either very dramatic or I don't remember it happening at all.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Those are the two options
KAYLA: That's it. Yeah, that's it. Um, okay, anyway, so then… yes, then we broke up and I kind of like very quickly started talking to this other guy and it was not good because… I mean, a great rebound, it helped things not be so dramatic for a while.
[00:40:00]
KAYLA: But I… you know, like I knew I might be demi but I hadn't handled it for a while and I just like didn't want to think about it and I was already talking to this guy but it was just like very, very, very overwhelming because I still didn't have a great idea of how dating worked in college like I had just gotten very lucky with my first boyfriend that he was just like very chill about everything and like kind of dated in a way that like we dated in the same style. So, it just like worked out.
SARAH: Have you ever… well, yes, continue
KAYLA: Well…
SARAH: I was about to be like, have you ever dated someone who didn't date in the same style? And I was like, that's literally the story you're telling me
KAYLA: I am about to tell, yeah. And so, I was just like very overwhelmed. I was very anxious, I didn't understand like how hookup culture worked, like I understood it, I guess, but I didn't like… I didn't want to do that
SARAH: And you didn't… you didn't understand your place in it
KAYLA: I didn't, no, because I still wasn't really like accepting fully that I was demi so, yeah, I was like talking to this guy for a while. We were mostly just talking, we would see each other in class, he would like come over and hang out. I think we went on like one actual date which like…
SARAH: You would just play Mario Kart
KAYLA: Yeah, and I was better, I don't care what he says. I still talk to him a bit and he'll be like, oh, Mario Kart, and I'm like, you're a trash kid, anyway. He's a… he's a lovely person, like no hard feelings
SARAH: You know what there are hard feelings about? An event I wasn't even there for
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: Why were you kissing this man on a public couch?
KAYLA: I don't know, because I was in college, my brain wasn't fully cooked
SARAH: I wasn't there for that and I'm so glad, I’m so glad I wasn’t there for that
KAYLA: My brain wasn’t fully cooked. Like I don't… it could have been so… I don't know, man. Like of all the nasty things you can do in college, like I really don't feel bad about it. I'm sorry.
SARAH: I found it very upsetting. At least it wasn't my futon.
KAYLA: Anyway… so, it was just a very stressful situation for me. I know there was a time where I like went over to his apartment, he lived in a co-op, because of course he did, I went over to his Co-, we were studying together for our class
SARAH: That seems like a bad place to study. It seems like really distracting
KAYLA: I think he had his own room.
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Well, I mean, if he had a roommate, they like weren't there, I don't know. But I was very worried that we were not actually there to study and that he… we were just like… he wanted to hook up. And so, like I… I walked across campus like super anxious the whole time and I got there and I was like I…
SARAH: Was it on campus?
KAYLA: I don’t think I know how to describe it
SARAH: Like how long of a walk was this is? Is my real question
KAYLA: I forget what's the street is called? But like when we would walk to football games and you like pass all the houses having the like the parties in the yard
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: It was like there
SARAH: Like by Packard?
KAYLA: Not quite
SARAH: Not that… not that far?
KAYLA: Not that deep, but like…
SARAH: Like by the frats?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Like by in the general area of like South quad but further east?
KAYLA: Yes, I would say. So, like not a short walk
SARAH: Yeah, not a short walk.
KAYLA: Not the long… short…
SARAH: Should I leave that in just to confuse everyone?
KAYLA: I will say like all the guys I dated in college were like on that part of campus, so I was always… I always had to be going over there…
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: It was awful
SARAH: Yeah, you were always just going to fucking Packard.
KAYLA: I know, that's where my bitches were. Um, anyway. So, I got there and I was like I have to pee and then I threw up in his bathroom look so anxious
SARAH: Hehe
KAYLA: And so, at some point I like had a conversation with him where I was like, what the fuck are we doing? I was like, I'm so stressed
SARAH: You needed to DTR.
KAYLA: Yeah, I wanted to DTR. I remember him being like, yeah, like…
SARAH: Define the relationship
KAYLA: Define the relationship. I remember him being like, yeah, like I wanted to like wait and have this conversation until after finals but like… I was like, no, I'm so stressed out. And he was basically just saying like, oh, like I just got out of this long-term relationship, so I'm not like looking for anything serious, like I just want to keep this like what it is, you know, just like chill. And I was like, I can be chill, I'm super chill
SARAH: I can do that.
KAYLA: I'm the least chill person I've ever met
SARAH: And I… you told me about this and I was like…
KAYLA: Demi bitch
SARAH: Because by this point I knew Kayla was Demi, I was just… I was letting her… based on the things she had like talked about on the podcast and just like the way she talked about her own experience I was like, this bitch is Demi, but like I can't tell that for her, like I can't tell her that
KAYLA: No, I had to…
SARAH: She’ll just figure it out on her own.
KAYLA: I had to go through this whole thing myself, yeah. And so, for a couple weeks or something, maybe it was like not even I was like, I'm super chill.
SARAH: I'm very chill. It's also finals season.
KAYLA: It was also finals season…
SARAH: What could go wrong?
KAYLA: I was just so stressed out. So yeah, that happened and then I think it was over like… it was over winter break where I was finally like, I am not chill. And I like… I think I had just gone to see one of the like Star Wars movies or I was driving to a Star Wars movie with my family, I don't know. I was in the car, you know, to or from a Christmas time release of a Star Wars
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And it like… for some reason it had like come up in my mind or whatever and I was texting Sarah and I was like I am Demi, like this is not… this is stressing me out. Like this is not working, I am not chill, and I was just like crying in the back of my parents’ car, because I was like really upset that like this situation wasn't working out the way I wanted, because I like genuinely liked this guy, he’s a nice guy and I was also just like mourning the loss of like my quote-unquote normal college life. Like I knew…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: There are avenues that are just not going to be possible for me unless I want to like force myself to do them and be literally sick all the time, which was not going to happen. Well, for… yeah, for some reason I've like always had the resolve not to force myself to do things which is good. So, I like never got into any bad situations like that, but…
SARAH: But you were like, I don't want to be this and I was like, fuck you
KAYLA: You were like, too bad bitch
SARAH: I was like, too bad bitch. Also, I don't know if I'm conflating memories or not, but I… My recollection of when this happened, I was also in the car and I was on the same stretch of road that I was on in like 9th grade when my friend texted me saying that another kid from band wanted to ask me out
KAYLA: Wow… moment
SARAH: And I was panicked. I believe, if I recall correctly, I did still have an NV3 phone at that time if you know, you know, if my recollection is correct, which it very well may not be. But you being upset about your demi-ness and me having the panic of like finding out that this person wanted to ask me out happened like on the same stretch of road in the car
KAYLA: Like maybe everybody who is trying to figure out if they're aspec should go to this road
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And just drive around
SARAH: Just hit me… just hit me with the DM, I'll let you know
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: You have to be in the backseat.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: So, you have to have someone else drive you
KAYLA: Yeah, sounds good.
SARAH: Yep. Continue
KAYLA: Anyway, um, yeah, but it really took that relationship whatever it was not working out or like not going the way I wanted for it to finally hit me like I need to start identifying this way because like I can't like have successful relationships if I'm not going to be able to communicate like what I want and need
SARAH: You needed different things out of that relationship and you wanted different things out of that relationship
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And if you're not able to honestly communicate that it's only going to be painful for everyone involved
KAYLA: Yeah, and like if I had already known I was demi, like I don't… you know, I don't know how things would have worked out differently, from the beginning I had set the expectation of like I am demi, we will not be hooking up anytime soon, if ever, you know?
SARAH: Mm-hmm
KAYLA: But I didn't… I didn't know how to communicate those expectations and that really was the crux of my anxiety was not knowing what the expectations were, like that is why I was so anxious going to his house because I was like, I don't know what he expects from me coming into this and I don't want it to like be an awkward situation or like a… you know, I didn't think he was going to be like nasty about anything. But you know, like…
SARAH: Yeah, the fear of not knowing.
KAYLA: Yeah. And so, I think from my memory I think it still took a little bit for me to start like really calling myself demisexual maybe or no, maybe that was the final straw. I think that was the final straw, I think before that I had like no one but I was like, I don't feel comfortable like using the word, I think you can hear… I think there are episodes on the podcast where I talk about that
SARAH: Somebody fact-check this
KAYLA: Yes. Somebody figure it out. But I think if I remember correctly, I was doing like a lot of being wishy-washy and then that was the final thing
SARAH: Mm-hmm.
KAYLA: Yeah. At least that's what I wrote in the book happened. So, I hope that's what happened
SARAH: It’s true now
KAYLA: It’s true now, yeah, and that was just kind of like the final straw and after that like the next time I went into dating I was like, I am demisexual
SARAH: And you had it in your little bio
KAYLA: I did
SARAH: On dating apps
KAYLA: I did, which I found to be a helpful way of just like setting expectations right from the bat and also just like if people were not going to be into that then they would just like not bother me, you know?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, I did that part, I found that to be successful, so, pro tip, I guess, I don't know
SARAH: Pro tip
KAYLA: I don't know what the apps are like these days, but yeah
SARAH: Would you like to elaborate anymore on the stair stomping?
KAYLA: Oh, yeah, I get… I mean that wasn't really so much a realization as such more of just like…
SARAH: Dealing with it?
[00:50:00]
KAYLA: Dealing with it, but yeah, I guess. So, several years… a year and a half, I don't know after that when I had recently started dating Dean, step Dean, my current partner. Let's see. Yeah, so it was when we were like newly dating. So, we had known each other before because all of us… like everyone in my house Sarah, Dean, all of our friends basically like all… our social circle
SARAH: Dean didn't live in the house, but yes
KAYLA: Yeah, our social circle is what I'm trying to say, our social circle was the Quidditch team, now called quad ball because…
SARAH: The artist formerly known as Quidditch
KAYLA: Yeah. So, we just like… we're in the same social circle and so when we like started dating it was like a whole thing because like when people started dating on the Quidditch team it was like…
SARAH: Oh, yeah, there was a… there was a spit chart
KAYLA: Yeah, but it… like especially when people seriously started dating it was like… That’s what…
SARAH: It was like…
KAYLA: Everyone was talking about it, it was the drama, very fun, except for when it was you but… anyway, we had a friend
SARAH: I was on the fucking spit chart because someone… because there was a version of the spit chart that had… that included a line for feelings.
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: And I had feelings at me. And so, I was on the…
KAYLA: Ooh. Oh
SARAH: Sorry, I just like looked at Kayla very dramatically, that wasn't really good audio, but…
KAYLA: Man, I like got excited, I thought it was like, ooh… but yeah, I forgot it was…
SARAH: No
KAYLA: Sorry, not exciting. Um, anyway, so it was like at some party, we had like recently started dating and one of our mutual friends was a big listener of the podcast asked Dean, like he was like, oh, you know, Kayla is demisexual, right? And so, Dean like texted me about that interaction and I just freaked the fuck out. Like I did ask him for clarification, I think, but it like didn't come very quickly. So, then I was just like panicking. So, I had been like in a… in a school building studying, it was like pretty close to home. So, I was like, well now I'm done studying because now… I'm done now
SARAH: Fuck off
KAYLA: Because I was just like… I had never experienced anyone talking about… like I guess in… I get… I should have known people like would talk about my sexuality since I was… but like…
SARAH: But you had never been faced with other people. Like you had never been made actively aware of like this conversation happened between these people
KAYLA: Right, which… like and it… I don't think I was wrong to freak out about that, like even looking back, because like that is a lot
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I mean… a sexuality and to know that people are talking about it without you there and you don't have control of the conversation, like that's… it's scary. It was scary.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So, like I don't like fault myself for being like… I don't think I was being...
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: My reaction was dramatic
SARAH: Your reaction was dramatic
KAYLA: But I don't think I was like…
SARAH: Yeah, I don't…
KAYLA: Being that… you know
SARAH: Yeah. I don’t think anyone in that situation did anything that was actually wrong.
KAYLA: No, absolutely not.
SARAH: So
KAYLA: Yeah. Anyway, so then I was like all… because I… in my mind as I was freaking out, I thought that this friend was like warning Dean of like oh, are you sure? Or whatever. Which he did not mean at all, I think that was just like my insecurity because I also like was not 100% sure that Dean did know I was demisexual
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Because…
SARAH: You were just like spiraling, you were like, this person supports us and listens to the podcast
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But this is a warning
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And yet this person is warning him, like…
KAYLA: I have no idea why I would think that. But I think the main issue was I like didn't know if he knew, I like assumed he did because the podcast… like people knew about the podcast but, whatever
SARAH: Fear of the unknown
KAYLA: Um, so, yeah, then I like came home and I like slammed the door and I stomped up the steps to Sarah's room and I went up. So, we had two sets of stairs in the house, there was a back set and the front set and usually I took the back set because my room was in the back
SARAH: I was pretty much the only person who consistently always used the front stairs.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true
SARAH: Because of where my room was
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And so, if people came up the front stairs, I was like, oh, what are you doing?
KAYLA: A visitor? Yeah. So, I stomped up the front steps and I like burst in Sarah's room and just started like screaming…
SARAH: Being dramatic.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But it all was fine in the end. Like the friend did not mean anything of it, Dean did know and was fine
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And like everything was fine, but I think it was just like a real moment of me…
SARAH: It was just so dramatic
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I was sitting at my desk trying my darndest to do my homework
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And Kayla just… The door slammed, she came stomping up the stairs, she came into my room and I was like, oh, no.
KAYLA: Here she comes.
SARAH: Which I mean… I guess, yeah, that's not so much awakening or realization but it is… I think it's a part of the process, the coming to terms with…
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Everything.
KAYLA: I mean, it certainly is like a moment of my lore I think
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like a memorable moment of lore
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Because yeah that was the first time I had kind of like dealt with that, and I didn't like it, it was scary
SARAH: And that's the lore.
KAYLA: You're welcome.
SARAH: This would be a great section for a Q&A
KAYLA: Mm, well
SARAH: Let me ask you the Q.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm.
SARAH: What's up?
KAYLA: I’m just sitting
SARAH: Okay. Now you ask me a Q.
KAYLA: Oh, um, who are you wearing?
SARAH: Who?
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Matching family pajama shirt and my sister’s Nike spandex shorts from 2010
KAYLA: Perfect. You didn't ask me but I'm wearing Buc-ee's Boxers, Buc-ee's the gas station store
SARAH: The gas station
KAYLA: And the free shirt I got that says, love who you want and watch women's sports.
SARAH: That's good.
KAYLA: It's a very large shirt, it's my sleep shirt and it already has a stain on it. I don't know man. I think it's ice cream, by the color, a lot of shit right next to my collar
SARAH: A lot of shi… No. Okay. That’s it. Kayla, what's our poll for this week? What are you wearing? And not in a sexual way
KAYLA: Who are you wearing?
SARAH: Who are you wearing?
KAYLA: What is your aspec lore?
SARAH: Yeah, what is your lore? I want to know your lore. Kayla what is your beef and your juice for this week?
KAYLA: Well, my beef is that it's in the 90s
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I don't love that. My juice is that I'm escaping the 90s tomorrow to go on vacation to Mexico, but it will be cooler there. But also, it's going to be raining all week. So, I'm sad, which I know is like a first-world problem, I'm still going on vacation, I'll still have fun, but also I had had an image of my head… in my head of what vacation would look like and now it's different and I don't like when things change.
SARAH: Yeah. You just keep going places.
KAYLA: I know, I'm really sick of it, which I know is also a first-world problem…
SARAH: Oh, it must be so…
KAYLA: Traveling too much, but I legitimately I'm too mentally ill to travel this much, so
SARAH: 90 degrees is 32 degrees Celsius
KAYLA: Thank you
SARAH: So, people have a reference point. 99 degrees is 37 degrees Celsius. So, it's between 32 and…
KAYLA: I do think it's going to get up in the hundreds this week. Oh, also 911, the phone number was down in all of Massachusetts for half the day
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: I didn't know it could do that
SARAH: That’s not allowed. What would happen if you called 911?
KAYLA: I don't know but they were just telling you to call… There was another number they said
SARAH: 411?
KAYLA: No, it was like your like… like a local PD number or something. I guess it might have been a version of 411, I don't know.
SARAH: Oh my God
KAYLA: I don't know how it happened, I haven't looked into it or if they've like released the information, but yeah, for half a day
SARAH: Imagine you like don't know about this in advance and you have to call 911 and you call 911…
KAYLA: I know, they did eventually do like an alert, like an amber alert type alert on my phone, I got one…
SARAH: 911 is broken
KAYLA: Yeah, and then I got approximately five notifications from work because we have like emergency alerts from work
SARAH: Uh-huh
KAYLA: I got a thousand notification, so I was very aware of the 911 issue
SARAH: You were simply aware?
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: That's wild
KAYLA: But I don't think that should be possible because…
SARAH: How does… how does that happen?
KAYLA: I don't know
SARAH: When was 911 established?
KAYLA: Uh, I knew this at one point, but I don’t remember now. But like you would think that they have like so many backups for that to not happen
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Because then my doomsday brain was like if this is possible then someone could purposely take out 911 and then do…
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: An attack or a crime.
SARAH: I'm sorry. Um, the first call to 911 was placed in February of 1968
KAYLA: Yeah, that sounds about right
SARAH: Your parents were alive before 911 existed? Mine weren't
KAYLA: How do you know my… how do you know how old my parents are?
SARAH: I don't know exactly how old they are but I know they're older than my parents and my parents are only one year too young to not… To… you know, statistics.
KAYLA: I don't think they've said why yet it was out
SARAH: Wow. I can't believe it was 1968, that's so late, Jesus Christ. In… Okay. So, in January of 1968, what would you do? This is… Oh, the internet tells me…
KAYLA: Die, I guess
SARAH: Citizens needed to dial a local seven-digit phone numbers to reach police fire emergency services
KAYLA: I think that's what they were telling people to do today, was like your local PD’s number or whatever
SARAH: I guess it is seven digits, I was like, what phone number is seven digits? And then I was like, oh this was like before… I mean obviously it was before cell phones, but like back when you could dial people without area codes
[01:00:00]
KAYLA: I just don't understand how this is… like, how is it possible?
SARAH: I don’t know. Well, great…
KAYLA: Also, like on the first day of a major heat wave when there's probably many emergencies
SARAH: Yeah, was that… did you have a juice?
KAYLA: That was all my things.
SARAH: Okay. I have a gravy. My gravy is that I have started getting into K-pop group Seventeen. Here's the thing…
KAYLA: My eyes, you can't see but it's…
SARAH: Many, many months ago I had some friends who like started getting into Seventeen and I was like based on the way they were talking about things and like whatever and whatever I was like, I know I'm eventually going to go down this rabbit hole, the question is when
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: And it took a while. It took like over a year, but I have somehow found my way into that rabbit hole. Why is it a gravy and not raw juice? Um, it is a gravy because I don't have time
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I don’t have time for this. Do you know how many members there are in Seventeen?
KAYLA: 17?
SARAH: No, 13. 13 members
KAYLA: They could add a couple more, come on now, that's just being lazy at that point
SARAH: I have been in the crisis.
KAYLA: Just it get up to 17
SARAH: I have been in a crisis because I haven't been able to decide on a single bias
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: I was crowdsourcing bias feedback from my Twitter followers. Um, anyway, so that's my beef and my juice because like yeah, but also I don't have time for this
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: All right. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your Seventeen Bias, your Seventeen Bias Line who I've been told is… Bias Line is five people because that group is so big, anyway.
KAYLA: I can't do that.
SARAH: Um, I know who my bias line is, I just don't know who my bias is. Anyway, um, you tell us about your beef and your juice and your things on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Rachel, Rebekah Monnin, Scott Ainslie, Sofia P and we'll stop it there, we'll stop it there. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Derick & Carissa who would like to promote supporting each other through the transitions we face, including when your friend is like, I'm not demi but they are. Elle Bitter who would like to promote…
KAYLA: And we didn't say this earlier, but I will say that what Sarah did was correct
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Do not tell your friends what their sexuality is, just let it… Watch it happen and be supportive as frustrating as I'm sure it is.
SARAH: It's like the Sue from glee meme, it's... hold on.
KAYLA: I don't recall what the meme is, I love content in the middle of a patron readout.
SARAH: Oh, yes, it's… You know, there's only one person in the world who can tell you what you are and then it shows Kurt being like, me? And then it… and then she says, no, me Sue Sylvester.
KAYLA: She's so right
SARAH: Anyway, our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week, we did Derick & Carissa, now we're doing Elle Bitter who would like to promote normalizing the use of tone indicators, my aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher’s Haven, Kayla's dad who would like to promote JandiCreations.com, and Maff who who would like to promote the Don't Should Sweatshirt because we really shouldn't be shitting. We… you ought not be shitting. Mm? Our other $10 patrons are Martin Chiesl, Parker, Purple Hayes, Barefoot Backpacker, SongOStorm, Val, Alyson, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Bones, Celina Dobson, and then also David Harris. Our $15 patrons are Ace who would like to promote the writer Crystal Scherer, Andrew Hillum who would like to promote The Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Dia Chappell who would like to promote Twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Hector Murillo who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla’s Aunt Nina who would like to promote katemaggartart.com, Phoenix Leodinh who I checked and would like to… didn't have anything yet to promote, Schnell who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Dr. Jacki who would like to promote Dr. Jacki and dragonfly and my mom who would like to promote the fact that I'm podcasting from a different room, a new room, a new room. Thanks for listening.
KAYLA: A new room
SARAH: Not in New York. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows
SARAH: In New York
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]