Ep 236: Aspec Microlabels Pt. 1
Episode 236: Aspec Microlabels Part 1
November 6, 2022
(00:00)
SARAH: Hey what's up hello, welcome to Sounds Fake but Okay a podcast where an aroace girl, I'm Sarah that's me
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, that's me Kayla
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand
KAYLA: On today's episode: microlabels
SARAH AND KAYLA: Sounds fake, but okay
(theme music)
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!
KAYLA: We're back! You missed us maybe but now we're back!
SARAH: I hope everyone enjoyed their spooky week off
KAYLA: Their spooky ace week, oh so scary oh so ace
SARAH: Yeah, big brains us taking a week off during ace week. Nailed it.
KAYLA: It was necessary
SARAH: Self care. I've said it on this podcast before. Sometimes what you need to do for ace week, for ace celebrations, is just take care of yourself, and that's what we did
KAYLA: Especially when you do ace celebrations every other week of the year.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I was telling my therapist about ace week and she was like "shouldn't people be doing things for you guys?" and I was like, you know Kat, I feel like they should, you know?
SARAH: (laughing) That's a good point
KAYLA: next year how about you all give us a present?
SARAH: Not you all being necessarily the listeners, but like allos.
KAYLA: I mean they can... aspecs
SARAH: I mean listeners you're welcome to give us a present also, but I don't want you to feel like you must. I think the people that really should be celebrating us is the allos
KAYLA: Yes. No that is very true. Anyway
SARAH: Great. Do we have any housekeeping? soundsfakepod.com/book
KAYLA: Yeah. Pre-order the book. If you missed the livestream you can still go watch it on our YouTube
SARAH: RT
KAYLA: Yeah there's a lot of threads that I saw during ace week about a lot of ace books that are already out or coming out both fiction and non-fiction, so check all that out, but ours especially
SARAH: (laughing) We're biased
KAYLA: I mean, you know. I can't think of any other housekeeping.
SARAH: Alright, cool. Well Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, I thought we would start a little micro-series, if you will
SARAH: A little series for microseries
KAYLA: About microlabels. This is something we've literally had on our list of things to do since probably day one of the podcast, 5 years ago
SARAH: I would say probably since the Big Bang
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Really just since the inception of consciousness
KAYLA: Of the universe
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Yeah. Literally we have a document of episode ideas, and this has been on there for a long time
SARAH: (laughing) Years
KAYLA: And I think it's finally time to do it
SARAH: It's time
KAYLA: I don't think that we'll do like all of these episodes in a row or anything
SARAH: No
KAYLA: It'll just kind of be interspersed when we're feeling it, but
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Going to do the first one today
SARAH: We'll just do a little sampling of some microlabels, and we can talk about them.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And then you can talk back at us several days later, once this is posted
KAYLA: On the internet
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: Not with your voices. I mean I guess you could record a voice message?
SARAH: I mean you could also just speak into the void. I wouldn't necessarily hear you
KAYLA: Right, but whatever works for you
SARAH: Yeah, so there's that. Alright. With whatmst shall we start?
KAYLA: Yeah. I did a little bit of digging on the Internet, and there is a lot out there
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: So I guess we can start with what a microlabel is
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: For those of you that are completely new to it
SARAH: It's a label that's very, very, very, very, very small. You can't even see it from a distance
KAYLA: Yes. Little label. Little baby label. Microlabels are if you look at kind of the asexual spectrum or the asexual umbrella, the aromantic spectrum aromantic umbrella, they are the labels that fall under those identities
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: So smaller labels that fit under the labels of asexual or aromantic that kind of just define more niche experiences
SARAH: More specific
KAYLA: More specific experiences
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But all fit under the aspec umbrella
SARAH: Yeah, and for some people their microlabel is an identity unto itself, for some people it is just a descriptor to help describe their asexuality or their aromanticism, but
(05:00)
SARAH: I mean however people use to choose that for them is great, and we're not going to tell you how to or not to use any of these words. We're just here to kind of talk about them, and you know, let people know that they exist and spread the good word, and also learn ourselves because there's a ton here I don't know, so.
KAYLA: Yeah. I did want to start off by saying you should by no means take everything we're saying as your only source of research for these things
SARAH: That would be silly
KAYLA: Yeah. I will be reading the definitions from other websites and such, but yeah. I kind of thought that we could, you know, go through the definitions, react to what we think of it, discuss whether we identify with any of these things or not, but yeah. I'm not trying to make this like a super... obviously it'll be informational. The point of this episode is more for us to kind of discuss what we think of these rather than it to be super informational, you know what I mean?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Which is, as you know if you've listened to this show, the vibe
SARAH: The vibe. Let's begin
KAYLA: Yeah. So I'm going roughly in alphabetical order here, but if we do an episode and you're like "you missed this one" then we'll go back, you know what I mean?
SARAH: Yeah just let us know if we like missed an A or something and we can do it
KAYLA: Yeah, we'll go back. So the first one we're starting with is aceflux and aroflux. Have you heard of this one?
SARAH: I hear these all the time
KAYLA: yes this one I feel like is one of the ones that I hear most often?
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: These days. So I'm reading this definition from TAAAP, the ace and aro advocacy project
SARAH: Oh, TA-A-A-P
KAYLA: TA-A-A-Ap, yeah. They have a blog called spectrum 101, which is really, really good. I took a lot from here. Where they go over a lot of different microlabels and such, so flux. So for aro, aroflux is a label for those who find themselves shifting between various arospectrum experiences, or they shift between aromantic and alloromantic and aceflux is the same but for the acespectrum, so shifting along the acespectrum or between asexual and alloromantic. It also says that people with fluctuating orientations may feel uncomfortable identifying with a specific label as what feels authentic to them may change at different points, and so some people are just more comfortable with a flux label because it kind of shows that changing orientation rather than a super stable orientation.
SARAH: Yeah and people who are aspec, some people might just be like "I'm aspec. What am I? Who knows" but other people might prefer to use aceflux or aroflux because it indicates motion in a way that just saying you're aspec or saying you're ace or saying you're aro doesn't. And so they can certainly have a similar experience to someone who does not identify this way – and this is true of all of them – but you know. They feel loosey goosey. They feel like water. Flow flow, drip drop
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Ping pong. Water does not ping pong
KAYLA: It does not. But yeah in this definition they talk about some other microlabels that I have later down in our list, just like other labels with similar meanings about kind of the fluidity and shifting of orientations, but to me, it almost reminds me of like a genderfluid identity maybe
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Where like it's not that your identity is very vague, it's that it is literally changing
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Moment to moment. Like you were saying. It's not like something we'll talk about later, quoiromantic, where the point of it is that it's very kind of fuzzy and vague.
SARAH: To be clear, we won't be talking about quoiromantic today.
KAYLA: No we will not
SARAH: (laughing) That's in the Q's
KAYLA: Far down the list, in the Q's if you can even guess it, but at some point, we will talk about it
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Is this something that you feel like you have any identity with?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Don't think so either. I feel – not that my labels have not changed, because we all know they have, but
SARAH: yeah. I think I feel very secure in my labels, and I don't mean secure in the sense of like...
KAYLA: You're sure of them?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But they're stagnant
SARAH: They have been stagnant, and it's not like... I don't know.
KAYLA: It's not like a, yeah
SARAH: I tried to say something
KAYLA: It's not fluctuating
SARAH: And then it went away, so. But yeah I don't really identify with this at all
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Because
KAYLA: I'll tell you what
(10:00)
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: The flags are great. Aceflux and aroflux? They got some great flags
SARAH: Are they? Hold on I got to look them up.
KAYLA: Very good colors
SARAH: Ace flux flag. ooh
KAYLA: Very good.
SARAH: That's very nice
KAYLA: The colors are good
SARAH: It's very nice. Oh my god. Wow. Where's the aroflux please
KAYLA: It's very similar but with a green moment
SARAH: Ah. Wow. Oh that's not what I expected. Okay. Wow
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: What an experience. I hope everyone else gets to experience that too if you don't know what they look like
KAYLA: Yeah, very good. Okay the next one I have on my list is actually one of the identities I was just referring to. It's abrosexual or abroromantic.
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Abro identities are fluid meaning a person who identifies with this label may at times experience orientations that are either on or off the ace spectrum. So this is not an aspec specific microlabel. This could be across orientations.
SARAH: Interesting
KAYLA: But this is something so where aro and ace flux are specific to fluctuating mostly within the ace spectrum or between the ace spectrum and alloness
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: This can go across any identities. So again, this feels very similar? But someone tell me if I'm wrong, but an equivalent to genderfluid but for sexuality and romantic orientation rather than gender.
SARAH: And you know it's called abrosexual or abroromantic, and you know if you're attracted to men that might mean that sometimes you're just like sexually attracted to a bro and sometimes you're not
KAYLA: (sighs) Yeah, good one
SARAH: Thank you. Not your bro because that's weird, a bro.
KAYLA: A bro. Yeah no, not your bro
SARAH: (laughing) It's not your bro sexual
KAYLA: No, no, no, no, no. Just a bro.
SARAH: Just a bro
KAYLA: Universal bro
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Yeah again I don't think this is one that I personally identify with either. I feel like my identities have changed, but not quickly enough that I would describe them as fluid
SARAH: Yeah. Do you feel that your identities, that the way you have felt has changed? Or just the terms that you use to describe how you feel has changed?
KAYLA: Honestly that's something I've put a decent amount of thought into. I don't know.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Demisexuality I think has probably been there for the long haul.
SARAH: (laughs)
KAYLA: Biromanticism I'm honestly not sure because sometimes there are things I look back in my life on and I'm like "mm okay that's a little fruity"
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But like I feel like I don't have strong as experience I hear a lot of people having of "oh I can't believe I didn't know I was gay when I was doing XYZ"
SARAH: Yeah. Well it's also harder because you're demi and that adds another barrier to entry
KAYLA: Right I was about to say, which we like did a whole episode about that
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: But yeah. And then obviously the heteronormativity of it's not even something that was even in my mind when I was younger so yeah
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Honestly I'm not sure
SARAH: Tea. And you know what, kids? That's okay.
KAYLA: And you know what? Who cares?
SARAH: Nothing matters
KAYLA: nothing actually matters at all. Let me find the next... okay this is one I had never heard of until I was doing a little research today
SARAH: This one is for volleyball players
KAYLA: oh kay. This one is either acespike or arospike
SARAH: Yeah it's for volleyball players. You spike the ball.
KAYLA: Yeah I guess that is the only sport you spike in, huh?
SARAH: You wear spikes in track and field sports
KAYLA: Yeah, that's true. The flag for spike orientations does have a little spike on it, so that's fun.
SARAH: (laughing)
KAYLA: She's doing a Google. While you're doing a google, ace/arospike orientations are on the aspec, on the a-spectrum, and they are for people who don't usually feel sexual attraction however on occasion have rare sudden and intense spikes of attraction that last for a very short amount of time and after this they return just as quickly to not having that attraction
SARAH: Interesting.
KAYLA: So yeah it feels kind of like the flux orientations but much quicker
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Is kind of where I see the distinction at least, or where that distinction kind of makes sense to me. Instead of having like a few days where I'm feeling attraction or a few days where I'm feeling allo that it's like very quick and then goes away just as quickly
(15:10)
SARAH: Yeah. Some may say it's like a spike
KAYLA: And that's crazy
SARAH: That's so crazy
KAYLA: That some may say that
SARAH: So, so silly
KAYLA: Did you find your flag?
SARAH: Yeah I did. It's got a spike good
KAYLA: It's got spikes on it
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: This one is hard for me. I feel like I wouldn't...
SARAH: It's such a niche experience
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: That I feel like you have to have experienced it to truly comprehend it
KAYLA: No
SARAH: You know?
KAYLA: Attraction at all is so hard to describe
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Or understand what it feels like that the experience of having it spike so quickly and go away just seems like it would be so overwhelming
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I don't know. Obviously I can't speak to this at all, I don't think I've experience this, but this seems like a very interesting experience. I don't know. I would love to learn more about this
SARAH: I can imagine a very confusing experience to if you don't know the term
KAYLA: True
SARAH: Acespike or arospike or aspike
KAYLA: A spike
SARAH: (laughing) A spike
KAYLA: Yeah I had never heard of this one until today, but I find it very interesting.
SARAH: Now you know
KAYLA: Yeah. And the more you know
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Okay this is another one that I've heard a lot, especially more recently
SARAH: Same
KAYLA: It's either...
SARAH: Aego
KAYLA: Y'all the spelling.
SARAH: I would read that as aego
KAYLA: I think you're right. It's either aegoromantic or aegosexual. So it's A-E-G-O word
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Also sometimes known as auto – I've never read this word out loud actually
SARAH: I would say autochorisexual autochoriromantic
KAYLA: Kay
SARAH: Autochoris-sexual, autochoris-romantic
KAYLA: Autochoris-romantic, yeah. I have read that in my head so many times, and I think I just go (gibberish)
SARAH: (gibberish)
KAYLA: So sometimes it's also known as autochoris-romantic or sexual. If you are aegoromantic, that term would mean you do not personally feel romantic attraction, but you enjoy seeing depictions of romantic love, might have strong desires to see it presented with others. And then for aegosexual it's the same thing but for sex. You don't personally feel sexual attraction but you enjoy seeing depictions of sex so those experiences are sometimes described as feeling a disconnect between oneself and any desire, attraction, or enjoyment they might feel. Some people might only enjoy such depictions or fantasies in situations that they couldn't possibly imagine themselves in. So if you're aegoromantic it could mean that you enjoy romance novels and movies, you really like shipping, but you're also aromantic and have no attraction yourself. If you're aegosexual, you might really enjoy watching porn or reading smut, but you have no attraction that spurs you to act on those behaviors. You might have libido that spurs you to do that, but the attraction is not what's spurring you to do that.
SARAH: Yeah. I'm curious about – as a you
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: As an allosexual – no. As an allo... as a not allosexual but a person who does experience sexual attraction
KAYLA: Sexual attraction yeah. As a sexual attraction haver
SARAH: Yeah. As a sexual attraction haver, I'm curious about what your take on this is. Or what your reaction to it is
KAYLA: To me this makes a lot of sense.
SARAH: Yeah me too
KAYLA: Especially knowing you, I guess. Because you, especially on the romantic side
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: You do enjoy a romance. You do enjoy a ship
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: you don't like when they are forced into plots
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But it's something that you do enjoy a lot.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: This makes complete sense to me. I mean, you don't have to experience something yourself. What did I just say? Was that a sentence?
SARAH: Yeah. What?
(laughter)
KAYLA: I don't know what's going on with me tonight. I'm so sorry
SARAH: Amazing. I think this is definitely an identity that I feel like is probably closely related to people who are romance or sex averse
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: Where it's like they have no problem with it, they might even have a positive opinion on it, but they themselves don't feel the need to be involved in it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: With another person. And obviously that is conflating a little bit attraction and action, but I feel like there's definitely probably a lot of overlap, is my guess.
(20:09)
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Of people who identify as aegosexual or aegoromantic and also as sex or romance averse.
KAYLA: Yeah. I would find it hard to imagine that someone who is sex or romance repulsed could also be aego. I could be wrong, but.
SARAH: Yeah, it seems a little bit...
KAYLA: It seems like it would be difficult
SARAH: Conflicting
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: And this also explains there are a lot of asexual smut writers out there
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: who themselves don't have sex!
KAYLA: Yeah you don't need to
SARAH: Makes sense
KAYLA: This is something that I feel like I definitely identify with
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Also notably, I said sometimes also known as auto – what?
SARAH: Autochori
KAYLA: Yeah autochoris romantic or sexual. So autochoris-sexual, the word was created by a man named Anthony Boggart.
SARAH: Boggart
KAYLA: And he discussed the word as being a paraphilia, which is an intense sexual arousal to atypical objects or situations rather than orientation, which isn't you know... really what it is?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: At least to aspecs
SARAH: I get wary when I see the word auto as part of a
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Prefix because I worry about who created it
KAYLA: Yeah. So the term aegosexual rose out of the wish to have a term with a similar meaning but removing that pathologization of "it's a strange object" or "atypical situation" so yeah that's why you might hear both words
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: But I think there's a movement, I guess, toward using aego rather than autochoris which makes it seem like a weird thing when it's not
SARAH: Laego my aego
KAYLA: That's what I'm saying
SARAH: Exactly. This one makes so much sense to me
KAYLA: yeah
SARAH: (laughing) I get it on a fundamental level
KAYLA: And obviously us saying "oh this makes sense to us" doesn't mean that any of the other microlabels
SARAH: Of course, yeah.
KAYLA: Don't make sense or aren't real
SARAH: These ones just might align more closely with our own experiences
KAYLA: Yeah. Would you, do you think use these words to describe yourself?
SARAH: I don't think I would... I'm not drawn to using microlabels myself, in general.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I don't feel a need to
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: So eh
KAYLA: I have yet to find a microlabel that I identify with so strongly
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: That I would add it to my string of labels.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: This, I do resonate with this
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: but I don't think it is such a strong connection that I would put myself in that community
SARAH: Yeah. I mean same. I get it. This makes sense to me, but I'm not like it's a big part of who I am.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: You know? But that's just me. And that's the whole point.
KAYLA: And you know what? So true. Next one?
SARAH: Yes
KAYLA: So the next one is apothisexual or apothiromantic. This is someone who is either asexual or aromantic and is then either sex repulsed or romance repulsed. So the definition I found said sex averse or sex repulsed or like romance averse or romance repulsed
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Our personal definitions, those things are separate, so...
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: I'm not sure exactly what this definition, if it's for both.... I don't quite know
SARAH: Yeah because I was looking at the definition you have written where it says "sex averse (sex repulsed)" but my brain is like, those aren't, they're not the same thing
KAYLA: Yeah. I'm trying to find which of the websites I found
SARAH: This definition that you have does seem like they use the same definition of averse. It says they are averse to the idea of engaging in sexual activities themselves, but are okay with sexual activity that do not involve them directly. Others may be repulsed by the idea of sex altogether. So I do think this person is actually, or this definition is embracing
KAYLA: Both
SARAH: Sex averse and sex repulsed as different identities
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: But saying that they can both fall under the umbrella of apothisexual
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: /apothiromantic with romance
KAYLA: Right. Yeah. I think you are right. So yeah. I mean this is a label that does technically describe your experience
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: with sex at least
(25:00)
KAYLA: I can't remember where you fall on the romance spectrum
SARAH: Eh. I have less strong feelings about it
KAYLA: Yeah. A neutral moment.
SARAH: A neutral moment
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: I think there's also definitely some potential overlap between aego and apothi identities in a venn diagram way
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Not in a "they're equivalent" way but
KAYLA: No for sure. Like we were just saying, I think it would probably be hard to be aego when you're repulsed
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: But if you are just averse or definitely you know if you're a favorable person
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Then yeah I think that makes a lot of sense
SARAH: (laughing) You mean a sex favorable person, or a romance favorable person?
KAYLA: What did I say? Something favorable person?
SARAH: You just said a favorable person
KAYLA: I think we all know what I meant
SARAH: Favored by the gods
KAYLA: If you're favored by the gods. Yeah. This one is interesting because I didn't know that there... I knew obviously that there's a spectrum from favorable to averse, I did not realize though that there was like identity names
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: For where you fall on that spectrum. I guess I could've assumed that, but I hadn't even thought about it really
SARAH: Yeah, me neither.
KAYLA: That's exciting. I don't know, I feel like to me it just makes more sense to me to say "I'm a sex-repulsed ace or romance favorable aro," you know?
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: I feel like that's what I would do
SARAH: Yeah, for me it's more straightforward
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: Some people really identify with a group in a community in a way that perhaps I don't
KAYLA: Yeah. I think I saw on one of the websites I was looking at that it was saying like if you find that to just be a mouthful, it's a much quicker way of explaining your full identity to just have one word for it rather than having to be like "this is my identity, but then this is how I feel about romance", you know?
SARAH: Mhm. I will say though, the difference in syllables between apothisexual and sex-averse asexual is only one
KAYLA: You know, that's fair. What I will say, my one critique of microlabels,
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So hard to pronounce. I'm fighting for my life
SARAH: Hard to pronounce, and it is hard to remember all of them
KAYLA: yes
SARAH: But maybe for some people that's a plus where it's like only people who are really in the know will know what you're talking about and so you won't feel like exposed all the time? You know?
KAYLA: Yeah and something I've seen a lot of aspec people talk about is that they will change the words they use for their identity depending on who they're talking to
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: If they're talking to an allo person
SARAH: The code switch
KAYLA: They might just say "hi yes I'm aromantic". Yes. But if you're talking to someone within the community then you would feel probably a lot more comfortable using every word that you like to use to describe yourself
SARAH: Yeah. Or you're me and it's all the same
KAYLA: Yeah. Or you just don't need it, and any way you do it is fine.
SARAH: (singing) Any way you want it, that's the way you need it
KAYLA: Uh huh
SARAH: What's next?
KAYLA: (yawning) Next is me yawning
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: After that. This one is the one that I have the most questions about
SARAH: It is the one that I have the most visceral reaction to
KAYLA: Okay, I'll explain it. So it's autosexual/autoromantic. It is a label that refers to someone who is mostly or only feels sexual or romantic attraction to themselves. The reason that I am confused by this one is because when I went to look it up – so for most of these labels when I went to look them up, I have a couple websites I was looking at. I'm going to try to remember to link them in the notes of this episode
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: If not someone yell at me and then I'll go back and do it. And then when I would look at it I would then go to Google and type it in and there would usually be for a lot of these like an AVEN post or something on the LGBTQ wiki or like going back to one of these websites I was on
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: For this one when I looked up, it was a lot of healthline.com
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Or like WebMD, or those kind of websites being like "how to know if you're autosexual" or "what autosexuality is"
SARAH: yeah
KAYLA: I just didn't find as many aspec resources talking about it
SARAH: Yeah. It's like as I said earlier I'm just wary of anything that involves the word auto because I worry about who created the term, or who principally uses the term.
KAYLA: And I wasn't. Let me see where the...
(30:00)
KAYLA: So yeah when I was looking on the LGBTQ wiki their reference for where their information came from is a WebMD article
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: It's not like an aspec
SARAH: It's not aspec discourse or...
KAYLA: Right
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Which, and I can't remember where I saw this, but I remember one of these websites was like "this term has come up on AVEN" so it's not like people in the community aren't talking about it
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: It's just when I went to look it up it was largely, like the first things that were popping up was not aspec community, so this is another one where I would love to hear actual aspec people's experience with this
SARAH: mhm
KAYLA: If they do experience this or if this is something that's being put upon the community from the outside
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Because I wasn't really able to tell
SARAH: Same. And I also can't fathom having attraction only to yourself, but I also can't fathom in a lot of ways having attraction at all, so
KAYLA: Yeah. This one was interesting to me because from what I read it was things about like "you prefer solo sex" or "you feel that you have a relationship with yourself," which like obviously everyone has some sort of relationship with themself
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: But yeah the idea of having attraction toward yourself is something that I just personally don't relate to, so
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: This is another one that's very new to me, and I would love to hear if someone experiences this, what that like
SARAH: And you know, if you save room for Jesus you're never truly alone
KAYLA: (sighs)
SARAH: (laughing) I'm killing it today
KAYLA: You're killing something
SARAH: The more Kayla sighs exasperatedly, the more I've succeeded
KAYLA: Recently the people in our discord have been playing drinking games with old episodes
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: And they have to pick things like "oh if Sarah mentions BTS you take a drink" or whatever
SARAH: Would this count? Because Kayla mentioned
KAYLA: I don't know, but at this point are they just going to start doing like "Kayla sighs", "Kayla gets exasperated with Sarah" because y'all are going to get so drunk or hydrated if you're playing with not alcohol
SARAH: or high-drated
KAYLA: True, weed
SARAH: If you are doing weed and water at the same time
KAYLA: Uh huh. Anyway
SARAH: (laughing) I think they should drink every time you go "Uh huh"
KAYLA: (laughing) I mean sometimes, what else am I supposed to say to you? I just... there's only so many words I have
SARAH: Yeah. Let's go on to the next microlabel then
KAYLA: Okay. This next one is also one that is new to me today as I was doing a little look. It is bellusexual and bellusromantic
SARAH: You have them spelled differently
KAYLA: I know what I did. It described, so for bellusexual described people who have interest in certain aspects of sexual actions and/or the aesthetic of sexual relationships however they do not feel sexual attraction and don't want a sexual relationship. And then for romantic it'd be the same thing that you have interest in certain aspects of romance or the aesthetic of it but you don't have romantic attraction or want a romantic relationship
SARAH: I sort of get that. It's like you think horses are cool and you like the idea of horses
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: But you don't want a horse, and you don't necessarily even want to ride a horse. You know?
KAYLA: I guess the thing I'm confused with with this is what's the difference between this and like aego?
SARAH: The difference is what word you think fits best
KAYLA: I know but we both know that's not what I was asking you
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: Like I'm interested in what the nuance is there. Because I'm sure there is a difference
SARAH: This one seems like it's more about interest and aesthetic rather than consuming...
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: content. Do you understand what I'm saying?
KAYLA: I think so?
SARAH: It feels like bellussexual or bellusromantic is more of you like to, it's like you're daydreaming about what it could be whereas aegosexual or aegoromantic means you're more interested in or more okay with reading about it or watching it or being more involved not personally but more actively involved in the consuming of it?
(35:22)
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: Consuming is not the right word, but I –
KAYLA: No, I know what you mean.
SARAH: I don't know if there is a right word. That's my take. That's just my first blush. That's what it seems like
KAYLA: Yeah. Hold up, I found a Reddit post of someone asking what the difference is
SARAH: mm
KAYLA: I'm trying to do a little read
SARAH: Seems like it's taking too long
KAYLA: It is. I'm so confused. It seems like everyone is confused.
SARAH: Well we can let the people answer for us
KAYLA: Someone tell me
SARAH: (sing-song) Someone please help explain. Let's do one more
KAYLA: Hold on I'm reading
SARAH: Oh goodness. Expedency. Expediency. Expedia. I would forcibly close the tab if I could
KAYLA: No
SARAH: I haven't eaten dinner
KAYLA: Bellus is liking the idea of having sex but not actually wanting it in real life.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Aego is having sexual fantasies that do not involve you but are instead like watching a movie about other characters. I get it now.
SARAH: Okay, okay
KAYLA: I get it
SARAH: That's actually helpful. Thank you for not closing the tab
KAYLA: It's actually so helpful user Rin on AVEN. That's actually so helpful. So yes aego is like you want to be completely detached from it
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: It's fantasizing about other people
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Having sex or doing romance. Bellus is like fantasizing about yourself doing it but not actually wanting to do it
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: irl
SARAH: That makes sense
KAYLA: That actually makes so much sense. Thank you Rin from AVEN. Oh my god
SARAH: (laughing) Thank you Rin!
KAYLA: My brain feels so big right now. Watch that all be wrong
SARAH: My brain just feels at peace
KAYLA: And someone is like "you idiot". Please tell us
SARAH: Well
KAYLA: Please tell us if we're wrong. I want to learn. My brain feels huge
SARAH: I want to learn. Alright last one
KAYLA: Alright this is the last one for today. We got through like half of the ones I have. We're really going
SARAH: We're flying.
KAYLA: We're flying away. So the last one is caed. It's C-A-E-D so I think caed
SARAH: Seems like Celtic or like Gaelic
KAYLA: Yeah that's what I'm saying about these pronunciations y'all. I don't know. Anyway
SARAH: Also I used to say Celtic (pronounced seltic) but then I was told it's Celtic (pronounced Keltic)
KAYLA: It sure it
SARAH: But the basketball team is the Celtics (pronounced Seltics)
KAYLA: They are the Celtics that's true
SARAH: I'm always confused. Continue
KAYLA: It is confusing. So caedsexual or romantic is defined by someone who felt that they were allosexual or romantic at some point but that has been taken or cut away from them due to past trauma
SARAH: This is so valid
KAYLA: This I'm so happy to find that there's a word for this
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And I've said this in so many episodes now, but the amount of people that have come to us asking if they're allowed to identify as aspec because they feel that part of their identity is because of trauma
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: Like you're allowed to identify as aspec for whatever reason
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: As long as you're not some weirdo trying to just...
SARAH: Aspec-bait
KAYLA: Aspec bait yeah, I don't know. That's not a thing. Anyway. But it is a fine thing and there's a word for it. I'm just very happy that there is a word to describe that experience because it is something that's very real and something that I feel like people are very confused around or that they shouldn't be in the community
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: When it's like, sexuality can be a lot of things for a lot of reasons.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: So
SARAH: It doesn't have to make sense, but if you do find that when you make sense of it this is the place you come to, then there is a place for you in the community still.
KAYLA: Absolutely. Sexuality is very fluid and it's not always a "born this way" situation, and that's okay
SARAH: Sexuality is like a river going ping pong
KAYLA: And as we know, that is the sound that water makes
SARAH: (laughing) Yeah
KAYLA: Is ping pong
SARAH: Ping pong. Sometimes bing bong
KAYLA: Sometimes bing bong, if you can even believe it. That's all of the words I have for you today
SARAH: True
KAYLA: Hopefully we weren't wrong on anything. If we were –
SARAH: Or if we were, we were only slightly wrong
KAYLA: Let us know. I'm going to try my very hardest to remember to link the websites that I used as references below because they're also just like super, super helpful
SARAH: Yeah
(40:00)
KAYLA: Pertaining to microlabels
SARAH: Hey Kayla
KAYLA: Yeah?
SARAH: you should link those below
KAYLA: I really should. Maybe I'll make a note for myself. And if there's any words that we missed or that you want us to cover in the next time we do a microlabel episode, let us know, and we will do it
SARAH: Hell yeah. I hope you learned something. I know I learned something.
KAYLA: Me too
SARAH: I hope you didn't throw your phone at the wall in anger
KAYLA: I would hope not
SARAH: Yeah I would hope that never happens when you listen to this podcast
KAYLA: It would be bad for your phone and your wall
SARAH: Yeah and probably your mental wellness
KAYLA: Yeah you shouldn't do that
SARAH: Wouldn't impact us because we wouldn't know you did it
KAYLA: Unless you tell us
SARAH: Well. What's our poll for this week?
KAYLA: What microlabels do you use?
SARAH: Nice. /none. The answer can be none
KAYLA: True. If any
SARAH: If any. Great. Kayla, what is your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: This week my beef is that it's hot.
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: It's not like hot hot, but it's in the 50s
SARAH: Oh I would love it if it were in the 50s
KAYLA: Right and look don't get me wrong, 50s is normally my ideal weather, but like
SARAH: It's 57 right now and it rained today, and I was so excited
KAYLA: Okay but the thing is that it's November 2nd
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And that I live in Boston
SARAH: Boston
KAYLA: And so we shouldn't be doing that weather right now. And it's hot in my house, and I should be wearing sweatpants.
SARAH: And you're not?
KAYLA: I'm not. I'm wearing shorts because it's hot. And I live on the 3rd floor
SARAH: I'm wearing shorts but I have a blanket on my legs. Very pleased.
KAYLA: I just remembered a piece of housekeeping
SARAH: (laughing) What?
KAYLA: I finally got a new PO box
SARAH: Oh my god that's so true. Well. If you listen through the pod
KAYLA: You'll know. I'll try to remember for next week
SARAH: You'll know
KAYLA: But it's on our website if you scroll to the very bottom of any page it's there or if you go to our Linktree in any of our socials it is also there if you want to send me a little present
SARAH: Yeah!
KAYLA: And Sarah's is also there if you want to send Sarah a present
SARAH: Mine is also there but it just hasn't changed
KAYLA: Yeah support the USPS
SARAH: True.
KAYLA: There was some really nice ladies talking shit
SARAH: Nice
KAYLA: When I went to the post office, so that was fun
SARAH: If you are eligible to vote in the United States and you haven't yet chop chop
KAYLA: Do that
SARAH: You have till Tuesday. I haven't done it yet
KAYLA: I sent in mine the other day but now I'm really paranoid because I had to put it in one of the blue mailboxes, and what if it got stuck or something?
SARAH: Do you get a – I guess you wouldn't know. Is this your first time voting in Boston?
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: Yeah because for me when they receive my ballot they text me
KAYLA: I wish they would do that. I did just send it on like Monday night, so probably not there yet.
SARAH: Yeah I'm looking at my ballot. I haven't done it yet. I need to do it this weekend and then I'll put it in the little dropbox. I'll go on a little walk.
KAYLA: There are people... Now we're just going on a tangent. This is another beef I have. There are people in my hometown where I'm registered to vote who are running for the school board who are running on the platform of not wanting to teach critical race theory and also they hate bathrooms.
SARAH: Oh cool
KAYLA: You know?
SARAH: (laughing) Piss on the floor.
KAYLA: (laughing) So true.
SARAH: (laughing) That's what they want
KAYLA: And at one point when my parents were doing some sort of voting, my dad started talking to these people because he used to be on the school board
SARAH: Mhm
KAYLA: So he was just like "what the fuck are these people doing" and this one guy was like "yeah I'm like against CRT" and my dad goes "oh what does that mean". My dad knows what it means
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: He was just being an asshole.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: And the guy had to turn to someone else and ask what it meant. And I was like sir this is your running platform. What are you doing?
SARAH: Oh my god
KAYLA: Anyway please vote
SARAH: You know what just happened in Brazil? Bolsanora just fucking lost to Lula. Because people voted and that's why we vote, bitches.
KAYLA: I saw a large group of people with Brazilian flags out on the streets today, and I don't know what they were doing.
SARAH: That might be why
KAYLA: But that's what my guess was because we looked it up and there was not a football game. Which was our first guess.
SARAH: Soccer game?
KAYLA: It's football to them!
SARAH: But I was asking if you meant soccer
KAYLA: I did mean soccer
SARAH: I was just clarifying
(45:00)
SARAH: Because I don't think they have a large American football contingency in Brazil
KAYLA: you never know. Anyway, my juice is that I went to an indoor putt putt place today
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: And it wasn't just norma putt putt it was like electronic putt putt kind of where there was like bonus places you could get, like you could get extra points or like negative points. It was kind of like bowling almost the points were?
SARAH: Oh
KAYLA: I don't know how to explain it. It was fun
SARAH: Okay
KAYLA: Yep
SARAH: Well my beef is all of the things. My juice is I saw TikToks today about this guy who works in construction and he's been doing construction outside this neighborhood for a while now and someone stole one of their cones and painted Patrick from Spongebob on it
KAYLA: Oh
SARAH: And that person has now every day taken one cone and painted a new Spongebob character on them
KAYLA: That's very good
SARAH: And they both made TikToks about it so then they found each other and so then they have since taken a photo together
KAYLA: Aw
SARAH: And he will now leave them on her porch
(laughter)
KAYLA: That's so cute
SARAH: Because one night she had to run in the rain to get one. She didn't want to take any of the ones that had like reflectors on it.
KAYLA: Yeah
SARAH: She just wanted the regular ones. And so she had to run all the way down the street to get one that didn't have a reflector on it, and so the next day he put it on her porch
KAYLA: That's so nice
SARAH: And apparently his company, his bosses are loving it
KAYLA: I love that
SARAH: And now they just have a small army of spongebob themed
KAYLA: That's very exciting
SARAH: (laughing) traffic cones
KAYLA: You know what TikTok I saw that I think you would like?
SARAH: Mm
KAYLA: Is that for Halloween a Jewish frat dressed up as the Miami Boys
SARAH: Oh that's very good.
(singing)
KAYLA: Mhm
SARAH: Anyway, that's it. You can tell us about your beef, your juice, your microlabels, your macrolabels on our social media @soundsfakepod. You can also support us on Patreon. Patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you so desire. We have a new $2 patron. It is Alex Allen. Thank you thank you, you're the greatest.
KAYLA: Yay!
SARAH: Yay yay yeah. Our $5 patrons who we are promoting this week are Doug Rice, Edward Hayes-Holgate, Elizabeth Wheeler, Ellie, and Emily M. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Rosie Costello, who would like to promote voting in the upcoming – no. Did I say that last year?
(laughter)
KAYLA: Don't know
SARAH: I don't think I said that last week. Rosie Costello. Well either way we should promote this because it's timely. Who would like to promote voting in the upcoming midterm elections and in particular voting for individuals that support year-round lake swimming, Barefoot Backpacker who would like to promote their podcast, Travel Tales from Beyond the Brochure, SongOfStorm, who we forgot to message to ask what they wanted to promote until an hour ago, so we still don't know, so on their behalf I'm going to promote voting especially in down ballot races. Down ballot races are so important. Local elections, very important. The Steve who would like to promote Ecosia, a search engine for the trees which are now in a better place because Bolsanaro lost in Brazil, and Zirklteo who would like to promote England isn't real but you know what is real, that head of lettuce
KAYLA: Love
SARAH: That outlived... outlived Liz Truss
KAYLA: It really did
SARAH: Getting political here at the end. our other $10 patrons are Arcnes, Alyson, Ari K, Benjamin Ybarra, Cass, CinnamonToastPunch, David Jay, David Nurse, Derek and Carissa, Elle Bitter who is a new patron!
KAYLA: Yay
SARAH: And Elle would like to promote normalizing the use of tone indicators and Elle didn't tell me to add this but I would like to add /srs.
KAYLA: My favorite is – so in the patron chat on discord we were discussing this being Elle's promotion and people realized that in our discord, people use the indicator /no
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Which seems to not be an indicator anywhere else. We realized that I think it's just an us thing
(laughter)
SARAH: Good
KAYLA: So good job everyone
SARAH: It's honestly one of my favorites
KAYLA: it gets the point across
SARAH: You just say something and then you just slash no
KAYLA: Slash no. It makes perfect sense
SARAH: Amazing. So thank you Elle. And also tone indicators, they're nice. Also our other patrons $10 are my Aunt Jeannie, Maggie Capalbo, Martin Chiesl, Mattie, Potater, Purple Hayes. Our $15 patrons are Andrew Hillum who would like to promote the Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Click4Caroline who would like to promote Ace of Hearts, Dia Chappell who would like to promote Twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Hector Murillo who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Keziah Root who would like to promote people who come into your life just for a small time but right when you need them smiley face heart. I don't usually read the smiley face and the heart but you're getting this week. Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, Kayla's Aunt Nina who would like to promote katemaggartart.com and Sara Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere. Our $20 patrons are Sabrina Hauck who would like to promote Merry Christmas from your parents and it's Christmastime again
KAYLA: Almost that time
SARAH: No it is that time. (singing) Doo doo lee doo doo lee
KAYLA: That's fair Halloween is over. Mariah Carey is thawing
SARAH: And Dragonfly who would like to promote listening to Christmas music whenever the fuck you want. I think May is a really great time for listening to Christmas music unironically. Thanks for listening, tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows
(51:08)