Ep 301: Am I The Asshole pt. 10 (Tiny Man Edition)
Content Notice: financial abuse, descriptions of sex, sexual abuse, grooming
[00:00:00]
SARAH: Hey, what's up? Hello! Welcome to Sounds Fake But Okay, a podcast where an aro-ace girl, I'm Sarah, that's me.
KAYLA: And a bi demisexual girl, that's me, Kayla.
SARAH: Talk about all things to do with love, relationships, sexuality, and pretty much anything else we just don't understand.
KAYLA: On today's episode, do you guys think I'm an asshole?
SARAH: A little.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: Not really.
KAYLA: Thanks.
BOTH: Sounds Fake but Okay.
SARAH: Welcome back to this Am I the Asshole themed podcast.
KAYLA: [singing Sandstorm]
SARAH: For a second, I thought you were making up a theme song off the top of your head.
KAYLA: Now wouldn't that be fun? But no.
SARAH: No, it's just, are you ready for this?
KAYLA: Yeah. On this, our 301th episode, we bring you, what is this, the ninth one of these?
SARAH: 600th.
KAYLA: 600th?
SARAH: We've done two for every episode of the pod.
KAYLA: Now wouldn't that…
SARAH: As a matter of fact.
KAYLA: Just be. This might be nine or ten. Is this the ten?
SARAH: I don't know. You're the one that names these things.
KAYLA: Yeah, but you uploaded the last one, I think, so shouldn't you remember?
SARAH: No, I don't remember anything. I don't know anything.
KAYLA: Now I have to look. I think we should start sharing fun facts on this podcast. What do you think about that?
SARAH: Like what?
KAYLA: Oh, this is the tenth.
SARAH: Wow.
KAYLA: I have a couple fun facts. One fun fact is that the organist for the St. Louis Blues, their hockey team, is the same organist who does their baseball team. What a busy guy. My other fun fact, and this is an important one, is that if you are ever stuck in an avalanche and you get covered in snow and you're all discombobulated, you should spit. And whichever way your spit goes, that's down. So don't do that. Go up.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Probably.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: Those are my facts.
SARAH: Okay. I'm sorry, I didn't come prepared with facts.
KAYLA: It's okay.
SARAH: My facts are that I had to pay $5.25 at the cheap place for gas today.
KAYLA: That sucks so bad. That sucks so bad.
SARAH: That's, I mean, it's a beef, but it's also a fact.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: My other fact is...
KAYLA: She's just looking around her room.
SARAH: We had a new Thai place for lunch, and I'm always wary of new places, especially if they are Asian food, because I have little experience with Asian food and so, and my palate is, you know, but I actually really liked this place and I would get it again.
KAYLA: What did you get?
SARAH: I got garlic, green bean, pork, rice.
KAYLA: Hmm. Okay.
SARAH: Anyway, do we have any housekeeping? No. Kayla, what are we talking about this week?
KAYLA: This week, it's our 10th inaugural Am I the Asshole? But at this point...
SARAH: And we knew that all along.
KAYLA: Yeah, we knew that. Except they're maybe not even Am I the Assholes? They're just some Reddit shit.
SARAH: They're just stuff that I find and save on my phone.
KAYLA: Yeah. And that we do when we have nothing else good to talk about.
SARAH: Exactly. Let's dive in. Um, you know, Kayla, here's what I'm going to do. I'm going to number these.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: Oh, that… Give me a number between one and 15.
KAYLA: Wow, you have a lot in there.
SARAH: I don't know if it's 15.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: That's my guess.
KAYLA: I'll say eight.
SARAH: Eight. One, two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight.
KAYLA: She has so many in the barrel.
SARAH: Okay, this one is a video. So let me see if I can find the original post. According to Google, I've clicked on this before.
KAYLA: Oh, okay. Well.
SARAH: So, have we done it before?
KAYLA: I won't know until you tell me what it is.
SARAH: Am I the Asshole for asking my boyfriend to skip his afternoon nap? Have we done that? Maybe we have.
KAYLA: That doesn't sound familiar.
SARAH: Sounds Fake But Okay, boyfriend afternoon nap.
KAYLA: Oh my God. What?
SARAH: Am I the Asshole? No, it's not showing up.
KAYLA: That doesn't sound familiar to me.
SARAH: I'm just confused about why I would have clicked on it before.
KAYLA: That's a great question.
SARAH: Why was it purple? Anyway.
KAYLA: We were in there.
SARAH: Am I the Asshole for asking my boyfriend to skip his afternoon nap? I'm 26F. He's 30M. We've been dating for three years, but just moved in together six months ago. I felt crazy busy since moving in together. I work outside of the house, commute for an hour a day and I'm going to school part-time to try and get a better job. So, my schedule is already packed but since moving in together it feels like my time spent doing chores has almost doubled. I talked to my boyfriend about this hoping we could come up with a reasonable chore schedule but he's adamant that he's doing as much as he has the capacity to do. Something else I've noticed since moving in together is that he takes a nap from 4pm to 8pm daily.
KAYLA: What?
SARAH: He otherwise sleeps through the night, usually 1AM to 10AM, but that afternoon nap is like clockwork.
KAYLA: 1AM to 10AM? What is he doing for work?
SARAH: Long story short, I told him that he is getting 14 to 15 hours of sleep every day, and that he can start making more time to help run the house by even shortening that nap. I don't even think that amount of sleep is healthy, but he insists it's a necessary part of his day and that I'm crossing a boundary by suggesting that he not nap. Am I the Asshole?
KAYLA: No. That's so wild.
SARAH: Did we maybe talk about this before? Because I for some reason remember saying, like, when did you… when you first started dating, when did you go on dates? Because if he sleeps from 4 to 8PM.
KAYLA: I really don't remember any of this, so if we've talked about this before, I don't remember any of it. This is new and wild to me.
SARAH: That's all.
KAYLA: Um, 4 to 8? How do you, like, take a nap that long and then you still go to bed?
SARAH: I don't know. I don't know, man.
KAYLA: Because then you get 4 hours later, he's...
SARAH: I mean, I'm good at sleeping, I could do it. But the normal person...
KAYLA: I mean, it makes me wonder, like, if there's, like, some health.
SARAH: Is there something wrong?
KAYLA: Like, if we should take him to a doctor, like, because I get that, like, you know, sometimes you need that much sleep, you know, like, you're exhausted, but every day getting 14 hours of sleep is just, like...
SARAH: Too much.
KAYLA: Wow
SARAH: Alright, we're going to, we're going to blow past it since I'm not sure if we've done it before. Give me a number between 1 and 13.
KAYLA: Um, 10.
SARAH: 10. This is one of those just, like, Reddit stories.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And am I the asshole?
KAYLA: I'm sure we'll find an asshole in there somewhere, I'm sure.
SARAH: I wouldn't have saved it otherwise.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Alright. My brother skipped his own wedding reception. My brother got married yesterday, but him and his wife skipped their own reception.
KAYLA: Wow
SARAH: No one even knew they were going to do it except for one of their friends, so it was a complete surprise and really embarrassing, to be honest. At first, no one knew. They decided to get married locally, which was nice, because I'm sure most of you would agree that having to travel somewhere else for a wedding is a pain. This is what was supposed to happen. After the wedding, my brother and his wife were supposed to be introduced into everyone in the reception hall. The guests would chat and drink for an hour before food was served. During that time, all the photos would be taken. After that hour was up and the photos were done, the food would get served and the reception would start. What actually happened, their friend who was supposed to introduce them instead told everyone that my brother and his wife had left for their honeymoon and thanked everyone for attending, and then the food started getting served right away. The photographer had been sent home, apparently my brother and his wife did their photos before the ceremony, and took some with the few people who did know they were skipping their reception, some of their friends and his wife's dad and his wife. But no one else, including anyone from my family. Obviously, we were embarrassed. My parents were angry and they talked to the friend because my brother and his wife weren't answering. Their honeymoon was supposed to be in a few months. Apparently, they cancelled it two weeks ago and switched to a different honeymoon. They were already on their way to Bristol for the airport and had left their mobile phones with their friend. He had them when my parents talked to him.
KAYLA: That's so wild.
SARAH: Apparently, the whole reason for this is that my other brother's girlfriend is pregnant and they were going to announce it and that they wanted to get married at the reception. Only my parents had known, I didn't even know. I don't know how my brother who was getting married found out. Someone, I don't know who, told my aunt and uncle about it and they started spreading it around to the other guests, which upset my parents and my brother and his girlfriend. I know my brother and his wife don't want to be parents themselves, but this seems extreme over a pregnancy. Further, I don't understand why they would skip something that they paid for like this. What I want to get off my chest, we are embarrassed, especially my parents and lots of people who were upset, especially my brother and his girlfriend, the ones who were pregnant and were going to announce their engagement. There was lots of drama for nothing. It has been only one day, but the fallout is bigger. I don't understand why my brother and his wife would do all this. I honestly don't.
KAYLA: Okay, so let me clarify. Her other brother and his girlfriend, she's pregnant and they're engaged. They're not, and they wanted to get married at the reception or just announce?
SARAH: They want to announce their engagement and their pregnancy at the reception.
KAYLA: At the reception. But they didn't tell…
SARAH: No
KAYLA: The couple getting married there
SARAH: They didn't tell the couple getting married. They didn't ask the couple getting married.
KAYLA: Okay. That is fucked up. You need to ask to do that at someone else's big event. You can't just, you know, you need to ask a person.
SARAH: Yeah
[00:10:00]
KAYLA: But like wedding receptions… So, I was just talking to someone, some of our friends that are getting married. I was just talking to them not, not an hour ago about the expense of their wedding. And it is monstrously expensive.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: So, to skip that and still pay for it all is absolutely wild to me.
SARAH: Yeah. That's the one thing, because like a lot of people in their replies are just being like, honestly good for them, because why the fuck would you announce your pregnancy and your whatever at someone else's reception without asking first. And like, at least they took control of the situation.
KAYLA: I guess.
SARAH: But also, I'm just like, the point of a wedding is to like celebrate with the people you love. And yes, those people still got to like eat and whatever and have fun, but like you didn't get to celebrate with them. So, on one hand, I'm like, fuck yeah, leave.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: But on the other hand, I'm like, that does kind of suck for you. Like they couldn't have just been like, “Hey, I heard you're going to do this. Don't.”
KAYLA: Don't. Yeah.
SARAH: Or, or maybe they did. And they said, no, we're going to. And that informed their decision. I don't know, because this person doesn't seem to know anything.
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, I guess, yeah, the person writing doesn't seem to, because like she didn't even know that that was going to happen. But yeah, I mean, yeah, I agree with you on one hand. I get it. Like planning a wedding is so stressful and like dealing with family and all the fallout that seems to always happen with a wedding. Like that's a lot. So, I kind of… I do understand from a certain angle being like, I'm just going to wash my hands of this and like, it's over. Like, I don't want to deal with this. We're just going to go. But like the reception is the most expensive part of the wedding. Like the actual ceremony getting married part is like, from what I understand, really not that expensive in the grand scheme of things.
SARAH: You know what? If that's what this couple wanted, if this couple was like, “fuck it, I don't care about their reception,” then good for them.
KAYLA: You know? Yeah.
SARAH: There's a comment that says my older sister announced her divorce at my eighth-grade graduation party.
KAYLA: What? That sucks
SARAH: Knowing they'd have the guests as a buffer for my mother's reaction. And I have never forgotten what that felt like. Not the same at all, of course, but I say good on the new married couple for noping out.
KAYLA: Okay. That fucking sucks. That sucks. Yeah. I mean, I completely understand them being upset about that. Like you need to… Like knowing that they were just going to do it without asking like that does, that sucks. But also, I do wonder if they confronted them because it feels weird to me to go straight from learning that to just not going without like at least asking them like, “Hey man, I heard you were going to do this weird thing.”
SARAH: My guess is there was a confrontation that OP is not aware of.
KAYLA: Yeah, that would make more sense.
SARAH: I like this other comment that says, “the best part about this that they sent the photographer home. Absolutely masterful. The floor is yours. Enjoy that iPhone documentation.”
KAYLA: That's good. Also, wild that… because that means they took pictures with the bride's family, but not the grooms because they were the ones causing problems.
SARAH: Which also leads me to believe that there was some sort of confrontation.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Because the groom's parents took the side of the brother.
KAYLA: The brother. Yeah. True
SARAH: So, that leads me to believe that there's a reason that they, you know, didn't want to take pictures with any of that side of the family.
KAYLA: Good point. Wow. That was the tea.
SARAH: Give me a number between one and 12.
KAYLA: Two.
SARAH: Two? This one I labeled horrible men.
KAYLA: Well, I mean
SARAH: Ah, okay. This is a long one. So, this is actually two different stories.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: That are related in that it was the straw that broke the camel's back about people's relationships and like realizing that they had to end it.
KAYLA: Okay, so was this like a prompt of like tell me about a story where…
SARAH: It was a Reddit post that got posted, cross-posted on Twitter, and then someone quoted it with their similar experience.
KAYLA: Okay, I see.
SARAH: So, I'm going to give you both.
KAYLA: Okay. Thank you so much.
SARAH: The first one from Reddit: I'm ending a five-year relationship over a donut.
KAYLA: Slay
SARAH: I, 34F, am ending things with my boyfriend, 35M, after he ate my donut. A little over two years ago, my boyfriend and I were both laid off from our jobs. We both work in tech and the market has been rocky, but somehow, I was able to bag another job within a few weeks. He never did. He never even applied. He said he wanted to transition into a new career. He explained because of how the industry was suffering, he thought his title would have fewer and fewer openings, and it wasn't a safe bet for him long term. I make decent money and told him I would support him while he transitioned to something more sound because I thought that was a wise investment for both of us going forward. Our relationship was strong and he was the kindest, most gentle, sweetest man I'd ever met, and I was confident this was an investment in us and our future. I assumed changing paths meant he would take a couple months to apply to roles adjacent to but not the same as his last one, or maybe upskill with classes that would make him more competitive, but that never happened. For two years he has either done absolutely nothing but play video games all day long while I foot the bill, or dabbles in even less stable self-employed career paths. YouTuber, TikTok influencer, Twitch streamer, digital marketer. I stress dabbled because he never once took them seriously. He never checked analytics, planned upload schedules, and gave anything but the bare minimum effort to content. Nothing. He has never gotten more than a couple hundred views on anything. I have sacrificed things I want and need time and time again to get him supplies and subscriptions for his ventures. He will swear he needs it to succeed and then he'll be able to contribute to the bills. A new microphone here, a new graphics card there, lighting, a camera. Meanwhile, it's coming out of vacation funds I could save, investments, furniture we need, or add to a down payment for a house. I've given up luxuries I love and could afford, like getting my nails and hair done, to make sure our rent and bills are paid. I would even be okay with this if he contributed in other ways, like cleaning or cooking or taking the mental load of running our house, but he doesn't. I do everything. He never plans dates. I plan my own birthdays. If he orders food, he'll consistently forget about me and order for himself.
KAYLA: What? What?
SARAH: He'll break my stuff, accidentally, like dropping a dish or getting my headphones wet, and then not understand why I'm upset when he says, “well, we can just replace it.” We have had countless fights where I tell him how used I feel and how financially abused I feel. I tell him he needs to get a job because I can't do this anymore, he will beg for forgiveness, really try for two weeks, and then do nothing again. Two days ago, I ordered us an Uber Eats for breakfast as a treat. I gave him my phone to order whatever he wanted, and when he was done, I ordered mine. All I wanted was a plain donut as a treat and a coffee. He ordered a full breakfast, a muffin, and an extra set of hash browns. When it arrived, I was on a quick work call.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: When I got off the call, he had already finished. I asked him where my donut was, and he said he had eaten it.
KAYLA: Oh, I would have fucking killed him
SARAH: He had eaten his whole two eggs, bacon, toast, pancake meal, a muffin, hash browns, and my donut. He said he never saw me order donuts before, so he assumed it must have been for him. He didn't wait to ask. He didn't even stop to question where my food might have been. He saw that there was no other food in the bag and still thought of only himself and ate it. I broke down into tears. It finally hit me. That one action made me realize how little care and respect he has for me, how selfish he actually is, and how big of an idiot I am. Now I'm sitting here wondering how to separate myself from someone completely dependent on me.
KAYLA: What a fucking asshole.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: What the fuck.
SARAH: Yep. The fact that she suggested that they order breakfast as a treat, and then it arrived, and he assumed all of it was for him.
KAYLA: Yeah, like, an ounce of common sense. Like, why would she… she's like, let's get breakfast, and then she wouldn't have ordered herself food. And you're telling me not once in a five-year relationship you've seen her eat a donut? That cannot be true.
SARAH: Also, she said it was as a treat. Come on! Alright, so then this person…
KAYLA: I just can't.
SARAH: Yep. So, this is another person on Twitter who saw this post and responded with her own personal experience: I divorced my first husband because of socks
KAYLA: Great
SARAH: A similar story to this, very similar but it was me coming home from a work trip to LA, exhausted, rolling in my suitcase in the front door, thinking about how I needed to run a load of laundry for work early the next morning, but I wanted to shower and which one I should do first. I walk in and I see that there is fucking socks all over the house. So, he had been taking his socks off all week and then leaving them where he sat
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: Playing video games on the couch while I was working to pay all of the bills. I still carry that vision of the living room, the front door threshold, the suitcase and those fucking socks. There were dishes piled high, the dog’s water was disgusting, mail all over the table, plants needed water, et cetera. But it was those motherfucking socks that ended it for me. We had moved from Oregon to the East Coast and planned to open up a drive through coffee booth with seed money his parents gave. I got a job immediately and rose like the Leo MC demands of me to top management within a year. I had a good job, so we took the money and bought a pottery wheel that he… And then went to real estate school then took some coding classes. He earned zero dollars and he obsessively monitored our spending through QuickBooks, he would make me sit down and explain all of my purchases. Why did you go to Izzy's coffee when we have coffee here? Why did you get $40 cash out at the grocery store? What did you buy at Goodwill? We don't need any more junk. He was 10 years older than me and I was conditioned to defer to him, to men, to older people, et cetera, hashtag church kid. But this is what started to wake me up. I would take cash out because I didn't want to have to explain my purchases, and it was my money, and when I would bring up that I should be allowed to spend that money I earn, he would revert back to, “I know, I'm trying to figure things out, don't badger me.”
KAYLA: Good lord.
SARAH: I returned from LA in March, we began “therapy.” His dad was our therapist.
KAYLA: No way.
SARAH: And I began to quietly pack my things. Six months later, I moved out. It was a lot of things, but the socks were the symbol. Good riddance.
[00:20:00]
KAYLA: What? Not the dad being the therapist, brother.
SARAH: That's just the cherry on the top of this whole thing.
KAYLA: I mean, that's just… I mean that is also like malpractice, no?
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like, you can't, that's not real therapy. You can't do that. That's nothing. Brother.
SARAH: No
KAYLA: His mom is probably a boy mom. That gives me boy mom vibes. My son could never. Not my son.
SARAH: And like the age difference too is like, look, you can have an age difference like that and have it be okay, as long as you don't get together when you're too young.
KAYLA: Yes
SARAH: But it also can lead to some generational differences.
KAYLA: That and like she was talking about being taught to like defer to like the husband and defer to older people they know best like that can definitely, if the relationship dynamic is already like tending towards abuse like in this case like financial abuse, then like that's only going to exacerbate that.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Oi.
SARAH: One through what, 11?
KAYLA: Seven.
SARAH: This one I've labeled, men are so fragile.
KAYLA: Okay, so this episode I feel is a man hating episode.
SARAH: Man hating episode. And that was by Kayla's choice because she was giving me the numbers.
KAYLA: Me making a man hating choice? There's no way.
SARAH: No way. All right, am I the asshole for pointing out to my boyfriend that I make more money than him?
KAYLA: Wow, a big financial episode as well.
SARAH: That's always what they're pissed about.
KAYLA: I guess
SARAH: My (F 26) boyfriend (M 28) are on the same page about getting married and having kids later next year
KAYLA: First of all, why are you dating a man two years younger than you?
SARAH: Older.
KAYLA: She's 28.
SARAH: She's 26, he's 28.
KAYLA: Never mind, continue.
SARAH: I'm sorry, you're dating someone one year younger than you.
KAYLA: As someone who has also dated someone two years younger than me, there's a significant difference.
SARAH: We all knew that was a bad idea, Kayla.
KAYLA: And no one told me. And no one had the decency to tell me.
SARAH: But we constantly were like, “Oh, he's a younger man. He's a freshman.”
KAYLA: Yeah, but no one was just like, “Hey, man, what are we doing?”
SARAH: I mean, I certainly wasn't going to do it.
KAYLA: I know you weren't. Of course, you weren't.
SARAH: Anyway, my (F 26) boyfriend (M 28) are on the same page about getting married and having kids later next year. Also, in the same year, you're going to do that?
KAYLA: I mean, I know people that have done it, but it does not seem advisable to me.
SARAH: Wouldn't be my plan for a lot of reasons.
KAYLA: Well
SARAH: But recently, he always jokes around about me only wanting to marry him to take his half of the assets when we divorce, et cetera, et cetera. Two of his close friends went through all of that and I understand where his concerns were coming from. I always explained to him calmly that I don't get married to get divorced or sometimes I just laugh at him. I love him to bits and I let him know that I don't want this issue to become a bigger problem someday. I even suggest prenups, but he doesn't believe in prenups. He said I could still get more money, especially if we have children together. Today he did it again and that was the last straw. I immediately snapped at him by saying, “Well, if that's the case, it should be me who should be worried about since I make three times more than you.”
KAYLA: Oh, three times?
SARAH: He just went quiet and he went outside. I sat down thinking maybe I was a bit harsh on him. Was it an offensive thing to say to a man? Am I the asshole?
KAYLA: No, I mean, like, it's funny. That's funny.
SARAH: All that replies, “Bro got salary mocked and couldn't take it.” “Homie is literally a little bitch to complain about that when his queen is the one bringing home the bacon.” “Sad little man.” “Skill issue.”
KAYLA: Sad little man. Yeah, I mean, it sounds like this guy has, like, some stuff he's working through. Like, if he brings this up that often, it's clearly something he's having, like, thoughts about and needs to work through.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Sad little man.
SARAH: Also, like, how would he not know that?
KAYLA: I mean, he has to know.
SARAH: He has to know that. And then also, like, if you're going to make a joke about that, it has to be, like, a self-aware joke where it's like, “Oh, haha, I'm marrying you…” Like, “you're only marrying me for the money.” But, like, the joke is that they have way more money than you.
KAYLA: Yes. Well, also, the thing of like, “a prenup wouldn't even work because if we have kids, you would get more money out of me” supposes that, like, the custody battle is going to like, not go well and that he will need to be paying child support.
SARAH: Right.
KAYLA: Which is like, why is that something you would suppose about yourself? Like, wouldn't you want to give yourself the benefit of the doubt and be like, it'll be an amicable divorce and we'll have shared custody and it'll be fine.
SARAH: Yeah
KAYLA: Like, why would you say that about yourself?
SARAH: This person says, my T&E professor, who was a Catholic priest, told us that he would not marry a couple without a prenup, not because they ever should divorce, but because to do a prenup, you need to disclose all your assets, income, and debts. He saw engaged couples break up over that.
KAYLA: That's actually a really good point. We were… again, this married or this engaged couple I was talking to earlier, they had to like meet with a rabbi a couple times in the lead up to the ceremony or whatever. And he, I guess, like, made a mention of, like, some resources you could use to, like, get your finances together. And then when they went to town hall, they were also given a pamphlet of like some literature about how to deal with your finances. And they were both like, it's so wild to think that there are people who don't discuss this before getting married that, like, these people are being like, “are you sure?”
SARAH: Well, because you used to not have to because, you know, in a hetero relationship, the woman had no money.
KAYLA: I mean, yeah, and she couldn't open a credit card. Yeah, no, that's very true. That is very true.
SARAH: Not this comment saying, “dude is 28 and has two divorced friends.”
KAYLA: Okay, I won't lie. I did think about that.
SARAH: Are they older?
KAYLA: That's quite young to have, like, two divorced friends, because, like, I have a friend who is, I think she's in her late 30s, and she has been married for like, what, like, over 10 years now. She has two kids who are, you know, not super young anymore, whatever. So, she's like entering the stage in her life where she knows a lot of people getting divorced now.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: But, like, she was like, oh, yeah, like, in my 20s I had like the wedding season and now I'm having, like, divorce season.
SARAH: Now it’s divorce season
KAYLA: But she's, like, in her late 30s and, like, is friends with, like, other moms and dads, you know what I mean? So, it's, like, okay, understandable. But, like, 28 is kind of wild.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, 28 is the time where you should know people getting married.
SARAH: Getting married.
KAYLA: Not getting divorced.
SARAH: Or getting engaged and then breaking off the engagement.
KAYLA: Which is a better…
SARAH: A better idea.
KAYLA: Better idea. It's much cheaper to call off an engagement than to call off a marriage.
SARAH: Long engagements. Incredible idea.
KAYLA: I agree. Get that shit figured out before you spend a thousand, million dollars on a wedding.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: And a divorce.
SARAH: Give me number one through ten or something.
KAYLA: One.
SARAH: One.
KAYLA: You tiny little man.
SARAH: You tiny little man.
KAYLA: Tiny baby man.
SARAH: The caption on this, it was cross-posted to Twitter, “It was the fucked of times. It was the found out of times.”
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: It's this caption.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: This is from r slash true off my chest, which is basically am I the asshole? Just without asking. You know?
KAYLA: Oh, so it's just being, like, I am asshole.
SARAH: Well, it's just people getting shit off their chest and, like, telling stories. But, honestly, a lot of the AITAS that are not AITAS that do come from Reddit come from this.
KAYLA: Okay. So, it's, like, an r slash confessions kind of?
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I messed up and ruined my marriage. I'm not looking for pity or understanding here. I know I'm not getting it. Me and my ex-wife have a 14-month-old son. After he was born, our marriage fell apart. She said I wasn't pulling my weight with childcare and chores, but at the same time she expected me to know what to do without her telling me. It was bad. We argued a lot and I ended up telling her that her life would be harder without me. She got really quiet and I thought that was the end of the argument. It made things fall apart and we're getting divorced. We're living separately, each got a new apartment. As for our son, the law in our state, Kentucky, is that 50-50 is the default for custody. It is automatic unless one parent proves neglect on the part of the other. We don't have that, so on the advice of both of our lawyers, we are splitting time and doing alternating weeks since we separated. We usually switch on Mondays with the daycare pick up and drop off. I knew being a single parent wasn't easy, but I didn't really know until now. This is where I realize how badly I fucked up because I'm drowning. The weeks I have my son, I don't get anything done and I can barely even function at work because I'm so exhausted. I spend the whole week I don't have him catching up, and I can't even get everything done. My apartment is a mess and I can hardly keep up with errands and chores. It sucks. I realized I fucked up because I thought since I was having a hard time, my wife would be too and we could call off the divorce and work on things.
KAYLA: Oh, no
SARAH: But she doesn't want to. She says her life is easier without me and she is the opposite of me and can apparently keep up everything fine. She says she isn't exhausted anymore and realized it's easier having one person to take care of instead of two. I know I messed up and should have been a better husband. I can't even ask for less time with my son because I can't afford the child support. Right now, neither of us has any because of 50-50 and equal income, but if we go off 50-50, my lawyer says the person with less time will get child support. I hate myself for fucking up so much. Obviously, this is throwaway. What the fuck did I do? I think we know what you did.
KAYLA: Here's the sad thing, it’s that like… He's basically saying the only reason he regrets the divorce and fucking up his marriage is because it's hard being a single parent.
[00:30:00]
SARAH: It's because it gave him more work. And the reason they got divorced was because he wasn't pulling his fucking weight.
KAYLA: It's not even like he's saying, oh, I love her so much, I want to fix this, whatever, I want to help her. He literally only wants it back so she can start pulling his weight again. Like that fucking sucks.
SARAH: Meanwhile, she's like, “this is great.”
KAYLA: Yeah, meanwhile, she's doing what moms do.
SARAH: She was drowning because she was taking care of two people and now she's only taking care of one and it's so much better.
KAYLA: Yeah. She's having a great time. She's basically… yeah, it's less work for her than what she was originally doing.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Because she's just running her own house now without having to worry about some other man living there.
SARAH: Yeah. It's like, oh no, you found out single parenting is hard.
KAYLA: Who could have thought? Also crazy of him to be like, your life is going to be harder without me.
SARAH: I know.
KAYLA: That's so wild.
SARAH: Also, the fact that he said that he was upset that she expected me to know what to do without her telling me. No one knows what they're doing. Figure it out.
KAYLA: It's also like, probably was pretty clear like what he could have done to help. Like there's always something to clean when there's a baby, you know?
SARAH: No one told her what to do and she figured it out. There's a comment here that says, “oh yes, as we all know, men have housework blindness and need help to know when there are dishes in the sink or piles of laundry everywhere.”
KAYLA: Literally. Like even if you don't know exactly what to do with the baby because neither of you do, you're new parents, like there's going to be that. Like there's always something to do to help. There's always something.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: This really is the men are trash episode. I fear.
SARAH: Mm hmm.
KAYLA: Oh, idiot.
SARAH: I'm just looking at this reply, “Mine kept asking me to help him do things after we split. If I said no, he explained to me how hard it was to do everything with two kids. When he failed to show up for stuff, the kids were like, dad is so busy, he is working everything. Me, a single mom working two jobs at every single event. It's not rocket science.”
KAYLA: Okay, Reba.
SARAH: And then this person was like, “And you clearly didn't dump the, ‘I'm so busy, work is hard crap’ on your kids and your time with them like he did.”
KAYLA: Yeah. I mean, that sucks for the kids.
SARAH: Yeah. The response, “That's right. And unfortunately for him, they're in their twenties now and it didn't take them long with adult level knowledge and experience to do the math.”
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: Anyway. All right. Next, one to nine?
KAYLA: Three.
SARAH: Three. This isn't an am I the asshole, but it's in our…
KAYLA: Have any of these been?
SARAH: Yes.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: It's in r slash sex.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Which is not a great start.
KAYLA: That's a scary start for sure.
SARAH: Given the topic of this episode of the podcast.
KAYLA: Mm
SARAH: I had sex for the first time ever with my boyfriend, but he texted me the next day after with a list of the mistakes I made.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: It gets worse.
KAYLA: No. No. Okay.
SARAH: I, 20F, lost my virginity to my boyfriend, 35M.
KAYLA: I was afraid you were going to say that.
SARAH: A couple of days ago.
KAYLA: I was afraid you were going to say that.
SARAH: He could be her father.
KAYLA: Well.
SARAH: Yeah. 15?
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: 14, 15. Yeah.
KAYLA: 18.
SARAH: She's 20.
KAYLA: She's 20. He's 38.
SARAH: He's 35.
KAYLA: He’s a 38.
SARAH: 35.
KAYLA: I mean, yeah, a lot of people could be a lot of people's fathers if we're going to do the math like that, but anyway, continue. It's not my favorite age gap for this situation.
SARAH: Nope. So, this person says, I knew that going in I was going to be nervous and clumsy. The sex was pretty awkward and sometimes it hurt, so I had to ask him to stop a bit. He did cum, but I couldn't cum probably due to nervousness
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Yeah. Anyway, the next day I woke up to a text from him basically listing the things I did wrong during sex. This is the text.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: And it is copy pasted.
KAYLA: Oh no.
SARAH: One, be sexier, don't be so quiet, moan and scream.
KAYLA: Oh my god. Oh my god. Be sexier. It's so wild.
SARAH: Listen, I'm not an expert in the sex and I'm an asexual, but I do not understand the appeal of screaming.
KAYLA: Screaming is certainly an interesting word to have used, for sure.
SARAH: Two, your head game needs a lot, all caps, of work. Look it up.
KAYLA: Well yeah, it was her first time.
SARAH: No fucking kidding.
KAYLA: What did you expect? What did you think?
SARAH: Three, don't act awkward. You're not a virgin anymore, so don't act like it.
KAYLA: Okay, but she was.
SARAH: But she was.
KAYLA: But she was. And also, even after your first time, it's still awkward for a while.
SARAH: Four, you need to get better at shaving, winky smiley face.
KAYLA: No, you can't say that. You can't say that.
SARAH: She doesn't have to do shit.
KAYLA: She doesn't have to shave at all. What a privilege that she did, at all. Brother.
SARAH: Five, don't tell a guy to stop when he's getting into it, it ruins the mood.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: It hurt.
KAYLA: Also, whether it hurt or not, you can always say stop it. You can always say stop it for even no reason at all.
SARAH: Six, let me try what I want, not letting me ruins the mood.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: And then he said, six again.
KAYLA: Idiot, can't count. Fucking idiot, small man, can't count.
SARAH: Don't be shy, it's not sexy.
KAYLA: But she was shy.
SARAH: And this person then said, so, don't get me wrong, I'm not against being told how I can do stuff better. I know that I'm not going to be great at sex, obviously. I just really don't like the way he did it.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's…
SARAH: No fucking kidding.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's also like, that's so controlling. And several of the things he said are like, exceptionally problematic.
SARAH: He is grooming her.
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: What?
KAYLA: Not legally.
SARAH: No, but like, in vibes.
KAYLA: Okay
SARAH: There's a reply that says, this is a surefire sign that the age gap and experience gap isn't a coincidence. It's something he wants to capitalize on to leverage as much power and control as possible.
KAYLA: Now that I can see.
SARAH: That's what I mean by that.
KAYLA: Yes, that I understand what you are saying.
SARAH: This person responded, this response has 28,000 likes.
KAYLA: Oh my god.
SARAH: The original post has 193,000 likes.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Okay, this post says, one, fake moans are not sexy, try earning them.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Two, if you want good head, stay away from virgins. Either inexperience is attractive to you, or it's not. Your selections are up to you.
KAYLA: No, that's actually such a good point.
SARAH: Three, if she's awkward, it's your fault. See number one.
KAYLA: Mm-hmm
SARAH: Four, your preferences are not objective standards. Five, if she wants you to stop, you're not doing it right. Your fault. Creating and maintaining the mood is your job, get better at it. And six, if she's shy, you have failed to make her feel safe with you. Given these comments, her instinctive reaction to your presence was on point.
KAYLA: So fair. What? Motherfucker
SARAH: Also, she didn't ask for his feedback.
KAYLA: Yeah, it would be…
SARAH: This was unsolicited.
KAYLA: I mean, even if you asked for feedback, I'm like, hey, that was my first time.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Thoughts? None of those are acceptable, even if you asked.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: Like, no, that's so problematic in so many ways.
SARAH: And then one of these responses is like, “mind you, these are the same men that talk about how they only want to be with virginal women.” It's like, well, no, they don't.
KAYLA: Yeah, that's the confusing thing is like, from what I understand, there are people who have like a fetish for virginal people, which I think, I mean, I don't want to kink shame, and I don't want anyone to come for me. However, it does feel predatory when people have a kink like that, because it's like, you're just looking for a legal way to have sex with, you know what I mean?
SARAH: And it also means that as you get older, on average, the age of your sexual partner will not go up with your age.
KAYLA: Yes.
SARAH: Because you're less likely to encounter a 40 year old virgin than an 18 year old virgin. There's a whole movie about it I've heard.
KAYLA: Yeah. It's true.
SARAH: I’ve never seen it.
KAYLA: Me either. I think it's the one where they wax his chest.
SARAH: Sure.
KAYLA: I've seen the clip of that.
SARAH: Okay, we're going to do one more.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: One through eight.
KAYLA: Um, eight.
SARAH: I should have said one through nine. But I'll give you eight.
KAYLA: Thank you.
SARAH: All right. This one is an am I the asshole?
KAYLA: Oh, classic.
SARAH: Everyone clap.
KAYLA: Classic.
SARAH: Am I the asshole for continuing to make lunch for my coworker, even if his wife asked me not to?
KAYLA: What the fuck?
SARAH: I, 23F, have been working in the same place, warehousing, since I turned 18. It pays me well enough that I am actively saving to buy a house. Good for fucking you.
KAYLA: Love that.
SARAH: That was not meant to be sarcastic, but it may have come off that way.
KAYLA: Listen, you're only a little bitter. It's fine.
SARAH: I saw a video today about housing. It upset me. Okay.
KAYLA: Yeah.
[00:40:00]
SARAH: For the last four years I have been making extra money by making and selling lunches to some of my coworkers. My food tastes better than anything we can get close by and is also cheaper. Now, I have to be very clear, these are coworkers, they are not friends, there is no work wife, work husband BS going on. I just sell them lunches and we usually eat at the same time and place, the break room. One of my coworkers, 30s male, has gotten married earlier this year, but he still continued to buy lunches from me, which is normal since most of my customers are also married.
KAYLA: Okay. Good to know.
SARAH: But earlier this week, I got a call from his wife and she asked me, more like ordered me, to stop making her husband's lunches. It was a weird conversation, but I just said that if she doesn't want him buying lunches from me, she should tell him to stop asking me himself.
KAYLA: Sure. Or just he can just stop ordering them. It doesn't need to be a whole thing.
SARAH: Well, right… It was phrased weird, but basically OP is saying, you tell him to stop.
KAYLA: Yeah. Tell him to stop then.
SARAH: Don't tell me to stop.
KAYLA: Yeah. I'm running a business here.
SARAH: Then I said a terse goodbye. I also sent a text to my coworker telling him what happened and asking him to tell his wife to never contact me again.
KAYLA: Love that.
SARAH: He was apologetic and assured me that he will be talking with her, but he didn't stop buying lunches from me and I continued selling them to him. This led to his wife sending me a scathing text, calling me a home wrecking whore.
KAYLA: Oh.
SARAH: I didn't reply. I just forwarded it to her husband and blocked her.
KAYLA: Love. Love. Excellent move.
SARAH: He apologized to me again, he told me that he talked with her and said that he will still buy lunches from me if I was okay with it. I said, “sure, money is money.” Then I was venting to my roommate and she said that I was being an asshole. It's not like he's my friend, so I could do without his $10 a day to help him save his marriage. Am I the asshole?
KAYLA: No.
SARAH: No.
KAYLA: You're running a business.
SARAH: You're exchanging a good or a service and it's not your body. Therefore, the wife has no grounds whatsoever.
KAYLA: Also, the well-being of their marriage is not her responsibility.
SARAH: Not her responsibility.
KAYLA: OP's responsibility. That is not your job to ensure.
SARAH: Also, if she is really upset about her husband buying lunches from this woman, she can make him lunches.
KAYLA: That's what I'm saying. Yeah
SARAH: Okay. You do it.
KAYLA: Yeah. Either you make the lunch or you DoorDash lunch to the warehouse every day for him.
SARAH: You find an alternative that you can both be happy with.
KAYLA: Right. What? Also, this sounds like a sweet ass deal. $10 homemade nice lunch. Where are you going to find a $10 lunch anywhere?
SARAH: What a side hustle too.
KAYLA: I love that.
SARAH: Do they order it the night before? How does it work?
KAYLA: See, that's my question. Is she bringing in trays of serve yourself or is it like, yeah, put in your order and I'll bring you this? I would love to know and I would love to work with this woman so I could buy her lunch.
SARAH: Yeah. And she says that her food tastes better than anything that they can get close by, so.
KAYLA: I love that.
SARAH: Honestly, slay. And it seems like she likes cooking or it's not like she's being dragged into this. It's a nice little side gig for her.
KAYLA: Nice. That's her business, brother. That's wild.
SARAH: Yeah.
KAYLA: That just reminds me of the lady who fired the nanny and then was like, you fix it. It’s like, okay, when you cause a problem yourself, what are we doing?
SARAH: Yeah. This person goes, “I just want to know, this chick is a genius to sell her coworkers lunch.”
KAYLA: No. Yeah
SARAH: And then someone else replied, “I wish I'd thought of that when I was warehousing.”
KAYLA: I love it. I want to know the business model setup. I'm so curious about how this all works.
SARAH: Yeah. This reply says, “I was thinking from the title that she was randomly bringing this guy lunch. He's buying a lunch from someone selling it? Definitely a conversation to have with him. Does she call every McDonald's in the area and demand they not feed her husband?”
KAYLA: I was just thinking that. She's like calling up the Chili's like, don't you dare serve him.
SARAH: Fucking dare. Oh my God.
KAYLA: Well, that's one asshole woman amongst all the asshole men of today's episode.
SARAH: No, that's true. We finally found one. Good for us
KAYLA: I think that today's episode will be called, Am I the Asshole Part 10, Tiny Man Edition.
SARAH: Tiny Man Edition. The smallest man who ever lived.
KAYLA: A collection of the smallest men who have ever lived.
SARAH: Oh man. All right. And you know what? I still got a bunch more for next time.
KAYLA: Huzzah.
SARAH: Huzzah. Kayla, what's our poll for this week? Who was the assholiest asshole?
KAYLA: But then we'd have to remember who everyone was.
SARAH: I left all the tabs open.
KAYLA: Now that's smart. Okay.
SARAH: Let's see. The guy who fucked around and found out about childcare.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: List of sex mistakes.
KAYLA: He's going to win for sure. There's no way.
SARAH: I accidentally just closed one, so I guess we won't be doing that.
KAYLA: Oh, unemployed guy.
SARAH: Unemployed guy.
KAYLA: Unemployed donut eater.
SARAH: Yeah. Should we go for the woman asshole?
KAYLA: Yeah. The lunch lady.
SARAH: The lunch lady.
KAYLA: Okay. Perfection.
SARAH: I'm so smart because I deleted them from the document as we did them, but I left the tabs open so that we could do it for the... I'm a genius.
KAYLA: She's huge. Her brain is so wet.
SARAH: So wet. Do you want me to give you a preview of the next AITA by just telling you how I've described them?
KAYLA: Oh, yeah. That's fun. A little teaser for next time.
SARAH: A little teaser for next time. Okay.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: Best case aro-ace scenario.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Aspec nightmare per sister. I think my sister sent me this and said that it was an aspec nightmare and I didn't read it because I wanted it to be like...
KAYLA: Oh, fun. Surprise.
SARAH: So, buying a truck you can't afford.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Foamless bullshit, parentheses, weddings and friends.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Men are so fucked up.
KAYLA: Oh, that would have gone great today.
SARAH: Frankly, I don't even think she fucked up. She was merely providing factual background.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Only caring about women when they are sexual objects, exclamation point, smiley face.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: And then a couple other ones that have been there for longer. We have double dad, child bullying, why are men, kids are canceled, girl, what the fuck, bitch ass baby daddy, this is grooming, babe.
KAYLA: Oh, no.
SARAH: A lot of quality stuff in there.
KAYLA: I cannot wait for next time.
SARAH: All right. Kayla, what is your beef and your huss today?
KAYLA: My beef and my huss. My beef it is kind of cold out. It is supposed to... I feel like my beefs and juice are often weather related. I don't... It's just the easiest thing to think of in the moment.
SARAH: The weather. Oh, the weather. Am I right?
KAYLA: Oh, get a load of this weather. My juice is... I ate a nice hot dog today.
SARAH: I’m happy for you.
KAYLA: Thank you. I went to the baseball game today. Oh, now there's a beef. Get a load of this. I was minding my business watching Queen Charlotte, which is the spinoff season of Bridgerton, because the new Bridgerton season comes out soon. And I was like, I know it's not technically part of the story, but got to get up to date. So, I was at the part of the... I don't want to give any spoilers. So, I was at the part of one of the episodes where they're finally fucking, and there was only like 10 minutes left of the episode, and Dean was like, we got to go. And I was like, “please hold, they're finally fucking. I've got to see this.” And he was like... And so, it was like five minutes later, he was like, “okay, we're really going.” And I was like, “oh, fine.” So, then we left. And then you know what we did? Just stood around on the train station, waiting for the train for five minutes. I could have finished watching them fuck. And he was like, “well, you could watch it right here.” And I said, “I'm not going to pull it up on my phone and watch these people fuck. Because they're fully naked. Just fully tits and ass out.”
SARAH: Tits and ass. I saw some posts about the posted guidelines at the Gaza Solidarity encampments at various universities. And one of them was like, no sexual relationships.
KAYLA: Oh, smart.
SARAH: And in their replies, a bunch of people were getting mad. Like being like, “oh, so like the woke mob, we can't...” Because it was like, “no substances, no sexual relationships.” And they were like, “oh, it's the woke mob.” And then people were like, “I'm sorry. So, do you want people fucking in public?”
KAYLA: Someone actually sent us... Oh, it's gone now. Wait, let me see if I can find it. Someone sent us... They sent us a story and now it's gone.
SARAH: Oh no
KAYLA: Okay, I cannot find the exact wording now. But it was an article that was basically saying that the woke mob is having less sex and now they're just having anti-Israel protests. And someone sent it to us and was like, thought you might be interested.
SARAH: Didn't I send that to you?
KAYLA: You might have, but someone else also sent it to us, DMed it to us. I think you did send it to me, but someone else also sent it.
SARAH: Because I sent it to you and I said, “me.”
KAYLA: True.
SARAH: College students aren't having enough sex. So, they're turning to anti-Israel protests according to an NIU professor.
KAYLA: Yes, that was the… yes, correct.
SARAH: I did in fact send that to you.
KAYLA: You did. So anyway, that was my beef. My juices, yes, I went to the baseball game. I ate a glizzy. It was good. I put– what? I ate a glizzy.
[00:50:00]
SARAH: I didn't like that word.
KAYLA: I ate a glizzy. I ate a jumbo dog. It was thicker than a regular dog.
SARAH: Okay.
KAYLA: It was good. I put brown mustard on it because I'm learning to enjoy mustard when it isn't the shitty yellow kind. Because I'm an adult now who eats mustard.
SARAH: I'm so proud of you.
KAYLA: My other juice is, I got a job.
SARAH: Yay.
KAYLA: She's employed.
SARAH: What, like it's hard?
KAYLA: What, like it's hard? Yeah, I'm working at Harvard Law School. So, idiots. Anyway, my boss sent me a screenshot of my like new title on LinkedIn today and he goes, “this looks so sexy.” I said, “thank you so much. It does look so sexy.”
SARAH: I assume you mean your boss from your previous job.
KAYLA: What did I say?
SARAH: Well, you just said my boss.
KAYLA: Oh, that's all right. I thought I said my previous boss. Yes, not my new boss, my old boss. That'd be so wild if my new boss did.
SARAH: That'd be weird.
KAYLA: No, it's my old boss. Because he was like, you got to get that. When I was deciding if I should take the job, one of the things he said was like, you got to get the Harvard logo on there, so
SARAH: Good stuff. Slay
KAYLA: Slay
SARAH: My beef is the police state. My juice is… oh, I had one. Oh, I recently impulse bought these like Fro…
KAYLA: What the hell just happened? You glitched as fuck.
SARAH: There was just a random beep noise and it scared me.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: I've had this problem recently where I get very startled by loud noises or just unexpected noises.
KAYLA: Fair.
SARAH: I've had this problem several times recently. But for example, this morning I was driving and I saw that my car was at 51 miles to empty and I know that at 50 miles to empty it says, “hey, you're getting empty.” And so, because I had had this problem before I was like, wow, look at that Sarah. It's going to go off soon. You should mentally prepare for it to go… It still scared me.
KAYLA: Yeah.
SARAH: And my new… my toaster oven, the noise it makes when it has heated up or when it's done or whatever is very loud. And I would like, I should research how to make it less loud.
KAYLA: Yeah. I wonder if you could like put some tape over the speaker.
SARAH: Because it scares the shit out of me.
KAYLA: I'm very sorry to hear that.
SARAH: I think it might be underlying trauma from the…
KAYLA: Fire alarms?
SARAH: Smoke alarms. Also, my boss's phone, he keeps it on the loudest…
KAYLA: Oh my God, my dad does that.
SARAH: The loudest, and so whenever he's like in my office or sometimes he'll like accidentally leave his phone in my office and he'll get a call and it scares the ever living shit out of me.
KAYLA: My dad, he's better about it now, but he like sets alarms on his phone for everything as reminders and then it'll go off super loud and then he won't do anything about it and then he'll snooze it. So, then it'll come back and it's just, “what are we doing?”
SARAH: So, I guess that's also a beef. I keep getting absolutely freaked by loud noises.
KAYLA: Fair.
SARAH: Even if they're expected, if I don't know exactly when they're coming, I don't like it.
KAYLA: As someone who has like auditory sensory issues on my medical chart, I understand.
SARAH: Great. Thank you.
KAYLA: It's in there. I saw it. It was painful.
SARAH: Well, I was starting to do juice and then I started to say something and then I got… Oh, I, um, I found at work… No, I impulse-bought these frozen pierogies and they're pretty good.
KAYLA: I love a pierogi.
SARAH: I don't know what brand they are…
KAYLA: Okay. So, find out for yourself
SARAH: They're in a blue box and they're just raw dogging it in there.
KAYLA: Yep.
SARAH: They're not in a bag in a box. They're just loose in the box.
KAYLA: That is what they do for pierogies for some reason.
SARAH: They come in a 12 pack.
KAYLA: Love that.
SARAH: They're a potato and cheese. All I've got for you.
KAYLA: I love pierogies, as a proud Pole.
SARAH: As a proud Pole. I only eat that kind of pierogi because that's already a big leap for me because potato and cheese mixed together in a pocket, that's big enough… that’s big for me
KAYLA: You never like put some cheese on your baked potato?
SARAH: Do you think I eat a fucking baked potato?
KAYLA: Maybe it's literally just a baked potato cut open.
SARAH: It's not salty enough.
KAYLA: That's why you put stuff on it. You don't eat it just like that.
SARAH: There's a difference to me in my mentally ill ass, neuro spicy ass brain. There's a difference between having something on something and something in something.
KAYLA: We've got to get you tested brother.
SARAH: So, like…
KAYLA: We’ve got to get on that
SARAH: It's like how like cheesy bread is fine because it's cheese on the pizza. But it took me some time to get to a point where I could eat… where… you know, where things that…
KAYLA: How do you feel about like a blueberry muffin?
SARAH: Blueberry muffins are okay. I prefer them to not have like blueberries in them that you can still identify as that looks like a blueberry.
KAYLA: Okay, excellent
SARAH: For me, it's about the blueberry flavor. And if there are blueberry chunks, I don't like that. I don't eat raw blueberries. I don't know what they taste like. I only eat blueberry muffins and blueberry waffles.
KAYLA: Dear God. It's me, Kayla.
SARAH: But pierogies, because it's… because the potato and the cheese is like fully mixed. It's emulsified.
KAYLA: Yeah, it's like mashed potatoes with cheese in it.
SARAH: And that's something that I don't do. I didn't eat mashed potatoes until like a couple of years ago.
KAYLA: Which is wild because that's such a you food to eat.
SARAH: It's not salty enough.
KAYLA: You know, you could add salt to literally anything.
SARAH: I do.
KAYLA: I know. But like, if you don't like the salt level of mashed potatoes, you can make your own mashed potatoes and make it as salty as you want.
SARAH: But I have to put so much salt on them. And then I'm aware of how much salt I'm putting.
KAYLA: That sounds like something personal you need to work for.
SARAH: I recently discovered that there's a place near my work that has surprisingly good fries, and they are actually salty enough by themselves.
KAYLA: Wow, that’s huge
SARAH: I think it's the first time I've ever had that experience.
KAYLA: That's huge for you.
SARAH: Yeah. Anyway. Stop the pod. On our… what? Salt? I'm upset that you can't really get like a travel-sized kosher salt. Because I think, because you can get little travel-sized like sea salts for putting on things. But I prefer kosher salt.
KAYLA: Once that's empty, you could put kosher salt in it.
SARAH: Little holes aren't big enough for the kosher salt. I found one place online that has like a little tin of kosher salt, but it's not consistently sized and I don't prefer that.
KAYLA: Could you get like an empty spice container?
SARAH: Maybe.
KAYLA: Okay.
SARAH: Anyway, you can tell us about your beef or your juice on our social media @soundsfakepod. We also have a Patreon, patreon.com/soundsfakepod if you want to give us your money to fund my ability to get tested for brain things. Our $5 patrons who we're promoting this week are Alex Istar, Alexander, AliceIsInSpace, Amanda Kyker and Ashley W. Our $10 patrons who are promoting something this week are Elle Bitter who would like to promote normalizing the use of tone indicators, my Aunt Jeannie who would like to promote Christopher's Haven, Kayla's dad who would like to promote JandiCreations.com, and Maff who would like to promote the Don't Should sweatshirt. Our other $10 patrons are Martin Chiesl, Parker, Purple Hayes, Barefoot Backpacker, SongOStorm, Val, Alyson, Ani, Arcnes, Benjamin Ybarra, Celina Dobson, and Derick & Carissa. Our $15 patrons are Ace who would like to promote the writer, Crystal Scherer, Andrew Hillum who would like to promote the The Invisible Spectrum Podcast, Dia Chappell who would like to promote Twitch.tv/MelodyDia, Hector Murillo who would like to promote friends that are supportive, constructive, and help you grow as a better person, Nathaniel White who would like to promote NathanielJWhiteDesigns.com, and Kayla's Aunt Nina who would like to promote katemaggartart.com and then also, Schnell who would like to promote accepting that everyone is different and that's awesome. Our $20 patrons are Dragonfly and my mom who would like to promote travel-sized kosher salt shakers.
KAYLA: Uh, yep.
SARAH: Thanks for listening. Tune in next Sunday for more of us in your ears.
KAYLA: And until then, take good care of your cows.
[END OF TRANSCRIPT]