Ep 176: Answering Questions for Couples
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SARAH: Hey what’s up hello. Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aroace girl (I’m Sarah. That’s me.)
KAYLA:… and a demi-straight girl (that’s me, Kayla)
SARAH: talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else that we just don’t understand.
KAYLA: On today’s episode: we’re dating.
ALL: — Sounds fake, but okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to the pod!
KAYLA: M’arshmallow.
SARAH: Oh, okay. Peepsi.
KAYLA: Trending on Twitter today, Thursday, March 25th was peepsi and I read it and I thought it said peepus and I was like, who stole my word and made it trending on Twitter? And then I saw that it was peepsi and that Pepsi is making a peep-flavored Pepsi and people are calling it peepsi.
SARAH: It’s disturbing, okay. Kayla do we have any housekeeping before we dive in?
KAYLA: Uhhh… exciting things coming. Later.
SARAH: Exciting things coming, how vague and cryptic.
KAYLA: Unsure when. It’s happening.
SARAH: Okay. Kayla what are we talking about this week that’s actually happening and we aren’t going mm... Maybe?
KAYLA: Maybe! This week we are me and Sarah are having a date night. I guess I’ll go back to the origins. I was talking to my therapist about how there is nothing fun to do with your partner that you live with when you live with them and you don’t go outside because there’s a pandemic and it gets very boring.
SARAH: Because there’s a parmesan.
KAYLA: Because we’re in a panini press. And so she was saying there are these card game type things you can get with questions on them and there’s conversation starters, you learn something new about your partner, whatever. I was like, that’s actually an interesting concept I don’t think that’s stupid at all. But, what is stupid is doing it with Sarah whom I am not dating.
SARAH: I don’t think it’s stupid.
KAYLA: I’m just saying, I feel like it’s a good idea for couples.
SARAH: So why is it not a good idea for friends?
KAYLA: Just because this list I’m looking at, a lot of the questions are not friends.
SARAH: Okay that’s fair. Continue.
KAYLA: I think asking questions is a good idea in any relationship if you feel like you’re not learning anything new about someone anymore or you’re running out of conversation topics. Or you want to get to know each other better. That I think is good for romantic and platonic relationships alike. However, this list is for people who are romantically and sexually together, which we are not.
SARAH: Yes, that’s true.
KAYLA: Anyway we are on lifehack.org and we are going to be reading and answering 100 questions to ask your partner on date night. So welcome everyone to me and Sarah’s date afternoon, because it’s the afternoon.
SARAH: It is.
KAYLA: Are you ready?
SARAH: I’m ready.
KAYLA: Sarah what is your favorite memory of dating me?
SARAH: Favorite memory of dating you. Given that we haven’t dated, I’m going to say my favorite memory of existing in a human space with you and I can’t think of one.
KAYLA: Wowww.
SARAH: I can’t think of anything we’ve ever done.
KAYLA: Do we need to go to relationship therapy do you think?
SARAH: One time we drove to Chicago and slept on the floor of your parents’ hotel room to see Hamilton.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And I drove your car the whole time because you didn’t want to drive it.
KAYLA: I don’t like driving. I do not like driving. I rarely drive my own car.
SARAH: We’ve been in Paris together. That was fun.
KAYLA: We have been in Paris that’s quite romantic. We’ve been in Rome together.
SARAH: I feel like we saw each other more in Paris though because I was actually staying with you guys.
KAYLA: That’s true. One time we went on a movie date but there was two movies we wanted to see, so we stayed in the theater for 5 hours and we saw Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and then Deadpool back to back.
(5:00)
SARAH: Was it Deadpool?
KAYLA: I’m pretty sure. Cause I think it was Valentine’s Day or Valentine’s weekend and that’s when Deadpool came out and it was a whole haha romantic movie and funny and that’s when they put it out.
SARAH: I was going to say I could have sworn we saw Deadpool with Evan but that was Deadpool 2.
KAYLA: I think it was Pride and Prejudice and Zombies and Deadpool. It was our romantic movie night.
SARAH: I don’t know that we were good enough friends with Evan yet to see Deadpool the first one with him.
KAYLA: I don’t think so.
SARAH: Wild.
KAYLA: Yup.
SARAH: What else have we done, Kayla? One time she gave me a cookie.
KAYLA: We made a musical together.
SARAH: That’s not a date.
KAYLA: I mean it kind of was a semester-long date if you really think about it.
SARAH: I feel like we spent so much time together it’s like, I don’t know, what counts as something we’ve done together, what counts as us existing in the same space.
KAYLA: Well yeah most of our time together was spent in our room or in our house, I don’t know that we had that many outings.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I’m sure we went to Chipotle many times together.
SARAH: Oh yeah. Certainly. What’s your favorite date that we’ve had?
KAYLA: Um, we really don’t do anything—well especially now we don’t do anything.
SARAH: So you gave me shit for not being able to come up with something.
KAYLA: Well I already said mine was the movies. I already said that.
SARAH: Okay fine.
KAYLA: Sarah, what is your favorite sexual memory of us?
SARAH: My favorite sexual memory of us is that we don’t have any.
KAYLA: That’s fair.
SARAH: How about you?
KAYLA: Probably the same, I think.
SARAH: Maybe it’s just the aro-ace in me but I cannot fathom genuinely asking the question of your partner and having a conversation about it.
KAYLA: Um, I don’t know.
SARAH: It seems like a lot and I just—
KAYLA: I think that might be the ace part of you because I do not think that’s very outlandish.
SARAH: I do.
KAYLA: I think it’d be outlandish if it maybe came out of nowhere while you were out at a Wendy’s together. But in the privacy of your own home I think that’s fine.
SARAH: Yeah maybe I’m just too ace for that.
KAYLA: Yeah I think it might be. Sarah, what food-
SARAH: Wait, you didn’t answer for me.
KAYLA: My favorite sexual memory of you?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I think it’s the same, that we don’t have one.
SARAH: Okay good.
KAYLA: What food reminds you of me?
SARAH: Spinach artichoke dip.
KAYLA: Oh that’s very fair. I do love a spinach artichoke dip. I think any food that is white reminds me of you. I think chicken, buttered noodles, roasted broccoli—
SARAH: That’s not white but okay.
KAYLA: I know but you made a lot of broccoli in our home.
SARAH: Okay, okay.
KAYLA: Cooked carrots. Green pepper. Green pepper reminds me of you because every time I get on a call-
SARAH: I didn’t even eat that in college.
KAYLA: I know but recently every time I get on the phone with you you’re like listen to me eat this green pepper and then you just chew really loudly in my ear.
SARAH: I don’t really love green peppers, they’re fine.
KAYLA: You fooled me.
SARAH: They’re fine but a bitch needs to eat vegetables and they’re a convenient vegetable to eat at the lunchtime, you know? They’re just fine, I don’t love them but here we are. Okay.
KAYLA: When was the last time you thought about me in a positive way?
SARAH: Does it-I don’t-
KAYLA: Neverrrr.
SARAH: I’ve thought about things that are adjacent to you cause I’ve thought about podcast things—
KAYLA: When she doesn’t think about you.
SARAH: I’m trying to think about, when have I last thought about Kayla’s lil face?
KAYLA: This is painful. And hurtful.
SARAH: Actually, I guess it’s positive.
KAYLA: Uh oh.
SARAH: No, I saw a thing it was BTS. They were like, “which one of these two roommates is more stylish?” and I was like, would I be able to answer that with me and Kayla and I was like, I think I’d just say Kayla, I don’t know.
(10:00)
KAYLA: I don’t know I feel like we have very different styles.
SARAH: We do have very different styles it’s part of the problem, it’s hard to compare. I was like, she recently acquired MC Hammer jeans so she’s gotta be more stylish than me.
KAYLA: They are very good jeans. I have recently started dressing so gay. It is bananas.
SARAH: Good. Do we really dress that different in the end?
KAYLA: Not anymore maybe. Recently I was getting dressed, me and Dean were going to the grocery store or something and he said something about when your girlfriend looks gay and I was like, yeah. And I was singing bi wife energy to him, have you heard this song?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: I think it’s something someone on TikTok made but it’s like, bi wife energy. It’s about bi wife energy. It’s a thing about, “well I’m a hetero guy but I try to be a good ally,” a whole song about bi wife energy. It’s very good.
SARAH: Okay, fun. Good.
KAYLA: I don’t know if this is so much thinking about you in a positive way or being reminded of you but I feel like every time I see a pimple popping video I just sometimes think, Sarah would really like this one. And then often times I scroll down to like it and I see that you’ve already liked it and I’m like.
SARAH: I’ve liked them all.
KAYLA: But every time I see pimple popping videos I’m just like, Sarah would like this.
SARAH: Should I be honored or offended? I’m not sure.
KAYLA: It’s not my fault that you like them.
SARAH: It’s not my fault that I like them either.
KAYLA: Even though it doesn’t make sense that you like them.
SARAH: Shh. There are some things that are out of our control Kayla. Including most of my brain.
KAYLA: I think that’s true.
SARAH: Mm-hmm I think that too. I have to live in it. I live in this stupid brain.
KAYLA: Sarah, what do you like most that I do in bed?
SARAH: Sleep.
KAYLA: I like when you’re in bed asleep and you go on your phone while you’re still asleep cause it’s funny to watch.
SARAH: Here’s the thing. I don’t know if I told you that cause there’s—
KAYLA: Cause there’s no one living with you.
SARAH: There’s no one who shares a room with me.
KAYLA: No one to watch you.
SARAH: So it’s really a mystery.
KAYLA: I don’t know what to do.
SARAH: You’re the one in charge of this podcast you can just move on.
KAYLA: I’m looking at questions.
SARAH: Can I tell you what my least favorite thing is that you do in bed?
KAYLA: I think I know it.
SARAH: This isn’t specific to bed but Kayla’s feet are always moving and it’s annoying sometimes.
KAYLA: I do the thing with your feet where you cricket your feet, you rub them together. But listen recently I found a lot of other people do that and it’s a self-soothing thing.
SARAH: No I know, it’s not like I don’t ever do that, it’s that you do it like 24/7.
KAYLA: Yeah but it’s unconscious. I don’t know how to help you. If I am laying, my feet have to be cricketing.
SARAH: It’s just, sometimes, we would be in the living room of our house in Ann Arbor and I’d be sitting in my chair, working on homework and I’d look over and her feet would just be moving and I’d be like, I can’t focus on my work.
KAYLA: Sometimes it’s like that with you when you’re tapping your feet though. Sometimes through the phone I’m like can you please stop I can hear you.
SARAH: That’s fair, I don’t pretend to be free of that myself because I am a knee bouncer.
KAYLA: I am currently bouncing my knee.
SARAH: Good for you.
KAYLA: I was bouncing my knee yesterday but it got out of rhythm, do you ever have that where it gets, it doesn’t feel like a knee bounce but you need to be bouncing your knee but it doesn’t feel right?
SARAH: If you’re bouncing both knees and you’re not bouncing at the same time or there’s just something wrong with your independent knee bounce?
KAYLA: Like yesterday I was bouncing one knee but it somehow got out of rhythm or it wasn’t moving right so it felt wrong. But I was like, I need to be bouncing my knee right now.
SARAH: Yeah I have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.
KAYLA: Okay! Next question. What do you think we need to work on the most in our relationship?
SARAH: Not being in a pandemic. I think, probably.
(15:00)
KAYLA: Yeah. I think that would probably do wonders for our relationship.
SARAH: Probably, would be helpful.
KAYLA: If we got to see each other more than once a year.
SARAH: Yeahh. I mean like, in general, I feel like all of my relationships could benefit from me being more communicative but I’m not? So too bad.
KAYLA: I’m the same way. I was thinking yesterday if left to my own devices, I don’t think I would talk to a single person because I never start texts with people, or start conversations, I’m very happy when people reach out to me. But for some reason, I never think to reach out to people? I don’t know what it is. My whole family is that way to be honest. I think if left on my own, I’d never talk to a single person in my life.
SARAH: I do, I do reach out to people. I’m never like, hey what’s up? I’m like, here’s a meme.
KAYLA: That’s not a bad way to start a conversation, though.
SARAH: Here is a specific thing that either reminds me of something that happened with us or it’s something I know that only you would understand or I have this hyperfixation and I’m going to tell you about it, whether you like it or not.
KAYLA: I feel like it’s a more natural way to start a conversation though than just to be like, hey haven’t talked in a while. That feels like there’s a lot of pressure on it.
SARAH: There’s a friend from college that I didn’t really know her until my senior year and after that. But, we reply to each other’s Instagram stories often. Today we had a long conversation about body image and also injuries.
KAYLA: Sure.
SARAH: And that shit happens cause we respond to each other’s stories. I have her phone number I could just text her and be like “hey what’s up,” but I never do. We always end up talking on Instagram and it’s like, that’s cool. I talk to her a lot more than I talk to the other people I went to college with just because we just happened to comment on each other’s shit.
KAYLA: I definitely have a couple of Twitter mutuals who we went to college with but I didn’t interact with much cause maybe I graduated when they were first joining orgs or whatever. But it’s definitely like, for a long time I didn’t really understand or relate when people talked about Twitter mutuals but now I’m like, yes. I have a few Twitter mutuals that I’m just like, yes.
SARAH: I have a Twitter and Instagram mutual from high school who I was friends with in high school, we were never super good friends, we knew each other from theatre but we still commented on each other’s stuff and I recently commented on one of his finsta posts and he was like, yeah you right. So, you know? Sometimes there are some people you can do that with and there are some people you can’t and there’s no reason why either way you know. Anyway, let’s move on. What’s the next thing?
KAYLA: Sarah, do you believe that I love you?
SARAH: Uh yeah.
KAYLA: That’s good.
SARAH: Do you believe that I love you?
KAYLA: I think so.
SARAH: Okay that’s good.
KAYLA: I’m glad we had that talk.
SARAH: It was weirdly difficult for me to ask that question.
KAYLA: That seems like something that you need to work on.
SARAH: Oh yeah that’s a me problem.
KAYLA: Sarah just doesn’t like expreshing her emotions.
SARAH: I am very very very very profoundly bad at verbally telling people I love them.
KAYLA: Yeah we don’t say it very often.
SARAH: I simply do not. Well, I don’t say it to my family.
KAYLA: Well you’re a heartless bitch so.
SARAH: I know. There’s a weird hurdle there that I cannot. If I do say it, it’s like in a joking way or it is via text.
KAYLA: It’s a more common for you to do an ily than it is to write out the complete words.
SARAH: Oh yeah. Sometimes you get a ily.
KAYLA: Whenever it happens I’m like, yeahh, I got one.
SARAH: I got one!
KAYLA: Caught it. Got it.
SARAH: This is a formal apology to my family. Sorry.
KAYLA: Sorry mom. It is funny though that as we’ve been writing our book, we are talking more about our relationship to each other through the book than we ever have together. And it is very interesting.
(20:00)
SARAH: Oh yes.
KAYLA: And it makes sense. It’s easier to not tell someone how you feel about them no matter what. That has been interesting.
SARAH: I’m like a profoundly sentimental person which is so annoying to me.
KAYLA: You are very sentimental and you are very emotional, just on the inside.
SARAH: Just on the inside. And I don’t like to express it. I have that in my little brain but I actually never say it to people.
KAYLA: Until you’re forced to write a book with them and then you have to.
SARAH: Oh shit.
KAYLA: That’s all this book has been. I arranged this book deal just to get you to tell me you love me.
SARAH: The mortifying ordeal of being known.
KAYLA: True. Sarah, as a child, did you trust both of your parents.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: I don’t know why this is a question.
SARAH: Did you trust both of your parents?
KAYLA: I did.
SARAH: I guess it’s to get into your childhood, but it’s an interesting question to ask to get into that.
KAYLA: So I’ve been skipping around but the two questions before this, number 19 when did you know you wanted to kiss me, 20, what’s your favorite non-sex activity that we do together, 21, as a child did you trust both of your parents? It’s not like they grouped the childhood trauma questions together.
SARAH: Yeah. They are just like, sex. But also, your parents.
KAYLA: I feel like they could have grouped them a little bit better. What’s another question? Do you have any dealbreakers, things that would seriously make you reconsider our relationship?
SARAH: Uh, if you were a Nazi.
KAYLA: Yeah I think if you were a racist that would get in the way of things.
SARAH: Or if you were like, I think homeless people should die.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Or if you were like, anything bigoted, I’d be like, bitch, not in my house. I guess if we were in a different type of relationship, we’d be like, if you want kids, I can’t. That’s not our relationship by any means. I’m not going to parent a child with you.
KAYLA: Are you sure?
SARAH: I’m pretty sure.
KAYLA: I don’t know why I was thinking about this recently but I was like, if Sarah and I ever live close to each other again and I have kids, is she going to babysit them or she’s going to have nothing to do with them?
SARAH: I will give you once a month for a limited amount of time.
KAYLA: Interesting.
SARAH: I don’t hate children.
KAYLA: I know. You have no problem being around children but if you’re the one watching them.
SARAH: If I’m the one in charge of them.
KAYLA: If you come over to my house I’m going to be like, okay kids, go upstairs. You can’t be seen when Aunt Sarah gets here, she doesn’t want to perceive you.
SARAH: You don’t exist.
KAYLA: I didn’t even tell her I had kids.
SARAH: I managed to hide an entire pregnancy from her.
KAYLA: I hid an entire pregnancy from my friend Sarah.
SARAH: Ahhh. Oh man. That would be wild.
KAYLA: That would be wild.
SARAH: Okay, continue.
KAYLA: What was the very first thing you thought about me?
SARAH: Well, okay. Let me set the scene. I’m in Birmingham, Michigan. I am with some of my friends from high school, we went out to eat or something and we were at an ice cream place. We were getting ice cream. I was sitting at the counter, eating my ice cream and I got a Facebook friend request. I was like, who are you?
KAYLA: Who are you, bitch?
SARAH: Who are you? And then I discovered I had an email and the person who friend requested me was in fact my roommate and I said, oh okay. So I accepted the friend request and I was like, I don’t know how to say her last name. That’s it.
KAYLA: What a riveting story.
(25:00)
SARAH: I mean I set the scene for you, what more could you ask?
KAYLA: I guess.
SARAH: I was eating ice cream.
KAYLA: I don’t remember what I first thought when I found you on Facebook or whatever. I remember when we moved in together I thought you were kind of shy which makes sense cause we had moved in together and you didn’t know me. And then after 2 days I was like, she weird.
SARAH: I honestly don’t remember what my impression of you were when we first met. I remember that my sister thought your sister was bossy which is a lot coming from my sister.
KAYLA: Interesting. Huh.
SARAH: I don’t know why I remember that. It’s not that my sister doesn’t like your sister. She was just like, wow. She’s a bossy lady.
KAYLA: Especially settings like that with my whole family I get annoyed with my parents so my sister knows that she needs to kind of help me through those situations by telling my parents when to back off and especially my dad and I bet that’s what that was.
SARAH: Yeah. I mean I remember us being like wow we really accidentally color-coordinated this whole room.
KAYLA: We really did, that’s true.
SARAH: I remember having an existential crisis in Target about rugs.
KAYLA: Yeah you did and you Facebook messaged me and I was like, haha so funny. And once I got to know you I was like no she probably have a full mental breakdown in Target.
SARAH: I was having a real crisis about rugs. Uh yeah that’s what I’ve got.
KAYLA: Let’s see.
SARAH: So I was just like, who dat bitch and you were like, she shy.
KAYLA: She shy. What’s another good question? When did you first think I was attractive?
SARAH: I don’t think of you as unattractive but I don’t think of your attractiveness.
KAYLA: You think I’m ugly.
SARAH: No that’s not true, we literally discussed 2 weeks ago that we’re only friends cause you’re cute. Isn’t that what we discussed with Chantel?
KAYLA: Probably. I don’t remember.
SARAH: I don’t think about that really. I don’t know. I’m just so used to your face I’m never like, wow, face or ugh, face. I’m just like face.
KAYLA: I guess that’s fair. I guess I don’t know when I thought you were attractive.
SARAH: Okay. Thanks.
KAYLA: Okay. Have you ever gotten really obsessed with a topic?
SARAH: Which one?
KAYLA: What’s the most scared you ever felt as a child?
SARAH: This was not the most scared but it was the most scarring thing that happened to me as a child which was I opened the door to a stranger and I wasn’t supposed to. No. You know what was more scarring than that? When I had to talk to the principal because I put mail in people’s mailboxes asking them to wear their hair up the next day. That was scarring.
KAYLA: That’s so stupid.
SARAH: That was so profoundly scarring.
KAYLA: How dare you.
SARAH: I didn’t put my name on it, therefore I was in trouble. How is this supposed to be a good psychological study if they know who it’s from? Needs to be anonymous.
KAYLA: Sarah you’re going to need to go back and explain this fully because I don’t think anyone other than me knows what you’re talking about.
SARAH: I think I have maybe talked about it on the pod once. When I was in 2nd grade, I was like, you know what would be interesting, if I wrote letters to all of the girls in my class telling them to just wear their hair up and I would like to see how many of them do it. And I said it was from ??? because I wanted to keep it anonymous because I felt that if I put my name on it, it would impact the study. And I remember sitting in a tree at my house the night before writing them and my sister and who was with us? I don’t know, maybe our neighbor? Were like, what are you doing? And I was like, don’t worry about it. And at school the next day I asked my teacher if I could stay in late during lunch to put something in the mailboxes and she said no, or something, I don’t remember exactly how they ended up in the mailboxes but at the end of the day, as everyone was getting their mail and everyone was like whooo is this? I thought I was playing it very cool but I think because I was playing it cool they were like yeah it’s definitely her.
KAYLA: Also they asked your teacher about it.
(30:00)
SARAH: This wasn’t even the teacher, this was the teacher, this was just the students. I remember name redacted but I do have the name at the tip of my tongue right now, he was like *whispers* I bet it’s Sarah.
KAYLA: Wow what a bitch.
SARAH: And the next day, I didn’t have to go to the principal’s office but I did have to talk to the principal about it. And she was like, you should have put your name on it. And I was like, *crying voice* I just wanted to see who’d do it.
KAYLA: That is very odd. That the reason they were mad is that you didn’t put your name on it.
SARAH: That is the reason they were mad.
KAYLA: Was it because it caused a ruckus in the class, like everyone talking about it?
SARAH: It was the end of the school day.
KAYLA: So stupid.
SARAH: I just wanted to know who would do it. And it scarred me. Anyway, I wasn’t a particularly scared child. There were things in gymnastics that I was scared of like skills but I was not a scaredy cat kid by any means.
KAYLA: The time I was most scared is, I don’t know how old I was. I wasn’t super young. Maybe I was like 6 or 7 or something, I don’t know. We were in Florida with some of our family friends, like in Myrtle beach and there was this maze and it was like a corn maze—
SARAH: Myrtle beach is not in Florida.
KAYLA: Oh you’re right.
SARAH: Myrtle beach is in South Carolina.
KAYLA: It was either in Myrtle Beach or in Florida, I don’t know. And so it was a corn maze, it was that size. But instead of corn, it was like wood. It was a mouse maze. At different points in the maze you had to find things with cheese. If you got to the end and you got the most things, I don’t know whatever. So you had to make your way out of the maze and you had to find these things. But it was a bunch of young children. Maybe the oldest was 13 or something. And so we got lost and had no idea where we were going. Our parents were standing on the side of the maze so they could kind of look in. And they were trying to help direct us and I got so freaked out that we were lost and so overwhelmed that I had a full meltdown.
SARAH: Even though you could see your parents?
KAYLA: Yeah because I don’t know.
SARAH: You were like I’m never going to be able to get there, I’m stuck here.
KAYLA: They were like telling us like oh go this way, do this, everyone was talking, it was very overwhelming. So I had a full meltdown so the guy had to come and unlock the walls to let us all out. I hate feeling scared, obviously, I hate feeling lost. When I’m driving I use Google Maps even if I’m going to the same place I’ve gone a million times and I think a lot of that does stem back to that.
SARAH: From that traumatic moment.
KAYLA: I think it does.
SARAH: Good, good, excellent. I’m glad we spent 10 minutes talking about our childhood trauma that was not traumatic in the scheme of things.
KAYLA: Yeah in the grand scheme of things. But listen, that’s the point of these questions. We have to get to know each other.
SARAH: Ohkay.
KAYLA: Let’s see. Hmm. What would you do with a million dollars?
SARAH: I would pay off all of my friends and family’s college debt. And then hopefully I would have some left over and I would save it to buy a house.
KAYLA: I would probably donate a lot of it. I’d probably give a lot to my parents to pay them back for paying for my college. I think I would redecorate my home because most of the furniture I have is from Facebook marketplace or other people and none of it matches. It makes me upset to look at.
SARAH: I got that sweet sweet cheap cheap Ikea furniture.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. I’m just like, a million dollars is simultaneously so much money but also, nothing.
KAYLA: You can’t do huge things with a million dollars. If you make big purchases it will go away very fast.
SARAH: Yeah. I could maybe buy a house in LA. Maybe. So. And then it’ll be gone. I would just pay off everyone’s date and pay for everyone’s school.
KAYLA: If you could go back in time what age would you be again.
SARAH: I feel like if you’re going to go back in time to be an age, you should go back in time. It’s not going to be like, yeah I’m going to be nineteen again. Yeah no. That was four years ago. I’m going to go back in time back in time. I feel like I joke about this being my physical peak of sixth grade but not just because it was my physical peak. It was before I hit puberty first of all, great. It was before I started getting injured in gymnastics and I was still really enjoying it and doing things and I was able to also dance at that point and I was not depressed yet. Didn’t have those mental health issues quite yet and I feel like when you’re that age, everything seemed important at the time but looking back at that time, I would just fucking chill. I would not be cute. It’s not like I would go back in time to be my cutest self but like, I feel like other things in my life at that point were good.
KAYLA: See I think I would go back to being 19 to be honest.
SARAH: Really? But then you’re going to go back to being 23 so soon.
KAYLA: Yeah I guess but I don’t know I did read this question as you go back and stay this way forever. I have very fond memories of the first two years of college and it feeling very almost like summer campy. Before the last couple of years, other than you need to do well in school there wasn’t much responsibility. You’re living in such close proximity with your friends. Looking back now I think I would make an effort to go out and do more. Looking back I regret not going through a crazy reckless phase of being stupid cause I’m a little too old to do things like that now. And I kind of regret not having a wild period in my life you know.
SARAH: Yeah that’s fair. I do feel like, thinking back on college as someone who’s fresh out of it but also sort of settled in adulthood, thinking back on it is painful sometimes because I’m like oh man it was so great. I get how people are like, oh back in my college days. I’m like, oh I get that now. There’s nothing like college in adulthood in terms of all of your friends are in the same place and you live together and you spend time together and you have no free time but also all the free time. When I think about, when I study abroad, I’m like can I ever go back to the city of Tubingen or will I just melt if I do?
KAYLA: Especially the first two years of college I do get painfully nostalgic about I think.
SARAH: Damn it.
KAYLA: I just very much regret, especially because of covid, I regret not being more outgoing and not being just stupid either?
SARAH: I don’t regret not being stupid because it would have stressed me out at the time.
KAYLA: Yeah. But we are all very different people. Let’s see, what is your most unique trait?
SARAH: I’m annoying but in a unique way.
KAYLA: I don’t know that that’s true.
SARAH: What is my most unique trait? I don’t think of myself as a manic pixie dream girl you know?
KAYLA: You don’t?
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: Shocking to me.
SARAH: Do you think of yourself as a manic pixie dream girl?
KAYLA: I think of you as a manic pixie dream girl?
SARAH: You think of me as a manic pixie dream girl?
KAYLA: Yeah, every time I think of you.
SARAH: Why?
KAYLA: For fun.
SARAH: For fun? You’re like, make her the completely unattainable aroace dream girl?
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: Is it because I’m slightly manic at times?
KAYLA: Yeah I think it’s more of the manic part that I think about than the pixie dream girl.
SARAH: Manic girl? I’m not like, I’m so unique and special.
KAYLA: I am not like other girls.
SARAH: I don’t think of myself that way. I am like other girls and that’s fine. It’s good. Girls are cool.
KAYLA: Yeah I don’t know that I have an answer for me for this either.
SARAH: What’s unique about me? I’ve broken my back so many times. I've fractured my back far more than any person should. That’s what makes me unique.
KAYLA: That’s true I guess. I have nothing. I don’t know. When you wake up in the middle of the night, what do you think about?
SARAH: I don’t wake up in the middle of the night.
KAYLA: Well aren’t you special. Maybe that’s your unique trait.
SARAH: No I’m very good at sleeping. I really am. Now that I’m a real adult and I’m not super tired all the time, like I’m tired for other reasons. In college I could fall asleep at any and all points of time cause I was so sleep deprived.
KAYLA: You’re almost too good at sleeping I think cause it’s very difficult to wake you up in the morning.
SARAH: Yeah. The other day, I did kind of have that experience where I woke up once or twice in the night on my own and I was like, what the fuck? This doesn’t happen. What is happening to me. It’s not I can immediately fall asleep now every time but I am still very good at sleeping. I don’t think of anything in the middle of the night cause I don’t wake up.
KAYLA: Well, aren’t you special. I think if I wake up in the night, usually I’m thinking about, I’m very warm because there’s a cat on top of me and that is what has woken me up is a cat being in my way. Because recently both cats have decided to sleep with us and usually it’s one by my head and one by my feet and it doesn’t really allow for much movement to be honest.
KAYLA: It’s a Kayla sandwich.
SARAH: The cats as bread. Do one more. What are your secret thoughts when you see me at the end of the day?
SARAH: I don’t see you at the end of the day.
KAYLA: But what are your secret thoughts?
SARAH: My secret thoughts are, here’s a list of things that I want to tell you. Here’s a list of things I’m going to talk to you about whether you like it or not.
KAYLA: Here’s a list of things I’m going to talk at you about.
SARAH: Yeah yeah yeah, specifically at you.
KAYLA: My secret thoughts are, please make me less stressed about this book.
SARAH: Wow you’re just dropping a large weight on my shoulder I guess.
KAYLA: My secret thoughts are I’m going to talk to Sarah and talking to her will make me less stressed about this book because I will realize I don’t need to be less stressed about it.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: No I was talking to my therapist about this the other day. When we have business meetings I feel less stressed like okay there isn’t actually much shit to do as you think there is. You’re just blowing things out of proportion.
SARAH: Okay that’s good. Okay. You’re welcome.
KAYLA: Thank you.
SARAH: Cool.
KAYLA: I love you.
SARAH: Hmm. We’re just going to stop there as well. I hope all of our listeners felt like they were on a date with both of us during this episode.
KAYLA: Yeah. You’re welcome everyone.
SARAH: It’s the only chance you’ll ever get with me. Kayla, what’s our poll for this week?
KAYLA: One of these weird questions. Should we ask people their secret thoughts about us? What are your secret thoughts about Kayla and Sarah?
SARAH: They must be secret. Good. Okay. Little concerned but also curious.
KAYLA: Everyone be nice.
SARAH: I bet a bunch of people are just going to compliment us. I can’t handle that.
KAYLA: I know the people that listen to this podcast are far too nice.
SARAH: Neither roast me nor compliment me, I want neutral things only.
KAYLA: What would that-give an example of a neutral thing. My secret thought about you is that you have a podcast I listen to?
SARAH: Yeah I think that’s a pretty good one.
KAYLA: That’s incredibly neutral.
SARAH: My secret thought about you is you are a human person.
KAYLA: That’s very much a secret.
SARAH: It’s a secret if they think about it.
KAYLA: Not if they tell us.
SARAH: Kayla what’s your beef and your juice this week?
KAYLA: My beef is that it’s been very rainy here for the past three days. It has rained like every day which, has been kind of nice cause it’s been a cooler and not like burning hot in my house and that's nice but also even though I don’t think I’ve stepped foot outside in the past few days my hair is still frizzy just because it can see the rain I think. It just knows. My juice is that I started watching America’s Next Top Model because I needed a new reality competition show. SARAH: Do you think I could be America's Next Top Model?
KAYLA: Honestly I really do because some of the girls on this show are not good.
SARAH: I was going to say, where are you going with this?
KAYLA: Some of them are just not good. And you are quite photogenic so I think you could be.
SARAH: Am I?
KAYLA: I think so.
SARAH: I really cannot be photographed from one side.
KAYLA: That could present an interesting issue for you as a model.
SARAH: It would.
KAYLA: I might have to take it back. Anyway.
SARAH: Some people will be like, this is my good side. No literally if you want me to look at the camera, I will be cross-eyed from this side.
KAYLA: I do constantly forget about your eyeball thing. I guess maybe that’s one of the first things I thought about you, why is her eye twitching.
SARAH: Amazing.
KAYLA: And then I learned. Anyway it’s definitely problematic cause there’s been 22 seasons.
SARAH: Are you starting at the beginning?
KAYLA: Yeah. The fashion is very—I’m watching season 3 right now and this one girl was like, “I love how Paris Hilton dresses, I love how she’s so fashionable.”
SARAH: Oh no.
KAYLA: Pinnacle of 2000s fashion. It’s very interesting to see how everyone dresses and the people that they claim to be plus-sized models are like, regular sized people. The most average sized person you’re seeing. This one judge Janet Dickinson or whatever is a supermodel from the 70s and she hates plus-sized models. There’s definitely a lot of problematic stuff. But it’s also very entertaining and not as bad as I was thinking cause Tyra Banks who produces the show and is the main judge.
SARAH: Tyra Mail.
KAYLA: Tyra Mail, yes! Tyra is much more tolerant than most of the judges about diverse looking people.
SARAH: Yeah probably because she’s not a white model.
KAYLA: That’s very true. Anyway. I love reality competition shows and I am enjoying it and I have 22 whole seasons to watch so I have so much content.
SARAH: Unlimited. Did you both beef and juice, I forgot already.
KAYLA: I did.
SARAH: Okay. My beef quickfire edition. Bogie drinking out of my toilet and eating my computer charger. Kayla lurking on our shared writing doc while I’m trying to write. The LAPD and my knees.
KAYLA: I would like to say that I am never lurking on our shared doc. It just happens to be an open tab that stays open on my computer.
SARAH: And I see her lil face in the corner.
KAYLA: I’m never looking when you’re lurking.
SARAH: Objectively I know there’s a 99.9999% chance that you’re not looking. But that 0.00001% chance is debilitating. I cannot write with people watching me. It’s kind of how I freak out when people are watching me over my shoulder on my computer screen. It doesn’t matter what I’m doing. It doesn’t matter how incredibly harmless it is. I will close my computer because I don’t like it. It’s simply paralyzing to have someone else on the doc while I write it. Do not watch my process.
KAYLA: The other day I was on virtual therapy and my computer was open and the thing was open on a different tab and Sarah kept texting me but I wasn’t getting the texts cause I was in therapy. And I looked afterwards and she had texted me a million times, written all over the doc for me to go away, and you were like, yeah I ended up just leaving the doc cause I was too stressed.
SARAH: Yeah literally I stopped cause I was like, I cannot do this.
KAYLA: Even though I wasn’t texting you back and if I had been on the doc I would have texted you back.
SARAH: I know but it was just your little face in the corner and I was like, I cannot do this.
KAYLA: Writing together has been going very well from the things you know from this episode.
SARAH: My juice is that so many of my friends in Michigan and my family are getting vaccinated. And my beef was going to be that I’m not getting vaccinated but today it was announced that as of April 15th, I will be eligible for a vaccine in LA county. So I will be refreshing that page as soon as the appointments are available.
KAYLA: Yeah you’re really going to have to be all over those pages.
SARAH: I already am, don’t worry. They said there should be dates next week for the appointments once they get their shipment in and they know exactly how much they have.
KAYLA: I’m getting my second shot next weekend and I already have plans to go home in May, for my mom to come visit in April cause she’s vaccinated and for my parents to come back and visit again in May. We all got vaccinated and right away everyone was like time to go, so I have 20 weddings and 15 trips I’m going on.
SARAH: Assuming I’m fully vaxxed, I’m definitely going to come home for the 4th of July because it’s a thing in my family and also because my cousin is getting married on the 4th of July.
KAYLA: Ohh.
SARAH: It’s a small wedding.
KAYLA: I might come to live with you for 2 weeks.
SARAH: Okay. You can tell us your beef, your juice, your secret thoughts about us on our social media. @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod. We have a new $2 patron who is actually a 2 pound patron, it’s Esther, thank you. You’re so kind and lovely. Oh wait it wasn’t 2 pounds, it was 2 euros.
KAYLA: Even better.
SARAH: Even better. If it was pounds, I’m sorry. Our $5 patrons are Jennifer Smart, Asritha Vinnakota, Austin Le, Perry Fiero, Dee, Quinn Pollock, Emily Collins, Bookmarvel, Simona Sajmon, Jamie Jack, Jessica Shea, Ria Faustino, Daniel Walker, Livvy, Madeline Askew, Lily, James, Corinne, AliceIsInSpace, Skye Simpson, Brooke Siegel, Ashley W, Savannah Cozart, Harry Haston-Dougan, SOUP, Amanda Kyker, Vishakh, Jacob Weber, Rory, Amberle Istar, Rachel, Kate Costello, who is scheduled to get a vaccine on her birthday, my other cousin also got a vaccine on her birthday, very exciting.
KAYLA: Well, you need to get ready for your birthday.
SARAH: My birthday’s in October I don’t want to wait that long.
KAYLA: Guess you’ll have to wait.
SARAH: John, Ariel Laxo, Ellie, Tessa, MattiousT, Chris Lauretano, Sam, Kelly, Scott Ainsli, Orla Nieve Eisley, Julianne, Lost In Space, Colleen Walsh, and Mattie, my $10 patrons, they’re mine. My $10 patrons are Arcnes who would like to promote the Trevor Project, Benjamin Ybarra who would like to promote me playing D&D, anonymous who would like to promote Halloween, Sarah McCoy who would like to promote Podcast From Planet Weird, my Aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher’s Haven and also the fact that she also got vaccinated on my cousin’s birthday, Sam who would like to promote the best of luck—where the hell did Sam come from it says Cass.
KAYLA: Are you okay?
SARAH: No. Where the fuck did Sam come from? Where the hell did I get Sam from?
KAYLA: I think you just had a stroke.
SARAH: Cass who would like to promote the best of luck on the journey of self-identification, Doug Rice who would like to promote "Native" by Kaitlin Curtice, H. Valdis, Purple Chickadee, who would like to promote using they as a gender neutral singular pronoun, Barefoot Backpacker who would like to promote Reclaim the Night, The Steve who would like to promote Ecosia, Ari K. who would like to promote Thought Slime, Mattie who would like to promote The Union Series by T.H. Hernandez, Derek and Carissa who would like to promote the the overthrow of heteronormativity, Aaron like to promote free forehead kisses, Khadir who would like to promote Gnocchi Feta Fettuccine as a wonderful name for any cat, Potater who would like to promote potatoes, ChangelingMX who would like to promote starshipchangeling.net, and Sarah Kujawa who would like to promote her dogs’ Aviat and Stevie’s Instagram @aviatthehusky and David Jay who would like to promote the book “Emergent Strategy” by Adrienne Maree Brown. Our $15 patrons are Nathaniel White - NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, my mom Julie who is vaccinated and would like to promote Free Mom Hugs, Sara Jones who is @eternalloli everywhere, Andy A who would like to promote being in unions and IWW, Martin Chiesel who would like to promote his podcast, Everyone’s Special and No One is, Leila, who would like to promote love is love also applying to aro people, Shrubbery who would like to promote the Planet Earth, Dia Chappell who would like to promote twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Sherronda J Brown, we are promoting her, Maggie Capalbo who is promoting their dogs Leia & Minnie, Andrew Hillum would like to promote The Invisible Spectrum podcast, and Dragonfly who would like to promote getting vaccinated as soon as you are eligible.
KAYLA: I am incredibly stressed by what just happened.
SARAH: Okay. Thanks for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: Until then, take good care of your cows.